... this is just the latest page under this section, i don't write a bunch under this section though, i'm not a religious pro, so please judge every word with appropriate discernment... cheers -- ct
 03-23-24:  what an interesting time i've had lately... i hit my version of rock-bottom near the beginning of the covid-attack upon humanity, was considering suicide due in part to something that i perceived to be another 'failure'... other factors were SSRIs, anti-psychotics, and other various 'experiments' prescribed by shady-tree healthcare-professionals and championed by all major healthcare providers who are captured by the industrial pharmaceutical-complex (one major component to compromised-government partnership), other factors were the compromised intelligence-agency industrial-complex (another major component to a compromised-government partnership), another factor was me being unconditioned and compromised in all major facets of H:3, which is covered in more detail in the trauma-recovery essay... if you don't read the fvcking essay already then do yourself a favor a catch up, otherwise, -- for the non-slowpokes -- i'm moving right along...
 ... anyhow, lot's of factors led up to my crisis-mode in early 2020, and the ensuing resolution of my own Dunning-Kruger paradox, and reconciliation of reality involving my H:3, and reconciliation of time/history/experience... then things got a bunch more weirderer more recently... some more self-awareness, more memory recollection, and further blessing in weird ways...
 ... and then last sunday i felt God's spirit flow through church during some of the worship, and during Jacob's (hey Jacob) resurrection-story, and then the last worship song, it felt like God was moving, and i had to open the church doors during the last song... mostly because i wanted the neighbors to hear, and feel the worship, and God's spirit, to experience God... it was partly true, but hind-sight says that i was also opening the church's doors to God...
 ... the next day i had a couple of things planned, but forgot that i said i'd clean the community-center a bit, the floors and bathrooms needed some attention... i did my routine late-morning errand, then remembered the floors... so i bop over to clean floors and bathrooms for Jesus -- so to speak... then i get home just in time to cook a big dinner for Jesus -- i love to cook dinner, and a friend with a newly replaced-shoulder reached-out for a little help... i go hang out with him, and then i'm semi-surprised that another brother is roomin' with him, so we all had some great conversation, mostly authentic (although it feels like they are vetting me to some degree), but a good meal together nonetheless... like-minded brothers bonding over a meal, and ministering to each other like church should be, one brother blessed me back with a parting gift... on the way home i got to hang out with another like-minded brother, it was his intention to bless me, and he did, but ot just with medicine, with fellowship, and mostly authentic conversation (seems like he's still vetting me, a bit guarded but pretty authentic)... and he said tha the conversation was mutually beneficial... some like-minded brothers bonding over conversation over similar theories/principles, and ministering to each other like church should be...
 ... the next day i heard that an old friend/brother had passed / transitioned / graduated to whatever awaits such a person... i knew he was ill, because i made a meal for Jesus for his family a month prior, but didn't know how close to death he was at the time... i thought the meal was due to his wife's daughter in-law's recent passing (which it actually was)... anyhow... later the same day, i had a nap, no longer then an hour, probably a little less... during that nap is when i had that vision / dream / experience, you can read about it below a couple-two-three posts ago (below)... i'd call is some kind of anointing / activation / sump'n / whatever... and then three or four times that day i felt God reminding me of some prophesies from decades ago... one's which i considered a pipe-dream at the time... i teared-up in humble-joy during those reminders... and then later that day i read the email sent by Ron before he passed (hey Ron), he forwarded a quote:

  “Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.“ — Calvin Coolidge

 ... at first i was reminded of that Elija/Elisha thingy where the understudy received the portion of spirit that his mentor had as the mentor was passing/graduating... it seemed like the little things that i 'did for Jesus', and the actual church that happened during the time spent hanging with some bros was like a demonstration of something which i was just beginning to understand... understand that we are the church, and God's spirit is alive an active and moving when we have mutually-beneficial, symbiotic, authentic conversations with like-minded people / seekers/ God's children who are all pursuing an upward evolution, to better ourselves, to self-actualize, and to be a blessing to both God, and His creation... so, it seemed like God was showing me that the lessons learned from the day before was not only being revealed, but blessing me back for 'getting it'... I'll post the results of the 'spiritual gifts' test that PJ (hey Jon) in an image below... it confirms some of the prophetic words offered to me decades ago, one's which i considered a pipe-dream at the time, and now coming to fruition... i'm probably more healthy now, and find myself in much different circumstances then those of decades ago (pre-marraige and kids) ... seems like i was actually born for such a time as this, and trying to not bite-off more than i can chew, trying to go slow, but the sermons / letters / writing-projects are just coming now, messages becoming more clear, easier to articulate in the best way that i know how, and creative ideas are flowing once again... the leadership team seems good at Just Church (hey Just Church), they have a decent sized core-team, they are accountable to each other, and almost know when to give one of the other leaders a little break to regroup/refresh... it's a very healthy model... the pastor (hey Brian) at the church that i went to when i first began following Jesus was in an impossible situation, he seemed to have the best intentions, and self-actualized to the best of his ability at the time, and didn't have a big enough leadership team to support him, and fill in when he inevitably contracted... smaller church models seem to set themselves up for failure, unless they are involved with a larger external support team... you need leaders that are gifted in body, mind, and soul, because we all expand and contract in all aspects of our H:3 over time, and if we aren't capable of noticing it happen, paying attention to our constantly changing conspansive epigenetic H:3 to reconcile it against our dynamic environment, then we contract until we reconcile that which our support system couldn't help with, we trust in which-ever aspect of H:3 that we have the most confidence in, and then we begin learning lessons the hard way, when we aren't reconciled to reality, or proactively evolving harmoniously with our changing/dynamic environment we begin to contract/retreat/wander, until we perish, or we reconcile reality, sometimes it takes decades to learn certain lessons... some folks go a life-time before they get their chance to reconcile their utilized potential versus actual potential, to see if they graduated and names are written in the book of life, so to speak...
 ... OK, i'm fading, it's past my bedtime and the CBD chew is kicking in... it's a 1:4:1 ratio of THC:CBD:CBC edible, they seem to help with pain, mood, and can make me a tiny bit sleep sometimes... i'll see if my brother with the broke-dick shoulder wants some, they will probably help him a bit... my right shoulder is pretty broke-dick too, i was pretty strong in my youth, and i can still do some strong things, but not very long, and not without ensuing pain... and the doc that did my hip showed me on the x-ray (or maybe MRI) where my genetic-anatomic features encourage various impingements, the right-shoulder is less impinged then the right-hip was, and is slightly torn in a different spot then the hip, but it's an old injury that requires surgical intervention to restore better flow / movement / rotation / strength... there is plenty of wear-n-tear, and it's a bit loose, so i don't know what potential i still have remaining in it... i probably won't try to play tennis again, or pitch a baseball, or throw a football... but eventually i'll try all of those old passions / hobbies / mean-to-exercise / joys... evolving to the best of our diminishing physical-potential is a tough nut to crack... epigenetic-considerations are crucial to aging, and chronically unhealthy or challenged folks... gettn old sucks in certain ways, with if we live long enough we eventually have some wisdom to pass along to others who need to be reminded of certain things, and others who are beginning to learn certain things...
 ... the H:3-paper, and many of the things that i passionately wrote about over the past week are many the topics which i'll expand upon over the the next season -- however long that may be... if you want to learn a little bit, and can deal with my writing-style (grammar and details are for sissies:-), and if i don't present a lexile-level which is too over-whelming, then i trust you'll appreciate some of the wisdom and opinions which i'll continue to expand upon... i've got some ideas for expanded ministry for the new local church, so i'll probably get a bit more involved, and i still have some publishing options/considerations -- so there's that, and i'm unconditioned and get tired too easy -- so there's thaaat-- and i have immediate family members to help with their own journeys -- so there's that... and some times i focus on hobbies... and most other times i'm either reading, watching education videos and podcasts, or meditating / communing-with-God... with that said, i have some direction for some more meaningful writing projects related to ministry and getting people healthy, but i also have some admonishments for fake, dead, and/or confused churches... they won't love it... and then i have a nasty prophecy for our government-cult network, and those who use them as tools -- they won't like it... i'm going to piss a bunch of people off, but most regular-normal people with get healthier... because the prayers of the righteous have contributed to my resurrection-story, and i'm offering the reciprocity to anyone who cares to read, and those in whichever sized environment i'm capable of assisting... i don't really know how this spiritual-stuff works, i'm just trying to self-actualize, utilize more of my potential, and keep exercising the H:3, and whatever tools and resources that i have to assist with, as i do my best to follow God's will, using my gift of free-choice, and properly using my gift of intelligence to keep a sustainable-cycle of positive evolution, based on love, but meeting the challenge of a world that expands and contracts... i'm crazy-tired, i'll have to correct all of my fvck-ups tomorrow... this post is probably gross... and for those readers who are weirded-out by the use of words like spiritual-gifts, and folks who present current-day characteristics and traits as those mentioned in New Testament leadership... things like Apostle, Prophet, Leader sound weird... for folks who are more into psychology, this is what it looks like when a high-IQ churchy INTJ person begins to self-actualize after suicide-considerations, and four years of evolution,a churchy-guys latest resurrection-story... and for the reader who doesn't understand any of this, you might want to consider lower-lexiled reading material for now, but keep coming back and challenging yourself as often as you can, we gotta get that noggin of yours stimulated and exercised a bit... i've got an idea for some possible videos that will probably help you understand much of what i've been writing over the past 5 to 6 weeks... it's my intention to help folks reconcile time/experience/history with current reality, to help reconcile actual versus assume potential (personal Dunning-Kruger paradox), to help reconcile body, mind, and soul back to reality, and to motivate folks to keep exercising their H:3 totality, in order to help adapt to a dynamic environment and dynamic conditions, so that you may survive, and thrive after the difficult and turbulent days ahead... a more healthier you will be able to discern reality from the virtual-reality presented by the network of emboldened psychotics, sociopaths, and narcissists that are playing world-chess, and fvcking up other people's lives like we are collateral-damage... God's revival is here, it may not seem strong right away, but it's sufficient to strengthen us to be able to handle the influx of new and weird seeming people that will look to the church for help... the church needs to get over it's own version of tribalism and embrace out-casts, but we've insulated ourselves in a virtual-reality where we only want to give our time and resources to those who meet our expectations of who has potential and who does not... the church is getting help from the heavens, but we better use it wisely, because world-war3 is well underway, many of you still haven't realized it yet, it's really not hard to notice when you know what you are looking for... i didn't stay in the Army very long, 36-months plus another 9-months stop-loss thanks to ODS, but i learned a bunch about fighting and warfare techiques, and i learned entirely too much about picket-pounders/wire/wooden-mines, and APCs (4th Eng Btn 12b) to bother staying in after my knee started getting gimpy, and was knee-deep in major-depression already... for folks that have no idea about the use of pyschological-warfare, chemical-warfare, economic-warfare used against America and other 'free nations', you might be of the same crowd that really has no idea about America's own government-structral systems against itself while over-loading (stress-testing gone mad) our own systems that tax-payers are paying for... well, loook, i could go on and on about many things that most folks don't consider, or only pay a little attention to... i don't know nitty-gritty details like many other folks do, i just understand multi-levels and strategies that possessed psychotics, sociopaths, and narcissists -- people who are too smart for their own good -- employ against people who they assume to be less-thans... i pitty the D-K poster-boy who doesn't have the capacity to connect as many dots as my IQ allows, or refuses to embrace reality, everyone else has the potential to learn if they are interested, only for folks who chose to embrace reality... the rest of you are in for another shit-storm... the emboldened possessed psychotics, sociopaths, and narcissists; and their collaborating whores; and their useful idiots; and their street-thug angry foot-soldiers; and the rest of the unhealthy folks that they trigger will do more of the same as the covid-attack, they are emboldened while the DNC runs the show... we know there will be more disasters to exploit with emergency-use authorization to enforce shitty laws and policies which will further cripple American... educated prophets have already been telling you this, but you refused to accept reality... one of my motivators is to make things more efficient when i can, so i don't talk as nicey and educated and smart as others... i cut to the fvcking chase and try to speak as clearly and quickly and efficiently as possible, so maybe i was able to articulate this difficult aspect of reality for you, this time... you wouldn't listen to the educated and observant prophets, will you listen to an apostle who is gifted with intelligence who was still supposed to be in a chemically-induced lobotomy via pharmaceuticals championed by the symbiotic-government/pharmaceutical business relationship, and many folks under the same therapies kill themselves or kill other people when they haven't reconciled H:3 and are severely-stressed/triggered... i can explain that aspect of the chemical and psychological-warfare to anyone that cares to learn...
 ... i fell bad that i wasn't healthy enough to be effective during the covid-phase of the attack, i was too distracted by the social-marxists putting on circus-shows, street-violence and riots, and stupid-ass policies which defy logic/common-sense... i'm healthy enough to be effective this next battle wave... i've been vetted by many government employees and affiliates as of late, and so far i have everyone's blessing, they know that i'm choosing reality over false/virtual-reality, and i'm not a trader... so, i appreciate those folks who have determined that i'm not a threat, and are allowing me to continue to help educate the public on already known and documented aspects of war-fare strategies, this gives me optimism after the traitors are purged from their compromised positions, not just the compromised scumbags in government, but the possessed psychotics, sociopaths, and narcissists that have networked with them in communications, and all of the other 'industrial complexes' that the educated and observant prophets have been telling you about already... but maybe you weren't quite ready to hear it yet... help is coming from the heavens, but there will be an ugly purging of evil that most nice yet exceedingly passive-people will not want to ponder... help is coming, but the battle will be ugly, with many more casualties... you want to be more healthy this time, and maybe not so passive, and not so busy or distracted that you will be ineffective this time, and have to clean-up and try to heal all of the casualties from the covid-assault...
 ... embracing reality isn't a crime anywhere, and those who say otherwise is a compromised emboldened possessed psychotic and/or sociopath, and/or narcissist -- the rest of the teachable will repent, but the emboldened possessed psychotics, sociopaths, and narcissists will be purged... their children will destroy them... and their children's children will devour them... and the next generation will destroy themselves, their lineage cut-off forever, collecting resources to embellish their lineage reduced to an fool's errand, but those who haven't resolved their personal D-K paradox... possessed psychotics, sociopaths, and narcissists have caused too much harm, the church has grown weak and forfeited their intellect and responsibility to the evil which has assimilated into every spot in government and it's various wings and affiliates, and manipulated/controlled by unelected world-government... good folks will have to be brave this time, and stand up to those who try to distract and distort reality and try to silence anyone who stands-up to reality, and logic, and facts... God's church has grown weak... and now there will be war with many more causalities, help is coming, but it won't be without loss and weeping, but we need to be strong to serve however called, but we have to be alert and healthy, and push-back against those who obviously are suggesting distortions of reality... calling liars liars is not a crime anywhere, calling-out power-lusting politicians who are obviously compromised is not a crime anywhere... and being gas-lighted by deflecting agents of chaos and confusion proves that they are networked in an evil cult... here's how you know the American judicial-system is hijacked, individuals have to be proven guilty... and organized-conspirators have to be proven guilty to be assumed innocent... in science there is theory before there is law/judgement... and all theories must be proven to be incorrect, otherwise they are assumed to be law... when folks are deemed to be conspiracy-theorists by a majority then the theory of the accused must be considered law, until it's proven to be a paradox... when it becomes clear that conspirators are conspiring to break those pesky ten-commandments then the theory of the accusers must be treated as law until the theory is proven to be a paradox... when it's obvious who the networked conspirators are, you should assume they will be part of the purge of the cursed, those whose lineage will end by the third generation, evil committed in vanity, for a temporary sack of silver... those who were tricked are teachable and will repent... those who do not repent will perish, and contracted to nothing... their lineage destroyed, for those who refuse to reconcile to reality, and who refuse to resolve their D-K paradox...
 ... i trust that the reader will appreciate this exercise of the first amendment, and a person who is finally using his God-given gifts to self-actualize, and be a positive influence to humanity, as someone who embraces reality... seekers are being awakened, and it's time to get as healthy as we can, and discern brothers and sisters from agents of chaos, confusion, and evil... YOU were born for sch a time as this... on that note, it's well past my bedtime... God bless :-)

The following charts offer a brief reconciliation of Reality... to help bring balance to the uncalibrated-Ego:

01-26-24:  "four more years, Four More Years, FOUR MORE YEARS", shout the cult members as loudly and enthusiastically as one could possibly ever imagine... because, you know, life under state-control is much more enjoyable when presented as comedic-entertainment (see Canada as another example with an idiot tyrant)... good grief... God, please save us... Your people grew too soft, comfortable, and distracted with obscure priorities to be decent managers/stewards of Your creation... so how about maybe send us some kind of spiritual-help... i've read that You've got some good angels, maybe a few of them can come help us out a bit... otherwise our country is reduced to tax-paying citizens endorsing and financing the actions of the evil spirit that's learning to govern the world, it's already got quite a cult-following, which obviously includes many world leaders, organizations, and governments... God, please save our souls, save our country, save our world... seems like most of us got too distracted, lazy, and comfortable to do much of it on our own at this point, so the idiots and sickos have had some nasty run of the place, and it's really taken it's toll on creation... so please send help, we got ourselves an evil-spirit that's getting pretty out of control over here on Your idea of 'earth'... would You please send us some spiritual-strength/help... Your creation needs Your attention, it's been mostly over-run by cognitive and spiritual idiots and sickos, those who are prime targets for the cult who worship themselves, their egos, the world's resources, and the evil-spirit that seems to be emboldened, and growing in size and influence that's manipulating them like a big game of chess... evil who weaponized suggestion/thought to accomplish it's actions and deeds... God, please send help... Amen. -- chris

11-28-23:  feels like i've been extra stingy with God's Love since we left the haverhill, ma CMA church close to a decade ago, since then, my love was reserved only for those closest to me, with little room for anyone else... seems that i got hung-up taking responsibility for many things that were out of my control... i was also operating in a bad head-space/frame of mind, etc... i wasn't listening to my body's warning signals, and consuming prescribed meds that were actually more negative than helpful, and self-medicating with vino in an attempt to manage sleep and stress because the meds didn't... i learned a ton from that period in history, and even more when i weened off of three prescriptions that kept me mostly numb (except from the chronic pain) ten to fifteen years later... what a shitty period that was, numb/impaired in consciousness/thought/soul, and some degree of anger toward God for the church experience, and my state of mind and life-style... as shitty as it was, it was a figurative time in the desert, valley of the shadow of death--so to speak... i knew we'd eventually get back to some church, i just didn't know when, or which one... here's a tip to You, the reader, there are absolutely zero churches/denominations that are totally correct in their theology, fool yourself all you want to in thinking contrary, but no one has it right about everything... some folks the litmus is whether it's too boring, or the opposite, too much spectacle/distraction, maybe that's legitimate, maybe not... some folks it's the leadership's interpretation of doctrine/theology, rules and regulations, the stewardship of resources... i dunno, there are a zillion reasons why some churches are lively, and some should have shuttered their doors decades ago... anyway, now that i'm a bit more healthy in attitude/spirit/soul, and less impaired via pharmacology, and strong yet tasty wine, i'm starting to get more involved with church, and our community... but only to the degree that an ADD introvert that requires quiet time to restore my peace, and to process all of the information and stimuli consumed between those quiet times, only to the degree that i'm capable of without getting in the way of God... i don't know how all of this works really, but glad to be back in a place where i don't completely distrust church leadership, however, they are human too, and make mistakes, and are wrong about things just like everyone else, sometimes more than other times/seasons... no church denomination or organization is right about everything, but the fruits of their labor speak volumes as to what they are right about. -- ct

11-20-23:  just another note about 'cults', a couple of the biggest signs are 'control', a straight-up cult will forcibly, or subtly control words/behaviors/actions -- if you are being an ass-hole they have every right to let you know as much, that's simply 'sound counsel', not control... straight-up cults will exploit naivety/ignorance/blind-spots, and your resources, including--but not limited to--your body for sexual fulfillment -- exploitation is an obvious, or subtle form of control, and imprisonment... here's a tip for you -- the reader -- Jesus came to 'set people free' not to hold people captive, He came to set people free in our body/minds/souls/spirits... folks that are trying to better themselves, be the best version of themselves, operate to a greater capacity, self-actualize, maximize your current potential... all of those things point to reality-based utilization of your free-will, intelligence, decision-making, understanding of cause-and-affect, and a desire to make positive contributions toward humanity, but all of those things require you to be free, not held captive by others... using your free-will and intelligence to make positive changes toward creation requires freedom, not control... 'control' is reserved for those who use their intelligence and free-will (gifts/resources) to harm/victimize/exploit/control others... your intelligence is a gift, use it wisely on your own (and to converse with God), exercise it, don't surrender it to cults, dictators, government... Christ came to set the captives free, but He also dealt with ass-holes/abusers/exploiters, and the like... let that be part of your 'how to recognize a cult'... if you are a violent idiot with a dysfunctional degree of self-control/regulation then you should expect to be corrected or controlled, no matter what society/culture/family/religion/organization you like to hang-out with... i could go on and on with this topic/subject, but it think i made my point, or two... exercise your intelligence lest someone evil take it from you... now go be free for crying out loud.  --  ct

