...if folks are curious enough about this website or about me as a person they might end up poking around and ending up here, reading some blog entries/posts, blog posts are where i write about most of the real things that are important to me, and about other things to, sometimes things that bother me for some reason, and i also write about other silly ego revealing things that nobody needs to waste their time reading... but mostly its where i write about things that i think are important somehow, i'm not a professional anything, so there will be ignorance written below, but i trust that the reader can discern the baby from the bathwater, i do hope to stimulate your noggin enough to do some of your own research using your own critical-reasoning... i write for my own health, and to my offspring/kids, and to anyone else that cares to read. --  ct
 April 2023
04-30-23:  it's another soggy day in rockingham county, but the spring rain is appreciated, and then there's that 'april showers which bring may flowers', so we got that going for us...
04-29-23: it's almost May, may and June are typically stressful for us as a family, same as August and September... those are transition months for folks who are affected by the academic k-12 school year, our third/last child is going to be graduating from our local public school, and it's not quite as hectic around the house now that it's only one kid going through her final year of primary school, she is going to be taking an online-program in september, but the transition isn't stressful this year, i suppose it could/should be, but she is graduating with high honors, and hasn't fallen behind in any of her classes, coming-up with the loan for half of her tuition that federal-backed student loan isn't going to cover will be an interesting challenge, but it's not a stressor per-se, it's just simply the next step/challenge in the process for getting secondary education... so i'm bringing it up to say that this is a sentimental May that we are about to enter, her last day of class is the end of the month, and it will be three kids completed k-12 in Sandborn district... Hannah tried a few years of college but was discouraged when she didn't adapt very well to online-only which was forced by covid-mandates, she's been working full-time ever since... september will be Josiah's second year of USMC, he said he might want to go to a trade school when he get's out... Laura and Hannah are child-care folks who are both willing to relocate... so after sarah formally graduates in june we are more or less freed-up to move... there are adequate housing opportunities that my seventy-percent VA-disability benefits would cover, the kids don't have to stress over housing, but they will be subjected to straight-up change :-) i've endured almost ten years living on main street, and the noises that comes with it, so i require more quiet... time will tell what i'll be capable of doing from an employment perspective, i can't do anything physical for at least five more months as far as the hip is concerned, and time will tell if the cortisone injection is going to help my shoulder function, but at the moment i can't really lift anything over my head, Dr Ben might be buying me some pain-reducing time/options before i'd be ready for another surgery, it's a six-month recovery for the hip, and then there is the wrist, it would be interesting to see what options the arm-lady thinks will be useful, i have an MRI report to bring to my first meeting with Heather, they have the x-ray a few doors down the hall--so there's that... anyhow, like i was saying, it will be interesting to see what limitations i'll have going forward... i'd like to have a relatively physical job, but current conditions prohibit that, even if i have to quit doing physical stuff and end-up stuck doing some online/remote work i still have some limitations/challenges, but it's possible to get a part-time remote job... but even if that's the case in the future, i still have to find a way to keep moving, i'd love to be able to smash a tennis ball around again, an hour or two chasing the ball and smashing it is probably my most fun/favorite way to exercise, i don't know how realistic that is, but Dr Ben is a sports-medicine guy, if he thinks that i should be able to hit some ground-strokes and leave-out the smashing then i'll try to give it a shot again, i just assumed that i had to stop doing certain things that i enjoyed because they hurt too much, if a sports-specialist can actually get me back to a point where i could start doing some of the things that brought me joy and got my heart-rate up then i'll make it a goal to try to do them again, i want to be able to operate a small family farm/homestead, and there is plenty of labor involved in such an endeavor, but to be able to play some sports again would be icing on the cake... i'm an idiot for not addressing these 'chronic conditions' more fervently in the past, i should have been a stronger advocate for myself instead of settling for doctors that didn't understand 'impingement', they just said the x-rays didn't show any abnormalities, they ought to automatically do MRIs (maybe even with dye/contrast) when x-ray reports comes back showing no abnormalities, and that's because the x-ray alone couldn't explain/see what the source of the problem was, sometimes you need magnets too :-) ... so i don't know what my limitations are going to be, but i want to maximize my potential... and with all of this physical whining i'm not even going into the seventy-percent ptsd disability thing, there is something regarding employ-ability that goes with some of those types of chronic conditions, and that remains to be seen, insomnia is probably the worse of those symptoms, the insomnia has a cascading/domino-effect that shouldn't require explaining, but things like chronic head-aches and tension in the neck and back, brain-fog, sub-par performance in pretty much any job you could think of, i'm not even safe to drive when dealing with a shitty night's sleep, and it happens enough that i understand the threat, i've fallen asleep behind the wheel more than once during a commute... anyways... nothing else to complain about today... just getting sentimental about mile-stones that are coming up, it's weird to consider life that isn't effected by the public-school calendar, my youngest is graduating.  --  ct
04-27-23:  nothing to offer anyone right now, but for my own notation it's worth mentioning that i got my first cortisone injection in my right shoulder today, it'd be sweet if that's all i need to be able to function at the level that the rest of my body is capable of, the balance that athletes strive for... i'll take a shot over surgery if that's what really helps, and if it doesn't, and if surgery is really required then maybe the time between now and when i get surgically repaired gives modest pain relief, maybe the shot is all i really need to help move forward, but i'm going to move forward as a capable person with some wear-n-tear should expect, pain, freedom comes with a certain dose of pain, the longer we deal with pain the longer we deal with i'ts symptoms, pain is a symptom that yields many other symptoms, finding the root-cause and fixing the compromise/damaged tissue is paramount to 'fixing' a structural problem, wished the army considered such logic when i was a young man... anyways, hope the steroid-shot helps, my shoulder is bumming otherwise.

