Look, this is just a blog.  I write with little regard to proper technique or rules of grammar, i'm just an untrained novice writer who starting blogging as a form of therapy once the covid-era began, and my livelihood changed forever... eventually i split up the site to have a section geared toward my political opinions and complaints, and another one for my philosophical and religious opinions, but this page is just the blog part... with that said--I write for my own mental-health, as history for my family, and for anyone else that cares to read... thanks --  ct
 May 2023
05-31-23:  my whole last post disappeared, the session must have timed-out before i saved it... bummer... it was probably my greatest work ever, no, not really ;-), in fact, i don't remember what it was actually, but i was probably complaining about something... yup, that was it, i was complaining about something... when i get to meet God he's probably going to tell me that i was very high maintenance, and a world-class complainer, or something along those lines, He knows i'm trying to work on both of those deficiencies. -- ct

05-31-23 later:  and just like that, May is about over, and our youngest daughter's last day of high school... time flies when your overwhelmed and trying to make the most of it... there was little sleep to be had overnight, i bedded down around nine:ish, and come midnight i was Wide awake, the post above this one was written around two:ish, it's what happens when i run out of ambien, no refills, and have to wait for the VA to get back to me, and to ship another batch, i'll probably have lot's of late-night posts for the next week, that's about how long it takes to get an Rx shipment these days, but that remains to be seen... having some good gun-therapy lately, the AR-10 is just about assembled (just a few more parts to acquire), the 5.56 AR is underway, the 458 socom AR is coming along, and the 7.62x39 (ak-47) chambered AR upper receiver just needs a few more parts too... the 8.6 BLK AR-10 is in the earliest steps, now that ammo is avaible for this newer cartridge i feel better about building one, it might end up being an AR-10 (M5 according to Aero Precision) SBR, it's one of those cartridges that doesn't need a full 16-inches to burn off all of the powder, so an SBR makes sense (similar to 458s and 300blk) if you want a rifle that is efficient and not overly heavy... i haven't shot much lately, the building is good therapy too, though, i hope to sneak in some range time when my son is home in the near future, the 308 AR-10 might be ready by then... the shitty thing is that i have some heavy-lifting yard work that should be priority right now (upcoming graduation party), but my body isn't quite ready for the heavy lifting still (maybe the surgeon will tell me otherwise tomorrow), so it's nice to have the ARs to work on... i've got to move six bales of straw a hundred yards away, need 3 or 4 more bags of sand for the patio base, need 12 more of the super heavy 2x2 concrete pavers, and then i need to get the pavers in their final resting place before next weekend's party (if we are to have a patio to use for it), i think the straw won't be too heavy, but pushing the wheel-barrel back and forth a dozen times for a hundred yards is probably going to suck... the worst of it will be the 2x2 pavers, the 1x1 pavers aren't too bad, so they will install pretty easily, but not those dang 2x2s, half of those big ones need to be cut too, it's going to look like a red and white checker-board (using the 1x1 pavers) that's framed with the larger and darker 2x2 pavers (you'll be able to play checkers or chess with frizbees on it), it's not very difficult, but the big pavers were probably a poor choice considering my current physical/gimpy limitations and desire to finish it before next weekend's party... what was i thinking... then, i've also got a few yards worth of crap to relocate out of the yard before the party, too, not sure what to do with some of it, though... OK, signing off for now, i've got some work ahead of me, and trying to figure out where to start. -- ct

05-28-23:  nice day in rockingham county, it's a bit more warm and humid for this time of the year (seriously contemplating installing the window A/C's in May), but it's a pretty day, most of the pea-brained extra-noisy motorcyclists have already passed by the house, but there will be plenty more this weekend... extra-noisy folks who think that image, ego, and exhaust rule the day, stupid shit-head boys trapped in adult's body, folks stuck in eternal adolescence, yeah, i get it... anyways, i'm still a bit gimpy--so i shouldn't go shoving too many retarded shoulders--but pea-brained imbeciles are a dime a dozen in these here parts, can't even open the windows when the weather suggests that you should... noisy shit-heads that victimize/rape you with their idiocy and mechanical passion are bountiful in rockingham county, i'm surrounded