11-17-23:  most folks with distorted perceptions of God (and reality) seem to be hung-up on particular circumstances/events that they couldn't control in a manner that they think God should have controlled, they don't think something was fare, expectations were shattered by witnessing some aspect/act of evil... everyone has trials to walk through, everyone experiences events that can be traumatic -- events, or people to grieve... grieving is mostly a multi-emotional exercise of coming to grips with reality... some folks take great pride in their accomplishments/achievements, their strengths, their 'use of free will'... you don't get free-will to use if you demand a controlling God, a God that controls every thought, word, and action of everyone, every animal, every man-made or natural disaster... God answers prayer in the way that only God can, but He DOESN'T micro-manage creation... we are all managers of creation to the capacity that we capable of... we all learn and discern at different ages, some folks can't manage anything very well, yet others seem to have their sh!t together from young ages... the experiences and events that sharpen our discernment between good and bad, love vs. evil, wrong from right--everyone is exposed to good and bad, everyone has a 'valley of the shadow of death' to traverse, and mountain-top highs to experience... many folks learn during these events, and some lessons are soon forgotten when the ego wasn't calibrated/tamed... what-ever the circumstances/events were that pushed us away from reality, only to grieve our very existence, what-ever those character-defining moments were, God wants you to turn-around for good now... grief will subside in do time, once you realize that you aren't God, just a small piece of Him, that helps maintain His creation, but can't control everything the way that you want to, when you want to... when you are ready to approach reality again, just ask God to give you more understanding of the events, and how to turn them around for good, otherwise, you let/allowed evil to win... i know you are better and more responsible to settle for that... I Love You, and so does Dad. -- ct

11-12-23:  i'm not convinced on the theology/idea that we are all 'born' as sinners... everyone sins, of course, some folks it's habitual, there is human-nature and all, but at birth?  sure, we are all imperfect, so you could make the case that we are born-sinners... but i dunno, it seems that babies don't come out of their mothers sinning away... i'm starting to agree with the idea that when we are born we are as pure as we will ever be in our natural world, but we fall from that purity, just as angels have fallen, and eventually we understand how far from purity we have fallen, and the use Jesus as the example to strive for when we receive our figurative 'circumcision of our hearts' by the mission of Messiah... not even sure why i'm contemplating this, i don't know that it's an important religiousy thing to even know for seekers and followers, once you understand the need for a relationship with God, and do something about it, a theological debate about whether the chicken, or egg arrived first seems much less significant... who knows, i'm wrong about lots of things, but it seems like the future is what's most important, not what your thoughts/actions/deeds were when you were less than one second old... eventually we become our own little gods, or tyrants to some degree, we do selfish things that hurt others instead of following the words and actions of Jesus, and require the forgiveness found through repentance and grace offered by our Creator... eventually we all sin, but i think we start out like the angels did, good and pure, and then we fall... how ever old or young we are when falling or elevating is unique as we are, and so are the circumstances that lead many folks back to God... feel free to correct me if i'm clearly wrong, i can be a big dummy.  --  ct

Me at 54 yrs old:  God, i want to follow you
God:  well, you took a wrong turn about 149,938 miles ago, but glad to hear that you remember me now
Me at 54 yrs old:  holy-smokes, do i have to go and back-track?
God:  no, it's water under the bridge, but you probably have a few folks to apologize to
Me at 54 yrs old:  whew
God:  well, that might be the easy part... the hard part is getting you to start looking at life from my perspective, and doing what's right
Me at 54 yrs old:  gulp

07-22-23:  i was reading a post on a social-media page, the person asked why scripture cannot be taken literally, some of it is historical, so some of it can be interpreted literally, it might not be one hundred percent accurate, or very detailed, or sometimes overly-detailed, but the historical aspects can be taken literally... but much much of the messaging is written in story-format, the stories within the stories, using metaphors that made sense to the direct audience that the words were spoken to, most folks should be able to discern what can be taken literally, and what are figurative/stories/examples... anyways, i don't know what your particular religious texts say or don't say, but my religious preference is a Christian-centric ideology, and so we use some terminology that certain religious writings are 'kingdom principles', they are things in life that make sense and can be applied across several fields, almost like laws of nature, or something like that, those are very important... but then there are exceedingly detailed sections that speak to traditional/ceremonial customs that really don't apply that much today... trying to interpret literal/historical text from metaphorical or tradition-passing, or what pats of text receives too much priority, or not enough priority is the downfall of certain sects/denominations/clubs, etc.  --  ct

07-04-23:  just finishing up a joe rogan podcast (episode 2004) with ice cube as his guest, just about at the end, they both agree that you want to 'be rich' but be happy, you want to have fun doing what makes you successful... joe says 'we know a lot of rich folks that are miserable fvcks, you don't want that, you'd rather be less rich and more happy' and ice cube agrees wholeheartedly ... a person will probably never really know when they are 'rich enough' to fulfill their dreams/desires/goals and expectations, but being more self-sufficient so you have the freedom to do what you are good at and enjoy, without being beholden to other folks seems like the more desirable goal... there are many self-made martyrs that punish themselves their entire lives because they never became self-sufficient enough to do what they really want to do, or do something they enjoy, they settled for what they think they have to settle for, and then 'put in their dues, kiss the ring, earn some scars', that's all fine and dandy for a season in your life, but it's no way to live your life... when you find a talent (something that you are pretty decent at), and enjoy it enough to learn more about it and practice and challenge yourself with, and if your skill, or product is valuable and necessary enough to other folks that would hire/contract/sub-contract you to do it for them, well that's the type of job that you could 'be happy' doing, it'll be more rewarding to your mental health than settling for a painfully-boring/slow-death deal that you can do in your sleep, or that gives you nightmares about all of the shitty things you have to do, or some shitty folks that you have to work with, or being extorted and manipulated by leadership... it's not terrible to experience those types of jobs too, but slow-suicide/self-martyrdom from chronically painful employment isn't good for your physical or mental heath... better to search for other opportunities, or other interests, because you have valuable talents that might have yet to be discovered, you certainly have more potential than you will ever know, you might not realize how self-sufficient and capable you really are, you have the ability to positively impact and contribute value toward whatever sized environment/geography that your potential is capable of... don't make your life any more miserable than necessary, you don't have to give up on yourself thinking that you have to settle for a Shit-sandwhich Taster type of job, hard/challenging work is good, but if you don't feel like you are thriving in it, or that it's affecting your physical or mental health, then maybe consider turning down a different path... i can't tell you how many new paths and interests that i've traveled, or picked up over the years, all of those paths and learning new things, and putting in some hours practicing and challenging yourself helps you toward a life-style with more self-sufficiently, and greater fulfillment by your accomplishments/work/creations, etc. ... anyways... both Joe Rogan and Ice Cube certainly didn't come from wealthy families, so to hear a couple of guys that had to put in some hard work to get to the financial freedom that they both have now, both say that their 'being their own boss' type of self-sufficiency being more appreciated than continuing in the tormenting world of settling/compromising/selling your freedom and happiness for slow painful self-martyrdom, they didn't quite say it that way, but i think that's what they implied. -- ct

06-24-23: there's plenty of government abuse to complain about, and the ways that players exploit their clout and networks, and information--there's plenty of that to complain about, plenty of good and evil to write or complain about, plenty of observations/theories to share, plenty of traumas, plenty of joys--the simple type, the one's that inspire on a shitty day, plenty of desires/aspirations to share, and hopes to hope, and goals in pursuit--you know, plenty of those things... there is plenty to write about, plenty of things to mention, but it's all folly when i don't put it in prayer...that's all this website is, it's just me interpreting my environment, and then me just commenting (mostly complaining) on it, it's also just communicating to my children, or their children if they are ever curious about what chris thought about certain things... but it's really just a prayer, it's the things that i want to communicate with God, and it's also what therapists recommend to many folks 'journaling', it's a bit like 'talk therapy' but with our Creator, it must fall under CBT...so, look, there are plenty of things that i could be complaining, or writing about, but it's all noise, a different sort of noise... today i'm just writing to say thanks, thanks Lord, appreciating you today. -- ct

04-07-23:  been working on this short post lately, it's my Easter 2023 contribution.  --  ct

03-19-23: (read the next post after this one too)
poking the hornet's nest again, this time stirring-up some trouble with my Christian friends/brothers/sisters, etc... i self-identify as a christian, i was born and raised under Catholicism, and made a slight turn during my early to late twenties when i heard the concept of Jesus mission and teachings a bit differently, and it was enough to shake me out of the downward spiral that i was on at the time, and back to embracing reality (experiencing life with the understanding that we have a creator whom we are supposed to helping, not hindering)... i've read many different perspectives and opinions of who Jesus was, his significance to humanity, whether or not his genetic make-up was fifty-percent human and fifty-percent source/creator/God, and i'm not going to give my own opinion for the sake of this article, other than to say that he always seemed to point people into the direction of 'his father'... God... and that his discernment, teachings, and philosophies were brilliant/logical/sustainable... and his simple lifestyle and unwavering convictions to the eventual cause of his death demonstrated what someone who practiced what he preached really looks like... so those are my only opinions on Jesus that i will offer for this post, and stirring of the hive, except for this, that's possible to know/commune with God the Father without even heard about Jesus... you can tell when decent people understand the concepts that Jesus taught/preached like loving God, and respecting/loving other people, and not victimizing but helping others... you can tell when folks just sort of know that, even if they have never heard of Jesus, or maybe just heard the name before...

... so, with that hive-kicking introduction, i'd like to make one small comment to this article on fox news website
... here is a small part of it:

This special Lenten season is a time to reflect on how change is only possible with the light of Christ, Dr. Michael Keller, senior pastor at Redeemer Presbyterian Church, Lincoln Square, in New York City, told Fox News Digital.

"Many of us spend copious amounts of money trying to change our appearances, our prospects and our character," said Keller.

"It is very American to desire change," he said. "It is less obvious how to achieve it."

In Paul's letter to the Ephesians, the apostle writes, "Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light" (Ephesians 5:14).


I suppose i lied, i am going to offer a bit more of my personal opinion of Jesus... personally speaking, i think reading/contemplating, and maybe even studying Jesus and his teachings is probably the fastest way of understanding the reality of God, and his expectations, i think when you consider some older religious texts/writings that he referenced along with some of the clarifications that he made regarding those scriptures then it's probably the fastest way to your personal validation, connecting with, and communing with the same 'God the Father' that Jesus always tried to point people toward, i think that was part of his mission... but there are plenty of peaceful and respectful and kind folks in this world that have connected-with and sort of understand God without reading/studying Jesus, somehow they have grown, and matured, and changed, and evolved to understand many of the principles that Jesus taught, because every human has an innate desire to evolve in our actions and behaviors, just as we evolve/change to our world/environment, call it 'survival' if you wish, call it 'logical/spiritual/necessary evolution' if that suits you better... i think religious and philosophical contemplation can help folks connect with our creator, but i also think some folks are capable of connecting with God even if they haven't studied those sorts of things, and were never submerged in water, or partaken in bread and wine ceremonies... they hold others in high regard, they are interested in truth over fantasy, they live life-styles that would suggest that they care about necessary/sustainable things that will allow future generations to live as nice--or better--than they live... you see this with many cultures and people that appreciate being in nature, they have less barriers between them and God than those who hole-up in walls and prisons of various types... so, it'll be interesting to see if i get any feedback from fellow Christians as to whether or not my personal opinions cross a line of blasphemy... i don't get much direct feedback from this website anymore, now that i've offended just about everyone possible, so i'm not expecting concerned feedback... but some religious scriptures tell a story about a host of a feast/celebration that had plenty of empty seats at his table, so in order to fill them up he expanded his friendship/invitations to all sorts of other people, not just his besties--and when that happens who knows who you will end up dining with--it might be someone from pretty unexpected places and backgrounds, but somehow they still appreciate the host of the celebration, and the host appreciates them... Jesus expanded the host's invitation to many hungry folks from all different cultures and venues and kingdoms, he was like a walking, living, breathing billboard/sign/advertisement with an arrow pointing in God's direction, so to speak... anyhow, God bless you, and i hope you enjoy the rest of your sunday, this post belongs under the 'religious and philosophy' section, but some folks don't go there, and maybe ought to read this one. -- ct

  i don't really feel like writing right now, but i will... i have small break in between a few things, and feeling relaxed with some pleasant background music... i've been thinking a bit too much about global-elites and the ways they are actively having their will on the peasants and herds and tribes and cultures of the world... and also about the chronic pain and an upcoming corrective procedure (technically it's three procedures on one joint) to fix one of the three joints that have been Screaming at me for years now, i've never been cut before except for wisdom teeth, i'm sure Ben and his team will do a great job, it's probably my recovery that i'm mostly concerned with... those have been a couple of stressors/anxieties lately...
... OK, enough with the opening... to pick back up from my poking at the Christian hornet-nest the other day i'll tell any reader from any background/geography/culture/religion/tradition that the heart of Christianity is really about everyone trying to get along, and respect one another, and be helpful and not taking advantage of others or victimizing others and to acknowledge and respect and draw near to our Creator/God/Universe as we go about our lives living in harmony/respect with our environment and one another, but it's more about understanding our environment, natural resources/sustainably with good stewardship, and especially respecting one another's value--mutual respect--do unto others--or whatever your culture wants to call it... and has much to do about those things, and about keeping our connection to our God/Creator/Source/fill-in-the-blank... and it's also based on ancient 'religious texts' that stem back to approximately one-zillion years ago, and it's full of old stories/history told about, or through, important people in old civilizations, the things they did right, the things they did wrong, the reasons behind their wars and struggles, and it taught future generations and cultures and civilizations far and wide--thing likes moral and ethical standards in societies and neighbors/friends and families, so it's a lot about that sort of stuff... and then it extends into newer books/accounts/letters from different folks, some that walked with Jesus, and some with second-hand accounts... and then when you look at what those letters say about Jesus's words and actions/deeds you will see some resemblance of a 'prophesied Messiah', whether he fit some sort of criteria or not, and could it be that such a messiah would be teaching that your expected 'liberation' isn't going to be through a militaristic-warrior, but it might be from a peaceful-warrior, one declaring that God wants our hearts to evolve/grow/mature in understanding of basic but important things like respecting God and other humans, and what respecting other humans might mean based on our concept of God, those are two simple/logical concepts to judge many things in life--you know, like 'does it respect/help others and our environment' with humble but adequate lifestyle and wasn't interested in expanding in self-indulging or possession-collecting, or is it a one-sided one person taking advantage of another, or gobbling-up too many resources for your own expansion and self-interests whether it be materialistic, or mental/manipulative/abusive? He used the cultural/medical procedure of circumcision as an illustration that we require a 'circumcision of our hearts' to comprehend/understand--even 'connect with' our creator, and wants us to respect one another, and to use our intelligence and understanding to do right by others, he is everyone's creator, and so this peaceful (but sometimes a bit disruptive in his passion/rhetoric and who he directed his words to, which brought him some nasty/brutal consequences (torture and execution) which some folks say was actually prophesied a messiah that would be a sacrificial 'lamb' to be 'slaughtered' as some folks say/suggest/claim...
... outside of what you like to call the real actual person Jesus, whether you think he is someone special or not, if you think he was 'meta-physical' combined with (or became) 'physical', and whether or not he fulfilled any physical requirements to be a prophesied messiah or not, whatever it is that you consider Jesus, you can't take away the logic/words/teachings/actions/lifestyle combination of him, he taught about the importance of recognizing/connecting with God his/our Father, and in doing so you will probably start respecting and not victimizing or manipulating or using others, and helping (sometimes even healing) those that could use it, sometimes the help required is obvious and sometimes it isn't... and so i think Jesus words/actions/deeds/teachings/example/life-style and bringing a sort of freedom and liberation of our spirit/heart/mind/body by teaching all sorts of things, even simple ten-commandment types of things, you know, things like not victimizing or abusing others, and to know why, and the why is because there is a real God, and there are all sorts of stories about people's 'encounters' with God, or speaking on behalf of a rational God that doesn't like people abusing and victimizing others because they don't understand mutual-respect, and then he also helped interpret/taught and answered questions about ancient religious writings/traditions and such... so even if you don't think that Jesus was a special person in any way, there is no doubt that you would still agree with the scope of his messages, and because much of it is quite simple and self-evident/logical really... but wait, let me try a new paragraph for that one...
... It seems that my Christian religion probably has too many rules of what 'being a Christian' must require, we have many diverse sub-sects which mostly have their own rules and traditions and interpretations of certain things, but ultimately all of those sects will preach similar sorts of things like i briefly described above, but the leaders and educators and mentors aren't always stable people with truth and honesty and integrity and respecting others and you end-up with some deviant sects/churches/institutions, but for the most part Christians are going to preach messages that are probably going to coincide with what i wrote above, and then they will usually do something to support and communicate to their community like to pray for, and who might have needs or just want prayer support, we Christians are usually good at supporting our community if there is realistic/constructive things that we can do (think Amish barn-raising sorts of things), so that's one of the sorts of things that lot's of Christians and our 'churches' sort of do, and so that sort of makes sense, that's part of mutual-respect and being part of a community... so you don't have to know a dang thing about Jesus, or exactly what he said, and what he meant by that, and what ancient texts it would cross-reference with, and you also don't need to know any special 'requirements' for being a Christian--i have some opinions based on different churches that i've attended, and different things that i've read and listened to--but my opinions based on certain theories and theologies isn't relevant for this topic--Jesus pointed people to God the father, that's the point, and people were attracted to him and his teachings, but he reminded people about mutual respect and helping others... there are some theorists that even understand the logic of many of Jesus's teachings/concepts/reasoning, but they won't acknowledge or maybe just don't have the ego/humility involved to understand the concept of a God that they can't see or touch or fathom, or they won't acknowledge Jesus as the source of their philosophies... i don't know, but some folks that never heard of Jesus may still understand the simple logic/concepts of respecting/loving/helping/communing with others, and they might show an appreciation for life and nature and reality and why mutual respect and sometimes 'support' is smart, and maybe their life-styles suggest that they are not overly concerned about gobbling-up and collecting too many things, or buying so many assets that other people that could really use those assets can't afford them or have access to them, they aren't trying to work some system where they know they are taking advantage of others, they are humble and respectful and have an appreciation for creation, they might sort of be connected to God the father... some folks just see the earth as 'God', they see creation as the creator, and i don't follow that system/theory but if they are otherwise decent folks then they are at least on the idea that there is something bigger then themselves, and the logic of sustainable lifestyles and being good to their 'God' and also to humanity, but people's interpretation of God is where things seem to get a bit flukey, and then what does God expect from you, that sometimes seems like another bunch of rules that you might consider (start with ten commandments, they are easy and logical and sustainable), and what you should be allowed to do no matter how annoying or depriving it is to others might be based on the church/village-elders/leaders... but really, Jesus explained/reasoned a lot of right from wrong, and to clear-up some confusion with some people's interpretations or ideas of what are necessary rituals/traditions, but he was telling folks--that would listen--that we need to do right by our neighbors, not victimize or control others or otherwise interfere with their freedoms that you want for yourself... two qualities of Jesus were that he was humble, and treated others equally/respectfully (even though sometimes he rebuked a bit), he was interested in truth and reality, not bull-shit artists or controlling or deceiving or brutal people, he had a particular disdain for what much of his ancestor's 'religion' had become, and the leaders that used their 'church' and gave them false teachings that would ensnare/enslave, he really didn't like those false 'religions' or it's teachers at all...
... so look, i had no intention of writing all of this, but now that i did--i want to re-iterate the thing that i said the other day, i identify as a Christian, but i think many Christians are missing the point, some folks use their religion for community/relationships/help/therapy/education, some use their 'church' for simple gatherings and teachings, it's what many cultures have been doing for years, but i think my opinions of what a person that is connected to God the father, and what many Christian circles may understand might be quite different, it's my opinion that the characteristics of Jesus, and understand the logic of the ten commandments (even though some folks may not put them together and classify those concepts as 'religion' because they just make sense, ten simple logical 'commandments' are really more like common sense when you are done acting like a spoiled-child, i think there are plenty of folks like that out there that may have never wanted to read or learn about Jesus, but they understand reality/sustainability/mutual-respect and are pleasant folks generally speaking, those genuinely pleasant (although never perfect) folks might actually be connected to God the father because they understood similar things/concepts, but from different backgrounds/theories/teachings, and maybe much of it was just observable and self-evident over time, it's what happens to people when they grow up... i don't think you need to say a specific prayer to connect with God the father, but i think if you are connected to some big 'God the father/universe/creator' then the words and teachings of Jesus will probably make sense and might possibly change your perspective and outlook on certain things in life (usually for the better), the bible isn't a terrible source for information, it's got a bunch of legitimate history mixed in with a bunch of stories, and it's concepts are pretty logical when you break them down into the most simple ideas (love our creator and other people too)... anyways, i've got a pizza to make, gotta go, hopefully i haven't blasphemed at you very much... i have plenty of opinions about lots of things, and i might be foolish or ignorant about many of them, so that's one of the reasons that i don't just dedicate all of my efforts and studies into 'things about God', because i know i might be the village-idiot on some matters and in some respects, and i really don't want to screw-up matters about God, so that's why i'm not a leader, leadership can be exhausting and rewarding, and also traumatic to the empathetic soul, and it can/will test your ego/integrity and beliefs and values and codes of ethics... but look, i'm going on and on and i have a pizza to make, one with black olives and spinach (maybe some fetta and tomatoes if we have them)... i love Jesus, and the core/heart of his values and teachings, but i think Christians have too many rules about what constitutes what sometimes, but understanding the way the truth and the life/light, and 'a greater good' or 'the big picture', and to live with peace and harmony to the extent that it's possible makes sense to mature adults, i guess that's what i'm saying... i've met some decent folks that in many respects live 'Christ-like', but their reasons for doing what they do, and behaving as they do may not be the exact same reasons as the die-hard religiosy types... and that's what i'm saying, meta-religion connects/identifies the common positive attributes of various theological belief systems, to look at things that unite and not simply divide... part of Jesus mission was to unite God's children to their father, some folks say you have to go through Jesus to 'get to the father', i'm a bit skeptical about that interpretation/translation, but maybe they are right, i think you need to make a personal connection to God, and i think they are many folks that do so without 'following Jesus', many folks 'follow' Jesus's logic in understanding right from wrong, growing in a trajectory where you quit rolling around in the smelly wrong, and not victimizing or bothering folks, but being decent and respectful to them, i've met plenty of those types, some of them have some decent understanding/concepts of God, folks that exhibit the 'fruits of the spirit' have probably connected to God the father, and are probably doing their best to make a positive impact on the world in the ways and capabilities that they can, and that's whether they said some special prayer, or take part in certain rituals, or have an exact belief system, the fact is that many of us carry some sort of dysfunction and can get a bit (or a LOT) wonky on occasion for a season, no matter how you pray, or how you do it, at some point we require adjustments to guide back on our positive and intelligent trajectories... so, it's been my pleasure to stir the pot and poke the hive, feel free to tell me why you disagree with my assessment and opinions, persuade me, i suppose that you could tell me if you agree with any of it as well, but i'm used to criticism, and i appreciate it... OK, pizza, right... God bless. -- ct