04-27-23 later:  not sure how to really say it, but i think Ben did (executed) a great job repairing my hip... Ben strikes me as the kind of guy that does't require quo-dos, but as an outsider that never had surgery of an kind i would opine from novice experience that Ben executed his job as surgeons hope, so far my recover is going well and there is nothing to attribute that to but an awesome/skilled surgeon, and the better side of genetics, i'm along for the ride, and totally looking forward to some good old-fashioned hard-core sweat inducing work/conditioning movement... i would have loved the crew at core-orthopedics back when i was a twenty-something, i appreciate them even more with the wisdom and limitations that comes as a fifty-something, i have a lot of life to offer my family and society, it seems ridiculous to forfeit the positive attributes that you still have to offer the world based on annoying/chronic conditions, but it remains a factor/variable... thankful for the work that Dr Ben executed, and that he is one of the folks that uses his God-given talents to serve other people, and to help us regain some sort of assumed capabilities... i don't know whats more difficult, learning to move, or learning your limitation of moving, they both must be difficult in their own right... right? -- ct
04-22-23:  spoke with some of my favorite--yet distant--people today, and hours of close-proximity interaction with three more of my favorite people, love my immediate family, and glad/thankful to have quality conversation with them today... probably won't write much, today is more of a reading day... my hip is recovering/healing well, no pain, just weakness, still some inflammation, awkward feeling/sensation in parts of the hip and leg, walking/moving mechanics are off, and the wrist and shoulder problems are stressing the chronic conditions on the left and right sides, and that stress is actually the predominately painful areas, not the hip that just got cut, probed, separated, grinded, drilled, and stitched a couple of weeks ago... so go figure... but it's a strong indicator that the Doc executed the procedure very well, and it's up to the PT folks, and i to do the rest... Doc Ben seems to really want me to maximize the potential that i still have, and is pretty confident that i can reach it, so the healing is going well, i get a bit tired on PT days, the sessions don't kick my ass, but i find myself pretty weak/exhausted by dinner-time on PT days, and i appreciate it, i'm recovering pretty quickly from those days, so they haven't really been set-backs, it's just recovering from some conditioning type of feeling... if the doc can do a good of a job on my shoulder then i might actually have some tennis in my future, i haven't played in almost a decade, but it used to be my favorite way to exercise and try to progress/improve, if the hip gets strong, and the shoulder too, well shooot son, i might be able to do things that i just thought weren't even possible five or ten years ago... but i really want to be able to labor on some land when we move, that's probably my biggest aspiration, i love sport/exercise, but for all practical purposes i want to be able to be capable around a homestead/small farming operation, i have to be able to move pretty well and be pretty strong to really consider that... i probably won't be kicking or punching a heavy bag again, but i can regain some strength and mobility, and get the cardio-vascular systems conditioned to do some fun stuff going forward.   -- ct
04-21-23:  if you look at the photo about half-way down the article you will see the type of ufo that i saw back in my thirties close to chicago, basically metallic-looking spheres, something like what we call 'brushed aluminum' today, they weren't polished like mirrors, they were 'matte'... i saw two of them (maybe aliens or their probes like a wing-man too), i watched the pair for a minute or two before they moved away at an extraordinary rate of speed... they hovered a bit like they were checking something out, and then they moved in a way that current military air-craft aren't capable of... not sure how big they really were, they actually could have been very small, but from my view/perspective i couldn't even guess at the true size of them... i don't know what they were 'looking' at, it probably wasn't me, but it seemed like it at the time, but there were lot's of things around me to look at too, so i won't be so vane as to assume it was me... they were pretty cool to look at, and they way they moved off together was the most impressive aerial feat that i've ever witnessed... i wasn't under the influence of anything, and had exceptional eye-sight... anyways, just wanted to comment on the picture from the article... cheers.  --  ct
04-19-23:  ... moved the post to it's own page, where i'll try to finish in the near future.  --  ct
04-16-23:  happy sunday... it's a bit cool in rockingham county, it's actually seasonal, around 55 today, just not the summer appetizer that we experienced the last few days, it would be a great day to do some work outside, but that's not going to happen for a couple/two-three weeks or so... the landlady had her great-grandsons helping out in the yard yesterday, they got up a bunch of leaves that i never finished in the early winter, i went out and hung with them yesterday for a bit when i realized that the sound of a leaf-blower was actually in the backyard, i can't wait to get outside and start moving again... looking forward to tuesday's post-op appt, see what the Doc thinks about the hip, and whether i can start ball-room dancing and hula-hooping again... i don't really do either of those things, but showering would be nice, i'd like to do that again real soon, same with walking down to the store... i've made the trek to the store a couple of times with the crutches last week, it sucks, but it feels refreshing to get out and move... i was hoping to lose a few pounds during my recovery, but that doesn't really work when you hardly move, or when you have near constipation, those things make losing weight a fool's errand, unless i starved myself for a couple of weeks, but starving isn't a great way to recover/heal, you know, nutrition and stuff... going to watch another movie in a bit, my dad recommended a couple of funny movies, The Birdcage delivered, it was pretty funny, Hank Azaria should have won best supporting actor... 'would choo like some souuup?', too funny... i wouldn't do well in south beach, i don't look good in a speedo anymore, maybe to a tiger-shark, but not to people... anyways, dad made a good call, i laughed a bunch... not sure what you (the reader) is doing today, but i sincerely hope you enjoy the rest of the weekend, and you are able to make some good memories of it into the future... God bless.  --  ct

