Look, this is just a blog. I write with little regard for proper technique, or rules of grammar... i'm basically an untrained novice writer who started blogging as a form of therapy once the covid-era began, and my livelihood changed forever... i finally split up this web-site to have a section geared toward my political opinions and complaints, and another one for my philosophical and religious opinions, but this page is just the blog part... with that said--I write for my own mental-health, as history for my family, and for anyone else that cares to read... i like to consume information, process it for a bit, and regurgitate while connecting some useful patterns; and, i complain a lot, too, the Reader should understand that i'm a world-class complainer... respectfully yours, chris.
January 2024
01-31-24: ... continued from yesterday... so the 'mania' part typically manifests as insomnia, but i also get the heart palpitations, which is also called panic-attacks, the heart-rate and blood-pressure go up and everything, sometimes it manifests as anger, with some expletive-laden lesson-teaching; those things are also grouped under another thing called 'anxiety', the doctors tell me i've got some of that along with the bouts of depression, and i agree with that diagnosis, because i can physically feel the heart... it might be a spasm of whatever controls the lungs too, it's not all heart, that much i know for sure... the weird part is that there isn't always an 'emotional trigger' that makes the heart/lung thing spasm... i don't know what that is, and aren't super interested in doing my own research on it right now, it is what is, and i have what i have, and i am what i am; eventually i might take a dive into possible causes, but i really wish that professional healers/doctors would do that for me, i thought that was sort of their job... patients shouldn't have to do this, at least my expectations assume that i shouldn't have to do this... but, one of the blessings of the covid attack on humanity is that many people now understand many of the problems with modern western-medicine, and the failure of institutionalized doctors to think on their own, rather than tow sponsors/institutions products and SOP... i've been dealing with some chronic health conditions for decades, and it seems there is always another pill to try subdue the nasty symptoms, occasionally one will provide a brief season of relief... seems like some doctors will take your health as serious as you do, with the same level of enthusiasm as you do, some just repeat what you say to them, and aren't interested in learning what's really going on with you, which is why advocating for yourself is so important... i'd rather have a straight-shooting surfer-dude doctor like Nolan from the video link below, than an over-worked, sub-conscious driven doctor who either punts your problem down the road, or just doesn't know how to really help you but lives by the mantra 'if you can't blind them with brilliance, baffle them with bull-shit' (which is an idiot's commandment to life), and simply offers institutionalized-approved molecules or placebos... i'll re-iterate, one of the blessings of the covid-attack, which was released upon humanity back at the end of 2019, was that many folks now understand some of the problems that we found ourselves in with western-medicine, and the pharmaceutical/government industrial complex/partnership... anyways... i don't think i need to expand on that any more, it's just a frustration worth noting...
... so i get the mania as insomnia/anxiety/panic-attack... and then the depression might be more obvious to anyone paying attention... let me explain something about depression to folks who don't deal with it very regularly, when you deal with it somewhat regularly you lose discernment of a healthy baseline, me 'feeling regular' might actually be incredibly nasty, you almost get used to it, to some sub-par 'normal'... what that means is that i might actually think i'm answering honestly if i say that i'm good, but not really thinking with any optimism; but, if i think you are a superficial egotist, i probably won't answer you honestly even if you asked, so i suppose that's on me... some doctors recognize some of the problems, and some decision-makers listened to them, and though that it would be humane to consider me disabled... i don't love that word, or all of it's assumptions, i'm still quite capable of doing some good things, but not everything that i used to, and not with any regularity... they got it right, the insomnia makes me unreliable, as far as punctuality and performance are concerned, and i'm not good commuting more than ten or fifteen minutes, because distracted-drivers are reasonable excuses for road-rage as far as i'm concerned... and then there is the other thing, dealing with ass-holes, i have a great deal of difficulty dealing with ass-holes and predators with any grace or patience, i can suffer an idiot better than a conniving predator, or a jerk-face... there are other reasons why they decided what they did, and most of the time it doesn't hurt my ego, but other times it's like a boot-kick to what's left of my ego's groin, whatever...
