... this is just the latest page under this section, i don't write a bunch under this section though, i'm not a religious pro, so please judge every word with appropriate discernment... cheers -- ct

07-25-22: this should probably be under the religious section (i started it under politics because it's a current event involving a political figure), but praying for the guy that confronted lee zeldin, the guy thought zeldin was an instigator that was disrespecting veterans... he was impaired with alcohol--and who know's what else--and displayed actions that revealed his inability to discern and/or control his actions which effected the health/well-being of someone else and himself as well... it displays a lack of understanding of the golden rule, which is usually at the heart of most conflicts, but so is being impaired and not discerning reality correctly... OK, this should be under the religious section, except that this particular country and government were founded on the same principles of understanding/exercising the 'love your neighbor as yourself', you know the 'treat others as you would want them to treat you' golden-rule thing that liberals and progressives don't want to be represented or taught in public/government schools... if i want to treat the guy as i would want to be treated i would pray for him to seek the best possible help as quickly as possible, that he comes back to a better balance without harming himself or others any more than he already has, and that he would come to a better understanding of himself, and his creator, and to establish or re-establish a relationship with God, i would highly recommend doing that through the Christian teachings/doctrines, but most major religions teach peace and balance and living in reality, but the Jesus example and teachings seem the most logical, expect it to be painful at times, but logical and sustainable at it's core...

... considering the man's actions, i want to say that i love a good warrior that's ready to stand up against those who are actually victimizing others, but the inability to discern an actual threat is generally a cognitive impairment of some sorts, and sometimes it's a lack of religious intelligence, and probably some other things too... praying for that guy that slow-mo attacked zeldin, and glad that he and the attacker are both OK, well mostly OK, i suppose. -- ct

07-24-22: i know some one, he's someone that i love and respect, and a guy that helped re-introduce me to Jesus in my mid-twenties... he sort of taught me how to pray too, that praying wasn't necessarily just reciting things that other folks said thousands of years ago, but it's an earnest transparent communication with God using your own thoughts/words/language... so it's basically like talking to God like i'm writing to you, easy enough right?  yes, in fact it's easier than i ever thought... i think 99-percent of the time that i pray i do so without words/language/sounds, God know's the very thought's that we think, using words is more of the benefit for others to hear our inner-most thoughts and desires--but that's just a side-note for the reader... one of the types of prayers that this guy had encouraged me to pray was more or less telling God that i don't want to stop doing something that i know was wrong, it's like identifying and confessing your sins--in my case, as is his--it was drinking too much alcohol on a regular basis... anyone worth learning anything 'religious' from will tell you that Christianity is about change, it's about knowing that we aren't perfect and never will be, that we all screw-up from time to time, and some of us more than others, it's also about knowing that Jesus The Messiah came to not only remind us of God's words/truths, but also as a living example of such important matters--there's more to it than that, but you just got a solid pillar from it... it's something like this, the selfish and wrong shit that we do is clumped together under a broad word 'sin', feel free to catch yourself up on the ten commandments as examples of wrong and right, the 'do not's' are glaring examples of sin, take notice of the do's and dont's in those simple religious concepts... Jesus didn't seem to practice sin, in fact he probably never did any of them, but he was certainly tempted like the rest of us, he recognized temptation when he was confronted with it, wasn't distracted and compulsive enough to give into moments of emotional turmoil... hold on... look, i'm not writing to preach Jesus this morning, i'm writing to remind an old friend that the alcohol consumption that he struggles with probably requires the same type of prayer that he taught me decades ago... prayer with your heart, and brutal honesty, a prayer like 'God i know that my actions are wrong, but i don't want to stop right now, please help me by giving me a desire to stop'... knowing that you're fvcking around and still playing games like a rebellious toddler is a tough shell to crack, but prayer helps, and 'no, I don't want to' is a toddler's reaction to behaving and it's a choice/decision that many people make everyday, but knowing that your actions/behavior don't measure-up to sustainable and Godly examples are the start to recovery and coming back to reality... alcohol won't/can't make the necessary lifestyle the changes that we really need to make/do... the anesthetic might help with a few minutes of 'happiness', but three minutes of 'calm and easy' quickly turns into hours of self-torture/masochism and living in a warped dimension... when sin directly impacts others (friends, family, customers, employees, the general public) and not just yourself then you have a much bigger problem than you discern... impairment directly/negatively effects discernment, as well as the lives of folks that think/assume that you are balanced and living in reality--instead of the strange trip that you are on... look, retardation only looks good on those who are born that way, not so much for those who are desperately trying to get there with routine overdoses of alcohol. -- ct

07-12-22: there was this faceybook meme/post/statement from another pissed-off person that was very unhappy with the supreme court's recent judgements, this one was in regards to the football coach that was fired for praying silently on the field after the games, and then the post was forwarded by several other people that apparently have no faith, or seem to be ashamed of their 'traditions', whatever the actual reasons that angry godless folks do what they do isn't mine to discern, but i responded with an equal and opposite statement of my own... i'll try to find it for reference, but i just wanted to touch on a term that isn't used very often with folks that i'm regularly exposed to, 'meta-religion'.  I've read different meanings/interpretations of the term from various folks, but here is my simple definition, it's the study of various world religions intended to find similar principles/themes which in turn tell a more full understanding of God our creator, Christopher Langan might have some thoughts/opinions that many folks don't appreciate, but to ignore or trivialize CTMU concepts is to your own demise, and possibly the demise of humanity... call him what you want, but i understand him to be a very smart person who spent decades evangelizing to other very smart people... anyways, meta-religion, say it with me, met-uh-re-lij-un... having a decent understanding of Christianity helps when reading ctmu theory, a true TOE.  --  ct

07-09-22:  just a few notes for some thoughts to explore, resolution between godless liberals who want to change the world, and religious folks that wish to do the same, literally knowledge of and application of treating your neighbor as yourself, but loving the lord your God with all of your heart/mind/soul can never be uncoupled from the golden rule, but 'change' and 'self-evolving' are non-religious words, 'repentance' and 'self-sacrifice' are some of the religious principles... first set of notes/thoughts... now back to watching a video.  --  ct

05-22-22 later: the abortion topic is the division of this election cycle, and will probably be the next causation for riots and people acting poorly in public with other people's property and money, at least that's my guess... you guys and gals can keep your abortion fight, i'm staying away from it for the moment... but to be fare and give the subject some attention i should simply state that i'm more or less the reason that most folks get abortions these days, i was an 'unplanned' pregnancy to two teenage parents, in most respects the advice given to my mother to consider aborting me was probably more based on 'logic' rather than it being a personal thing against me... i know some women, and were pretty close friends with some actually, that utilized some sort of logic/fear to end pregnancies, i don't think any more or less about those folks than i do anyone else for that matter, but i suppose that being the son of someone that decided that abortion wasn't right makes me a bit partial... i don't care for the practice, and i appreciate my mom all the more because she chose a very difficult path in life by not ending mine, she chose a life that would require some charitable, and government assistance, and a whole lot of assistance and some empathy from family/loved-ones as well... it took a village and a determined mother to 'raise' this idiot, but really, i think much of it was the will and persistence of a personal God that decided that even the 'least of these' (such as myself) might not be the mistake that we were assumed to be... thankful to my mom today, and that she chose life... i'm not trying to 'do church' today in my writing, just thinking of current events and how they might relate to my life, in my case i happen to be the number one reason why females get abortions in the USA, i'm an unplanned pregnancy to a couple of teenagers that got impulsive and impatient in their young relationship, that's just factual and nothing to dwell over for survival and sanity-sake... anyways, you folks go on with your abortion fight, i'm sitting out of it, for now, but i think the way that it works is that God forgives sins when they are acknowledged for what they are, but the habitual sinners with the frequent-flyer cards probably ought to consider getting the tubes tied and learning about sexually transmitted diseases and such, i don't know how these matters are supposed to be resolved in today's age and procedures and laws, maybe the second or third planned abortion ought to come with a complimentary sterilization, and another round of remedial education on sexually transmitted diseases... i'm filing this post under the 'religious' section even though i'm writing it more like a 'political' humanist post.  --  ct

04-17-22: happy Easter... it's going to be a weird one, my head/mind will be in many places thinking about other priorities and other people and other needs, i'll try to be present, but i don't know that my head/heart will all be there, so to speak... i don't think mom can even reach/hold the phone anymore, but i'll try never less... Laura's parents are getting up there in age too, they are older than mom, covid put a damper on visiting them too, it's been years since i've seen them last, maybe i'll bring some tools and see if i make make myself useful while we are there, they must have something broken... there is a car in new york that i might try to go buy, it's an old volvo wagon, nice price, lot's of regular 245 stuff already replaced but will need a bit of repair, we'll see how that all plays-out... anyways, happy Easter to you... if you are one of those folks who follows the person that died that one friday around sunset a couple of thousand years ago, then continue to follow Him, follow Him out of the cave, and into a new life... quit staying in your frickin grave mate, get out and use the life that He has given to you, don't be afraid to takes baby steps every day to learn more about creation, meaning, others around you and the environment that we seem to share... don't settle for staying in your fvcking cave, don't settle for complacent/neutral, don't settle for 'i learned everything that i need to know in grammar-school', keep your mind working on useful things, and keep your body moving and not sitting on the dirt floor of your cave, don't settle for letting people do everything for you--learn something new that will make you a bit more self-sufficient, don't settle for keeping your aching body immobile, stretch and move and even try to exercise that which God has given to you... don't settle for staying dead in your cave, today is a day about life, and resurrection, and getting out and living a little... follow Jesus out of the cave, and if you don't know enough to know why Jesus is important then simply ask Him what it is that you are missing... God Bless You. -- ct

03-31-22:  so i want to file this post under a 'peanut-butter and jelly sandwich philosophy' category, if there were such one... I'll explain the theory in a bit, but for now, my peanut-butter and jelly philosophy is this... is it ever really accurate to say that one 'needs a fudgsicle'... i know i tried that shit when i was a wee-lad, but does one ever 'need a tasty treat'... my answer... sometimes, it depends on available resources and how close to digestive failure you are... sort of... but i'm trying to justify eating a frozen treat that i really don't require, at the moment... so i dig deep and go for the peanut-butter and jelly philosophy *... do i REALLY NEED one of those delicious things... technically speaking 'NO', do i sort of want one 'YES'... am i going to end-up eating one... so far 'NO' but the night is still young, it's only 20:52... OK, i won't eat the treat, i have a bit of winter-insulation to shed still... so 'NO', i won't eat the frozen chocolatey treat, even though i try to justify it... good talk then, glad we worked this not-so serious/serious debacle, and that it's over and settled ;-)

