Look, this is just a blog.  I write with little regard to proper technique or rules of grammar, i'm just an untrained novice writer who starting blogging as a form of therapy once the covid-era began, and my livelihood changed forever... eventually i split up the site to have a section geared toward my political opinions and complaints, and another one for my philosophical and religious opinions, but this page is just the blog part... with that said--I write for my own mental-health, as history for my family, and for anyone else that cares to read... thanks --  ct
 July 2023
07-31-23:  August is almost amongst us, it already is in some parts of our globe... i'm trying to edit a long tirade from the other day, and i think it's actually a piece to dedicate to my mom, she may not understand it in the words that i use, but i think she'd appreciate it, and i think it supports some of her struggles as well... we'll have to see... i really make a case for liberalism, but i'm far more conservative, but i was raised by someone who had a ton of struggles, and really needed some public-assistance for a good portion of her life... i think liberal and/or 'humane' policies helper quite a bit, but i also wonder if small-town neighbors would have helped, or, would God have helped her and i in some other ways when she was doing her best to raise me... who knows... anyways, i think Mom would appreciate the heart of the message once it's cleaned-up a bit more... mom was my biggest supporter and biggest critic, weird how that can happen... if you met her when she was in her right-mind you'd appreciate her too.  --  ct

07-31-23 later:  what a beautiful day it was in rockingham county, awesome blue skies with puffy white clouds, and somewhere around eighty... i probably should have gone out in the yard to get one more grass-cutting session in before a nice man cuts my wrist in the very near future... tomorrow looks nice too, but we are talking about having a fire on wednesday, so maybe i'll spend the afternoon on the grass, move into some wood cutting, and then cap it all off with a little camp-fire in the back-yard... as long as it doesn't rain much between now and then it's a solid plan... with all of that said, tonight would have been a great night for a fire, it's still perfect outside, it's about as nice as you'd hope for a summer night, at least in rockingham county... i'm starting to get backed-up with certain writing projects, i hate when that happens... soliciting prayer for focus/attention on some writing projects, and that my wrist will heal well after the surgeon executes a perfect set of procedures--and, that he'll fix everything the first time around, i'm not convinced that the MRI and x-rays revealed everything that's going on in my gimpy wrist, that son-ova-bitch hurts like hell sometimes... i'm sure the doctor will do his part very well, the other factor is how will my middle-aged tissue respond and heal from the repair... so those must be my biggest fears of surgery, how well the surgeon performs, and how well my body recovers, and any SNAFUs/unintended consequences too, the unknown variable, the unknown-variable scares me sometimes too, it's an occasional anxiety... that must make me a text-book something-a-phobe, i'm definitely a classic case of whatever thaaat is, the DSM has my picture beside the classification, i'm certain that i'm the poster-boy for it :-)   --   ct
07-30-23:  listening to joe rogan experience podcast number 2012, with Gad Saad as guest... i agree with Gad, i don't like horror-movies (or any movies) that do their best to startle you... that can't be good for the heart, it's like begging for a series of small heart-attacks... who even wants that... i dunno, maybe you do, but my heart can only handle so much... i recently watched a show at home, there was a big 'shoot-out' scene that began with a very startling opening... i swerved and ducked as i threw out an arm, and reached for my carry-gun that i had already put away and wasn't wearing... that show pulled me in, and got a very startled response from me, it totally worked... well done, you ass-hole writers and cinematographers... good job... i didn't need to change my under-wear, but you still got me pretty good... jerks. 
 ... and if you go back further in the podcast, i can relate to what he said about people being surprised by how nice he is in person, as opposed to what he writes online... many of the same reasons, you see/hear things that are disturbing so you address it, you sort of do that out of frustration, as well as education... you are frustrated by assholes who lie and try to distort reality; and then the dad in you wants to educate your kids... writing is therapeutic... i wrote a bit about it the other day. --  ct

07-30-23 later:  i wrote a bit of an over-tired writing-tirade the other day, and i'm trying to chip-away at cleaning it up today... i covered too many things, so, trying to figure-out what to incorporate, and what parts might belong to a different post/essay... long tirades are cool sometimes, and other times they become a blur of a bunch of lines... in my writing tirade, i went from health to politics in an impressive zero-to-sixty, so, second draft is pretty challenging... and my 'politics' sound more about meeting human needs (liberal interests through conservative perspective)... truth be told, i don't mind paying a bit more in taxes if it was actually/literally going to people that could use some help/guidance/opportunity, and to actually foster some self-reliance and in turn, contributing to society in whatever what-ever sized environment/geography that they are capable to contribute to... not really sure what that government-ideology that technically is, but that's where i'm at right now... but, with all of that said-- to fvck with the special-interests aspects of taxation and government, i hate paying for conniving exploiters and their self-serving schemes, the whole networked bunch of them really bother me, i'm a complete out-sider, yet i shamelessly contribute to some folk's narrative... but, as far as taxes is concerned, i'm more than happy to contribute toward decent folks, and even a few scum-bags if they seem redeemable, and show interest in learning, and becoming more self-reliant in respectable and ethical means/endeavors... anyways, i'm naive and ignorant to think that it's how 'government' actually works, or tries to accomplish, but i'm a dreamer, a utopic-dreamer that detests what government has become, and ever-increasing self-funding behemoth catering to more special-interests and investors (some folks call it the symbiotic relationship between government and corporate and NGOs), it's an ever-increasing behemoth that feeds it's unholy-trinity, and throws some crumbs to it's constituents, while preaching that it's really Really REALLY serving it's citizen's best needs/efforts/interests/assistance... don't tell my liberal friends that i said that i'm really a liberal at heart, and then they'll totally use it against me, and don't tell my conservative friends that i said it either--you know--roles of government and taxes and shit, so don't tell them either... but, i dunno, maybe i should include that in the article too, maybe i should just go for it, to seize the opportunity of a self-help article to share some of my policy perspectives and opinions... shit-cha, i think that's what i'm gonna do... he He HE.  --  ct
07-29-23:  i'm going to spend some time cleaning-up yesterday's post, and attaching some sources to it, and then maybe posting it to substack, is just useful information that most of us know, we just forget, or get into bad routines, or worse, worse is when you exhibit an addiction-like, or chronically/routinely make poor decisions that you know is detriment to your health, and might possibly be putting others in harms as well... anyways, it's got to point to ctmu's wellness substack, the promote making gook decisions that can effect body/mind/soul... some of the decisions that we make even effect a big part of the world, for better or worse... please make smart decisions that doesn't negatively impact innocents, and don't take much more then you really need, it's good to prep, but don't be an ass-hole hoarder (especially if you are a billionaire)... make positive contributions to society, and have the moral-IQ to know the difference of helping others, or satisfying your deviant ego at the expense of others (exploiting others)... the world only has so much resources, that everyone has to share...

 ... anyhow, there is a health-care professional that i appreciate and can relate to in many respects, he understands a lot more of the body's internal workings then i do, but he doesn't let the fancy technical words get in the way of communicating... he tells you the technical names of things, but doesn't expect you to do the same, here is part of a conversation that we had pretty recent:
me: i'm so thankful for some of the things that these surgeons can do these days, if it were a hundred years ago i'd probably go cripple and probably medicate or self-medicate.
them:  i knooow, there were more amputations back in the old days, too. And, it wasn't too long ago were leaches were an acceptable/practiced treatment. you know 'sit here for a while wile the leaches suck away your ailment'.
me:  i raise my hand and say 'i want a second opinion'
them:  laughs and says 'yeah, so his cousin--who is the only other doctor for a hundred miles--says 'yeah, give him some leaches'
both of us:  laugh
 ... he's a pretty funny, and down to earth smart guy. -- ct

07-29-23 later:  i just finished watching the new 2023 movie 'nefarious'... holy smokes... it'll get you thinking about where spiritual meets psychological... interesting topic, solid movie, and the possessed guy did a great job acting... an old buddy just recommended the film, and pointed out the references to 'the carpenter', well done... i agree, it was well done, and a story well told.  --  ct
07-28-23:  here's a decent article written by Dr Irina Antonova for The Epoch Times, if you can't access it let me know,, and send me your email, that way i can have E.T. email you a link with a key to access... anyhow, Irina writes about Epigenetics, which encompasses things like genetics, nutrition, and enivronment... you also want to include other important things, such as an acknowledgement and communion with God... she covers the basics that everyone should be aware of, and certainly is 'no secret to unlocking' anything-- i.e., physiological requirements, and making smart decisions as we interact with our environment... the article itself is good, but here is the big take-away:

" While genetics play a role in healthy longevity, our lifestyle and environment, also known as epigenetics, may actually be more important. "

... first-off, you will find that the author repeats the same common-sense approach to health that most health professionals, eat well, and practice portion-control, stay hydrated and don't binge drink alcohol, don't smoke, exercise, get proper rest... she will tell you some of the same things that we mostly understand to be true, much of our health, efficiency, and productivity has to do whether or not be are predisposed to certain genetic-issues, and if we make smart choices and practice self-control doing things we know are good, and minimizing things we know are bad...

... secondly, genetics play a factor in EVERYTHING, but so do life-style, the environment which we live/operate, epigenetics, so does a 'spirituality' (something that transcends all physical understanding and satisfies the soul), and so does meeting all of our physiological needs, warm/dry/safe dwelling/shelter, clean non-toxic air, adequate hydration, adequate nutrition, adequate sleep (which overlaps with temperate and safe shelter), adequate hygiene and first/self-aide, exercising/moving your entire being... anyways, it's hard to peg a person's particular problem down to just one simple source-problem... because everything in this paragraph plays their unique roles in maintaining/affecting human life... one thing/deficiency can trigger another thing/problem, which can trigger other things/chronic-health problems/chaos, etc. but, when the holistic/symbiotic relationship of all of those needs are met we start to operate at better efficiency, and with greater potential, as we interact with our environment more wisely/positively, we identify better priorities which helps us make better decisions, we force ourselves to exercise self-control and respect our environment and other people better, which are admirable qualities in any tribe/culture/geography... we don't need lot's of hacks to operate at better efficiency, we have to embrace reality, exercise intelligence by making smart choices that can positively or negatively affect our health and day-to-day performance, which translates to our future, other people's future, future generations, and the environment/resources that we all have to share... the thing about understanding how necessary that holisic-healh/life, epigenetics, and making better choices because our good and bad decisions have domino-effects, in our lives, and other people's lives, when we really 'get it' the better we can interact wisely with our environment, and the God who created our universe (spiritual health)... the necessity to embrace biology with spiritual principles to actually embrace 'reality'--the Ultimate Reality being God itself (actual reality)--there is a harmoies relationship between biology, and why we should be doing certain smart things, and avoid doing certain stupid things is easy 1 + 1 = 2 sort of math that even i can do, or maybe an understanding of cause and affect is more appropriate... anyways, i'm a fan of Mazlow's observations and classifications with his famous 'pyramid', i'm also a fan in religious leaders that promote simple principles like the importance of mutual respect, ergo The Golden Rule', which is the Christian sort way of embracing the logical, redeeming and sustainable concept of treating other people the way that you'd appreciate being treated (mutual respect) if anything be a blessing (positive) to other people, don't be an ass-hole to them (negative)... so, i appreciate any religious folks from every religion that prioritize that logical/sustainable concept to the folks that trust them... the concept is religiousy, but completely logical as well, because it's 'reality', the importance of mutual-respect, and positively interacting with others and the environment that we all have to share...
 ... anyhow, back to understanding some of our unhealthy choices and habits/routines, and understanding how they are negatively impacting our lives, healt, performance, and the consequences of our actions, and then any paradox of that compared to our life-style and decisions and choices, then the more we can understand reality, and cause and affect (notice some repeated words/phrases)... so when we understand essential physiological requirements, nutritional foundations, staying hydrated from good sources, along with, portion-control/moderation, physical movement and exercise, education through different mentors, or from families/ancestors/cultures, and why making good decisions about doing more positive things/decisions/actions, and taking on new challenges and exploring new things should be embraced, those sorts of things all contribute to positive human evolution--i'm sure lot's of other things contribute to that too, but those are certainly factors... so, there is a point where i become the liberal and empathet in an actual working-man's democrat, i agree with many of my true liberal friends who would rather see government resources going to actual folks who have difficulty meeting physiological requirements, help them discover any hidden talents, or give them resources to mentors or education to get useful training to earn some steady income... i support that sort of government assistance to citizens, and legal non-resident folks who have proven that they subscribe to American foundational principles, which center around a mutual understanding of mutual-respect... i've struggled over recent years, and from time to time, but was a pretty useful income-tax provider to our government for many years, i didn't mind my tax-money going to useful and humane things such as helping each other about physiological-needs, and how to acquire them, maybe to be a productive member of society, maybe earn a trade/craft/specialty/professional/expertise on your own, or to engage with a larger society or geography, some folks are well gifted and are able to help with a larger society of respectable and folks that will benefit from expertise... it's amazing watching gifted people exercise their talents... everyone has talents and capabilities and access to various resources, everyone is capable of making some positive impact in whatever sized environment that they are capable of being productive in... but i don't mind a government that encourages people to attain education that helps folks try to maximize their potential, and potential impact on society through their expertise, so i'm pretty liberal in that respect too, in some respect i don't mind some of the positive impacts that the concept of a student-loan fogiveness could help folks that are engaged in pursuing education for jobs that will have a positive impact on society, especially those in agriculture/farm/ranch/preservation... whatever you want to call the folks that help provide physiological requirements for a portion of society, those folks help provide in ways that no other, like fisherman and even logical conversationalists who also make big impacts on society, i don't mind a government that helps assist those folk too, i think everyone should be able to agree on how much need to sustainably harvest certain resources that the earth supplies... everyone has some way to maximize whatever potential they have, i like a government that would help people in various stages of their lives change course, and pursue more useful education or training... so, i'm quite liberal in many respects, but also more conservative in other respects (most respects actually) of government... now that i stated that, let me say that i'm NOT in favor of government paying for special interests for opportunists to exploit government funding... i like paying for a reasonable military to protect our civil-freedoms, and our nation first, technically-speaking you need some sort of border for our overinflated government to protect with a military, and then you have to consider the benefits that the government is paying for education and agriculture and other ways to help other folks find useful jobs where they might be able to learn a lot, and eventually maximize their potential by really making a positive contribution to life as they are capable of... i often blast away at 'liberals', but i appreciate the heart of many ways that government can positively impact the lives of it's citizens... the logical conservative in me says that people that care to migrate to the USA need to understand that we already have an over-inflated government that is already exploited by too many special-interests, and we already pay for 'helping our neighbor' by trying to help them achieve useful dreams, and we can only fund those helpful benefits for so many people, so wait in line, it's respecting our customs/laws, and we can't afford to help you until we have a stable enough economy that our government is helping all of our citizens reach their potential by helping folks with physiological needs for those who have difficulty attaining them... i'm a bit liberal n some respects, i'd rather that my tax-dollars are spect not hings like that than special-interests... there hit's that point where i think the over-inflated government should actually help folks that are disabled, or have certain impairments, or limited resources, but also helping them discover their talents and potential, and to find a way to provide a decent living by making an impact on some geography/environment that they are capable of contributing to, but the realist says that my tax-dollars should be used for the benefit of borders and boundaries, and for the legal inhabitants of those borders... so the logical conservative in me says that we have to enforce our borders, so we can provide some humane-based benefits to our citizens, we should offer a way where decent folks should be able to migrate, but they might have to wait for a bit, you should doing your best to learn how to speak, read, write in English, which is pretty important to function in American society, and to read directions and signs, etc... i'm liberal, but conservative... i'm pro government, but not the over-inflated and heavily exploited special interest machine that it's become, so, i am very pro-American in the sense hat i served our country in the military shortly after i graduated high-school i did that because i appreciated our country, and was willing to kick some bad-guy's asses in our country needed to be defended... i was seven years old when America celebrated it's bi-centennial in 1976, in many ways it impacted a seven year old, and i became pro-government, was already playing with little green plastic Army-men, and the rest is history... but--now that i'm a bit older and have considered more things--i'll say that i'm anti-military industrial complex, we need some defense-contractors for sure, but the government is involved in too many shady things, and too many things get exploited, so i'm pro-military, but it must be a reasonable military, and it doesn't need to fund so many sketchy things for so many special-interests and opportunists that my tax dollar is currently paying for... so i'm pro-military, but reasonable military, not it's own over-inflated government within an over-inflated government, that my tax-dollars are paying for, all of the special-interests that have exploited our government to pay to for very self-serving shenanigans...
 ... so, i just wanted to explain some of my 'political' opinions/ideology... call me a liberal, or call me a conservative, i couldn't give a ratz-ass how i'm labeled, but here's the thing... nothing above is valid if the government doesn't actually support religious causes, so, yeah, fvck you to anyone that agreed with my perspectives up to now, it's time that recognize the self-evident that many religions/cultures already understand, they understand that there is some type of God, triune God, or multi-God something-or-other, the USA does that, and it offers certain humane unalienable rights to it's citizens... therefore, in acknowledgement of such a 'God', or universal religious beliefs, and that our government helps support educational opportunities to other helpful/useful areas of societal-benefit, that religious pursuits should be promoted and advanced and supported (however you wish to say it)... if the religious ideology promotes logical principles like the ten-commandments, and heavily promotes the concept and sustainable principle of mutual-respect, which includes not exploiting members or non-members, because that falls back under the 'mutual-respect' law, right?
 ... so, i just wanted to acknowledge some appreciations, as well as some of my political ideologies, because folks get me wrong, because depending on what size environment you are exposed to, meaning sources of information, you may never know what distractions you disagree about, and what your sense/perspective/expectations of what a government should afford it's citizens... i find it humorous that i'd have to explain myself, but if yo have a big flapping mouth like me then sometimes i have to do so... so, our constitution is based on individual freedoms, freedoms that are based on the concept of individuals having 'free-will', which assumes that we have intelligence to make logical decisions that are based on the concept of a God that emphasizes mutual respect... my particular religious ideology portrays God's passion for his creation as a an awesome father would be for his off-spring... Jesus teachings and examples and simplistic life-style are probably your fastest connection to my version of God, some folks would even say that Jesus was actually some human manifestation of God, and God's example of his expectations are for all humans, maybe even all of creation... so i have my share of biases... speaking of biases, i want to thank one of my friends who is gay for laughing at 'gay newsome' comment on substack, it's like guv'na newsome is too pristine to be straight, and so, my political or religious opinions/biases/ideologies aside, i have friends that respect me despite the ways that i make my point, friends fro a bunch of different backgrounds and basis and ideologies... i think the thing that joins out friendship is understanding mutual respect, being friendly, socializing, helping one another, and respecting one another's cultural or traditional differences if they aren't down-right offensive and quite disrespectful (mutual respect and sometimes some reasonable compromise)... most folks are quite reasonable and friendly and accommodating automatically, because those are a part of reality and God's expectations that most folks find self-evident, so, i don't believe in alienating folks just based on their distorted view of reality, so, as zee fruuunch say, too-shay my friend, but glad you got a chuckle out of my newsome tirade the other day ;-) ... but, the story was that a reasonable and accurately-discerning school-board threw the newsome-employed pervert out, as they should have, i don't know if the guy was trying to make himself some self-destined martyr, or trying to incite an angry mob response, or what, but they had security remove the emboldened deviant predator/critter... Muslims clearly see the deviants that have polluted our governments, and the bull-shit that they try to pervert/exploit kids at increasingly younger ages
 ... hope i made some of my ideological reasoning more clear... life wasn't intended to be, nor should it be over-complicated by a zillion rules, everyone has gifts and capabilities and intelligence and resources... please use your free-will/intelligence/computing/rationale wisely, and not for exploits, just because you caaan do something doesn't mean that you should do it, don't be too smart for your own good, make decisions that positively effect society, and doesn't hurt folks... anyways, i don't know what religion or tradition or technical code of ethics that you subscribe to, but most of my old friends and acquaintances are pretty reasonable folks despite our diverse back-grounds, that mutual 'reasoning' is what we call reality, good relationships are based on mutual perceptions of reality and mutual-respect-based ethics... decent folks are easy to be friendly with, they are reasonable, because they embrace/appreciate reality, and what's good, and what's not good, and those things transcend cultures and decent religions because they are obvious sustainable and reasonable expectations that our God has repeatedly communicated to mankind over and Over and OVER again, through many different people, at many different (and simultaneous times) throughout history, in different places/geographies to different audiences... Logos, God's word, God's Logic is pretty darn simple to understand... but most cultures and religions agree that God has limited patience for a society that's gone mad ... thanks for your time... God bless. -- ct

07-27-23:  i'd love to read the unredacted writings of the snapped sicko... i don't actually study deviant personalities/behavior with any depth, but the FBI pros will do their professional thing... it would be interesting to read the things that made sense to her, and if anything she wrote makes sense to regular normal people (some weird things make plenty of sense when you understand a bigger picture)... please, say a prayer for the all of the families involved, i'm sure most of them are still grieving, and trying to make sense of the tragedy... i think reading the deviant's notes is actually a good way to try to start making sense of anything related to this matter... i think the unredacted notes are probably/also great exhibits/examples for studying human behavior/psychology... i thought she was cute/attractive in some of her photos, at least until she started acting like a boy... even a pretty one can turn into a reptilian/alien/demon/deviant-predator... what a world we live in...