04-16-23 later:  feeling a bit disappointed, apparently i held some illogical expectations that weren't met... also feeling more like a dependent than a capable adult... it's been a humbling afternoon.  --  ct
04-14-23:  not quite sure when my life got so boring that complaining about physical ailments seemed right... and i'm not going to bore you with today's gripes, but i've got plenty of them... one of which is wearing these compression-socks, these things either suck, or they are brilliant (i haven't decided yet myself)...anyways, today's appt with the eye-Doc was great, the plaque build-up in the back of my eye hasn't gotten worse, but it hasn't broken up yet either, so it's still a thing... i think i walked a mile or more at the VA hospital in NH, i was exhausted and glad to put my feet up when i got back home... i'm about beat, looking forward to getting healthy and strong again, not sure what i'll be capable of then, but's got to be more then double of where i was a year or two ago, i can't wait to beat dirt in the yard again, even if i'm a step or two slower then my prime... so look, i'm about run down, and somewhat appreciating the time off my feet to recover and re-group, but i can't wait until i can move vigorously and without concern or pain again, i might just have something left to offer the world and make a dollar or two, the sad alternative is that 'the world' is stuck with my words and diatribes only, that's pretty fvcking boring if you ask me... anyways, today was good, it was crazy-hot for rockingham county in april, it approached ninety again, for two days in a row... OK, God bless and thanks for your concerns and prayers, prayers are better than concerns, but concerns usually trigger prayer, so i'm not complaining about either, so, thank you  --  ct
04-13-23: wow, i really let loose on substack comments today, i shouldn't write when i'm taking something that impairs... but, i didn't make any false statements, i just wrote something a bit harsh is all, but the thing that actually bothers me is that i don't remember what article pushed/triggered me to write it, it seems like some BLM and antifa-tactics going on with trans folks lately, no one likes militants but other militants or their ma-ma's... it's weird that they attack religious folks for not being tolerant to psychotic and delusional behavior, most religions are supposed to be about truth, not just rituals or fairy-tails, and even folks that may not consider themselves as 'religious' can still recognize reality when they see it, that's because reality is usually self-evident... anyways, i really let loose on substack with a comment, but i decided to leave it up and then expand on it with a follow-up comment... the first one was started in frustration to lack of viewers for the late easter post, and then i may have listened to some news or a pod-cast about militant trans-folks (no one likes militants and trouble-makers), and it turned into the rant that you can read for yourself on my free substack, i threw-out some f-bombs... but i'm not employable and i have no need for sponsors or editors to reign-in my behavior, so, it's not too bad really... i'm getting a bunch of viewership on this blog lately, but not so much on the substack, weird... my hip is healing/recovering well, they put in consults for shoulder surgery (probably artho-scope based procedures to repair impingement along with rotator-cuff repair), and a consult with a hand surgeon to see if there is anything they can do with my wrist... it'll be good to talk to some specialists to see what they could offer for treatment/repair/whatever, looking forward to getting healthy again, i still have a lot under the hood and fifty-something is too old to be handi-capped (the insomnia is debilitating enough)... looking forward to getting some of these old-injuries/gimpy-joints healthy again, getting healthy will probably required sticking around NH for a bit longer then i'd like, i have to be able to move if we are going to move, and my wrist and shoulder aren't up to the task/strain, not sure when they will be ready to stress once again (i'm chomping ath the bit wanting to finish the patio outside too).  --  ct
04-10-23:  been sort of blogging about my recovery from surgery on substack, it's right about here: https://christophernews.substack.com/p/my-prediction-pain ... it's going quite well, the surgeon did a great job (as far as i can tell/feel), it was probably easy/routine for him, but as far as being the recipient of his skillful work is concerned, i think he gave me several more years of being able to do some physical chores/tasks/endeavors, that's what i think... so i'm getting ready to bed down now, tonight's tortellini is sitting well within my guts, so i'm a happy camper right about now... good night and God bless.  --  ct
