...if folks are curious enough about this website or about me as a person they might end up poking around and ending up here, reading some blog entries/posts, blog posts are where i write about most of the real things that are important to me, and about other things to, sometimes things that bother me for some reason, and i also write about other silly ego revealing things that nobody needs to waste their time reading... but mostly its where i write about things that i think are important somehow, i'm not a professional anything, so there will be ignorance written below, but i trust that the reader can discern the baby from the bathwater, i do hope to stimulate your noggin enough to do some of your own research using your own critical-reasoning... i write for my own health, and to my offspring/kids, and to anyone else that cares to read. --  ct
 February 2023
02-28-23: february is leaving us with foul weather, not too much snow in rockingham county, not much 'yet', so far it's of the light and fluffy variety, i cleared my daughter's car off with the foam brush and almost no exertion, we've got two to three inches so far (around 08:am ish)... wife has a one-hour delay, so i'll be driving her in a hour or so--the roads are going to be a bit hairy, they been plowing and sanding, but main street is already covered over again, so the winding back-roads are probably going to suck, we'll see what the old volvo can do with this latest test... my hip is hurting, and i just so happen to see the hip-guy today, he's an ortho surgeon--he doesn't just do hips, but he's the guy at the hospital that the VA sent me to have the hip dealt with, i don't think i'm getting any therapy today, just initial consult after they've had a chance to look over the x-rays/arthrogram/MRI results, it's just a tiny tear that i've got, it's hard to believe that it can be causing so much discomfort, there must be more to it than that alone, that's my guess, but it's certainly gimpy and not as strong as the left side, fortunately the drive to that appointment is in the afternoon, it'll give the snow-removal folks time to lessen the threat...
... i can't believe that these new headphones block-out the sound of my heater, i wonder if they will make living on main street any more bearable during the riding months, that would be a treat...
... we got a small tax refund, paid off some regular bills, and chipping away at some old debt... still have AT&T, an old credit card that was cut-up years ago, and the school lunch facade (the 'facade' is that we qualified for free lunch program, but when my daughter substitutes chocolate-milk for the provided white milk they don't just charge the difference in the cost of the milk, they charge for the entire cost of the lunch, michelle obama is an ass-hole, her legacy is fvcking up the school meal programs), then there is a few other school-related expenses, then there is dental stuff with lot's of co-pays coming up too, both cars are overdo for work, and i still haven't pursued a proper ceremony/closure for my mom ... good grief, why did i start down that sobering path, oh, because chipping away at the old debt will make life much easier when we move, and make the lawyers a bit happier, i've got to wrap-up those loose-ends and responsibilities, starting over in a new town with no debt holding us back will just feel right/better... so the tax-refund is already spent, and the VA disability payment is pretty much spent too, although that doesn't come until tomorrow, i think i can take care of the school lunches, the senior trip, plus an old credit card with the VA payment, everything else is lower priority and has to wait in line, but i'll get to ya soon enough...
... enough complaining for now, i've got to get back outside and contend with more snow, fortunately it's not torquing on my wrist or shoulder all that bad, just the hip today. -- ct
02-27-23:  nothing to really write, but i'm getting some more MRIs in a little it, finally see what's going on with the wrist and the shoulder, why are they so weak/gimpy, at least we know what's up with the hip now, will be talking to an ortho-guy tomorrow about options and recommendations for the tiny-little rear in the labrum, but in the mean-time i still don't know what's up with the wrist and shoulder, the shoulder has been sore and overworked with work and play/sports for quite a while now, but the wist is new within the past four or five years, so it's a fresh injury... looking forward to the results of the MRIs... not sure what you are up to, but there is a whole big world out there for you to discover and enjoy, and joys found in everyday life that should not be ruined by your routines, introspect, or depression... it looks bright and sunny in rockingham county, it's pretty darn cold too, at least it looks pretty.  --  ct

02-27-23 later:  MRIs aren't bad, i'm not freaked-out by tight/closed spaces, the sounds aren't terrible either, but the 'holding still' in an awkward position for 40 minutes thing is what makes them a pain, glad they are done, looking forward to reading Dr's notes in the next few days, it'll be interesting to see what the tests picked-up, i can't keep 'rubbing dirt on it', the dirt is insufficient at this point... we are getting more snow overnight, hopefully it doesn't post-pone the appointment with the Ortho guy tomorrow, it doesn't look like big snow, but it's supposed to snow from pre-dawn through evening rush-hour... i used to love venturing-out in fowl weather, now i just see the risks.  --  ct

02-27-23 more later:  chic-filet sandwiches for supper tonight, two thumbs up... i'm trying out these new headphones tonight, i'm officially unwired, and they block background noises too, even our noisy heater, my tinnitus hasn't worsened with them, and the bonus is that everyone is quieter now, they are brilliant.  --  ct
02-26-23:  so i have a few 'builds' in progress, the big-bore AR is going to get this barrel, and then the 458 is going to get this kit, and then the other two are simmering in the back-burner, but do to the brandon in chief going on assault weapons ban diatribes i think those two builds are on simmer, and i might get a few more lowers for the time-being, i've got my eyes on some pistol-caliber AR platforms that take glock mags, they would be fun shooting guns, not as noisy or powerful as rifle calibers, so they'd be fun on a range day, plus 9mm is probably the next cheapest to shoot outside of 22lr, so that's a bonus for regular folks that don't have much ammo-budget... but those two barrels, plus a couple of other builds, plus some pistol caliber carbines is probably enough scary-looking guns for me, i could make do with just a few, but laws over-complicate what upper-receivers i put on certain lower-receivers... the therapeutic effects from precision shooting is focus and shutting-down noisy distractions, anti-gunners don't get that aspect, i don't need the noisy adrenaline, i just like being able to shut-off distractions and being able to focus and concentrate on targets, why is that so hard to comprehend, it's not very scary at all... but the brandon in chief is preaching anti assault weapons rhetoric and bull-shit so now i'm focused on a few more lowers before the progressive cult gets their way, pissing me off because i had no intention of getting these lowers anytime soon, but now they are priority, i hate that, but the fear tactic is working on me, fine, ten more lowers and i'll be happy.  --  ct
02-25-23: i ought to be asleep, and for about four more hours too, but it seems like a fools errand laying in bed unable to get comfortable and doze back off, so here i am behind a keyboard, instead... i want to read more than write, so i'm just checking-in, wanted to see where i left off yesterday... i was sort of rushed when i was writing about the atf newsletters, and never finished my thoughts, i think the newsletters are probably a waste of my time these days, they just teach you how not to be a criminal and do harmful and stupid things, they don't serve my original purpose/intent, but glad that the atf got those folks off the streets, hopefully the criminals learn from their mistakes... but as far as the ATF is concerned--i'm not happy with the 'arm-brace' intent, i bought and/or assembled all of my firearms (or receivers) on the up-and-up, filled-out 4473s and passed NICS checks as well as NH state police checks for the pistols, i paid for them with hard-earned money, but because someone new in charge changes other people's decisions i'm left trying to figure-out what i need to do with a couple of them so i'm not a new criminal, you always screw someone when you change the rules, and millions of legal gun owners are the ones getting screwed here, i'm sure some part-time or full-time professional criminals also have some firearms with braces on them too, but they don't care about whether or not they are braking laws (only when they are caught), so it's a law that's meant to screw the good guys/gals with guns, not the bad-guys... in my case it's AR-15s, it's not going to be much of a chore to change their configurations to accommodate any new law, but they were purpose-built, and the braces weren't cheap, so new guys in charge are just screwing around with lawful gun owners... if there is anything good to come from this debacle is that maybe some of the NFA-controlled items won't be controlled anymore when folks understand how silly it is to make SBRs and suppressors more difficult and more expensive to acquire, and to make it a pain in the ass for their owners to move them across state lines, it's just silly, so maybe we get a win out of this debacle...
... after reading the ATF newsletters for so many years i can tell you that i'm not the kind of person that the ATF is worried about, if i'm ever in a better financial season they will know more about me when i buy some suppressors, and maybe want to build some actual SBRs, but the fact that i might be on their ciminal-radar for owning AR-pistols that closely resemble SBRs because of the braces--well that's a shitty proposition... i read about the folks that are in the newsletters, and then consider me and the way that i use firearms, and it seems like apples vs. pineapples really, but new guys in charge find more ways to divide us by changing someone else's legal opinion... it's like me getting in charge and changing a legal opinion that black, white, red, and blue cars are now extra-special cars that require extra special taxes and much more restrictive laws about where you can drive them, our car is silver so it doesn't bother/effect me, so why not, and it doesn't matter if they are gas, diesel, hybrid, or electric, if the color is on the list the owners will be taxed and controlled... anyways, the pistol versus SBR debate had got me thinking about some more of them that i'd like to assemble, you see, the changes in the proposed law would mean that there would be more guns created and used, that's what progressives and anti-constitutionalists don't understand, the ATF is tasked with tracking NFA items, and they don't like folks just changing around AR-platform firearms on that big old NFA list like you can with AR-rifles, they don't want me changing the upper-receivers around to whatever barrel-length and caliber i want to shoot on any given day, what that means is that instead of owning just one or two AR-pistols and changing the tops on them to support other bullets/barrels i will have to buy and build more guns to shoot the different bullets, them changing the law will actually put more guns in circulation, not less...
... folks that don't shoot are scared of AR-15s, period, (although after some exposure/lessons/range-time they usually come around to their senses) but what they don't understand is how easy it is to change the configuration to use the same gun for different circumstances, i have one AR-rifle, but a few different tops to put on it, one shoots little bullets, one shoots medium sized bullets, and one shoots big old bullets, i'd like to do that same thing with the AR-pistols too, but when laws are changed to make pistols controlled like SBRs then i have to build a whole new gun for each different bullet that i want to shoot... so changing the law to make AR-pistols even more extra scarey and extra controlled has unintended consequences that anti-gunners don't quite understand... i love assembling/building ARs, so the thought of building more doesn't bother me, but i'd rather buy them when we have access to more money, and not feeling forced to buy them them because the new guys in charge want to divide Americans even more, and decide that legal gun-owners are now the criminals because of arm-braces, and because they hate AR-15s, which are probably the most configurable and practical firearm platform that exists... i should be asleep, but i'm not, i probably made my point to folks that understand some of the nuances of NFA controlled items, and AR-15s, but i'm too sleepy to explain it differently now... i've spoken to some ATF guys that said they joined to get gang-bangers and professional criminals off the streets, not looking for reasons to bust gun enthusiasts/shooters that aren't harassing anyone, their jobs might have gotten a little more difficult now because new guys/administration officials are in charge, and decided to craft some new interpretations of laws and old decisions, and cause more division, raise more taxes, and add more restrictions,, sounds like a familiar democrat theme doesn't it... and the so called 'assault weapon ban' rhetoric coming from the brandon administration and their activists are causing folks to keep buying/building more of them, the problem is that i'm rolling around in cash and i don't have the funds to buy more AR receivers so i can accomplish the goals that i want to before any such 'ban' takes place, sons-a-bitches.  --  ct
02-24-23:  happy friday to the reader... some of yesterday's snow should be melting today in rockingham county, it's going to be sloppy/messy, maybe a good excuse for a long-overdue car-wash... we made it to another payday without a moment to spare, the funny thing is that i have a small opportunity to work and earn a little cash today, it would have helped earlier in the week, but changing a door-knob and lock for a neighbor will put gas in the tank today... got a few other errands to run today, busy ending to the week... God bless.  --  ct

02-24-23 later:  it actually stayed cold, and we got minimal solar melting today, there is still plenty of snow around here... i got a weekly dump of ATF newsletters, one for each big central office/hub, i hardly read them anymore, i originally signed-up for them because i wanted to have a FFL in the future, and i wanted to see what sorts of things criminals were doing that would put a FFL in jeopardy, but you don't read much about them in the newsletters, the newsletters just tell you who they busted and for what offenses, as much as i like to criticize some of the laws that the ATF has to enforce (namely the NFA extra-controlled items) i will say that the folks that they bust seem to be folks that you really don't want to have firearms, they are tools of crime and victimization to the folks that they bust, they aren't regular folks that buy their guns on the up-and-up, and are concerned with firearm safety and responsible ownership, and use them for all lawful purposes... no, the folks they write about in the newsletters seem to be the folks that you want police to deal with, and not the general public... i don't know why i haven't unsubscribed to these things, i suppose they are interesting... i think the ATF should publish newsletters that talk about local laws and ordinances, so lawful gun-owners don't have to do a bunch of research every time we travel outside of our regular environments/locals, some associations do that for you, but i'd like to see the ATF do more on that level, i'm sure it could be exploited like everything, but i'd like to see them more proactive about explaining laws at various levels.  --  ct
02-24-23: i safely traversed/executed some pretty sketchy driving earlier today, we have a 90's era volvo sedan, front-wheel drive with taction-control, and four old crummy tires, and most of the main roads had more snow then pavement on the winding country roads to exeter (rte. 108 to 107), conditions were worse earlier when i drove laura to work in plaistow, i drove between 20 - 50 percent of the posted speed limit and still wasn't very confident, i was a bit 'white-knuckled' but the old car did well, and i suppose old-car could be a metaphor for me too, so i drove well despite the shitty conditions... but, by the time i drove home from exeter all of the snow-covered roads were just wet asphalt, the road treatments and solar melting had the roads on the ride home much less stressful--it felt like a different planet on the ride home... i meet with a surgeon next week to talk about options, can they make the hip better somehow, if i can get another decade or two out of the hip with better mobility, better range of motion, and less pain by cleaning-up around the small tear then i'm game for it, i'm still strong and capable otherwise, i've got a few gimpy joints that have been in need of attention for much too long, and the hip seems to be the first compromised joint that is getting dealt with, it's not terrible today, but every-time the examiners try to see if certain motions or pressures cause pain, well, those tests actually cause pain, so i guess the findings are that the pain is replicateble... they aren't invasive tests, but they stress the joint enough to render me hobbling worse than when i arrived, i've gone 53 years without surgery, and i'd like to keep that streak going for as long as possible, but if they can give me decades back on a nuisance joint with some arthro-repair then i shouldn't really be too anxious, otherwise NSAIDs become a major food-group to me once again, they sort of help to some degree... so the bottom-line is that there isn't arthritis, but there is a small tear, it's hard to imagine that one small tear can cause such a ruckus sometimes, in some ways it seems like the mouse that concerns the elephant , i used to enjoy learning how to strike golf-balls to make them fly exactly the way that i wanted them to, between the right hip that takes the load of the back-swing, to my gimpy left-wrist which releases all of my energy into the club's shaft, i haven't considered golf to be a realistic option in almost a decade now, not since the wrist became compromised too... when you put too much torque on a compromised joint you get weird and unpredictable restrictions and pain... anyhow, we'll see what the Doc. says about the joint, if he can really help, the PA said that there is a muscle that connects my two sore spots and they could hit it with a steroid for anti-inflammatory pain relief, i suppose it's possible a strained muscle could be causing the flare-ups, but inflammation doesn't seem like the root-source, it's my body's response to a stressor, the response triggers pain, the more active you are the more difficult it might be to identify an initial event that caused the joint to become compromised, but sometimes there is an obvious trauma that accounts for the residual pain... in my case i can think of three events that may have caused the initial tear, and i can think of a bunch of activities that aggravate it, and could worsen the tear... all i know is that it prevents me from doing a bunch of things that i used to take for granted... looking forward to meeting with the surgeon.  --  ct
02-22-23:  i can't share too much of an essay that i read yesterday out of respect for publication release, but chew on this part for a bit:

(1) Hospitals (Revenue for 2023: $1,426.9B). The average profit margin for private health care systems is in or near the single digits (10% or so).

(2) Drug, Cosmetic & Toiletry Wholesaling (Revenue for 2023: $1,364.7B). Most of this is accounted for by Pharmaceutical Wholesaling (Revenue for 2023: $1,102.6B) For large pharma companies, the median gross profit margin approaches 40% (37.4%, to be a little more exact).

(3) Health & Medical Insurance (Revenue for 2023: $1,246.9B) Average profit margin: around 4% (less than that of hospitals).

Looking at revenues and profit margins, we see that health care systems (private hospitals and clinics) and health insurance companies are dwarfed by the corporate giants of Big Pharma Inc. Big Pharma is the dominant “stakeholder”, and therefore has the most clout. While hospitals can push on doctors directly, and insurers can pressure doctors, hospitals, and patients, nobody pushes on Big Pharma, which has by far the deepest pockets and can thus afford to lobby and bribe government legislators and bureaucrats like no one else. It pushes on everybody.


... it's from an anticipated book that we knew was in the works, just wasn't sure when it would be finished and released, it must be getting near the release date... i'll credit the author after the release of his book, but he shares the same first-name as me, and you can almost spell 'gallon' if you mix-up the letters from his last-name (almost)... so, i had a shit-night's sleep again, so i think i'm going back to bed with a couple of tylenol for now... i hope you have an enjoyable wednesday, it's the calm before the storm for us.  --  ct

02-22-23 later:  140 over 78, and 66 BPM, not bad, not great, but not terrible either. --  ct

02-22-23 more later:  reading some observations about a term called 'parasitic divergence', it's where you have 'parasites' that are in charge(feeding off of a host), they have accumulated the majority of the world's riches and resources, and get the lower-class to work for them, and to also pay for some of the parasite's pet-projects and theories in the form of taxation... i have no arguments against that principle... but i do have some opinion regarding the ruling parasites... they fancy themselves as usually being the smartest people in the room (think dunning-kruger), and because they are smart and have access to resources that others don't have they think that the lower-class are the actual parasites because we receive government subsidies while their corporations and non-profit organizations have to pay more in taxes then average working-class folks have to pay (unless they have great tax attorney's that know how to work the system)... it's my opinion that the ghouls in charge view us lower/working-class folks as the parasites, so buying government cooperation is viewed as a justifiable action because 'they should be getting more from their taxation then the little-guy that pays less in taxes'... that's my opinion... i love to see philanthropists that worked our system, feels some regret for their mass-accumulation (or they genuinely have a good heart), and repents, and gives back to folks that could actually use a little help, but most of the 'foundations' of today's economic-elites are simply tax-shelters to fund pet-projects while throwing some occasional scraps to folks in some sort of need, the foundations are really just a type of work-around slush-funds... anyhow... i think the economic-over-class parasites see the folks that get 'tax-credits' as the actual parasites, which gives them an excuse to further work the system in order to get an ROI on the taxes that they had to pay, it's how they justify trying to rule the world in a way that they think is 'normal'. -- ct

02-21-23:  i've an appt in MA for a bit today, i hate going to MA for appointments, to legally carry a firearm there you need a LTC that's only good for one year as an out of stater, and you have to take half a day off work to be interviewed in Chelsea, they charge entirely too much money, and then they restrict he shit out of when you can carry your firearm, so i won't give them my extra tax anymore, i don't carry in MA, and will only travel there for very special circumstances because of their policies... and every other place there is a soft-target (a place where you are not allowed to carry personal firearms) even if you were carrying one, if you aren't privileged under LEOSA then you are screwed... look all i'm saying is that if i show up for my appointment and there are two Saudi security personnel, and one of them is holding an angle-grinder with a cut-off wheel, well i want to be able to shoot my way out of the room, OK... why is that so much to ask for... but if something really bad happens while i'm visiting that lovely state the average citizen would wish that i was carrying my personal-security device... anyways, not really looking forward to the appointment, or driving in the snow to get there (i thought there was just a low chance of rain this morning)... glad that my first appt today is a video-chat, at least that person won't be physically poking and prodding me... OK, God bless, and please pray for me, or wish me good luck, or send me good vibes--whatever it is that you do i'd appreciate some of it today. --   ct

02-21-23 later: i rocked the blood-pressure today, one-thirty something over eighty something, that was a pleasant surprise, i don't think i clocked-in lower than one-forty something for quite sometime, got to the one-fifties for a long season... with respect to today's measurements i'm still going to check with a cuff that the VA sent to me years ago, i should be doing that once a week now, i had to do it daily for a season... so if today's gauge was properly calibrated then it's sort of good news, one thirty-ish over eighty-ish isn't so terrible, and it's about as low as it's been in years, even in more recent months... i didn't want to go to the appointment and had to drive some roads that i'd rather not travel to get there and back, so those considerations could get the anxiety and blood-pressure up, but i clocked-in in a respectable BP despite that, so it's a positive as far as i'm concerned... thanks for prayers for those that did, i appreciate it, and i'll be keeping closer tabs on the BP going forward...
... two exams today, the VA isn't wasting anytime, they are moving at a pretty fast-pace as far as disability claims, i didn't have sharp discernment and didn't really advocate for myself back in the day, so i submitted to gas-lighting and lazy medical professionals, and the VA's first rating... but they make the whole process better now, and so much more efficiently too thanks to online portals, back in the day there was no internet access, and all of my paper records that were kept over a three year period were 'lost', so a decade or two later i get in touch with some of my old Army buddies, and they wrote official statements regarding an accident that i was in (which i now have a vdeo 're-enactment' that we shot an hour or two after i left the ER), but it was during the period of time that was 'lost' in some records disaster or something in St. Louis (they never made it back from iraq as far as i can tell)... so the buddy-statements went a long way in connecting some dots about trauma (my holistic reactions and residual effects to some nasty experiences)... the folks at the Manchester DVA helped me through that whole process a decade ago, and nowa-days you can just get on the inter-web/webber-net and just answer questions to various 'wizards' and get the process started on our own... besides the physical things that left me a bit compromised and gimpy, there is is the ptsd thing from a couple of weird experiences in one small/tiny combat deployment, that fall under the 'impacted moral grief' category which is different from the accident in woodland park, they screw with your head in different ways it seems... but the kicker for me is being subjected to many prophylactics in such a short period of time, and all because we might possibly be exposed to certain germs/particles/weapons, so 'just in case' and 'rather safe then sorry' (sound like insurance salesmen) were the philosophies of the day, some of those shots or pills did not agree with my stomach, and ODS and a few years after were a bit of a blur really, according to one statistic that i heard was that i'm in a single-digit percentile of folks that 'got PTSD' during ODS... i think my mind and body just didn't transition very well after a few experiences, whether that was in part to chemical/toxin/vaccination (or combination of several of them) is another set of data/variables that i never contemplated until recently, i assumed that many of the things that we blew-up were releasing some unhealthy particles, that comes with hazards of being a battlefield land-troop that was tasked with using skill-sets of detonating ordnance to rid the iraqi military of it's stock-piles of ordnance, i fully expected toxic exposure due to our specific job, but never suspected that the jabs or the pills that we 'leap of faith' took because we were told they were for our own good might possibly be effecting me... no matter what the source, or combinations of sources that contributed to some of my ailments it's good to know for history-sake, and learning from our mistakes, but understanding root-cause doesn't change anything physically speaking, what's done is done, it just gives you a better more complete understanding of what transpired, and how your body reacted to certain experiences and/or molecules... it's nice to know certain things that help you gain a better/more-detailed view of reality (the big-picture), but it doesn't really fix anything... so look, my point is that the VA seems to be taking some responsibility for exposing troops to toxins, they make the 'compensation' process pretty simple, you will have to advocate for yourself, and make sure that certain folks receive relevant information and forms and go for an exam or two... i'd like to know exactly why my body/mind reacted to certain stressors and toxins that didn't really effect other folks (genetics), but realistically speaking--one bad batch or improperly preserved vaccine can really do a lot of harm, it's no different then another toxin exposure, it's just injected directly into your shoulder... so, i dunno, i might just be a weak specimen of a human, with many frailties and imperfections and flaws, but if i was on the receiving-end of an experimental serum that screwed with me for so many years, well that's a different data-set/variable to consider... man, i was injected/stuck more times than a prime-porcupine during mating season, but no records of any of that, brilliant... but the VA seems to be very accommodating and understanding of certain things today that they might have been more prone to gas-lighting and denial in years past, that's how it seems from my perspective... anyhow, today's exams went well, my BP wasn't too bad, and my knee hasn't been bad for awhile, so the exams for those two things will probably show insignificant benefits, the VA still has to help fix them when they flare-up, but they don't necessarily have to award a pay benefit if they are insignificant when they evaluate them... i have no idea what the ptsd appointment showed the Doc that i chatted with, she agreed that talk-therapy seemed beneficial to me, and to maybe start that up again even if the intervals are more spread-out, i certainly don't need weeklies right now, but she wasn't allowed to offer any advice because she was hired to just conducted a survey/exam on behalf of the VA, that was it... she seemed like a pleasant gal, nice chatting with her.   --   ct
02-20-23: my last post from yesterday is not over-dramatic in the least bit, the chemical spill and burn in Ohio is no small matter, it might not be radio-active nasty, but it's certainly contaminated and spoiled for an unknown (or undisclosed) period of time... it is NOT safe for folks that had any film on any of their property to go back to life as normal... did they measure the temperature of the actual fire, and measure that against the temps necessary to render the toxins safe, and what is the danger of the by-products of the burn, did you really have to hose the cars down, or did that cool-off the chemicals too much to burn at temps high enough to render them non-toxic... what do the soil/water/residue samples reveal, what sorts of toxic residue is really left in the surrounding areas? maybe a mile was safe, but residual contaminants/toxins/by-products are going to be something to reckon with some time... it's NOT good to go/spread down-stream, but it's not just going down-stream, it's traveling straight downward too, that's soil and ground-water supply, that's in addition to air-born toxins/particulates... seems like the rail-road company is trying to be responsible in helping folks effected, but FEMA and EPA ought to be taking it much more seriously and cautiously, they need to figure out how much decontamination efforts are required, and how to decontaminate 'safely and effectively', a couple of words that lost their meaning and respect over the last couple of years... so the feds aren't getting a very high-rating from me on the train clean-up efforts, the fact that biden made his photo-op jaunt to ukraine to promise zillions more US Tax-payer money is beyond my comprehension, and the fed's understanding the seriousness of a very big deal going on right n Ohio, the decision to travel was a simple example of a retarded perspective of priorities... we don't need to keep growing NATO folks, let's take a serious look at problems in our country, no other nation is going to come help us fix our own problems, it's time for biden's team to get a little perspective on priorities, you seem to be in over your head in dealing with important decisions and actions, and it's not going unnoticed. -- ct

02-20-23 later:  check out this great answer to a question posted on quora, i'm probably not allowed to copy and paste the whole thing, buti'm not making any money off of it, so i don't feel bad with the old copy-n-paste... i became a fan of 'talk therapy' after over a decade of being on pharma-therapy...
Having worked in a psychiatry clinic for years, here is one thing that deeply concerned (I wouldn’t say “scared”) me and that I think would concern others:

Sometimes psychiatrists don’t really know if psychotropic medication will help or not, but they prescribe it in a somewhat experimental fashion to “see what happens” thinking “maybe it will help.” Sometimes they also do not know the specific actions that a drug has upon the brain, and prescribe medication in a manner similar to shooting buckshot, hoping to get lucky and hitting upon something that will work. This approach to psychiatric medication, especially with children, is very concerning.