... speaking of girls gone snapped, check this out... a naked woman shooting a pistol at other drivers on a CA freeway--maybe the only way this incident would make some justifiable sense would be if (due to deviant-predators) she was held captive (which is inhumane and wrong on so many levels), if she were unclothed because her captor/captors kept her that way, and then she got free enough to grab their gun and start fighting back, otherwise, i'd assume that she snapped... i dunno, it's about all i can think of at the moment... the guys that are talking/filming/witnessing part of the ordeal said it all, WTF... there is a country song that i like, and typically sing-along with, the chorus goes like this... 'God is great... beer is good... and people are crazy'... in fact, i'm singing it in my head right now. -- ct

07-27-23 later:  avoided a head-on collision this morning driving my daughter to work, someone driving a small silver/grey sedan was not only aimed directly at us, but they were 3 - 4 feet crossed over the double yellow line... fortunately they got back in their lane right before i had to drive into someone's yard to avoid an accident--actually, there was a low wall that probably would have flipped me over if i went much further... it was a bit early for someone to be impaired on purpose--but, not too early for extremists or pros... so i assumed they were distracted... did the coffee tip over and burn the lap, was there a wasp in the car, did their partner just text them, looked at something off the side of the street a little too long, maybe a medical situation?... i don't know what their deal was, but glad they straightened back out, and that i didn't have to drive into someone's yard or flip the car over to avoid them... i think the incident woke/sobered-up everyone involved, helped achieve an appropriate level of alertness/situational-awareness. -- ct

07-27-23 laterer:  the doctor appointment was awesome today, it was four-month follow-up for hip surgery, and to check-in with the gimpy shoulder... Ben is a gifted surgeon that also knows how to communicate down to folks that may ping lower on the bell-curve... he understood some of my mis-conceptions, and explained a more accurate version of reality... did you know that cortisone damages/breaks-down collagen, well good on you, i certainly didn't, not until he explained why it wouldn't be wise to hit the shoulder with another blast of it as a means to solve possible/upcoming strain... basically, the left wrist is going to get cut, and repaired, by one of his colleagues in the very near future, and i was concerned that i'll be beating-up the gimpy right shoulder to make up for the recovering left wrist, and should we hit the shoulder with another shot to help with the probable inflammation/pain... i like a good doctor that's a straight-shooter that understands patient's concerns--or questions--and can communicate reality to a guy like me who says things like 'my hip is gimpy, so can you fix it'?... anyways... Doc Saks gave me a compliment that i appreciated, he said that doctors appreciate patients like me, and that i was very positive, and to keep it up... how cool is that? A couple of other things, he said my shoulder is actually still in good shape, despite the pain from a bit of impingement and tendonitis and a small tear, the shoulder/rotator-cuff isn't that bad... he also encouraged me to try hiking again, he's confident that i should be able to enjoy that again... hiking is an awesome way to exercise and experience life in the real world (nature), so maybe i'll give it a shot, and get my wee-little legs moving across some trails again, i used to love hiking... so, thanks for the encouragement, the reminder, and some brief education today, Doc. -- ct

07-27-23 more later:  there is a substack author that i appreciate, he generally writes about certain religious and philosophy issues... today he commented on another substack author's quick post, which offers insight to a growing pandemic, read it for yourself--it's pretty quick... but here's Mr. Koch's comment:

Sometimes rightful anger is more than justified, but getting triggered and self-righteous and angry online has never done anything for me except draining my energy and making me feel miserable, which I need to consciously fight and counter afterwards to stay on track.

Often not worth it at all.

 ... and, here's part of the brief article/post, the middle is quoting someone else:

What makes this particular addiction so dangerous is that it not only feels good, it makes us feel righteous.

Pete Ross explains why outrage can be so seductive when he says:

We love being angry, because it makes us feel smart. It makes us feel like we care more than the next person (who we assure ourselves doesn’t care enough), because we’re more across the facts than they are. That we have the necessary ideas to fix everything. That we’re the ones that need to be in charge.”

The question that we need to ask when we find ourselves binging on this kind of personal arrogance is this: What is my outrage actually accomplishing?

 ... i'm sure this may sound like a defensive reaction on my part (so it must be), but here goes...
 ... writing with some anger and frustration is actually therapeutic for me, it's actually a form of anger-management, i haven't punched anyone in their ugly pie-hole, so it must work... it's also a form of prayer... writing is like praying out-lout, and many of my prayers include things that i'm frustrated about... i take those frustrations out in the quiet of my home, and i'm pretty peaceful, nice, and helpful when i actually interact with folks when i'm off-line, when i'm in reality, not a digital reality...
 ... besides communicating in previous professions i'm a complete novice to the world of professional communicators, aka, word-slingers... just about every one going into middle-school can tell you that i clearly show little respect for rules of grammar, spelling, organizing, and even seem a bit dyslexic... good for you observant young person, you pegged me... writing with some outrage is most definitely therapeutic, but it certainly doesn't make me feel smart--in fact, writing makes me feel stupid--stupid, unpolished, naked-and-exposed, like a child that was raised by wolves but has enough confidence to insert myself in a smart-people's world and dance with the fancy folks... so, i would argue that writing with outrage doesn't make me feel smart in any way/shape/form... maybe attempting to motivate lazy folks that are too busy smelling the goat-tail in front of them, and alerting them of the wolves they are surrounded by is an exercise of intelligence, anytime you try to manipulate a response (positive or negative) you are exercising intelligence, predictive-modeling, and creativity -- the attempted manipulation is obvious to some folks, the folks who recognize the manipulation, they might be smart folk in their own rite... despite my writing style, and lack of sophistication and appreciation for casual/simple words, i'm going to keep doing it anyways... with all of that said, what actually makes me feel smart is accomplishing something with little direction or training, figuring out something on my own, i feel wicked smart (grew up outside of boston) when that happens...
 ... i have some other problems with the quote in the middle of Hyde's post, writing through some anger doesn't make me feel 'righteous' either... i'm not really sure what that word means, but my simple/gross understanding of such a word/concept is that if you really understand your ideology, and idea of good vs. bad, and support the things that are good, and combat the things that are bad, then your are operating in righteousness... however, when you are mis-led/tricked/bamboozled, and are triggered to combat something that isn't really bad after-all, then it's no longer true righteousness, it's passion and actions that are based on a distorted reality, master-manipulators do that all of the time to folks, and sometimes folks that don't fully understand something do the same thing, via ignorance/naivety or laziness... those things happen to me, something similar happened recently, i wrote about it in a previous post this month... look, i'll go to fvcking war for a loved-one, but when they are wrong about something, and it triggers some passion/anger/re-action from me, well, all i can say is to please be more factual, my blood-pressure requires it...
 ... but, i think the main-points/Occam-razor of the incomplete post makes the case for principles such as fussing over a speck in someone else's eye while the 2x4 protrudes from my own, and/also, maybe there is a dopamine flush from doing so, and, that Dunning-Kruger were right--in that we don't know what we don't know... maybe that's the point, i don't know the authors involved to know what they were actually trying to convey, but i appreciate the heads-up/warning nestled within, as i know i can go over the top very easily...
 ... my most harsh writing uses the same triggering-techniques that i observed leading up to--and following the covid19-era... and i re-direct those things right back at many of the sources that attacked anyone that appreciated some of Trump's policies, or who voted for him, or that didn't take the government-corporate collaborated vax-bait... in my case my anger-writing is like 'Hey, i saw what you did, and this is what you look like' type of writing--an equal but opposite re-action/force/whatever...
 ... and, to circle back to my first point, i write angrily to get it off my chest so i don't punch you in your filthy mouth, it's therapeutic... in order to make my point, go back and look at one of my previous posts, you will see where i mentioned the surgeon's compliment about being optimistic and positive, and that doctors appreciate patients like me... i'm nice, and encouraging to folks because i already took out my frustrations on the keyboard, and it was directed at bad-actors/tools and whore-like influencers... see, therapy works. -- ct

07-27-23 later then before:  it's looks like it was on june fourth that i wrote a bit about listening to Sinead O'connor... that 'Since you been gone' son was bouncing through the noggin enough that i looked up some old videos, and played them over and Over and OVER again, again and again... anyways, after that exercise in satisfying the soul i walked away thinking that she could really sing the blues, some folks that sing the blues are pretty good, and others make you shed a tear... after watching some covers of her song it seemed liked most folk that sang it were emotional while doing so--the sign of a good song--a stimulating song by a gifted singer who used what talent she had to share with the world--OK, maybe that's a bit dramatic, but that gal could sing the blues... i never followed her, in fact, i was quite turned-off by some of her 'statements', maybe because i didn't understand her perspective... anyhow, what-ever my opinion is of her, you can't take away her gift to convey emotion/blues and story...

... here's Sinead's official video:  https://youtu.be/0-EF60neguk
... here's Pink covering it:  https://youtu.be/UHEmRVk3ONg
... here's Chris Cornell covering it (never hear him before, but he's brilliant):  https://youtu.be/IuUDRU9-HRk
... shooot, i'm sure a bunch of other folks have too... i'm certain that there will be many covers by a bunch of other singers/artists in the near future... many other artists paying their tributes... and, plenty of opportunists seizing the day, as well... it's just how it works... but, i'm looking forward to some of the covers/tributes, i'd love to hear Chris Stapleton cover it, and some other gift blues singers... but the cheesy opportunists can go suck eggs, stay at home, no one needs to buy crap from cheesy opportunists, but some folks will.  --  ct
07-26-23:  i always tried to distance myself from gossip and conspiracy-theorists, until a huge rug was pulled-out from under my feet and i had to start taking some of them more serious than the 'utter foolishness' which is generally assigned to such theories, and it turns out that many of them are correct... i tried to keep my distance from church-gossipers and church-business/politics, until there was a church-split, and my eyes saw more clearly--division and miscommunication can happen anywhere, those eyes and ears saw and heard things that bothered me, so i got more involved, and learned lots more things about church drama, and life in general... i always tried to distance myself from government/corporate/cult practices and conspiracies, until they became obvious, and so i've gotten a bit more involved by inserting myself in things that i know shockingly little about, and, things appear to be worse then i anticipated... ignorance is bliss, and disassociating from reality by sticking the old head in a hole doesn't fix a damn thing, but some folks can only handle bliss... i don't want to be writing about some of the crap that i write about, but you can't 'un-see' or 'un-hear' things, or sweep them back under some proverbial rug, that does nothing but punt today's problems down the road for future generations to wrestle with, for less lazy and weak people to have to clean-up... just doing a 'bliss-check' to see how you're doing, are you kicking anything ugly, stinky, or messy under the couch or down the road, or are you meeting today's obstacles and challenges head-on?  just asking.  --  ct

07-26-23 later:  a loved-one had an appointment with a nurse-practitioner yesterday, and i went with them... the NP is a very good communicator, she reminds me of the actress/comedian Melissa McCarthy, somewhat in appearance, somewhat with mannerisms, and she definitely has a decent sense of humor... we didn't know what to expect in meeting this person for the first time, she was a pleasant surprise in many respects... thanks Dawn, we appreciate you and you efforts, you are very good with your communication skills/questions.  --  ct

07-26-23 laterer:  i've shared this story before, it was just about the 'glory days', a story about when i was a young awkward so-and-so... i was in good shape as far as Army standards go, i did well on most performance metrics that Army folks measure/grade, eventually got a respectable security clearance, and then finally re-tested on the asvab to where test scores were no longer obstacles to possible job selection, all good stuff for re-enlistment opportunities... but, i was also a mostly lazy person that would only apply myself to certain tasks if i was forced to, or, if it seemed cool, and, there were some folks whose egos/hypocrisy/acting would bother me to the point where you could say that i had a bit of a bad attitude chip on my shoulder in some respects, and could be a bit combatant... the military is full of folks with attitude problems, or sell-out puppets, and even some decent folks who want to make a positive difference in the world and aren't afraid to get their hand's dirty and fight (my opinions)... so, anyways, when it came close to enlistment time there was an officer that i really respected that was doing a decent job in trying to recruit me to re-enlist, he was our company XO, and a stand-up guy... he made me understand how some of my job experience and credentials would open more possibilities, and certain guarantees that would come with a new commitment... eventually i let him know that things weren't going to work out for re-enlisting, and he seemed to respect that after a bit more trying... and then he did something later that impressed me, something i appreciated... when the orders came down from above, orders saying that units that were already embedded in Saudi Arabia needed a bunch of combat engineers to fill in some voids, and they wanted a bunch of folks from our unit... at the time,i was under what they called 'stop-loss', it just means that folks that were supposed to be getting out of the Army (ETS) had to stay in for an extended and undetermined period of time, so i was basically stuck and couldn't get out even if i wanted to, i didn't have a job ready to go back to when i was supposed to get out, so i wasn't really in any rush to leave... but, the problem was that the company XO picked the folks who would go deploy to fill in the needs over-seas, and i wasn't on that list (maybe that was a good thing?), regardless, i was stuck on base doing things that i disliked (kicking around dry-sweep in the motor-pool), lot's of boring things... and i saw an opportunity to possibly deploy with the other guys, there was a relatively new private-- let's call him mullet-- that was taking the news that he had to deploy rather badly, he was literally crying... so, i asked the XO if i could possibly swap places with him, my sales pitch was that i have a far greater chance of surviving in combat than mullet, i've been in for three years and can do most of the job requirements in my sleep, but mullet has only been around a short-while, doesn't have my training experience, and obviously doesn't want to go... the weirdest turn of events happened, the XO said that he considered my request, and put me on the deployment list, as far as the other factors were concerned, Mullet still had to deploy, because another guy that was married was allowed to stay off the deployment list--because his wife (at the time) make a big fuss about him going... so i got deployed, and so did the young private that i thought i was sort of helping in some way (hey, it's the thought that counts), but my buddy --let's call him 'satellite-glasses'-- got to sit that deployment out, and be a husband to his wife instead... weird how that all worked out... and then down the road a ways good-ol' satellite-glasses turned the gesture around and covered 'my six' while i was deployed, the story is that he literally ate the paper-report of positive urinalysis that implicated me, and a bunch of other buddies for THC (easier to ask forgiveness than permission?), the story was that he literally ate the paperwork while stuck on battalion-HQ duty when the results/report came down from above (paper seems sooo old-school now) ... all i know is that when i got back from deployment, no one questioned me about any possible reports that may have crossed the desk of battalion HQ, in fact, none of my military records ever caught back up to me by the time i got out of the Army, in fact, they never caught-up with me some thirty-years later, all but a few records from the very early days, and some new records that were created for the last few months of my 45-month enlistment... three years active-duty commitment, plus an extra nine months stop-loss/extension... sometimes missing records/reports are convenient, other times missing records are exceedingly inconvenient... sometimes you've got friendlies that are looking out for you, other times it seems like the deck is stacked against you... i wonder how those guys are doing these days, satellite-glasses seems good, never heard from mullet again... on a side note, i never had to really fight once the ground-war in Iraq started, i just returned fire on one occasion--a couple of jerks that made our mission get cancelled--jerks, we were fixin to blow something up... but i had an easy deployment compared to a lot of folks, it svcked a whole bunch, and was exhausting at times, but it was mostly easy--relatively speaking... if i didn't have chronic knee, back, and shoulder problems i may have stayed in for at least one more enlistment, i probably would have, but i would have been even more miserable if i were stuck being a combat engineer (a picket-pounder and demo-guy) for even one more day... who knows what may have become had i re-enlisted, and made use of my now irrelevant certifications and training and privileges, chances are i never would have met my wife, for all i know i may have been dead by now... certain decisions have life-long implications, i think i've made some good ones, and plenty of bad ones as well... anyhow, weird trip down memory-lane today, i don't even remember why i started writing about it earlier, weird, maybe a senior moment. -- ct
07-25-23:  I don't understand pre-canned prayers, maybe i just don't like traditional stuff that we do over and Over and OVER again, repetition saps the life out of me... some folks find great beauty in repetitive words/phrases and traditions, i dunno, i find the beauty in the end result, not so much in the words and methods and style that we use to petition God... some folks do those things beautifully, some gatherings and celebrations can be lovely/fun/memorable... i think i'm becoming more of a ‘get down to business’ type of guy, maybe even impatient with some aspects of church gatherings, i'm more of a 'let's get down to preaching and teaching' sort of fella, and then praying as needed, and then maybe some friendly socializing after, time-permitting—churches are great places to meet decent people...

