07-16-22: i ended up with an unexpected half-day employment opportunity
yesterday, so i never finished my thoughts/writing the post below...
one of the most appreciated aspects of the funeral and burial the other
day was spending time with my 'beach bro', Ronnie. The small and
relatively quiet beach in MA where i had spend a portion of most of my
k-12 summers was on a very small parcel of land (sand actually), and
side-by-side were three 'cottages' filled to the brim with descendants
of my great-grandparents on Mom's side of the family, everywhere you
turned there was an uncle and aunt or a cousin. The families were very
large by today's standards, and you never knew who you'd see when you
went 'down to the beach', i think everyone that stayed down there had
cousins of similar age that they connected well with (you know, like a friend), and you'd spend
more time with them than some of your other cousins, that was Ron for
me, and it was his 'Nana' that had passed about a week ago, and he was fresh
in from Canada to pay his respects and celebrate her life the other
day. I hadn't seen him in a decade or so, and we sat for 30-60 minutes
or so catching-up, what a great demeanor and character he seems to
have... he was my beach-bro from decades ago in that we both had parents
whose first marriage didn't turn out as planned, and were raised for
years by single Moms (who were probably something like beach-sisters,
but really cousins), and we were similar age, and appreciated hanging with each other when summer schedules permitted... anyways, it was great to
see my cousin, and to hear how about his family (who are away on a trip
on the other side of the world with his in-laws), he still has a
calming, grounded, observant, witty, humble personality which was refreshing...
there is something about learning/seeing that old loved-ones/family
members are doing well--and haven't turned into toxic wrecking-balls--that
make makes your face and soul smile, so catching up with him was a great 'take-away'
despite the circumstances for the reunion... Ron's mom Kathleen had some
great words of wisdom as i departed, she said 'be good to yourself
chris'... i'd love to take her words of advice, but now i have to figure
out what being good to myself entails; for entirely too many years i did things that made me happy, but i don't even know what that is anymore, now i'm more or less a seasoned professional at supporting the weight of the world on my gimpy shoulder, and that get's old sometimes, too... in many respects socializing with spiritually healthy people in a relaxing setting is a large part of being good to myself, it's the antithesis to isolation and depression which i had gotten pretty good at... i'm taking my 'Auntie-Cousin's' advice and vowing to understand more about what being good to myself really means, and how to do it, i think that when you are a partner and a parent of folks that you really love you can do this thing where you empathize to a point where you sort of live your life through others as we understand more about their challenges and adversities, most humans want to help loved-ones, it helps you understand more about Love, and you sort of become self-sacrificial to an extent, and you'd rather put effort into helping them rather than helping yourself/myself, there is a deep Godly/Christian foundation in helping others, and psychologically speaking it's a very healthy thing to do for folks that get trapped into depressive seasons, but being good to oneself is probably the most healthy thing a person can do for long-term survival... i read an article from the Mega Foundation a week or two ago about 'putting on your own oxygen mask before you start helping others', the analogy was based on what to do if the plane looses cabin-pressure and the oxygen masks are dangling in front of you, similar to military training too, you put on your own gas-mask first before you start helping others, the article was focused on earning income and becoming more financially independent, but like any decent theory it must be applicable in many other facets of life too... i offered my time, life and soul to the giver of life, and the Messiah that He sent to show-and-tell us about God and Life, much of Jesus's example was thinking/helping/caring for others (it was sort of His 'mission'), to sacrifice is to love, it moves an observing and understanding person from paying hypocritical self-serving lip-service to being a 'doer' of good works/deeds, but if we want to live another day we need to be good to ourselves too, it seems... we all have to eat/drink/sleep/love, lest we transition to the next phase of life sooner than later... Thank You Kathleen for reminding me that there is a balance that i'm shy-of/missing, she noticed, and it reaffirms the article that i read a week or two ago... folks with very high IQs might see/read/hear something and understand it the first time, folks like me might need to read, re-read, and then have multiple sources basically telling us the same thing until it starts to sink in, i'm certainly not an idiot, but i can be a pretty slow learner sometimes, many times... looking forward to taking Kathleen's advice... anyways, it was a great day seeing so many familiar and new faces down the beach on Thursday, although i wrote mostly about Ron and his Mom i was surrounded by loved-ones from the second that i exited my car in Winthrop, Bob Sully even blocked me a bit while i got out of my shorts and into a suit in the funeral home's parking lot, that's love man... Uncle Tom had some great gifts that he brought from FL, Uncle Billy and Aunt Maria were great hosts (you should see Bill work the stove, he'll fatten you up if you don't know when to say no-thank-you), and everyone offered some decent conversation, smiles, and some form of love, never underestimate the power and benefit of some socialization, especially with loved ones... OK, the family is awakening, and i require some java, so i'm signing off for now. -- ct