* peanut-butter and jelly philosophy is derived from watching the movie the 'Peaceful Warrior', here were my initial notes from that particular scene… 'your training can move to a new arena, an arena where you find your answers from within, that old Plymouth, sit on it, until you have something of value to tell me, I don’t hear from you until you have an insight worth sharing, and he walks away to leave Dan sitting on the car… Dan comes back with some good philosophy, even some deep peanut-butter and jelly fortune-cookie stuff'… so my comment was in regards to Dan's ankle-deep contribution to humanity when he stated that 'first you apply the peanut-butter on one slice of bread, then wipe-off the utensil on the other slice of bread, then you apply the jelly' ... so you know, peanut-butter and jelly philosophy, right... right.  --  ct

03-30-22:  just thinking a bit about 'religion', and why so many people fvcking HATE it... i think some of the displeasure has to do with rituals and customs and traditions, the stories that those sorts of things tell us are usually smart, but they are old-school, and seem boring and uninteresting and even embarrassing to watch and take-place in, the traditions and customs and rituals can be beautiful to watch, or just downright silly... but i don't think that's where the HATE comes from regarding 'religion', nope, but much of the world's religions have sort of a 'common-sense', duh, of course, no shit-ness to them, take for instance 'mutual respect', different religions place different value on human life, and the religions that have an appreciation for life/human-life, well those guys/gals all sort of pass down generational messages of mutual respect, that's an easy one, a no-brainer sort of religious commonality, some of those guys really get pretty weird about how much we should honr/worship/revere certain figures/leaders etc., but mutual respect and some common appreciation for one another is a bit of an overlapping theme, but the beauty of mutual respect is that even nonreligiousy folks understand the common-senseness of it, in fact, so do inmates, some of those folks never had to show much respect to anyone until they ended up in a place where respect is not only appreciated, it's 'enforced', some times with ferocity... and the word 'enforce is a good segway to the 'hate' part... i think most of the hatred for 'religious folks' is that most religions that are worth a crap don't just have nicey-nicey lovey-lovey mutual appreciation of one another, but they have the thing that many people hate, the don'ts, the 'thou shalt nots', they 'don't be fvcking stupid lad' sorts of rules, some folks hate being told not to do something, 'don't you tell me not to do that', or the 'you're not my ma-ma', or 'who made you the boss', or 'this is a free country so i can do whatever i want to, whenever i want to, and to whom ever i care to victimize while doing so'... some people are just assholes the way they tell people not to do certain things, or why they shouldn't be doing certain things, but many rules make sense if we aren't drifting too far from reality, if we have some situational awareness and offer mutual respect to one another and want to continue to grow and mature and evolve, and are interested in learning new and interesting things then we probably appreciate most rules, but free-will comes with great responsibilities, like self-control, so mutual respect is just a no-brainer, it's sustainable, sometimes folks that can't seem to understand those simple things, well, some of them are dispatched, that means getting killed, that means that it's not sustainable, if it's not sustainable then it doesn't make sense and requires change... more parents would do well to practice sustainability lessons so their children won't have to be dispatched like a rabid-critter... but some folks hate religion so bad that they don't want schools to offer common sense lessons like 'do not steal', or how about the one that goes 'do not murder'... i don't remember them all, but religion comes with some good do's and dont's, and some folks really fvcking hate the dont's, i dunno, i'm not a religiousy smart person or professional, but that's my take on religious hatred.  --  ct

03-10-22: i haven't read/researched the writers of the movie 'Peaceful Warrior', or their philosophies, but i watched the movie on a recommendation, and thought there was enough baby in the bathwater to write a little about it, i'm also using the opportunity to learn how to communicate stories through media, so i wrote some commentary along with some quotes and descriptions, so i don't have much to write in this part of the blog, but here is a link to my notes... all in all i like the flic, there was some good wisdom and the theatrics were pretty good too, i rented it for three ninety-nine on bezos-land, they let you access it for two full days so i was able to watch it more than once, i might watch it one more time to focus more on scene opening and transition and some other related things, i'm trying to learn from the ways that the story-tellers told their stories --  ct

03-16-22 laterer: so i read a couple-two-three things in the past few-two-or-three days and i think they combine to suggest something like: we are all products of the environments/input that we consume/exposed to (to some degree), and the way that we filter it through our genetic/physiologic/endocrine/ecosystem's best abilities, and that to some degree or another we have tendencies to parrot/repeat/test/evolve using our most familiar words/language/actions/reactions, and have tendencies to react to foreign/unfamiliar/new stimuli and experiences with equal and opposite reactions/force unless we find mutual/common trust/appreciation based on respect/trust/understanding and proper discernment of right and wrong and threats versus regular normal folks... i don't know, i'm trying to moosh together and contenmplate/compute/filter a few memes that i've seen and read recently, and part of me thinks that's about what life/god/reality/people have been showing/telling/communicating to me... does any of that sound about right to you... i don't know, i think i've been conditioned to sum up life/events/experiences that will fit on a campaign button/slogan/sign/t-shirt, so sometime memes can speak to different people in different ways, but i think that's about what i've read just recently in the past couple two or three days there-abouts... i've asked, and always ask for new perspectives and growth over time, our own personal survival/evolution requires as much, and so i expect answers in return... and if we cower and refuse resistance/challenge, therefore, 'evolve' and learn to sustain life in our environments then we whither and die... so OK, fine... i've been challenged to express a bit more perspectives on some more constructive and sustainable matters regarding each other and humanity... and so maybe a few two or three memes and some recent conversation is helping to recognize a couple two or three things that might be constructive... but maybe i just don't know how to really articulate such things, i'm just a simple man that's learning to evolve and become a bit more like the template of a man named Jesus, he sort of set the bar and simply tried to explain the creator/God in words and deeds and based on the culture/people that He was supposed to communicate to, and in the language and customs and traditions that those folks were most accustomed to... that guy really rubbed some hypocritical leaders the wrong way, but He greatly inspired folks that came into contact with him, and many future generations that interpreted him correctly, folks that chose to follow customary/traditional/comfortable actions/behaviors/lifestyles/thinking could not interpret/understand/consider/contemplate his words and actions and template and gift, and so maybe it's hard for people to change/evolve/grow/mature/live if we don't consider simple things like mutual respect and the reasoning and logic and ability to regulate/adapt to an ever-changing life/environment... so fine, little stubborn me wants to just keep reacting with an equal and opposite force to the people and environment which i have to discern which is a friendly normal person or a hostile predator... maybe that's my interpretation and anti-thesis/apologetics to some recent meme exposure and the wisdom on an unsuspecting source today... so if i should try to be more productive and useful to humanity then maybe i should make mention of such useful interpretations of fortune-cookie meme sort of things lately from the past couple of days, and so maybe that's what i've felt challenged to communicate/express/regurgitate, because in some respects i'm simply a product of my environment and discernment of reality, i think i read that part too... anyways, i'm not a professional or credentialed anything so i invite the reader to research such memes and even religious principles on your own, with your own noggin and energy, to ignore such advice may equate to devastating consequences, possibly, maybe, probably... if you want me to be more useful with more utility and to express and communicate certain important matters then all i know about how to do is to mention some nuggets of useful information based on the filter of simple religious principles... anyways, don't take my words for it, research such important matters on your own, to simply let others just tell you everything is to your own demise, eventually we all must exercise intelligence and reality, or die... now i want some awesome Asian cuisine that's sure to come with a tasty treat stuffed with some more things and considerations to contemplate, or throw away/recycle/burn... i've been challenged to write with a bit more value to humanity as a whole, and not just folks on my team in my village, and so fine, i've tried to do as much... now leave me to be because i'm a bit grumpy that i was challenged... but i'll try to do a bit more of that in the future, but i've been reacting to my interpretation of my environment and reality with an equal and opposite force through the expression of simple and crude wording and language, and i don't really like what i've been seeing, humanity smells a lot like dung right about now and i'm not very happy about it... but i'll try to be a bit more useful in concepts that i communicate in the future, but right now i'm still grumpy and a bit sore and upset... i'm not the best guy to take religious advice from, sometimes, many times, a whole bunch of times i'm not the best example of the template that i aim for, but in some respects i'm the exact reason that humanity required a messiah... anyhow, explore religious matters on your own, they are important. -- ct