… i hate to say it, but i got awfully sick of certain routines, and certain priorities of certain churches. Much of that is on me, effects of insomnia and bouts of depression and anxiety (which can be amplified by insomnia, and insomnia can trigger the other two things), i think those symptoms, along with the pre-canned criticism that i mentioned before, those things wear on my patience, and sometimes i block-out the stuff that i'm completely bored with, and perk-up when the meat and potatoes is served--the teaching/communicating...

… Much of the church music is wonderful, there are some very gifted folks that play at their churches... but i'm not into performances anymore, noisy and over-distracting places turn me off, sensory over-load, i've got issues, i can only handle so much celebration at a time, and only so much volume at a time... so we haven't gone to a regular church to gather regularly in quite a while, but i have heard some good teachings over the years, and online/zoom, etc, those are cool when other viewers know how to mute their devices...

… There are plenty of things in various churches that i know that i appreciate and can tolerate, and then there are some churches where the whole experience has to be over-produced, pre-canned, entertaining, and peculiar priorities instead of meat and potatoes... i think i've become quite the church snob over the years, there is a new one pretty close by that the family and i are going to check out, i'd prefer a church that's in-town, that understands that the town they are in is their mission, not just focused on the closest city or just far-off lands, what are you doing for your/our town, that's the type of church that i'm searching for, and one that doesn't spend too much time on bells and whistles—some of the best 'churches' that i've attended were just random chairs under some type of shade...

… I know, i know, i've become quite the church snob, maybe i’m just a grumpy-pants middle-aged cuss now, i dunno... but, where's the small town church that prioritizes our God and the small town that's in it's own backyard, our neighbors... i hope to find it... i don't need a feature-rich church, just a simple one, more like me... prayers are solicited—maybe your prayers will help us find a good church, a church where spectacle isn't common practice, but the reality of God, OT and NT kingdom-principles, and the two most important commandments are the priority… there must be one out there, but is there one in my own town? Maybe, time will tell. -- ct

07-25-23 later:  really missing my support today--you know what i mean, right?  The other day i was outside doing some chores, and when i had to wheel-barrel some things to the back of the neighbor's property i started getting harassed by some flies, maybe it was just a couple, but it seemed like dozens... and then, after a few minutes, i got some close air support--the dragon-flies, they came in and started protecting me from the pesky flies, picking them off, and sending them fleeing elsewhere... the dragon-flies were probably just hunting and eating, and i just happened to scare-up some game for them--but to me it felt like i was getting close support from Apache helicopters, and they were just picking-off/mitigating the threats all around me... i didn't have much support today, maybe the dragon-flies didn't appreciate what i did with the weed-whacker earlier--knocking down their look-out towers, or maybe they were full already, or maybe it's not hot enough for them to be active yet--i dunno, but i missed my support today, unless, perhaps, maybe i'm somehow mis-understanding my relationship with them completely?  Are they like those tough yet friendly dolphins that fend-off sharks (or flies) for humans... i dunno, but i would have appreciated one or two of them today, the flies harassed the sh1t out of me... sons-a-bitches, get off of me.  --  ct

07-25-23 laterer: just to circle back around with my first post today, i align more with Judea-Christian ideology, but i don't 'write to them', they certainly aren't my target audience, i know folks that identify/subscribe to those 'religions' that read some things that i write, and i know some Muslim-identifying folks that also read some of my stuff, and some Hindu folks as well, and i think there are even a Buddhist or two/three, there's also a witch or two... and, on the other-hand, there are some completely non-religiousy folks that read some of this website too... none of you are my target audience, if it were religious folks i wouldn't be so harsh and let the f-bombs fly as i do, and maybe i'd tell you what you want to hear if i was concerned with an audience... and for the completely un/non-religious folks, i wouldn't be throwing in stuff like ten-commandments, and mentioning Jesus, and such, if you were my target audience... much of my writing is just me complaining about things, and in some respects it's like me praying, me expressing frustrations about an imperfect world to the God who created it all... go ahead and ask him, God will tell you that i'm a world-class complainer, and maybe a bit high-maintenance, too... go ahead, he'll tell you... so, back to writing in general, generally speaking, i just write because i have to, my head might explode otherwise, i may blow some gasket, or a blood-vessel, or something... and that's sort of what i mean by 'writing as therapy'... therapy can be the thing that you shift as much of your attention, and concentration as possible... sometimes it's recreational things, sometimes it's making things, sometimes it's... well, you get the picture... 
... so the Christian that's turned-off by my writing, fare-enough, but you aren't my target audience... the rational person in between, the folks that know there is more then meets the eye in this world, the folks who know there is more beyond physicalism--even if you can't describe it perfectly... it's you folks in the middle, whether you are religious in someways, or not, you are probably more of my target audience... there are plenty of religious professionals that you can go read, and they are probably waaay smarter than me, and they are plenty easy to find too... i write to regular normal people that are interested in truth, and can handle brutal-honesty and adult-words too... i write to folks that don't live in utopic and insulated worlds/environments/communities, regular folks that know that folks cuss (which really just adds exclamation to what you are communicating)... most religious folks don't care for that, i can't blame them, but they are not my target audience, they have plenty of professionals to read... 
... and, then non-religious folks tend to think i'm a geek/nerd/dork/whatever, first of all--fvck you--and second of all, you're right/correct/spot-on... and if any of you folks ever get around with trying to communicate with God, just ask him, he'll tell you that i'm a first-class dork... if you can't bare to read my dorky words/ideas then you aren't my target audience either (but you should still come back and read something else some other time, i'm dumb not stupid), there are plenty of other things you could be reading, much smarter folks too... the regular/normal person in the middle that's interested in reality, it's you folks--and my kids--that are my target audience... i want my kids and their off-spring to know a little bit about me when i'm gone (or if they ever read this stuff before i pass), i write for my kids, to God, and to anyone else that cares to read, they are my target audience... i don't know what to tell the rest of ya... i'm just some guy that likes to write too much, i'm fine with that too...
... and there's one more thing that i want to clear-up for some occasional readers... the smart folks that know i'm a bit smart, but i won't test to prove as much, yeah, i know it's a bit of a crutch/excuse... i'm not well-read like you, and i'm not as quick a learner as you... and i know that already, so i don't feel any need to test to prove what i already know... im fact, not only am i smart, 
but i know that i'm completely ignorant about a bunch of things, life is full of some awesome things that i haven't a clue about, i know that i'm not impervious to Dunning-Kruger's observations... in fact, just ask God, he'll tell you that i'm a decent kid, and a world-class knuckle-head that never cared to know, or to reach my potential, not until a few years ago when my life was turned upside-down, experienced an ontological shock, and something of a personal 'revival', go figure... so go on, ask God, he might even tell you that i have more crutches then just being coy/koi about potential, he know's all of my defenses and tendencies and oddities, he'll tell you... how about this... whether you are religiousy or not, would you pray for me that i'll somehow pursue the maximization of my potential, or destiny, or whatever you like to think about such matters... would you pray that for me, i'm praying it for you, who ever the reader might be... may you always pursue things that you love, things that you're curious about, and things that challenge you, they all make life great, and, always pursue God, it won't be a waste of your time and energy, even though it may feel like it sometimes, many times perhaps... maybe the person who understands such things is my target audience, who knows... God bless. --   ct

07-25-23 more later:   trying to stay away from political stuff again today, i think i've done more than my fare-share of complaining about ill-hearted sneaky policy-makers/influencers lately, maybe more then my fare-share times three, or something... i read something about hunter, and exploits of art, and i gave some loving opinion and advice to him, but i'm more sincere then you might think... i think lot's of folks need an artistic way to express themselves (art is less extreme then cutting your balls off and acting like a female), maybe some folks don't try to find something artistic/creative outlet like that, or, they do it in different ways but don't call it that... i just think it's important to have a creative and therapeutic outlet to express yourself... writing, and other hobbies and things that i do help slow my thoughts down to a degree that feeds my soul, it sort of helps me process information that i consumed a bit more thoroughly, helps figure out what i need to research further to satisfy my curiosity/answers, and the like... and i've also had some seasons/periods where i self-medicated with unhealthy things to disassociate, and to numb some sort of shitty emotions, i mostly used alcohol/ethanol, it was perfectly legal just about everywhere, and somewhat socially-acceptable... cannabis was more satisfying then beer/wine/booze, it helped with ADD sorts of symptoms too, and without a hang-over, i tried a few other things here and there too, but nothing else really stuck... but, then there is coffee, caffeine... the ATF form 4473 asks potential transferees if they are users of certain things, but caffeine isn't one of them because most adults are addicted to it (or just happen to drink it routinely), and they have to draw a line somewhere, so caffeine suddenly isn't a stimulant in the land of the BATF, simply baffling... anyways... i'm being very transparent about previous risky and unhealthy behavior because i'm gonna shoot you straight-up, be real, and say that i empathize with folks that can't seem to shake certain addictions or behaviors... let's get you back to making sure you are taking care of all of the physiological requirements as possible, let's work on chipping away at the unhealthy things that you can't seem to shake, and how about exercising some sort of therapeutic/artistic expression, that can be good for the soul... anyways, maybe i threw a jab at hunter about tax evasion and child-support, but i'm more sincere then you know about the rest of the 'political post', it actually wasn't political at all, hunter is just low-hanging fruit, a reference that most folks understand... if the art keeps you from doing other unhealthy things then by all means you art up a storm... BTW, searching for God is always a good approach too, i'm a huge proponent of Jesus's teachings regarding God, that's some good stuff right there... anyways, i could talk negatively without end about my judgements of hunter, but sincerely hope he is able to turn his life around, and redeem what's left of it, i think it's actually my prayer for everyone, but don't tell my critics that, i want to give them a reason to keep blasting me...
 ... one more thing, my belated wrist surgery was rescheduled today... the Doc will have his way with my gimpy joint in the near future... i'm soliciting prayers regarding the whole ordeal... if the nice Doc sneezes at an inopportune time i may lose the ability to flip you the bird, or hitch-hike, or pick a booger... so start your praying, please :-)   -- ct
07-24-23:  if you don't communicate with me don't expect my help, unless you go through a third/fourth/fifth-party to do so, but that's just a pain in everyone's ass... anyhow, praying for some folks that don't communicate with me, yet i still respect... in the meanwhile, if anyone is to undergo surgery on lower extremities (load support) understand that the heavier you are the more difficult your recovery will probably be... crutches beat the shit out of your arm-pits/shoulders/elbows/wrists, a walker might be a better solution in the immediate days following surgery... if you have any chronic pain in your upper-extremities expect them to be exasperated while they make up for the additional support they provide until your lower injury heals... the anesthesia, pain meds, and lack of motion/movement will probably cause some constipation, be careful about how much starch and meat you consume while the anesthetics are still in your system, and start moving as soon as you can manage, blood-clots and infection are the biggest concerns immediately in the weeks to come, compression-socks are a bitch, and lastly, don't fvck-up the work that the surgeon did by doing anything stupid or setting unrealistic expectations, they probably charge double if they have to repeat the surgery (it's a joke), also, keep a pee-cup close by, it's hard to get to the bathroom on the other side of the house, and a bladder can only stand so much pressure... anyways... hip surgery was a bitch to recover from, the surgeon executed some remarkable procedures, he did his job very well, but he couldn't 'recover' for me, and despite all of the education they provided me, i still had to learn a few things the hard way... and pardon the opening to my post, i'm a bit bitchy sometimes, but if you are in some regular email/newsletter groups you expect to hear about certain things first-hand, not second-hand from a very peculiar source, good grief, and God bless. -- ct

07-24-23 later: fluid dynamics, i think that's my next hobby, i want to tinker with water a bit, and see what i can get it to do... not sure who to read, but maybe satisfying my own curiosity is a decent way to begin, that way i'm not overly biased... the ways/way that water/waters move--who knew such a thing would be interesting, what factors would make it a decent power source (besides the obvious and commonly practiced), i read some article or newsletter a while back that spoke to fluid dynamics, or similarly named thing, need to go back and dig that out, i suppose, providing it doesn't cause too much bias in it's own rite ... we'll have to see what type of property we end up moving to next, and see what it has for water-supply, and see if i can use it to help with our energy consumption/costs/demand... it must be, somehow, someway, a way that regular folks can utilize the energy by harnessing/amplifying the natural movement or gravitational effect of water's weight... we use steam, we split atoms, we make water-wheels, we use thunderous flows from dams... what other ways do we, or should we be doing with the water supply that we have, it must be cheaper than solar-panels, it's probably more noisy than wind-mills (if it's too loud it's a problem), and we can't just hoard/steal it all from critters, plant, and aquatic-life that require it, or steal it from our neighbors that also require it, it's a resource for every sprouting/flight/swim/walk of life... we need to consume it (i'm preaching to myself here as someone who doesn't stay hydrated enough), but what sorts of contraptions do we have to use water, to produce more energy than required to produce that energy... water is heavy, and that can be useful or an obstacle/hurdle (gravity and stuff), steam is interesting, and when the earth goes through it's next great cooling cycle we might need all of the heat that steam produces to help sustain life unless we want to be perma-frozen, and extinct... so steam is long proven useful and all, but what else, how else do we use it, what water sources will we have at our next place, i usually don't mess a whole lot with ideas unless they are to overcome an obstacle or a challenge, i'm a bit lazy like that... not sure why it's been gnawing at me lately, but it's an interest, and/so, now i have to go find that article or email, it might give some great insight, or a few good keywords to get me hooked on my next hobby... good grief, why do i do this to myself, why do i pursue so many things/projects, why do i do that to myelf ... i'll find a useful way to use it and not abuse it, what ever sort of contraption/physics/technology it will use... i'm going full-blown geek-mode when we move, we need a place to stretch our wings, produce as much of our own food as we can muster, and the same for energy consumption... i think there was a 'young sheldon' episode where the kid wanted to build a small nuclear reactor in his garage to help with his family's energy cost (he started buying up fire-detectors for power-source, it was a brilliant episode with plenty of LOL-things... so my disclaimer is that i won't go nuclear, but water, how do we use water, and can the contraption be portable, water is generally a free and readily available resource -- depending on where you live -- but it's also scarce to the point where there is famine in other places... i have a dorky idea or two for a contraption depending on different approaches, but why do i do that to myself, i know i have a zillion other things to do--now where's that email. -- ct
07-23-23:  here's a little 'sunday school' for you, it's three hours though, it's joe rogan podcast number 2008, his guest is S. Meyer... decent conversation, they speak of 'intelligent design', and 'creation theory/intelligent design'... Doc. Steve get's into 'religion' eventually, his stories in between the religious stuff is pretty cool too--also for sunday-school, or when you are doing chores and such.  --  ct

07-23-23 later:  the wife says that my latest cheap reading glasses are shaped like 'Ralphy's' from 'A Christmas Story'... she nailed it, spot-on Laura, it's a full-blown geek look... they came as a two-pack from the closest walmart... one pair is the dark-brown tortoise-shell (actually plastic), and the other ones seem to be a very dark blue tortoise-shell pattern (also cheap plastic)... did i seriously buy blue glasses, good grief, they won't make my brown-eyes look blue, but they'll pair well with a few of my tie-dye t-shirts... blue glasses, good grief  :-)   ct

07-23-23 more later:  avoiding news for a day or so, got out in the sun to work a bit today (it's a perfect summer day in rockingham county, but still need the a/c going in the old house), broke a good sweat, cut the grass and made it to the transfer-station, which--i always seem to call 'the dump', technically it's not a dump, but my simple mind is going to call it a dump anyways... had a veggie and potato based late lunch, and stayed pretty well hydrated (for a change), now i'm just chilling with some pleasant back-ground music in an air-conditioned room, pondering how quickly i should get in the shower after sweating so much, when is the bacteria going to start smelling, do i have time to relax a bit, or should i get in the shower to be pro-active about stank possibilities... i think i know the answer, i'm just being lazy and avoiding the obvious... but the living-room is so comfortable, and so is my desk chair... i'll try to get in the shower before anyone yells at me... HEY, i'm not thaaat uncivilized, at least i'm sitting on a towel  --  ct

07-23-23 a bit more later:  glad i didn't shower yet, i went back outside to move some bails of straw down to the neighbor's garden, and now i'm sweatier... i figured out how to get them in the wheel-barrel without having to lift the exceedingly heavy things, instead of lifting and rotating the weight i just have to tip the wheel-barrel back over with the heavy thing in it... it's more of a squat/leg-press motion, so i don't kill the hip rotating while supporting heavy weight... anyways, i might be sweatierer than when i started this post, but, the kicker is that my daughter took the bathroom, she beat me to the shower, dang she's quick.  --  ct

07-23-23 laterer:  i think i'm good with pistols and rifles after i pick up the hand-cannon (G-20) in the near future... next it's got to be a shotgun or two... i already got most of the 'scary creepy guns' than anti-gunners are targeting, so now i can start getting a few respectable shotguns to be able to hunt critters that shotguns are good for, they are good for LOTs of critters, ones that fly and ones that run... i've got the scary guns already, now the shotguns... i REALLY want to get a bow or two, but the gimpy holding/supporting wrist along with the gimpy drawing shoulder has me approaching bows with a ton of caution, not sure what weight to get, i'd like to hope that i'm going to get a bit stronger again--before i really start losing strength-- i'll probably buy a compound bow at some point, and then probably make my own regular bow, i haven't worked wood in a long time, too busy fixing and assembling things... maybe i'll start looking into wood selection now... awww, good grief, i've got a million other things to prioritize, i don't need to be thinking about making a bow right now... anyways... shotguns, that's probably the type of firearms i'd prioritize next... i like the shoguns where you can swap barrels out, and get a rifled barrel, and one for all of your chokes... i like a versatile one like that, but with the condition of my shoulder i need to think about a soft-shooting shotgun, maybe a 20g even... first the hand-cannon, then a solid shotgun platform to be able to harvest the various flying and running critters that require them... the population is so dense where i live they actually make you use a shogun to harvest most protein around here, you have to travel a bit before you can use rifles... black-powder is permissible a bit closer to home, and then bows are allowed just about anywhere, so bows should be a priority too, i suppose... good grief.  --  ct