02-17-23:  i don't really feel like writing, but i watched a video, and it got me thinking a little bit about being sensitive toward a very personal God that people have used such fancy words like 'omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient' and other strange words to describe... God knows all because he sees all, he even experiences everything because we are basically God's sensors, we have free-will and all too, and we can really get caught-up in the things that we also observe and experience and handle and create while being on earth in this dimension at this time... but that's why being honest is necessary, you might fool some folks sometimes, but you are never going to fool God, it's impossible, because God is literally living through us somehow/someway, God experiences life through us, and our senses are his senses/sensors... so getting on-board with God and living in reality rather then being overly distracted by the things that we observe/experience and living in a false-reality is just a silly time-waster, just get on-board understanding reality because you waste a bunch of good time dismissing the reality of God, his existence, his importance, his expectations, and his understanding... maybe it's hard to grasp how God can process so much information every second of everyday, and still love us despite our iniquities, but you don't have to really understand it, He is no matter what your opinion is on the subject... so push past your skepticism and comfort-level, and report back to God all that you see, hear, smell, taste, feel... report back all of your emotions... report back your observations... report back things that you believe require changing to be better... report back... well, look, you already are reporting all of those things back to God whether you are doing it consciously or sub-consciously, most of it is subliminal, but you already communicate all of things to God plus more... good for the guy down in Australia (watch the video linked above) that woke-up a couple of years ago, he articulated his experience very well... i had a drug-induced (mushrooms) 'wakening' of sorts decades ago, i can't say that i've lived as a shining example of what i think i should be, but God understands my short-comings, he sees them all of the time, and keeps nudging me back on course, on a trajectory of self-improvement, making mistakes and learning along the way, and seeking his/God's will for important (and sometimes not so important) matters, especially ones that will effect other folks... so, as i already mentioned, i really don't feel like writing, but sometimes i do anyways, it's a bit therapeutic to write sometimes, it helps you focus and gather your thoughts..  --  ct

02-05-23:  look, i don't know how to really describe the 'essence of love', but if you are married then you have a general understanding of what unconditional love is like, if you love Christ and aren't married, then maybe you have a glimpse--or maybe even a better understanding, i dunno... but listening to gripe from married and un-married, and who has it worse and why, well, who ever has it worse has probably has empathy toward the suffering, those that don't quite understand things as you do... if your understanding doesn't quite match-up to the understanding of others then consider yourself blessed, you can't quite 'get' the thought-process of those who interpret life and had unique experiences and suffering differently, that's much of 'the magic' really, it's how different our situations are, and whether we are capable of grasping a different perspective and giving a shit about others... anyways, watched episode seven of season three of The Chosen, and you can't begin to recognize Simon's struggle if you can't think outside of your own micro-environment, nice try attempting to do so, but you have no idea really... welcome to life, and trying to understand others, and reality.  --  ct

01-07-23:  i like the series from Angel Studios called 'The Chosen'... season three is underway, and i tried to get current yesterday... there are lots of big/impactful scenes and moments in any decent film, after watching most of four episodes yesterday there was a scene in episode three--depicting Luke chapter four--where Jesus reads from Isaiah chapter sixty-one... it gave me goose-bumps to my core... you might not appreciate everything about that particular series, but they do a good job, i like that they don't just use scripture as their screen-play, the apostles have their own personalities, and they use relatively modern english language vocabulary, so you get conversation, not just word for word scripture... i'm not going to critique their theology/interpretation, or anything else about the series for that matter, just want to show my appreciation, and that Jesus reading from Isaiah on THE YEAR of jubilee... that was some good stuff right there.  --  ct

01-01-23:  some folks link directly to one of the sections of this crappy website, meaning, they skip over the home-page, so here is my new year prayer, found on the homepage:
 my simple prayer... i wish to see more clearly, i wish to think/process and understand life more clearly, and i wish to be a sensor and vessel that God appreciates and uses for his good and the good of mankind, and to preserve the health and functionality of the vessel/body that i've been endowed... simple enough? i think so, i hope so, because that's what i'm expecting... may it be so... now the hard-part/challenge, using such clarity, understanding, and physicality for the good of mankind, and not wasted for my own delight and folly... and i pray the same for you too—the reader—and for all of mankind... gifts aren't to be wasted or exploited for evil purposes, our intelligence, potential, and utility are true 'natural resources'... we are all natural resources that were created to aid both God and man, and to sustain a healthy life and environment for our current, and future generations… may we all seek truth and reality to truly make the world a better place to live...
 our lives are designed to be of a continued spiritual growth and upward trajectory... one of the biggest hindrances to a positive trajectory (besides taking care of our physical/physiological needs) is our ego, and a lack of humility, not the type of humility where you pee your pants on a schoolyard with all of your peers pointing and laughing at your soaked pants, but the type that involves swallowing your pride, and remaining teachable... the person who has all of the answers is unteachable and does not posses a humble heart/mind/soul... if my new year's prayer sounds like one that you can identify with then make sure that your ego never has all the answers, that's an unhealthy ego that is destined for a rude awakening and some egg on the face, if not in this life it will certainly pay the price as your body fails and you meet your maker... if you pray the same prayer that i did above then also ask God to keep your ego in check, and teach you throughout your whole life, even you dying last breath will produce thoughts that you never knew... remain a humble and teachable person until you hear the words 'well done my good and faithful child', don't be fooled by an unhealthy ego, to do so is to your own demise... if you are too busy to learn and grow everyday then you are trapped by your own ego and poor priorities... God bless. -- ct

01-01-23 later:  from facebook...
 Gina Langan:  "The ANKORT paper is "CTMU for Dummies". It takes more than lightly reading. Stop being lazy. Pull out a construct, let the group know where you are at with it and where you want to be. Much better than asking to be spoonfed. Btw, if you feel like you have a child's brain and can't grasp higher concepts, try detoxing, eating and sleeping right. Unfortunately, the degradation of humanity is almost complete."
 Chris Langan:  I really have to agree with Gina here. A sentence like "Proving the existence of God (mathematically) is a tall order and I haven't seen (as yet) compelling evidence of that" looks like a disingenuous protestation of ignorance regarding the CTMU, which is a "mathematical proof" of the existence of God.
CTMU metaformal logic is mathematics, and specifically the higher-level variety called "metamathematics". The method of proof is brand new, and it's called "supertautology". It has also been referred to as "logical induction" or "logical abduction", a limit of inference where induction and deduction meet and are metaformally coupled.
There's no question whatsoever that I've proven the existence of God, that's it, and that's final. The CTMU describes the identity of reality to a high degree of resolution, showing that it has properties equivalent to those assigned to God by standard theology and most religions. That none of your religious or political "leaders" have displayed interest owes to the fact that most of them are self-dealing nincompoops who care only about a status quo with them at the top.
I won't be blamed for the misunderstandings of those who have been sucked in by them. They could have used their heads.
 me:  it is NOT light/easy reading, put your big-boy/big-girl hat--and your smarty-pants on too--when you read it... it should be a bit challenging, but it will NOT be disappointing  --  ct

12-27-22:  i wrote this quickie on 'substack' Christmas Eve, just posting it here today:

Away in a Manger No More

An Acknowledgement of The Christ

12-24-22:  I don’t know exactly when he was born, or the exact venue and circumstances, but I’ll celebrate his birth tomorrow regardless. God spoke through the ancient prophets, and eventually sociopathic idiots manipulated those words into oppressive laws, false teachings, and an enslaving and addictive business model (history seems to repeat itself quite often). Jesus came to set the record straight, mentor his apostles in the truth, fulfill all necessary prophecies, and to awaken the masses to God’s love and expectations—as well as many other things.

 Celebrate what you want to, and in the traditions that you choose, but if you haven’t made a conscious effort to learn what Yeshua Hamashiach is all about then ‘you don’t know jack’, as the saying goes. Do yourself a favor, the most important favor of your life, and get yourself a real bible this year… your mind/soul/body might be in a slumber and you have yet to realize—a sleep which only Logos can awaken… then go one step further, say a simple but meaningful prayer, ask God to give you understanding as you read that bible, and to reveal himself to you through the words of Luke, Paul, and his original witnesses… it’s not so scary, but the longer that you wait the more that you’ll want to kick yourself for not learning earlier in your life.

 Jesus was Logos in the flesh, and was much more intelligent than the fools who dismiss him, and his teachings… do yourself a most important favor, and make the next year the most enlightening of your life, so far… it’s time to awaken now… God bless you. — ct

Logos can never be silenced, and it never dies... those are impossibilities... those who speak it, and carry it may, but the words of God can never die

12-19-22:  question for the reader... what are you communicating to God right now? Well, you know that you are communicating things to God all of the time, right?   we are ALWAYS sending feedback to God, whether we are intentional about it, or not... you don't simply 'hide' things from God, you can't just 'shut Him off'... we are enveloped within the creator of the universe... He sees what you see, hears what you hear, understands the reasoning of every one of your thoughts (whether they are rational or not)... well, look, you are communicating multiple things every pico-second to God whether you remember that you are, or not... so what are you communicating to God right this second?  Whatever it might be, try communicating something intentional today, maybe even right now... my advice to the reader, work on behalf of God, not against, and be intentional about following the words and teachings of Jesus of Nazareth... God bless.  --  ct

11-12-22: physical therapy has begun, the OT people are working on a few hot-spots, and the PT folks are working on a different gimpy joint... pain is pretty obvious, it's hard to ignore, it's needs no introduction, and it has many aliases (owwie, boo-boo, fracture, rupture, contusion, laceration, etc)... pain keeps you honest, it keeps you humble, it helps you realize that you are not invincible, and that humans have limitations... OK, enough about pain, and therapy, but i wanted to get it off my chest, plus i needed an introduction, so there you go... i just wanted to talk about vision and understanding and judgement, but the 'honest and humble' parts of the intro come into play... i wrote this crude post on substack not too long ago, it was written with some political intention, but it's applicable for 'religion' too... much of religion is about how we view our Creator, the world, and everything that's within it--including ourselves, and other people... much of religion is to keep folks honest and humble, and balancing the ego as we grow/mature/learn... sure, there is worshiping God and all, you know, singing and dancing and lot's of traditions, but much of worshiping God is in the way we treat others, how we treat ourselves, and how we treat creation... everything that you see is contained within God, and we have been given life by God through means of our parents... the very way that you live your life is an act of worship too, worshiping God by acknowledging him in all that we do is expected, especially considering that we are un-wired extensions of God, and that God experiences creation through us... I didn't give myself life, so why should i live it like it's all about me, like i did some magical super-special thing, i didn't, i was gifted life by the giver of life, and so it's only fitting that i acknowledge God, that's one of the ways that we stay grounded in reality... and what about you, you and all of your stuff, and the life that you were given, i view you as equal, even if you own an entire continent, or don't have a cup to urinate in...the difference between you and i might be decided by our Creator, it might even come down to whether or not you identify God as the giver of life, and whether or not you worship him, or if you ignore God and let ego and pride get between your relationship with him and others... i don't know what's up, i've had some writer's block for a couple of weeks now, so this is harder than it should be... but consider this, arrogance and superiority won't buy you a ticket to heaven... a humble and respectful ego is a friend of God... a respectful ego treats others the way that they themselves want to be treated, a respectful ego 'gets it', and has a special understanding of things that matter... a respectful ego understands that people matter to God, we aren't/weren't mistakes... if the two most important commandments have to do with honoring God (and no fake gods), and treating others with respect, then it's our job to be diligent and discerning in doing so... acknowledging the gift of life that God has given us is a simple act of worship, so is behaving and showing respect to other folks too... predatory humans don't stand a chance in the kingdom of God, predators are parasites that require repentance, or they are doomed, they reap what they sow and hoard and collect the amount of wrath that awaits their judgement... anyhow, this post was interrupted several times, so i'll clean it up and add a bit more when i can concentrate again. -- ct

10-20-22: so i'm not trying to redefine the word 'faith', but i want to give my two-cents on the word/idea, i sort of see the word 'faith' as a humility, to see the world differently (as a child), but that's not just faith alone that blindly changes your trajectory/perspectives/priorities, that step of faith was a sort of humbling beginning, an acknowledgment of God, and a submission in a sense, in a way that you'd like to sort of work in favor of God our creator, and not against... the epiphany that changes your trajectory isn't just blind faith, it's a new understanding of reality, it's your 'new beginning' in a sense, the word faith has more to do with an initial connection to God, after that it becomes more of a 'knowing why you do what you do', it's knowing why you make certain decisions and won't make many compromises, faith might be the initial humbling/understanding/ah-haaah moment, after that there is a willingness to pray/commune with God, a desire to see the world more as God does, a desire to conform/evolve into a better vehicle for ourselves, others, and God... the word faith is important to know and define, and what/who/why you put that faith into is to know, and to have convictions that may not please/appease others... to know the significance of the Messiah, and to understand the message of the messiah is to know why you do what you do, it's no longer faith, it's what you do with it, faith is like the first step in understanding, it's admitting that you missed something before, and want to change course now, and to know that Jesus was the perfect template to aim your new angle/trajectory, some new idea/concept/idea/understanding set into your soul deep enough that it got you to start making self-corrections, as you begun to understand why some of your perceptions or practices or behaviors or routines weren't logical or sustaining, or violated the two most important commandments, then your faith and new understanding and humility are all important to remember, but now you know why you do what you do, you changed some unhealthy instincts and routines because you want to, that personal evolution is a new trajectory, you'll never be perfect, but it doesn't mean that you should just quit evolving and growing because you'll never be perfect, but that moment of faith started/triggered something much bigger than faith itself... to learn more about the word faith, and religions, then please research those words on your own, but i'll tell you this much, faith isn't a free-pass on anything, it's not sustainable on it's own, it helps guide your future a bit, it helps you want to positively effect the future, you'll sort of know why praying is worth the effort, because you want to positively effect the future in ways that you can see and that you can't see, that's one type of faith i suppose, it's more to do with continued communion/telesis/ correspondence with our Creator... understanding the significance of the Messiah (the word of God/Logos that became flesh), and recognizing him when he came, and the teachings and behavior that he communicated and knowing that he fulfilled prophecies, well, that's all to be considered in an epiphany of faith... faith is the beginning of understanding, it's not an ending of anything... Jesus/Logos is every bit alive as it was in the beginning, there might not be some thirty-year-older to hug and learn from, but Logos never ends, it was in the beginning and will be until no end... no matter how your understanding of God became real, or what age that it happened, or the way that it changed your trajectory, well, you will still experience different highs and lows in life, you will be challenged, and some of your moral convictions will be questioned, faith doesn't put an end to anything, it's the beginning of understanding... anyhow, faith is a big part of my preferred religion, i'll let the religious pros tell you what it really means, i'm just offering my opinion, and my opinion is that faith is based on knowledge/understanding, so know why you believe what you believe, don't just settle for 'it's a faith thing', you know it's more than that, you have some moral compass, so know where/why your moral 'magnetic-north' gives you certain convictions, convictions are like emotions, they only get your antenna up, you have to still know why you are agitated, not just that you are agitated... anyways, let the pros tell you about faith, i'll just opine that it's a small part your Godly epiphany, now what do you do with it, that's part of the picture too, it gives you forward energy and an upward trajectory, that's part of Christian growth, it's not a guarantee to have an easy life with no obstacles or challenges, it actually comes with some guarantees that life will become difficult and challenging at times (ask Saul/Paul about his Jesus epiphany, ship-wrecked, imprisoned, etc)... so look, i wish you well on your religious journey, and momentum toward God our creator, but while you are seeking i would ask you to consider the stories and principles in the christian bible, it's all really quite simple, or it can get as complicated as you want to make it, so, do your homework and know and understand your convictions to not be morally compromised, folks are being bullied into speaking out against things that we know are utter bull-shit, don't let compromised fools sell you a distortion of reality and tell you you are insensitive for pushing back on them, God wants you to stay in reality, not deny it for other people's comfort. -- ct  

09-15-22:  my simple prayer... i wish to see more clearly, i wish to think/process and understand life more clearly, and i wish to be a sensor and vessel that God appreciates... simple enough? i think so, i hope so, because that's what i'm expecting... may it be so... now the hard-part/challenge, using such clarity and understanding for the good of mankind, and not wasted for my own delight and folly... gifts aren't to be wasted or exploited, our potential and utility are a natural resource... we are all natural resources that were created to aid both God and man, and to sustain a healthy life and environment for our current, and future generations. -- ct