03-15-22: this post is moving over to the political 'non-partisan' section when it's about done... but this post offers some logical insight, and might help to clarify and set some faulty assumptions straight... i gotta level with you, i write pretty harshly and directly and occasionally ignorantly as well :-), but with that said, i don't really feel a need to explain my writing style or perspectives as harsh or as gentle as some folks may interpret it/them... but today is different... today i want to take a little time to explain a bit more about me, or maybe you'd prefer to call it 'explaining myself', or maybe it's just a temporary olive branch of sorts, or maybe i'm just taking-up some time just making some more noise in an already noisy world... anyhow, yesterday was a day that wasn't much different than most yesterdays typically go, it was just a 'normal monday' with normal monday routines... kids are off to school and work, and one is away, and the wife is currently working in her gifting at a local daycare at a big non-profit, but i'm a bit different in that most if not all of my routines have changed since the early days/onset of covid spread into the USA (you could call me 're-set'), i could go on to expand on some reasons as to why i have new routines now, but i'm adapting to a changing world, evolving in some respects, i certainly wasn't living a sustainable lifestyle with a sustainable job just prior to covid, so i was rocked and shaken like many other folks, and now i seem to have new routines with different and variable employment and making several other lifestyle changes (yep, i was re-set alright), but that's not the point of this post, this post is just explaining that part of my 'new routines' includes regular types of household chores and family priorities/responsibilities, and a bunch of reading and writing and even a bit of thinking in between all of that, i'm not much of a writer in any proper sense, and i'm not terribly interested in trying to write all proper-right anytime soon either, sometimes i do for certain projects/endeavors, but otherwise i'm just simple and plain-spoken and find it easier to express myself and communicate in my most natural and imperfect and improper language and wording and writing style that i have at my immediate disposal, but i'm learning to hone my new-found hobby/job/journaling/anaylizing some of the world from my perspective, i think that's all that a diary or journal or blog or communication really is (to one degree or another), but i'm writing enough to challenge myself to learn how to express and articulate my perception of the simple world around me based on the information that i consume and process, and then my out-put (words/shit/logic, you be the judge) is applied with an equal but opposite reaction/force to much of today's public communication... i suppose you could say that i write as a bit of antithesis/ballast to some of the communication/words/actions/deeds/behaviors of many of today's influencers and those who they influence... i don't much care for the words and actions of many professional politicians on both sides of the primary clubs, or some of their closely networked associates, it ought to be obvious to any previous reader as to which ideology and political institutions that i most closely align/identify with... it ought to be obvious because i'm always right ;-) ... i invite the reader to tell me otherwise and help me to grow and learn, just please formulate your ideas beyond a meme or fortune-cookie or campaign slogan or a re-post, please use your creativity and most natural vocabulary to persuade me if you don't care for my perspectives and opinions, most professional smart folks can formulate their criticisms and cases far better than you and i can, and they do, but i encourage the reader to persuade me with a bit more than an emotional reaction but to the best of your ability in your most comfortable writing language and style, you don't have to be fancy or as simple as me, just simply articulate/express yourself based on the information that you have consumed to tell me why i'm as much of an ass as i present myself sometimes, i write a bit harshly but i don't really bite unless you become an obvious threat... i promise... i'm more of sheep dog and less of a predator than some of my words might suggest, some readers know that and others don't, and i have thick-skin (usually), so i take your reasoning and push-back with a grain of salt and trust that you will help me face my ignorance so i can grow and learn like we are all expected to do in our lives... i have the task/responsibility to protect an immediate family, protection is part of a parent's job, some parents understand that, others clearly don't, it's not the only responsibility, but it's a primary one for parents... i also served in full-time military for one-point-three enlistments a bunch of years back (enlistment + stop-loss nine months for ODS and brief deployment), so the protector/sheepdog facet of my former employment has carried over to current responsibilities as far as parental requirements are concerned, the sheepdog mentality (in my own terms/words) goes something like this 'i am willing to protect others that might be too distracted or less capable of protecting themselves', it might be something like that, it's sort of like knowing about and having direct experience with some nasty deviant predators and being willing to protect some other normal people with the use of violence if/when necessary, and with enough violence to subdue or dispatch such critters as dictated/required by their deviant actions/behaviors, that's a bit of a difference from being a predator that operates on different instincts and lack of morality and self-control and can't help themselves from harming others, some people call the difference between sheepdogs and predators 'sanity', other people try to blur the line based on their motives/deception-methods/excuses... why do i mention that, because having a bit of a sheepdog instinct in combination with much of media/news/information that i've been consuming combined with an exertion of equal but opposite force all equate to much of the reasons as to 'why' i write 'what' i write and 'when' i write it, most of the words and actions that i detest is what some folks consider to be an 'art' or 'practice' of 'deception', i really have little respect for folks that knowingly deceive for a living, some people knowingly deceive others far more than just a cute or loving joke or cool trick, and then they hopefully regret it at some point as quickly as possible after blatant deception, but some folks do it for a living and it's pretty detestable as far as i'm concerned... the resulting emotional and persuasive reactions from many other people are sometimes an indicator as to the motivations and goals of predatory communicators, sometimes the truth hurts and you get strong reactions from some folks, but other times it's deception that gets strong reactions based on it's intended manipulation, some people know how to screw with the heads of other people and apply their knowledge to manipulate different people with proven and trusted efficacy/science, and psycho head-fvckery, and folks that practice that sort of thing really bug me to a big extent, i don't mind professional news or media folks that try their best to report facts in most truthful words without using emotional-triggering, and i don't mind folks with the audacity to think that they are capable of fairly representing a constituency and do so with integrity and conviction and logic as decent and useful policy-makers, but i have little respect for professional social-fraternity members that use government for parasitic manipulation and benefit, those folks bug me to no end sometimes... so i said all of that to make the case for why i direct much of my writing toward pointing out the manipulation and exploitation of many public communicators and 'influencers'... i lead with the above statements to simply try to explain something to the reader, something that might not be very obvious based on my writing style and content, there is a distinction that i hope to express to the reader, and that is based on some news that i got today... the news that i heard today was that of a death, the death of a man that i met on a few occasions, it turns-out that he lived not too far from me, he lived on the bend of the road... i heard that he passed-away last week and it just sort of surprised me to hear that... because death is not something that i take lightly or insignificantly, but with mass deaths in viruses and other wars and then the news of death hitting closer to home has got my thinking about the gift of life, and everyone's eventual death... i appreciate life, and i know that death is the only other natural guarantee if we think entirely on the physical/biological sense, life and death are as real as it get's, but i consider life to be a gift/endowment from our creator, not just a natural reaction/consequence of biological male/female intercourse... there are plenty of folks on the opposite side of the political aisle of Big Tony and i, many of them view life differently than i do, some of them believe in some type of God/Creator, others miss that aspect of reality completely, many consider creation as something to not just be appreciated and respected, but worshiped... rather than directing their energy and thoughts and priority to learning about God's nature and possible expectations... some folks admire creation without ever considering the creator, if you appreciate creation without acknowledging/considering the creator then you already have a missing variable from your equation of life... some folks are so 'complicated' that they could fill a room-sized chalkboard with fancy math and symbols and letters and earn fancy degrees and celebration from their peers, and many of those folks don't realize that 1 + 2 = 3... they are so busy making over-complicated equations to 'solve problems' without understanding that they don't know what true problems really are, they don't realize that they are missing the simple math of considering God when experiencing and reacting to our life/environments... some folks do the same thing with human deviancy and dysfunctions, they go out of their way to come up with fancy equations and excuses as to why right is wrong and wrong is right, some folks view excuse-making for dysfunction and devolution a profession and art... look, i'm not just making a distinction between theology or ideology or lifestyle or decision-making, but something stirred my gut when i checked the facebook page of the recently deceased, i read the words 'i hate liberals'... so the goal/nature of my current post is to let the reader know that you can be just as dysfunctional and depraved as you want to, but i don't actually 'hate' you, i hate deception and deviant influencers and communicators that justify and spread and incite it and other hurtful time-wasting words, some professional communicators and influencers have passed their 'usefulness dates' and could really use a time-out for some serious reflection... that's all i'm sort of complaining about, i guess... but i don't hate liberals or progressives or democrats or other folks that i disagree with, sometimes i might sort of for a second or two before i calm my ass down and collect my thoughts and sanity, but really, well, i really don't care for the inciters and deceivers and folks that use their intellect and gifts and talents for habitual deception, they come from all political affiliations, deviancy exists closer to home than most of us care to admit... but look, many liberals and progressives are aspiring or actual paradoxes between 'hippie freedom peace and love' and 'we need a totalitarianism government to guide us through life', and i know and love many liberals and progressives and democrats and i don't mind mentioning that fact from time to time and challenging them a bit here and there, you know, tough-love and helping each other remain grounded and such, i don't mind adding some conservative ballast to the progressive conversation from time to time... but i don't hate folks that label themselves or identify with the democrat network or liberalism or progressiveness, i think i sort of push-back with an equal and opposite force as i get a litmus on policy and political contributors and commentators and other communicators and influencers and professional smart people, but i certainly don't hate the folks that i disagree with... look, i could certainly read into some of the power and political posturing in recent history and was frustrated beyond belief by some of it, and i don't really like what i've been hearing/seeing/reading, political stuff may seem less frequent because folks aren't advertising for candidates and policies at the moment, but the banter and inciting language word-salad and manipulations are very active nonetheless, and the mid-term campaign spending spree and advertisements are right around the corner and the sh1t is getting deep... i'm still continuing to follow professional bull-shitters and policy-makers with interest and some passion, and will continue to write about them until the cows come home, so don't take this peace-offering or olive-branch sitting still if you don't care for my perspectives, but i certainly don't hate you, and i thought that it's important to make that distinction and clarification to the reader... the guy down the street that was on the same 'political team' as i happen to be on had some embedded hate going on, and that's not necessarily what's going on in my noggin and heart and soul, and i just wanted to make that clear to the reader... thanks for your time, and may God bless you, and may God bless America even if we don't necessarily deserve it... that last sentence was my state of the union in a nutshell, take it for what it's worth. -- ct

03-01-22:  i just read the following comment on line:

I don't know the author, and i don't think it's my place to comment directly to his post, but i have no problem commenting on it right here... the three keywords 'look inside myself' is a little bit subjective/ambiguous, but i look at from a spiritual/religiousy perspective (not endoscope), as well as some human-biology/science... i'm starting to appreciate C Langan's term 'self-simulation' a bit more now and not just scratching my head and chuckling at his theory (maybe 'law')... professionals from all sorts of backgrounds use 'simulators' to improve skills and learn more about their chosen job or interest, aircraft pilots have to practice for many hours on flight-simulators (virtual reality - games) to practice before they get cleared to pilot commercial or military aircraft... an example that is more relevant to me, i used to REALLY like golf, and in the cold winter months i enjoyed the simulators that let you swing your own clubs at your own preferred balls indoors, they would give me feedback about swing-speed, launch angle, squareness/plane of club-face, and approach angle during impact/inertia, approximate distance, etc.., and then some would even have video backstops where you could 'play' a round of golf on a fancy course where they had fake wind gusts, and hills/elevation are even added to the simulation... you have to consider 'anything' that we 'practice/repeat' when we consider the word 'simulation', practicing anything sport/athletic/competition related is a simulated 'game' or a portion of one, where we learn new ideas and skills and make improvements in efficiency/efficacy we simulate possible plays 'to improve our reactions' to the ball that's flying at us, how to stop/catch it, and what to do with it next -- pitchers and catchers 'practice' with each other for seemingly countless hours 'to improve' physical skills/technique and theory and communication... relationships are 'real-world' simulation, we 'practice' communication and usually get immediate 'feedback' through various emotions and facial-expressions and body-language and sometimes actual words too, some unfortunate feedback might be a slap in the face or a punch in the mouth, but we constantly get feedback from the actions and reactions from loved-ones and associates if we are actually engaged in communication, and we adjust/re-adjust our own thoughts and words and actions based on the feedback/response from those who we communicate with... if we are stubborn we may not 'self-adjust' at all, sometimes 'stubbornness' is brilliant/positive conviction, and many times stubbornness is like a 'malfunction' of sorts, like a bad 'computer program' that keeps getting 'stuck' or worse, some programs have minor flaws that can escalate the longer we use them, and some are so bad that they render us in what's called a 'loop', where the program/game just keeps doing the same limited thing over and over again, aka the movie 'ground hog day', certain continual loops have also been referred to as 'insanity' where people keep doing the same things over and over again expecting better results... if the person that we communicate with isn't receptive then maybe we try to communicate differently, we might use different words or examples/illustrations, if they are a loved-one then maybe we try to devote/prioritize giving the faulty/incomplete communication the time and focus and energy necessary to restore harmony / love / joy / peace / patience / kindness / goodness / faithfulness / gentleness / self-control and the kind of acceptance that we all appreciate through relationships, sometimes we display those qualities and behaviors, and other times we act-react as if none of those positive qualities are beneficial and logical at all... communication through thoughts words and actions result in 'feedback'... actions begin in thoughts/mind, they transition into either words or actions, and then we take note of the response that we receive from the person that is involved with our communication, as we communicate/observe/react we exercise 'intelligence'... much of what i just wrote speaks to self-simulation... but to 'look inside oneself' for feedback/progress/evolution then we should consider the biblical principle/scripture which states that humans are 'made in the image/likeness of God'... i don't claim to understand every aspect/detail or the fullness of that theory, i don't think God is sitting on a sofa like mine and typing away at a keyboard in some infinitesimal sized version of me (or you), but i can understand that principle has to do more with thinking / reasoning / intelligence, even emotions, creativity and more... we can look to many 'religions' of the world to get an idea of what an omnipotent and personal God is like, and what sorts of things that God likes and doesn't like, some religions REALLY get into some of that when you delve into their sacred texts... i chose to follow much of the texts and teachings that the Christian bible (both Old and New Testaments) tells us about the nature of God and his expectations... so if you take the time to read through the texts/books you will notice the morality that God has offered to humanity, and expects from creation... and if you spend a bit of time trying to 'get into God's head', and trying to 'view your thoughts - words - actions/reactions' through the filter of God's eyes then you can start to 'look inside myself', the problem with many folks is that sometimes we get a little ahead of ourselves, and start to think too highly of ourselves, and start to confuse our own thoughts/reasoning as superior to God's, and when we do that we start giving into selfish impulsive/instinctual thoughts - words - actions, and we forfeit one of the characteristics that christians hold dear 'humility', christians don't look at humility by assuming that we are worthless door-mats that don't really matter, but rather a mechanism and a characteristic to help us stay grounded knowing that we aren't perfect, and many of our opinions and perspectives aren't perfect, and that we can't get everything that we want when we want it... 'humilty' is of the reasons why many christians don't speak out against things that they know/think that are wrong, because of false sense/interpretation of humility and the desire for peace rather then aggression... many zealots used shallow interpretations/understanding of christianity as a cover to commit some atrocities for the sake of their royal, tribal, or governmental ruler's whims and desires, so claiming the religion doesn't automatically equate to perfection, and folks who regularly practice evil use the label of christian to appear to be a 'decent person'... there is another keyword that goes with christian doctrine, it's what we consider to be the complete opposite of humility, 'pride', not the pride that makes you feel accomlished for completing a task successfully

... gotta run, TBC...

02-25-22:  i suppose this might be the most appropriate spot on this blog to write about an observation/interpretation of an interview that Keith Woods conducted with Chris Langan... so Keith asks Chris to elaborate on certain details of Chris' TOE, aka CTMU... so, since my name is also Chris, i'm going to start referring Mr. Langan as 'Langan'... so back to the broader point -- call the man what you want, but you have to shut your ass up and listen to how he communicates and expresses his perceptions and observations, it's a bit heady depending on what subjects he uses to explain things... on another side note, i chose to pay attention to more social and material matter of interest rather then exploring any curiosities on sciences and math and structured information, consuming smart and rational people's information was never a priority of mine, i had much more to learn about more important things in life, but i was more interested and distracted by pursuing what Langan calls 'social-intelligence', and pursuing pleasures and experiences that suggests a lack of 'moral-intelligence', and pursuits that also demonstrated misunderstandings of most aspects that seem to be clumped-together under the concepts that Mazlow observed... paying too much attention to material society, and the lack of priorities that are displayed by rich and misguided people who can actually afford to live exuberant and egotistical lifestyles... i grew-up pretty poor for most of my childhood, and i was in middle-school, or maybe high-school when the 'material girl in a material world' was the hedonistic sort of influence, it made much of the poorer places in the world covet yet detest america when they saw how celebrity royalty spend their fortunes, some people fvcking hated america because of that, some people hear that america was some sort of 'christian based' nation, yet media insinuates that we all live like hedonistic celebrity while much of the world starves and dies and doesn't have the economic abilities and understanding how to change their situations... anyways, i was young and poor and misguided, and then watching/consuming commercial television and pop culture and other media seems to have contributed to a distraction/confusion of my priorities, and instead of thinking more about needs, and then when you have an awful lot of needs and some 'want's' met then maybe start thinking a bit more about the needs of others that might be missing something in life, or in resources, Jesus talked a bit about that simple principle... but the brilliantly advertised 'consumer goods' are cleverly marketed and mostly unnecessary things that most lower tax-bracket demographics have no need go out and purchase, combine brilliant advertising and marketing with promoting the indulgences of the rich and famous (influencers) leaves poor and misguided people in a virtual reality, instead of folks thinking more on the lines of basic things that people need to know about, and not just things like food, water, and shelter, but other important things like the simple little things that the 'ten commandments' teach as important values, those good old commandments are a good starting point, and then even narrow those things down to the two that were deemed to be most important by one of the most influential people to have ever walked the face of the earth... Love and Respect go a long way in life, loving others enough to earn their Respect (empathy) is where mutual respect becomes easy, rather than 'demanding/forcing' a compliance Respect with absence of Love... well look, 'love and respect' are simple models/pillars to consider as individuals , or in a family environment, and when you are a member of society... the words 'Love' and 'Respect' each have a volume to say themselves... in a perfect world maybe everyone would actually know what each of those two words mean, and choose to live a life that demonstrates those pillars of human evolution... oh, so back to the Keith and Langan interview once again... say what you want about Langan, much of what he has to say points to a very similar to the god of the old and new testament, he looks at other major religions as well and seems to find logical mutual consistencies, then he considers physics 'cause and effect' and uses that to illustrate many principles, and he considers philosophers/ies and applies the realistic ones as well, and he considers a bunch of other topics and fields of studies, and they all speak to specifics about the reality of god, he seems to always point folks back to god, and characteristics of this god... i haven't read all of the details about all of his perspectives and opinions of god and 'religion', but he is a smart man that wrote his first papers and essays to an audience of other smart people, many of which don't believe in any sort of god at all... so when i read his papers and listen to some of his essays i keep a couple of things in mind, he is a smart man that speaks a language of smart people, and his publishing's have tried to explain the reality/existence of a god to many folks that seem to be missing that simple understanding in their lives, sometimes missing one simple foundational thing can have a devastating domino effect on the way we perceive life, and the world around us... OK, so i'm only a third of the way through the interview, i'll write a bit more later.  --  ct

... one day later:  so i think Langan expresses biblical principles but without the actual full-text of scripture, i think what he does is teach some of the metaphors, and analogies, and parables within scripture, but he puts them in a different wrapper of sorts, he puts scriptural laws into the wrapper of factual science and technical terms... the interview was good, the first forty-five minutes explained some good solid ctmu fundamentals, Keith sounds like a pretty interesting guy too, i'll have to read a bit more about/from him.  --  ct

02-21-22: today i'm thinking about how a few stories and theories that sometimes merge together to tell a bigger story sometimes, or how additional insight can be helpful in understanding something better, more complete, or illogical, nonsensical, and fantastical... i'm thinking about some recent conversations, and then some recent things that i've read more recently, some of the things that i've read and listened to recently speak to some of C. Langan's theories, and his TOE, and how they expand on religiousy matters, and in this case i recall him discussing some facets of 'reality' using words and terms like self-simulation, sometimes he uses words like self-correction, and free-will, he talks about physics a bit too... and it seems that 'resistance' is something that has to do with many facets of our lives, and so when you consider some of those things together you might end-up with something that sounds like a what many christians call 'trials'... in some respects the christian theory that trials are sort of like 'life's hurddles', they are natural parts of the human life/death and human evolution/devolution cycles, where we meet various intensities and types of resistance/stressors and otherwise unfortunate and shitty circumstances... we hit new challenges, different and weird obstacles, we face emotionally difficult or painful experiences that we can't simply change on our own, our 'faith' and logic seems to be challenged, things don't add up and compute and make sense and there is no 'equals button' to simply resolve our equation and close the ends, we might literally be faced with death and we can't change things the ways that we want to change them, or the way we think things need to change to change the calculation to our favor, and don't forget the time constraints, we can't change things when we think things need to change, we can't control what we can't control with the time frame that we limit ourselves to, and the only logical factors/assets/resources/methodology that we consider in pushing back against such resistance and obstacles, in some respects we could say that the christian considers trials to be difficult times that everyone must face at some moments and seasons in our life, we can't avoid them, maybe we need a miracle to change the outcome of an unfavorable event, sometimes trials feel like a giant boot-kick to the groin, sometimes we find peace to where we just go with the flow, where we have embraced reality and certain situations as painful and unavoidable and then perspectives sometimes change too, sometimes a change in perspective is a result of a self-correcting personal evolution... sometimes a change of perspective requires another christian principle, one of humility, a component to humility requires people to assume that there is some actual intelligent and superior god... without making that assumption, or consideration, then we are our own god that lies to ourselves to say that we are never wrong, and don't require self-control/adjusting/correction/growing/maturing and evolving and learning and expanding our understanding for a more complete and fulfilling life, i don't know much about physics and vocabulary, but i think it goes something like this, in order for 'human expansion' to occur there is friction and resistance which must be met, without resistance we can't expand, we stay neutral, and contract and waste, we must face resistance in order to expand, otherwise this scrawny little skinny kid would have shriveled-up and died long ago, but i exercised my frail weakly skinny body with resistance and exercise and purposeful nutrition, and am much more healthy then when i was wee-one, so it seems... without trials and hope and humility there is little room for self-correction, little reason to consider self-correction, and certainly no reason to want to face resistance... with free-will comes great responsibility, if we can't self-correct and adjust then we end up in jail, or worse, because we didn't utilize our free-will wisely and responsibly, we loose certain freedoms and benefits and even life itself sometimes when we misuse free-will and get ahead of ourselves wanting to control our own destiny in the limited ways that we consider our problems 'should be' resolved, maybe we can control our own destiny, but we simply can't do that if we aren't evolving and self-correcting and adjusting, 'as if' we were our own perfect little gods, maybe we are made in god's likeness, but we can't compare our creative intelligence and resources to that of god's, we are inferior with more confines than god, so we must factor in humility when we approach trials and obstacles and hurdles, and when life get's a running start to thrust the boot into our reproductive organ area, we may not only just need a miracle, the miracle might start when considering if we are missing something in front of our own very nose, the thing in the mirror, sometimes trials begin externally but grow internally, sometimes problems are internal but spill over to the external, sometimes life is easier and more enjoyable than other times, sometimes it get's harder as we grow and mature, sometimes we expand and sometimes we contract, sometimes we are simply stuck in neutral and don't seem to consider that some of our perspectives and words and thoughts and behaviors and routines need to change, sometimes we realize we need glasses and we get some, sometimes we realize that some glands don't work correctly, and we need a bit of lithium or other elements/molecules/compounds for endocrinology-sake, or regulate sugar to some degree, sometimes we need to get better sleep, or more hydration, or better food to survive and regulate and live more meaningful and purposeful lives, some trials we may never comprehend the depth and the variables that are connected and involved to a world full of other free-willed humans and animals whirling around us... look, i'm not a professional anything, so don't take my words for it, but if anything above sounds interesting then i invite the reader to research some of these thoughts on your own... do your own research and prayer and see if god speaks to you somehow or another, it's my understanding that sometimes understanding something more fully and clearly can be god's way of speaking to you, but don't take my word for it, i'm a simple non-credentialed man that isn't a professional anything, but i still love you enough to write. -- ct