07-23-23 about bed-time: i love seeing folks go to bat for J. Aldeen, i agree that he has nothing to apologize for, it's an anti-violence, law and order, and helping your neighbor son that also reminds criminals that your shit doesn't fly in the real world, maybe it flies in the insanity of the cities that you dwell in, but cities are actually just subsets of reality, over-populated/over-crowded geographies, and where the greater concentration of people the bigger the population of deviants, in fact deviants gang-up and pack together, once they network they hunt together... anyhow, if the cities couldn't get you to behave nicely with others, the small-town folks are only going to put-up with the shit that politicians let you get away with, aka, criminal behavior and victimizing others, there are greater populations of predators in greater densities of population, in fact, there may be even higher ratio of violent or insane predators in cities because shitty conditions with only a number of employment opportunities are huge stressors... for some folks cities are all they know, they don't know is a better option where things/life makes more sense, it's taken me quite a while to figure that out, and to realize how capable i am without depending on folks doing everything for me, i'm pretty sure they call that independence, but cities encourage and require hive-like reliance on workers/drones, and queens/royalty/elites... but folks trapped in the matrix of cities have a false sense of safety because they are surrounded by so many other people and familiar things that they don't consider the larger collection of deviant predators that they are surrounded by...
 ... small towns come with their own issues too, but there is space to grow or raise some of your own food rather then relying on the city-hive to supply all of your physiological needs, the air is typically better quality too, and it's easier to make more meaningful relationships when there are fewer people buzzing around you... anyways, i'm a city and suburb guy from birth, and now that i'm middle-age i'm trying to get to a decent small town in the near future, most responsibilities that we have in this area are finishing-up shortly... 'it's time for a cool change'... Aldeen has noting to answer or apologize for, nothing whatsoever... an anti-gun and exceedingly sensitive activist started the bitch-campaign against him... that's what communists do, they do what they do... attack like a pack of deviant predators... sometimes i troll and bite too, so i get it, but i also understand smear/cancel campaigns by overly sensitive fruit-loops... haters are going to hate, especially the ones that promote hate as a premise to end hate, it's a similar paradox to using racism to end racism, which just got over-ruled by the supreme-court, a branch of government that deviant predators are trying to minimize and destroy... anyways, good on you jason, preach it man. -- ct

if i read this every night before i go to bed will it work?  Time will tell  ;-)  looking to forward to reading it... purposeful sleep hygiene is something i need to take much more seriously, and meds/Rx aren't a great long-term solution... school me, Nick... school me

07-22-23:  J. Rogan got me again, he had the UFO discussion going with D. Trussell in episode 2009, and i was listening on my headphones in the other room (laptop in one room, me in the kitchen with wireless head-phones), and then spotify began plying episode #2010 with M. Andreessen as soon as #2009 ended, and they jumped right into A/I, and conspiracy theories, and cults, and propaganda, so they got me hooked to listen... and here's my response/answer to Joe's question at the 11:30 minute mark -- distracting is a method to cover-up, flee/flight/run-away (look, over there), or to hide... distracting is a reactionary defense-mechanism/technique to avoid the truth... he probably knows that, but took a couple too many hits of something before he started the show, you know that big-boy... but i sometimes think out-loud too, and have also taken a couple too many hits of something before i tried to ponder interesting things, i get it... but damn you, Joe Rogan, you got me roped into anther long-format podcast again... but thanks, i never heard of Marc Andreessen before--in act, i mis-spelled his name a few times trying to get it right for this post... who even spells Marc that way ;-)  -- my mind wanted to keep writing 'Anderson'... but, he seems very well informed, very smart, and just let it rip with his transparent opinions, brilliant.  [update: Marc is a good salesman for a/i, smart folks that create smart tools that can easily be exploited for bad either assume that only decent regular folks will use it, but don't like to admit how it's going to be used for bad/exploited, i think the thought is to create something powerful, and assume that only sane people with good ambitions/goals will use it wisely... one of my concerns with a/i is how capable it is of distorting reality for targeted audiences, a/i will easily create a virtual reality with ease... my concern is how the psychopath uses it to victim others, it's just that sort of thing, it's a limited intelligence that is only as good as the resources that it has access to, which in itself is a handicap for the technology... the technology seems to be pretty impressive, it will make the lazy or deviant opportunists excel in exploits, yet, it's very useful for decent purposes, but it's only as good as the data that it has access to, and whether or not the algorithm includes bias or is compromised... but, a/i is something that comes with plenty good and plenty of bad potential straight out of the gate.  --  ct

07-22-23 later:  i know some folks in the military, i was talking to one recently, and after telling them a story of experiences that i had back in the day i realized i may have been talking a bit too much, and said something like 'sorry, i've been babbling about the old days', and his reply was something like, 'that's OK, i like hearing about them'... that's pretty cool... i don't mind talking about some absurd things that i did in my youth, my stories usually are a bit entertaining, but i always follow them up with why it was stupid, and what lessons i learned since then, and that you are probably much smarter than me, and probably won't do stupid thins like that, because i was a first-class knuckle-head (maybe i still am), i'll give you the story, but want to make sure you aren't stupid enough to repeat my mistakes, the info in the stories come with caution... anyways, good chat... God-speed... make good choices... use your free-will and freedom wisely... practice mutual respect... don't let your ego or anger get the best of you, you actually posses self-control, you just have to practice it... every action has a consequence/re-action... keep good company... Jesus was real, and was exceedingly intelligent, did his best to expose phoney-ba-loney hypocritical religious leaders, and to clear-up a few exploited areas of scripture, and may have even possibly satisfied prophetic writings, that's for the reader to discern... remember your God at all times... it's God's pleasure that you even exist, so be a bit appreciative of creation and God's expectations, they aren't unreasonable... much of his expectations are common sense, and revolve around treating other folks with mutual respect, don't fvck with others in the way that you don't want to be fvcked with, and help folks that you are capable of helping (even when you might be a bit needy)... don't suffer fools, ass-holes, bullies, or con-artists... i dunno... i like to follow-up historical stories of my stupidity with the lessons that i eventually learned about such actions/behavior, the lessons i learned a bit late in life, the things i learned the hard-way... there are so many life-lessons that i learned the hard-way, that'll probably be a topic for a book someday, another project that i'm in no rush to complete anytime soon... nice chat mate, God bless.  --  ct

07-22-23 laterer:  i'm poking some hornet's nest again, poking a bit hard at some of them... didn't even use smoke to make them chill before-hand... let's see what type of resistance/push-back i'll trigger... i wrote a bunch on a few different platforms the past couple of days... here's poking at some members of the medical community that look down on folks that chose not to accept jabs of experimental serums over the last couple of years, have you had all seven of your scheduled shots, if not, tell me why... save your judgement for your fellow smarty-pants scientists who conduct gain of function research to further weaponize some of natures nastiest germs/bugs and allow those weapons to be unleashed on the world, save your indignation for those folks, use your energy and passion to change their actions/behavior, that's what i have to say to vaxx-cultists... go ahead and be a proverbial lab-rat, i don't care to be a test-subject proving/dis-proving someone's theory, let me know how it goes after ten years of adequate safety and efficacy testing, then maybe i'd consider it... fortunately that hasn't been a problem at the places where i've sought medical care--as far as i know.  --  ct

My Favorite Emoji

... i'm a middle-aged grown-ass man yet i've used emojis ever since i leaned about them -- confessions of a nerd -- i use the thumbs-up quite a bit, i use the heart one regularly too, i do the wink-thing quite a bit (because i can be a wise-ass, and i just want to make sure you know that i'm joking/playing/teasing, and then i love the sticking the tongue out, or 'raspberry' one too :-P, it's a sort of silly face like Einstein's famous silly-face, sometimes it creeps people out, sometimes it brightens a depressed person's day a little bit, and 'no', i wouldn't do the actual Einstein face in real life, at least not without sticking the thumbs in the ears and wiggling the fingers... anyways, i'm a sucker for the einstein-emoji... confessions of a middle-aged geek  --   ct

07-21-23:  i wrote a quick blog-post in the 'politics' section this morning, then put it out on substack, and also pushed the substack link out to linked-in, and facey-book... that's the extent of me 'advertising' for my simple writing... it'll be interesting to see what sources the substack post pings, there will be 'direct', and then a list of other places too... typically there are more direct views (other substack readers or authors) then from other sources, within a week the stats should be pretty telling.  --  ct

07-21-23 later:  i'm in a total comfort-zone regarding viewership/readers on this blog, still plenty low to fly under radar, but enough to make some impact... if i never gain anymore regular readers i won't complain a bit... as far as the substack post from today goes, the direct viewership is the third largest, then email/subscribers, and then faceybook the most, surprising so far... my linked-in profile is very obscure and incomplete and says that i'm an entrepreneur, and i don't try to promote or connect with others, i just put links to articles, so it ought to have little/few pings... linkedin was where i met the most resistance when i began writing 'in public', i got majorly fvcked with before i closed the account, i got folks from all sorts of weird places attacking me in various ways, so after i closed my account a year or two ago i was a little careful when setting up the new account, i don't need hits on linkedin, i'm not a professional anything... i'm surprised that the total hits aren't mostly direct substack, by Wednesday or so i'll have a better idea where the bulk of the hits come from.  --  ct

07-21-23 more later:  here's a question for UFO/alien believers... what is earth to aliens?  is it a touristy/vacationing hot-spot for foreigners?  is it a place for alien opportunists to make business plans with global elites?  is it a resource-rich planet that's ripe for harvest?  is it a place where more powerful entities can fvck with people like an ego-fueled game of chess?  what else is earth to alien life forms/things/whatever?  just watching and listening to joe rogan experience number 2009 with duncan trussell, and joe had to mention UAPs/UFOs, i don't follow that topic very closely, but it is an interest of mine... so what is earth to other visiting, or fully resident life forms, how special is this little speck in the sky that we inhabit, it's got to be pretty special, it's got to be pretty cool.  --  ct

07-21-23 later than before: i was reading C. Langan's facebook page recently, and he made a comment about a university program that he was interested in, but wasn't accepted, one reader asked why he would do such a thing, i had some speculations, and Chris gave his reasoning... it got me thinking about what sort of professional thing i'd go to school for, what sort of field, i have plenty of interests, but i think law might be the easiest for me, there are a bunch of professions that require special/technical vocabulary and language sub-sets, many of them are hard for me, but law uses a vocabulary that seems easy, the rest might be hard, but the language seems easy enough, it would have less dictionary-time than other professions, learning precedent and memorizing important cases would be probably be a bit hard... once upon a time i wanted to be a PCP, GP, or family doctor--which-ever you like--i didn't want it bad enough to try again after college got difficult, and after the come-to-Jesus moment shortly after i started college, but it was an interest, i forget most fancy math, so chemistry probably wasn't a great fit anyhow... i dunno, there are plenty of interests, but i think law would probably be my easiest route to a professional type of job where you can help folks and make a difference, there are a zillion things you could do with law after you get that gig for a bit, i'm still more interested in meta-physics then most other things, but getting some law degree and passing a bar, and finding an area to focus on seem like a decent way to make a difference, and you can certainly help try to change the world for the better by learning the system, pursuing truth, bringing deviants to justice, and keep injustice from happening... is that some pipe-dream that lawyers can actually do, or am i naive in that respect, i'm plenty naive and ignorant in many respects... but maybe that's what i'd do if i had the opportunity where i didn't have to sell my soul or integrity to seek higher education... i think law would be easier then trying to memorize the periodic table again, and learning fancy math again, and what the fancy molecule names mean, and some of the biology and chemistry that i tried to consume for a couple of months back in the day, but it was religious sorts of things that actually drew me away from the bio-chem program that i began to pursue... but i don't think i'm religiousy enough to pursue a degree in that field either... so i dunno, i have more important things to consider, the family and i plan to relocate to a different part of the country in the near future, so there is all that... i don't think i was really meant for secondary schooling, but i might be able to test-out for certain things if i study on my own for a bit, i've done that for a few things here and there in the past, but nothing really significant or note-worthy, but the whole idea of spending years going to all of the required courses doesn't seem the least bit appealing, you need it for some things, but other things feel more natural and make way more sense, sometimes technical language kicks my ass, the less i have to look at a dictionary the easier it is to learn, i'm smart in some ways, but fancy language doesn't come easy, neither does fancy math, the math did for awhile, but it wasn't interesting and i forgot it after i stopped practicing it, maybe it's hard-drive issues, or processor-speed, or some other capacity problem with my noggin, who knows, but i think law would come easier for a new credential, it uses some fancy langue sub-sets, but they aren't weird symbols, just some weird words, but not overly weird... there, that's my over-tired way of expressing a 'why would you do that' sort of thing for 'higher pursuit', because it would be easier than a bunch of other things, laziness perhaps, you just have to learn the rules, and precedent, and then pay attention to detail, and some other important things too, there are plenty of games within the game that you'd learn over time, i'm sure, but i think i have a pretty good stink-o-meter, and can usually find it in certain writing styles... OK, i'm just plain babbling, and spell-check can only help me so much at this point, i'm officially over-tired... good night and God bless. --   ct

07-21-23 bed-time:  it's a stormy and noisy night in rockingham county, from about 17:30 on it's been raining with some extraordinary rates/inches-per-hour from time to time, we've got some bright flashes, and some impressive thunder... the girls aren't so happy with the thunder, but it's not artillery, it's supposed to be a passing storm that doesn't have severe weather warnings, so i find it peaceful, i used to love watching storms over the sea too, if it's a bit wet and noisy but not severe weather then i don't mind so much, i'm going to bed with sounds of nature, hopefully no more loud booms, or power loss, those things typically suck, they are more palatable when they are expected, not unpleasant surprises...
 ... one last thing, to that person who thinks my writing style and choice of vocabulary is crude and offensive -- i didn't grow-up in the best of circumstances, i'm like your proverbial wolf-boy, or chimp-kid rescue sort of thing, i think i've evolved pretty well, so you can shove your requirement for refined and proper words up your ego's ass...
 ... but, hey--one more last thing--the weather is really brilliant tonight, probably because i'm in an adequate shelter, i could complain about it for hours, but i'm dry and temperate right now, and i'm not close to any creek thats rising, so i'm thankful... now, good night and God bless.   --   ct
07-20-23: i hope the surgeon had a great night's sleep, has a decent breakfast, is well hydrated, and isn't dealing with too many stressors today... fortunately, i don't really have to perform this morning, i had a few hours of very interrupted sleep, the only food i've had in the last 36 hours was a strawberry filled breakfast-bar of some sort around noon yesterday, and i haven't done a good job staying hydrated lately either--this morning's 'coconut water' is helping a bit... as far as stressors go, yeah, i'm managing/juggling a few... i got triggered in a way that i never saw coming the other day, what happened was something along the lines of receiving incorrect and totally wrong information regarding something that i was responsible for, when i first received that information it was joyous (bliss), because it was convenient and made someone else happy, but, a day later when i found out that the information was actually incorrect i felt like was tricked/deceived and maybe even like i was lied to, i wasn't, it was a mistake made by someone close to me who was very stimulated and exhausted from a very packed (and long) weekend, they didn't process certain out-dated information correctly, they weren't trying to screw anyone over, they were just wrong about something... the stressor for me was that i defended the incorrect information because i happen to love the person that communicated it to me, and during my defense of the information it never dawned on me that it could possibly have been wrong... i got in an argument with a stranger because i thought the information was correct because the source of the information is a loved-one... and then once i realized they were wrong i got a bit angry because i felt stupid, stupid because i presented and defended very inaccurate information--similar to how the covid-vaxx cult members must have felt when they started to realize they were duped/played... so that was my latest trigger for emotional/behavioral turmoil, it probably lasted a few hours... i literally felt betrayed because of my defense of unfactual information, and--by default-- defense of my loved one... that's something that i still really need to work on, when i feel like i'm defending a loved-one's integrity my blood-pressure goes up, the chest comes out, and--in some respects--i'm ready to fight... that's much of the problem with shit-head politicians that censor and warp reality through lies, the covid-cult members that regularly preached bull-shit, and polluted our minds with utter nonsense lied to millions of naive/ignorant folks that got triggered by false information, and i think that same sort of feeling came over me, it wasn't intentional lying the other day, but it was still a mistake that required more work to clean-up/fix then if the false information was never spoken to me... i think that the information was something that i wanted to hear, so i didn't verify--i had no reason to do so--and the cost for assuming was a few hours of some intense frustration as i figured-out what the truth was, and how much the false information muddied the waters... i need to verify information better, the world works much better when everyone tells the truth, it's a shame that regular liars/propagandists on news-channels fvck things up for the people that consume that info... maybe i just felt stupid after the fact... so that was a frustration that i needed to get out of my head and digitized to finish processing the experience... as much of a dummy that i felt like, the loved-one who communicated the false information to me might have felt worse, it was one of those life-lessons learned the hard way, for all involved... now... about today's arthroscope and ensuing procedures, i'm looking forward to coming back home, and eating some left-overs, maybe taking a nap, and to see what the doc was able to do with my painful/gimpy wrist... i made some humorous post the other day about whether or not i'll still be able to deploy the middle-finger on demand after the procedures, but reality is that a skilled surgeon is going to do his best to improve my quality of life, i'm not ready to be crippled in any of my joints just yet, and that's pretty much what happens when some of my structural defects and damage go untreated, they have gone untreated for too many years, and i'm thankful for the opportunity of medical professionals doing their best to help me, and i'm looking forward to my forced nap on the operating table, i had a shitty night's sleep... BTW, i'm soliciting prayer for the procedure, my recovery, and the flaw that triggered my anger/frustration the other day, i'm sure there are other things that i need to improve, and need God's favor/power to help with, so pray as led... thanks in advance :-)  ct
07-19-23:  i have the privilege of sitting in on a series of lectures and presentations today, not sure how many speakers i'll get to listen to, i'll give them as much attention as i can, and probably take a bunch of notes--notes that i'll probably never look at again... anyhow, it should be an interesting day... bring your A-game people, i'm keeping my bullshit-antenna fully erect/deployed :-) -- ct [UPDATE: i actually didn't take any notes, didn't have to today, maybe next time]