by shitheads, so what does that make me??? a guy/shithead that's moving soon, preferably before i take out my aggression on little boys trapped in men's body's/clothes, because noisy shitheads are a protected species in rockingham county, i'm not allowed to shoot them, and so i'll move soon, lest i fill a deeply-dug grave dedicated to noisy shitheads, fresh ground prepared for extra-noisy boys trapped in a retarded mentality... when you can no longer suffer the fool you fight hard, or leave the mob to decide what to do with the idiots, idiot's that look like grown-ass men, but are ignorant disrespectful boys trapped in black clothing, most of whom suffer from personality disorders, but you know that already, don't you... normal people know how to drive bikes respectively through populated areas, complete fvcking idiots have no such sensibility or discernment, personality disorders are a bitch, ain't they.  --  ct

05-28-23 later:  i serve a very tiny audience, so i have an exceedingly low degree of 'influencer status', pretty much none/zilch/nada, so with that lead out of the way i have no problem telling the makers of the grill-cleaning robot that you are fvcking crazy, and your business model hinges on exceedingly lazy folks to suddenly stop being lazy enough to pick up a phone and order your stupid-ass product... sorry, no one invited me to their imaginary 'shark tank' interview to give my advice, so i can only offer my completely unprofessional 'hind-sight' criticism wrapped around some sound logic, what the fvck were you folks thinking, other than 'how to waste investors money'... anyhow... that's my rhetorical question of the day... fvcking grill-bot folks have supplied a year's worth of laughter in the few days that i've caught wind of their product on newsmax--almost as bad as a guy peddling his perfect concept of a pillow, or bedding, or slippers, all with a theatrical performance and energy fitting for a big tent... being a conservative doesn't mean abandoning your mind at the coat-room, it involves sound discernment in determining whether i'm capable or unlazy enough to require a 'robot' to scrub the cooking surface of my grill... and none of you assholes out there better not send me one of those things in jest, i'll turn it into a gofer destroying ordnance-laden drone in no time flat... who's the delusional VP that thought they'd sell a zillion of those things, carbon seeking bots, good grief, i'm not in the investment-class, so i'm not victimized by such solutions to our greatest needs, but you have no idea what i could do with one of those things, a few sensors, a decent payload... i'll tell you what, i could blow a grill (or carbon deposit) clear out of the stratosphere, but i don't have adequate licensing to do such things... a grill scrubbing bot, who'da known, go get you one if you are opposed to 30 seconds of manual labor.  --  ct
05-26-23:  got some 'pulled pork' slow roasting for dinner, should be pretty good, used sweet baby ray's BBQ for 99-percent of the flavor, it'll be good... long weekend ahead, nothing extra special going on for us, my son will be extra busy, but the girls will be off and appreciating the monday holiday--every day is holiday in my world, so notttt true.  --  ct
05-22-23:  sitting in a brand-spanking new desk chair, just bought it from staples and it's ten times more comfortable than the old third-hand one that i was using, but the stupid hydraulic system doesn't work right on this shiny new one, within a few minutes you end up in the absolute lowest position, it's a very comfortable chair, buuut... kinda sucks, returning it is going to be a nasty chore, just getting it through the doorways in this old house the first time was a chore... the low height is actually almost perfect for me (i'm down to 5'7), so maybe i keep this one... i dunno, that remains to be seen.  --  ct
05-21-23: i have nothing to write about, this is just an exercise, maybe just one repetition in a set of many, to work some of those muscles hard enough to make a difference down the road... i don't know how the real pros do it, but i've read from more then one writer that they do it everyday, motivated by discipline/commitment to the craft, or motivated by the love/enjoyment of that craft, and any given day the motivation could be one or the other... at this particular moment in time it happens to be the 'discipline' motivator, i'm just writing to write because that's what you do if you want to get any better at it, plain and simple... whatever raw talent and genetics didn't gift to you there is this other thin called practice to help compensate what you can't do very well naturally... and even if you are very good at something naturally, if you enjoy it enough you want to challenge yourself in improving your skills/passions... so anyhow, this isn't a very insightful or edifying post for a reader, it's just me working out a bit, exercising the flow that happens