02-15-22: a worthy life-lesson to pass along to the reader today is simply this: 'we don't know what we don't know'... we may assume that we understand far more about certain things/matters based on how capable/competent we are with other things... sometimes we measure ourselves more highly than we ought to, and other times we lack confidence and concentration and curiosity to learn new things... but only a fool assumes that there is much that they still don't understand... never be foolish enough to think that you have all of the answers... to 'know-it-all' is to know nothing in the larger sense of reality... to fool oneself is the downfall of many a man and woman... so my tip of the day to the reader... understand that you don't know what you don't know, but there is an eternal god that will reveal what the humble and intelligent is willing to learn... a healthy perspective of reality is offered to the humble soul with an appetite to learn and evolve, over-confidence is to fool oneself and set ourselves up for failure, pain-lessons, future edification and eventually some better understanding... don't be a fool, grow and evolve.  -- ct

01-31-22: 

... so i ask someone to read Luke 7:36–7:50, they reply... look, if this about the hundred bucks you owe me don't worry about it... look, all you had to do was just say that you couldn't pay me back and not make me read part of the bible and shit, we both know that i'm quite rich

... then i ask someone else to read the same verses and they say, yeah man, i'm an ex-convict, i heard about God and Jesus and stuff when i was in the can... i've repented for my sins and chose a different path in life... look, i may be broke in the bank, but i'm the richest man alive

... and i ask someone else to read the same verses and they reply, i get it... i've been a decent and moral person pretty much my whole life, i've been following the teachings and actions of Jesus since i was a kid, but i've had to repent on occasion... i don't know what it's like to ignore God, or to be a late bloomer who was blind and finally sees, but i know that i'm blessed beyond words

... when your shit doesn't stink, and your brand management and image control is priority, then the parable means nothing to you... when you know you are fatally flawed and in desperate need of help/change, then the parable may have been written for you... when neither apply to you then you can keep doing what you are doing and appreciate Luke 5:30-32 ... for The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand. Repent, and believe in the words/actions/template of Jesus the Nazarene...  Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it, so read the parable in Luke seven again, and let me know if the words of Jesus speak to you this time...

... anyways, i'm not a professional religious person, but when you read the bible remember that it's full of stories, and many of those stories are examples, and some smarter folks than me call those stories metaphors and parables and other fancy words too... some of those stories are mysteries to some, and clear as day to others, but keep reading no matter how weird some of those stories are, typically speaking, those stories will eventually make much more sense, but don't read them just once and assume that they just don't make sense, or that you will never understand them... or to think that you totally 'get it' the first time around, they are all part of a bigger picture... all of those stories will blend together to tell you best story that's ever been told... what is 'the big picture', or the 'best story that's ever been told'... well, do some more reading and you tell me, i dunno, i'm not a professional anything... but it's my perspective that your past was never so bad that your sins can't be forgiven, and the sooner that you really do 'repent' and follow the teachings/words/actions/behaviors of the Nazarene that called himself Jesus then the faster you can start living the life that you have been called to live... you will never be perfect, and you may have to say 'sorry' a lot... but it's never too late, and the sooner you make the effort to live morally then the better... anyways, maybe read some of those verses listed above, chew on them a bit... you might be the richest person alive based on the debt that was relieved... i'm not a professional religiousy person, but there are two 'commandments' that sum-up most of the story, and it isn't too hard to find them... never stop reading and learning.  --  ct

12-12-21:  please pray for a guy named Nicholas (Nic), he is on the verge of a significant breakthrough in his life, but the enemy is desperately trying to pull him back into a type of hell... he professes Christ Jesus, but is having a terrible time with some fruits of the spirit, self-control seems to be the weakest, please pray for Nic... also please pray for a guy named Sam, there haven't been any updates on his whereabouts since we started praying for him... and lastly, please pray for a guy named Christopher (not me, a different one, but i appreciate prayer too), Chris has unique challenges which i can't clearly understand, but he seems weary in his journey in some respects... I have a friend named Stephen that could use some help in the self-control area as well, please pray for Steve too, he built-up a life and a lifestyle which present more responsibilities than a human could reasonably keep up with... anyways, thank you for your consideration, and exercising human-to-god intervention.  --  ct

12-01-21: if god is omnipresent, omnipotent, omni... well, whatever other 'omni's' that are characteristics of god, then we are literally consumed within, we exist within the creator... the one that much of humanity run's from or foolishly denies... our solar system could be but one atom within one neuron within the mind of the creator... where can a young man go to hide from your presence, how could a woman hide from your face, who can escape from your sight and your essence... whose simple and rebellious and depraved mind can deny your reality and fight against your goodness and perfection and supremacy... you have given me free will, but the heart to seek yours... you've given me eyes to see the world, but the desire to see it as you see it... you have given me legs to walk a long journey, yet your invisible hand guides me and carries me along the way... thinking of Psalm 119 today... keep me on path's of righteousness for your name's sake... keep me from following the distractions and noise of the world, and embrace your spirit and it's fruits, and your priorities in life... you have called me to be strong and courageous, give me the discernment to use and exercise the resources of your provisions, and keep my mind from spoiling that which you have given... help me to actualize more of the potential that you offered to me in life, and to use my mind for your plans and to your glory... thinking of Psalms today... thinking of God today... embracing life and free will and the love of a father today. -- ct

11-29-21: i'm not a professional religious person, in fact any one of them could tell you that in an instant, but as someone that had an introduction to the theory of God through the perspective of an American New England sub-burb of Boston and the local Catholic Church (in fact it was one which employed a convicted pedophile--as would later be revealed after he was investigated by his church and the typical legal system, it's also worth mentioning that 'father o'something-or-other had his hand on my leg for probably as long as he needed to fulfill that deviant part of his soul, and then out of god's mercy he was summoned upstairs by one of the other professional religious people that lived at the local 'rectory' where i was employed to answer telephones and take notes and be polite and helpful to folks that visited that office/residence, i'm pretty sure that he was under heavy suspicion and surveillance around that particular time, by his fellow employees and external government LE, so his brethren were keeping him on a short-leash you could say), i think i was in middle-school, but i'm stuck trying to determine the year in history, anyways... god spared me from one more possible trauma, that guy was a sociopath in every sense now that i start looking back at that event, a smart and smooth-as-a-serpent talking deviant predator had at least one of his hands on my quadriceps area for an extended period of time, until he was called upstairs to his residence by the other faculty... how creepy is that, i was subjected to--and even in the hands of a predator, and then delivered through intervention... like i said, creepy, i can use the term creepy simply as that--because it didn't progress beyond that encounter, but as far as fight/flight/freeze instincts were concerned, i was of the 'freeze, and never talk about it again' mindset, i felt sort of ashamed to have been naive enough to let him touch me when he asked, and vulnerable too, as i froze for a period that was long enough to be interpreted as fvcking creepy and wrong, but it was eye-opening that creep-azoids live among us, and prey on the vulnerable, i should say that i no longer had much to listen to what the catholic denomination had to teach after realizing that a predator existed within their pride, although i continued through many of the weekly routines and religious celebrations and rituals, and still tried to live a pretty decent life based on the ten commandments was concerned, although later i would determine that i broke everyone of those commandments, if not physically then in my heart/thoughts, and so goes the journey of spiritual awakening and growth and understanding the reality of spiritual battle... it's worth mentioning that i have since encountered a couple of solid catholic church services in florida several years later that i appreciated and was a bit impressed with in many respects, i have met folks that have been brought-up in the same religious environment, and they way they live their lives is testament to their true love to/of both god and man, there is no denying the fruits of the spirit when they are routine as some of my catholic friends and family members exhibit... so if we back up to the beginning, and then to say that my perception of how god and jesus sort of fit together was a bit warped and grossly-filtered would be an understatement, but as time moved forward i found myself on a better understanding of how jesus fit into the picture as far as god goes... i'm terrible late getting started on a project that i must tend to, but it goes something like this jesus=logos in the flesh, the messiah of the prophets... logos as in 'in the beginning there was the word (logos), and the word was god, and the word was with god', or something like that, i would have to look it up again, but i haven't contemplated the word 'logos' in years, i appreciate the ctmu for stimulating that 'word' back in my vocabulary and concept, 'language-based' theory, who-knew... i'll look-up and modify the scripture that i crudely recalled, i'll fix the wording later.  -- ct