Easter 2023:  i don't think i've 'shared my conversion story' with very many people, its a bit unorthodox compared to many of my christian friends/brothers/sisters (everything about my life screams unorthodox except that i married like many folks today don't like to do)... so, 'what is a conversion story'? you might ask... i don't know what it really means, but i'll call it: a spiritual/meta-physical epiphany, it's the pico-second in time where you realize that you were missing/misunderstanding/ignoring something important regarding Ultimate Reality (a term coined by C. Langan), and the reality of God, and that you've been 'missing it' for quite some time, and holy-smokes, it's time to get on-board with God already, because it's his world that we live in, and we are just sensor/controller-participants in God's giant universe, and on this tiny little planet that he chose for us to reside, maintain, and to flourish while we are still flesh... that's sort of like your 'moment of conversion', and maybe it's not quite that big as i describe, maybe it's a moment when you realize that you've been a selfish asshole, and you start treating people differently (maybe with earnest interest and respect, that's one way to tell if someone is really connected to God, everyone can touch on the asshole-meter from time to time, but the folks who reside there are probably still 'missing it')... some folks call it a 'come to Jesus moment', that's a good way to describe a reunion with our creator/father/universe/God, you've finally accepted reality for what it is, and are ready to give God his proper place/respect/acknowledgement in all parts of your life (although some parts of our lives take longer to conform to God's expectations than others)... hold on, let me get this straightened-out a little bit more before i go on... right, pardon this interruption, but there are a couple of things that i want to mention before i go much further...
... Christianity, i don't know what it really means, but i'm going to define it this way, 'the practice of an individual to live their lives based on the basic principles/teachings/actions/behavior/example of Jesus the Nazarene', and keeping in mind that Jesus wasn't preaching and teaching some new radical 'religion', he was always pointing people toward 'God his father' (his message was that God wants our hearts/fellowship/relationship), and being mindful of God our father in our thoughts, words, and actions... Jesus spoke the words (Logos) of God, and was mindful of God in all that he did... if you read through a christian bible you will notice that Jesus quotes 'old testament' (Abrahamic/Jewish) scriptures/verses/passages, because he was born a Jew, and his earliest ministry was to Jewish people/descendants/practitioners although he hung around with folks from all different backgrounds over the course of his time on earth (ministry), he brought words from God to mankind, and those words were not confined to the Jew, and there were no 'christians' yet, so he explained the concepts of God our Father in terms that all people from all backgrounds and religions should understand, God did not limit his words/messages to the nation of Israel, his message 'went viral' as you might say, the logic of Jesus's words - God's words - spread to various nations and religions/cultures/traditions... OK, so that's the most you're going to get from me today regarding that part... there is this whole other part/aspect to christianity, and that's regarding the actual person of Jesus... i'm not exactly sure how much significance there is the physical and meta-physical genetics of Jesus, some folks would say that everyone must understand that Jesus was half God, that He was part of God that became flesh (i think we all are), that it's imperative to understand that Jesus is somehow part of God's 'trinity', and that God spoke inception to a 'virgin', and she brought-forth/carried/delivered that child that God spoke into existence, and those events satisfied some criteria for Jesus to actually be the 'messiah' that was prophesied about thousands of years earlier through the abrahamic prophets... i don't really know what to think about all of that sometimes... that stuff might be important to learn about, maybe we should learn that, maybe we should 'understand that', i don't know, i'm not a religious professional, i might be a bit religiousy, but i'm certainly not a credentialed anyone really (which is why i recommend the reader to do their own research/study if anything that i write about interests you, you were given intelligence for a reason, and it wasn't to blindly follow anyone without applying logic)... so look, maybe some of those aspects of christianity are important, maybe they aren't so important, but here's another one...