between thinking and typing... the girls are all out shopping, and the son is stationed several hours away, so the house is quiet today, except for the pea-brains riding their extra-noisy bikes down main st, so when it's mostly quiet--like today--it makes for easier writing conditions, less distractions you know... i've got my legs up on the couch, and a heating pad on the hip that was recently repaired, so i'm pretty comfortable, and that makes for better writing conditions, who wants to write sitting on a hard or lumpy chair... i had a decent night's sleep even though i woke up to pee twice, having a decent night's sleep affords your brain the recovery time you need to do anything better, although i've had some creative and inspirational writing binges when i couldn't sleep in the middle of the night, but my point is mostly/statistically sound... despite the phone calls, texts, emails, and the noisy-ass vehicles racing their way along main street, it's a relatively quiet and distraction-free house today, which is conducive to writing... and despite all of those things that i just outlined which make this time ideal for writing, well, well i'm not really going to, i'm just going to do so for the sake of doing so, and nothing else, it's not like i'm really inspired to write something that i'm passionate about, i'm just doing it to do it, you know what i mean... so i don't really have anything to write about, and i'm just writing to exercise the noggin-to-fingertips system, shake-out/dust-off some spider-webs, hit the joints with a grease-gun, and try to keep the writing-juices flowing, and maybe even get a bit better at it while doing so... so this was just an exercise, a repetition in a set, and maybe someday i'll get jacked-up, and maybe i'll express myself with perfectly arranged words wrapped around perfectly sound ideas or stories, and maybe i'll do it well enough to earn a dollar or two, turn the passion into nutrition, clothing, and housing needs... maybe the muscle-head will find a fun/passionate job to utilize the fruits of their muscle-shredding exploits, maybe you were able to find a skill/hobby/interest that you exercised enough to provide a decent living... whatever it is that motivates/excites us enough to explore further, and to exercise, to try to get better at, and accomplish some goal/dream, whatever that might be, maybe that's what we should prioritize, rather than sitting behind some cubicle, or fancy office, maybe we ought to chase passions, but with realistic expectations... i dunno, maybe i shouldn't try to think too much when i'm writing just as an exercise... i've had passions/interests, but was always too scared to chase after them, i also didn't have the resources that allowed me to pursue them without making a zillion other sacrifices to do so... i don't know if i'll ever really find the one passion that will also afford me a monetary-meritocric opportunity for income, i just want some land that i can work now, something i never would have thought about as a young man, when i was young i just wanted to have fun, now that i'm getting older 'fun' seems like a thing that kids do... i should have bought land years ago, with decent land you can grow your own food, raise your own food, even gather your own food, i used to think that having 'a decent job' would earn enough money to pay other people to do the hard-work so i wouldn't have to (actually provide food), but now i'm suspicious that i was naive/ignorant in that philosophy/theory... i'd rather grow it or raise it and trade with others who did the same thing but with other physiological requirements such as food, i think trying to fool yourself into thinking that you are rich enough to live like royalty and simply buy everything that you want/need, well fvck, you go living that delusion all you want to... you know you need food, so why aren't you producing any of it... anyways, look... i don't have much to say today, i'm just writing to write, maybe someday the practice will have paid for itself, until then we exercise, and never think that we are royalty that can afford to have the easiest and best in life, that's for sh1t-heads and softies, learn how to produce as much of your own food as possible, you are 'not above' that sort of work, and it's a skill that everyone should know and exercise because food is a NEED, it's a NECESSITY... let your interest curiosity and passions take you to a fulfilling place, but never forget to prioritize your actual needs, 'Buttercup'... alright, i think that's enough practice for now, i'm about beat... there is imaginary/proverbial 'sweat' dripping from my brow from all of this exercise... with that said, you have no idea how much i'm looking forward to being active again, the hip surgery went well, i'm off the crutches for over a week now, and can't wait until i can start working hard again, the spring has to be my favorite season, and to admire it from the side-line sucks, but i'm getting stronger every day... OK, enough writing, i need something to eat. -- ct