07-19-23 later:  the lectures went well, i learned a bunch about some assholes, and some of the ways that they wasted their energy and free-will on victimizing folks, and expressing their deviancy--every day can be a psychology class, a religious lesson, and a bunch of sociology, whether it was planned that way or not... also met an old Army guy too, he's not someone that i served with, but, if i had taken a different Army job--one that i strongly considered--then we probably would have crossed paths back in the day, i shouldn't call him 'an old Army guy' either, he's about my age... OK, 'old' works... it sucks not being able to take some ibuprofen today, the hips and hands are sore, so is the back and shoulders, can't even eat a cbd-chew--it ought to be worth it, though, after the surgeon does his thing there should be less pain in my life, well, that's the plan... OK, time for some TV with the family, the latest episode of Marvel Comics 'Secret Invasion', the writers are some very clever folks. -- ct

07-19-23 laterer:  that Marvels 'Secret Invasion' series packs a bunch of current events into some decent entertainment... the shitty thing about some action-packed shows is how i react to the scenes that are meant to jump-scare you, tonight i reached for a pistol that i wasn't carrying when a gun-fire scene began, it seems that i duck and reach, so that's the fight/flight/freeze reaction/reactions, my reaction was some weird ducking motion with another weird arm-block thing, and then i grabbed for the pistol that i already put away, those reactions were all in about a second--stupid movie/show... actually, my reaction shows how much they pulled-me into the story, it's a pretty good series, they are well done, they tell lots of stories in the series, it's the stories within the stories that makes a decent story decent, whether or not your audience understands them all is based on the individual, knowing who your audience is makes the story-telling easier, but the ability to successfully communicate with a wide-range audience is brilliant, do ten year olds appreciate it as much as their grand-parents, or great-grandparents, or folks in another nation, or men and women--at least that's my opinion... anyhow, i can't take an ambien tonight, so, i might be reading and writing into the wee-hours, we'll see, time will tell... i'm too tired to work on a writing project that i want to finish, and too tired to read something a bit heady that i want to finish, so maybe that means i should put the head to the pillow already, yeah, i'm pretty sure that's what it means, even though i'm not super-tired yet... g'night, for now. -- ct
07-18-23:  the wife is sick, out of work until friday now... did she catch a bug in ME over the weekend, or from work last week?  Symptoms weren't bad until this morning, antibiotics and pro-biotics are the order of the day, she's not in bad shape, but the throat is unpleasant with a couple of other uncomfortable symptoms too... she'd appreciate some prayer.  --  ct

07-18-23 later:  i just thought of a question for the hand surgeon, am i going to be able to flip people off after his procedures, if he can't guarantee that much i'm going to have to reconsider... if i can't pick a booger i suppose i can live with that limitation, if i can't hitch-hike i won't complain much, but if i can't give you the universal ass-hole signal, well... damn... i hadn't considered that possibility before now... what am i getting myself into?  the doc studied and practiced for years, i'm sure i'll be able to flip you off post-op, but only time will tell, i can only hope for the best, and not be stupid during recovery--that's probably my biggest challenge... in the meanwhile, let me get my fix of bird-flipping, hitch-hiking, and booger-pickering in before it's too late... for all i know i may not be able to work a tv remote before long, or flip open a knife-blade, or my cork-screw thing which opens wine... i've been taking lot's of hand things for granted, i could be a one-handed typist called Righty if the doctor sneezes at an inopportune moment, i might not be able to flip you off, or swing a golf club, or pick up a five-gallon bucket, or rake leaves, or do the dishes, or operate a baseball-glove... the hand does a zillion things, thankfully i can still do most of them, but the TFCC is kicking my butt and causing a bunch of fuss over the last bunch of years... my post-op expectations are that i'll still be able to flip you off, i honestly can't think of any situations that i'd really want to, but if your an ass-hole i might be inclined to tell you as much some day, with a one finger salute... heyyy, what are you lookin' at, pal  :-)  --  ct
07-17-23:  nice weekend, despite the rain, and the condition of the hotel room... glad my wife got to spend some time with her family... i was home in plenty of time for a phone-appointment, got to rest for a bit, got the wet and dirty weekend laundry going... it was nice to run onto one of my son's buddies on a walk down to the local convenient/country store tonight, he's back on his motorcycle after recovering from a nasty winter injury, glad he's getting some therapy (riding) in after being side-lined from the injury... good for you Kyle, nice chat... and it was nice chatting with the owners of the store for a while too, 'let us know if you need any help after your operation, we can drop something off for you'... that's a family that i respect, we don't 'hang around', but i consider them friends, they are neighborly in the biblical sense, despite our difference in religious practices/traditions and culture, despite those differences they 'get it', they are different but much the same... anyways, i sort of like socializing with folks from other cultures and backgrounds, and folks that have had their share of struggles to get to where they are today, most folks are full of great stories, even if they don't think their story is very special at all... maybe i'll write about other folks someday, folks that want to be interviewed and want their stories told, i've got a few of my own to finish penning... i dunno, sometimes i'm very interested in people, and sometimes i feel like i've had too much of people, i think i'm back to a good spot in those regards now, i'm not ready for customer service or direct sales again (not sure that i'll ever be), but this weekend was nice, i didn't feel like punching anyone in their mouth, so i think i'm in a healthier place then a couple of years ago, i was mad as hell at the world for a bit, now i'm back to where i can tolerate folks again, i'm mostly quite nice in my interactions with folks, but then you get a loud-mouth parasitic wannabe government whore preaching lies and the fists start to clinch a bit, the shoulders get tense, the chest protrudes, and my blood-pressure hits the danger, danger, danger end of the meter in a hurry--but it was a good weekend, not much tension, and the BP stayed in the happy-face zone... it seems that i've got some blessings to count... thankful for a decent weekend, and seeing extended family again, it was good therapy. -- ct
07-16-23: rainy day today, i'm not in rockingham county at the moment, but it's rainy there as well... without getting into details, i'd ask the reader to consider praying for my wife's dad and step-mom, we are/were visiting while Laura's sister and niece are in town also... however it is that you ask our creator for some favor/attention/assistance or a beneficial outcome, i'd ask the reader to please consider doing so... i'm not a very religiousy person, but i certainly believe in a very big God, that is also personal, and that we can communicate everything with that God (who observes the earth through us, so he already know's everything, all the things that we don't know as individuals, God know's on a whole corporate level what reality is... so prayers are always appreciated...
 ... i'm technically not a germ-phobe, i've got plenty of other peculiarities, but exposing myself to things in nature to help exercise my immune system is a concept that i believe in, with that said, i also have too much familiarity with militarized/weaponized pathogens, nothing very scientifical, but once upon a time i started to train for a job (eod) where they expected their technicians to be able to identify various toxins based on smell, physical state, etc... (i had to make 'flash cards' to remember the details) so, besides knowing practicing decent hygiene, and washing your hands before you handle consumables, germs/bugs/viruses/bacteria were just nasty things that occur in nature--and can kick the crap out of you when some of them get into your body somehow... and/then, understanding that folks weaponize those nasty things in nature was a bit shocking, mustard gas, anthrax, small-pox, lyme-disease, viruses... all extraordinarily nasty stuff, like when you use defoliants and radiation and other nasty things to ruin an entire population/geography with indiscriminate methods to kill large groups of people, in different ways, various amounts of suffering over different lengths of time... it's all barbaric... killing non-combatants (most women and children and disabled folks) goes against anyone's rules, although there are some old-testament bible stories where God has his people destroy entire races/geographies of people because the proliferation of evil/sin was beyond acceptable, but now-a-days it's considered barbaric, and so is killing woman/children/elderly/disabled, so that's one of the reasons why some of the civilized countries/states susbscribed to abandoning these certain types of 'cruel methods/weapons' of war... anti-gunners lose their marbles calling AR-variants weapons of war while supporting scientists and universities and labs fvcking around by making nasty things even more nasty, in the name of science, or military need... deviant creatures... anyways... back to my opening statement, i'm not really a germa-phobe, but when i'm staying in a hotel with an exceedingly high turn-over of tourists during the summer, well, i don't want any part of my body physically/contacting/touching anything in the hotel, maybe the bottom of my feet while showering, maybe my back-side when defecating, and my hands with the knobs and door handles and the like, otherwise i am keeping myself as covered as possible, long pants, long shirt, socks... and one observation, there are a couple of stains on the rug that runs the lengths of the hallway that stir-up thoughts of a crime-scene, and i thought that i might be tracking evidence around as i walked... there wasn't a chalk-outline, the area wasn't taped-off, but something didn't feel right--was i trafficking across sacred-grounds? ... so, despite everything that i just wrote, i still had the nerve to immerse myself in the 2,000 (apr,) gallon hot-tub, a possible collection-pool of every sketchy substance/cells/bacteria/organisms and human waste that you might conjure-up in your imagination... it's a rainy day, no one is outside, my wife wants to sit under the gazeebo while it rained, and i wanted to get in the hot water with some jets blasting away at my aches and pains, it felt good, but i also gave the possibility of pathogens that i might have subjected myself to much too much consideration to make it fully relaxing, i was able to meditate a bit, did a little stretching, it was like a tiny 30-minute vacation in the middle of the day... by the time the 30-minute timer stopped the jets it was raining pretty heavy, i shocked myself a bit by slowly making my way through the cold rain until i got back under cover... all you folks that preach the benefits of ice-baths, and cold-water sumbersion--what the fvck's wrong with you, man, i hate that sh1t, i have a slightly unhealthy appreciation for comfort, and i don't like shocking myself with extreme temps, but i damn-sure did that for a minute or two, and i hated every second of it, it's a suck that i don't like to embrace... but hey, if that's your jam, and keeps you from going nuts, then you do your thing, i think the whole concept is nuts, but i can be a crude-judgemental type, so take it with a grain of something... hot-tubs, extreme temp changes, boogers and bacteria, today didn't disappoint, it offered a spectrum of thoughts and sensations--part of me wants to take a sample from the hot-tub in case of future symptoms... and about those sketchy red stains on the rug--i did not witness anything, i was not a gun-man, and my apologies if i'm spreading evidence as i walk the grounds of the hotel--it wasn't marked as a crime scene, and it's on the way to the vending machine, sooo... 
 ... the guy that's direct contact with the public/customers/guests is a part of a culture/sub-culture that i have difficulty understanding, he's quite flamboyant and expressive and somewhat feminine, he also seems to be very good at his job as well... glad he got my jokes, i don't think he was just 'humoring me', some good self-deprecating humor is appreciated in most societies and cultures, he was sensitive/aware/specific to point-out that wasn't laughing at me, but because of what i said--cool man--that's what i expected, and i don't care if folks laugh AT me or not, that doesn't rub me the wrong way anymore, but thanks man... sometimes i have an issue of taking things/people too literal, and miss some humor, and not everyone is funny as they'd hope, either, so understanding/discerning humor is helpful in life, even if the joker isn't very logical in their joke, stating the opposite of reality is humor in itself when the joker is obviously joking, some folks don't understand that, if it's not literal/truthful then it can't be of any value... sometimes goofing around has some good therapeutic/entertainment value... depending on how withdrawn you are, or how stuck in thought you are, or how badly you are overwhelmed, or how deficient you are in physiological requirements you are (sleep/hydration, etc) you might never appreciate a good joke, or allow yourself the opportunity to laugh/chuckle out loud... i liken it to stopping to smell the roses, some folks are too focused or too busy or too distressed to appreciate simple things in life/nature... glad he had a good laugh, it was funny, and he got it... and your culture doesn't frighten me, but i don't have a long tolerance for loud and drama-packed acting or flamboyancy, i can get grumpy in a hurry, but i don't feel the least bit threatened by your culture, the fact that you got a decent joke, and was intelligent enough to know that his laughter could be taken indifferently speaks volumes... i've been in support and sales and other types of direct customer interface in the past, i have an empathy and appreciation for folks that do that sort of stuff, sometimes you feel like more of a therapist, sometimes you get a ton of folks at once, sometimes you are dealing with folks whose expectations are unreasonable and will never be met/satisfied, sometimes you are dealing with scammers/fraudsters that are trying to exploit your business model/policies, sometimes you are trying to understand what the customer is saying, even if they speak the same foundational language (english for me)... anyways, he is good at his job...
 ... the Maine Diner was spot-on for a late breakfast, i should fast for a day or so, i've got some calories to work-off... and ... lastly, i'm glad that the ladies (and possibly gentlemen) at the bachelorette party a few doors down from us wasn't ou of hand, i was a little worried about you when i saw the adjoining and decorated hotel-room doors,  but you must not have had too much fun, because i slept like a log.  --  ct
07-14-23:  Massachusetts is just plumb fvcking crazy... it's where i was born and raised, and i have too many friends and relatives in MA to just out-rite avoid it, but the unconstitutional power-grabs by over-controling elites that claim to represent the normal majority of their geography is enough to make a guy vomit in one's own mouth... i'm less than five-minutes to the MA border, but i avoid it as much as possible... the douche-bags proposing/making rules in MA will never Ever EVER make any guarantee to actually protect anyone, but they don't like normal folks being able to protect ourselves and our unalienable rights... you fvcking morons at the top of that swamp-heap actually think you are contributing to some moral high-ground, well some of you do, the rest know what the fvck you are actually doing, stripping folks of logical self-defense... shit-heads... governments were invented to 'control' masses, some folks think more rules and bigger government is better, smart folks know that philosophy is garbage... at least NH offers less restriction and a logical/constitutional approach to firearm ownership and safety, MA is living in a john lennon dream, a pipe-dream where everyone exercises decent use of free-will which doesn't necessitate protecting against human and non-human predators... let me know if you ever find that place, i might come join ya, until then it's a phoney-baloney utopian pipe-dream/theory... MA communism is still alive and well... MA is an experiment gone bad, and parts of the country are doing their best to out-run MA over the same communist-cliff, one where only the elite's security is armed.  --  ct

07-14-23 later:  C. Langan is evolving into a very good communicator, he read tons of heady publications in his youth, and eventually published some papers spoken in the technical vocabulary of the intellect, i like to call his early works 'super-IQ written to other super-IQs', he spoke the language of those whom he was 'ministering to'... anyhow, he's gotten pretty good at communicating to regular folks over the years, the labor he put in to securing bar-rooms must have done him some good in learning to speak the common-man's language too... i made the mistake of opening his latest substack while i was practicing attention deficiency, so, despite his simplified writing style, i'll have re-visit it again tomorrow, when i'm fresh, and the house is quiet... tonight was reserved for some TV-watching, the wife and i watched the latest episode of Alone, reading will be reserved for tomorrow morning.  --  ct

62 grain 223 vs. 300 grain 458

Single stack vs. Double stack

Is that a 30 round AR-15 magazine?

perhaps, but a standard AR-15 30-rd mag only fits 10 rounds of 458scm

... Elk, Moose, Bear, Hogs beware -- SCS, TUI

cotton-candy... is it really?

i thought someone in the house actually bought pork-rinds until i read the label... so... maybe the bag wasn't quite sealed?  It is the middle of July, and it's been awfully humid around here :-)   --  ct

07-12-23:  sometimes i write about violence, and shooting, and killing—and, probably far more than a 'good Christian' should, much of that has to do with some extreme violence, and some extreme deviants and psychopaths that i've had the displeasure of interacting with... i've recently watched a Russell Brand podcast with Tucker Carlson as his guest--i appreciate those two guys and agree more than disagree with them. One of the things that both of them agreed upon (based on Tucker's statement) that violence and capital offense are never any good, they are just plain wrong... i love peace too, i'd love a world absent of evil, one where folks only use their free-will, intelligence, resources, and creativity for kind loving peaceful things--who wouldn't? So in that respect, i sort of agree with them both... BUUUT, i actually think that capital-punishment/death-sentences are morally justifiable depending on the crime and brutality and maybe a few more considerations... BUT--then again--the problem with the criminal-justice system delivering a judgement for a sentence to death is that the very same criminal-justice system also gets things wrong sometimes, wrongful imprisonment based on deviant witnesses/investigators/prosecutors… however it happens that some folks get wrongly-imprisoned is plenty bad enough, but a sentence to death based on false testimony, or legal-system abuse/exploitation, man, it's sad to think that happens, that some scape-goat bares the wrath/punishment of another person's crime, but reality is that sometimes that happens, maybe not very often... but other ‘sometimes’ everyone knows that we know that we know that someone committed extra vicious crimes, and i'd make the argument that dispatching that person might be justifiable under certain conditions, which brings me to consider certain hypocrisies/ethical-compromises/paradox.

 There is this other thing, this moral paradox where people that abhor violence, and the act of killing another human might consider if there were any circumstances where they wouldn't preach peace and forgiveness at all cost... similar to the folks that champion or defend abortion, 'but what if thiiis happened, isn’t it OK then?' sorts of apologetics/defenses... i got to tell you, when you start tearing into the folks that have no problem fvcking people over because they think the debt of their victimization and exploitation of others is cancelled-out if it's to accomplish a goal that they think is morally superior (ends justify means), you might begin considering all of the 'red lines', or 'lines that you drew in the sand', and absolute ethical boundaries which you've set, maybe to see how you might approach certain matters if you were placed in some pretty strange circumstances to make sure you really know what you believe about certain things, why you believe what you believe, is it true for every circumstance, have you ever factored/considered ANYTHING else, other data/variables/operators and the like?

 I don't really know what underlying psychological problems that i may or may not have, but i offer 'too much information' on my blog for many reasons... and the reason that i just wrote that is to offer the reader one question, if you were in a position where you could dispatch a 'coyote' that's in the act of smuggling woman/childen or other slaves across the border because they are a part of a human-smuggling cartel would you intervene, and if so, how would you intervene? What if i pull a trigger, and execute a perfect shot to remove the life of a person that is involved with the regular practice of victimizing and exploiting the most vulnerable people in the world, what does that make me, maybe i'm a poster-child for some DSM category of human-malfunction... i don't think anyone really wants to kill someone else... i have zero desire to take a human's life, but i would take the shot to dispatch a human-trafficker any day, in fact--i would take the shot multiple times per day if necessary, and--furthermore--i'd take those shots day after day after day if i was in the position to take them... what does that make me? I’ll give you a hint, i’m not a psycho OR sociopath… There’s another thing that i'd offer to those who abhor violence of any kind under any circumstance, i'd say that you're free to call me anything that you want to, but i'd call you a pvssy with no back-bone if you wouldn't take the shot to rid the world of a deviant that routinely uses violence to exploit people as a life-style choice, free-will offers endless choices--the complete Pacifist can go find their sippy-cup, and grab their security-blanket while Realists handle the issue... call me what you want, find me in your DSM-5... maybe i'm some perfect clinical example of personality or functioning flaw, but i categorize myself as sort of a sheep-dog, i don't like violence at all, but i'll dispatch a deviant predator or slave-trader with little consideration about whether a complete pacifist is going to be outraged by use of deadly force... Oh, sorry, i'm sort of talking about the subject of human trafficking, child exploitation, sexual slavery and organ-harvesting... here, just watch this, OK.