09-05-22:  i don't understand proponents of positi
07-25-22: this should probably be under the religious section (i started it under politics because it's a current event involving a political figure), but praying for the guy that confronted lee zeldin, the guy thought zeldin was an instigator that was disrespecting veterans... he was impaired with alcohol--and who know's what else--and displayed actions that revealed his inability to discern and/or control his actions which effected the health/well-being of someone else and himself as well... it displays a lack of understanding of the golden rule, which is usually at the heart of most conflicts, but so is being impaired and not discerning reality correctly... OK, this should be under the religious section, except that this particular country and government were founded on the same principles of understanding/exercising the 'love your neighbor as yourself', you know the 'treat others as you would want them to treat you' golden-rule thing that liberals and progressives don't want to be represented or taught in public/government schools... if i want to treat the guy as i would want to be treated i would pray for him to seek the best possible help as quickly as possible, that he comes back to a better balance without harming himself or others any more than he already has, and that he would come to a better understanding of himself, and his creator, and to establish or re-establish a relationship with God, i would highly recommend doing that through the Christian teachings/doctrines, but most major religions teach peace and balance and living in reality, but the Jesus example and teachings seem the most logical, expect it to be painful at times, but logical and sustainable at it's core...
... considering the man's actions, i want to say that i love a good warrior that's ready to stand up against those who are actually victimizing others, but the inability to discern an actual threat is generally a cognitive impairment of some sorts, and sometimes it's a lack of religious intelligence, and probably some other things too... praying for that guy that slow-mo attacked zeldin, and glad that he and the attacker are both OK, well mostly OK, i suppose. -- ct
07-24-22: i know some one, he's someone that i love and respect, and a guy that helped re-introduce me to Jesus in my mid-twenties... he sort of taught me how to pray too, that praying wasn't necessarily just reciting things that other folks said thousands of years ago, but it's an earnest transparent communication with God using your own thoughts/words/language... so it's basically like talking to God like i'm writing to you, easy enough right?  yes, in fact it's easier than i ever thought... i think 99-percent of the time that i pray i do so without words/language/sounds, God know's the very thought's that we think, using words is more of the benefit for others to hear our inner-most thoughts and desires--but that's just a side-note for the reader... one of the types of prayers that this guy had encouraged me to pray was more or less telling God that i don't want to stop doing something that i know was wrong, it's like identifying and confessing your sins--in my case, as is his--it was drinking too much alcohol on a regular basis... anyone worth learning anything 'religious' from will tell you that Christianity is about change, it's about knowing that we aren't perfect and never will be, that we all screw-up from time to time, and some of us more than others, it's also about knowing that Jesus The Messiah came to not only remind us of God's words/truths, but also as a living example of such important matters--there's more to it than that, but you just got a solid pillar from it... it's something like this, the selfish and wrong shit that we do is clumped together under a broad word 'sin', feel free to catch yourself up on the ten commandments as examples of wrong and right, the 'do not's' are glaring examples of sin, take notice of the do's and dont's in those simple religious concepts... Jesus didn't seem to practice sin, in fact he probably never did any of them, but he was certainly tempted like the rest of us, he recognized temptation when he was confronted with it, wasn't distracted and compulsive enough to give into moments of emotional turmoil... hold on... look, i'm not writing to preach Jesus this morning, i'm writing to remind an old friend that the alcohol consumption that he struggles with probably requires the same type of prayer that he taught me decades ago... prayer with your heart, and brutal honesty, a prayer like 'God i know that my actions are wrong, but i don't want to stop right now, please help me by giving me a desire to stop'... knowing that you're fvcking around and still playing games like a rebellious toddler is a tough shell to crack, but prayer helps, and 'no, I don't want to' is a toddler's reaction to behaving and it's a choice/decision that many people make everyday, but knowing that your actions/behavior don't measure-up to sustainable and Godly examples are the start to recovery and coming back to reality... alcohol won't/can't make the necessary lifestyle the changes that we really need to make/do... the anesthetic might help with a few minutes of 'happiness', but three minutes of 'calm and easy' quickly turns into hours of self-torture/masochism and living in a warped dimension... when sin directly impacts others (friends, family, customers, employees, the general public) and not just yourself then you have a much bigger problem than you discern... impairment directly/negatively effects discernment, as well as the lives of folks that think/assume that you are balanced and living in reality--instead of the strange trip that you are on... look, retardation only looks good on those who are born that way, not so much for those who are desperately trying to get there with routine overdoses of alcohol. -- ct
07-12-22: there was this faceybook meme/post/statement from another pissed-off person that was very unhappy with the supreme court's recent judgements, this one was in regards to the football coach that was fired for praying silently on the field after the games, and then the post was forwarded by several other people that apparently have no faith, or seem to be ashamed of their 'traditions', whatever the actual reasons that angry godless folks do what they do isn't mine to discern, but i responded with an equal and opposite statement of my own... i'll try to find it for reference, but i just wanted to touch on a term that isn't used very often with folks that i'm regularly exposed to, 'meta-religion'.  I've read different meanings/interpretations of the term from various folks, but here is my simple definition, it's the study of various world religions intended to find similar principles/themes which in turn tell a more full understanding of God our creator, Christopher Langan might have some thoughts/opinions that many folks don't appreciate, but to ignore or trivialize CTMU concepts is to your own demise, and possibly the demise of humanity... call him what you want, but i understand him to be a very smart person who spent decades evangelizing to other very smart people... anyways, meta-religion, say it with me, met-uh-re-lij-un... having a decent understanding of Christianity helps when reading ctmu theory, a true TOE.  --  ct
07-09-22:  just a few notes for some thoughts to explore, resolution between godless liberals who want to change the world, and religious folks that wish to do the same, literally knowledge of and application of treating your neighbor as yourself, but loving the lord your God with all of your heart/mind/soul can never be uncoupled from the golden rule, but 'change' and 'self-evolving' are non-religious words, 'repentance' and 'self-sacrifice' are some of the religious principles... first set of notes/thoughts... now back to watching a video.  --  ct
07-06-22: why do i react/respond to certain social media posts, there might be a ton variables that contribute to an honest and detailed answer, but the word 'conviction' is probably the best one-word simple answer... one of the things that gets under my skin the most is the rise of social marxists and other communists in america, despite what you think america has been under attack for decades now by folks that hate God, freedom, and mutual respect, the socialist-dictators took a shot at the world decades ago and America pushed back, and the communists took notice... they have a multi-faceted approach to conquering the USA, but the simple overview/theory is to encourage masses to behave badly and only look at the negative aspects of our country, in turn you get the angry zombies to riot and cause enough problems that various levels of government have to respond with greater levels of force, which eventually sells the idea of a police-state, every would-be dictator and godless control-freak's dream, those types always treat people as less-than's and not the co-equals that their marketing professionals tell you... without any understanding of God or the two most important commandments it's easy to fall victim to such a scenario, and get caught-up in raging lunacy like so many others...
 ... if you have no religious foundation then of course you will hate america and focus on some of our previous leader's worse moments and have that branded in your little noggin as dnc'ers tell you everything else that you should hate about america, the devil tickles your ears with passive hatred if you lack moral conviction... i'll expand more in due time, but my advice for the reader, don't be ashamed of your country or religion, the leaders who encourage you to do so will eventually be replaced, guard your heart/mind/soul against the rotten fruits of their labor, hate isn't a good look for you, in fact it makes you look larger and uglier than that questionable outfit to the side of your closet, you know the one; and it makes you look more pathetic than the husband that tells you what you want to hear... why yes dear, that tarp makes you look crazy-hot...
 ... even if i offend you i still love you, but to keep telling you that you look sexy in that in 1970's pea-green boat-sail is a lack of love, absent of sincerity and truth... and to all of you ugly and/or larger than life folks that actually know me, we both know that my better days are long gone, they ran for the hills long ago, i know that i'm uglier than you, you still got one-up on me, probably more... despite my appearance i'm still not afraid to tell you about the booger hanging from your nostril, because you deserve as much, or i could ignore it and let the world laugh at you, and the things that you don't see... never mind, ignorance, dysfunction, and dumb-fuckery look great on you. -- ct

07-06-22 later:  watching a great video, i should have taken better/more notes, but it's a video, so i can do that later.... but the part that just hit me was 'the devil lacks coherence', roger-that, great way to explain that... more notes to follow, less of course i meet my fate and pass before such a time... sorry, practicing some creative writing poetry kind of sh1t right there.  --  ct

07-06-22 just a bit later:  socialism/communism funded by globalists for the past two hundred years, great relevant reference mr. Langan.  --  ct
05-22-22 later: the abortion topic is the division of this election cycle, and will probably be the next causation for riots and people acting poorly in public with other people's property and money, at least that's my guess... you guys and gals can keep your abortion fight, i'm staying away from it for the moment... but to be fare and give the subject some attention i should simply state that i'm more or less the reason that most folks get abortions these days, i was an 'unplanned' pregnancy to two teenage parents, in most respects the advice given to my mother to consider aborting me was probably more based on 'logic' rather than it being a personal thing against me... i know some women, and were pretty close friends with some actually, that utilized some sort of logic/fear to end pregnancies, i don't think any more or less about those folks than i do anyone else for that matter, but i suppose that being the son of someone that decided that abortion wasn't right makes me a bit partial... i don't care for the practice, and i appreciate my mom all the more because she chose a very difficult path in life by not ending mine, she chose a life that would require some charitable, and government assistance, and a whole lot of assistance and some empathy from family/loved-ones as well... it took a village and a determined mother to 'raise' this idiot, but really, i think much of it was the will and persistence of a personal God that decided that even the 'least of these' (such as myself) might not be the mistake that we were assumed to be... thankful to my mom today, and that she chose life... i'm not trying to 'do church' today in my writing, just thinking of current events and how they might relate to my life, in my case i happen to be the number one reason why females get abortions in the USA, i'm an unplanned pregnancy to a couple of teenagers that got impulsive and impatient in their young relationship, that's just factual and nothing to dwell over for survival and sanity-sake... anyways, you folks go on with your abortion fight, i'm sitting out of it, for now, but i think the way that it works is that God forgives sins when they are acknowledged for what they are, but the habitual sinners with the frequent-flyer cards probably ought to consider getting the tubes tied and learning about sexually transmitted diseases and such, i don't know how these matters are supposed to be resolved in today's age and procedures and laws, maybe the second or third planned abortion ought to come with a complimentary sterilization, and another round of remedial education on sexually transmitted diseases... i'm filing this post under the 'religious' section even though i'm writing it more like a 'political' humanist post.  --  ct
04-17-22: happy Easter... it's going to be a weird one, my head/mind will be in many places thinking about other priorities and other people and other needs, i'll try to be present, but i don't know that my head/heart will all be there, so to speak... i don't think mom can even reach/hold the phone anymore, but i'll try never less... Laura's parents are getting up there in age too, they are older than mom, covid put a damper on visiting them too, it's been years since i've seen them last, maybe i'll bring some tools and see if i make make myself useful while we are there, they must have something broken... there is a car in new york that i might try to go buy, it's an old volvo wagon, nice price, lot's of regular 245 stuff already replaced but will need a bit of repair, we'll see how that all plays-out... anyways, happy Easter to you... if you are one of those folks who follows the person that died that one friday around sunset a couple of thousand years ago, then continue to follow Him, follow Him out of the cave, and into a new life... quit staying in your frickin grave mate, get out and use the life that He has given to you, don't be afraid to takes baby steps every day to learn more about creation, meaning, others around you and the environment that we seem to share... don't settle for staying in your fvcking cave, don't settle for complacent/neutral, don't settle for 'i learned everything that i need to know in grammar-school', keep your mind working on useful things, and keep your body moving and not sitting on the dirt floor of your cave, don't settle for letting people do everything for you--learn something new that will make you a bit more self-sufficient, don't settle for keeping your aching body immobile, stretch and move and even try to exercise that which God has given to you... don't settle for staying dead in your cave, today is a day about life, and resurrection, and getting out and living a little... follow Jesus out of the cave, and if you don't know enough to know why Jesus is important then simply ask Him what it is that you are missing... God Bless You. -- ct
03-31-22:  so i want to file this post under a 'peanut-butter and jelly sandwich philosophy' category, if there were such one... I'll explain the theory in a bit, but for now, my peanut-butter and jelly philosophy is this... is it ever really accurate to say that one 'needs a fudgsicle'... i know i tried that shit when i was a wee-lad, but does one ever 'need a tasty treat'... my answer... sometimes, it depends on available resources and how close to digestive failure you are... sort of... but i'm trying to justify eating a frozen treat that i really don't require, at the moment... so i dig deep and go for the peanut-butter and jelly philosophy *... do i REALLY NEED one of those delicious things... technically speaking 'NO', do i sort of want one 'YES'... am i going to end-up eating one... so far 'NO' but the night is still young, it's only 20:52... OK, i won't eat the treat, i have a bit of winter-insulation to shed still... so 'NO', i won't eat the frozen chocolatey treat, even though i try to justify it... good talk then, glad we worked this not-so serious/serious debacle, and that it's over and settled ;-)