05-21-23 later:  reading a short book called 'practice of the presence of God', it's a good read so far, i'd rather read a good old book in print form (with a decent sized font) over a PDF, but you take what you can get sometimes... it's about a monk named Brother Lawrence, and the peace that he had with God (which i'm sure he still has although in a different form since he passed), he had peace with his relationship with God, and strive'd to be in constant conversation with our creator... my head's been thinking about a zillion things lately, so the reading is slow going, and thats despite the fact that the structure and vocabulary make for a simple read, i make it ten times longer when i try to immerse myself in a story and try to imagine being a part of it, and what the characters are probably like... if i were a monk i'd be the guy brewing the beer, working in the kitchen, or working the garden, well, at least that's what i imagine i'd be doing, but i love when a book sort of draws you in to where you can feel like you're a part of it, and it speaks to you enough to take a different look at certain things, when they minister to you... i haven't formed a decent image of bro-Larry quite yet, but based on the first few chapters 'conversations', it's hard not to like him and view him as a peaceful, humble, and pleasant fellow, who seems to have been one of the rare types that truly prioritized his relationship with God, and found practical and inspirational ways to do that. i'm only a quarter of the way through the book and i'm already recommending it, thanks to the folks at the ctmu for bringing it to my attention, it's a good read... you could probably read through it very quickly, but if you try to immerse yourself in the story, and try to picture brother lawrence then it will take you a bit longer... i've got a heat-pad on my hip, it's been stiff lately and i'm trying to get stretched back out tonight, probably going to bed soon... God bless.  --  ct
05-17-23:  it's weird how the VA did what they did, i'm still considered seventy-percent medically disabled, but now classified as 'un-employable', but benefit-wise it's awfully close to being one-hundred percent disabled... so go figure... they seemed to have confused a couple of things which is obvious based on the 'decision letter', but maybe there is a reason that they chose to do it that way, time will tell, until then it remains to be seen... and honestly it's more of a technicality at the moment, i just want to make sure their notes are accurate, and the 'reasoning' is categorized properly... i didn't get assistance from anyone when i did this, other than some advice from an old Army buddy, and his advice came after i had already submitted everything, i just wanted to let him know that i was at that point where symptoms got bad enough to seek the IU-claim... since the deciders-that-be made the right call the first time through this claim i have to assume that i did the forms correctly, the hardest part of the whole process was traveling a bit to get BP readings three times, and back to back days on the same machine... originally they wanted to me to commute to my choice of a few options, they were all 40-50 min drive each way--who the hell wants to travel over-crowded highways full of distracted drivers for 45 minutes to get a test that takes 5 minutes tops--granted you are supposed to be sitting for 15 minutes before they take it, so 20 minutes, most of which is just killing time... anyways, i hate city driving, even sub-burb driving irks me, so my blood-pressure was most definitely going to be high by the time i got to their office... i'll drive in and out and through cities when i have to, but i hate it, and i Really hated it when it was a M-F regular thing, a typically sane man can entertain the idea of road-rage responses when you waste so many hours behind a crawling auto-mobile and the knuckle-head in front of you is clearly looking down at their phone more than looking at the car in front of them, it's taken me too many years to understand that daily commuting wasn't good for my health... so anyhow, the VA has made the 'claim process' pretty easy, it's easy enough that a person that is pretty capable filling in web-forms and PDFs could do it themselves, it helps if there is documentation for treatments including doctor's notes, you'll also have to be available for some medical exams, but the steps aren't very difficult, if you don't have an account on one of the authentication sites that the VA is cool with then you've got another one-time chore to complete before you start the whole process, it's not difficult if you are decent with a computer and can fill-out web-based forms, it's pretty easy... the VA folks are very particular about some things, but as long as you understand that they are enforcing policy/procedures