 A couple more quick points... folks that criticize the new film called 'The Sound of Freedom' are--without question--working on behalf of evil, and they are flaunting their predatory-deviancy for the world to see... and last, brandon administration's open border policies fuel human trafficking and exploitation, and organized crime... only ignorant or networked perverts will claim otherwise.

Well, go on and judge me, tell me what’s wrong with my logic, tell me what’s wrong with me, or ‘my spirit’, kindly explain some paradox that i live by, please. Cheers. -- ct

07-12-23 later:  the folks at Marvel Studios are pretty clever in the way that they tell certain stories, 'The Secret Invasion' is brilliant.  --  ct

Lord, Forgive me for What I'm About to do

... it doesn't matter what religion you belong to, it's just wrong... to the Christian it's gluttony--perhaps--this must be close to a pound, to the Vegetarian/Vegan it's a shit-ton of a former living critter that i'm consuming, it's bovine to be a bit more accurate... and to the Jew it's not just one piece of cheese on top of the beef-patty, it's two of them, and to the Environmentalist it's a whole bunch of cow-farts that the world had to suffer so i  could eat well tonight, and to the Alien--well, we like the lean muscle, not sure why you all like the eyes and what ever it is that you take during the cattle mutilations and such, you alien folks are just weird, the meat is where it's at... may God forgive what ever it is that i'm doing to my body right now, it must not be right, it can't be... time will tell, i still have to digest it  -- cheers  --  ct
07-11-23:  happy seven-eleven, don't know why you'd celebrate it, but mom said that i was seven pounds, eleven ounces when i finally escaped to the outside, aka, born..., only grew to 68 inches, got close to 200lbs once or twice, now i'm in the high 170s on my way to my preferred weight of 165lbs, fighting weight is 155, but you'll never see me fight in anything that requires weight-class, never, Ever, EVER... but i would fight in an open weight class :-) ... i'm so unconditioned right now it's pathetic, i'm close to 30 minutes on an exercise bike, but i don't think i'd last a single five-minute round with anyone right now, i do need to get over to the Y today to move my legs and hips and get the cardio-vascular exercised for a bit, i'll tie it in with another errand that i have... even 175lbs is a decent goal for me, then 170, then the happy-face 165... but, i've been flirting around the 182 down to 178 for the past few weeks, my eating is pretty good, but we slip some dinner that falls under the 'comfort-food' (starchy) category one or twice per week, otherwise, i'm eating decent foods, but haven't been moving enough to shed weight any faster, and i don't take any nutritional supplements to assist with weight-loss, so there is more that i could do to get back to my comfort-zone for my favorite weight... i ought to be able to chase grand-kids around when that time comes, having the ability to exercise/play a little bit, the ability to work the ground and turn some wrenches, and the ability to sport/play with family members is probably all that i really want to do in the future, i'd like to be able to hike or climb too, i suppose... i don't know how much golf or tennis is really a possibility anymore, but i'll give them both a try after the gimpy joints are repaired and strengthened, and my heart and lungs are better conditioned again, i can't tell you how much better i feel then four months ago, my hip is pretty strong now, and mobility is getting decent again, too... the wrist is going to get cut in the very near future, the TFCC and surrounding tissue/bones have been a weak-point for years now, can't wait to see what the Doc can do to improve the gimpy wrist.  [UPDATE 07-16-23:  checked myself out in the big hotel bathroom mirror, damn i'm chubby, getting a distinct gut, and my arms are thinning, i'm not just getting soft, i'm about 75-percent there... i've got to figure out how to move and tone this aging body without breaking it any worse]  --  ct

07-11-23 later:  just watched the video series 'Dysfunction to Dynasty', it's a decent docu/interview series of some Robertson's from the show 'Duck Dynasty' , their breaking points, the depths that climbed back out of... thats some good watching right there... i like the advice that the old-timer gave to young Phil, 'follow God, be nice to neighbors, and try to be good... can you do that?'... when you begin to understand the significance of Jesus, and you understand that he taught some very reasonable and important things, and that following his system of philosophy and even humility, well that's some cause for celebration, that you have awakened, but that's only the beginning... self-discovery of your potential and talents, how to be capable and useful to provide for your family's physiological and spiritual needs, and doing the same or your neighbors and community, while continuing to exercise the two most important commandments, thats some of what the rest of your life will be like, everyone's journey is different/unique, just as we all are, everyone's talents and short-comings are pretty unique too... everyone is going to do some remorseful things over the course of their lives, learning how to self-correct that behavior that you understand is wrong might be a long struggle for some folks, but that new found freedom is worth pursuing/chasing, over-coming challenges/trials/set-backs is like an athlete beating their personal best, it really makes you feel alive when you finally do... i'm not a professional religious person, so take my opinion with whatever size piece of salt you like, but choosing to live a more meaningful life, where you are moving well, thinking clearly, being considerate to neighbors and the earth that we have to share, contributing to society as well as you know how, positively contributing to the nurture/growth/development/health of future generations, and choosing to work with/for The God of all Creation are all signs of intelligence, that you 'get it', and logic, and a decent heart/mind/soul, that's sort of my opinion on the matter... it's also my opinion that God/Logos/Love never died, they just aren't being pursued by enough influential people at the moment, and too many boarder-line believers aren't passing on some of the spiritual teachings and principles of their ancestors to future generations, especially when kids are encouraged to participate in indoctrination (public education) that actively discriminates against logical religious teachings under an exploitation of 'separation of church and state' sort of demand, pathetic... anyhow, glad that the Robertson's were able to be transparent about their low points, and how understanding some of God's principles, and with God's assistance, had lead them to a much more healthy state of mind/body/soul.  --  ct

07-11-23 more later:  these spooks are basically actors/actresses, one's who have to be able to handle themselves pretty well, and understand how to remove or plant information/intelligence... something like Ranger and SERE schools would probably be useful (i've never done either), but spooks are just technically and physically capable improvisation-actors... it seems a shame that so many of them get compromised over the years, but if you live outside of reality and act for long you probably start to justify anything that you do... i dunno... i've met with some clever folks like that before, and for all i know i might even be chatty with some now, but actors that belong to cults (yes, a government can be a cult) are an interesting breed... i can act pretty well, but can only keep a straight-face on for so long before i crack myself up with the absurdity of my charade, if i ever took the path of being a spook i probably would have been roasted during the first assignment..., i can act, but not totally disassociate myself from reality, so maybe i'm a bad actor... acting can be incredible, but when you remember that it's just acting it's kind of hilarious, like most news-casters/anchor-folks, some of those actors and actresses crack me up trying to maintain some image (act/gig) while playing a creepy spook behind the scenes, some of them really crack me up, straight-up belly-laugh... oh, my apologies, this is the piece that triggered my post... cheers -- ct

07-11-23 later than before:  spent a few hours visiting extended family tonight, good to see some loving faces and spend time with some like-minded folks,nice dinner, and a walk on the beach... Father in law is getting pretty weak, it's a little hard to see, but it's a part of aging, it's reality, nothing that grieving could/would change... tomorrow is supposed to get hot and muggy again, the only place i have to go is to the Y to burn some calories and work the hip, otherwise seeking refuge in the conditioned-air... too tired to really write now, but thinking about a bunch of things today, stuff to write another day.  --  ct
07-10-23:  Russell Brand hosting Tucker Carlson the other day was a good watch, you get a little chunk of it on Youtube, but Rumble has most of it, but you have to fast-forward some forty minutes or so for it to begin, Russell bounces chunks of his episodes on multiple interfaces/platforms... those guys are a couple of folks with similar (but different) view-points that i share, God/Family/Country, reality versus bullshit, etc. -- ct

07-10-23 later:  on the video link above--around the 1:05:50 period Tucker explains why he uses social media as a transition between jobs, he explains that he has to write to organize/complete thoughts... '...i can't think clearly without writing...' -- '...i need to write things out, very dyslexic and i can't --you know--have trouble processing information in certain ways, and unless i'm forced to write a script i can't really decide how i feel about something, and so the daily--or regular--discipline of writing a script forces me--and sometimes it forces me...' -- '...but, if i have to, i will, but there is something wonderful in that, and, so--as you know--writing a script forces you to think through everything about the issue...' -- '... but i don't think i could go very long without writing or my IQ would drop dramatically, i don't think i'd ever recover'...
 ... i have that thing too, i'm afflicted with a similar ailment, that need to write to help organize--maybe even complete--my thoughts... sometimes i have to draw flow-charts, or diagrams to help connect dots to help organize my thoughts more completely, i don't know if it's really dyslexic, i think it has much to do with the amount of information that you consume, and at what speed you consume it--our unique processors can only compute so much info at such a rate of speed, and then we pull out the bits of that information to see if it passes our individual 'smell test', true or false statements... or, whatever sorts of priorities we assign to the info that we consumed, and what sorts of likes/dislikes we have, what other dots do we connect from the consumed info, how we feel about all of it, etc... the amount, the depth/density, the speed of consumption, whether some of that information is slowing down other processes, if our noggins are running at optimal levels based on our body's physiological needs being satisfied, how much time we feed our curiosities to make more sense of what info we consume... there are tons of reasons why need to classify and reconsider information that we consumed... not everyone has a hot-rod motor running their noggin/processor, some of us need more time to digest experiences and information, we require a sort of 'paging-file' because processor and RAM alone aren't enough to compute all that we sense and/or consume... anyways, i haven't finished the full video yet, and i have to go run some chores/errands, so--cheers. -- ct

07-10-23 laterer:  so this is interesting, it's a good test of law, it's simple copy-write law though, but the outcome could begin the restriction of a/i ... the problem with a/i isn't that you created something to help people cheat on their intelligence, or, make lazy people appear much more capable, but the problems with it involve the obvious ways which an exploitable product (algorithm and networked data) is already being exploited by smart lazy people--OK, i guess that part is a problem... anyways, there seems to be some universal law that everything/anything good will be exploited to use for evil purposes... but it's not really a universal law, i think the more accurate idea is that everyone comes with free-will, but not everyone uses their intelligence very well, some folks are too smart for their own good, some folks hate being restricted by morals and ethics, they want to use their intelligence and resources to break the New Testament's so called 'Golden Rule' (kind mutual respect and civility), that's much of the problem with certain technologies, is knowing damn-well that they will be exploited for negative purposes, copyright-law just protects folks from stealing, basically, that's an issue discussed in the ten-commandments, some folks think the sustainable and logical principles illustrated in the ten commandments are far to restrictive for their own personal freedom, they don't understand that the simple principles outlined in the ten commandments are actually protecting their personal freedoms, which is the logic of mutual-respect, it's the easiest way to remember logical confines of making good use of your free will -- mutual respect -- anyways... folks don't like their things getting stolen, and people that do steal from others subject themselves to the victim's reactions, stealing comes with occupational hazards that most folks aren't prepared to receive in response, much of the hazard is not understanding consequences of their actions, not understanding that actions generally come with an equal but opposite reaction, it's not understanding cause and effect... but simple morals/ethics are generally distorted and called things like 'over-restrictive', or 'loss of freedom', so Occam's razor for law is whether you violated other people (mutual respect), and maybe did you violate the earth to the degree where you are violating future generations who also have to rely on the same earth to provide for their physiological needs... anyhow, good luck Sarah, and others, it ought to be an easy win, don't settle for anything less than a zillion bucks, otherwise the uber-rich are just going to keep stealing from other folks, they won't learn any lesson about exploiting others until they have to pay, and the masses know about their illegal exploits... folks with various levels of psychopathy have various levels of self-regulation, so-called 'successful' people are no exception, it means they are more capable and can probably exploit others for longer periods of time without getting caught, before they are forcibly corrected/institutionalized. -- ct

07-10-23 more later:  you have no idea how much spell-check saves my pathetic-ass... if i used MS Word instead of just typing in this web-editor i'd also have grammar-check, but screw that, i have to display some flaws, blemishes, warts and all... so the idiot that critiqued my use of poor grammar, and mis-use of certain words--i see what you are doing there, aren't you a clever moron, but in other standards... yes you are, you cute little thing... but thanks for exposing some remaining insecurity, the one about not being perfect, but being real instead... jack-ass, i know perfectly well that i make many mistakes, i'm just not as uptight about my own personal flaws and ignorance... how about you, how secure are you in your own skin, mate?   :-)  ct

07-10-23 past my reasonable bedtime:  there is a group that i appreciate on facey-book, sometimes folks ask questions expecting a fortune-cookie/meme response, sometimes you could answer with an occam's razor, simple true or false statement, other times you tell them how to build a clock... i have no business answering some of the posed questions, there must be some DSM classification for this particular ailment/short-coming/weirdness of mine... i don't know if i'm prepared to hear it either, but i try to give practical examples using the language exhibited by the questioneer, i should really just shut-up and control my impulses sometimes, but sometimes it's hard to discern trolls from genuinely inquisitive folks... anyhow, individual responsibility, and whether we are chosen, or we choose to follow God, those were the heart of the questions... the theme coincide with a personal project, so it's low-hanging fruit for me... there are more factors involved such as the actual intent of the question, and what sort of response did they expect to trigger... i'm a fan of long-story, example-rich responses, but most questions can be answered with a few short sentences... sorry CTMU folks for inserting myself into your conversation/platform, but not sorry for the actual content of any of my responses... it must be a pain in the ass to have so many folks asking so many questions all of the time, i seldom get any on my blog, and most of them are trolls, they get public responses, the folks that i think are legit get more personal replies... the ctmu folks must have been plagued by a zillion questions already, most of which are repetitive, i don't seem to have that affliction, nor do i aspire to be afflicted by such a burden, no thank-you... i don't care for the minimal attention that i receive, it's not very comfortable really... i can see why some folks get frustrated and cranky by some questions, it must get old in a hurry... OK, it's beyond my reasonable bedtime... so... so long, farewell, it's time that i must go'ooo... good night, Good-night, GOOD NIIIGHT. -- ct
07-08-23:  it's hazy/overcast in rockingham county, we might get some relief of the sunny-hot-humid weather that we've had over the last few days, it'd be nice to give the A/Cs a little rest, too... i have plenty to write about, just not sure which project, or topic to delve into, there are a few 'front-burner' things, but... well, time will tell.  (UPDATE: it actually got sunny and just a little on the hot side today)--  ct

07-08-23 later:  check out the moronic-Britts, glad we escaped the grips of idiots that wear white wigs and have incredible superiority-complex... even fully educated/licensed/accredited professionals can't fix crazy, stupid, or lazy... stupid fvcking Britts, you folks are beating America to the idiot-fest finals... well, California is trying to do that on their own, though--the morons in charge of CA probably think you Britts are brilliant... good grief.  --  ct

07-08-23 more later:  the folks at Ft Scott just announced their 458-SOCOM bullet and ammo release today!!!  i must have smelt it in the air, i might even present symptoms of a bro-mance... now i need a payday to order some... the timing is awesome, the 16-inch barrelled 458 upper receiver is complete, it just needs an eotech and it's ready for live-action... i've got to calculate the muzzle energy of a hot 300-grain bullet out of that barrel, it's got to be pretty darn high/impressive... but no rush, brontosaurus-season isn't for a few more months still.  --  ct

07-08-23 laterer:  so here's my 'concept' for a T-Rex worthy hunting cartridge... similar concept of the 458scm, you start with a 76-caliber projectile, and fit them into the widest size brass that will fit in an AR-10 magazine, single-stack like the 458... holy-smokes... i'm telling you what... 75 caliber sounds more logical/universal, but '76 definitely sounds more American (1776), so who wants to invent the '.76-USA' round with me, there may not be a huge market, but what's not to love about the sound of that caliber?  i mean, besides the cost-per-round, of course... if the 308 is about 1.3 times bigger than a .223 then we are looking at about a sixty-caliber something or other to size-up from the 458, but you must be able to eek .60 out to .76... i dunno, that's not really my jam, but would be a fun rainy-day project to explore  :-)  --  ct

07-08-23 later then before:  interesting day, finally able to get outside to work a bit, walking and cutting the grass wasn't much of a strain on the repaired hip, but moving the bales of straw are another story all together... the last three days of sunshine and high-heat weren't enough to dry them out from the two weeks of rain--those suckers were two to three times heavier than they are dry... i'm definitely a bit weaker than pre-op (april), which is fine, i'm still strong enough, but lifting while rotating the upper body is about the weakest part now/still, lifting heavy things while twisting still sucks, for sure--the surgeon said 6-months minimum for a full recovery, i'm at three now, and maybe 80-90 percent strength and mobility, i can't complain--as much confidence that i had in the surgeon's capabilities i still had no idea how my fifty-something body/tissue would heal from the procedures that he did... one of his colleagues is going to scope my left wrist in a couple of weeks, he said since my wrist isn't load-bearing, so it ought to recover much quicker than the hip... i still haven't geeked-out and looked up the various ways they try to fix the TFCC, but even he's not completely sure what he has to do until he works the camera into my innards, the MRI w/contrast (arthrogram) only shows so much, and he's not completely sure what part of it is actually torn, and to what percentage... he might just scrape some of it away, but might repair it too (drill and sutures), time will tell... i'm feeling blessed that the tendons aren't screaming at me anymore in and around the wrist, i was seeing a baaad one a couple of months ago--using crutches greatly exasperated old injuries of my wrist, and the shoulder on the other side--so Heather gave me a cortisone injection, and suggested a better brace, and they have helped a bunch, but so has avoiding things that i know usually hurt, the combination of all three things certainly improved the pain level, but it's never going to just 'get better', so i'll let the pros do what they do, and keep telling myself that maybe i'll be able to drive a golf-ball a country-mile without dropping the club and crying like a toddler who is looong overdue for their nap... maybe someday, who knows... Dr Ben (hip and shoulder) seems to think that i'll be able to train pretty hard someday again, i know i won't be kicking a heavy bag anytime soon, but i ought to be able to feel a bit more young again, maybe run around and chase a ball or something... aging, damaged, and out-rite 'gimpy' joints are something else, i might still end up crippled in some capacity someday, but it probably won't be in the joints that the pros are helping me with... my job in recovering from the surgical procedures is to protect from infection, and to keep moving--oh, and don't do anything stupid with the joints--that may sound easy to you, but some-days i'm the village idiot, so--you know--there's that. -- ct