There are times that talk therapy has been shown to be as effective, if not more effective, as a form of treatment than medication. Under those circumstances I would consider talk therapy first, if for no other reason than the side effects of talk therapy are nothing compared to the possible side effects of some medications.

Big pharma has educated people to think that the solution to our problems is to be found in medication. Medication can and does save lives. In no way am I against using medication if it is necessary. I have also seen, however, parents and teachers wanting to medicate an unruly child whose behaviors are annoying but not actually clinically significant. I have seen people come into a psychiatric clinic and ask for medication and be unwilling to address the basics of being a healthy human: what foods are you eating? are you getting enough sleep? how much exercise are you getting?

The bottom line for me would be if someone suggested psychotropic medication to me I would have some questions: If this medication is being suggested based on a clinical diagnosis, explain to me how that clincial diagnosis fits with what I am experiencing, and how you anticipate this medication will bring me relief from those symptoms. What is the history of this medication being prescribed for what I am experiencing? Based on clinical research, how effective is this medication for the symptoms I am experiencing? Explain to me the research and clinical trials associated with this medication. What are the known side effects of this medication? How likely am I to experience those side effects? What are the actions of this medication upon my brain and body? Are there alternatives to medication that it would be safe for me to try first? How long do you anticipate that I will need to be on this medication? Is there a generic for this medication that would be less expensive than prescribing a brand name?

I have never known a client to ask all those questions when psychotropic medication is suggested as a form of treatment for them. Most just defer to those making this suggestion to them because they are doctors and therapists, and it is assumed that they know what they are doing. Ask. It’s your life and your body. Be a strong advocate for your own health and well-being.


... yeah man, great answer... should we be inclined to ask all of those questions every time we are prescribed medicine, or any other therapy or prophylactic... shit-cha we should... don't fall for blind-faith, be inquisitive and know why you do what you do.  --  ct

02-20-23 more later:  i think Chris Langan just released his first chapter in his next book, his substack is subscription-based, so clocking on the link might not get you access, i dunno... but, i think a post that he did on his substack a week or two ago was the introduction, and today's substack post would probably be chapter one, R. Malone will probably appreciate it... read it if you can, i'm not going to write a report/review on it, that's up to you read and process on your own, but it's a well organized and articulated insightful publication.   --  ct

02-20-23 more later then before:  so there is a political tit-for-tat exchange between well-known rivals, here's the thing with over-populated urban environments/geographies where you literally have to stack people on top of each other, cities are hives, if you are low-income and not really making ends meet in a city then you should probably consider moving to a place that makes more sens, and it suits your life-style better, but the hive needs it's worker-bees, so people stay and don't know that there is better opportunity elsewhere, but if the city is all that folks know, and is the only environment that they are familiar or comfortable in then they stay in the same place and try to figure out how to make the most of their environment, how they fit in, contribute... anyways, i don't think i thrived growing up in cities and suburbia, i probably would have done better growing up in the sticks or on a farm, maybe i would have gotten bored and wanted to explore more of the world, but i was not built for long-term city dwelling, nice place to visit on occasion, but it's much too over-stimulating and noisy and too many distractions and threat-assessments to really enjoy, i might have done better moving to the sticks after the Army, but i didn't, i went back to where/what i knew, and an over-stimulating lifestyle that i was accustomed to, just not an environment where i really thrive... so the whole political tit for tat thing just makes me think more about the different life-styles and stimuli contrasts from heavy-urban hives to more spread-out places with more opportunities, cities aren't sustainable, they require imports to satisfy their physiological needs, they don't have room to grow or raise their own sources of food so they are unsustainable, and probably why they are so heavily taxed and controlled and governed, i understand the humanity/empathy to subsidize and help folks that could realize use the help, it's just a different sort of hive relationship, with government dependency, i understand why socialism is more appreciated in urban environments, it's an efficient way to control the residents/hive... i was born a city boy, but never really appreciated or thrived in it, it costs more money for housing in over-populated hives where real-estate is scarce or monopolized, you don't have much space to help source some of your own food, which means you need to earn more income to pay for things that you know that you need but haven't prioritized, that's what i mean by limited opportunity in cities, you don't have the space/resources to live more self-sufficient and sustainable... maybe cities are nice for some folks, i dunno, but i think that a quieter setting where you do things that you need to do for a sustainable life-style like growing or raising or harvesting food that you know that you need... i don't thrive in a hive, i need more space and tranquility and using the environment to provide as it was designed to sustain us... anyways, i'm a recovering city-boy that understands that my current venue/environment is not sustainable, or healthy in some respects, people that live in the country might be horrified to hear that an east-coast city-boy wants to move to a location near them, and invade their environment and compete for their resources, it's some folks biggest nightmare, but when the city-boy realizes there are more sustainable and healthy places to live then the city-boy has to get moving, expect to get your hands dirty, but working the land which produces the resources that we require should be common-knowledge, you don't have to devote your life to agriculture, but being able to produce some of your own food is sustainable, convenient stores work for some things, but shouldn't be where you get most of your food from... i got passionate about the city-protagonist, it's just not a sustainable life-style, but some folks require a hive, i find them over-stimulating.  --  ct

02-20-23 later then before: 
02-19-23: i don't have much of a book/subscription budget these days, so usually wait for books that look interesting to get to a digital 'sale price', or free, so, fortunately the publishing company that R. Malone works with is making a few good historical perspectives of our recent history, you can down-load them for free starting tomorrow, (you will find a link when you get past the 'funnies', and the free-be lasts a week, and then this book right here was reviewed by a substack author that reviews/reports on other published materials, and how they relate to current affairs... so those will probably all be good week-enders coming up in the near future... it's a bit warm and over-cast today in rockingham county, i don't have much to do other then making a dump-run that i didn't fit in yesterday, it's a crappy excuse to get me outside for a bit, but i'll use it for all it's worth.  --  ct

02-19-23 later:  i've had some weird viewer statistics on this blog-thing/website, every one to two months i'll get peppered with much larger viewership, it looks like the latest has run that cycle, it's probably just surveillance, maybe i post something negative to government spokes-line mixed-in with some simple key-words, and badda-bing,,, warning, warning, warning... that's OK, i suppose i do taunt and criticize policy-makers, and the new rules they make, and the way they spend our tax-dollars on their theories, follies, and self-interests...and, 'side-gigs' and such... i guess i sort of criticize those folks from time to time, so it shouldn't surprise me much when i wrote about, well, things like firearms, atf, nfa, pistol-braces on AR-platforms, second amendment, constitution, biden, brandon, yellen, wray, vaccines, wef, ygl, who, un, eu, wb, imf, gates, soros, prince, king, schwabb... oh, the list could go on and on for days, right... but i think when i write something that contradicts the public-relations/spokes-people/image-control folks, and the propaganda that they spew like a bad stomach-bug, when you do that and mix-in key-words with thesaurus, word-proximity, and operators, and a mess of other search attributes, and then viewership spikes happen a few times here and there, and then i get a bit more attention than usual/appropriate... maybe sometimes folks like to poke-in to see what i'm complaining about, but this week's viewership was pretty normal, but the previous two or three weeks were weird, much too high... maybe someone from the ATF want's to know what regular normal people think about certain statements/publications, criminals certainly won't give a shit about any new laws or decisions, but regular normal people that acquire legal firearms through regular FFL, and want to enjoy their firearms for all lawful purposes, we will be the only people effected by new opinions on arm-braces... some firearm platforms can make good use of an arm-brace or a telescoping stock, i have an affinity for the side-folding telescoping firearm extension, so of course the new atf opinion effects two of my 'AR-pistols', and at least two more sort-barrel riffles that i intended on building some day... i'm not really a long-distance shooter, i haven't shot more than 300 yards in a decade or so (from what i can remember), but i like the shorter-range AR-based configurations, the .458 SOCOM cartridge burns it's powder and gasses efficiently in a rifle-barrel length that's shorter than 16-inches, it's considered a good hog cartridge, and they have enough power to harvest some pretty big game at close distances as well, we have lot's of woods in this area, and short-barreled rifles excel in close-quarter environments like wooded areas, similar with 300 BLK, the longest gas-system they use is carbine which is pretty short, but most are pistol-length, so it's another cartridge that's a good woods-gun in an AR-platform, you don't need 16-inches of barrel to make proper use of the powder, and then there is the trending 8.6 BLK cartridge that is suitable for very big game (cape buffalo) that makes use of quick ignition powders that don't need longer barrels either, but it functions in the larger AR-10 foundation/bones... so... if any of the atf-types want to know what regular normal people think about short-barreled rifles, and why they are great hunting firearms despite critics ignorance, it's because of the rounds that you use through the firearm... the AR platform is highly configurable, it's a core which you can customize easy easily to different calibers, length, magazine, bolt, and spring, and gass-systems/setting combinations to fire bullets of any sizes and shapes, although there are variations of certain mechanics and operating systems that can be used on an AR, the greater majority require the use of an extension-tube that sticks-out of the back-end, and that tube get's filled with a spring and buffered weight that helps ease recoil as well as moving the bolt-carrier forward and backwards, so you sort of need the extension-tube and the stuff in it for the gun to work, now a brace or a stock just slides onto most common tubes... a regular stock could be taped or velcro'd to your wrist/arm and also give more mass of the gun to you shoulder if you want to shoulder-fire the rifle, pistol-braces or arm-stabilizing braces could be used to help secure part of your body to part of the gun, and so do traditional rifle or carbine stocks, they are just a better developed piece of modern sporting rifle, they are larger so they have more mass for your shoulder to stabilize and absorb impact, if you use a brace to stabilize from the shoulder there is less mass/surface-area for your shoulder to absorb impact/recoil... you can operate a 24-inch barreled AR-rifle with no stock on the back at all, just the bare receiver-extension (sometimes call buffer tube), so the tool/hardware works independently of something that may help support or to absorb the impact of each shot... so, my point is, is that if you pass a NICS-check you shouldn't have to jump through extra hoops and pay extra taxes to buy a rifle with a shorter barrel... i think the whole bull-shit with pistol-braces is that laws change from jurisdictions as to what someone can carry and display in public, one of the things that folks do with open-carry jurisdictions is that they carry their AR-pistols slung around them, and walk around in public, but there is also jurisdictions that let folks open-carry rifles, but you have to conceal pistols, so if the pistol looks too much like a rifle, or the rifle looks too much like a pistol then if fvcks with people--and Law-enforcement's heads a bit, and then folks assume that other folks are crossing a line, or assume that guns are only used for crime, so they think the gun-owner is a criminal, or someone that will use the firearm to force someone to do something against their will, sometimes missing the obvious fact that these folks might want to be protecting themselves against criminals that have guns and will try to force them to do things against their will... anyways, it will be interesting to see if keywords and proximity searches kick-off another round of viewer spikes... btw way, sound-suppressors (there is no such thing as a 'silencer', although you can make a slow-traveling bullet pretty quiet) shouldn't require extra hassles and taxes either, they help preserve people's hearing and help make the world a more peaceful place with less noise-level... so, not sure that i'm going to register my pistols as SBR's, i might just put the smooth-style receiver-extension on them and let the law-suits play-out and keep my pistols as legal pistols, they still work fine...
... now, at the same time the same administration is pushing to do away with AR-based firearms altogether... that really bugs the shit out of me, worse than the stabilizing brace opinion... the more gun-control you enact the more you look like a runaway government that knows why founding fathers wanted citizens to protect themselves against runaway-governments (how convenient to forget certain periods of history)... so, if government-puppets that support communist-authority fail to recognize the clear message that rogue-executives and deep-staters are sending to regular normal people, then they should feel happy to stop-by and read my opinions anytime they choose, it's my pleasure to host your curiosity, but i tell ya, i hate buying a few more receivers here and there expecting rogue-executive privilege to prevent me from buying them in the future when i could sufficiently budget for them, i think one more AR-10, and some of Aero's pistol caliber lowers, there are a few more models that i want to assemble, and be able to legally pass them down to future generations of responsible and legal gun-owners, we raised good kids, not gang-bangers and organized criminals that use guns for force, but for protection, harvesting protein, and plinking targets...
... another thing that most scaredy-cats fail to recognize, is the therapeutic effect of concentration and attention control and focus that you get from calming yourself to make a good precise shot, some folks can't really understand that, they might be too manic to properly understand calming properties in breathing control and concentration, look-up the definition of 'group therapy' in relation to shooting, the therapeutic effect is real... so, that's all i have to say about spike in viewers, i assume that it's probably related to complaining about the government from time to time... i actually appreciate our government quite a bit, i just don't like when opportunists exploit the shit out of it while they are in power, it bugs the crap out of me worse than a whole jar of that tasteless concentrated fiber supplement... Alright, i'm done complaining for now, and i'll check the stats later, but i'm small-potatoes really, just a humble-man's opinion in an ocean-sized industry and citizenry... enjoy your sunday, i hope it's a good one for you. -- ct

12-19-23 more later:  this is interesting... i'd love to see the meteorite/fragments, and know what their composition is... to know where that meteor originated and the path that it took to get to earth... was it smoldering when it touched ground, did it cause any ground-shaking... anyways, pretty interesting, i'm pretty sure that it wasn't a spy balloon, but i'm no expert... notice that NASA used the opportunity to sell their relevance and place in this world and federal budget, even though they did nothing but take a few pictures of it as it tumbled to earth, it's not like they moved it's trajectory to push it away from earth or anything, they just tracked it... anyways, if the heavens are going to fall and kill us then NASA isn't going to save one soul, they might be able to give us a little warning, but that's about it... at least they know how to track santa claus one day per year.  --  ct