... ok, another one... another thing about christianity that may, or may not be important is 'how one goes about getting officially connected to God'... ok... good... nice topic, but i don't really know... but i'll let you know what i remember from the earliest days of my conversion... there was something to do about a concept that everyone is born with the capacity to do good, and to do harm, and that harm was called 'sin', way-back-when the Israelites would have to offer 'sacrifices' to 'atone for their sins', other cultures from around the world do some sort of sacrifices to their concept of God (or gods) as well... so there was this concept that Jesus wasn't just a teacher/prophet/messiah, he was also the 'ultimate atonement' for our sins, and that Jesus death sentence was actually pre-ordained by God our father, and that Jesus became a 'sacrificial lamb' of sorts to be man's atonement for our sins, and that somehow sins are things that sort of separate us from God, and so we need to make some sort of purposeful commitment to let Jesus be your actually atonement for your own personal sins, and to actually be some sort of conduit for God, and that you somehow verbalize that desire, and invite Jesus/God/Holy-Spirit into your heart/life, something like that... i don't know what to think about all of that actually, i've met plenty of people who have done no such thing but you know they are connected to God the father somehow, someway... but, then again, maybe i'm wrong, i'm plenty wrong about plenty of things, and sometimes thats before i even get out of bed in the morning... so, you know, look that stuff up on your own if it sounds interesting or important or controversial, don't be lazy and just read my little stories and opinions and recollections... so that's what i sort of remember, anyhow... so now back my own/personal 'conversion story'...
... right, back to that again, i don't know if 'my own personal conversion' is a precisely worded term, i think 'my spiritual-epiphany/awakening' might be more like it... so, if you want to get an idea of who/what i was like prior to my 'come to Jesus moment' then watch this little gem of a clip, it's some Army-buddies and i, it was filmed by Andy Mendoza of IL back in 1990, be warned, i was intoxicated/impaired/medicated and goofing around with the guys doing a bit of an acting routine... in the video you will find a heavily-bandaged 20-yr old subject, despite my ego--which suffered no deficit/shortage--i wasn't very confident, still required 'approval/acknowledgement' of others, desperately trying to learn from mentors and peers alike, i liked to be silly, relax with some beer (and sometimes shots), but i was also too judgemental and could be a real punk when i thought certain situations warranted it... since the time the video was taken (the beginning of ptsd) 1990, and up until the time that i had my own personal come-to-Jesus-moment i went into a depression, i was emotionally numb most of the time, where anger and humor were the only exceptions to typical numbness... i found a retail place that gave me a sales opportunity, and taught me how to string and customize tennis racquets, i spent most of my money on bills and medicine (alcohol at the time), and only felt like i could loosen-up and 'be me' after a few drinks, i was pretty socially withdrawn, i'd rather be in the company of a few close friends than in crowded noisy distracting places, i tried to go to big social or entertainment events but it took me too long to figure out that i don't do well in them, i'd do great in them if it were a security event that i was working, but not as a 'participant' (over-stimulation from hyper-vigilance)... anyhow, i just described a lot of people in their early-twenties, really, so here's some more... when i joined the army it was my intention to save my money, and buy a pizza and sandwich/sub joint with my high school buddy John R., then, after my accident 2.5 years later i wanted to become a family doctor, but once i got home i spent most of my money on bills, and had to provide my own income for rent and everything else that life throws at you, the Army GI-bill and College-fund pays the student directly, but the student uses the money for school-costs, not housing/life costs (unless you live with parents or something?), i remember wanting to pay-off a couple of credit cards, and wanting to purchase a computer before i started school, i also remember that i want to be able to cut-down on my work-hours because i'm not the brightest bulb in the bunch, many times i need to read something three times before i retain it whereas some folks can read something once and 'get it', i have to work hard for studies and knew that i needed to carve-out the time to do so when school started up... so i caved into pressure to start school before i had done the preparations that i just mentioned, in hind-sight i should have taken a math refresher course before i began full-time study because i was four years removed from high school when i started college, and didn't remember a lick of math by the time i took chemistry and biology 101 classes (that sucked)... i remember having chronic head-aches back then, if i didn't have a head-ache then something was weird, i remember my knees being too sore to play tennis, and even though my golf game was coming around i couldn't afford to play anymore, which was probably good, because my lower-back and right shoulder were dealing with chronic tension (my tendon-tear might have already happened by then)... i remember feeling like nothing in life was going as i thought that it should be going, everything was too difficult, nothing was easy... i was attending friday night bible studies with another high school buddy named Steve, Steve was all 'gun-ho' about 'religion' over the past so-many months, and since he and i were going to be room-mates in the future i might as well see what he was up in a fuss about... these bible folks Brian and Jacqui B., Jim and Patricia D. and some others were talking about connecting with God in a way that i never knew was possible, and that Jesus was somehow instrumental in doing so... OK, time for a break...