07-08-23 a bit more later:  so there is this thing that some people do, in fact, i did it after a religious conversion of sorts back in the late 1990s--and probably a bunch of other times to--when we become aware of our short-comings/screw-ups/sins we not only try to change our behavior (self-correct),  but then we let folks know why we 'stopped doing this, or why we 'started doing that', we try to 'save the world' by preaching/warning them of repeating our previous mistakes, and the dangers involved... not going to write anymore about this topic, it's just a place-holder and/or a note for me to finish some thoughts, hopefully tomorrow when i'm not so tired, it's only 21:44 and i'm spent, kaput, toast, poke-me-with-a-fork done... selling our repentance to the world, i think that's one way of saying it, just not very completely though... g'night  --  ct

07-08-23 past bed-time:  i just deleted the entire contents in the spam-folder without checking through them... hey... if you sent me something important that mit have got caught in a spam-filter then please resend--but seriously, of all the times that something important get's filtered into a spam folder it would be tonight... i should have went to bed hours ago, now i'm actually thinking about whether or not anything important/legit may have been incorrectly sorted from a spam algorithm -- you see, that's part of my problem now, isn't it, good grief... good night and God bless.  --  ct
07-07-23:  lots of car-juggling going on around here lately...a month ago we had two cars in the driveway, one that's pretty reliable, and one that is not... now there are four of them out there, with one on it's way out of our lives in the very near future...
 ... it went something like this...
 ... the youngest daughter was gifted a decent little used car for her graduation...
 ... the oldest daughter is sick of her old car and bought a much newer one...
 ... the old volvo00that's under my wife's name officially--failed this year's inspection to the tune of a few thousand dollars worth of repairs... so the wife and i bought our oldest daughters 'old-car' for a bit more than what they offered as a trade-in...
 ... car-juggling/shuffling, whatever you like to call it, there's a bunch going on around here lately... the old volvo is either going to another enthusiast, or the junk-yard in the next week... and then there will be three... the car we bought from our daughter is pretty comfortable on my hips, it's a decent height for me, so it seemed like a no-brainer to buy it, especially when we got the news about the volvo... i still want a good volvo 240 someday, when we get around to getting me a car--either that or a truck, a truck would probably make more sense, though... car-juggling, who knew it was even a thing. -- ct

07-07-23 later:  buy some ammo and get some free explosives... love that considerate gesture... what a pleasant surprise when i opened the box today, i knew i qualified for free shipping, and the sale was the icing on the cake, so the ammo (for a new caliber in my collection) was much cheaper than good ammo ought to be, but when i saw that i somehow qualified for a free 'exploding target' thingy, well what a pleasant surprise... only one problem, i live far too close to other folks that i can't even use the stuff... well, it's the thought that counts, so thanks to the nice folks from Ft Scott, i appreciate the gesture... now how about start producing the 458 SCM rounds already, I've got a new 'big-bore' build that wants to get broken in :-) ... no rush, you folks are busy doing what you do, but i sure hope that you start cranking out some sweet 458s in the near future, but i won't hold my breath... the rounds that i received today are suitable to hunt black bear at relatively close range for folks with the genitalia to do so, i won't be, in my case it's for a handgun that i'd reserve for back-woods protection, a back-packing gun to some extent, not for everyday use, no need for a hand-cannon for everyday carry... i think the FBI was silly to abandon the cartridge when they did, much more stopping power than the 9mm, and more than 357sig... the 10mm is like a .40 s&w on steroids, the folks at Ft Scott make a very good companion round for your back-woods back-packing hand-cannon, i'm thinking of switching to their ammo for every cartridge represented in the gun room, solid-copper-spun bullets/projectiles seated in re-loadable brass with top-notch primers, it's hard to go wrong with that... can't wait to run a magazine of them through the hand-cannon, and see what that baby can do... i'm entirely too creative of a person to give 'tannerite' to, but self-control with such compounds always wins the day, even if you have a stubborn tree stump that part of me would like to send into orbit... besides shooting, demo-range days were the best parts of being a Combat Engineer who also trained some with EOD folks, it's satisfying and exhilarating to execute controlled detonations, and to use ordnance for a very specific desired result, and to see the results... i'll tell you this-- it was much more fun than laying out hundreds of meters of fake mines, and installing three-strand concertina-wired fences for countless kilometers, that was some of more shitty aspects of a late-80s - early-90s combat engineer in the Army... all of that seemed like a few lifetimes ago now... anyways, thanks for the complimentary tannerite, it was very thoughtful, don't be disappointed if it doesn't get utilized in the near future, but i have no reason for such a thing at the moment... wonder if the .308 rounds will come with another little bottle, too--you know, twice the fun.   -- ct
07-06-23:  some religiousy types of folks tend to get into contention with other Christians, or whatever preferred religion we choose to follow--sorry, that wasn't a well organized sentence at all--but, much of our trouble is how literal we interpret our holy scriptures, and then how much priority/importance we assign to our interpretation of such doctrines/pillars... when we put too much emphasis on scripture that might be trying to tell a bigger story we can get ourselves into a whole heap of trouble...
 ... sometimes we respond appropriately when bull-shitters and dividers try to mock or denounce pillars of reality, but sometimes we don't respond appropriately in certain situations, because some of our biases/beliefs or other things that we hold as foundational to our existence/beliefs are mis-interpriting scriptures and reality, our team/cult/network was fooled somehow, or we put too much emphasis on mis-interpriting parts of scripture too literally, or through tunnel-vision of what other folk told them/us, rather than looking at the big story, and how that part was just details of a larger metaphor or, analogy... every religion is guilty of it, we all have our bias/ideology/denominational beliefs... if your preferred religion has you heading on a path of self-improvement, self-regulation, self-evolving, and respecting other folks by treating them the say way that you wish to be treated, etc. then you probably understand much of God's fundamentals, but there is also the chance that you might be distracted on certain traditions or interpretations of scripture that are holding you back from growth... maybe that's all i'm saying... may you have the discernment to find the baby in the bath-water, and not be overly concerned with silly matters that aren't very relevant in today's culture/traditions/practices, most religions share similar sustainable principles, but tribal mentality (team sports-like) keeps us from appreciating the things that most reasonable people from all walks of life think are self-evident... anyhow, i like the idea of meta-religion in respects to finding the things that are common and logical (reality) in most religions and healthy cultures, and not giving too much attention to the 'bath-water' that many religious spend too much time preaching and teaching... the teachings and life-style of Jesus of Nazareth appeal, and speak to my soul, but, i feel like an idiot getting distracted by irrelevant details due to historical applications that were just part of bigger stories... i'm very much, still, a work in progress... Noah's Ark is a great story in many respects, it contained many stories within the story, and that's what makes stories good... but if you want to put that particular story in context to today's world i suppose my take-away is that God has used the earth's weather to wipe-out most of the earth's population, that's actually a resounding theme in the Old-Testament of the Christian Bible, there might be similar stories in whatever scriptures you prefer to read... God wiping-out/culling nations/cultures, and most of humanity when evil and exploitation of good hit a breaking-point, when God had enough of evil proliferation and practice... and allegedly God used a rainbow as some sort of promise that he wouldn't use water/rainfall to do it again... but there were various ways that previous civilizations have been destroyed in the past, very few of them used/included water/rain... you may choose to believe that God would never Ever EVER do another wipe because evil has gotten to the point where it needs to be dealt with by God--personally speaking i don't like to think along those lines, nor do i like to become too hopeful of getting plucked-off of the earth for good behavior before the next sh1t-storm hits humanity, but that would nice...
 ... if you don't have any fight in you, and choose to freeze as your response to evil then i can see where you might be coming from, that might be more of a personality thing, and awareness of your limited capabilities and passion, or maybe it's a proper interpretation/discernment of the times that we live in, going to run and hide because there is an inevitable sh1t-storm heading our way?  i don't know... maybe we should all just roll-over and retreat to our safe-places and cower when confronted with evil--because Jesus was a man of 'peace', i dunno... not everyone has backbone, and most folks love their comfort (i appreciate comfort too), but would you ever confront evil, and those who try to spread it and exploit folks with the ferocity of a mother bear, is there any fight in you?... not everyone has passion or a back-bone, most folks want to relax and retreat, and that's the problem with most of God's people, and why evil has penetrated so much of our society, because we are trying to be nice and hoping other more capable folks will do the heavy-lifting... but that's just my interpretation of certain religious scriptures and stories... did Jesus instruct folks to stop fighting for truth in some of his more peaceful teachings?  He certainly taught us how to fight with intelligence and not just brute-force... is there still a season for everything under the sun?  i dunno... i do know i was a pretty peaceful kid growing up, and then i trained and learned to be a deadly warrior for one of my jobs, and then i learned to be pretty kind and peaceful person again after some religious considerations and teachings... seasons change, but are cyclic, they repeat... anyhow, not sure what scriptures i might read today, maybe it'll be some that talk about wars, and rumors of wars, and the like, but maybe not, time will tell.  --  ct

07-06-23 later:  the older i get the more i see with my eyes closed than when open, yet i sleep less -- i don't fully understand it, but the mind sees plenty when the eyes are closed, and ever more-so as i age, the physical eyes focus less, but the eyes fully closed sees plenty, there is so much of the unseen to see, there is more to focus on when the eyes are closed... going to close my eyes, and bed-down early tonight, to shut-out the distractions of this physical world, and to plug into our creator, there is plenty more to see once my eyes are closed, but it's time to spend in prayer/meditation or 'in the spirit', or whatever you like to call that sort of thing, whatever it is that you do to actually relax, and feel like you are resting in the renewing and loving arms of God, however it is that you relax you body and mind and ego, well that's what i'm about to do... the older i get the more i see with my eyes closed... i see more with my eyes closed than open.  --  ct
07/05/23:  someone asked a few questions to a group that i enjoy reading (CTMU's facebook acct), the question might have basically asked for the time, but i responded with some blue-prints for a clock... they asked what are our individual responsibilities, but directed toward whether or not people are individually responsible for acknowledging and following God's ways and principles... some of that question touches on the Christian theological debate about whether folks that acknowledge and follow God's principles do so because God 'chose us' to understand, or because 'we' somehow figured it out, or some how 'earned it'... so that's why i added the weird part at the end about 'theological debate', that's all that part is about... so here's the kicker, i'm not going into any of that right now, smarter folks have already written volumes regarding the matter, i just wanted to copy my response as notes to reference for one of the books that i'm working on, parental responsibility was the theme... it's more or less a 'how to' sort of instructional manual, but told in a story-format... much of it has to do with parents understanding some of their simple responsibilities, i'm basically trying to cover certain things that A Mazlow observed/documented/theorized, and also some religiousy sorts of things too, but it's somewhat of an emotionally tugging story, narrated by a small group of characters, including a newly born baby, and God... that's about it in a nut-shell, but responsibility is a huge aspect of the book, so when i took the time to write this entirely-too-long of an answer i wanted to save it to read again the next time i pick up 'the pen', which is going to be soon, the concept and some of the details have been brewing in the ol' noggin lately, so it's almost time to get cracking on it again... OK, here's the notes...

Chris Terlizzi: We are responsible to survive and thrive to the best of our abilities/potential, and to do so without violating the Golden Rule, also known as ‘using our free-will wisely, and not exploiting/violating others’. We are responsible to interact appropriately to our environment, including people/animals/vegetation/soil/water, etc.
We are responsible to try to leave our environment a bit better for the next/future generations knowing that earth provides us with physiological necessities, not taking more than you need is a simple practical example of other environmental and sustainability practices, sustainability is a logical response to being good stewards of the earth’s resources knowing that future generations will also have to rely on ‘creation’
We are also responsible for everything that we create, which means off-spring, we are responsible to provide them with physiological requirements, nurturing, mentoring, educating, helping to provide as necessary, coaching them and giving appropriate advice as everyone gets older, we are responsible to love, nurture, mentor, train/teach our children to be as self-sufficient as they can be to help them reach as much of their potential as possible. But, it’s impossible to live another person’s life, it’s ultimately up to them to make smart choices, or to be lazy or not, to challenge themselves throughout life, and never ‘just settle’ thinking that you have reached your potential, and no longer have to self-improve or exercise your body/mind/soul. We also create messes, we are responsible to clean up after them too.
It's also our individual responsibilities to learn how to communicate, who to go for when you might not understand something important or intriguing, or when we really need help—because we never stop learning, and because we all need help of different types from time to time, sometimes everyday depending on you capabilities/disabilities and the size of the environment/geography that we are impacting/contributing to.
And, we are responsible to make sure that our off-spring, and future generations alike, understand that it’s their responsibility to teach these—and other important matter-- to their off-spring, and future generations… and that’s a big part of sustainability. If we excess time, energy, and resources—well, even if you don’t have off-spring, you could still positively contribute to other younger folks like parents do for their own kids—non-eros love, mentor, train/teach our children to be as self-sufficient as they can be to help them reach as much of their potential as possible, and to pay it forward, using their knowledge to help future generations survive and thrive within the frame-work of the golden rule
But, those things are all navigating life in our material world, not considering the larger meta-physical world, and things that we don’t always see… the CTMU, with it’s meta-religion considerations is well equipped to help with that, as well… however, I’m not well read enough to be able to speak on behalf of the CTMU community, and my vocabulary is on the weak side, too.
As far ‘Or is there more that I'm not aware off?’ … yes, of course there is always plenty more that you and i are not aware of, and the faster we all recognize that fact the more motivated we might become to continue to expand our mind, body, and soul—because we have never ‘arrived’, we never learned to know all there is to know, and we never cease maximizing our potential until we take our last breath, our ‘potential’ changes and presents new challenges as we age.
Simple principles like the ten commandments, and the fruits of the spirit offer some very logical ‘religious’ principles toward personal responsibility, and logical sustainability
… Looking forward to what some of the CTMU pros have to say on the matter of responsibility, and whether ‘God chooses us’, or ‘Do we choose to follow God’, there is a big-old theology debate regarding that matter. Mr. Langan has probably solved that debate in one of his papers… cheers

07-05-23:  hot day today in Rockingham county, it felt tropical in our state's capital this afternoon, it felt gross, got to test the youngest daughter's car on the highway for the first time today, not bad, i think it needs some alignment adjusted, but it drove good for a little car... despite the heat and humidity it was still a driving with the windows down day, it felt refreshing getting blasted by the warm summer air... way too much reading lately, and i don't think i have a bunch of storage capacity in my brain, so when i get about full i need to compress, or delete, and that's usually when/why i write, sometimes, today was one of those times... also trying to flush-out some thoughts, maybe explore/finish some thoughts, collect some thoughts to chip away at some writing projects, love when that happens... it almost seems weird not raining today, it's been mostly wet around here for two to three weeks, it was like stepping out of a dark cave into the world leaving the house this morning, that big shiny thing in the sky hurt my eyes wen i gazed at it, and it made my skin itch and feel unpleasant... i still took some supplemental vD today, i didn't spend enough time in the sun to benefit much from it... anyhow, it was great to hear from the boy tonight, his first road-trip home with a buddy was a memorable one, he brought a sunburn, a phone number, and some great memories back to base with him... hey... how does this for a book title, 'i spent most of my life trying to learn to be human', someone probably already did that, but that's sort of an idea i had for a future project, it probably won't be called that in the end, it'll probably be something a bit less dorky, well, hopefully it will...anyways, i'm about spent and it's only 20:08, maybe that shiny thing in the sky wore me out  --  ct
07-04-23:  happy Independence Day fellow Americans, and those who wish to thumb our noses to the brittish royalty this day, and every day... anyhow, we can shoot our fireworks, and farts in the general direction of the UK on July the Fourth every year, but many of us are failing to discern the current tyranny which ensnares and enslaves people to this day... just as Logos has never died, and still lives on today, so does evil, it's evident in the way that folks exploit other folks, and exploit the environment that we all have to share... am i too naive and optimistic and hopeful and ideologic (not sure if thats a real word) to believe that exercising our God-given free-will within the principles of the Golden Rule is too much to ask or expect from everyone? Can we all agree that the concept of mutual respect is a good/simple/logical/sustainable and self-evident truthful principle that everyone should be able to agree upon? When regular folks just want to go about their business and not be exploited/misled/manipulated and out-right lied to, well, those folks that realized how severely they were played, and how they are still being played, some of those folks get very Very VERY angry, and organize, recognize the con, and the con-artists and parasites and illusionists that have been playing them like a fiddle, and there are revolutions, and then there are Independence Days, and special anniversaries... are you a wolf, a sheep, or a sheep-dog, would you fight for yourself and others, or cower, freeze, or flee... they are all different personality types probably, so that was just a rhetorical question, just wondered if you ever pondered such things... anyways, i think my ancestors moved to America after the Revolution AND civil wars, if i'm not mistaken, and i've got a bit of Brittish and Irish blood in me (Italian too), so i have no bragging rights about 'winning America's revolution', my only bragging rights is that my ancestors were smart enough to leave a tiny and confined geography, and to legally migrate to the USA where there were big open spaces, and lot's of new opportunities, so i'm just here by birth-rite... i don't know, maybe i'll flip a middle-finger toward the east, toward GMT because is it's an American custom, not because i was a player, some of it is growing up as a Boston Red Sox fan, and then celebrating the fact that they finally beat the New York Yankees, and then steam-rolled their way to a world series championship, i didn't do any of the work for the red sox to win, i was a spectator while over-paid grown men actually exercised, and did the proverbial 'fighting', are you a spectator, or are you willing to break a sweat? Just some questions to ask yourself, to do a reality-check sometime, to get real about how soft and lazy and accommodating or compromised you've become, and whether you were ever a sheep-dog yourself, i've witnessed wolves eventually evolve into sheep-dogs over time, but when do sheep become aware of their situation, and respond with a concerted effort to make a positive difference, and contribute to a necessary outcome for future generation's sake? These are all questions revolved around personality traits and natural reactions to encounters with other folks... why can't we all get along, and just live peacefully amongst one another without harming one another, or robbing others of their peace, and earning mutual respect... because evil exists, and it's a predator, looking to devour easy victims to consume or exploit... good, and love also exist, and their moral codes and expected conduct should be everyone's goals, and sheep-dogs and some brave sheep have to be willing to defend those simple, sustainable, God-given, and self-evident rights, because future generations will require your efforts at the rate that the parasitic over-class and networks of cartels are getting more ambitious and emboldened by the day... do you even/ever consider such things, or are you content to stay on on the hamster-wheel that you are diligently working, and through tunnel-vision? All questions worth asking yourself, on a day like America's Independence Day... good night, and God bless... and one more thing, any of my neighbors blast any fireworks off past 22:00 there is a good chance they will be met with return fire... mutual respects dummies... there, i said it... nooow good night and God bless. -- ct
07-03-23:  slept much better, thanks--maybe even eight hours worth... the roads are drying out, which means the rain will probably start soon...
 ... here's a good substack read for you, i don't know much about the author (L. P. Koch), i think he's part of a group of writers that seem decent, and knowledgeable, and interested in important matters, like truth and reality... notice the use of the word 'reality'... Chris Langan uses the term 'Ultimate Reality' at times as a way to describe God, and offers the theory that our universe is a 'mind' of God... so keep that in mind as you read...