02-19-23 laterer: i don't know how the Navy guys can do submarines, i had a buddy that retired Navy and was a sub-mariner for most of his service, that's not my jam, i'd rather be in the woods or jumping straight in then under the sea, but the Navy really softened Iraq before our 'ground war' started, (same for the Air Force too)... but the USS Albacore had a ten-to-one ration, they were credited with sinking ten ships, but they presumably lost to one mine, thousands of miles away from home, and deep under the sea... God bless the Navy guys, that's not for me, but they were a very effective crew that perished back in the forties. -- ct

02-19-23 past bed-time: if we are to take the PACT Act serious, and the many environmental/toxin-exposure provisions that it seems to take into consideration for Veterans... if the PACT Act is actually a sort of restitution toward veterans because the government learned something about hazardous exposure, and if we want to be responsible to our environment because we want to leave it in good shape for future generations, the why isn't there an all-out effort, full-blow response to the toxic-releasing, environment-harming, controlled-burning derailed train, you know, that thing, why isn't there a federal/environmental task-force trying to clean-up that hazardous situation, if it were in New York there would have been a farm-aide stadium-packing all-day concert fund-raiser already, and the world would be praying for America... if we are to learn from our mistakes then we have to put serious effort into public-safety and environmental/human hazards and toxic exposure... don't fvcking tell people that it's safe to return to their homes, while smoke-plumes burn for days and toxins are contaminating water and soil, 'there will be a physical threat to you for years to come if you stick around there' should be the message... how about not down-playing the threat to human and environment health... burn in place because they didn't want an explosion, i understand the idea, but for the sake of not causing any public fear and maintaining a good public-image instead of letting folks know that they had a couple of really shitty options, and elected to go with the control-burn option, do they even know how much of which chemicals are still spilling into the soil and water, and what it will take to try to clean it up... the brandon admin bad really better step-up their game and priority with this 'disaster', i'm sure they will find opportunities to exploit the situation, i'm sure there is a bio clean-up industry that is ready to go into action, i'm sure that the greenie-environmental investors are ready to pounce on the opportunity to capitalize on a disaster, whether it be natural or man-made is almost irrelevant these days, the cause/line is blurred... anyhow, i wouldn't let folks back near that area/plume under any condition, maybe, if FEMA provide protective boots/clothing for the home-owners to gather their possessions, and help with emergency shelter upwind and upstream... the pace and priority and timing and importance in the biden administration's response to the contamination and pollution in Ohio tells me that they haven't learned anything about toxin exposures covered in the PACT Act... how about learning from the 9/11 emergency responders that developed respiratory and other health problems from exposure to toxins, haven't we learned from past mistakes, or was the PACT Act, and environmental protection, and protecting people's safety and health just a facade, a public-image stunt to satisfy sponsors and special-interests... they really ought to be warning residents of the possible dangers to their health by staying around, and that the ground and water are going to be harmful for years to come, you don't want to grow on it, you don't want to be playing on it... it's disingenuous to not inform the public of the detrimental-reality of toxin exposure... i'm not pleased, didn't we learn from the mistakes and accidents that led to the PACT Act?!  --  ct
02-18-23:  it's cool and sunny in rockingham county this morning, looks pretty... have a few chores to do, i'm over-due for some foot-ware, and this desk-chair has aged to a pretty uncomfortable state, got to get to the town dump, i mean 'transfer station', and a couple-two-three more things to do as well... i hope to read a bit, or a lot... probably write a little bit too, but sometimes that depends on what i had recently read... i should try to get my head back in a novelette that i'm working on too, i'll work on it over the weekend at some point, i'm just being a bit lazy and irresponsible with it now, it seems like... anyways, i hope your weekend is pleasant, peaceful, and doesn't force too much stress on your body and soul.  --  ct

02-18-23 later: so i'm getting inspired for the book/novelette thing again... here's what's weird about it (for me at least), some of the creativity and mini 'stories within the story' flowed effortlessly, and so i though that i just needed to expand upon, or add greater detail/depth and then it would be done, but the story took sort of another turn and going into subject matter that i had no interest in writing about, but now, going back to the first part that flowed out of the noggin is becoming hard to edit, or expand into more sub-stories that i had (different characters really)... so now the new part that i had no intention of even including in the book, it's flowing well, so then the first-part feels like it was just an introduction to the other part that i wasn't considering, pretty weird, right? i could probably write at least a few more follow-ups/volumes if i make each one around different life-stages/ages... hmmm, i'm going to put-off the modification to the first part for now, and see where this second/other part goes, i think i have a bit more confidence to write the second part now... and i'm not sure how much of the third part is required at all, maybe i got too far a head of myself thinking about the third part... i'm a rookie-writer, so i'm sure that i'm making plenty of mistakes in the composition of a story, a story with many sub-stories, a story that isn't hard to understand, and speaks to important subject-matter... OK, done thinking about it, opening-up the old file now see where the conversations go... pray for me, please, appreciated. -- ct

02-18-23 later then before:  nice day today, caught a movie (Antman) and dinner (Sylvan St Grill) for birthday celebration of oldest daughter, fish and chips were almost perfect, the movie was too fvcking loud and the screen was too big for where we were sitting, but the story-line was pretty good, the Marvel folks have some decent insight into certain things, but they always try too hard, and they push the audio-video spectacle to annoying levels... anyhow, it was a nice day and evening, daughter appreciated it all, the weather was decent, nothing to complain about but my aches and pains and there's not much more i can say on that subject anymore... i switched a couple of chairs around in the house and i'm more comfortable behind the computer now... got some new ugly shoes today, they are UGLY, but very comfortable, so my feet are happy from the shoes, my backside is happy from the chair, my mouth and stomach are happy from dinner, and i guess the movie was OK too, but my eyes and ears weren't rendered happy, it was too much spectacle for me... got some decent reading in today, not enough though, got a couple of pages written in one of the old projects, had some good quality-time with the wife and daughters, and it felt like a pretty decent day... there is some political stuff that i sort of feel like commenting on, but my head is in a good place right now, and i don't want to spoil it by contemplating negative things right now... anyhow, 'good night' to the reader, i might read some more and bed-down soon... God less.  --  ct
02-17-23: OK, i don't need to write another word right now, i have plenty of other things to consider, but/so i'm about half-way through joesepi rogan's episode with the ShotIQ founder--Joel Turner (i know nothing about him prior to today), but it's been nice listening to them chat, and the guy's way of concentrating but not over-thinking any process really, joe is right in noticing that if any foundation of truth is really true then it holds-true and can bounce the theory across a wide spectrum and see if it still holds true, it's not just 'peer-reviewed' -- it's cross-industry/religion/bias/peer review, that's when you know it's right/correct/true... so with that intro i'd say this guy is on-track, getting folks to slow-down enough to realize and acknowledge the reasons/factors behind their calculations and actions then you might have a world full of olympic-caliber participants/players/athletes or mathletes, keeping proper pace with your observational and computing capabilities and you are probably going to re-act and respond to your environment appropriately (and with less anxious anticipation), maybe even be a better person, the more you are tempered down to your true--or, current capacity then the better you can process and respond to your environment, i think i'm repeating myself, but some folks process time/environment/reality a bit faster or slower then others, you might take different things into account, and genetics or gifting has a bit to do with that (other factors too i'm sure), some folks appreciate and can operate in a face-paced environment, and folks like me don't, i'd drive myself crazy trying to be more manic then the body can appropriately respond, there ain't enough starbuck's tripple-shots to keep me moving efficiently at city-pace, sometimes i can, but i'd prefer the sounds of real nature over man-made sounds anytime, i react more positively to an environment that is less sensory-stimulating then urban business centers, i hate a concrete jungle... so i took a 'too much information' approach of saying that i like this guy's approach of folks being more cognitive about what they are processing, the determining factors as to how they made their decisions, and then executing an appropriate response to your environment/situation is important for anyone under almost every circumstance, some folks in certain situations are required to make decisions/responses more quickly and violently then other folks, it's their job or instinct or personality-type to do so, but getting folks to calibrate their observations and calculations and responses synced together is solid coaching fundamentals across many areas and industries, i've been told that i'm 'over-qualified' or too much of an idiot, or not functional enough, or too slow on plenty of occasions, there is only so many ways of trying to articulate the same principle in a nice of a way as possible... so, i say all of that to state that i'm more of a better shot than i am a poor one, i may not be able to tell you the thought-process that i go through to squeeze or release a trigger, but if you are not even a little bit confident about your shot then you have no business in taking it, sure you will hit your target sometimes, but instructors want to make sure that you know why you do what you do, and how to respond to different factors, how to adjust... if it feels a bit windy to me then i'll probably be taking the direction and speed into consideration, we do those sorts of calculations regularly even if we don't realize that we are doing so... so i like his emphasis on slowing down and knowing why you are doing what you are doing, you can't go wrong with that sort of preaching and teaching... over-thinking and lack of confidence and anxiety levels certainly play a part in our execution/response/reaction to many things in life, under and over-reactions to stimuli and stressors might be the difference in timing... anyways, i'm about beat, i'm getting ready to bed down for the night, but this was a pretty good JRE episode... good night and God less. -- ct
02-16-23:  [with updates] so this is a good post that you can read for free on substack, it's pretty relevant for me, so i thought i'd re-post and make some comments on it, i have a bunch to do today, and can't spend as much to gather all of my thoughts and experiences/memories on the matter as i'd like right now... not sure if it was 'pre anthrax exposure medicine' that i took that caused any problems or not with me...it's hard to tell, because i also took 'pre nerve agent exposure medicine' too, and i even think there was a 'pre radiation exposure medicine' that i also took... and those were all in conjunction with both shoulders getting multiple injections from those dreaded high-pressure air-gun delivery system (folks that are vaccine-hesitant usually have a historical/experiential reason for being so)... anyways, for years i had difficulty concentrating, i was too hyper-vigilant and had (sometimes i still do) a terrible time with memory/vocabulary recalling, ADD and dyslexia symptoms, i might have to read something three times before i really grasp it, those are just some cognition factors, never-mind chronic tension in back/neck/shoulders, my left knee seemed like the first part to start failing, i had been to the Army's 'sick call' several times for back strains before the knee, but my 'records' never got back to Colorado after my deployment to iraq, so they started new ones/records, and my knee was recorded in my new 'records', so they gave me a service-connected disability for the knee, but never for the back, my back was much more aggravating and bothersome than the knee, and the insomnia depression and anxiety were worse then the physical ailments, and those started after my accident in colorado (i'll post a video later, just look below for the link)... i've got news for you, i was already dealing with PTSD and some other physical ailments prior to ODS (operation desert storm), i wasn't dealing with them in the most healthy manner, but i was pretty capable and not necessarily 'debilitated' until after the deployment, and i didn't have a particularly stressful deployment either, we didn't have house-to-house/urban combat, and folks weren't getting blown-up right next to me, i had a couple of sketchy moments granted, but it wasn't terrible, but it was a bit of a blur, it was mostly driving around a different desert in the back of a 5-ton dump-truck... but wait a minute, so ALL of the records of ALL of the shots and pills that i had to take are not on file anymore/anywhere, because the files went 'missing'? yes--EXACTLY, no records, they started them from scratch when i got back to colorado, how fvcking convenient... anyways, i'll comment more on this later, but do yourself a favor and read Malone's substack, it was from a guest author, or maybe it was a re-post...
... i hope your thursday is going well, it's warm and a bit overcast here in rockingham county today, we may get a high temp about 60 today, what a treat. getting the hip looked at today, some unpleasant tests to get a better look around, see how the joint is compromised... it's also a special person's birthday today, i'm not going to name-drop, but God bless you sweetie. -- ct

02-16-23 later:  the video below was shot on 7/7/90, just about a year before i 'ETS'd' from active duty, i would have been out in Sept of 1990, but there was a mess brewing in the desert of iraq, so i stayed for nine months longer... if you watch the video, please don't mind the voice or acting, but i was just 'walking down the street, minding my own business' (from Eddie Murphy's 'Raw' video/special)... i'm the one with the bandages, and was joined by Hoss (who did the filming and commentary), Jed, who helped me get my shirt off and was the passenger inside of the truck when i fell, Smitty (aka Big Foot) who slightly resembled 'Steve Irkle' back in the day, and Bean the marlbaro-man (the owner/operator of the little red truck)--three out of those four guys wrote 'buddy statements' about the ordeal (basically offcial statements sent to the VA, because if it isn't documented in your military records then it never happened according to the VA)... considering that i survived the ordeal maybe i should have been a stunt-man, but if there were any cars coming from the opposite direction i'd a been a gonner, and if anyone was following closely behind us i would have bit it... so for folks that wear their hockey pads all the time--because you never know when you might fall out of a moving vehicle--i get you, it could happen... i thought i'd have a better chance getting struck by lightening, being in a plane crash, eaten by a shark, or wining the lottery, but lucky me, i got to try-out the airborne roll from very low altitude on asphalt while wearing a bathing-suit and a bandana instead... this was just one of the moments in history where i should have died, but apparently it wasn't time yet... so i like to make fun of the situation, but i must of replayed/relived/dreamed about that moment a zillion times since then, sometimes with a panic-attack, the moment was when i realized that i couldn't keep from falling, there was too much force and i wasn't strong enough to hang-on... it was very frustrating too, because i was like a spider-monkey/ninja/rock-climber/gymnast kind of guy that exercised and relied on my physical abilities up until that point in time, it was the first time where i felt like i wasn't in control, and i hated it, it was a tiny sliver of time that i couldn't get out of my head for decades... so i was already dealing with some ptsd from this accident prior to deploying to ODS, if the vaccines/prophylactics were shitty too then whadaya expect, certainly not a nobel laureate... anyhow, i hope you read Malone's substack from yesterday, i don't remember much about the anthrax vaccine, i think i spent most of my days trying to forget about the last year that i served in the army, not trying to learn about the serums and pills that i consumed at the demand of the department of the army and our government... i think i'm done writing for a bit, i'll just be blogging for a while... but i have news for the jab-riddled fool that has no empathy for vaccine-hesitant folks, try to do your very best manipulative/peer-pressure all you want to, but i've had enough of being a lab-rat/experiment, but i sincerely hope it works-out good for you.  --  ct