and do what you can to satisfy the documentation/records that they need then the whole process isn't very difficult, when i got out of the Army in 1991 EVERYTHING was difficult, and the VA system was almost set-up to gaslight and delay rather than do the right thing without stalling, congress must have really allotted a bunch of budget for veteran's care, and processes seemed to have gotten easier too, however, you still need to be an advocate for yourself, if the x-ray didn't show something significant then suggest an arthrogram if it's a joint problem, otherwise they are going to say that everything looks OK, nothing suspicious, so let's do PT for a couple of months and take some ibuprofen and ice as needed... i have nothing against those sound treatments, but an MRI with contrast is probably going to reveal the source of the pain or immobility, if no one knows what's really wrong with your shoulder or knee but they tell you to do PT and take a couple aspirin and call me in two months, well why would you assume that a tear might not get worse, or that impingement won't get worse... anyhow, i understand that there are other factors/variables to consider, but the assumption that an MRI-- or one with contrast-- shouldn't be ordered before PT begins is a shitty proposition, maybe there is a long wait-time for the noisy tubes, or maybe insurance doesn't like spending the money for more expensive tests right away, but i think the patient ought to have them done once x-rays reveal that there aren't any breaks, anyways, that sort of thing bugs me about chronic 'joint pain', OK, i'm done complaining... i'm appreciative that the VA did the right thing, i should have started the process long ago, but i didn't like dealing with the VA other than the healthcare, so the very thought of going through the 'paper-work' and hassle was nauseating and anxiety-triggering... i have plenty of documentation, have an idea how to find what i need, and have the equipment necessary to send and receive electronic documents... that's about all you need in order to get a disability claim going with the VA these days, thirty years ago it would seem like a pipe-dream, but today it's reality... now i just need to get a couple of corrections taken care of, and make sure they classified things the way they did on purpose, or if that was more human-error/mistake, it's really just small details, but if i noticed it i might as well follow-up on it, otherwise i assume that humans didn't make any errors--or never do--we all know that's just a silly thoughts, so i still have to follow back up to make sure they didn't screw up, sometimes they do, they still think it's my right knee that's bumming even though i've had a service-connected injury for the left knee going back thirty years now, sometimes knowing left from right is important, and not a trivial oversight... anyhow, i'm impressed that it only took five months to reach their conclusion given that the PACT-act was passed around the same time triggering a huge avalanche of new disability claims, i'm really surprised that they were able to turn around a sound decision so quickly under those circumstances.  --  ct

05-16-23:  i put this on substack, i should have called it 'kudos to my kid, and everything is political'... here's how i wrote it:

youngest daughter received two scholarships last-night, we knew about one of them, and were completely surprised by the other... the school calls the scholarship sponsors 'community partners'... one of those sponsors used the scholarship opportunity to make a political statement--or maybe a 'philosophical argument'--regarding golf's LIV tour, the gentlemen making the presentation strikes me as a PGA teaching pro given his disdain for the liv-tour along with his vocabulary and demeanor... he made me put my hands over my mouth to hold in a LOL once i realized what he was saying/doing, the points he was making, and the position that he was taking... i don't really give a crap about golf so much these days, but i used to be a passionate addict, i never really had the disposable income to play a rich-man's game like golf, but somehow found the money (or room on a credit card) to fit a round in when the weather was right and i had some time on my hands... i eventually developed a fairly respectable game, but, over the years i've developed some chronic conditions in a few joints that are essential to a decent swing and serious ball-striking, the last couple of times that i tried to play i couldn't swing a club without writhing in pain by the third or fourth hole, so the rest of the time i just threw a ball onto the greens when i got close enough, and just tried to practice putting while my playing buddy (big Tony) and i joked about 'getting old'... anyways, let the rich folks that are heavily vested and passionate compete/war against themselves, so long as there is really no collateral-damage, so long as they leave normal-regular