* peanut-butter and jelly philosophy is derived from watching the movie the 'Peaceful Warrior', here were my initial notes from that particular scene… 'your training can move to a new arena, an arena where you find your answers from within, that old Plymouth, sit on it, until you have something of value to tell me, I don’t hear from you until you have an insight worth sharing, and he walks away to leave Dan sitting on the car… Dan comes back with some good philosophy, even some deep peanut-butter and jelly fortune-cookie stuff'… so my comment was in regards to Dan's ankle-deep contribution to humanity when he stated that 'first you apply the peanut-butter on one slice of bread, then wipe-off the utensil on the other slice of bread, then you apply the jelly' ... so you know, peanut-butter and jelly philosophy, right... right.  --  ct
03-30-22:  just thinking a bit about 'religion', and why so many people fvcking HATE it... i think some of the displeasure has to do with rituals and customs and traditions, the stories that those sorts of things tell us are usually smart, but they are old-school, and seem boring and uninteresting and even embarrassing to watch and take-place in, the traditions and customs and rituals can be beautiful to watch, or just downright silly... but i don't think that's where the HATE comes from regarding 'religion', nope, but much of the world's religions have sort of a 'common-sense', duh, of course, no shit-ness to them, take for instance 'mutual respect', different religions place different value on human life, and the religions that have an appreciation for life/human-life, well those guys/gals all sort of pass down generational messages of mutual respect, that's an easy one, a no-brainer sort of religious commonality, some of those guys really get pretty weird about how much we should honr/worship/revere certain figures/leaders etc., but mutual respect and some common appreciation for one another is a bit of an overlapping theme, but the beauty of mutual respect is that even nonreligiousy folks understand the common-senseness of it, in fact, so do inmates, some of those folks never had to show much respect to anyone until they ended up in a place where respect is not only appreciated, it's 'enforced', some times with ferocity... and the word 'enforce is a good segway to the 'hate' part... i think most of the hatred for 'religious folks' is that most religions that are worth a crap don't just have nicey-nicey lovey-lovey mutual appreciation of one another, but they have the thing that many people hate, the don'ts, the 'thou shalt nots', they 'don't be fvcking stupid lad' sorts of rules, some folks hate being told not to do something, 'don't you tell me not to do that', or the 'you're not my ma-ma', or 'who made you the boss', or 'this is a free country so i can do whatever i want to, whenever i want to, and to whom ever i care to victimize while doing so'... some people are just assholes the way they tell people not to do certain things, or why they shouldn't be doing certain things, but many rules make sense if we aren't drifting too far from reality, if we have some situational awareness and offer mutual respect to one another and want to continue to grow and mature and evolve, and are interested in learning new and interesting things then we probably appreciate most rules, but free-will comes with great responsibilities, like self-control, so mutual respect is just a no-brainer, it's sustainable, sometimes folks that can't seem to understand those simple things, well, some of them are dispatched, that means getting killed, that means that it's not sustainable, if it's not sustainable then it doesn't make sense and requires change... more parents would do well to practice sustainability lessons so their children won't have to be dispatched like a rabid-critter... but some folks hate religion so bad that they don't want schools to offer common sense lessons like 'do not steal', or how about the one that goes 'do not murder'... i don't remember them all, but religion comes with some good do's and dont's, and some folks really fvcking hate the dont's, i dunno, i'm not a religiousy smart person or professional, but that's my take on religious hatred.  --  ct
03-10-22: i haven't read/researched the writers of the movie 'Peaceful Warrior', or their philosophies, but i watched the movie on a recommendation, and thought there was enough baby in the bathwater to write a little about it, i'm also using the opportunity to learn how to communicate stories through media, so i wrote some commentary along with some quotes and descriptions, so i don't have much to write in this part of the blog, but here is a link to my notes... all in all i like the flic, there was some good wisdom and the theatrics were pretty good too, i rented it for three ninety-nine on bezos-land, they let you access it for two full days so i was able to watch it more than once, i might watch it one more time to focus more on scene opening and transition and some other related things, i'm trying to learn from the ways that the story-tellers told their stories --  ct
03-16-22 laterer: so i read a couple-two-three things in the past few-two-or-three days and i think they combine to suggest something like: we are all products of the environments/input that we consume/exposed to (to some degree), and the way that we filter it through our genetic/physiologic/endocrine/ecosystem's best abilities, and that to some degree or another we have tendencies to parrot/repeat/test/evolve using our most familiar words/language/actions/reactions, and have tendencies to react to foreign/unfamiliar/new stimuli and experiences with equal and opposite reactions/force unless we find mutual/common trust/appreciation based on respect/trust/understanding and proper discernment of right and wrong and threats versus regular normal folks... i don't know, i'm trying to moosh together and contenmplate/compute/filter a few memes that i've seen and read recently, and part of me thinks that's about what life/god/reality/people have been showing/telling/communicating to me... does any of that sound about right to you... i don't know, i think i've been conditioned to sum up life/events/experiences that will fit on a campaign button/slogan/sign/t-shirt, so sometime memes can speak to different people in different ways, but i think that's about what i've read just recently in the past couple two or three days there-abouts... i've asked, and always ask for new perspectives and growth over time, our own personal survival/evolution requires as much, and so i expect answers in return... and if we cower and refuse resistance/challenge, therefore, 'evolve' and learn to sustain life in our environments then we whither and die... so OK, fine... i've been challenged to express a bit more perspectives on some more constructive and sustainable matters regarding each other and humanity... and so maybe a few two or three memes and some recent conversation is helping to recognize a couple two or three things that might be constructive... but maybe i just don't know how to really articulate such things, i'm just a simple man that's learning to evolve and become a bit more like the template of a man named Jesus, he sort of set the bar and simply tried to explain the creator/God in words and deeds and based on the culture/people that He was supposed to communicate to, and in the language and customs and traditions that those folks were most accustomed to... that guy really rubbed some hypocritical leaders the wrong way, but He greatly inspired folks that came into contact with him, and many future generations that interpreted him correctly, folks that chose to follow customary/traditional/comfortable actions/behaviors/lifestyles/thinking could not interpret/understand/consider/contemplate his words and actions and template and gift, and so maybe it's hard for people to change/evolve/grow/mature/live if we don't consider simple things like mutual respect and the reasoning and logic and ability to regulate/adapt to an ever-changing life/environment... so fine, little stubborn me wants to just keep reacting with an equal and opposite force to the people and environment which i have to discern which is a friendly normal person or a hostile predator... maybe that's my interpretation and anti-thesis/apologetics to some recent meme exposure and the wisdom on an unsuspecting source today... so if i should try to be more productive and useful to humanity then maybe i should make mention of such useful interpretations of fortune-cookie meme sort of things lately from the past couple of days, and so maybe that's what i've felt challenged to communicate/express/regurgitate, because in some respects i'm simply a product of my environment and discernment of reality, i think i read that part too... anyways, i'm not a professional or credentialed anything so i invite the reader to research such memes and even religious principles on your own, with your own noggin and energy, to ignore such advice may equate to devastating consequences, possibly, maybe, probably... if you want me to be more useful with more utility and to express and communicate certain important matters then all i know about how to do is to mention some nuggets of useful information based on the filter of simple religious principles... anyways, don't take my words for it, research such important matters on your own, to simply let others just tell you everything is to your own demise, eventually we all must exercise intelligence and reality, or die... now i want some awesome Asian cuisine that's sure to come with a tasty treat stuffed with some more things and considerations to contemplate, or throw away/recycle/burn... i've been challenged to write with a bit more value to humanity as a whole, and not just folks on my team in my village, and so fine, i've tried to do as much... now leave me to be because i'm a bit grumpy that i was challenged... but i'll try to do a bit more of that in the future, but i've been reacting to my interpretation of my environment and reality with an equal and opposite force through the expression of simple and crude wording and language, and i don't really like what i've been seeing, humanity smells a lot like dung right about now and i'm not very happy about it... but i'll try to be a bit more useful in concepts that i communicate in the future, but right now i'm still grumpy and a bit sore and upset... i'm not the best guy to take religious advice from, sometimes, many times, a whole bunch of times i'm not the best example of the template that i aim for, but in some respects i'm the exact reason that humanity required a messiah... anyhow, explore religious matters on your own, they are important. -- ct
03-15-22: this post is moving over to the political 'non-partisan' section when it's about done... but this post offers some logical insight, and might help to clarify and set some faulty assumptions straight... i gotta level with you, i write pretty harshly and directly and occasionally ignorantly as well :-), but with that said, i don't really feel a need to explain my writing style or perspectives as harsh or as gentle as some folks may interpret it/them... but today is different... today i want to take a little time to explain a bit more about me, or maybe you'd prefer to call it 'explaining myself', or maybe it's just a temporary olive branch of sorts, or maybe i'm just taking-up some time just making some more noise in an already noisy world... anyhow, yesterday was a day that wasn't much different than most yesterdays typically go, it was just a 'normal monday' with normal monday routines... kids are off to school and work, and one is away, and the wife is currently working in her gifting at a local daycare at a big non-profit, but i'm a bit different in that most if not all of my routines have changed since the early days/onset of covid spread into the USA (you could call me 're-set'), i could go on to expand on some reasons as to why i have new routines now, but i'm adapting to a changing world, evolving in some respects, i certainly wasn't living a sustainable lifestyle with a sustainable job just prior to covid, so i was rocked and shaken like many other folks, and now i seem to have new routines with different and variable employment and making several other lifestyle changes (yep, i was re-set alright), but that's not the point of this post, this post is just explaining that part of my 'new routines' includes regular types of household chores and family priorities/responsibilities, and a bunch of reading and writing and even a bit of thinking in between all of that, i'm not much of a writer in any proper sense, and i'm not terribly interested in trying to write all proper-right anytime soon either, sometimes i do for certain projects/endeavors, but otherwise i'm just simple and plain-spoken and find it easier to express myself and communicate in my most natural and imperfect and improper language and wording and writing style that i have at my immediate disposal, but i'm learning to hone my new-found hobby/job/journaling/anaylizing some of the world from my perspective, i think that's all that a diary or journal or blog or communication really is (to one degree or another), but i'm writing enough to challenge myself to learn how to express and articulate my perception of the simple world around me based on the information that i consume and process, and then my out-put (words/shit/logic, you be the judge) is applied with an equal but opposite reaction/force to much of today's public communication... i suppose you could say that i write as a bit of antithesis/ballast to some of the communication/words/actions/deeds/behaviors of many of today's influencers and those who they influence... i don't much care for the words and actions of many professional politicians on both sides of the primary clubs, or some of their closely networked associates, it ought to be obvious to any previous reader as to which ideology and political institutions that i most closely align/identify with... it ought to be obvious because i'm always right ;-) ... i invite the reader to tell me otherwise and help me to grow and learn, just please formulate your ideas beyond a meme or fortune-cookie or campaign slogan or a re-post, please use your creativity and most natural vocabulary to persuade me if you don't care for my perspectives and opinions, most professional smart folks can formulate their criticisms and cases far better than you and i can, and they do, but i encourage the reader to persuade me with a bit more than an emotional reaction but to the best of your ability in your most comfortable writing language and style, you don't have to be fancy or as simple as me, just simply articulate/express yourself based on the information that you have consumed to tell me why i'm as much of an ass as i present myself sometimes, i write a bit harshly but i don't really bite unless you become an obvious threat... i promise... i'm more of sheep dog and less of a predator than some of my words might suggest, some readers know that and others don't, and i have thick-skin (usually), so i take your reasoning and push-back with a grain of salt and trust that you will help me face my ignorance so i can grow and learn like we are all expected to do in our lives... i have the task/responsibility to protect an immediate family, protection is part of a parent's job, some parents understand that, others clearly don't, it's not the only responsibility, but it's a primary one for parents... i also served in full-time military for one-point-three enlistments a bunch of years back (enlistment + stop-loss nine months for ODS and brief deployment), so the protector/sheepdog facet of my former employment has carried over to current responsibilities as far as parental requirements are concerned, the sheepdog mentality (in my own terms/words) goes something like this 'i am willing to protect others that might be too distracted or less capable of protecting themselves', it might be something like that, it's sort of like knowing about and having direct experience with some nasty deviant predators and being willing to protect some other normal people with the use of violence if/when necessary, and with enough violence to subdue or dispatch such critters as dictated/required by their deviant actions/behaviors, that's a bit of a difference from being a predator that operates on different instincts and lack of morality and self-control and can't help themselves from harming others, some people call the difference between sheepdogs and predators 'sanity', other people try to blur the line based on their motives/deception-methods/excuses... why do i mention that, because having a bit of a sheepdog instinct in combination with much of media/news/information that i've been consuming combined with an exertion of equal but opposite force all equate to much of the reasons as to 'why' i write 'what' i write and 'when' i write it, most of the words and actions that i detest is what some folks consider to be an 'art' or 'practice' of 'deception', i really have little respect for folks that knowingly deceive for a living, some people knowingly deceive others far more than just a cute or loving joke or cool trick, and then they hopefully regret it at some point as quickly as possible after blatant deception, but some folks do it for a living and it's pretty detestable as far as i'm concerned... the resulting emotional and persuasive reactions from many other people are sometimes an indicator as to the motivations and goals of predatory communicators, sometimes the truth hurts and you get strong reactions from some folks, but other times it's deception that gets strong reactions based on it's intended manipulation, some people know how to screw with the heads of other people and apply their knowledge to manipulate different people with proven and trusted efficacy/science, and psycho head-fvckery, and folks that practice that sort of thing really bug me to a big extent, i don't mind professional news or media folks that try their best to report facts in most truthful words without using emotional-triggering, and i don't mind folks with the audacity to think that they are capable of fairly representing a constituency and do so with integrity and conviction and logic as decent and useful policy-makers, but i have little respect for professional social-fraternity members that use government for parasitic manipulation and benefit, those folks bug me to no end sometimes... so i said all of that to make the case for why i direct much of my writing toward pointing out the manipulation and exploitation of many public communicators and 'influencers'... i lead with the above statements to simply try to explain something to the reader, something that might not be very obvious based on my writing style and content, there is a distinction that i hope to express to the reader, and that is based on some news that i got today... the news that i heard today was that of a death, the death of a man that i met on a few occasions, it turns-out that he lived not too far from me, he lived on the bend of the road... i heard that he passed-away last week and it just sort of surprised me to hear that... because death is not something that i take lightly or insignificantly, but with mass deaths in viruses and other wars and then the news of death hitting closer to home has got my thinking about the gift of life, and everyone's eventual death... i appreciate life, and i know that death is the only other natural guarantee if we think entirely on the physical/biological sense, life and death are as real as it get's, but i consider life to be a gift/endowment from our creator, not just a natural reaction/consequence of biological male/female intercourse... there are plenty of folks on the opposite side of the political aisle of Big Tony and i, many of them view life differently than i do, some of them believe in some type of God/Creator, others miss that aspect of reality completely, many consider creation as something to not just be appreciated and respected, but worshiped... rather than directing their energy and thoughts and priority to learning about God's nature and possible expectations... some folks admire creation without ever considering the creator, if you appreciate creation without acknowledging/considering the creator then you already have a missing variable from your equation of life... some folks are so 'complicated' that they could fill a room-sized chalkboard with fancy math and symbols and letters and earn fancy degrees and celebration from their peers, and many of those folks don't realize that 1 + 2 = 3... they are so busy making over-complicated equations to 'solve problems' without understanding that they don't know what true problems really are, they don't realize that they are missing the simple math of considering God when experiencing and reacting to our life/environments... some folks do the same thing with human deviancy and dysfunctions, they go out of their way to come up with fancy equations and excuses as to why right is wrong and wrong is right, some folks view excuse-making for dysfunction and devolution a profession and art... look, i'm not just making a distinction between theology or ideology or lifestyle or decision-making, but something stirred my gut when i checked the facebook page of the recently deceased, i read the words 'i hate liberals'... so the goal/nature of my current post is to let the reader know that you can be just as dysfunctional and depraved as you want to, but i don't actually 'hate' you, i hate deception and deviant influencers and communicators that justify and spread and incite it and other hurtful time-wasting words, some professional communicators and influencers have passed their 'usefulness dates' and could really use a time-out for some serious reflection... that's all i'm sort of complaining about, i guess... but i don't hate liberals or progressives or democrats or other folks that i disagree with, sometimes i might sort of for a second or two before i calm my ass down and collect my thoughts and sanity, but really, well, i really don't care for the inciters and deceivers and folks that use their intellect and gifts and talents for habitual deception, they come from all political affiliations, deviancy exists closer to home than most of us care to admit... but look, many liberals and progressives are aspiring or actual paradoxes between 'hippie freedom peace and love' and 'we need a totalitarianism government to guide us through life', and i know and love many liberals and progressives and democrats and i don't mind mentioning that fact from time to time and challenging them a bit here and there, you know, tough-love and helping each other remain grounded and such, i don't mind adding some conservative ballast to the progressive conversation from time to time... but i don't hate folks that label themselves or identify with the democrat network or liberalism or progressiveness, i think i sort of push-back with an equal and opposite force as i get a litmus on policy and political contributors and commentators and other communicators and influencers and professional smart people, but i certainly don't hate the folks that i disagree with... look, i could certainly read into some of the power and political posturing in recent history and was frustrated beyond belief by some of it, and i don't really like what i've been hearing/seeing/reading, political stuff may seem less frequent because folks aren't advertising for candidates and policies at the moment, but the banter and inciting language word-salad and manipulations are very active nonetheless, and the mid-term campaign spending spree and advertisements are right around the corner and the sh1t is getting deep... i'm still continuing to follow professional bull-shitters and policy-makers with interest and some passion, and will continue to write about them until the cows come home, so don't take this peace-offering or olive-branch sitting still if you don't care for my perspectives, but i certainly don't hate you, and i thought that it's important to make that distinction and clarification to the reader... the guy down the street that was on the same 'political team' as i happen to be on had some embedded hate going on, and that's not necessarily what's going on in my noggin and heart and soul, and i just wanted to make that clear to the reader... thanks for your time, and may God bless you, and may God bless America even if we don't necessarily deserve it... that last sentence was my state of the union in a nutshell, take it for what it's worth. -- ct
03-01-22:  i just read the following comment on line:
" I’ll report back if I find any way to look inside myself "
I don't know the author, and i don't think it's my place to comment directly to his post, but i have no problem commenting on it right here... the three keywords 'look inside myself' is a little bit subjective/ambiguous, but i look at from a spiritual/religiousy perspective (not endoscope), as well as some human-biology/science... i'm starting to appreciate C Langan's term 'self-simulation' a bit more now and not just scratching my head and chuckling at his theory (maybe 'law')... professionals from all sorts of backgrounds use 'simulators' to improve skills and learn more about their chosen job or interest, aircraft pilots have to practice for many hours on flight-simulators (virtual reality - games) to practice before they get cleared to pilot commercial or military aircraft... an example that is more relevant to me, i used to REALLY like golf, and in the cold winter months i enjoyed the simulators that let you swing your own clubs at your own preferred balls indoors, they would give me feedback about swing-speed, launch angle, squareness/plane of club-face, and approach angle during impact/inertia, approximate distance, etc.., and then some would even have video backstops where you could 'play' a round of golf on a fancy course where they had fake wind gusts, and hills/elevation are even added to the simulation... you have to consider 'anything' that we 'practice/repeat' when we consider the word 'simulation', practicing anything sport/athletic/competition related is a simulated 'game' or a portion of one, where we learn new ideas and skills and make improvements in efficiency/efficacy we simulate possible plays 'to improve our reactions' to the ball that's flying at us, how to stop/catch it, and what to do with it next -- pitchers and catchers 'practice' with each other for seemingly countless hours 'to improve' physical skills/technique and theory and communication... relationships are 'real-world' simulation, we 'practice' communication and usually get immediate 'feedback' through various emotions and facial-expressions and body-language and sometimes actual words too, some unfortunate feedback might be a slap in the face or a punch in the mouth, but we constantly get feedback from the actions and reactions from loved-ones and associates if we are actually engaged in communication, and we adjust/re-adjust our own thoughts and words and actions based on the feedback/response from those who we communicate with... if we are stubborn we may not 'self-adjust' at all, sometimes 'stubbornness' is brilliant/positive conviction, and many times stubbornness is like a 'malfunction' of sorts, like a bad 'computer program' that keeps getting 'stuck' or worse, some programs have minor flaws that can escalate the longer we use them, and some are so bad that they render us in what's called a 'loop', where the program/game just keeps doing the same limited thing over and over again, aka the movie 'ground hog day', certain continual loops have also been referred to as 'insanity' where people keep doing the same things over and over again expecting better results... if the person that we communicate with isn't receptive then maybe we try to communicate differently, we might use different words or examples/illustrations, if they are a loved-one then maybe we try to devote/prioritize giving the faulty/incomplete communication the time and focus and energy necessary to restore harmony / love / joy / peace / patience / kindness / goodness / faithfulness / gentleness / self-control and the kind of acceptance that we all appreciate through relationships, sometimes we display those qualities and behaviors, and other times we act-react as if none of those positive qualities are beneficial and logical at all... communication through thoughts words and actions result in 'feedback'... actions begin in thoughts/mind, they transition into either words or actions, and then we take note of the response that we receive from the person that is involved with our communication, as we communicate/observe/react we exercise 'intelligence'... much of what i just wrote speaks to self-simulation... but to 'look inside oneself' for feedback/progress/evolution then we should consider the biblical principle/scripture which states that humans are 'made in the image/likeness of God'... i don't claim to understand every aspect/detail or the fullness of that theory, i don't think God is sitting on a sofa like mine and typing away at a keyboard in some infinitesimal sized version of me (or you), but i can understand that principle has to do more with thinking / reasoning / intelligence, even emotions, creativity and more... we can look to many 'religions' of the world to get an idea of what an omnipotent and personal God is like, and what sorts of things that God likes and doesn't like, some religions REALLY get into some of that when you delve into their sacred texts... i chose to follow much of the texts and teachings that the Christian bible (both Old and New Testaments) tells us about the nature of God and his expectations... so if you take the time to read through the texts/books you will notice the morality that God has offered to humanity, and expects from creation... and if you spend a bit of time trying to 'get into God's head', and trying to 'view your thoughts - words - actions/reactions' through the filter of God's eyes then you can start to 'look inside myself', the problem with many folks is that sometimes we get a little ahead of ourselves, and start to think too highly of ourselves, and start to confuse our own thoughts/reasoning as superior to God's, and when we do that we start giving into selfish impulsive/instinctual thoughts - words - actions, and we forfeit one of the characteristics that christians hold dear 'humility', christians don't look at humility by assuming that we are worthless door-mats that don't really matter, but rather a mechanism and a characteristic to help us stay grounded knowing that we aren't perfect, and many of our opinions and perspectives aren't perfect, and that we can't get everything that we want when we want it... 'humilty' is of the reasons why many christians don't speak out against things that they know/think that are wrong, because of false sense/interpretation of humility and the desire for peace rather then aggression... many zealots used shallow interpretations/understanding of christianity as a cover to commit some atrocities for the sake of their royal, tribal, or governmental ruler's whims and desires, so claiming the religion doesn't automatically equate to perfection, and folks who regularly practice evil use the label of christian to appear to be a 'decent person'... there is another keyword that goes with christian doctrine, it's what we consider to be the complete opposite of humility, 'pride', not the pride that makes you feel accomlished for completing a task successfully

... gotta run, TBC...

02-25-22:  i suppose this might be the most appropriate spot on this blog to write about an observation/interpretation of an interview that Keith Woods conducted with Chris Langan... so Keith asks Chris to elaborate on certain details of Chris' TOE, aka CTMU... so, since my name is also Chris, i'm going to start referring Mr. Langan as 'Langan'... so back to the broader point -- call the man what you want, but you have to shut your ass up and listen to how he communicates and expresses his perceptions and observations, it's a bit heady depending on what subjects he uses to explain things... on another side note, i chose to pay attention to more social and material matter of interest rather then exploring any curiosities on sciences and math and structured information, consuming smart and rational people's information was never a priority of mine, i had much more to learn about more important things in life, but i was more interested and distracted by pursuing what Langan calls 'social-intelligence', and pursuing pleasures and experiences that suggests a lack of 'moral-intelligence', and pursuits that also demonstrated misunderstandings of most aspects that seem to be clumped-together under the concepts that Mazlow observed... paying too much attention to material society, and the lack of priorities that are displayed by rich and misguided people who can actually afford to live exuberant and egotistical lifestyles... i grew-up pretty poor for most of my childhood, and i was in middle-school, or maybe high-school when the 'material girl in a material world' was the hedonistic sort of influence, it made much of the poorer places in the world covet yet detest america when they saw how celebrity royalty spend their fortunes, some people fvcking hated america because of that, some people hear that america was some sort of 'christian based' nation, yet media insinuates that we all live like hedonistic celebrity while much of the world starves and dies and doesn't have the economic abilities and understanding how to change their situations... anyways, i was young and poor and misguided, and then watching/consuming commercial television and pop culture and other media seems to have contributed to a distraction/confusion of my priorities, and instead of thinking more about needs, and then when you have an awful lot of needs and some 'want's' met then maybe start thinking a bit more about the needs of others that might be missing something in life, or in resources, Jesus talked a bit about that simple principle... but the brilliantly advertised 'consumer goods' are cleverly marketed and mostly unnecessary things that most lower tax-bracket demographics have no need go out and purchase, combine brilliant advertising and marketing with promoting the indulgences of the rich and famous (influencers) leaves poor and misguided people in a virtual reality, instead of folks thinking more on the lines of basic things that people need to know about, and not just things like food, water, and shelter, but other important things like the simple little things that the 'ten commandments' teach as important values, those good old commandments are a good starting point, and then even narrow those things down to the two that were deemed to be most important by one of the most influential people to have ever walked the face of the earth... Love and Respect go a long way in life, loving others enough to earn their Respect (empathy) is where mutual respect becomes easy, rather than 'demanding/forcing' a compliance Respect with absence of Love... well look, 'love and respect' are simple models/pillars to consider as individuals , or in a family environment, and when you are a member of society... the words 'Love' and 'Respect' each have a volume to say themselves... in a perfect world maybe everyone would actually know what each of those two words mean, and choose to live a life that demonstrates those pillars of human evolution... oh, so back to the Keith and Langan interview once again... say what you want about Langan, much of what he has to say points to a very similar to the god of the old and new testament, he looks at other major religions as well and seems to find logical mutual consistencies, then he considers physics 'cause and effect' and uses that to illustrate many principles, and he considers philosophers/ies and applies the realistic ones as well, and he considers a bunch of other topics and fields of studies, and they all speak to specifics about the reality of god, he seems to always point folks back to god, and characteristics of this god... i haven't read all of the details about all of his perspectives and opinions of god and 'religion', but he is a smart man that wrote his first papers and essays to an audience of other smart people, many of which don't believe in any sort of god at all... so when i read his papers and listen to some of his essays i keep a couple of things in mind, he is a smart man that speaks a language of smart people, and his publishing's have tried to explain the reality/existence of a god to many folks that seem to be missing that simple understanding in their lives, sometimes missing one simple foundational thing can have a devastating domino effect on the way we perceive life, and the world around us... OK, so i'm only a third of the way through the interview, i'll write a bit more later.  --  ct