[UPDATE-02-19-23] So look, i don't really care about the 'too much information', and if i'm going to mention some of my symptoms i might as well mention the chronic headaches, they were manageable with NSAIDs and tramedol (sp?) for a while, but they might have also been my bodies response to insomnia, and trying to perform employment responsibilities for middle-class paying jobs, it wasn't until i was laid-off/fired from one job and lost medical insurance that i went back to the VA for regular healthcare is when the PCP that i was paired with picked up on a few things ptsd-like, he didn't like that ibuprophen was a food-group of mine, the motrin helped with the aches and pains to a good degree, but tylenol was better for the headaches, so that's when we started a few different pharma-chems to try to manage certain symptoms... so, i weened off of the tramadol a couple of years ago, it wasn't really helping much with the pain, it was a bit of a band-aid to help me still try to function doing what i thought i needed to do to provide a decent income... so head-aches that might have been insomnia related were a pretty significant symptom, trying to perform at high-levels while being sleep-deprived was a fools-errand, my body was not responding well to stressors... so anyhow, wanted to make mention of the head-aches, they seem to be less of an issue when i try to live a purposefully-peaceful lifestyle, sometimes sleeping medicine helps with enough consistent sleep to be functional and productive, and sometimes not so much, the stuff i take now gives me the least groggy/slow effect the next day, and six hours of consistent sleep is treat, and i don't get nearly as many (chronic) head-aches as i had in the past... since i've been unemployed i don't have too many demands for me to perform at high-levels for the days when the sleeping medicine failed, i used to over-do it with caffeine to try to perform, coffee, energy-drinks, they don't help much when you have chronic head-aches and anxiety and eventually effective hyper-tension, you can only tolerate so much caffeine for self-medication, it can kind of make somethings worse, and it doesn't fix the insomnia issue... so anyways, headaches, they haven't been a huge issue lately, but they certainly used to be, now they are just inevitable on the days when i slept like crap the night before, one certainly effects the other... i still love coffee, i just don't 'run on it' as a popular coffee-n-donut chain shamelessly sells its addictive products and blood-sugar spiking convections, it's only good in moderation, but i certainly still enjoy a couple of mugs the first few hours that i'm up, that's still sort of self-medicating and warming-up with one of nature's gifts... i used to self-medicate with wine to help with the insomnia, eventually it makes you sleepy, so it seemed like a logical way to help with an issue that it doesn't really help with, but vino has some stress-relieving properties for the anxious types, tastes wonderful, and would eventually make you sleepy, but it doesn't solve any insomnia problems really, it can really ruin the quality of the sleep that you do manage to get... so you already know that, but i had to learn it the hard way--experience, education, observation... OK, i'm done for the night, God bless you. -- ct

[a different update from ealrier:] since i put this comment on substack i ought to put it here too: i'd like to thank a Midwestern Doctor, and Robert Malone for the article, but you have to pay to leave a comment... if i had to pay to read everything that interests me i'd be more broke then i already am... i already pay for a few 'subscriptions' from some folks, but i can't keep paying for more and more subscriptions, sorry folks... with that aside, i appreciate the article, and the focus that they put on 'gulf war syndrome'... i blew-up tons (literally tons) of ordnance in iraq in 1991, and blame myself for much of the environmental hazards that a bunch of folks were exposed to, i'm sure it didn't make the air-quality any better for anyone--we don't know what was in all of those munitions, you could tell by some markings, but most bunkers were considered 'booby-trapped', so we couldn't move stuff around to really look at them, we just blew them in place, a bunker at a time (sometimes a few at a time)... anyhow, if it was one of (or a mix of) some of the prophylactics that we were forced to take (that caused much of the gulf war illnesses) then it helps ease my soul a bit, but it doesn't make anything better really, but fortunately we can learn from history/experience/hind-sight, etc -- ct
02-15-23:   just got an annual 'America is grateful to you for your service' letter, and i'm every bit as grateful to America too, it was my pleasure to work for the Army for a bit, it was during impressionable years and gave me opportunities to learn things that i never would have learned and experienced and met some very respectable people that otherwise wouldn't have... so the feeling is mutual 'America', i appreciate the freedoms that we take for granted, and the opportunities that i've had because of where i was born and raised, i appreciate the employment opportunities, and the benefits that came with many of those old jobs, as much as i hate paying taxes we get a lot of infrastructure support in rockingham county, so i don't mind paying some taxes really, i know a bunch of it goes to good causes--and some goes to shitty causes--but i appreciate you right-back America--so we've got some mutual respect for one another... and then the letter says when i served active-duty, and left honorably, and that i'm broken a bit with service-connected blah blah blah... so it's nice to get this annual reminder of mutual appreciation once per year, it's one of the things you can just download now through the VA's portals, they make it easy to download certain things and records now... so right back at ya 'America the beautiful'... i don't appreciate a bunch of bull-shit that policy-makers are doing and who is really supporting so many shitty new or updated policies, i'm not going to lie, i hate a bunch of that shit like you wouldn't believe, but otherwise there are parts of America that are still beautiful, and aren't as crazy as other places, and AMerica does offer many freedoms and advantages for tax-paying citizens--and even extends some benefits to those who don't fit that description, despite my disagreement with certain policies i still appreciate America, and America should never be subservient to non-government global entities (other governments really, just unofficial ones), it's a sovereign nation, and needs to stay that way, it doesn't need to be one of those WEF expansion nations like Canada, and New Zealand, and Austalia, it doesn't need to be overly controlled by governments like the CCP either, i understand that's an efficient way to take more control from the citizen and run a big government machine, but a Constitutional Republic with certain unalienable rights is the more sustainable type of governing, America has to remain beautiful in that way... so I love you America--but real love is being able to criticize you when you are misbehaving or not quite grasping reality, so, you know, i do that a bit... thank you for my annual letter America, i appreciate you too, and i just wanted to let you know that before i start criticizing again. -- ct

02-15-23 later:  ultrasound 'heard' no evidence of plaque in my big neck arteries, and the blood was moving in the correct direction, so i think i'm good, they still want to test the heart though, that's in a couple-two-three weeks still... they are still going to want me to get on a statin because of the cholesteral
02-14-23: happy valentine's day--if you're into that sort of thing, but it's really just tuesday, isn't it... guess i'm not the romantic-type, but i let my wife know that i love and appreciate her, probably something that's wise everyday with your spouse or serious partner... so i'm not writing to criticize days/traditions that are exploited by opportunists to sell a bunch of crap that they can't otherwise sell enough of through regular means, nope, i'm just writing for the sake of writing right now, just for the thought-clearing--or maybe processing--therapy that helps assist with focus too, that's mostly what writing is to me... if you are going through a shit-storm, or grieving, or trying to organize/process your thoughts, maybe trying to see/discern if your lifestyle and habits and priorities are sustainable, or if the dam is springing leaks and you are feeling pressure--well, look, i can't sell you on anything that you don't want to do, but writing/journaling is a healthy way to spend some dedicated time to contemplating things that you can't figure out, or things that are bugging you, or shaking you to your core, stressors, etc... these days--with surveillance getting to the point that it's at--it's probably not so wise to write on a website for the world to see, so maybe the example of this simple blog-thingy isn't the smartest way to open-up and communicate, but i also have a higher tolerance for risk and safety then average... so i'm just writing to keep in practice, and maybe encourage the reader to write a bit too, it's a good outlet, and a way to actually meditate in a world that doesn't seem to offer much time for yourself, or to slow-down and really gather your thoughts, to look beyond your biases, routines, and sometimes even what your sense of priorities versus reality versus sustainability... even if you have some strong artistic outlet, or another way of communicating, if you don't have enough peace, or there is too much discomfort, or instability, or sense of balance--well maybe think of writing somehow, someway--again, airing everything out online maybe isn't a great  place to start, or maybe it is, i dunno... there is therapy in writing, just as there are other therapeutics that help with lot's of things... many times i write things that i haven't taken into prayerful consideration yet, so certain writing is also like a way of praying in some respects--God must know me as his number one chief complainer, i have a tendency to do a lot of complaining when i write, it's pretty much what my whole 'politics and current events' section is about, it's just me complaining about policy-makers the policies they make and the methods/propaganda they use to sell their support of the legislation... and then many times i complain in this section too, 'how about little cheese with that whine' might be an appropriate retort form time to time... it doesn't matter how inter/introspective you are, but if you are trying to make sense of certain things, or trying to figure out certain other things then maybe you don't have the ability to see a broader-perspective, or a more detailed analysis maybe, maybe you just can't see the whole equation/information in your mind, maybe you need to get it all out of your head and write it on a white-board or something, onto some medium where you can analyze the data/stimuli/feelings/emotions, sometimes you need a visual representation, because you're head isn't quite capable of entirely 'visualizing' everything in your thoughts alone... anyways, don't underestimate the therapeutic effects from writing, and if you see writing as just an artistic/creative way of expressing yourself then you might also think about writing as a means to keep yourself grounded and in reality and in the moment, keep your ego and perspective of reality in check, make sure you write non-fiction too... so just offering a suggestion to the reader, you are reading right now, do you write too, or just keep it all up in your noggin... my noggin doesn't have a ton of storage-capacity, so i need to get it on paper/computer/internet too... i think the best use of writing might be as prayer, as well as working through problems, having hiney-sight ability--you know--to look back and see where you've gained some new/different understanding, etc, and to pass along understanding to the next generation, you can write to any specific audience you want to, and about anything or nothing in particular, i like to pray by writing to God to know what i don't think is very right, and sometimes about things that i appreciate, and sometimes about things that i just don't understand based on my limited knowledge or perspective, that's pretty much how i usually pray... sometimes i pray for better/different outcomes for people or situations, those things and times when out-look appears to be mortal or devastating, sometimes i just pray to let God know that i appreciate certain things, sometimes i even thank him for my life and the opportunity to experience it with the freedoms that i've been endowed, the health that i have, the people in my life... anyhow... writing has a therapeutic property that should not be over-looked, and then knowing that your kids or grand-kids, etc., might read it and find it helpful somehow, well, that's like icing on the cake. -- ct