people out of their wars i'm fine with it, but once your silly games spill outside of your boundaries, and inflicting ‘collateral damage’ you become everyone’s problem and need to be contained… it's the world-stage elites that war against each other but have no problem utilizing/exploiting the resources, lives, and futures of 'innocent by-standers', civilians/citizens, and military folks to make their point and to do their dirty-work, those are the types of rich elites that need to be smacked-around to get an appropriate dose of long overdue ego-balancing, when folk's egos get too big and distorted to think clearly and utilize the real 'Golden Rule' then they typically require an exceedingly firm cheek-slap to bring them back to reality (helloo-OOoo world government folks and other entity-possessed dictators world-wide)... the golf guy presented two very generous scholarships to two kids on the golf team read part of their answers to a loaded question which their essays were based upon... i don't care what they answered, or how they answered it, and the golf guy's political-war with liv-tour doesn't bother me either, i was just surprised by it, and got a good chuckle when i began to see the argument that he was framing, the vocabulary he used, and the intended emotional-tugging drama he used to deliver it (i’m actually suspicious that he may have been intoxicated during his presentation/performance)... and for what it’s worth, i happen to share their ‘side’, perhaps not through the same processing-filter/perspectives or reasons, maybe it’s just tribalism, i’m certainly not vested in golf in any way… but i got a good and unexpected chuckle from the gentlemen from one of the local golf courses… wish i could get a round in again one of these days, but it’s probably something between a pipe-dream and a fool’s-errand, or maybe just hoarding, for me to keep the clubs around still, as i’m far too gimpy to even contemplate participating in my former addiction… OK, enough about golf, my own grieving, and the thought-provoking essay question presented to the scholarship participants... because, the reason we were there in the first place was based on the academic merits of my youngest daughter, she gave her school-work a high-priority (unlike her dad), and maintained a very high gpa all four years of high-school (unlike her dad)... super-appreciative of the two scholarships that my daughter was blessed with last-night, she's a hard-working conscientious student that struggled with some nasty adversity while maintaining a very high GPA, she's starting a BA program online in Sept... the scholarships were hard earned and well deserved... well done girl, well done. -- ct

05-16-23 later:  it seems that this website is receiving enough views that i should probably quit with the overly self-deprecating, and silly descriptions, so i'm trying to clean a few things up here and there, polish a few others there and there, you know, editing... i know!  i hate it too! ... but really, i really tried to make this website as undesirable/casual/silly but informative and truthful as possible based on the information that i've consumed, i leave it raw on purpose, but sometimes i'll produce a proper essay just for the exercise... but i'm a board-short, tie-dye, and boat-shoes kind of guy when i'm not in a getting dirty and working mode, and my writing-style reflects my casual demeanor, please don't mistake it for dis-respect, it's just what i'm most comfortable with, i used to wear button-down oxford or polo shirts all of the time, now i despise them... so i'm going to modify some words and descriptions in the next few days, you know, a bit of 'spring cleaning'.  --  ct

05-14-23:  nice mothers day today, wife wanted to visit the art display at exeter town hall (which is a pretty awesome old building), a local artist association gave my youngest daughter a scholarship and invited her to display two photos during the exhibit... then 'mom' wanted a 'game fix' at the local arcade and spent some time rolling the 'skee ball' (sp?) while i met and socialized with some strangers in the axe-throwing section of the game-plex (i don't do well in noisy distracting places and still can't stand for very long after the recent hip surgery)... and for quite a bit of the art show and the whole ride to the arcade we video-called our son who is out of state, he gave us a virtual tour of his current stomping-grounds, which is smack-dab in the middle of a very picturesque and historic environment... and lastly, we had dinner out at one of our favorite food-joints in salisbury, it's a glorified/expanded sport's bar--which started getting a bit loud once the celtics and 76-ers started to play, we enjoyed our meals and left before it got crazy--the food was prepared well, and tasted great... and then, the weather was about as perfect as new england offers--70f, occasional slight breeze, the spring's bright yellow and green trees against a brilliant blue sky... it was a nice day, lot's of smiling folks, quality time with the immediate family, the 'fisherman's catch' didn't disappoint, an axe-throwing stranger bought me a tasty beer, and the weather was perfect in rockingham county.  --  ct
