12-21-2020: I kind of lost it tonight. Tonight when I lost it I didn’t break or damage anything, I didn’t yell, I didn’t make anyone else feel bad, or make any threats, and I didn’t try to control the outcome of me blowing off some steam, I just blew off some steam… I think most people need to blow off steam sometimes. Usually when I lose it (at least I’m starting to think) well maybe I’m really very frustrated, and maybe I’m frustrated because something poked hard at me and my ego, and it’s something that shouldn’t, but can easily set me off, and maybe I feel the need to make sure that everyone around me fully understands every facet of what it is that I’m upset about and that they should all know better! … I don’t think that people with healthy egos do those things, but I know that I have and I know I’m not the only person that ever does that.

But when I sort of lost it last-night (it’s morning now) the things that I said to those around me weren’t hurtful or angry, they were sort of me explaining where my head has been lately, and it came out raw and honest, and with clarity and even some tears. When I allowed myself to be honest and raw the things that I said to those around me is what I’m describing as ‘back to the basics’, and here are the things that I can remember from last night.

I told my wife and daughter some of the reasons that I’ve felt this burning need to write, and keep writing, and being real with myself and others is because…

 … I think maybe I’m supposed to be a ‘writer’ of sorts now, but I don’t know much more about it than that at the moment

 … I’ve realized that I have been letting emotions and lack of clarity dictate how I live and act, and I understand how wrong much of that’s been

 … I’m trying to teach other people to recognize ‘why they do what they do’ without continuing to be stuck in the ‘heards’ that we are in (heard mentality, mob mentality, etc.), or are controlled by their own emotions

 … I am also apologizing to my three teenagers for being the way that I am (or was?), and that I have failed them, and I have a different outlook on life now, and I’m making important changes because of that

 … that I don’t have material/monetary things to give them right now, but I am compelled and obligated to give them what I do have, which now seems to be insight gained through experience, that and honesty

 … that I will never have a mountain of things to leave as my ‘legacy’, but that my children are my legacy, and are worth the effort of making sure that I teach them about things that I think are important

 … And to make sure that my children are actually prepared to face the world and to recognize what’s important and to not be distracted by things that are not

Those were some of the reasons that I write now, and below are ‘the basics’ that I haven’t been able to articulate to my kids before… I’ve written something similar in a previous post titled ‘Parents tell your children’, but I’ve changed a few important things since then. I call them basics because I think they are factual based logic that I think if I had known and understood these basics, maybe I wouldn’t have made so many bad decisions in my life, and maybe I would have been a more complete parent to my children when they were younger… so you know, ‘the basics’:

Your child just needs to know that they are accepted and loved.

Your child needs to feel a sense of safety and security in their home, or environment.

… and an accepting, caring, and secure home doesn’t have to be a home, it can be a car, a tent, or less.

Your child needs to know that they (like everyone else) are unique, one-of-a-kind.

Your child needs to know that they will meet many types of people and personalities over the course of their lifetime.

… understand why they like the ones they do, and what really bothers them about the one’s they don’t

… and to show respect, patience and understanding to everyone, except people who try to manipulate or try to harm you… they are no longer worthy of your patience and respect, defend yourselves

… And to help others if you really can, but not to the point where you forget to ask for help when they need it too.

… Everyone requires help in life, understand why and when you need it, most normal people will help if they really can.

… It’s perfectly normal not to have all the answers in life (no one does), and there usually aren’t simple answers to complex problems. People that offer simple solutions to complex problems may be wise or foolish, discern as quickly as possible.

… The human Ego is a powerful thing; a well centered ego is honest and genuine; an un-centered ego is blind and cannot see their short-cummings

… Human Beings require food, water, shelter, and other humans, everything else may distract you from missing what’s really important in life… Humans, food, water, and shelter.

… Nobody 'deserves' anything, but everyone deserves what we’ve turned our lives into, turn to help when you're stuck

… Life is as complicated as you make it, the more you acquire the more you have to maintain, maintenance is complicated and sucks… so question your desires before you give into them.

… Your ego will get the best of you sometimes, you need people in your lives that will help keep your ego healthy

… When life overwhelms you, and no matter what’s happened in the past, they can always return to a nurturing and accepting home.

… Most people they meet did not grow up in a home that was safe, and caring, and honest about themselves or others. Do not judge others based on that alone, or their looks, just know that they understand life differently then you

 … If your favorite politicians, actors, athletes, musicians, tech leaders and other ‘cool, inspiring’ people use emotional tactics to persuade your thinking, you should begin to question their ego, has it been compromised?  Are they more interested in their own fame, fortune, greed and ego than what’s really important? Many public figures have compromised egos/integrity, they are usually people that aren’t worth looking up to, or taking advice from. Take your advice from well-centered egos that respect other people’s views and values, not from people that seem to have it all already, because they probably just want more.

… I will tell my kids that trying to act or talk like they think ‘they are supposed to act’, or to talk and act and look the way that you think ‘other people think you should be’… well those are irrelevant and unimportant things that keep people from being genuine and authentic… And every reasonable person that you meet won’t expect you to be anything other than your honest genuine self. And also, that they will meet hurting/shallow people that will try to prove me wrong with their own distractions

I will also explain to my children why I choose the religion that I have, but you don’t have to… people all over the world from eternity past to eternity future will be born, ate, drank, slept, lived and died without following my God, I get that.

I want my children to be well-prepared for life and its various challenges, and I’ve come to understand that I have failed them in this regard… Maybe I got a few things right along the way but it’s time for full-disclosure, I was wrong and now I'm taking corrective action… and it’s never too late to do that when you get your ego right and can see where you've ‘missed it’.

DISCLAIMER: Everything written above is expressed opinion and observations of an unqualified unlicensed old white guy with a recovering bruised ego. -- christopher