02-14-23 later:  here's an insightful quote from a psychologist and professor, it's regarding a 'peer's' criticism of his book, basically it's pointing-out the critic's feeble attempt to distort reality, whether the 'distortionist' (actor/fool) is doing it intentionally, or because he's an idiot (yes, you can be intelligent and functional, yet be a moral-idiot) remains to be seen:
 "provides here a prototypical example of a straw man argument. He distorts the contents of my book and then criticizes his own misrepresentation of it.  --  Mattias Desmet"
... it's good to understand some of the methods used by fraudsters/actors/moral-idiots/time-wasters/distortionists, sometimes we don't fully recognize what they do in real-time, but when something gets your bullshit-antenna up it's helpful to look at the situation from the psychologist, trial-attorney, or hollywood producer's point of view, and break it down to how the player was trying to play you, sometimes i assume the best of these people, and take them for face-value, and other times i realize that i'm giving the devil/deceiver too much of my time and attention and them trying to bend reality... but it's interesting to see the manipulation/distortion/distraction/deceitful methods that predators use to waste the time of civil and respectful folks, when folks don't say truthful things because they got bad information or don't fully understand then you chalk it up to naivete and cut them slack and help them learn and understand facts/truths/reality, but when folks intentionally manipulate/distort/distract/deceive/mis-lead then they are what you could call 'moral-idiots', they might be otherwise intelligent, but their credentials, accomplishments, positions are fluff and smoke and mirrors, you can be smarter than a zillion others as far as raw IQ is concerned, but if you are a distortionist you are very-much part idiot, a moral idiot... it's interesting watching the way that distortionists reject so-called conspiracy theories, and try to discredit/distract truth when they are faced with it, they can get creative with their techniques maybe, but the dis-connection to reality isn't anything new, people have been lying for millennia, and it's a sad time-waster, if you want real progress then you have to be truthful, being a deceitful smart-ass helps no one progress, it just pushes negative agendas, and it's demonstrates the compromise of the soul, the unbalanced ego, and a failure to recognize God who sees/hears/knows what's really going on... don't be a reality/truth distorting moral idiot, it wastes time and progress, and works against humanity, reality, and God... but you probably already know that much... true/false, one/zero, yes/no... false IS negative, it is NOT positive (that's about as mathy as i get), therefore it conflicts with truth/progress/reality, deceit is mal-adjusted, it adds a false statement in an otherwise good equation, reality and progress require truthful statements and data, otherwise the equation is always fluffy bull-shit, i think that's a solid occam's razor example for you, lying is negative, which is false, you don't want to throw false statement into equations of reality, you just want truthful statements based on accurate (and hopefully complete) information... i don't appreciate distortionists, they waste their intelligence/gifts and time, and they aren't helping anything, just stroking their unbalanced egos and displaying their moral-idiocy for the world to see... sometimes i'm the village idiot, and sometimes their are moral/village idiots who are otherwise the smartest guy in the room... some folks have a good social-intelligence, some folks have a good moral-intelligence, the folks that have them both are special, and of those folks the one's who are also spiritually intelligent can help turn the world in a better direction... well, the sun will be up soon, i'm gonna see if i can get another hour or two of sleep in before the weekday alarms go off... God bless you   --  ct
02-13-23:  too much time spent at the Dr's today, a treatment, a test, and a referral... i'm sure that i have plenty left under the hood despite what the test reveals, the treatment was successful--the wrist feels much better, as for the referrals, well, need some MRIs, but it looks like the hip is probably going to get scoped/cleaned, probably the shoulder too... good grief... the wrist is to be addressed another day... it sounds like the test (ultrasound of the neck arteries) showed some issues, but the technician wasn't allowed to comment on what he 'heard' and measured, he asked if i was a prior smoker (yes), and mentioned healthy eating (i used to eat like a hog, but that was long ago), and that genetics can also lead to high cholesterol (no shit, that's a factor in everything)... so he must of seen (actually 'heard') some plague, i think i can download the findings in a day or two, i won't wait to hear back from PCP, i want to read the report for myself--and ASAP... anyways, my field-trip to the hospital went as expected, it wasn't fun in the least.  --  ct
02-12-23: we had another nice day yesterday, temps in the mid-fortes, got out for an hour or so in the yard to clear some more debris, and test-fire the little .22LR (which ran flawlessly), it's built off of the Stoner platform, so it looks scary enough to make the progressive villagers run for their huts and hide their wee-ones, but it's really just a fun little pea-shooter that's fit for varmint, paper targets, and tin cans... still on the fence about SBR'ing it, as of right this second it's still considered a legal pistol, but we'll have to see if garland's 'stabilizing brace' nonsense comes to fruition, i'm eventually going to have some nfa-items anyhow, so i'm considering testing the waters with a couple of free-bees from the brace-rule... time will tell...
... not into the football-church, so i'll probably be reading, and then getting to bed during the game tonight... the tradition was enjoyable back in the day, now it's a four-hour time-waster, i don't need to watch other people play games to get my emotions stimulated and heart-rate up, i can do that reading the news or being out for a walk, and my digestive system will be better off for it, i'm having some fish, rice, and broccoli tonight, maybe a bit of chardonnay to wash it down, my days of beer and hot-wings and ensuing IBS are distant memories... the wife made some zucchini-bread last-night, it was hard to go to bed with the sweet smell lofting through the house, but i might have some with my first mug of coffee, right now i've got some honey-vanilla-chamomile mixed with a lemon-ginger tea-bag, that's some good stuff right there...
... nothing really to write about, probably because it's still pre-dawn and i haven't read anything stimulating yet, and i didn't waken to any pressing ideas (just a full bladder)... got close to six-hours of sleep, that's not bad for me... i have no place to be, and not much to accomplish today, besides manipulating my back into alignment, so i'll probably take to the keyboard later, for now i'm enjoying the quiet, and this tea concoction, it's a good combo... i might start work on my daughter's display shelve, i don't have the table saw anymore to do the dado-slots, so i'm still thinking through the joints/fittings, it's only half-inch poplar, so i don't think my second favorite choice (pocket-holes) will work very well either, she'll appreciate it no matter how i get it assembled, but i still want it to be strong and look nice for her (what a masculine sort of statement 'strength and aesthetics')...
... Laura checked yesterday, and looks like the IRS is stalling with our tax-refund, i was hoping to use the money for Mom's memorial brunch, but we have a school cafeteria bill and class-fees that are over-due, and we have a growing electric bill too... the cafeteria bill is a fvcking scam, we qualified for free lunch program, but when my daughter substituted chocolate milk as the drink it meant that--unbeknown to us--we were on the hook for the cost of the whole meal, criminal behavior by the high-school... anyhow, we'll get them paid-off, and get the electric down soon enough, but i learned not to hold my breath waiting for the irs to return our over-payment, it's not their priority, harassing small-business owners and folks that rely on tips seems to be, though... being broke and keeping taxes simple has it's advantages, it's easy when you have nothing to hide, this web-site yields very little, and the business structure is set up to keep it simple, i didn't even claim internet-use, or the monthly fees this year, twenty-bucks per month, and an annual 200-dollar hosting fee, are the only operating costs, there was the cheap laptop too, but whatevs, if i were raking-in some big-bucks i'd probably be inclined to claim all of the expenses, but the expenses aren't terribly expensive, and the business isn't complex, so i didn't bother with expenses this year...
... the sun will be up within the hour, so i'm switching from writing to reading, and from tea to coffee, and maybe some zucchini-bread too... enjoy your sunday, may we all carve-out some God-time today, we need that stuff you know. -- ct

02-12-23 later:  no matter what your methods/mantras/routines are to keep healthy in your head, body, and relationships then i appreciate it, so long as you do so while keeping the two most important commandments while doing so, then it's good for you and good for others... i've been trying to follow along with the teleologic wellness suggestions--mostly authored by Gina Langan, she doesn't seem to be pretentious enough to demand that folks address her as 'doctor', but she is one, but i just call her Gina because titles are just titles, they simply allude to personal achievements or positions... about a week ago she started the next 'chapter', it sort of coincides with A. Mazlow's 'hierarchy of needs', but it differs and is better in my opinion.  chapter two (i'll call it chapter, but she calls it 'level', is about personal environment/shelter/home, or wherever we spend most of our time to prepare our food, take care of personal hygiene, sleep, and protect ourselves from in-climate weather pestilence and predators, Gina didn't put it exactly that way, but that's sort of how i understand our shelter/environment... here's a quote from her substack post on level-2
 'In many instances, our living situations are a compromise between what we think is best and what we can afford and manage. Undoubtedly, they can all use at least a little improvement!'  and then she suggested to evaluate our 'home environment for peace, safety, and sustainability'  ...
... a talk-therapist/counselor that i spoke with for months in the late 2021 thru spring of 2022 had suggested that i look into mazlow's findings, and i really appreciated his suggestion, it got me evaluating ton's of our human and basic physiological requirements, i realized many things that weren't very kosher about our home, and have been taking action to eradicate some of the unhealthy things that i can, as well as making plans to move to a different geography after my youngest daughter graduates from high-school this year... but my own recent and personal evaluations aside, i'm re-evaluating based on current cognition at Genie's suggestion, and i think 'organization' is what's been screaming out to me lately, especially today as i prepped the recycling and refuse for the trip to the town dump... i'm no expert, but i think that organization (as well as 'maintaining') of our home environment varies on our personalities,  tolerances, and understanding of needs/safety/hygiene... here's a crude example, i appreciate aesthetics/form/beauty, but i'm more of a 'function' kinda guy, i've made a bunch of things out of wood, and the actual finish wasn't important to me, i've always been more concentrated on needs, development, and structure... sometimes i'll take things to the next level and also make them pretty, but i'd rather build a brick shit-house then a weak facade, i'm not as 'refined' as some, and function/structural-integrity matters when earth-quakes and storms present themselves, but i still appreciate beauty when i see it, but sometimes beauty is just a facade...
... but another thing about organization (just like hygiene and other physiological needs) is that it can suffer when you're going through some of life's shit-storms... ADD, ADHD , and ability to focus (genetics and personality?) can certainly effect organization, but new testament defined 'trials' can also greatly pay a part in organization and maintenance--at least that's what it seems to me--life's struggles/difficulties/trials can quickly put a person in a defense/survival mode, where you abandon certain things that 'you know', and put you in a reactionary position where you might not be able to consider... [sorry...freakin italics is stuck-on now, i have to keep going back and un-checking them], but i'm not going to keep doing that... anyways, trials--and our reactions to them--can render us in a defensive/frozen state where maintaining what you have becomes too much of a chore, and you start to get chaos/dis-organization to varying degrees of dysfunction, well, that sort of sums-up my personal experience,
02-11-23:  if anyone has a good recommendation for a good algebra and calculus teaching tools please let me know, i've forgotten that stuff, and i want to be able to keep-up with some seminars that i watch, so i need to brush-up on them again, it you speak my language i'm generally an easy learner once i;m interested in something, but i don't have money to spend on fancy books right now, i also want to get a better handle on physics too, while i'm at it, maybe i should just go back to school, or take some online courses, i dunno...
 ... got by the local gun store yesterday, i like those guys, it's nice to socialize/talk about common interests, and complain to others that also aren't very happy with some of the batf's decisions... it's a store, but it's an equally good place to chat with the guys when they aren't in the middle of chores or helping customers, it's like a local pub where everyone knows your name, but without the ethanol...
 ... got outside and moved around a bit yesterday, we had a bunch of tree-limbs down on the properties owned by our landlord, i'll need to cut a few of them up with the mini chainsaw, also moved around some of the asphalt that got broken-up out front by the last plow-job... it was a very pleasant day, and i enjoy the physical work, but man--my body doesn't appreciate it anymore, i can't attack that kind of work like an exercise anymore, now i'm slow and deliberate and probably look pathetic... i really hate injuries, and this whole 'slowing down and loosing a step' thing that comes with age, i didn't think it was really possible, but now i know that it is... it felt good to get out under the sun and work a little bit, but the shoulder and the hip didn't appreciate it as much as my mind and the rest of my body did... that sort of work is good for the soul, i think some of the depression stems from not being able to do the physical things that i enjoy doing... i can also understand why some older athletes take to using PEDs to recover from injuries, if i had the money and the right doctors maybe i'd actually consider it too, i just want to move like a strong capable ninja-type again, but grieving that i'm past that possibility... but i think the good news is that my wrist hasn't hurt from the work, and the back hurt minimally... so it's my right-side that is structurally compromised, its the same side that hit the asphalt first back in 1989 or 90, it's probably where the two joints were first traumatized, i had so many bandages on me that were cleaned daily, the should was immobilized, and i was on zero-to-light duty for weeks after that, all of the attention was given to making sure that my skin grew back and keeping from getting infected, but underlying muscular-skeletal damage was never treated, but got strong enough to meet the demands of the job again, and that was good enough, otherwise i don't know what else may have damaged those joints, i stayed active for many years, which could have worsened the damaged joints, but i like to have fun, and being physically active was always fun for me... like i said, most of my body and soul appreciates the work, but too compromised to go more than an hour or two per day, and some times i have to wait a few days before i can perform for another hour or two... i really don't like loosing a step, it's more than humbling, it's grieving... i remember grieving the initial injuries back in 1990, it was late spring and all i wanted to do was move/exercise/play, but i was a bandaged mess for the whole summer, and missed being able to exercise, i was a depressed angry kid that started drinking pretty heavy to try to self-medicate through the grieving (it doesn't really help, it's better to process your feelings when you aren't impaired)...
anyhow, it was sunny and mid-fifties yesterday, and i had the time to deal with some of the downed branches, and move the chunks of asphalt from in front of the house, just a couple of body-parts are yelling at me for doing it, but what a beautiful day to get out and work for a bit....
 ... now the sun ought to be up in an hour or so, going to have another mug of coffee, and catch-up on some reading... enjoy your saturday.  --  ct
02-10-23:  beautiful day in rockingham county, it's mid-fifties and sunny, drove with the windows down for a bit... and to think that water-mains burst less than a week ago because it was negative-15... i really appreciate 55 and sunny... my fat lip is finally back down to almost normal again, not sure what happened at the dentist on tuesday, maybe she slipped while filling the buck-teeth, but it doesn't hurt much anymore, and i look about as normal as possible for me, so i can't complain anymore... i read some really great posts over the past couple of days, mostly substack authors... i haven't had much to contribute lately, mostly just to exercise writing, and the therapeutic release of complaints and observations... the hip has been really bugging me lately, i get the arthrogram done next week to see if the labrum-tear has gotten any worse since they discovered it (in 2014), it feels like the soft-tissue that holds some of the hip in place just keeps getting strained, anyways, it'll be interesting to see the test results... the wrist and the shoulder don't get MRIs until early march, so not expecting to hear much at monday's ortho appt, he's only got x-rays to look at for now, and that's due to the water-main break from the cold temps last friday/saturday, domino-effect delay... i have a bunch more reading to try to catch-up on, but probably get to some NT books in the near future, and at least one of Langan's CTMU papers too... probably try to get my head back into the novelette that i'm working on, not sure why it's been such an obstacle, it flowed easy for the first few weeks, but then it's been a difficult chore to get back in it, i made a rookie mistake that S. King mentioned in his writing memoir, i made several edits and updates before i finished the first draft, i had that same problem in formal schooling too, couldn't seem to go forward until i felt like i perfected what i already had written--i'll know what to be careful of for the next projects, at least i have an outline for the next one, didn't have one for the current project... maybe that's what happens when an untrained middle-aged guy tries something new :-)  --  ct