11-23-21: reading, learning, contemplating, and praying regarding the subject of 'free-will', versus 'divine intervention/guidance'. it causes me to go back and consider the time in my life when i got 'more serious with god', call it what you want, but it was the beginning of repentance based on a 'newer' understanding of Jesus the Nazarene... i had a core belief that was understood since early childhood that there was/is an actual god, and that jesus had something to do with god, but it took a zillion variables in order to put more logic/understanding of the importance of jesus and god... it wasn't until an exceedingly memorable evening--back so many years ago--when i consumed some fungi containing psilocybin, to say that i was troubled and lacking an adequate human support system is an understatement. i spent 45 months active duty army (36 months contractual and 9 additional months stop-loss due to ODS). by the time i had returned to MA (the state of my birth) my body and mind were pretty fvcking beat-up (gimpy knees and right shoulder, constant back spasms, chronic tension and insomnia, panic attacks, numbness of emotions, allergies and asthma, isolation, and didn't want to talk about anything more than skin-deep with anyone) pretty much the poster-child for ptsd labeled symtoms. i worked a shitty retail sports type of job where i was an outsider due to my lack of pedigree and monetary value, but i loved playing tennis and a store manager that i still have great respect for offered me the first employment opportunity post-military, i had more or less resumed an unwanted 'care-taker' responsibility for a loved-one that i was living with--i had forgotten about the care-taker role and responsibility while i was away doing army things, and i was too unhealthy in my own head to help someone that required more help than i was able to offer. i was also encouraged/manipulated into beginning college before i was adequately prepared to do so (which turned-out to be disastrous for my academic dreams), but shame on me for being influenced by someone that by all means had zero qualifications to advise me on anything other than where to find a good sandwich... i could go on and on about that particular period of time, my early twenties, but you probably get the idea.  i didn't have much peace or security in my life at that point, i had improperly assumed that self-medicating with socially acceptable, and widely available alcohol--as well as illegal drugs would offer some sort of repair to my brokenness... i was a train-wreck waiting to happen... but that was sort of my state of being... my best friend who is as close to an actual brother as an only-child can comprehend was taking guitar lessons from someone (who also turned out to be a great friend and a good influence) that had conversations about jesus, and that a repentance to god was possible as i opened my heart/mind to jesus mission and willingness to change my perspectives and to begin living a life that was more in the template of the christ... well actually, i don't know what/how their conversations really went, but when my buddy began to explain this concept to me i thought he was a knucklehead that went off the deep-end... and then one fateful night, while under the influence of beer, magic-mushrooms, and probably some cannabis too, well the things that my buddy had been talking about sort of came to a pinnacle as i laid on a sofa in a dark room, and cried out to god to take me if he will, and to forgive my previous thoughts and actions and behaviors, and to make me more like the christ, because i was convinced/knew that jesus was the real-deal, he was the messiah that many ancient prophets had written about, and that he came to show the way the truth and the light... i could recall many of my faulty actions and did my best to communicate to god that i didn't know how to change my thoughts, or how to control my actions and behaviors, but that i knew that i required change... during that time--where i lay in quiet darkness--it seemed like god was sort of communicating back to me and recalling many times in my past where i should have died by accident, or on purpose, at my own hands or by other people's actions... it was as if god was showing me that he had been more in control of my destiny than i had been, i had done numerous and unimaginable things which can be described as self-destruction, but god had sustained my life, and hadn't forgotten about me and whatever potential that i hadn't squandered already, god wasn't ready for me to die even though i was pretty sure that i was more than ready to do so... i can't explain the gratitude and peace that i had experienced after that moment, i could literally 'feel' an indescribable sensation of what seemed like 'things leaving my body/soul', almost as if some spirits were exiting my physical or spiritual host/body, and i felt a new sense of 'lightness', it was the weight sort of lightness, not the visual illumination type, but really the whole ordeal was a spiritual illumination... the words 'gratitude and peace' come back to mind... as i contemplate the event today i recall the words of 'footsteps in the sand'... but the story of how i formally 'met' god come to mind today when i contemplate a facebook post which speaks to human's existing free will and it's relation to a 'fatherly god' who still hold's the hand and guide's the path for a fifty-two year old, and sometimes ungrateful and uncareful child (me)... i'd love to patronize the notion that i am old enough and smart enough to dictate the course of every thought and action, but there is still--and always will be--a god who has far more control over my surroundings/environment than i ever really consider... when i live my life in the impulsiveness of routine and gearless-nuetrality of sub-consciousness i find it far too easy to leave god out of the equation, and make myself and my insufficient reasoning through faulty/compulsive thoughts, words, and deeds... (sorry, i was just interrupted by an unsavory telemarketer that wanted to speak and sell, not listen)... and now i have to drive someone to an appointment, pardon my hasty departure, and unfinished thoughts, life calls, i respond. -- ct

11-23-21 later: ... but reading more ctmu 'theory' i understand that--contrary to the bad times depicted in 'footsteps in the sand', god is much more active in our daily lives, and not just during high's and low's ... dang-it, i have to leave again for another thing.  --  ct

11-18-21: This is just cut and paste from regular blog, it isn't well thought out or written with and decent detail, but it's important for spiritual and personal growth, so it has to go here to, for now:

yesterday's post got wiped when i tried to ctrl + v... the paste resulted in blank text, and the rest was already gone to the shitty session-kill that this crummy service offers... i could chalk that up as user-error because i ought to know the possibility of that error occurring, but it always seems to occur when i am at a dwindling level of consciousness (tired/sleepy), bu then again that's typically when i make the most mistakes, such is life... i have another writing project that i began yesterday, i can't foresee it providing any financial resources, but it ought to have positive and lasting benefit to my soul/psyche, it's one of those 'dear eric hansen' things where you write letters to people and yourself as a way to examine the past and actually offer a type of communication to god about significant people and our past, the term he used the other day was 'open up full level of our hearts' or 'true repentance' (and NO, it wasn't a professional religious person that used those terms)... and the term that was used as the reasoning for the project is 'impacted grief'... depending on how fvcked-up your past has been, and what types of events that you have experienced, and how you processed those events and remember them today, well if you are a ptsd type of person like me then there is a good chance that you might have a tad of that impacted grief yourself, but that's between you and god and maybe even a intermediary or two to help facilitate, but anyhow, since i have been reading Kubler-Ross and Kessler trying to get a grasp on the reality of emotions and common experiences that they clump together as 'grief' then the term impacted-grief already speaks to me without having researched yet... impacted-grief, impacted wisdom teeth, i get it, but i'm looking forward to consuming more info on the subject, and the writing project... there are many exercises and ideas and topics to help facilitate creativity for authors/writers, but most that i have read are crazy-shallow wastes of calories/energy, so this is one of the ideas that seems to have redeeming and lasting benefits, so i consider it a worthy exercise and hopefully doorway to further discovery and healing. my body is subject to over-reacting, take my immune system for instance, it over-reacts to many air-born particulates that don't bother most other folks, over-analyzing traumatic events based on ignorance, ego, and emotions is a recipe for disaster, and when i say 'ignorance' i use the word to describe not having enough of appropriate understanding/education, i don't mean being a dummy, i fully understand that i'm as ignorant as fvck about some things that i have learned incorrectly or haven't even considered yet, but i'm not as much of a dummy as you might think, although i did abuse my brain/intelligence/potential for many years trying to forget painful historical events... trying to make use of god-given potential requires embracing reality, ignoring and trying to stuff-away unpleasant experiences and not fully learning from them is pretty dumm (i know/love folks that cannot physically speak, so i prefer to use the 'crash-test dummy' type of wording for dumm), i will call it ignorant... some folks that are about as dumm as me may actually require a smarter person to more or less take you by the hand and walk through the event, like a parent to their child when trying to teach and show you how to do something... i guess i required that from time to time, and sometimes more than others... i spent over fifties years learning how to stifle and trying to forget unpleasant experiences, 'take a pill and carry-on' was the mentality, but your sub-conscious simply doesn't let memories escape, we have a ton of 'storage-space' in our brains and as much as we would like to f-disk or re-write the past it simply doesn't work that way... since my renewed prayer-life has taken shape it seems that the combination of prayer and communicating in the simple way that i know how through valuable writing exercises i am encouraged that an overall healthier version of myself is closer than i feel at the moment... and how, a special 'thank you' to Jesse, and a special 'thank you' to christopher langan, both have offered some education that was long overdue. ok, i got to get back to responsibilities, cheers. -- ct

10-05-21: so based on most of today's conversation i would give credence to Kesler's sixth step of grieving which is 'meaning', or maybe you could call it a type of recovery or healing to make best use of your time/space/domain, basically embracing painful sh1t that changed your life and not falling back on primal instincts when more life changes that were beyond control in some major/minor fashion, certain circumstances/events can trigger unhealthy thoughts/actions/behaviors/words/deeds, choose your preferred label, some folks recover quickly from events that turn their words upside, like a break-up, or death, or witnessing or participating in a painful and hard to fully explain sort of circumstance that isn't always pleasant to be reminded about, some folks learn full implications from such events in an instant, some folks require distractive busy-ness rather than embracing a life changing event, some folks deal with depression and don't feel motivated to want to change or to know how to change, then others don't want to be overly motivated but basically trying to keep busy doing distractive things that probably aren't as important as they may seem at the time... i think Kesler's 'finding meaning' is learning how to be resilient and finding new purpose given painful or shocking memories that maybe haven't been fully grieved in other aspects, so i like kesler's contribution to the field of 'grief', i think today's conversation might beer witness to that pillar of grieving, it's like saying how do we get past this multi-faceted event after we have had time and education to unpack it, there is education and even a god that can assist in such things such as meaning/finding-meaning/purpose, but sometimes everything just feels shitty and you stuck in 'n-neutral transmission' then the theory is that there is some sort of 'grieving' going-on and you might require some education and even some temporary assistance depending on your current understanding of what a neccesative lifestyle entails, how comfortable you really need to be or lack of comfort that is tolerable or even realistic and what dependencies you have on others and things that are tangible and not so tangible, in many respects that is where i find myself today, i would say that finding meaning equates to being an active participant in post-triggering event, or at least a step in that direction, i feel like i was pushed back to learning basic survival pillars which are that we need food, water, and sleep to survive, fire helps to contribute to the water/food/sleep, so does an adequate shelter if you plan to survive in that geography for more than a day or two, clothing helps to make the weather elements more bearable... so anyway, i had to get my mindset back to basics... but both god and mankind offer much to living in a place of maintaining or even thriving as some folks like to say, i would say that just as there is a healthy level of surviving versus maintaining there is a healthy and unhealthy level of maintaining and the requirement of thriving, there is some healthy level/balance/ratio of surviving/maintaining/thriving that is a mystery, religion/god seems to bring a good perspective of that healthy ratio, anyways, this is just crude simple perspective with limited education/research and i have to give someone a ride to works, so i gotta go. -- ct