... one day later:  so i think Langan expresses biblical principles but without the actual full-text of scripture, i think what he does is teach some of the metaphors, and analogies, and parables within scripture, but he puts them in a different wrapper of sorts, he puts scriptural laws into the wrapper of factual science and technical terms... the interview was good, the first forty-five minutes explained some good solid ctmu fundamentals, Keith sounds like a pretty interesting guy too, i'll have to read a bit more about/from him.  --  ct
02-21-22: today i'm thinking about how a few stories and theories that sometimes merge together to tell a bigger story sometimes, or how additional insight can be helpful in understanding something better, more complete, or illogical, nonsensical, and fantastical... i'm thinking about some recent conversations, and then some recent things that i've read more recently, some of the things that i've read and listened to recently speak to some of C. Langan's theories, and his TOE, and how they expand on religiousy matters, and in this case i recall him discussing some facets of 'reality' using words and terms like self-simulation, sometimes he uses words like self-correction, and free-will, he talks about physics a bit too... and it seems that 'resistance' is something that has to do with many facets of our lives, and so when you consider some of those things together you might end-up with something that sounds like a what many christians call 'trials'... in some respects the christian theory that trials are sort of like 'life's hurddles', they are natural parts of the human life/death and human evolution/devolution cycles, where we meet various intensities and types of resistance/stressors and otherwise unfortunate and shitty circumstances... we hit new challenges, different and weird obstacles, we face emotionally difficult or painful experiences that we can't simply change on our own, our 'faith' and logic seems to be challenged, things don't add up and compute and make sense and there is no 'equals button' to simply resolve our equation and close the ends, we might literally be faced with death and we can't change things the ways that we want to change them, or the way we think things need to change to change the calculation to our favor, and don't forget the time constraints, we can't change things when we think things need to change, we can't control what we can't control with the time frame that we limit ourselves to, and the only logical factors/assets/resources/methodology that we consider in pushing back against such resistance and obstacles, in some respects we could say that the christian considers trials to be difficult times that everyone must face at some moments and seasons in our life, we can't avoid them, maybe we need a miracle to change the outcome of an unfavorable event, sometimes trials feel like a giant boot-kick to the groin, sometimes we find peace to where we just go with the flow, where we have embraced reality and certain situations as painful and unavoidable and then perspectives sometimes change too, sometimes a change in perspective is a result of a self-correcting personal evolution... sometimes a change of perspective requires another christian principle, one of humility, a component to humility requires people to assume that there is some actual intelligent and superior god... without making that assumption, or consideration, then we are our own god that lies to ourselves to say that we are never wrong, and don't require self-control/adjusting/correction/growing/maturing and evolving and learning and expanding our understanding for a more complete and fulfilling life, i don't know much about physics and vocabulary, but i think it goes something like this, in order for 'human expansion' to occur there is friction and resistance which must be met, without resistance we can't expand, we stay neutral, and contract and waste, we must face resistance in order to expand, otherwise this scrawny little skinny kid would have shriveled-up and died long ago, but i exercised my frail weakly skinny body with resistance and exercise and purposeful nutrition, and am much more healthy then when i was wee-one, so it seems... without trials and hope and humility there is little room for self-correction, little reason to consider self-correction, and certainly no reason to want to face resistance... with free-will comes great responsibility, if we can't self-correct and adjust then we end up in jail, or worse, because we didn't utilize our free-will wisely and responsibly, we loose certain freedoms and benefits and even life itself sometimes when we misuse free-will and get ahead of ourselves wanting to control our own destiny in the limited ways that we consider our problems 'should be' resolved, maybe we can control our own destiny, but we simply can't do that if we aren't evolving and self-correcting and adjusting, 'as if' we were our own perfect little gods, maybe we are made in god's likeness, but we can't compare our creative intelligence and resources to that of god's, we are inferior with more confines than god, so we must factor in humility when we approach trials and obstacles and hurdles, and when life get's a running start to thrust the boot into our reproductive organ area, we may not only just need a miracle, the miracle might start when considering if we are missing something in front of our own very nose, the thing in the mirror, sometimes trials begin externally but grow internally, sometimes problems are internal but spill over to the external, sometimes life is easier and more enjoyable than other times, sometimes it get's harder as we grow and mature, sometimes we expand and sometimes we contract, sometimes we are simply stuck in neutral and don't seem to consider that some of our perspectives and words and thoughts and behaviors and routines need to change, sometimes we realize we need glasses and we get some, sometimes we realize that some glands don't work correctly, and we need a bit of lithium or other elements/molecules/compounds for endocrinology-sake, or regulate sugar to some degree, sometimes we need to get better sleep, or more hydration, or better food to survive and regulate and live more meaningful and purposeful lives, some trials we may never comprehend the depth and the variables that are connected and involved to a world full of other free-willed humans and animals whirling around us... look, i'm not a professional anything, so don't take my words for it, but if anything above sounds interesting then i invite the reader to research some of these thoughts on your own... do your own research and prayer and see if god speaks to you somehow or another, it's my understanding that sometimes understanding something more fully and clearly can be god's way of speaking to you, but don't take my word for it, i'm a simple non-credentialed man that isn't a professional anything, but i still love you enough to write. -- ct
02-15-22: a worthy life-lesson to pass along to the reader today is simply this: 'we don't know what we don't know'... we may assume that we understand far more about certain things/matters based on how capable/competent we are with other things... sometimes we measure ourselves more highly than we ought to, and other times we lack confidence and concentration and curiosity to learn new things... but only a fool assumes that there is much that they still don't understand... never be foolish enough to think that you have all of the answers... to 'know-it-all' is to know nothing in the larger sense of reality... to fool oneself is the downfall of many a man and woman... so my tip of the day to the reader... understand that you don't know what you don't know, but there is an eternal god that will reveal what the humble and intelligent is willing to learn... a healthy perspective of reality is offered to the humble soul with an appetite to learn and evolve, over-confidence is to fool oneself and set ourselves up for failure, pain-lessons, future edification and eventually some better understanding... don't be a fool, grow and evolve.  -- ct
... so i ask someone to read Luke 7:36–7:50, they reply... look, if this about the hundred bucks you owe me don't worry about it... look, all you had to do was just say that you couldn't pay me back and not make me read part of the bible and shit, we both know that i'm quite rich
... then i ask someone else to read the same verses and they say, yeah man, i'm an ex-convict, i heard about God and Jesus and stuff when i was in the can... i've repented for my sins and chose a different path in life... look, i may be broke in the bank, but i'm the richest man alive
... and i ask someone else to read the same verses and they reply, i get it... i've been a decent and moral person pretty much my whole life, i've been following the teachings and actions of Jesus since i was a kid, but i've had to repent on occasion... i don't know what it's like to ignore God, or to be a late bloomer who was blind and finally sees, but i know that i'm blessed beyond words
... when your shit doesn't stink, and your brand management and image control is priority, then the parable means nothing to you... when you know you are fatally flawed and in desperate need of help/change, then the parable may have been written for you... when neither apply to you then you can keep doing what you are doing and appreciate Luke 5:30-32 ... for The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand. Repent, and believe in the words/actions/template of Jesus the Nazarene...  Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it, so read the parable in Luke seven again, and let me know if the words of Jesus speak to you this time...
... anyways, i'm not a professional religious person, but when you read the bible remember that it's full of stories, and many of those stories are examples, and some smarter folks than me call those stories metaphors and parables and other fancy words too... some of those stories are mysteries to some, and clear as day to others, but keep reading no matter how weird some of those stories are, typically speaking, those stories will eventually make much more sense, but don't read them just once and assume that they just don't make sense, or that you will never understand them... or to think that you totally 'get it' the first time around, they are all part of a bigger picture... all of those stories will blend together to tell you best story that's ever been told... what is 'the big picture', or the 'best story that's ever been told'... well, do some more reading and you tell me, i dunno, i'm not a professional anything... but it's my perspective that your past was never so bad that your sins can't be forgiven, and the sooner that you really do 'repent' and follow the teachings/words/actions/behaviors of the Nazarene that called himself Jesus then the faster you can start living the life that you have been called to live... you will never be perfect, and you may have to say 'sorry' a lot... but it's never too late, and the sooner you make the effort to live morally then the better... anyways, maybe read some of those verses listed above, chew on them a bit... you might be the richest person alive based on the debt that was relieved... i'm not a professional religiousy person, but there are two 'commandments' that sum-up most of the story, and it isn't too hard to find them... never stop reading and learning.  --  ct
01-02-21: just some verses to possibly consider today, from james... james is an interesting book/person/story, and i must read more... actually that's what i'm reading in between several other tasks lately, i'm sort of bouncing around between james and old king david currently, there is much to learn from the stories within the stories and in relation to what we learn about the 'character' and 'story' of God, and then maybe even what's going on in our 'current' lives... sometimes we should consider such things when we read sacred texts/scripture... anyways, so far james seems to be speaking to me in some respects... i must read more... but consider the following:
James 1:2-15... Consider it pure joy, my brothers (sister too here, right), whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. The brother/sister in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
... give credit where credit is due, so most of that is from the NIV with my own paraphrase... so, anyways, i'm bouncing around between david's writings and this james fella lately... where/how is god speaking to you and working in your life? sometimes that's a good question for consideration, as it is exceedingly relevant, sometimes, many times, most times. -- ct

01-02-22 later: so little david killed the golath giant with a mere strip of cloth and a rock... did that really happen in history (probably so...so cool) and what else does/would that particular story in time speak to us today... that's how we read/consider sacred texts and scripture and learn about god and ourselves and others... but there are always more stories nestled within the stories, within the various stories, etc... but what does the concept of killing an enormous and inconceivable enemy/army, maybe our egos, maybe a metaphorical giant, maybe even a frickin' literal giant, who know's, but giants, and obstacles, and tyrants, and even impulsive actions/behaviors are things which most of us have to overcome at some points, many points, maybe even 'several' points in our lives... how we perceive, react, and overcome are another part of our stories, and how we evolve and learn from various obstacles are another part of our stories... but adaptation theory suggests that it's wise to consider such things... just something else to juggle around the old noggin. -- ct
12-22-21 more later: i have to inform the reader that i made a conscious decision to realize Jesus the Nazarene as a sort of a gateway to God the creator some twenty to thirty years ago... and in that time i have tried to follow the words, teachings, and behaviors of this peculiar man... if you read through christian scripture you can attest to the truth behind C. Langan's quote that Jesus spoke quite a bit 'in parable, allegory, and metaphor'... and you can back that theory up by looking at the Christian 'Old Testament', it was also full of parables, allegories, and metaphors, it's a brilliant collection of stories that point to the reality and nature of 'God the Father', the entire collection of books point's folks to God's reality, nature, expectations, and a boat-load of other important things too... i can tell you that after almost thirty years of various levels of consistency in consumption of scripture that sometimes i still have to just scratch my head, sometimes extrapolating detailed truth from metaphor isn't the easiest to discern... i've witnessed several factions/denominations of christian faith get caught-up in micro-detail which can warp better judgement as they belittle each other with 'well yeah, but then how come...' sorts of distractions, even to the point that cancel-culture hatred rules the day... i don't know how much scripture i will consume in the days/weeks/months to come, but when looking at scripture through the eyes of a god that expects our attention and cooperation and a better understanding of his/it's nature and even 'feelings' might be a better approach... so maybe i will resume reading scripture with the intent to throw-off previously taught and assumed understanding, and let God show me what's really going on in those marvelous books... a previous pastor by the name of J. White was instrumental in a one-line--and 'in-passing'--explanation that Genesis opens with much metaphor, not hard-core factual detail... it took me a bit to absorb, but i appreciated the tip... anyways, i've got some reading ahead of me today, i still don't exactly what, though... time will tell. -- ct

12-12-21:  please pray for a guy named Nicholas (Nic), he is on the verge of a significant breakthrough in his life, but the enemy is desperately trying to pull him back into a type of hell... he professes Christ Jesus, but is having a terrible time with some fruits of the spirit, self-control seems to be the weakest, please pray for Nic... also please pray for a guy named Sam, there haven't been any updates on his whereabouts since we started praying for him... and lastly, please pray for a guy named Christopher (not me, a different one, but i appreciate prayer too), Chris has unique challenges which i can't clearly understand, but he seems weary in his journey in some respects... I have a friend named Stephen that could use some help in the self-control area as well, please pray for Steve too, he built-up a life and a lifestyle which present more responsibilities than a human could reasonably keep up with... anyways, thank you for your consideration, and exercising human-to-god intervention.  --  ct
12-01-21: if god is omnipresent, omnipotent, omni... well, whatever other 'omni's' that are characteristics of god, then we are literally consumed within, we exist within the creator... the one that much of humanity run's from or foolishly denies... our solar system could be but one atom within one neuron within the mind of the creator... where can a young man go to hide from your presence, how could a woman hide from your face, who can escape from your sight and your essence... whose simple and rebellious and depraved mind can deny your reality and fight against your goodness and perfection and supremacy... you have given me free will, but the heart to seek yours... you've given me eyes to see the world, but the desire to see it as you see it... you have given me legs to walk a long journey, yet your invisible hand guides me and carries me along the way... thinking of Psalm 119 today... keep me on path's of righteousness for your name's sake... keep me from following the distractions and noise of the world, and embrace your spirit and it's fruits, and your priorities in life... you have called me to be strong and courageous, give me the discernment to use and exercise the resources of your provisions, and keep my mind from spoiling that which you have given... help me to actualize more of the potential that you offered to me in life, and to use my mind for your plans and to your glory... thinking of Psalms today... thinking of God today... embracing life and free will and the love of a father today. -- ct
11-29-21: i'm not a professional religious person, in fact any one of them could tell you that in an instant, but as someone that had an introduction to the theory of God through the perspective of an American New England sub-burb of Boston and the local Catholic Church (in fact it was one which employed a convicted pedophile--as would later be revealed after he was investigated by his church and the typical legal system, it's also worth mentioning that 'father o'something-or-other had his hand on my leg for probably as long as he needed to fulfill that deviant part of his soul, and then out of god's mercy he was summoned upstairs by one of the other professional religious people that lived at the local 'rectory' where i was employed to answer telephones and take notes and be polite and helpful to folks that visited that office/residence, i'm pretty sure that he was under heavy suspicion and surveillance around that particular time, by his fellow employees and external government LE, so his brethren were keeping him on a short-leash you could say), i think i was in middle-school, but i'm stuck trying to determine the year in history, anyways... god spared me from one more possible trauma, that guy was a sociopath in every sense now that i start looking back at that event, a smart and smooth-as-a-serpent talking deviant predator had at least one of his hands on my quadriceps area for an extended period of time, until he was called upstairs to his residence by the other faculty... how creepy is that, i was subjected to--and even in the hands of a predator, and then delivered through intervention... like i said, creepy, i can use the term creepy simply as that--because it didn't progress beyond that encounter, but as far as fight/flight/freeze instincts were concerned, i was of the 'freeze, and never talk about it again' mindset, i felt sort of ashamed to have been naive enough to let him touch me when he asked, and vulnerable too, as i froze for a period that was long enough to be interpreted as fvcking creepy and wrong, but it was eye-opening that creep-azoids live among us, and prey on the vulnerable, i should say that i no longer had much to listen to what the catholic denomination had to teach after realizing that a predator existed within their pride, although i continued through many of the weekly routines and religious celebrations and rituals, and still tried to live a pretty decent life based on the ten commandments was concerned, although later i would determine that i broke everyone of those commandments, if not physically then in my heart/thoughts, and so goes the journey of spiritual awakening and growth and understanding the reality of spiritual battle... it's worth mentioning that i have since encountered a couple of solid catholic church services in florida several years later that i appreciated and was a bit impressed with in many respects, i have met folks that have been brought-up in the same religious environment, and they way they live their lives is testament to their true love to/of both god and man, there is no denying the fruits of the spirit when they are routine as some of my catholic friends and family members exhibit... so if we back up to the beginning, and then to say that my perception of how god and jesus sort of fit together was a bit warped and grossly-filtered would be an understatement, but as time moved forward i found myself on a better understanding of how jesus fit into the picture as far as god goes... i'm terrible late getting started on a project that i must tend to, but it goes something like this jesus=logos in the flesh, the messiah of the prophets... logos as in 'in the beginning there was the word (logos), and the word was god, and the word was with god', or something like that, i would have to look it up again, but i haven't contemplated the word 'logos' in years, i appreciate the ctmu for stimulating that 'word' back in my vocabulary and concept, 'language-based' theory, who-knew... i'll look-up and modify the scripture that i crudely recalled, i'll fix the wording later.  -- ct

11-29-21 later: i'm taking a break from cleaning out some undesirable refuse from the shed, it's hard to feel my fingers and knuckles, so i appreciate the break and stretching my fingers for a bit, but the clean-out/up is going well and so over-due, it will be immediately followed by actual cleaning and some re-organization.  lately i've been thinking of getting some KJV or NKJV variant of the christian bible, it's not the best version that speaks with current popular vocabulary, but it's supposed to be pretty darn close to ancient texts, so maybe it's good for me and the next step for offspring and guests, or maybe i don't give people enough credit to comprehend the language of old king james, but who really talks like that anyhow... my most recent leadership position required me to write to folks that english was their second language, and to assume that they could only interpret fourth--to no higher than eight-grade reading ability, and to some extent that is the best way to communicate to folks in america, and even when choosing words that speak to a particular denominator it is unwise to assume that everyone can read to begin with... the folks that i worked with knew that i loved most of them and respected most of them for their contributions and work-ethic as well as other factors... and some of those other folks drove me to drink more than i desired/needed to, some of those folks came from countries that should not have allowed them anywhere near an operational automobile, and clearly should not have been on the streets of boston delivering consumer-goods, a city that is severely over-populated and was already teaming with uber/lyft drivers, as well as delivery drivers for every other product under the sun... not really a great idea google... so my point is that there are many iterations of the christian bible, some are more authentic than others, and some carry select use of words to accomplish a narrative, i need to find a regularly worded bible that most folks comprehend after only one or two or three readings, but i personally enjoy the poetic choice of vocabulary in the KJV., i guess i'll get a new one soon, i've been reading digitally for years now, i just need something a bit larger font than most young-ins are capable of reading, my IQ is low enough that i don't need any other obstacles, such as font-size, getting in my way as potential obstacles... i'm beginning to feel my fingers again, i think it's time to get back to emptying the shed and backyard of clutter. -- ct

11-23-21: reading, learning, contemplating, and praying regarding the subject of 'free-will', versus 'divine intervention/guidance'. it causes me to go back and consider the time in my life when i got 'more serious with god', call it what you want, but it was the beginning of repentance based on a 'newer' understanding of Jesus the Nazarene... i had a core belief that was understood since early childhood that there was/is an actual god, and that jesus had something to do with god, but it took a zillion variables in order to put more logic/understanding of the importance of jesus and god... it wasn't until an exceedingly memorable evening--back so many years ago--when i consumed some fungi containing psilocybin, to say that i was troubled and lacking an adequate human support system is an understatement. i spent 45 months active duty army (36 months contractual and 9 additional months stop-loss due to ODS). by the time i had returned to MA (the state of my birth) my body and mind were pretty fvcking beat-up (gimpy knees and right shoulder, constant back spasms, chronic tension and insomnia, panic attacks, numbness of emotions, allergies and asthma, isolation, and didn't want to talk about anything more than skin-deep with anyone) pretty much the poster-child for ptsd labeled symtoms. i worked a shitty retail sports type of job where i was an outsider due to my lack of pedigree and monetary value, but i loved playing tennis and a store manager that i still have great respect for offered me the first employment opportunity post-military, i had more or less resumed an unwanted 'care-taker' responsibility for a loved-one that i was living with--i had forgotten about the care-taker role and responsibility while i was away doing army things, and i was too unhealthy in my own head to help someone that required more help than i was able to offer. i was also encouraged/manipulated into beginning college before i was adequately prepared to do so (which turned-out to be disastrous for my academic dreams), but shame on me for being influenced by someone that by all means had zero qualifications to advise me on anything other than where to find a good sandwich... i could go on and on about that particular period of time, my early twenties, but you probably get the idea.  i didn't have much peace or security in my life at that point, i had improperly assumed that self-medicating with socially acceptable, and widely available alcohol--as well as illegal drugs would offer some sort of repair to my brokenness... i was a train-wreck waiting to happen... but that was sort of my state of being... my best friend who is as close to an actual brother as an only-child can comprehend was taking guitar lessons from someone (who also turned out to be a great friend and a good influence) that had conversations about jesus, and that a repentance to god was possible as i opened my heart/mind to jesus mission and willingness to change my perspectives and to begin living a life that was more in the template of the christ... well actually, i don't know what/how their conversations really went, but when my buddy began to explain this concept to me i thought he was a knucklehead that went off the deep-end... and then one fateful night, while under the influence of beer, magic-mushrooms, and probably some cannabis too, well the things that my buddy had been talking about sort of came to a pinnacle as i laid on a sofa in a dark room, and cried out to god to take me if he will, and to forgive my previous thoughts and actions and behaviors, and to make me more like the christ, because i was convinced/knew that jesus was the real-deal, he was the messiah that many ancient prophets had written about, and that he came to show the way the truth and the light... i could recall many of my faulty actions and did my best to communicate to god that i didn't know how to change my thoughts, or how to control my actions and behaviors, but that i knew that i required change... during that time--where i lay in quiet darkness--it seemed like god was sort of communicating back to me and recalling many times in my past where i should have died by accident, or on purpose, at my own hands or by other people's actions... it was as if god was showing me that he had been more in control of my destiny than i had been, i had done numerous and unimaginable things which can be described as self-destruction, but god had sustained my life, and hadn't forgotten about me and whatever potential that i hadn't squandered already, god wasn't ready for me to die even though i was pretty sure that i was more than ready to do so... i can't explain the gratitude and peace that i had experienced after that moment, i could literally 'feel' an indescribable sensation of what seemed like 'things leaving my body/soul', almost as if some spirits were exiting my physical or spiritual host/body, and i felt a new sense of 'lightness', it was the weight sort of lightness, not the visual illumination type, but really the whole ordeal was a spiritual illumination... the words 'gratitude and peace' come back to mind... as i contemplate the event today i recall the words of 'footsteps in the sand'... but the story of how i formally 'met' god come to mind today when i contemplate a facebook post which speaks to human's existing free will and it's relation to a 'fatherly god' who still hold's the hand and guide's the path for a fifty-two year old, and sometimes ungrateful and uncareful child (me)... i'd love to patronize the notion that i am old enough and smart enough to dictate the course of every thought and action, but there is still--and always will be--a god who has far more control over my surroundings/environment than i ever really consider... when i live my life in the impulsiveness of routine and gearless-nuetrality of sub-consciousness i find it far too easy to leave god out of the equation, and make myself and my insufficient reasoning through faulty/compulsive thoughts, words, and deeds... (sorry, i was just interrupted by an unsavory telemarketer that wanted to speak and sell, not listen)... and now i have to drive someone to an appointment, pardon my hasty departure, and unfinished thoughts, life calls, i respond. -- ct