02-10-23 later:  i think part of human relations is that we try to do our best (or least) to understand each other, you'll never understand me, but i don't care, it won't stop me from trying to articulate my perspectives, take this for instance, when i was a twenty-something young and single guy you wouldn't find me within twenty feet of the Army base that i was stationed at, i'd be out looking for a different social-scene then the Army base had to offer, but my kids seem to be different, my son just got out of the gym and was content to spend the rest of the night in his room, i can't even fathom that, but i raised him and know him pretty well, and wonder why i wasn't as smart as him... i guess i was overly social, and frankly there weren't a lot of women/girls on base, and so i found little need to spend as much time as necessary on base... but it was nice to have a call with the 'boy' tonight, the ladies and i in the living-room chatting away with him, he got his package in the mail and was ready to make a protein-shake with the new blender that we sent... thirty years ago (if we had cell-phones), i wouldn't have answered a call, i would have been out by now, not sure when i'd be returning to the base, and i didn't care, so long as i was back by monday's PT formation no one really cared where i was... but the boy is far more realistic then i was, and far less concerned about social matters, i couldn't be more proud (of him or the girls), he's probably going to spend some time on a video-console tonight, and i won't knock him for it, especially considering where he's stationed (the surrounding city is a shit-hole thanks to progressive DA and mayor)... so tonight i'm having a bit of difficulty relating to his actions, but that's because i was a first-class knuckle-head at his age, he's much more mature than i was at his age, i had oats to soil and partying to partake in... so glad that my off-spring is better equipped in their noggins and priorities than i was at their age... progression through generation is what parents hope for, and i think i'm witnessing it... God speed young-uns, good on you mates, the future that you are inheriting isn't great, but it's got great potential, the kind that you seem to posses... the future looks brighter than i perceive most days, i typically expect/assume the bad-guys to win, but the good-guys are well equipped, and plenty smart to win the war that my generation forfeited long ago... the future is bright, so quit yielding to depressive assumptions... to assume is to give little consideration to reality, i'm done with that thought-pattern, my kids are proof that intelligence still exists, the may not be 'intellects', but they are discerning, and plenty smart to face today's challenges... enjoy your weekend folks, it's barley just begun. -- ct
02-09-23:  once upon a time i was a professional professional, now i'm a professional nothing, i'm not a professional anything, since i'm not a professional anything i don't require royalties or acknowledgments for anything written on this crummy website... if i've given any reader something to think about and run with, well, cool, please do so... if anything that this untrained yet professional writer has inspired or motivated the reader to use for good somehow, then by all means please do so... sometimes i get support from readers, and in that way alone i'm considered some kind of professional writer/communicator, but if i ever reap any reward from writing it will probably be based on sales of actual publications... so, my point is that i'm not really a professional anything, so i don't expect to get 'rewarded' from the contents of this website/blog-thing, it's greatly appreciated when it happens, but if i inspire the reader to use any of my thoughts or contents of this crappy website to use for good, then good, please do so... i don't know if there is a suitable job out-there for me anywhere, so i just use a bunch of my time writing, and trying to hone a craft that may turn into pay-for publications... and even the pay-for publications will be accessible for free somewhere, i'll always make sure that money isn't an obstacle to read anything of mine, i'll sneak a key under the rug to access the pay-for stuff, i'm not a professional, so i don't require 'professional fees'... i operate this lousy website with the best (or worse) business model conceivable, i'm not a pro, so i expect nothing... i don't intend to become a professional anything, either, to do so is to expect that my expertise is without flaw, and valuable... pay to learn, pay to get credentials, so you can expect to be paid for your knowledge in return--i dunno, i guess that model works for some folks, it does nothing for me, i suppose i appreciate being paid for my services, but not because of my knowledge, and since i don't have enough specialized knowledge to be a professional anything then i don't require payment for sharing any knowledge that i've acquired... if i were a professional something i might expect to be paid for being a professional, but, as it stands, i'm about as unprofessional as possible, and i kind of like it that way... anyhow, i had another shitty night's sleep, the sun is almost up, and i'm already tired again... so let me end this post saying that if i wrote anything inspiring please feel free to run with it, you don't have to quote me, or acknowledge me, or pay me, just make it better and more complete than my unprofessional presentation, but not all of my thoughts are original, i try to quote those who i read some of them from, but sometimes i probably neglect that chore, so if anything sounds interesting you should do your own research to make sure that you aren't plagiarizing a professional something, professionals get cranky about that sort of thing... anyways, glad to hear that i've inspired and motivated some folks, now run with those ideas and try to package them better than this author has, glad that some of you can read through all of my grammatical anathemas, some of you know how to read despite my unorthodox writing style... good on you, and be blessed this fine thursday  :-)  --  ct

02-09-23 later:  watched a pretty good video, if you're not a gun guy/gal then you'll probably find it an unappealing time-waster... but these guys talk about the upgrades from the m-16a1 to the m-16a2, i don't remember much about the A2 model, i only had one issued to me for about 3 months, otherwise i had an A1 or a 1911, i don't remember the rear-site elevation on the A2 issued for ODS, but it's pretty cool, as a civilian recreational shooter i still like using iron-sites sometimes, i love the eotechs on an AR, but using the BUIS is still fun--not sure if i can even see well out to 300-yards without magnification anymore, but for any rifle that i consider a 200-yard gun (458SCM, 300BLK) i love the eotec--my next build will be a 458 socom with a 14.5 or maybe a 16-inch barrel, and the holographic site is plenty for that caliber, the ar-10 build will definitely get some magnification when it's done, but that project is on hold too with brandon's admin going all-nutty about 'assault weapon ban' blah blah blah, it's got me spending money on bare-lowers now, and i really wasn't budgeting for them, so the 308 and the 458 projects were moved to the rear-burners to make room for the last few lowers that i'll probably be able to purchase in my lifetime (sorry for my negative expectations, but i think the anti-gunners are going to prevail with modern-sporting rifles)... anyhow, the video was informative, and i love the Marine that was taking questions and explaining his perspectives on the A2 upgrades, he took a bullet to the head from an AK and is alive to answer questions on a pod-cast... there are a couple of dorky parts in the video with the captain trying to be funny (however, i still appreciate the attempt at humor), but the video was pretty good overall... BTW, if you're not the least bit interested in m-16s or AR-15s then my apologies for wasting your time, but you might still find the video informative :-) -- ct
02-08-23:  i've got a legit 'fat-lip' going on, don't know if it was from the injections themselves, or if the dentist 'man-handled' (she's a woman, but man-handled sounds more dramatic) me a bit too much with the dental work yesterday, anyways, i can't really smile to show-off the repair job she did on the chipped teeth, but the teeth look better then yesterday at this same time... i have a smile that's fit for radio, and a voice that's fit for writing, and so that's what i do... going to read the full-text of the SOTU, i can't watch those things, they make me ill, 'let's see how well they delivered a speech', that's just acting, and if i want to see some good acting i can just stream The Chosen and i won't get my blood-pressure up watching cheezy con-men try to sell a pile of soft/steamy organic fertilizer, as they tout their delusional achievements... sometimes i'll watch the political spectacles, but not last-night, brandon is nauseating after ninety seconds, he'd probably be a decent guy to socialize with on occasion--listen to his fantastical tales over a cook-out and some drinks, i imagine there would be lot's of smiling and laughing, but he's no world leader as much as he tries to sell that idea, he does what he's told and gives authorizations when he is told that he has to give them, and how to give them... i like the fact that trump was somewhat of an independent wild-card more than a 'party man', i think that's why the establishment felt obligated to trick/manipulate him in the ways they did, and to make sure he didn't have another term... i'll post the full-text of the brandon's speech on the political section in a bit, i don't think my blood-pressure can handle making my own comments and edits to it, but i might try anyhow.. -- ct

02-08-23 later:  alright, this guy's got it going on here, he's firing on all cylinders, and high-lighting the proverbial 'elephant in the room', here, have a read for yourself:
 "Unlike existing monarchies and democracies, logocracy contains an explicitly metareligious dimension, with allowances for specific religious majorities. As a basis for natural law it affirms basic metaphysical truths of the highest generality, making it compatible with all religions consistent with those general truths, e.g. the existence of an ultimate creator, or cosmic mind. Lobaczewski identifies the disconnect between this generalized truth and legislation in democracy as one of democracy’s main defects."
 ... c'mon man, right?  he's essentially making the case for ctmu/C. Langan's TOE and current-day logos... anyways, the author writes on substack, he calls it 'Political Ponerlogoy'... look-up the word 'ponerlogy', i had no idea of the meaning though i'd been reading his posts for about a month or so now... yeah man, right-on.  --  ct
02-07-23:  read through a 468-page pdf between yesterday and the day before, holy smokes... it was actually part of my VA medical file... wow man, lot's of history in that book... was trying to figure-out some Rx's that i took a while back, found them, and it was almost ten years ago, seemed like yesterday... also comparing old and new lab results, lipids are still high, that hasn't changed... anyhow, reading through your own history through the perspectives of others is an interesting endeavor, one of the reasons that i write is to be able to read my own history through my own perspective, and so that's all i'm doing right now, sipping some tea and writing when i should be sleeping... i didn't take an ambien last-night, so as tired as i was when i bedded-down i still woke-up entirely too early, and thinking about a bunch of things, and now that i'm up and sipping some tea i forget what i wanted to write about... i think some of it was a continuation of a couple of substack posts from a week or two ago... the first one was sort of a poetic-type of rambling about making assumptions, and then the second one was about being frustrated because of assuming (mis-calculating), getting frustrated with myself over mis-calculating certain things that i expected to get right the first time, i know--pretty frustrating, right? i assumed that i had the right parts to fix something but the correct solution required other parts instead, there are different ways to fix certain things, but the best way to fix it requires more data--things to consider... i really don't like having to do the same work more then once because of mis-calculating, i'm far from perfect, and shouldn't expect perfection, especially when it's something that i don't have a ton of knowledge or experience with, but sometimes i put that illogical strain on myself, just because i might be gifted with certain abilities or computing doesn't mean that i'm going to be good at everything, so the false expectations that i put on myself are just unreasonable sometimes, but i fall victim to dunning-kruger effect time and time again... so when i was tossing and turning--and hoping to fall back asleep for a few more hours--the thought that i wanted to jot-down was simply defining 'assumption' as 'mis-calculating', and the ensuing frustration is just grieving my mistakes, and understanding why i was wrong, and that part of the frustration is in part from assuming that i was smarter than i am, or, didn't take enough into consideration when working through my original calculation... it's really all part of the learning and growing process, we make tons of calculations all of the time, but since i'm not really a 'mathy' guy i don't really see preparations and decisions and actions as math, but they damn-sure are... sometimes i deflect, and blame others (information and variables that were out of my control) for my mis-calculating, sometimes other folks do things that conflict with my calculating, but it's much more frustrating when i realize that i had simply assumed an expectation based on fuzzy math and not enough consideration, it sucks realizing that i'm the village-idiot, but sometimes i require that understanding, it keeps you humble, helps you to learn and understand greater detail and depth, keeps the ego in check, and helps you learn more about other people, things like--how different we are, and that we all have certain strengths and weaknesses and understand things differently, sometimes more crudely or thoroughly than others... mis-calculating really sucks sometimes, especially when you have to do something all over again, or give something more time and consideration then first assumed/planned, other times i have to laugh at myself when the equation was only off by a little bit and there isn't too much extra labor involved to clean-up my mess... for a guy that used to be a pretty good problem-solver i don't how i was ever capable at solving any of life's problems and obstacles without remembering much about math... i might try to get a math for dummies type of book in the near future, maybe it'll help me make less sloppy calculations going forward... learning to cope with the grief of my own stupidity in a healthy manor is the struggle of the day, and on that thought, i'm ready to switch from herbal-tea to coffee now, i think the coffee is one of my coping mechanisms to help with the struggles of the day, and it seems more helpful than an equal portion of tequila, but it's still self-medicating, it stimulates the body and mind, and sometimes it's the appropriate Rx for the village idiot, stimulating the mind you know... but look, please enjoy your tuesday, i've got some uncomfortable dental work in store for today, it usually takes a couple of days for the bulk of the tension to leave the body after dental work, so maybe i could do without the caffeine this morning, that sucks, i really enjoy coffee.  --  ct

02-07-23 later:  i know that novocaine is a 'numbing' anesthetic, but the dentist just repaired my gappy-tooth smile (two fillings fell out of my middle-upper teeth a few years ago), but now i feel like i was punched in the nose and mouth, and quite hard... it was numb for a bit, but now it feels like i took a couple of good hits straight-on, a couple of solid punches... i think today's lunch will be prepared in a blender  --  ct

02-07-23 laterer:  my gums and nose still feel weird, i'm pretty sure she didn't hit me, but it certainly feels like it... i didn't have to liquefy a lunch smoothie, i just fasted until dinner time and ate a bunch of solid left-overs... the VA cancelled some more tests and appointments, between trying to get caught-up from covid log-jams, to the contractor that punctured a water-main in on of the walls, to the water-main in the city that failed during the cold-spell on saturday, good grief, something in the wrist and shoulder and hip aren't right and the MRIs should show what the x-rays didn't, but getting the MRIs is the challenge now, and then the optometrist saw a blood-vessel with some plaque build-up that concerned him enough to get an EKG and an ultra-sound for carotid arteries, more tests to schedule and cancel and go to other facilities to get them done... i know those folks are trying to help and doing their jobs as best they can, otherwise they would have ignored the blood-vessel thing and wished me good luck, but managing a bunch of dynamic appointments has become a part-time job,and that's about all that i have to complain about today, besides the novocaine effects that still have my nose feeling like it was slugged... BTW, the CTMU wellness program had an update that is right up my alley, moving to another environment that's free of some of the unhealthy things that pollute our current environment is tops on our list for later this year, everyday here feels like a bit more of my soul and lungs die, can't even afford to heat this house properly in the winter, or cool and dry it in the summer... so anyways, Gina's post was good today, the environment that you inhabit must meet physiological requirements otherwise you live more in survival mode and having to react to unhealthy challenges far too regularly... OK, i'm done, good night and God bless.  --  ct
02-05-23:  it's warming back up from friday and saturday's obscene temperatures, i went out with just a sweat-shirt and was good for a bit, we had some freezing water pipes in town, and up in manchester, enough to effect a couple of hospitals too, but it's nicer today, high thirties, still not my idea of fun, but it's noticeably different then negative-teens... got a bunch more reading and electronic paperwork done, and a few chores around town, i'm about beat right now... got some more chores ahead of the afternoon, girls will be home with groceries soon enough, we'll see what i'm brewing-up for supper, nothing like a good surprise... got some tests tomorrow, the kind where there is no right or wrong answer, and no passing or failing grade, just plain old tests... got a bunch of out-of-the-ordinary things going on this week, lots of unfortunate driving to-and-from... anyways, the week will be what it'll be, just enjoying a bit of peace/solitude for now, i don't have anything better to do then take care of myself, so i'm doing some of that... enjoy your sunday, i am  --  ct