... so far, all i've done is complain, and offer some supporting reasons, but hey, there is some good that comes with the bad... every season of depression offers a new epiphany as the cycle ends... depression isn't just a shit-storm that blew in while you're trembling in the valley of the shadow of death... most bouts of depression end with a peace, you know, the kind that surpasses all understanding... the figurative 'spring' at the end of depression's 'winter' offers a new insight into both Creator and creation, spiritual healing and growth, a new understanding of how you respond to uncontrollable stressors, messy stimuli, an unpredictable environment, and faulty expectations... i don't have much of the answers still, sometimes i dwell in peace, sometimes life feels like war... i should be thankful for the gifts that come with the pain, sometimes i am... physicality, sensitivity, and understanding can be awesome gifts, but sometimes they are quite depressing, and so is losing them... i think the one gift that keeps me the most centered is something that's hard to explain to folks who don't quite understand, people call it different things, i'll just call it The Holy Spirit, it's whatever happens to a person when we make a connection back with God... seems like my decision to 'follow God's ways and will' is about the only thing that keeps a weird guy like me functional, sometimes i do that, other times i want my own way, and my own will, and that doesn't always turn out very well, it almost never does, so it seems... anyhow, life offers plenty of mountain-top highs, and nasty lows; it's full of bi-polar experiences, and our reactions to them; both dopamine and cortisol spikes; joy, pain, sunshine, and rain... seems like it's the transitions between those spikes that are the most difficult... hopefully you don't deal with prolonged periods of mania, or depression... they both suck for various reasons, but some of it is the consequences of our sub-conscious reactions to our environment... some of it... stay mindful my friends... i dunno, it sounded cool before i actually wrote it. -- ct
01-30-24: had another shit-night's sleep, Jon's observation and exercise of proper discernment regarding a sleep-study is appreciated, i definitely stop breathing, sometimes before i'm even asleep... i was crazy tired by 21:00, went to bed, and didn't take the Rx... i startled myself awake from the breathing at least a dozen times when dozing off, who knows how many times when i finally did fall asleep... by 23:40 i was all kinds of tired and frustrated, and back in the kitchen popping an ambien... not sure when i fell asleep, but i know it eventually happened... anyways... today is overcast, maybe one could say 'gloomy' kind of day, and trying to wake-up to an acceptable level of consciousness seems like a fool's errand, i can look at the k-cups all morning long, but all of them brewed together isn't going to put a dent in my situation, they are sadly reduced to tiny reward-pods of tasty mud, but completely lacking the therapeutic qualities that i have come to expect/rely-on after so many decades... the promise of caffeine's rewards gone like a violent storm, taking all of my expectations along with it... but, i did nail the cream to sugar ratio this morning, so at least it still tastes great. -- ct
01-30-24 later: if you read the post above you can probably imagine some of the reasons why i do not function at high-levels for any great lengths of time, let's call it a bit of a handicap... i still don't have the best regulation of certain hormones, but i'll tell you that just taking one--somewhat adequate--Rx for sleep has actually reduced the need for three other Rx's that i was taking far too long after their efficacy for my health. i suppose my frustration should be with some healthcare providers for not pushing a sleep-study on me years ago, maybe it's easier to push institutional-approved laboratory-contrived molecules... but, in their defense, most folks/patience would rather take a pill than be told they have to make some difficult lifestyle, nutritional changes, and to have to put some hard work into it... my unprofessional diagnosis is that i'm addicted to comfort, and the path of least resistance, meaning 'laziness', some of which is personality (intp that can't suffer inefficiency), probably emotions (occasionally i present some), and much of it is physical as well (over-worked joints and muscles)... the physical issues fuel the emotions/thoughts/actions/deeds... when an athletic person loses physical abilities it's like some ontological-shock, most folks will go through an entire cycle of grief over losing a loved-one, when you have physical gifts/potential, and then are side-lined either for the season, or for good, you grieve yourself, you grieve the loss of life as you've only/always ever known it... some folks transition well through various types of life-changes, i've been known to do that once or twice, maybe, otherwise i'm a hot-mess... doing a sleep-study seems like a great, and, long overdue test, but i'd appreciate a full-blown brain scan study, not just a sleep study... maybe then you actually get to really see what's going on in my noggin... maybe then you see obvious evidence as to why some systems are dis-regulated, short-circuited... a brain-scan along with some tests that look for specific genetic-markers as well as other physical stuff... to be perfectly Frank (no offense dad), i'm sick of answering questionnaires/surveys/tests, and then health-care professionals tell me that i've got a bunch of symptoms that they clump under a severity-level of depression, but never offering more than a shady-tree mechanic's diagnosis... no fvcking sh1t i deal with depression... helloooooooo... i've literally been telling THEM that, for decades, and i'm not a trained professional... so thanks for nothing for repeating back to me what i clearly already know... if my noggin is showing clear signs of something malfunctioning, how about we look at other possible physical issues... is part of my brain bruised, missing, got some weird growth on some gland, or simply just not working anymore--like atrophy, or with little consistency... anyhow, i get frustrated when folks won't tell you like it is, and if they don't, then they probably don't understand it themselves, and should just tell you as much, instead of simply punting my issues down the road by offering institutional-approved chemicals instead of searching for root-cause... i'm no longer a fan of taking molecules to solve every problem, with that said, sometimes you need a little temporary-relief, but it seems like i'm going to have to advocate for some tests that VA-institutionalized folks don't seem to be interested in offering, maybe they aren't allowed to, i dunno... J. Rogan and A. Huberman have sponsors that offer some deep-dive blood panels, and i think the VA will actually do brain scans, but you might have to get on another 'study' to get one...