11-23-21 later: ... but reading more ctmu 'theory' i understand that--contrary to the bad times depicted in 'footsteps in the sand', god is much more active in our daily lives, and not just during high's and low's ... dang-it, i have to leave again for another thing.  --  ct
11-18-21: This is just cut and paste from regular blog, it isn't well thought out or written with and decent detail, but it's important for spiritual and personal growth, so it has to go here to, for now:

yesterday's post got wiped when i tried to ctrl + v... the paste resulted in blank text, and the rest was already gone to the shitty session-kill that this crummy service offers... i could chalk that up as user-error because i ought to know the possibility of that error occurring, but it always seems to occur when i am at a dwindling level of consciousness (tired/sleepy), bu then again that's typically when i make the most mistakes, such is life... i have another writing project that i began yesterday, i can't foresee it providing any financial resources, but it ought to have positive and lasting benefit to my soul/psyche, it's one of those 'dear eric hansen' things where you write letters to people and yourself as a way to examine the past and actually offer a type of communication to god about significant people and our past, the term he used the other day was 'open up full level of our hearts' or 'true repentance' (and NO, it wasn't a professional religious person that used those terms)... and the term that was used as the reasoning for the project is 'impacted grief'... depending on how fvcked-up your past has been, and what types of events that you have experienced, and how you processed those events and remember them today, well if you are a ptsd type of person like me then there is a good chance that you might have a tad of that impacted grief yourself, but that's between you and god and maybe even a intermediary or two to help facilitate, but anyhow, since i have been reading Kubler-Ross and Kessler trying to get a grasp on the reality of emotions and common experiences that they clump together as 'grief' then the term impacted-grief already speaks to me without having researched yet... impacted-grief, impacted wisdom teeth, i get it, but i'm looking forward to consuming more info on the subject, and the writing project... there are many exercises and ideas and topics to help facilitate creativity for authors/writers, but most that i have read are crazy-shallow wastes of calories/energy, so this is one of the ideas that seems to have redeeming and lasting benefits, so i consider it a worthy exercise and hopefully doorway to further discovery and healing. my body is subject to over-reacting, take my immune system for instance, it over-reacts to many air-born particulates that don't bother most other folks, over-analyzing traumatic events based on ignorance, ego, and emotions is a recipe for disaster, and when i say 'ignorance' i use the word to describe not having enough of appropriate understanding/education, i don't mean being a dummy, i fully understand that i'm as ignorant as fvck about some things that i have learned incorrectly or haven't even considered yet, but i'm not as much of a dummy as you might think, although i did abuse my brain/intelligence/potential for many years trying to forget painful historical events... trying to make use of god-given potential requires embracing reality, ignoring and trying to stuff-away unpleasant experiences and not fully learning from them is pretty dumm (i know/love folks that cannot physically speak, so i prefer to use the 'crash-test dummy' type of wording for dumm), i will call it ignorant... some folks that are about as dumm as me may actually require a smarter person to more or less take you by the hand and walk through the event, like a parent to their child when trying to teach and show you how to do something... i guess i required that from time to time, and sometimes more than others... i spent over fifties years learning how to stifle and trying to forget unpleasant experiences, 'take a pill and carry-on' was the mentality, but your sub-conscious simply doesn't let memories escape, we have a ton of 'storage-space' in our brains and as much as we would like to f-disk or re-write the past it simply doesn't work that way... since my renewed prayer-life has taken shape it seems that the combination of prayer and communicating in the simple way that i know how through valuable writing exercises i am encouraged that an overall healthier version of myself is closer than i feel at the moment... and how, a special 'thank you' to Jesse, and a special 'thank you' to christopher langan, both have offered some education that was long overdue. ok, i got to get back to responsibilities, cheers. -- ct
10-05-21: so based on most of today's conversation i would give credence to Kesler's sixth step of grieving which is 'meaning', or maybe you could call it a type of recovery or healing to make best use of your time/space/domain, basically embracing painful sh1t that changed your life and not falling back on primal instincts when more life changes that were beyond control in some major/minor fashion, certain circumstances/events can trigger unhealthy thoughts/actions/behaviors/words/deeds, choose your preferred label, some folks recover quickly from events that turn their words upside, like a break-up, or death, or witnessing or participating in a painful and hard to fully explain sort of circumstance that isn't always pleasant to be reminded about, some folks learn full implications from such events in an instant, some folks require distractive busy-ness rather than embracing a life changing event, some folks deal with depression and don't feel motivated to want to change or to know how to change, then others don't want to be overly motivated but basically trying to keep busy doing distractive things that probably aren't as important as they may seem at the time... i think Kesler's 'finding meaning' is learning how to be resilient and finding new purpose given painful or shocking memories that maybe haven't been fully grieved in other aspects, so i like kesler's contribution to the field of 'grief', i think today's conversation might beer witness to that pillar of grieving, it's like saying how do we get past this multi-faceted event after we have had time and education to unpack it, there is education and even a god that can assist in such things such as meaning/finding-meaning/purpose, but sometimes everything just feels shitty and you stuck in 'n-neutral transmission' then the theory is that there is some sort of 'grieving' going-on and you might require some education and even some temporary assistance depending on your current understanding of what a neccesative lifestyle entails, how comfortable you really need to be or lack of comfort that is tolerable or even realistic and what dependencies you have on others and things that are tangible and not so tangible, in many respects that is where i find myself today, i would say that finding meaning equates to being an active participant in post-triggering event, or at least a step in that direction, i feel like i was pushed back to learning basic survival pillars which are that we need food, water, and sleep to survive, fire helps to contribute to the water/food/sleep, so does an adequate shelter if you plan to survive in that geography for more than a day or two, clothing helps to make the weather elements more bearable... so anyway, i had to get my mindset back to basics... but both god and mankind offer much to living in a place of maintaining or even thriving as some folks like to say, i would say that just as there is a healthy level of surviving versus maintaining there is a healthy and unhealthy level of maintaining and the requirement of thriving, there is some healthy level/balance/ratio of surviving/maintaining/thriving that is a mystery, religion/god seems to bring a good perspective of that healthy ratio, anyways, this is just crude simple perspective with limited education/research and i have to give someone a ride to works, so i gotta go. -- ct
09-30-21:  it seems that most of my post-conversion to christianity experience that were my most ignorant and painful were the times where i wasn't proactive about my faith, the biggest mistakes of selfish ignorance were times when i assumed that i could just be in a re-active mode and assuming that god would stop me from doing stupid things so i could just 'unplug' and try to live life doing things my way... this is just a note for future expansion, it's important enough to write about but now is not the time for it.  --  ct
09-28-21: awesome freakin day, i had a very productive conversation with a guy name Jessie, he's a pro that works for a Vet Center somewhere in the continental US and he basically helped teach a course regarding the umbrella of grief as defined by a smart and observant woman named Kluber-Ross, the year i was born she published an insightful paper that became the gold standard in her field, she published her paper from the perspective of someone that worked with terminally ill folks, but her observations were broken down into some primary facets that are applicable for almost every person at some point during their growth and development, so i'm not smart enough to really write about it when she and others have already done so thoroughly so many years ago, but it's solid education when explained so well by smart people that can write down to my level... if i were to compare her theory and publications to something in a christian/biblical sense i would say that her writings on human emotional and growth cycle/cycles might be to call them 'kingdom principles', and i loosely define kingdom principles as sort of recurring topics/themes/passages/verses that can be applied together as a law, or maybe call it as an understood/gimme/obvious/important when contemplating life in general, you could call them god to human aspects that are important in understanding... i should point out that many 'denominations' of western christian denominations get hung-up, to over-emphasize certain kingdom principles that can lead to unhealthy perspectives/distractions to life in general, but kingdom principles are important nonetheless, that's why they call them principles, right... but Elisabeth Kubler Ross's publications on principles ubrella'd as 'grief' is universal/applicable across many facets of psychology and human nature in general, so i got a great lesson today that began with a conversation with a former military cook, and it was followed by some reading, followed by a shit-cha, followed by some adequate understanding, followed by, well whatever, but man it's been an insightful day for a guy that has been through entirely too many trauma's of different types with an inability to understand basics of grieving and typical emotional and life-long educational progress, if you are a veteran that deals with any sort of silent suffering of any sorts then you owe it to yourself to research topics of 5 or 6 steps of grieving, Kubler did the heavy hitting observations and Kesler learned a great deal from her and worked with her to write with her, and his sixth principle of 'meaning' seems to be healthy and worthy of mentioning as well, so getting into Kesler i saw that he worked with first responders regarding trauma and so learning about trauma and traumatic grief as basic principles for dealing with symptoms under the umbrella of ptsd is essential, but maybe with the assistance of a decent counselor/therapist if the principles don't really minister to your heart and head, a solid religious leader will probably have a good understanding of such ideas but maybe not in the words of Kubler Ross, decent religious leaders will understand kingdom principles and reality to assist with the full progression toward maintenance and even preventative-maintenance and education on the subject of grieving/grief... the kingdom principle is that tough shit happens in life and understanding/processing/recovering from such tough-shit is necessary and important toward becoming the full person that god expects us to become, appreciating god's grace in such processes is very helpful for personal growth and development... but don't take my word for it, i'm not a professional anything so research such ideas or topics for yourself or with the assistance of really smart people that are professionals, they can steer you right, but man, today was a good day, i was going to install an air conditioner but i ended up going to school in some respects... now on the matter of traumatic grieving, your world get's turned upside down to some degree through a painful/confusing event, if post-trauma grieving involves the full grieving spectrum then is trauma almost like part of you died and you are griving the death of yourself or 'life as you've known it', is that sort of the thing, there seems to be more necessary learning on my part... in some respects 'school started' in this grieving matter, so i'm looking forward the next class, maybe i'll be up late again, seeking god in this matter is very important, understanding through the gift of hindsight is important when your future can benefit from such contemplation... today was a good day. -- ct

09-26-21: writing has taken a back-seat for the past week, i've been dealing with some personal and emotional challenges regarding a family dynamic... some people deal with emotional shit that is out of our control in healthy manors and others with unhealthy manors, i think i have been doing both, but the most notable is a distracting thing where i am trying to keep myself busy with a current goal which is cleaning and organizing a home that i will simply call a hoarding/hygeinic breeding ground, i'm getting our house in order whether other family members are happy about it or not, i can't live in a shit-hole any longer and i'm embarrassed that i ever let our home get to it's current state... when you live in a tear-down house with a cellar/crawl-space that encourages critters, insects and dampness to infiltrate you must keep such a house as neat and dry as possible until the house collapses or you move, when you let the house get to hoardsville/dump conditions the bugs and dampness and dust balls have their way until much of the hoard-crap needs to be thrown away or burned... irritants, mold, mildew, dust take control and the tear-down house becomes more unhealthy than necessary and sinus and vascular challenges are persistent, as stated above, i am distracting myself by getting our house in order and whether or not i can teach my family through this experience remains to be seen... i don't have a ton of steady readers so i don't feel that it's necessary to apologize to anyone while i get my house in order and write less, but that's what's going on around here... i'm trying to use this cleaning and organizing as an educational tool for my family but it's a challenge in many respects, prayer is welcomed and encouraged by the reader, marriages have ended over less challenges but lifestyle changes that fit into reality can be painful and the older we get and the longer that persistent dysfunctions run wild the more painful that necessary changes can 'feel'... i don't want things to get to the point where i move out and into a survival type of shelter but it might be healthier to chronic sinus and vascular conditions that are exacerbated by unhealthy lifestyle choices and decisions and ignorance... i have thrown away many moldy and insect dwelling clothes that are left thrown about and looking into how many dehumidifiers we can afford for next spring, and how much we can afford to keep them running in order to live in a tear-down house with little water/vapor control until we find the right place to move to, and when we can afford to move there, as stated above, prayer is welcomed by the reader... when i used to work for a living instead of being home and present it was easy to just let this sort of dysfunction run it's course, now that i've been home i have become aware of the magnitude of our living situation and trying to figure out how to get through this mountain of a problem that is need of correction... i want a big-ass fvcking dumpster to dispose of unmanaged 'memories' that don't do a fvcking thing in day to day living but seem to be littering our tear-down home that resembles stereo-typical unhygienic hoard... i've been distracting myself through personal and emotional difficulty by trying to clean our fvcking house while most household members are more concerned with making more messes and contributing to unhygienic hoarding rather than learning to be responsible adults, i've spent more time cleaning and organizing and removing refuse than i have been writing this past week, that's why i haven't been writing... i don't know how i ended up in this sort of lifestyle but nothing about it makes sense, when and where to move are the longer term questions, and how to teach the rest of the family about healthy and hygienic living is the short-term mission... we have got to move out of a tear-down house in a town that doesn't make sense for our lifestyle and into a different geography that is a bit more dispersed and offers space to be more self-sufficient in terms of growing and raising food and working with hands not just minds and money... but cleaning house seems to be the current mission, employment should be a consideration as well, but it's secondary when you live in an unhygienic shit-hole... did i mention that prayer is appreciated... anyways, that's partly why i haven't written much this past week, i'm using emotional distractions and energy to try to do something useful, too bad being a house-keeper isn't my only responsibility otherwise this place might actually look nice, but somehow and someway i chose this particular lifestyle and the repentance process is tiring and painful. -- ct
09-23-21: i haven't written much on this section of the website recently, but i've been living it, lot's of praying for logical words and actions in preparing the last couple of weeks before my son shipped off to boot camp, also a bunch of other variables too, my daughter's birthday to commemorate a special year was important, and helping my wife and other daughter with projects and difficulties were good priorities too lately, but the transnational month of september--when school aged children and adolescents get back to different routines and schedules--always presents challenges, this year it included watching an eighteen year old leave the nest so to speak, i suspect that he will return home when his military commitment is over, but i can't assume anything, so this year's september hasn't disappointed, it's been as transitional and challenging as any other september normally is, when basing things on an academic school year you know that christmas break is always nice, but June is the next big transitional month, June always turns our live's upside down for a bit too, closing out the school year finishing projects and then learning to embrace new routines is the challenge for the summer break... anyhow, transitions aside, i wanted to touch on a few things that i've read and contemplated a bit lately, logic... that's all, just logic... in my simple little brain the word logic is a way of deducing reality, whether through applied mathematics/science or by reasoning through other means of intellectual observational means such as philosophy which must include religion, for a hardcore scientist void of religion you probably require more understanding of vocabulary/language variables and philosophies of reality and religion become your problems are worked out, you require more words not numbers to calculate the problems or theories that you are trying to solve... read chris langan's works and get a handle on some of his theory (ctmu) to get a better understanding of my post, but a guy from one of the ctmu's website's used a phrase similar to 'logic being the overlap between philosophy and science, it makes me more on the lines of what meta-religion consists of, and why language/vocabulary are detriment to understanding reality, and even god's will... a math-science person may require factual proven equations to believe in some reality, but telling them that god is love is like throwing a shitload of random numbers at them and telling them to use those random numbers to formulate how many bananas a human of my height/weight/age and genetic predispositions should eat every four to six hours, but they have to use the random numbers that i threw at them to solve this equation... i wrote about this today while i was reading some ctmu-related stuff and then recalling a social-network platform comment from one person that i don't know who commented with some nasty words based on their feelings of the word 'agape', they thought the word was too vague and therefore the whole theory of god's love was irrelevant based on actions of folks that described themselves as christians... i'll have to give this some more thought, but now i have to drive some kids to school. -- ct
09-07-21 later: i recently read, and then heard some bad news about an old friend, he's having a nasty time understanding enough of god's basics that his life went from 'turned upside down' to all kind's of 'shaken and stirred' and a lot more fvcked up than one could imagine... pray for a guy named donald if you will, some nasty things happened about twenty years ago and things are getting worse not better, making a conscious decision to withhold forgiveness has evolved into all sorts of harsh realities, when a person begins a relationship or communion with god they are not supposed to live their lives in neutral in sub-conscious and emotional compulsions, there... please pray for a guy named donald, his whereabouts is unknown, and he and his loved one's could really use some prayer about now. -- ct

09-05-21: it might seem peculiar to post this particular blog under the religion and philosophical section, but folks that seek religion in it's purest form must understand that awakening or otherwise understanding in a giver of life, or something bigger than you, or something that maybe you cannot clearly articulate or even verbalize to a certain degree, but many folks from many places believe in a god, and many of those folks desire to have some sort of ‘connection’ to god, well we typically understand that a connection to god requires cognitive thoughts or meditation or focus or communion or communication to that god, and also with words and actions and behaviors too, and that those things combined must not cancel out the positive words/actions, we must understand when thoughts and actions and behaviors somehow equate to an equation whose variables do not equate at all, thus yielding hypocrisy or chronic dysfunction... chronic dysfunction and hypocrisy are learning opportunities waiting to happen, you could call them religious education that requires remedial help and intervention, well smarter people can articulate that statement with a better one i'm sure, but to a certain degree that's what most 'religions' of the world preach/teach, they mostly preach a modest lifestyle and keeping oneself from certain actions and behaviors and keeping oneself better connected to god through thoughts about other things that probably yield to more appropriate actions and behaviors, such as becoming responsible members of whatever community you live in by becoming some sort of contributing and mutually beneficial to your community, and even larger geographies as duty calls, as well as showing total equality by helping others that you can help and teaching people that you can teach in pure ways that do not exploit temptations that lead to poor actions and behaviors, and also understanding that life offers plenty of distracting and deviant temptations that equals unacceptable actions and behaviors that many people eventually change, and also many people refer to those sorts of unacceptable things as being attributed to a devil or a satan of some sorts, some sort of enemy of god itself, something almost like a good and evil type of difference, like polar opposites, some folks from some religions are taught that other people from other places or religions are devils themselves for various reasons, that is not wise and should not be taught or preached, most folks from far and distant lands are not devils, but sometimes leaders that don't really appreciate god are in charge and exhibit bad words and actions and behaviors, and so they get a following of like-minded people that do the same, but it does not mean that different people from different lands and different major religions are anymore the devil then evil itself, many folks have been misguided by leaders that should not lead, but many folks that just want to live normal peaceful regular lives may have a better understanding of true religion than some religious leaders themselves… truth, time, and history tells the whole story of leaders, but words and actions and behaviors tell much about the leaders that lead, but there is a saying that you will know real religious people by their fruits... but i am no religious pro, so don't go taking my words for granted, but it isn't difficult to research simple things related to what i just wrote, and see for yourself if anything written above is essentially true or not, i encourage readers to be active participants in the simple things that i write and not just taking my word for it please and thank you... i fall into a religious belief system that follows the words and actions and behaviors of a person known throughout history as Jesus, and he hailed from Nazareth, we actually believe that the god (the giver of life and the world itself) spoke to many people that eventually foretold of a chosen one that would show and tell the world the sorts of things that god expected and required, there is a conscious decision of sorts to make... now i said all of that just to say that jesus himself spoke about certain types of requirements, or things like fruits of the spirit that would suggest that folks that have a solid connection to god would exhibit things that many people described as many different things and ways but look up or research on your own a book called galatians, chapter number five and then maybe start around verse thirteen or so, and then let the dude known as 'paul' instruct of certain important matters, and let me mention that when you are reading such verses and it seems a bit weird than just replace the word 'spirit' with the word 'god', some folks say that god is spirit and spirit is a part of god and god and that jesus and god part of the spir... ok, like i said, i am not a pro, but we sort of believe that's the case, so maybe read galatians verses 13 thru 26 maybe and think of having a decent connection to a being that is greater than any of us humans, and then maybe use the word god in place of spirit, and then maybe you might see any sort of requirements of acceptable actions and behaviors written within those verses... and so there is a simple common denominator of acceptable actions and behaviors, and some folks like me even say that they are sort of proof of a connection to our god, and so we call those traits or behaviors 'fruits of the spirit' whereby spirit is our god, or part of our god, or something that smart religious folks can articulate better than me, and so then this small world that we live in is home to many people from many places that understand many philosophies and religions and other things that are socially acceptable actions and behaviors that their various cultures find to be acceptable, and what they find unacceptable in their cultures, and many cultures have certain rules about what is acceptable according to their traditions and local communities that are not practiced or condoned by other peoples from other cultures, but most folks that are just trying to live normal peaceful lives actually understand the differences between morally and good conscious thoughts and words and deeds versus the opposite of morally and good words and actions and behaviors... then if you mix those things up with other simple things like what the ten commandments teach is acceptable and expected then you see more of the bigger picture too... as i stated before multiple times i am not a professional religious person so you could seek those folks if you want to know more on the matter that i wrote about, i should also mention that this day and age it is not difficult to research certain things and topics that you find interesting on the internet... it's not hard to research certain things when you have an idea of what to research for yourself... sometimes god can speak to those who are curious enough to seek and search for something more than they have understood before, there is this saying from some important guy that said something 'seek and you will find' or something like that, but you can research that too if you find it curious... well anyways, i don't necessarily write to folks in specific religious belief systems, sometimes, well many times i sort of do but it's mostly just simple reminders of the bigger picture, for folks that identify as christians i would just encourage them to understand where a grace-heavy philosophy dismisses the requirement of self-control, self-control is a simple 'fruit' of god, i would simply remind christians that over-stating faith and grace diminishes actual fruits of god that are not really ‘buried’ within requirements of acceptable actions and behaviors but they exist there on purpose, self-control is also considered taming of unhealthy actions or reactions or learned behavior, or you could also say actions and behaviors, to the christian that is relying heavily upon grace and faith i would say to possibly pray for fruit of self-control, which is something that is also a straight-up conscious decision when you know between right and wrong and give up on resisting temptations, that is the prayer that i would pray for many christians that are either currently relying heavily upon grace and faith, religion in it’s purest form requires a transformation, and a continuing on at that, and it’s through god's continuous communication in our lives that certain actions and behaviors that were once acceptable are no longer acceptable, one must mature over time, otherwise we are kidding ourselves while not kidding god at all, we never ‘kid’ or ‘fool’ god, it just doesn't really work that way, we only kid ourselves when we rely on grace and faith alone without considering the fruits of words+actions+behaviors equation, fruits are a very big part of the equation, they are sort of proof, faith and grace are both good and necessary in many ways, but they both eventually require a greater level of conscious actions and behaviors which includes the self-control/discipline fruit, it’s like the apples in the fruit salad of america, apples and self-control are both there in their respective ingredients for a reason, and neither should be left-out of the recipe of fruit salad because they are equally important, unless you are allergic to apples I suppose, or reject choosing wisdom at your moral-core, at some point we understand that those fruit things are requirements too, they are even proof you might say, well paul did anyhow… but reality is that most folks that are stuck in unhealthy and compromised priorities and routines and could benefit from some more self-control, eventually we must all exercise better and healthier routines and behaviors… it's a good prayer to pray for when you know you are in need of a bit more of it... but like i said, i am not a religious pro, so i encourage folks to conduct further research on their own… in fact, since I am not a religious pro I mostly just write to regular normal people that just want to live regular lives and know that there is some type of god or something like that, i mostly just write about simple topics and not really smart one's, so pardon my crude contribution to religion... feel free to research important matters on your own though, especially if something that i wrote makes sense or doesn't make sense, maybe god needs to clarify something between you and/or i, so please assume that further research is required... i am just a simple guy that appreciates the 'words' and 'actions' and 'behaviors' of a guy that lived a couple of thousand years ago, from my perspective he walked around wearing sheets and slippers, not fancy and expensive clothing, he didn’t have professional publicists because he didn’t require an egotistical image/mask to ‘live up to’ or to maintain, but he did have various witnesses from different backgrounds and they were all just as flawed as any of us can be from time to time, and many of those folks networked, so in some respects it was many of the closest folks who listened and paid attention that were responsible for carrying his/god’s message, Jesus didn’t require a Hollywood scripted image, he showed us how to be real and transparent and simple and humble and live a life that considers others as important too… I wrote most of this in the wee-hours of the night, so I’ll have to come back and clean it up some in the future, but maybe you can still comprehend something worth reading above. -- ct