... so like i said, i don't know how much of what i wrote above is really important to consider/know/understand to be a christian, or to connect back to God, i don't know how significant any of it really is, that's all stuff that God can remind me of, or show me, and he'll do the same for you if you want to earnestly start acknowledging God, and prioritizing him and his expectations in your own life, but that's not what i'm really talking about today, today i'm just talking about what happened with me... so after suffering chronic muscle and joint pain, chronic head-aches, chronic insomnia, depression, anxiety, and panic attacks for about three or four years i had a decent night planned with a couple of my friends, they are brothers, their parents were out of town with their younger siblings, so we hung out at their place and had a night with movies, beer, cannabis, and psychedelic-mushrooms... oh, got to run again...
... pardon the interruption, i just ran out to ME and back (visited with in-laws to celebrate Easter)... so the night that my friends and i were hanging out at their place and had eaten some mushrooms, well certain things started to come together, my ego was never inflated to the degree where i thought i was perfect, i knew i was flawed, and didn't have as much self-control as folks that i admired, part of my prayer was written directly into the movie 'caddy-shack' ... 'i want to be good', that was literally my prayer for years, 'God, i want to be good, but i don't know how to many times, i just want to be good', it was something like that, i think... and some other things that i heard the friday-night bible-study folks talk about, something about Jesus being some 'savior', and something about him being atonement for our sins, and something about asking him 'into your heart/life/being, yeah, there was something about that too... and so i don't know... something about what i had experienced during my mushroom trip was life-altering, something about those few hours that i lay awake on the sofa in the back room that changed my perspective about a bunch of different things, but i remember telling God that i wasn't very good at managing my own life, so if he wouldn't mind helping me i'd appreciate it... and i remember telling God that i want wanted Jesus in my life, and that i wanted to be one of those folks whose sins he atoned for, i remember that much... and then after praying that stuff i remember the sensation of what felt like things leaving my body, it felt like sin was literally exiting my body, at least that's what it felt like... i remember waking up the next morning and having to write down some notes about the things that i thought about the previous night... the two most prevailing things were that i was very materialistic, and that i needed God to be a bigger part in my life... that was my come to Jesus moment, i was buzzing from beer, probably toked from a joint or two, and the mushrooms, well, i ate a bunch of them that night... somehow during the whole experience i came away with two things, i was materialistic, and i needed God, it was one of the most valuable experiences in my life, as unorthodox as it may have been, God can sober you up and cut through the impairment in a second (that was another take-away)... i don't have too much more to say on the subject right now, but i'll tell you that life took a different direction after that night, there was a certain feeling of 'being lighter', lighter on my feet, less stressful reactions to pretty much everything, a new sense of purpose, a new sense of priorities, and i couldn't wait to talk to God, God was the last thing that i spoke to before i went to bed, and the first thing that i spoke to the moment i woke up, and as often as possible in between, also experienced far less headaches... i don't know what else to say on the matter, i'm just telling you like it was, and how certain things happened, how certain events unfolded to become a very beneficial moment in my lifetime, that's all i'm saying... that moment impacted my life about as much as getting married, and being there for the birth of our kids... no one says that you need psychedelic mushrooms to have your come-to-jesus-moment, but i'm a bit unconventional... i want to leave you with an essay that i read the other day, i'm still awaiting permission to re-publish the full-text, but i don't think the writer is concerned with folks re-distributing, i'll apologize and pay them if necessary... here it is:

Mega Foundation Press
Apr 6, 2023
The rewards are immeasurable

 Living a God-centered life is a process of following the teachings of Logos and aligning our will with God’s Will (Teleology). It requires a commitment of time, energy, meditation, and prayer. But, once we've earnestly begun to follow the principles of living a God-centered life, we are on the path to finding Inner Peace. In fact, most people will feel a burden lifted when they make the decision to live a teleologic life.

 In the Christian tradition, some celebrate this renewed commitment as being “born again”. They may join or renew their activity in a church or other spiritual group, even participate in a second baptism or another ritual to celebrate the event. This is wonderful but not at all necessary. All that is required to live a teleologic life is to earnestly make that commitment and renew it through daily thought and action.

Keeping faithful to God

 Some say that the Kingdom that is referred to by Jesus in the Bible is the paradise we can create here on Earth if everyone lived a teleologic lifestyle. That may be a preferable interpretation. We don't have to wait for Christ; we integrate the teachings of Christ and emulate them in our daily behavior, and the Kingdom will follow.

 This means that we behave ethically and spread God's love and truth. It is also important to avoid adopting the attitudes of the world, and instead, find ways to serve society and spread Truth without necessarily becoming embroiled in dubious aspects of society. In addition, without necessarily proselytizing, we should be open and honest about our beliefs and put our words into action.

 We developed the CTMU Teleologic Living Plan to make it easier to follow a teleologic way of life, no matter one’s base faith. There are already some pretty good plans to follow, such as Christianity or Buddhism. Discover where your group’s shortcomings might reside by examining it’s doctrine, liturgy, and practice in order to understand its core belief structure and how it relates to the core levels of the CTMU Teleologic Living Plan and the CTMU model of reality. By studying and understanding the core structure of reality, we can most clearly appreciate our role on each level of stratified self.

Making yourself available to God

 Making yourself available to God, or Source, is an essential part of living a teleologic life. This practice was exemplified by Brother Lawrence, a 17th-century monk who wrote a book on how to practice being in the presence of God.1 Brother Lawrence also wrote letters to people from all walks of life. In these letters, he taught us to make ourselves available to God in everyday life.

 Making yourself available to God is a process that starts with God inviting you into his kingdom. It is important to remember that God does not give up on you; he is simply inviting you into His life. Most people find that when they engage in this process, they see signs they may have been missing before. The more you do it, in combination with detoxing and improving one’s overall physical health, the greater the connection you will enjoy with Our Creator. It will also help us in finding answers in our personal lives.

Spiritual nourishment

 Spiritual nourishment comes in many forms, from prayer to studying the Bible, from fellowship with believers to fellowship with others. In some instances, you can nourish your soul by reading Scripture or simply extending your hand in mercy. Even a phone call or handwritten letter can enrich your spiritual life.

 God created the world, and the natural world nourishes our spirit. We feel closer to God when we spend time in nature, away from the hustle and bustle of the city. The richness of God's creation fills the void within us and nourishes our soul, mind, and body.

 When we seek God, He reveals Himself. The truths He speaks are eternal. He calls them "the bread of life" and "living water." We must listen in humility and receive God's instruction. Though we may start the process of learning about God through study, we must understand that study and reason alone cannot reveal the things of God. Strengthening our personal connection enhances our focus and adds dimension to our understanding of Ultimate Reality.

Divine love

 Divine love is a powerful tool for living a God-centered life. It is the essence of God. Those who are in the presence of God exhibit love in the way they treat others. According to the apostle Paul, those who are devoted to the Lord will demonstrate a spirit of forbearance, charity, and beneficence. They will not judge another by their appearance, position, or possessions. They will also not be unapproachable or cold to their fellow man, and they will not yield their self-control to others.

The mystery of divine love is revealed in the ministry of our Lord Jesus Christ. His self-sacrifice and substitutionary death reveals the secret of love.

Outline of the Teleologic Living Plan and Other Resources

1 https://theythoughtforthemselves.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/PracticeofthePresenceofGod.pdf

... OK, i just wanted to make sure that folks could read the full text, i'd invite the reader to check out the CTMU substack: https://megafoundation.substack.com/