05-12-23: i haven't seen any official paperwork yet, but i think the VA has finally realized what sort of sh!t i've been going through, and i think they did the right thing... i don't want to get ahead of myself here, because i haven't seen the paperwork, but i received an unexpected deposit today from those folks, and the info on the portal said 'retro-active payment', so i think i'm considered 100-percent disabled service-connected veteran now... looking forward to seeing what the official papers will explain, because reading is fun, usually.  --  ct

05-12-23 later:  nice night in rockingham county, we got a dose of summer weather today, and it's cooled off nicely outside, just not in the bedrooms yet, it's still 80 in the particular one that i'm writing from... it's a special night for youngest daughter, glad the expected rain held-off for her event--she did the whole make-up, hair, and fancy dress thing... OK, i'm gonna try to find a fan before i melt, i'm still too weak and gimpy to be dealing with the window A/Cs right now... good night and God bless.  --  ct
05-10-23:  i had to turn down a job offer due to my limitations, that sucks, decent job offers don't grow on trees... but i'm a bit of a unicorn, it would take a remote job that's very flexible to work with my limitations and strengths too, i perform much better when i'm in a quiet environment, it's a bit of a limitation if you don't have a decent degree of self-discipline, but it's a strength for self-starters that do better in non-distracting environments... i've been writing in my haphazard unorganized style for a couple of years now, it's produced a tiny bit of income--i might be totally wrong about this, but i think getting better at it is my only chance of a decent 'job' considering my limitations. -- ct

05-10-23 later:  one of my triggers of disdain is folks that pretend to be engaged but minimally interested and severely distracted... people have been trained to disassociate themselves from reality, and few seem to be incapable of communication that exceeds small-talk... don't ask me any questions at all if you posses the attention-span of a pre-school child, or i'll be happy to communicate in such a way as to accommodate your handicap--like a kid--OK, done venting.  --  ct
05-08-23:  don't look at me, i have nothing to say/write... started a new medicine a little over a week ago, and i may have slept 10-12 hours since then, and the sleep is always at the least opportune times... i've got plenty to be thankful for, and plenty more to complain about, but i don't feel like i can hold a thought long enough to finish it right now... the medicine is actually supposed to make me sleepy at night :-)  --  ct
05-05-23:  star wars freaks loved yesterday as a holiday, but i think 5/5 is much cooler, it's wicked cool, oe of my daughters was born on nine-nine (which is 'no no' in russian), pretty cool... so nothing to really write about today, just writing for the sake of writing--my apologies to the reader--you got stuck reading this space-holder... my hip is better then yesterday, but i also rested it more, part of the problem is that once i got back on my feet i didn't realize how much just getting back on your feet uses a bunch of the muscles that hold your posture in place, and make your hip do what it's supposed to do, and help you to move the way that you want to move, it's weird when you have to be more deliberate about how you move, instead of instinctively just doing it... it's hard to fathom the idea of how to move, movement is generally something that we take for granted unless we are trying to learn, or master a skill, or recovering from an injury... it's so weird... before i forget, happy weekend to all of you m-thru-f'ers, happy weekend to you... so Mother's Day is coming up, it also happens to be the one year anniversary of my own mother's death, she survived her major ailments until about 16:00 on mother's day last year, i still don't have the finances to honor her the way that i'd like to (her life insurance lapsed, and i didn't do a go-fund-me), so i'm still not sure how things will go, but i was thinking about an early mother's Day morning gathering to spread her ashes at the beach, and most folks will probably already have mother's day plans after that, there is a remote chance that i'll be able to fund a brunch at a local winthrop eatery, but time will tell, it's about time to put closure on her desires, and get her ashes off of the tv-stand, although i don't think she minds her remains just sitting around, she's got other things to be thinking about now... God bless you mom, i hope the after-life is every bit enjoyable as it sounds like.  --  ct