09-30-21:  it seems that most of my post-conversion to christianity experience that were my most ignorant and painful were the times where i wasn't proactive about my faith, the biggest mistakes of selfish ignorance were times when i assumed that i could just be in a re-active mode and assuming that god would stop me from doing stupid things so i could just 'unplug' and try to live life doing things my way... this is just a note for future expansion, it's important enough to write about but now is not the time for it.  --  ct

09-26-21: writing has taken a back-seat for the past week, i've been dealing with some personal and emotional challenges regarding a family dynamic... some people deal with emotional shit that is out of our control in healthy manors and others with unhealthy manors, i think i have been doing both, but the most notable is a distracting thing where i am trying to keep myself busy with a current goal which is cleaning and organizing a home that i will simply call a hoarding/hygeinic breeding ground, i'm getting our house in order whether other family members are happy about it or not, i can't live in a shit-hole any longer and i'm embarrassed that i ever let our home get to it's current state... when you live in a tear-down house with a cellar/crawl-space that encourages critters, insects and dampness to infiltrate you must keep such a house as neat and dry as possible until the house collapses or you move, when you let the house get to hoardsville/dump conditions the bugs and dampness and dust balls have their way until much of the hoard-crap needs to be thrown away or burned... irritants, mold, mildew, dust take control and the tear-down house becomes more unhealthy than necessary and sinus and vascular challenges are persistent, as stated above, i am distracting myself by getting our house in order and whether or not i can teach my family through this experience remains to be seen... i don't have a ton of steady readers so i don't feel that it's necessary to apologize to anyone while i get my house in order and write less, but that's what's going on around here... i'm trying to use this cleaning and organizing as an educational tool for my family but it's a challenge in many respects, prayer is welcomed and encouraged by the reader, marriages have ended over less challenges but lifestyle changes that fit into reality can be painful and the older we get and the longer that persistent dysfunctions run wild the more painful that necessary changes can 'feel'... i don't want things to get to the point where i move out and into a survival type of shelter but it might be healthier to chronic sinus and vascular conditions that are exacerbated by unhealthy lifestyle choices and decisions and ignorance... i have thrown away many moldy and insect dwelling clothes that are left thrown about and looking into how many dehumidifiers we can afford for next spring, and how much we can afford to keep them running in order to live in a tear-down house with little water/vapor control until we find the right place to move to, and when we can afford to move there, as stated above, prayer is welcomed by the reader... when i used to work for a living instead of being home and present it was easy to just let this sort of dysfunction run it's course, now that i've been home i have become aware of the magnitude of our living situation and trying to figure out how to get through this mountain of a problem that is need of correction... i want a big-ass fvcking dumpster to dispose of unmanaged 'memories' that don't do a fvcking thing in day to day living but seem to be littering our tear-down home that resembles stereo-typical unhygienic hoard... i've been distracting myself through personal and emotional difficulty by trying to clean our fvcking house while most household members are more concerned with making more messes and contributing to unhygienic hoarding rather than learning to be responsible adults, i've spent more time cleaning and organizing and removing refuse than i have been writing this past week, that's why i haven't been writing... i don't know how i ended up in this sort of lifestyle but nothing about it makes sense, when and where to move are the longer term questions, and how to teach the rest of the family about healthy and hygienic living is the short-term mission... we have got to move out of a tear-down house in a town that doesn't make sense for our lifestyle and into a different geography that is a bit more dispersed and offers space to be more self-sufficient in terms of growing and raising food and working with hands not just minds and money... but cleaning house seems to be the current mission, employment should be a consideration as well, but it's secondary when you live in an unhygienic shit-hole... did i mention that prayer is appreciated... anyways, that's partly why i haven't written much this past week, i'm using emotional distractions and energy to try to do something useful, too bad being a house-keeper isn't my only responsibility otherwise this place might actually look nice, but somehow and someway i chose this particular lifestyle and the repentance process is tiring and painful. -- ct

09-23-21: i haven't written much on this section of the website recently, but i've been living it, lot's of praying for logical words and actions in preparing the last couple of weeks before my son shipped off to boot camp, also a bunch of other variables too, my daughter's birthday to commemorate a special year was important, and helping my wife and other daughter with projects and difficulties were good priorities too lately, but the transnational month of september--when school aged children and adolescents get back to different routines and schedules--always presents challenges, this year it included watching an eighteen year old leave the nest so to speak, i suspect that he will return home when his military commitment is over, but i can't assume anything, so this year's september hasn't disappointed, it's been as transitional and challenging as any other september normally is, when basing things on an academic school year you know that christmas break is always nice, but June is the next big transitional month, June always turns our live's upside down for a bit too, closing out the school year finishing projects and then learning to embrace new routines is the challenge for the summer break... anyhow, transitions aside, i wanted to touch on a few things that i've read and contemplated a bit lately, logic... that's all, just logic... in my simple little brain the word logic is a way of deducing reality, whether through applied mathematics/science or by reasoning through other means of intellectual observational means such as philosophy which must include religion, for a hardcore scientist void of religion you probably require more understanding of vocabulary/language variables and philosophies of reality and religion become your problems are worked out, you require more words not numbers to calculate the problems or theories that you are trying to solve... read chris langan's works and get a handle on some of his theory (ctmu) to get a better understanding of my post, but a guy from one of the ctmu's website's used a phrase similar to 'logic being the overlap between philosophy and science, it makes me more on the lines of what meta-religion consists of, and why language/vocabulary are detriment to understanding reality, and even god's will... a math-science person may require factual proven equations to believe in some reality, but telling them that god is love is like throwing a shitload of random numbers at them and telling them to use those random numbers to formulate how many bananas a human of my height/weight/age and genetic predispositions should eat every four to six hours, but they have to use the random numbers that i threw at them to solve this equation... i wrote about this today while i was reading some ctmu-related stuff and then recalling a social-network platform comment from one person that i don't know who commented with some nasty words based on their feelings of the word 'agape', they thought the word was too vague and therefore the whole theory of god's love was irrelevant based on actions of folks that described themselves as christians... i'll have to give this some more thought, but now i have to drive some kids to school. -- ct

09-07-21 later: i recently read, and then heard some bad news about an old friend, he's having a nasty time understanding enough of god's basics that his life went from 'turned upside down' to all kind's of 'shaken and stirred' and a lot more fvcked up than one could imagine... pray for a guy named donald if you will, some nasty things happened about twenty years ago and things are getting worse not better, making a conscious decision to withhold forgiveness has evolved into all sorts of harsh realities, when a person begins a relationship or communion with god they are not supposed to live their lives in neutral in sub-conscious and emotional compulsions, there... please pray for a guy named donald, his whereabouts is unknown, and he and his loved one's could really use some prayer about now. -- ct

09-01-21: September Morn... happy september to those of us who appreciate cooler weather and to everyone else as well... it doesn't matter who you are or where you live, it's sept in the usa and i extend a happy september to you, it's a new month for new opportunities, and new opportunities to get right in your head and you heart... seek religion in it's purest form if you never have done so, it could be the most productive month of your life... and if you are a religious-ey sort of person then seek a more transparent relationship with god and a more transparent relationship with yourself this month beginning right now, you require it... many religious folks are enthralled with the notion of having a connection with the giver of life, but not too happy with conforming one's life to the template and example and words and actions of jesus of nazareth... many folks want to operate in the semi-conscious and subconscious where we just act/react to life and stimuli as we always do, the god of life requires pro-action, being proactive to live a life that appreciates others as much as we appreciate ourselves, the giver of life requires us to connect with it and being proactive to give more temptations and desires and spoiled and selfish thoughts and actions to it, and to extend more of it's love to those we encounter, the giver of life expects more of our hearts and minds than most folks wish to allow... utilize this new month of september to embrace and conform to the giver of life itself, it's a requirement for a better future... happy september. -- ct

08-30-21:  better to treat and understand everyone as your equal, that means not trying to fool them or exploit them, but love them equally as you might a parent or your offspring, otherwise all sorts of difficulties will emerge, better to love everyone as your equal, the sooner you become more christ-like and then treat others as your equals the better your chances for a life worthy of living and the more privileged you are, don't try to exploit people that you desire something from, better to be open an honest/transparent and even humble soul to others, it saves you a bunch of time and prevents you from difficult experiences and painful education... better to treat others as equals, not objects to manipulate and use, because that's just wrong... don't be deceived and fooled by all smiling politicians, not all smiles are alike, some of them are from actors that are not treating you as their equal, and do not appreciate you as a person, only a vote and a tool.  --  ct

08-27-21:  please pray for folks in Afghanistan, the one's trying to get out of there and the others that are stuck with taliban as their make-shift government and military, please pray for them and their safety... please also pray for folks in Haiti and Tennessee that were recently and severely impacted by natural disasters, and please pray for folks that are in direct path of hurricane Ida, the hurricane is heading in a vulnerable part of america that has experienced tons of storms, and the coast won't be the end of the hurricane's destruction, it's going to come right up the eastern part of our country here in the usa... and please pray for me if you care to, i am surviving a nasty period of my life and getting better every day, but i still require help and some that i am even aware of, prayer is appreciated.  --  ct