... On my real blog, i write with little filter, with minimally-controlled word-selection, so any mental-health professional that paid attention in class ought to be able to analyze a month's worth of my writing and tell you that i clearly present DSM for manic-depressive (or whatever they want to call it this time/edition), but no one will offer a diagnosis, or explore to see if my condition is based on emotional trauma, or something that's physically observed via scans... i don't think anyone telling me that i present an awful lot of symptoms associated with bi-polar would hurt my feelings too much telling me so, maybe they were just waiting until i became debilitated enough with some of the symptoms that it might be time to break the news to me... it's a fascinating theory to consider, i liken it to the kid with a 'kick me' sign taped to the back of the shirt, how about showing a little fvcking love people, keeping someone ignorant about important issues is just fvcking mean... it's not going to disable me by telling me that i have some weird shitty condition... sharing knowledge, or, relevant information is actually HELPING people, keeping them ignorant is literally evil, the work of the devil, or people that are in over their heads... intelligence and knowledge are tools that everyone needs to grow, and progress on the road toward self-actualization... the problem with some medical professionals is that they assume your an idiot, or, can't handle the truth, or, not worthy of sharing the truth with you; all three reasons show a lack of intelligence on their part, and/or laziness... i've had the pleasure of being cared for by some remarkable healthcare professionals, as well as folks that lost focus of their mission... giving a patient an accurate diagnosis is helping to equip us with knowledge, which helps develop wisdom, and helps us to make more intelligent, and better choices...
... i could go on and on, but i started this post yesterday, and lost some sight of direction, so i'm done, but, i'll leave you with this, it's an A Huberman podcast hosting Nolan Williams... Nolan is my kind of doctor/guy, he's a surfer-type... some surfer-folks have unbalanced egos, but most of them are just as chill as Dr Nolan... enjoy, and God bless. -- ct 01/27/24: Chris Langan released a good essay on his Substack the other day... i said 'good essay' but i haven't finished it yet, i'm only a few pages into it actually... Chris uses juuust enough unfamiliar vocabulary that most of his essays are a chore for my simple brain, however, explaining metaphysics to under-achievers like me isn't an easy task... anyhow, i picked a bad week to start reading so many new things, and taking on new challenges, they are all good topics, but i've got limited capacity/storage-space in my noggin, so wish me luck, or something. -- ct
01-24-24: yesterday's hissy-fit turned into some productive conversations, and folks taking individual responsibility... i was still an angry first-class asshole when i brought it to everyone's attention, but it seems like it was somehow turned into good... seems like i brought up some hurtful-truths, too bad i don't have the intelligence to have communicated how out of control things have gotten without some explosive-anger, i'm still looking for money to fill the swear-jar, i'm about a few grand short... thankful for redemption of shitty moments. -- ct
01-23-24: primary-day in NH, i usually know who will win the primary... Usually, that is... which is why i'll go vote this year, i usually wait for the general election unless i think it might be close... conventional wisdom says that Trump will win, but the left, and deep-state establishment has been endorsing Haley, when the deep state is concerned about something, you almost HAVE to go the opposite, there are far too many hidden motives and planned exploits that professional government-parasites can't wait to implement... if you've ever used the term 'conspiracy theory' as a derogatory statement toward another person that is trying to articulate a conniving scenario that they can sort of 'see', but just isn't a first-account witness to sneaky parasites ripping-off the tax-payer, or instigators that are trying to start new wars, or the sketchy accident, disappearance, or murder of someone... if you've ever used that term as a slur against someone, and don't consider the folks that are already in power, and the extent which they go to maintain it, or expand upon it... if you don't realize that you are getting played by a shit-ton of players of actual 'privilege', yet keep voting for the professional parasites...