02-05-23 later:  not writing another fvcking thing on the substack until i get one more view of the last post, stuck at a weird number (that somehow went DOWN over time), and if twenty fvcking views are that difficult then who needs to read my perspectives anyhow... i dunno, maybe i'll feel different tomorrow, but tomorrow i have a dentist appt, and i'm more liable to be even more grumpy, hymph.  --  ct
02-04-23:  just griping a bit about my employment situation, the lack of it isn't a laziness like some folks suggest of covid victims that 'haven't returned to work yet'... it seems that the work i was doing leading up to the covid-era wasn't sustainable for many reasons, but after several months of being an unemployed stay at home dad to two remote-learning high school kids, and the oldest trying forced remote college courses, and me trying to understand government's response to a virus that every opportunist seemed to exploit the shit of... OK, look, what i did during that exceedingly difficult early covid period was basically getting forced to slow down enough to where i had to be more realistic about stressors and what sorts of injuries i had been working with, and some of the stressors for ptsd-type of symptoms and what i won't subject myself to because i know how i react-respond to certain stressors and stimuli... one of the biggest stressors is being referred-to as fifth generation warfare, i fell victim to the gaslighting and methods of division and confusion and abuse of laws and emergency authorizations for months... Robert Malone did a good essay yesterday about tactics that he has noticed, and others have written about as well, but his essay is a pretty good overview... one of the reasons that i'm unemployed is partly to do with out of control politicians and influencers and cult members that banded together to sell a load of bullshit and not giving two fvcks about folks that they victimized in doing so... and then the whole PACT-act got me looking into ODS gulf war presumptive symptoms and guess what, i have a shit-load of those symptoms, i'm one of the lucky one's that was pretty functional for certain periods of my life, and never considered toxic exposure a source of certain malfunction, i'm pretty lucky that most of my time spent in iraq was just blowing things up so the dictator's army couldn't cause further aggression and menace to his neighbors, i had it pretty easy really, but i think some of the ptsd was also just kicking into the reality of being on a battlefield, everything that i learned and trained for was now real, guard-duty/fire-watch wasn't just an unwelcome break in the middle of your slumber anymore, it really mattered, and the sobriety/understanding of that reality sort of kicked in a hyper-alertness/hyper-vigilance sort of thing that they call it, but then not being able to really shut that off very well is the challenge, i get over-stimulated or hit a sensory overload sort of thing and i stop playing well with others and need to chill-out, but the emotional triggers are mostly when working with folks whose hypocritical words and actions become obstacles and distractions from reality and progress, same with the distracted drivers, we've taught generations to drive with a device within a head-bobble/swivel, so i don't do well in traffic on a regular basis, i learned that about myself the hard-way and over many years, i can drive for a long road-trip on occasion, but get me near primary roads during rush-hours with roads full of distracted drivers on a regular basis and road-rage becomes a seemingly sensible reaction... i have an invention (in my mind) that uses the heads-up windshield display that the pontiac had, and you have two push-button thumb triggers that allow you to point and shoot the vehicles in front of you with imaginary laser-beams, i call it 'road-rage', it's a brilliant game, but i think it would be too distracting for consumers, it might be therapeutic to let out frustration and aggression in real-time with no-harm done to other users of the roadways, except for the distraction that it could cause--and that's unsafe, so i won't try to put a proto-type together and get funding to flood the market with 'road rage', and it would probably need a better name too, but i sort of designed the concept in my head while sitting in rush hour and having some idiot twenty-something not moving because he kept looking down at his phone... so anyways... part of this unemployment thing is learning about not subjecting myself to unhealthy environments, and learning to deal with an aging body with some chronic conditions that seem to be getting worse, i got me some gimpy joints and regular back, neck, and shoulder tension, i don't move like a forty year old anymore... so this whole unemployment thing isn't just 'lazy folks that don't want to return to the workforce' like some of the folks on the news like to say, this whole unemployment thing has offered me enough time to understand that i really required life-style and venue changes, my body wasn't keeping-up with demand anymore, and to just keep re-injuring myself regularly, exposing myself to toxic conditions and expecting different results wasn't very smart, it's unsustainable, 'just rub some dirt on it' isn't a sustainable mantra... so this writing hobby-therapy blog thing is a bit of help managing some of the ptsd things, take notes and analyze them later... going back and reading some of my earliest posts i can see that i did not handle the covid-war against humanity very well, i fell for the gas-lighting enough to examine multiple aspects of my life, and i made some decent changes, but it only takes so much reflection and analysis to realize that there is some seriously bad-actors making shitty decisions and trying the 'nothing to see here' thing, 'and by the way, your paying for all of this bullshit from your taxes' on top of it... so my head and livelihood were both fvcked with simultaneously, and if you want to learn to live a more sustainable life then it's learning to do a lot more on your own, the more the covid-abuse impacted you then the more you were dependent on other people for life as you knew it, and learning to live more sustainable becomes a priority, you understand what our biological/physiological needs are, especially food and nutrition, if you want to be more sustainable then learning to produce some of your food makes sense, since you know that you need to eat... when we move away from noisy main street and more west we will need to rent a place with a bit of land to grow on, and get some food-producing critters too, away from race cars and motorcycles and trucks and unhealthy stimuli... maybe i could start a farm and sell artisan unicorn yogurt, just need a small herd of unicorns, but we could start with chickens and goats and a hog maybe, maybe some other avian, and definitely a dog, maybe a cat for the barn... and if i could somehow get about 200 - 300 yard shooting range on that property that would be icing on the cake (but i might settle for a 53' shipping container i could convert into a small pistol or 22LR range) even if you don't shoot you would still appreciate a small lane/range, and if you do shoot you would REALLY appreciate having a 200-300 yard range... and if we were able to do that then i really might start buying some NFA products, maybe cans for every gun to keep the noise down for everyone including the critters, at least the rifles would get canned, i'd like to have a 22LR and a 9mm short-barreled rifles with cans on them for sure, they would also be the cheapest to operate, and quieter shoulder-fired rifles, those calibers might be OK with one of Winn Machines SMD devices, they would be ear-safe for shooters behind the firing line with rounds a bit over 1200 FPS, then get actual cans for bigger calibers rifles, didn't like having to spend money on gun stuff that we don't really have, but AKs and ARs are really coming under fire, when you see the writing on the wall about a new assault weapons and all--it's hard buying a few other things that i'd like for us to get, few more lower receivers after these two, one will probably be an Aero EDC 9mm pistol, i want a 10MM too when they are released, i didn't think i'd like them, but i'd like a nine/forty EDC, and a .45 and a 10mm when they come out with them... there's something about pistol-caliber carbine that are very fun, 9 inch barrel and a SMD muzzle device would be awesome, then build-out the rest as 16-inch barrelled rifles, they will all be Aero Precision uppers and hand-guards and lowers (their enhanced uppers are simply awesome). there is another couple of pistols that i'd like to get before the feds and anti-gunners go after glock... but the rifles are definitely priorities since they are obviously DNC-targeted items, so better get them while we can... those ass-wipes are really screwing up my retirement job, i just wanted a small business that would require an FFL and just worked on ARs and glocks (two of the most versatile platforms on the market), but the lust of the anti-second amendment cult won't be satisfied until scary-looking guns can't be purchased anymore, and i don't have the stomach to weather that climate/industry... OK, done cleaning-up this post from last night, just a re-cap, policy has fvcked-up my employment, and so have injuries, my next idea for employment is under constant attack from the compromised politicians and those that answer to them, and we need to move to a less-populated and quieter venue for better peace of mind, oh, and then the whole government's psy-ops on American Citizens, those are just a few things that i covered in my gripe. -- ct
02-02-23: got the first 'kick in balls' electric bill of the year, actually, it was more like the 'kicker' got a 40 yard run-up to the strike, and was wearing steel-toed footings to commit the atrocity... i can tell you many reasons why we use the amount of electricity (mostly supplemental heat devices, and some window A/Cs in the summer), and it's a very old house, but we got the first bill that has the green-cult brand and administration taxes added to it... the greenies HATE 'fossil fuel', with the brandon admin supporting the greeny's all-out war against opposition (that's a monopolistic tactic to war against your competitors, and use the monoply's resources and power to do so), or, folks that utilize the preferred sources of energy that the geenie cult has invested in (and demanding an ROI, by yesterday), so any convenient crisis (whether it was natural or man-made) is exploited to the max and advertised as the reason that your non-green energy costs are going through the roof, they are going through the roof, and by purpose, you don't just blame a war in the ukraine for the soaring costs of everything, but you utilize/exploit the war for any reason to bolster your investment and ideological bias/appreciation/cause... so you invested in green-energy, stage war against opposition, and make more monopolistic demands for folks to use your products and ideology (ESG investing)... i fvcking hate me a monopolist, and the folks that gather in worship to implement the tools of war to grow their monopoly, thats the sort of thing that bugs the crap out of me some days (like a good anti-constipation remedy)... so you know folks are seriously abusing a system when they are successfully employing warfare tactics against their competition... OK, i'm far too distracted to explore this topic anymore (for now), but i just got the first brandon-policy green-cult inspired electric bill of this new year 702-bucks for one-month's worth of cooking, water-heating, and supplemental heat sources for the month... don't think i'm forgetting about any of these price increases due to brandon administration and his backers/sponsors and multi-networked cultists/activists/extremists... i see what you did, have an idea of what you exploited and how you did it, and i'm not forgetting or forgiving a bit of it, to do so is to ensure that exploiters keep doing the same things to exploit the unobservant and the herds stuck in distraction and routines... call me a 'bad christian' all day long if you think that i'm not being 'forgiving enough'... knowing why you did something that exploited others is one thing, and then letting it slide for the sake of 'forgivness' is fvcking stupid because you lazily kick the can down the street for other victims to suffer when you embolden the predators, some folks learn from their mistakes (they have some moral compass), and others have to be punished for their sins and will continually commit more sin against humanity and God's people until they feel serious pressure to stop, and then others need a good long time-out to filter/process/understand the wrong that they have done to folks--maybe held in the brig for a month, a year, or multiple decades if they are that deviant... anyhow anti-gas/oil/coal greenie cultists are doing a great job os taxing and really sticking-it to the world because you don't have a balanced love for humanity and our resources/environment, you about shoved your boot up my ass due to your insanity, and now i'd like to use my ass for more natural functions and without your cultists-obstacles, you know, like excreting last-night's dinner and without the presence of your bio-friendly boot... it doesn't require $702 bucks of electricity to warm the water, power the stove and clothes-dryer, and some supplemental space-heaters for one month, that price requires the greenie-cult war against 'non-green' power resources, and a cult full of policy-makers to get the bill that high... sure, i know that i live in the northeast and it's winter, but war on american tax-paying and bill-paying citizens is beyond insanity, it's conducted in a cult-like organization with factory-like efficiency, like what every good communist appreciates, i'm not going to forget one second of the great re-set, and all who embraced and championed it, not one second of it, call me what you want. -- ct
02-01-23:  went to bed early, and woke-up by 23:30, i won't have my a-game at all today, hopefully my drive won't be impacted by sleepiness, we've got plenty of coffee though, not a great way to deal with fatigue, but it's a tasty way to deal with it, in fact i can't wait to smell the first mug, but i'm not going to start it at 02:00, that's just wrong man. Anyhow, i'd like to ask you all for a nice welcoming round of applause for our new guest--February--it will be the first month in years that won't end with covid emergency powers requiring properly discerning folks from getting vaxxed, no more federal requirements, or requirements for companies of more than a hundred folks o have everyone vaxxed, or federal contractors to be vaxxed... i still refuse to work for anyone that forced mandates, or bowed to government pressures regarding vaccine mandates, even if they had the perfect job for me that i could do, and do well, fvckers that fell for over-reaching government mandates will fall for it again, i got jabbed with what seemed like dozens of vaccines on my way to IDS in 1991, took two experimental prophylaxis for pre-anthrax exposure, and pre-nerve agent exposure that turned my stomach for weeks, i don't like being a lab-rat for pharma, when i enlisted in the Army it was to serve as a soldier, not serve as a lab-rat... but entities that enforced mandated experiments will enforce whatever they are told/pressured to do in the future, and they can do what they without me, i can't work for spineless folks that don't have their employees health and interests in mind, i'd be nothing more then a temporary number for their pay-role departments... not much that i could actually do for full-time work anyhow these days, but even if there were a perfect job for me at a company or organization that enforced experimental vaccines i couldn't do it, i can't work for idiots, they get on my nerves in a hurry, i can socialize with idiots, but not work for them, it only took me fifty years to figure that out, once you see the hypocrisy of dunning-kruger infected idiots, or notice the psychopathy of managers/officers the whole dynamics change for me, and i become more of a hindrance than a help for them, i hold back the best part of me, and give them an equal amount of the shit they demand, shit for shit... so i learned that i don't play nicely with certain egos and idiots, and that it's better that i stay away from them unless it's to sip a beer maybe... so the GOP is looking to end vaxx mandates in the next couple of weeks, and i say it's been long overdue, dividing our country over experimental serums and forcing people out of work for refusing them is one of the idiotic things that the brandon administration will be remembered for... it's the result of pathological compromised politicians at the helm. The haven't done much right at all, and un-did some of Trump's positive accomplishments... but January is gone, and February will usher an end to idiotic policy, and not a moment too soon. -- ct
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