08-19-21: let's be clear that i'm far from a superior intellect with a well-diversed and educated background to any degree to use smart-sounding vocabulary, i'm a simple guy with a simple vocabulary, and some of my vocabulary was acquired from public education, so sometimes i use simple words to communicate simple things that are over-complicated to the degree that my simple head can only use simple vocabulary to communicate... so, i use this word from time to time, it's a weird word with multiple meanings but i use a word called 'compromise' with a bit of regularity and so i thought it would be wise to expand on it a bit further, and so when my kids read this crummy website someday they will understand what their weird dad meant when i use this weird word called compromise... i think at it's core i would use some sloppy simple words to describe a 'compromise' as the moment that a person begins to lie to themselves to justify their actions and behaviors and probable dysfunction, it's when a person begins to make excuses for the poor decisions that we make, poor decisions that everyone makes based on the imperfect nature of our species... at it's core, a 'compromise' can come in all shapes and sizes, but self-compromise can occur on regular basis for undetermined periods of time until true education and realization is observed and embraced and appreciated and positive change is clear as day and a witness in reality and truth in-itself... but the word compromise could also be further simplified in moral terms and respects as a choice between good and evil once there is a known understanding of why good is good and bad is bad, someone weird like me could even say that self-compromise and lack of true understanding and maybe even evil itself is an obstacle from embracing true/truth and the way and the light, to some degree... the word compromise is self-evident and self-explanatory when understood... a simple and obvious compromise to good and evil is observed in the practice and medical term called abortion, the compromises that people who support that type of dysfunction are as multi-faceted and complex as excuses can be thought and manipulative dysfunctional perceptions can be articulated... those who embrace such obvious compromise as abortion are in search of true religion, and further educational and positive changes are observed and forgiven when true religion is experienced and understood... but the word compromise is a weird word that has different meanings to different people... compromise is also observed in tribalism, and clans that makes excuses for the actions and behaviors and doing things the way that always do things, where dysfunction is observed and protected and sometimes even celebrated... sometimes the things that we celebrate and/or the way that we celebrate certain things reveal 'compromise' or 'dysfunction', but dysfunction and compromise are forgiven when realized and understood and true religion is obvious in positive change and things called the ten commandments balanced in respects to fruits of the spirit... the compromise of clans or tribes or groups of affiliated folks are evident when obvious and conscious decisions of good and bad are simply replaced with making excuses for obvious moral 'misunderstandings', and then protecting our own at any cost... it seems that proper religion at it's core is discerned and embraced by those who put away foolish and nonsensical compromises and choose the path of transparency and knowing and doing good instead of bad, it seems that some compromises are easier to discern than others but the words and teachings and example of Jesus of Nazareth is a model and template worthy of discerning compromise from lack of education, and lack of education versus good and evil, and where free-will exists in an over complicated yet simple world, a simple world that over-complicates distinctions between good and evil, or right and wrong, or whatever words you choose to describe such simple differences, in a world that finds political-correctness an easier and more preferred alternative to ten commandments and fruits of the spirit and separation of church and state in a state that wishes to minimize 'religion' and it's importance, while embracing laws which advocate for the destruction of the most defenseless lives... abortion is a compromise of life versus death and is forgiven when the education of proper religion is embraced, otherwise it's like all other compromises, decisions that push us further from the way and the truth and the light... are there compromises that you make excuses for, are there personal dysfunctions that you make excuses for, are there actions and behaviors that you are making excuses for... if you can't even explain them to yourself and be honest with yourself about it/them then how would you possibly explain them to the giver of life itself... well hopefully you won't have to, but i am aware of a religion that understands the imperfections of humans and the compromises that we make and then offers forgiveness of regretful actions and behaviors and understandings and introduces a template for a better way of life, a life that values redemption and other humans too, i am aware of a religious sort of thing that values your life despite the compromises that you've made whether they be in ignorance or on purpose, the words of a father that cares for his children are found within the words and actions and historical documentation of Yeshua, so he's sort of a good template to look to when discerning right from wrong, his words and the words of the prophets that expected him are a good template combined with simple things like ten commandments and fruits of the spirit... please don't take my unprofessional words and opinions for granted though, do a bit of research yourself as these are important matters to consider and maybe even embrace. -- ct

08-14-21: good morning and happy saturday too you. i noticed that some good insight and good preaching went on around the house this week, there was some great communication happening around here, where old imparts to young and young imparts to old... some older folks never grasp the importance of how young can teach the old... i'm blessed to be stuck in the middle of wise and perceptive peoples, i love me some smart peoples that are both humble and insightful... there is a bibley sort of verse that speaks to the concept above... 'out of the mouths of babes' or it includes something along those words. i think one of the most important words of wisdom that was shared over the past week was simple and truth and should be shared with you too, the important reader... 'you are far more capable than you understand and give yourself credit for' i think were the exact words, when a person subjects themselves to only what they have learned so far, and only what they understand about the world and our puny place in it, then folks can easily stagnate and lack confidence and motivation to explore and move and try and smash out of our own little world that we keep ourselves bounded to... do you lack motivation and confidence... well don't ask me for any great insight or formula or easy way to get past your situation... but you are more capable than you give yourself credit for, and that's a good place to start with... it's also a solid concept and truth that military type of boot camp teaches it's participants, they don't just brainwash folks into being lean mean fighting machines as john candy once stated... if that were the case there would be no need for USMJ, because they would just be a bunch train killers that only know how to kill... but a military person must be capable of discerning the orders of imperfect leaders between 'orders' and 'lawful orders/directives'... folks in the military are more confident than some others because they smashed through their pre-conceived limitations through the guidance of people who taught them that they are more capable than they have given themselves credit for... the young person with minimal confidence will someday learn how much more capable they are than that which they have learned thusfar... you too... i write for many reasons, and one of them is to motivate you, the important reader... i don't posses an ego that requires lot's of followers or readers, i'm perfectly fine just writing to you and you alone... and so i say it again, you are more capable than you give yourself credit for and more capable than others have given you credit for... you can sit on your ass and keep doing the same things all of the time if that's what your tiny ego requires, or you can make efforts to change... there are lot's of things that motivate people to change... for me it takes things that some people call 'epiphany' or life-changing moments, and in my case it's been surviving different sorts of trauma's and surviving multiple events where i should have died... for me it took something like religion, or understanding religion differently than i understood it before to understand that my life is not my own, that it is sustained by natural means and a real god that wanted me alive a bit longer then death had called for... religion, or in my case simple old generic christianity and the god of the bible taught me that i am more capable and more important than i ever gave myself credit for... some folks thought that i was pretty capable, drill sergeants proved that to me, others recognized it at one time or another too perhaps, but for me it took the god of the bible to actually show me through it's words written in simple words... and for me there has been a life long struggle to embrace the humble yet capable person that the god of the bible has taught me that i am, balanced with what the world would suggest that i ought to be and remaining trapped within the boundaries of that which a small child with no confidence embraces and has 'learned'... i don't know what it really takes to help others realize their potential and to learn more to embrace it while helping others along the way, i'm trying to learn that myself, mentorship seems to be a big part of solving that mystery... where are the mentors that won't exploit the frailty and ignorance of the simple child, where are the mentors that teach with a humble and pure heart... i've had the pleasure of meeting some, and even being instructed by some, and even being one here and there, but unfortunately humans are flawed from birth and we all show our flaws from time to time, i've felt let down by some awesome yet flawed teachers and mentors over the years, yet they all provided some level of education that maybe a simple guy like me required... i am unqualified academically/educationally speaking to try to teach or help anyone with anything other tying some shoes maybe, yet i have no certifications that prove that i can teach how to tie shoes and i also appreciate the slip-on versions as well, but mentors are required throughout most folks life, and more important at younger ages maybe than older ages... but the old can instruct the young, and the young can speak to the old, and the older the young get we might learn that we are all really just learning from each other everyday... and i am one of those religousy types that believes that there is a god that requires our attention and that we require the attention and instructions from the written words of the bible and the words that are spoken through those in our lives and around us, and discerning which words are truth and which words are not truth may or may not keep us bound to ignorance, or being humble and capable and helpful. -- ct

08-07-21 laterer: i'm trying to figure out what healthy changes that i can make in my life, not just regular things like nutritional and hydrational intake choices and improving sleep quality, but other things that can also effect emotional health too, well first i should state that i am also trying to improve other aspects of life such as emotional health, and then i could state that religion is also mixed into things as well, as well as better nutritional and hydrational intake choices and improving sleep quality which are also things that can also be important for better physical and emotional health too, sort of... right... and so then let me back up to the beginning again and say that i am trying to figure out what healthy changes that i can make in my life to yield better outcome than what i've become... and so some of the things that i do the a lot of now is to read and to write, and some of that is to learn by history and to be aware of current relevancy and self-edification and to share what i've learned, but you mix those time consuming activities in with regular things like living the regular lives that we find ourselves in, and so i have to find a balance of input-consumption-output versus daily regular life and then wonder what other distractions stand in between of a more healthy lifestyle and healthy change, i wonder how much of what things that i spend time on are really distracting things that distract me from being more relevant to the people around me that i love and love me the most, and then when you consider or ponder the value of the people that are most important to us, and then also consider or ponder the value of others that we appreciate or surround ourselves with or choose to surround ourselves with, when i consider that the god of my religious preference teaches that only one other person that ever walked the face of the earth is more than my equal, and so everyone else on the face of this earth is just as significant or insignificant as everyone else... when i consider such thoughts of equality and lack of inequality i wonder how much time is sufficient for distractions and how much time is significant to people and how much time is significant for priorities like those that we love and the god which i love... when i try to make more healthy lifestyle changes and to get away from unhealthy routines, i wonder where balance in all things becomes relevant to me and a healthy lifestyle ensues, i wonder where better changes in my life will yield a better outcome than me and what i've become... and most days i have more questions than answers about too many things that are really important and other things that might just be distractions from the things that are really important... i require balance and peace and sometimes i even make appropriate choices to achieve one, or the other... or both... time will tell which priorities are really priorities and time will tell which distractions are mere distractions and time will tell if changes that i've made were healthy changes or unhealthy changes... time tells us lot's of things, and the god of my religious preference is unbound by time, and so sometimes i ponder where the balance of useful time and priorities smashes into things like continued education and are useful or even appropriate, or if 'under the sun it is all vanity of vanities'... where is balance for the weary soul, and what are real priorities, and what is chasing after folly of follies... those are simple things that a simple guy considers from time to time... but time tells us lots of things eventually... hey, You... do you know what time it is? ... well i ask because sometimes we loose track of time, and especially when we are distracted by things that are NOT very important. -- ct

08-04-21:  any chance there are any readers that are aware of any sort of 'spiritual' type of 'awakening' sort of thing that might be going on lately in parts of the world.  i suppose that maybe i'm a bit lazy to research really, but just curious if something like covid that seems somehow used for harm might actually also be working for good somehow, just curious... multiple things were triggered inside me around august of 2020 and then something more healthy on a religousy thing seemed to come about maybe in february or march maybe of 2021, just curious if anyone even looks at this page, and if so, do they know of anything in a larger geographic other than myself that has been noticing any sort healthier religious types of stuff... just curious.  --  ct