09-01-21: September Morn... happy september to those of us who appreciate cooler weather and to everyone else as well... it doesn't matter who you are or where you live, it's sept in the usa and i extend a happy september to you, it's a new month for new opportunities, and new opportunities to get right in your head and you heart... seek religion in it's purest form if you never have done so, it could be the most productive month of your life... and if you are a religious-ey sort of person then seek a more transparent relationship with god and a more transparent relationship with yourself this month beginning right now, you require it... many religious folks are enthralled with the notion of having a connection with the giver of life, but not too happy with conforming one's life to the template and example and words and actions of jesus of nazareth... many folks want to operate in the semi-conscious and subconscious where we just act/react to life and stimuli as we always do, the god of life requires pro-action, being proactive to live a life that appreciates others as much as we appreciate ourselves, the giver of life requires us to connect with it and being proactive to give more temptations and desires and spoiled and selfish thoughts and actions to it, and to extend more of it's love to those we encounter, the giver of life expects more of our hearts and minds than most folks wish to allow... utilize this new month of september to embrace and conform to the giver of life itself, it's a requirement for a better future... happy september. -- ct
08-30-21:  better to treat and understand everyone as your equal, that means not trying to fool them or exploit them, but love them equally as you might a parent or your offspring, otherwise all sorts of difficulties will emerge, better to love everyone as your equal, the sooner you become more christ-like and then treat others as your equals the better your chances for a life worthy of living and the more privileged you are, don't try to exploit people that you desire something from, better to be open an honest/transparent and even humble soul to others, it saves you a bunch of time and prevents you from difficult experiences and painful education... better to treat others as equals, not objects to manipulate and use, because that's just wrong... don't be deceived and fooled by all smiling politicians, not all smiles are alike, some of them are from actors that are not treating you as their equal, and do not appreciate you as a person, only a vote and a tool.  --  ct

08-28-21:  please pray for folks in the gulf of mexico, more specifically it looks like the folks in louisiana are about to get clobbered with a big and nasty hurricane, they call it 'Ida'... some folks don't like to imagine doing so, but please also pray for folks in Cuba, many of them got hit pretty hard form the hurricane known as Ida, they got it pretty bad but state run media doesn't allow inside affairs to be broadcast outside of their 'sovereign country', but they could still really use some prayer about know as other communist regimes are giving them a helping hand, and it sounds like Jamaica got it pretty badly too, but i haven't seen media coverage or heard of specifics concerning Jamaica and Cuba, i just heard that they got whooped pretty bad by a natural disaster... hurricane season is nasty, and some years are worse that others, this year is shaping up to be a doo-see.  --  ct

08-27-21:  please pray for folks in Afghanistan, the one's trying to get out of there and the others that are stuck with taliban as their make-shift government and military, please pray for them and their safety... please also pray for folks in Haiti and Tennessee that were recently and severely impacted by natural disasters, and please pray for folks that are in direct path of hurricane Ida, the hurricane is heading in a vulnerable part of america that has experienced tons of storms, and the coast won't be the end of the hurricane's destruction, it's going to come right up the eastern part of our country here in the usa... and please pray for me if you care to, i am surviving a nasty period of my life and getting better every day, but i still require help and some that i am even aware of, prayer is appreciated.  --  ct
08-19-21: let's be clear that i'm far from a superior intellect with a well-diversed and educated background to any degree to use smart-sounding vocabulary, i'm a simple guy with a simple vocabulary, and some of my vocabulary was acquired from public education, so sometimes i use simple words to communicate simple things that are over-complicated to the degree that my simple head can only use simple vocabulary to communicate... so, i use this word from time to time, it's a weird word with multiple meanings but i use a word called 'compromise' with a bit of regularity and so i thought it would be wise to expand on it a bit further, and so when my kids read this crummy website someday they will understand what their weird dad meant when i use this weird word called compromise... i think at it's core i would use some sloppy simple words to describe a 'compromise' as the moment that a person begins to lie to themselves to justify their actions and behaviors and probable dysfunction, it's when a person begins to make excuses for the poor decisions that we make, poor decisions that everyone makes based on the imperfect nature of our species... at it's core, a 'compromise' can come in all shapes and sizes, but self-compromise can occur on regular basis for undetermined periods of time until true education and realization is observed and embraced and appreciated and positive change is clear as day and a witness in reality and truth in-itself... but the word compromise could also be further simplified in moral terms and respects as a choice between good and evil once there is a known understanding of why good is good and bad is bad, someone weird like me could even say that self-compromise and lack of true understanding and maybe even evil itself is an obstacle from embracing true/truth and the way and the light, to some degree... the word compromise is self-evident and self-explanatory when understood... a simple and obvious compromise to good and evil is observed in the practice and medical term called abortion, the compromises that people who support that type of dysfunction are as multi-faceted and complex as excuses can be thought and manipulative dysfunctional perceptions can be articulated... those who embrace such obvious compromise as abortion are in search of true religion, and further educational and positive changes are observed and forgiven when true religion is experienced and understood... but the word compromise is a weird word that has different meanings to different people... compromise is also observed in tribalism, and clans that makes excuses for the actions and behaviors and doing things the way that always do things, where dysfunction is observed and protected and sometimes even celebrated... sometimes the things that we celebrate and/or the way that we celebrate certain things reveal 'compromise' or 'dysfunction', but dysfunction and compromise are forgiven when realized and understood and true religion is obvious in positive change and things called the ten commandments balanced in respects to fruits of the spirit... the compromise of clans or tribes or groups of affiliated folks are evident when obvious and conscious decisions of good and bad are simply replaced with making excuses for obvious moral 'misunderstandings', and then protecting our own at any cost... it seems that proper religion at it's core is discerned and embraced by those who put away foolish and nonsensical compromises and choose the path of transparency and knowing and doing good instead of bad, it seems that some compromises are easier to discern than others but the words and teachings and example of Jesus of Nazareth is a model and template worthy of discerning compromise from lack of education, and lack of education versus good and evil, and where free-will exists in an over complicated yet simple world, a simple world that over-complicates distinctions between good and evil, or right and wrong, or whatever words you choose to describe such simple differences, in a world that finds political-correctness an easier and more preferred alternative to ten commandments and fruits of the spirit and separation of church and state in a state that wishes to minimize 'religion' and it's importance, while embracing laws which advocate for the destruction of the most defenseless lives... abortion is a compromise of life versus death and is forgiven when the education of proper religion is embraced, otherwise it's like all other compromises, decisions that push us further from the way and the truth and the light... are there compromises that you make excuses for, are there personal dysfunctions that you make excuses for, are there actions and behaviors that you are making excuses for... if you can't even explain them to yourself and be honest with yourself about it/them then how would you possibly explain them to the giver of life itself... well hopefully you won't have to, but i am aware of a religion that understands the imperfections of humans and the compromises that we make and then offers forgiveness of regretful actions and behaviors and understandings and introduces a template for a better way of life, a life that values redemption and other humans too, i am aware of a religious sort of thing that values your life despite the compromises that you've made whether they be in ignorance or on purpose, the words of a father that cares for his children are found within the words and actions and historical documentation of Yeshua, so he's sort of a good template to look to when discerning right from wrong, his words and the words of the prophets that expected him are a good template combined with simple things like ten commandments and fruits of the spirit... please don't take my unprofessional words and opinions for granted though, do a bit of research yourself as these are important matters to consider and maybe even embrace. -- ct
08-14-21: good morning and happy saturday too you. i noticed that some good insight and good preaching went on around the house this week, there was some great communication happening around here, where old imparts to young and young imparts to old... some older folks never grasp the importance of how young can teach the old... i'm blessed to be stuck in the middle of wise and perceptive peoples, i love me some smart peoples that are both humble and insightful... there is a bibley sort of verse that speaks to the concept above... 'out of the mouths of babes' or it includes something along those words. i think one of the most important words of wisdom that was shared over the past week was simple and truth and should be shared with you too, the important reader... 'you are far more capable than you understand and give yourself credit for' i think were the exact words, when a person subjects themselves to only what they have learned so far, and only what they understand about the world and our puny place in it, then folks can easily stagnate and lack confidence and motivation to explore and move and try and smash out of our own little world that we keep ourselves bounded to... do you lack motivation and confidence... well don't ask me for any great insight or formula or easy way to get past your situation... but you are more capable than you give yourself credit for, and that's a good place to start with... it's also a solid concept and truth that military type of boot camp teaches it's participants, they don't just brainwash folks into being lean mean fighting machines as john candy once stated... if that were the case there would be no need for USMJ, because they would just be a bunch train killers that only know how to kill... but a military person must be capable of discerning the orders of imperfect leaders between 'orders' and 'lawful orders/directives'... folks in the military are more confident than some others because they smashed through their pre-conceived limitations through the guidance of people who taught them that they are more capable than they have given themselves credit for... the young person with minimal confidence will someday learn how much more capable they are than that which they have learned thusfar... you too... i write for many reasons, and one of them is to motivate you, the important reader... i don't posses an ego that requires lot's of followers or readers, i'm perfectly fine just writing to you and you alone... and so i say it again, you are more capable than you give yourself credit for and more capable than others have given you credit for... you can sit on your ass and keep doing the same things all of the time if that's what your tiny ego requires, or you can make efforts to change... there are lot's of things that motivate people to change... for me it takes things that some people call 'epiphany' or life-changing moments, and in my case it's been surviving different sorts of trauma's and surviving multiple events where i should have died... for me it took something like religion, or understanding religion differently than i understood it before to understand that my life is not my own, that it is sustained by natural means and a real god that wanted me alive a bit longer then death had called for... religion, or in my case simple old generic christianity and the god of the bible taught me that i am more capable and more important than i ever gave myself credit for... some folks thought that i was pretty capable, drill sergeants proved that to me, others recognized it at one time or another too perhaps, but for me it took the god of the bible to actually show me through it's words written in simple words... and for me there has been a life long struggle to embrace the humble yet capable person that the god of the bible has taught me that i am, balanced with what the world would suggest that i ought to be and remaining trapped within the boundaries of that which a small child with no confidence embraces and has 'learned'... i don't know what it really takes to help others realize their potential and to learn more to embrace it while helping others along the way, i'm trying to learn that myself, mentorship seems to be a big part of solving that mystery... where are the mentors that won't exploit the frailty and ignorance of the simple child, where are the mentors that teach with a humble and pure heart... i've had the pleasure of meeting some, and even being instructed by some, and even being one here and there, but unfortunately humans are flawed from birth and we all show our flaws from time to time, i've felt let down by some awesome yet flawed teachers and mentors over the years, yet they all provided some level of education that maybe a simple guy like me required... i am unqualified academically/educationally speaking to try to teach or help anyone with anything other tying some shoes maybe, yet i have no certifications that prove that i can teach how to tie shoes and i also appreciate the slip-on versions as well, but mentors are required throughout most folks life, and more important at younger ages maybe than older ages... but the old can instruct the young, and the young can speak to the old, and the older the young get we might learn that we are all really just learning from each other everyday... and i am one of those religousy types that believes that there is a god that requires our attention and that we require the attention and instructions from the written words of the bible and the words that are spoken through those in our lives and around us, and discerning which words are truth and which words are not truth may or may not keep us bound to ignorance, or being humble and capable and helpful. -- ct
08-07-21 laterer: i'm trying to figure out what healthy changes that i can make in my life, not just regular things like nutritional and hydrational intake choices and improving sleep quality, but other things that can also effect emotional health too, well first i should state that i am also trying to improve other aspects of life such as emotional health, and then i could state that religion is also mixed into things as well, as well as better nutritional and hydrational intake choices and improving sleep quality which are also things that can also be important for better physical and emotional health too, sort of... right... and so then let me back up to the beginning again and say that i am trying to figure out what healthy changes that i can make in my life to yield better outcome than what i've become... and so some of the things that i do the a lot of now is to read and to write, and some of that is to learn by history and to be aware of current relevancy and self-edification and to share what i've learned, but you mix those time consuming activities in with regular things like living the regular lives that we find ourselves in, and so i have to find a balance of input-consumption-output versus daily regular life and then wonder what other distractions stand in between of a more healthy lifestyle and healthy change, i wonder how much of what things that i spend time on are really distracting things that distract me from being more relevant to the people around me that i love and love me the most, and then when you consider or ponder the value of the people that are most important to us, and then also consider or ponder the value of others that we appreciate or surround ourselves with or choose to surround ourselves with, when i consider that the god of my religious preference teaches that only one other person that ever walked the face of the earth is more than my equal, and so everyone else on the face of this earth is just as significant or insignificant as everyone else... when i consider such thoughts of equality and lack of inequality i wonder how much time is sufficient for distractions and how much time is significant to people and how much time is significant for priorities like those that we love and the god which i love... when i try to make more healthy lifestyle changes and to get away from unhealthy routines, i wonder where balance in all things becomes relevant to me and a healthy lifestyle ensues, i wonder where better changes in my life will yield a better outcome than me and what i've become... and most days i have more questions than answers about too many things that are really important and other things that might just be distractions from the things that are really important... i require balance and peace and sometimes i even make appropriate choices to achieve one, or the other... or both... time will tell which priorities are really priorities and time will tell which distractions are mere distractions and time will tell if changes that i've made were healthy changes or unhealthy changes... time tells us lot's of things, and the god of my religious preference is unbound by time, and so sometimes i ponder where the balance of useful time and priorities smashes into things like continued education and are useful or even appropriate, or if 'under the sun it is all vanity of vanities'... where is balance for the weary soul, and what are real priorities, and what is chasing after folly of follies... those are simple things that a simple guy considers from time to time... but time tells us lots of things eventually... hey, You... do you know what time it is? ... well i ask because sometimes we loose track of time, and especially when we are distracted by things that are NOT very important. -- ct
08-04-21:  any chance there are any readers that are aware of any sort of 'spiritual' type of 'awakening' sort of thing that might be going on lately in parts of the world.  i suppose that maybe i'm a bit lazy to research really, but just curious if something like covid that seems somehow used for harm might actually also be working for good somehow, just curious... multiple things were triggered inside me around august of 2020 and then something more healthy on a religousy thing seemed to come about maybe in february or march maybe of 2021, just curious if anyone even looks at this page, and if so, do they know of anything in a larger geographic other than myself that has been noticing any sort healthier religious types of stuff... just curious.  --  ct
08-03-21: besides the fact that weddings are a lawful and sometimes spiritual joining of mostly just two humans, well one of the other things that i love about them is the 'follow-ups', the follow ups are what my simple brain is trying to label any actions or reactions to the event or the people involved... so like continued conversation, like when you meet someone for the first time, or when you see someone that you hadn't seen in ages... when you realize that you miss someone and then the very act of follow up conversation is mutually beneficial, also like when you realize that you love someone and maybe had forgotten why, it's easy to take relatives for granted because we are 'stuck with them', but then you sort of 'fall back in love' with loved one's all over again and sort of rekindled old but new relationships... i love weddings, but the ensuing celebrations with loud music and flashy lights and lots of moving people make my simple brain wanting to explode, it's a nasty sort of affliction, if i am not engaging with the folks around me i am distracted by the audio-visual experience to an alarming degree... and that's just no good for my simple little mind.... and speaking of my simple little mind, as i'm writing i have discovered that the letter 'm' key is misbehaving today, and im wondering if i smooshed this laptop a bit too much during yesterday's travel... dumm em key, what do you mock me, why do you hate me today... and now i'm suddenly distracted by continuing sounds of emergency vehicles so early in the morning... like a bunch of them... a capable guy that understands things that encompass the word 'emergency' wants to go assist and make myself useful... Wait, do know that some morons actually don't appreciate emergency services at all, well maybe they sort of do but many morons think that police have nothing to do with emergencies, they think emergencies are only for folks that are skilled at extinguishing fires, and other folks who are more skilled at providing a degree of medical attention, but then some folks actually think that law enforcement officers and the services that they provide to communities have nothing to do with emergency services... bunch of big fvcking dummies... anyways, i trust that the fire trucks and police cars and a bunch of other vehicles that passed my house are well equipped to handle the situation that they have encountered by now, i just offer prayer support for them because i am of the praying type of person and understand that it can also be useful in emergencies, and that emergency personnel are regular people that can use whatever kind of useful help that they can get sometimes... OK now!!!... frickin letter 'm' key on the keyboard is kicking my hinnie, perhaps there is a new keyboard in my future, another distracting obstacle...
... so anyways, the busy weekend ended at bedtie last night and so this tuesday mmorning is like a start of a new week in sommme respects, and today offers different but more challenges and chores and responsibilities and chipping away at lists of things to do... but the people that are the closest to me are my primary responsibilities today and most other days... today offers challenges to do what i gotta do and love the folks around me with education, support, actions and deeds... somedays i'm good with that type challenge and other days seem to be filled with too many distractions... finding the time for my god and to write, well those are challenges in themselves somedays, and somedays more challenging than others... time will tell what sorts of challenges that we will all encounter, plans and routines aside, there is always the option of the 'unknown variable', the unknown variable or thing that we just weren't expecting (like emergency situations), those unknown variables can be pleasant surprises or challenging obstacles, and somewhere mooshed into unknown variables and the way that we react to foreign stimuli are indicative of prior experience/education and sometimes even the way that we understand the god of our religious preference, Jesus lived the life example that he spoke of, so sometimes that little saying 'what would jesus do' speaks to me, but mostly just loving people they way that they need your love is the simplest form of the type of 'worship' that my simple little brain knows how to worship the lord/god of my religious preference... i am a simple man that requires simplicity to function... time will tell if today is going to be a simple day, or if it will be full of busy distractions... today will be good no matter what. -- ct
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