... i hope you enjoyed your weekend, whether you celebrate Easter, Ramadan, Passover, or anything else, i hope you enjoyed your special time with friends, family, and like-minded people that appreciate, and embrace the reality of God, i hope you touched on the fringe of his garments in the last few days,i hope that you entered into some type of worship/meditation/prayer/ritual that connected you to God, and brought you peace in the way that only God offers... peace-out.  --  ct
04-08-23:  i've been impaired much of the day, took a pain-pill, so i had a light lunch and watched top gun maverick, not a bad flick... i'm getting a bit more confidence back--in regards to my hip, trying to keep shifting weight on the pelvis, but only twenty-percent weight on the right side, there is an art to walking that way with crutches, and i might start to get good at it by the time the crutches are no longer needed, right now i have a love/hate relationship with my crutches, i wanted to love them at first, and now that i know that i don't--i realize that i'm dependent on them, but i loathe the things... my right leg and ass-cheek still has a bit of fluid left in it, not sure how long that's supposed to last for, the incisions/stitches are good, the skin around them is still irritated from the tape that held the gauze covering in place, that tape HURT when the Physical Therapist took it off the other day, my blood-pressure must have spiked fifty points when she got the last two sides off, 'GOOOOLLEEEE' is what i think i said (hopefully not very loudly)... my shoulder (AC joint) hurts more than the incision sites/hip, i use it a ton and it's taking a beating, the crutches are beating it up (i see a Doc on Wed about it)... tomorrow is Easter, looking forward to spending time with family... OK, got to go. -- ct
04-07-23:  when this article becomes free for dissemination i will re-post it, for now you have to read it on substack, and it's a paid substack, but i think they offer a free week's trial, it's certainly worth making the effort to read it:
04-04-23:  not writing much, but doing some post-surgery updates on substack: https://christophernews.substack.com/p/my-prediction-pain  --  ct
04-03-23:  today is hip-day, come 13:00 i shouldn't be afflicted with femoroacetabular impingement anymore (yea me), at least my right side shouldn't be, and the labrum shouldn't be flapping around the joint anymore... i don't know what the recovery period is going to be like, i imagine there will be a new kind of soreness, some reduced strength, and reduced mobility, but i don't know how long that stuff will last, or how miserable and grumpy i'm going to be until the benefits of the surgery will be realized, and the effects of physical therapy will kick-in, time will tell... so, i tried to shower with the chair that they gave me--it's not going to work for me, not in the stand-up shower-stall that we have, so after this morning i'll probably be taking two minute showers until i regain my strength again, i don't think i verbalized any obscenities during last-night's shower fiasco, but i certainly 'thought' a bunch of them... oh, and please don't come by the house to steal the pain-meds, or otherwise victimize me while i recover, since i'm handicapped for a bit i'm keeping a bigger gun by my side that holds a bunch of 190 gr. 30-caliber bullets (i really like that little gun, it's a nice soft shooter)... anyways... prayers are welcomed/appreciated, i have some anxiety about a few aspects of the procedure and recovery period, so that would be a decent place to cover in your prayers, i'm sure that Ben and his team will do great work, but it's more of the recovery that i'm concerned with, i suppose... thank you, and God bless.  --  ct

04-03-23 later:  so far so good, pain level is still low, and i'm still pretty slow... the surgical team seems like a great bunch, it's refreshing to be around folks that actually care about other folks, and treated like an appreciated human... still lots of mobility skills to learn/practice, crutches are a bitch, but maybe after the fog of anesthesia wears off it will be easier... anyhow, back home now, propped-up on the sofa, a cup of herbal tea beside me, lot's of literature to consume, and the strong-ass drugs are awaiting pharmacy pick-up... looking forward to some soup tonight, and shedding a few unwanted pounds over the next couple of weeks... and i'm already thinking abut my shoulder, and the treatments that lay ahead, but i'm practically famous for getting ahead of myself.  --  ct
04-01-23:  rainy day in rockingham county... one daughter is working, the other is off to the laundromat to help the wife with some extra bulky items to wash, and i've got an empty house... so what does a guy do on a rainy day and an empty house?  well, i'm doing some 'construction' on the sofa (taking the seating angle out, and lowering the platform a bit), it ought to fit the new cushions (a memory-foam twin mattress that i have to cut to fit) pretty well when i'm done... wish me luck, or pray for my endeavors... i'm pretty sure that i know what i'm getting myself into :-)  --  ct

04-01-23 later:  the sofa is good to go, in fact it's fit for that princess and the pea lady... 12 inches of foam to recover on, i'm not going to deal with the stairs that go up to the bedrooms for a couple of weeks after the surgery, so the sofa upgrades are really a pre-op preparation... it's pretty comfy, i won't be able to complain about the bedding, i did smash a couple of fingers pretty good at the beginning of the project, but the good news is that i'll be able to rest them under the aid of pain-killers (after monday) for a week or so, the finger-nails are quite colorful.   --  ct

04-01-23 more later: i have to learn to shower sitting on a small plastic chair, inside a 28x28' stand-up shower-stall with the hard door, probably should try to practice that once instead of waiting 'til i'm more gimpy, grumpy, stinky, and impaired from the crazy drugs that i'll be on... our bathroom is like an airplane restroom, but with a small shower stall in it, this isn't going to be easy, wish i gave it a bit more thought before today, maybe the left leg is strong enough to compensate until i get strength back on the right side, and i'm probably just over-thinking this, or, maybe i'm spot-on, and i have a bunch of suck to embrace in the near future, i don't really know what to expect... who know's, but it's a tight bathroom with a tiny shower to be hosting a chair, hmm, needs more consideration.  --  ct
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