05-04-23:  PT was rough today, she didn't push me too hard, but some of the muscles are tightening up pretty quickly, and that becomes exhausting in a hurry, can't wait until i can do some hard-core stretching again... Donna sees--and noted--lot's of improvements, but i still feel like a gimp who is learning to walk again, over fifty years after learning how to do it the first time... my current walking mechanics are all goofed-up, think of a peg-legged pirate that just finished his weekly allotment of rum in one sitting, that's how walking feels right now, it feels a bit abnormal... like a farmer that got kicked by some live-stock, or a pimp recovering after trying to hold his turf, i feel like that guy, there are one-year-olds that maneuver more efficiently than me, am i'm just starting to notice it ;-) ... so here's a bit of advice for folks that are getting some type of surgery, keep in mind any other chronic condition that you have, because there is a chance that your recovery from surgery is going to put more stress on the next 'weakest link'... i got the hip repaired because there was stuff in there that wasn't just getting better, just worse, but it's hard to fathom that the crutches that are required for a month or so after hip surgery is going to make other body parts feel worse, but it happens, i didn't need the oxy-medicine for the part that was surgically repaired, but i needed it for the upper extremities that were also gimpy, and the crutches beat them up pretty bad... as it stands right now, i got a cortisone shot in one of my shoulders a week ago, which is starting to help, and then i see another specialist about what to do with my gimpy wrist sometime next week, i think i'd rather my wrist get repaired first, the shoulder can probably wait a bit, but if the shoulder were repaired first i'd have to learn to be a lefty, and the left wrist would already be compromised/gimpy, good luck efficiently wiping me arse under those circumstances, i'll have dingle-berries down to my calfs if that's the case, they will spread like dandelions... so it looks like my recovery is going well after surgery, it doesn't feel like it to me right now, but my Elvis-joint is getting stronger every day, my right ass is pretty darn weak, that's the resonating thought stewing in my mind.  --  ct

05-04-23 later: [holy smokes, i shouldn't have taken control of a keyboard this early in the morning with just a few hours of broken sleep]  i  find myself forever on a pursuit of inquisitive truth-seeking, i think i'm hitting the high-marks, and disseminating truth analysis ( through my exceedingly-limited intel)...sometimes, i like to extract the underlying truth via the passion/mission of those whose missions were to pass-along uselefull/critical infrormation, sometimes folks become career/literal /marters based on awakeness and backbone strength to pass along important information.... i'm a bit huting, and need th stretch a few nuscle-groups, but i ourshe those muscle-groups to exhaustion multiplem tmies today/yesterday... its four:almost normal folks are asleep, but some are already up and about ti get inti their routines... i havenompreconceptionsmotnwhat defines normal, but as a dad, i consider all of there 'enjoyable/defenseless' situations, gotta run
05-01-23:  so this is what May is like... hmmm, feels weird, it feels different, it feels a lot like a monday in many respects, but different... so far may feels a lot like mondays... pretty weird, right?  And equally weird is that it feels a lot like a wet and windy day in rockingham county, so weird... i didn't know how May was going to feel, i thought lots about it really, i though long and hard, rubbed a few neurons together to model/compute some expectations of may, and guess what, it just feels like a windy and overcast spring day in rockingham county, i know, weird, right?  it's not quite 11:am, so it might feel different in a while, so i won't make hasty opinions and assume that this is always how may will feel, it could feel quite different... i wonder what it will feel like then... OK, done goofing around for now, i just finished the may-chores for the blog, archived april's page, and changed the 'current' page to reflect the new month... probably won't write much today, i've got some house-chores and physical therapy planned for most of it.  --  ct

05-01-23 later:  Taco-Tuesday baby... don't judge me, you know you want some too... off to PT, but made the decision for tacos, and now it's penned-in to the schedule... somewhat of an emotional day, emotions regarding situations that i can't control, hence the stress... the day is actually going very well, but life is life, and it really know's how to fling some feces on occasion, and today is one of those magical occasions :-)  tacos, something to look forward to, sour cream and everything, the whole works.  --  ct
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