07-03-23 later: OMG, this substack article by R. Malone is nicely presented, and articulates/expresses some of the effects of open-border policies, but in France...
the excerpt from Alex James was well presented, too... either Dr Malone, or one of the folks that he quoted, mentioned an issue that also concerns me, actually to of them...
 ... folks that enter any country illegally don't go to any citizenship classes to learn about America's values and laws, so they don't subscribe to our common interests...
 ... and they generally stick to groups of folks from their own country, they don't assimilate because they have no idea what they were getting themselves into by coming here, so they need some sort of sponsorship/mentorship from folks that look like them, dress like them, speak like them, and still do many of the same traditions and rules from where they originated from... personally speaking, i think those sorts of things are just basic human nature, everyone likes to be around like-minded familiar looking folks from similar backgrounds, it's basically innate tribalism, that doesn't make you racist whatsoever, it's just a built-in human instinct, it's the road of less resistance/challenge, and not everyone is comfortable braking away from that, from venturing past what's most familiar/comfortable, and i can't fault folks for not wanting to try, either...
 ... folks that come here legally at least have an idea of what this place is like, things that you can and can't do without getting arrested or deported, they might even know about local customs and traditions, and weird shit that we do here... but folks that come here illegally don't want to be caught, people that don't want to get caught don't assimilate... fight, freeze, or flight... folks that don't want to get caught use flight and hide, and have to be sneaky for survival, to some degree... immigration policies, and entry into the USA, should be based on respecting the host by submitting your name for a reservation, so the host country can properly prepare for your arrival, we can actually do more to help you if we can prepare for your arrival, it's not the type of surprise that's easy to deal with appropriately... and maybe make sure you aren't on a terrorist watch list, or international watch lists of criminals... immigration professionals can also teach you important things that some folks are scared of because it's found in religious doctrines, important things like--America gives you the freedom to use your God-given free-will, but only in the constraints of the Golden Rule, and the rest of the ten commandments are obviously important too, we take mutual-respect seriously here in America, it's pretty much what our laws are based on... AND, it really Really REALLY helps if you can read, write, and speak in American (which is mostly like English, but it sounds funnier, or maybe English sounds funnier) before you get here to start a different phase of your life, if you don't, it makes your transition 100-times more difficult... if you are just coming to vacation for a bit maybe learning American isn't a big necessity, but if you are here for the long-haul then you want to know where you are going, and how to communicate with folks, and how to positively interact with folks (again, mutual respect)... call me what you want, i think i'm pretty reasonable... kindly wait your turn, America's hubs are already grossly over-populated, and that's where people seem to think that their dreams reside, so we'd like to adequately prepare for your arrival, why is that so difficult to understand?  --  ct

07-03-23 laterer:  sam adams 'porch rocker' lemoney beer, and some 'cowboy caviar' (basically an awesome version of salsa), and white-corn chips, all as a sort of late/light/mini supper tonight... i hope it wasn't a mistake, time will tell.  --  ct

07-03-23 bedtime:  think i'm going to work on one of the books tomorrow, the one that i'm furthest along with... i think i've worked through some of my stumbling blocks, and ideas that i couldn't totally figure out the last two times that i tried to pick it up... some of the conversation with God, and a bit more detail with the dad... i think it will be good... also trying to figure out how far to go with the grand-parents, a buddy of mine (he's really a therapist that i worked with for the better part of a year when i desperately needed a tune-up, not really a buddy in most people's concept of a friend, but he's a trusted and respected person that was willing to be frank/transparent with me, and share information about himself and his life as well, so i kind of see him as an old buddy that i may never see again, BUT, we never even saw each other, it was just telephone-based talk-therapy, cool, right--he is very good at his job), so... Jesse gave me the idea of incorporating grand-parents to add another generation, and i like his idea, but i'm still trying to figure out how much i want to expand on the conversations with the grand-parents, there are sequels to write too/two, so not sure how much i can really fit into the size book that i'm looking to present, i'm trying to keep them short-reads, i want people with simple vocabulary and attention-spans to be able to finish in a sitting or two, or three, but it ought to stimulate thoughts/ideas for those use-to more complex language skills... the follow-up books will just be different stages of life/growth/development... i suppose i could just make it one looong book, but that won't work based on my goal of keeping them short, and sweet... i know, sounds a bit confusing, but they should be good, you'll see, but i got to finish the first one first--or do i, hmmm  :-)  --  ct

Milkweed, a perfume like no other

 I wish i could share the exact terpene profile of the Apocynaceae Asclepias that's now blooming outside of our home, if i sent/scent it to you, could you actually interpret/understand those specific terpenes, and those terpene ratios to actually smell it yourself?  i dunno either, in fact i had no clue what 'apocynaceae-asclepias' even was until ten minutes ago, it's just milkweed to me... in fact, i'm probably using 'terpene' incorrectly too, since milkweed isn't a conifer, but terpenes are a big deal as far as aromatherapy effects of various strains of cannabis, that's the only reason i know the word 'terpene' at all... but -- let me tell you -- that milkweed that Monarch butterflies rely on, and so many other bugs seem to enjoy, well--if olfactory stimulation can be used as an actual therapeutic, then this is your aroma-therapy for joy and bliss... the smell of these milkweed's flowers is nearly intoxicating, wish i could upload it, or text it to you, or email it... but none of those would work, and i couldn't do it any justice to explain the fragrance, but if a woman had a blossom of that tucked behind her ear i'd probably follow her like a little puppy-dog... they don't bloom very long, but when they do they are a real treat for the old-schnoz... i wish i could accurately describe it so you'd be able to smell it too, but that would never do, couldn't work... but if i write 'buttered pop-corn' would you be able to smell that?  what about an orange, or a lemon, or freshly cut pine-tree, or hot-chocolate, or vanilla, maybe fresh muffins, or a sizzling steak with fried onions and peppers, or pipe-tobacco, how about sandalwood, or patchouli, well somehow you might, you might have some of those smells imprinted in your memory... so maybe you have flowering milkweed imprinted in your noggin too, i think it's imprinted in mine now--i have to stop and smell them every time i go in or out of the house now that they are in bloom... milkweed smells life a fantastical dream, like a simple perfume that leans toward the sweet side, maybe even a bit berry-like... OK, no more olfactory-imprinting, or saliva-triggering... you see, because i have to go now--i'm about to enjoy a freshly ground cup of hot coffee, and sip it while eating the warm tender bread that just came out of the oven... not really, just teasing... but milkweed really smells amazing, and that's all i have to say about that.  --  ct  ... also on July the third
07-02-23:  so, i began July with a bit of humor, and now present a decent essay by a person who writes under the pseudonym 'A Midwestern Doctor', he or she wrote this one as a quest writer for Robert Malone's substack... i'm not going to comment on the content of the article (i encourage you to read it yourself), but want to comment on a couple of things regarding the author:
1. i like their writing style, and the way they organize/present their essays, punctuation isn't perfect, but i clearly don't hold that sort of thing sacred... i appreciate decent writers, and aspire to be a decent one myself someday, i also appreciate well organized, concise, and presented essays/papers, and the like... i've said this many times before, i goofed-off and pursued other 'fun things' during my school years instead of challenging myself academically, and my 'other than academic' pursuits should be clear to any reader... most of my writing and communication since then was simply email and phone calls in the corporate world where being direct and to the point is expected, and also writing instructions and procedures... but, to my own fairness, i do write fluidly using the vocabulary and style that's most natural to me, as crude as it may be, and...
B. whomever the mid-west doc is, they are helping to minister to my soul regarding the no-nonsense, unfiltered, and inflammatory communication style that i exercise regularly... i know that i'm exceedingly harsh and tribal, part of me thinks that i've been entirely too accommodating and nice to assholes and bull-shitters once i began following Jesus of Nazareth... once i hit crisis-mode after governmental reactions to the covid plandemic i felt like a huge rug was pulled-out from under my ignorant/naive feet, and crisis-mode gave way to survival-mode, and survival-mode is a fight--crisis-mode is identifying a big and possibly complex problem, and survival-mode is your instinctual reactions to your perceived/mis-perceived problems... the reality is that life is a fight, life is a series of growth-spurts, and a personal evolution of reacting and adapting to our environment, and it's resources that we require for sustenance (not a complete statement, but there is plenty of truth in it)... and our environment can be very small, or very large, depending on what information you consume, and the places/experiences that we are subjected to, and your processing abilities... but our lives require some fighting whether we care to recognize it for what it is, like to call it something different, or choose to 'freeze' and/or disassociate under stress and stimuli... larger environments, and periphery, involve more stressors and foreign/unfamiliar stimuli to contend with... after the ontological shock of governmental reactions to the covid-bug--when life as i know it was forced to adapt to a different environment with fewer resources, i began fighting back at the inciting bull-shitters that pollute and distort reality, my bullshit-antenna is still pinging and sounding alarms-- and in some ways i've been 'fighting back' using the same language (low IQ high drama), and emotion triggering methods that today's manipulative bottom-dwellers utilize to communicate to the public, they are the one's that actually changed our environment... covid-19 changed our environment when fewer then 1-percent of the population who caught it passed away, or when hospitals were overwhelmed with folks in distress from the scientist-modified bug, but it's our elected officials, and the folks that they put in place to make/frame policy that really fvcked-up our environment, and tried to re-shape/consolidate/run the world by exploiting yet another crisis... you wouldn't believe how easy and simple it is to fight back by mirroring assholes, most assholes are bullies that never expect a fight back, i'm not typical--and being an asshole is certainly easier than having to fully process and nicely communicate to every asshole that tries screwing with us, our loved ones, and the general public... so, anyhow... i appreciate the various messages contained with the good-doctor's latest essay, i understand that i'm still using tribal/team/divisive/competitive mind-set, and tactics... i also express my sincere hope that our country can resume to more peaceful and pleasant climate after this great division was carried out by the kingdom/cartel/networks (cult leaders) and their foot-soldier perpetrators (cult members) who are trying to destroy and rebuild our country, and the rest of the world as well... if i want to improve and challenge myself to reach a larger sliver of my potential then i need to find a decent balance/center, and only fluctuate as situations require... in the mean-time, i'm still climbing out of survival-mode, i'm sort of staying here on purpose, because i might have to fight a bit more forcefully if our country hits much more decline, anyhow, i'm obviously still a work in progress, trying to figure out appropriate priorities, and trying to discern how to much attention to give to the priorities, and how much to give to everything else... so, in closing, i'd like to say 'thanks Doc' to whomever you are... i might just be a decent communicator and helper toward humanity too someday, when i finish getting healthy/re-calibrating, and don't feel the need to fight so much... some very nasty douche-bags woke many sleeping warriors in recent years, personally speaking, i hope to resume resting and being nice again in the near future... your prayers are always appreciated :-) -- ct

07-02-23 later:  it's a very soggy Sunday in Rockingham County, the dirty old car is starting to look good after several hours of it's free car wash... it's been a quiet day, rainy days during a long holiday weekend are about the only days when it's quiet on Main St. I read a bunch today, wrote a bit, had some decent conversation with friends and loved ones, and tried to nurse my right shoulder-to-back area, there are some awfully tight muscles in that area, and tight muscles often lead to slightly displaced bones and soft-tissue/joints, and none of that is cool, in fact, it can hurt like hell and make it impossible to adequately relax, but relax is what i'm trying to do with that distracting clump of muscles, there is some nasty impingement going on around the clavicle, and something is a bit torn in the area, but this is tendon or muscles that are screaming at me right about now, not sure how i strained or pinched it, but i did... OK, i'm done complaining, i'm a world-class complainer, as anyone can tell... i'm going to put some headphones on and listen to some relaxing music for a bit, it will totally jam with the rain coming down. -- ct

07-02-23 a bit more later:  reflecting on some old Army-days, i made a bunch of road-trips with buddies back in the day, back to other guy's family homes mostly, i remember going to Kentucky a couple of times in Airborne school, in the same county where they filmed some of the Dukes of Hazard, i saw three 'General Lee's' that were wrecked at a local garage... and i remember a trip to Alabama to visit with two different guy's families and down to Florida for a day or two on the same trip, there might have been six of us that drove from Colorado and back in one of my buddy's pick-up... and then a bunch of trips to Illinois to hang with a real close buddy's parents home, they were a huge family (like my mom's family), and very hospitable parents, a Mexican (Big Tony) and an Italian (Mama), great combination--love those folks... and then a trip or two to Arkansas with another close friend, his dad was respectable and hospitable as well... and i vaguely remember a trip to Texas at some point, that one was mostly a huge bender, and i don't remember much of the details... there were other road trips and destinations too, but they were more like temporary duty assignments, and vacations/destinations, and less like meeting my buddy's families, and spending time around real folks doing regular things... i appreciated all of those times spent with friends and acquaintances, and the times spent with their hospitable families... why all the sentimental 'good ole days' sort of talk? my son is in the service now, and he called while on a road trip to one of his buddy's family homes for the long weekend... got me thinking back to some fond memories and special trips. -- ct

07-02-23 more later then before:  or should it have been 'than' -- then or than, i don't know, and not curious enough to look it up... anyways... this post is more of a 'religiousy' sort of thing/topic, hey, it's Sunday dang-it, and Sunday is church day for lots of folks, so give me a break... now i'm not a very religiousy person, although i used to be a pretty hard-core one, and i'm far from a religious professional, so that's my disclosure--consider yourself warned... so here's where i differ from many religiousy folks, i don't care what 'religious' ideology you identify with, or practice--i happen to identify more with Christian customs, traditions, and principles than any other well-known religions, it's more or less how i was raised... i was raised with the idea that there is one 'God', and that Jesus some how had to do with God, and there was some sort of other thing, a 'Holy Spirit' or something that i don't know if ANYone really knows a bunch about... now my understanding, or idea of those three things had changed since i was a wee-little kid saying 'hail Mary's' with my hands in the appropriate palm-to-palm posture--as proper prayer was supposed to be conducted, my perspective on what prayer is, and what it should be like has changed over the years too... i'm not writing to talk about any of that stuff, though... i just wanted to write/say that i don't care what 'religion' or non-religion you are... if you respect yourself, and respect other people, and treat other folks like you'd like to be treated, even behind their backs, or when no one is looking, or exploiting others or pick on them to satisfy your ego--if you actually live your life like that, and don't just pay lip-service to the sustainability and logic for mutual-respect, then you might be more 'religious', or 'spiritual', or 'devote' to my concept of God then you may think, even if you don't believe in a God at all, or believe in multiple gods, if you respect yourself, other people too, and the environment that provides us with physiological needs, and that we all have to share and maintain then you might 'get it', even if you aren't a religiousy person at all... if you go one step further and try to self-improve/mature/evolve then we have much in common, never stop growing... if you go one step further and acknowledge something bigger/higher/more impressive than humans ourselves, if you do to that step then we are definitely a bit more like-minded... and if your concept of God appreciates logical concepts/principles like the 'ten commandments', then we are pretty like-minded as well... and if you understand and appreciate the words/actions/deeds/teachings of Jesus of Nazareth (who always tried to point people to 'God' his 'father' in heaven), even though he taught in story form using examples that folks 2,000 years ago would have readily understood, then we are pretty like-minded... and if you try to live your life in a way that demonstrates that you understand the principles that Jesus taught (it's the red print in those 'red-print' bibles) then we are pretty like-minded as well... but even if you don't think along those similar lines but still live your life respecting yourself, and treating/respecting other people the way that you want to be treated, well we both 'gt it', and are more like-minded then you might think, just based on that one commonality alone... and so that's all i want to say about that stuff tonight... good night and God bless. -- ct

07-01-23:  well Hellooo July, has anyone told you how hot you are?  no need to answer--you are undeniably Hot... you've got to be the HOTTEST that i've ever seen.
... yeah, looks like i'm over-tired--it's really 23:44 on 6/30 at the time of this writing, just doing a slightly early chore for the website--BTW, i was never a cool 'pick-up line' kinda guy, i'm sure i was a dork in other ways, though... but Hey, may your July be a pleasant one, and free of the mania that much our western culture expects and embraces, that shits no good for your health or your soul, slow down and smell some roses already (actually, i wish you could smell the milk-weed thats grown outside our door, it's practically intoxicating now that it's in bloom)... alright, i'm toast--good night and God bless   --  ct

07-01-23 later:  the thought of killing something hasn't crossed my mind since the last time i went hunting, but that thought sure crossed my mind today... he or she wouldn't have stood a chance, either... the violent thought that crossed my mind today was very real, Bob Marley wouldn't have appreciated the thoughts that i had... hold on, let me back up a bit... so i finally made it to bed waaay past my bedtime, i think i laid down around 00:15 (quarter past midnight), i had a hard time falling asleep, i didn't want to take an ambien that late either... so i probably fell asleep around 01:00, and at 04:00 i woke to an uncomfortable bladder, which i relieved before laying back down to finish some serious sleeping... and at 04:05 a little bird began tweeting right outside of the bedroom window, you could hear it pretty loud and clear over the window a/c's sound too... tweedle-tweedle-tweeet ... twiddle-twiddle-tweeet ... that noisy little bugger was either a male trying to find a mate, a female yelling at her husband to get back with some worms or bugs for crying out lout, or number three... i don't know a third option, but i'm sure there is one... that little fvcker persisted to the point that violent thoughts crossed my mind around 05:00-ish... it was probably very cute, and maybe i should have felt blessed that it was 'singing' outside the window, and i'm sure the cute little thing had no knowledge of my sleeping issues, but the timing was very very very suspect, was it taunting me, or really 'singing'... around 06:00 i no longer cared, and think that's around the time that i fell back asleep, and then the frickin 'get up' alarm sounded promptly at 07:00... part of me still thinks the little fvcker was chiding me, son-ova-bitch... i'm sure it was too little to eat, so no use just dispatching that little ass-hole--i mean--cute little avian--i mean, son of a b!tch... so now--after a long full day--i'm hitting the wall of tired, like a crash-test dummy, and it's only 19:20... and the funny thing is, there is a cute little bird 'singing' right outside of the living room window where i'm writing... doesn't it know what kind of sleep i had last night, maybe not, but the timing is very suspect, indeed... but there will be ambien in tonight's routine, so the joke's on him, or is it a her... well, clearly it's one or the other... anyways, good night and God bless. -- ct
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