01-23-24 later: i'm a first-class asshole... i'm sure there are nice ways of making a point, bringing something to people's attention that maybe they should consider... tonight i lost it, and let the ladies know how i feel about the condition of our home, again, for at least the twentieth time... history tells me that by tomorrow evening they will assume that i'm over it, that everything is kosher again, and go back to filling every last inch of the place with their stuff, and trash... that's how it works... my threats to go sleep and live in my car to escape this shit-hole has little to zero weight anymore, since i no longer own a car... for the lonely guy that wishes he had a gal to live with, well try living with three of them, they will occupy every square-inch of free space in your home, and expect you to clean up after them, seems like that's the way it works, and it's not fvcking working for me... time to push back, and re-claim a safe walking area in the home... for fvck's sake man... i've got to get some nice back, i'm about fresh out of it at the moment... help me to love, and communicate better, please God.. and please teach these gals to pick up after themselves, before i throw every fvcking thing away in this place... if it weren't people that i love maybe it wouldn't bother me so much, but that's the way it works most times. -- ct
01-21-24: not sure what guns to finish this year, i've got a few in the works, and have ideas for three or four other builds... a light-weight 308, a light-weight .223-wylde for the wife, a pair of retro 5.56's, a light-weight .22lr, and an 8.6blk... so three are based off of AR-15, and the other two are AR-10... i've got some of the bones to do three of them, but the one for the wife, and the retro require all of the parts... i might only do two of them this year, but these five are my next ideas... building ARs was supposed to be part of my 'retirement job', but the gun-haters really screwed that plan up for me, so these builds are just for self and family... if the anti-gunners weren't so frenzied and emboldened i probably wouldn't be building any of them right now, i'd just be patient, but the last round of rhetoric from the marxist-left got me worried enough to buy the projects that i'm currently working on, i took the bait from the extremists, and made some fear-purchases, yep, they got me again... anyways, ARs are my 'art' these days, but i'm a broke-artist, so it's a slow-going thing/hobby... if the anti-gunners simmer down i'll probably apply for an FFL after we move, that would be my first step to make it an actual and legal 'job'... i really just enjoy selecting the parts for each build, and the tinkering, shooting a finished project is always fun too... anyways, i hope to finish a few outstanding projects, and get cracking on a few more this year... same as the writing, finish a few projects up, and get a few more underway... it's pretty weird that these are the types of things that i enjoy now, everyone needs a hobby, or two, or ten... seems like i've got a few of them, eating Nerds Gummy Clusters is a new one, i could binge my way through a family-sized pack of them real quick...
... the 'brown gun' is almost done, it's the first 5.56 that i've owned in years, just need the comp welded, and something on top to aim with... need some muzzle-shims, and something to aim with to finish the 458scm build... and then i've got a couple of uppers to finish too, the old 5.56 that i keep harvesting parts from--got to build it back to a functional upper; and then the 7.62x39 too... these four projects are all slow-going, i buy the parts as budget allows, and feel like a kid on Christmas day when i have enough parts to do some tinkering... looking forward to finishing a few of these, as well as breaking them in, i really hope i was able to tame the big-nasty 458 bullet down with the parts i selected, otherwise it's going to suck shooting that beast, even with the AR's recoil-softening system... seems like the 8.6 might be another big round to tame, it's a big round capable of harvesting big animals, so i want to have it in the rotation... And then hey, i'm still waiting on some main-stream manufacturers to come up with the brontosaurus-round that i've been theorizing/thinking about, it would be a scaled-up version of the 458scm, scaled-up to fit single-stack size limitations
of an AR-10 magazine... i don't think you could sell it as a brontosaurus-round though, you'd have PETA sponsored fact-checkers crying foul, 'save the dino' folks trying to cancel you... anyhow, it's not a very practical concept, but if folks start growing dinosaurs in labs then i'm making the rounds, and making me a double-barrel version of something to shoot them from too...
... OK, enough gun-talk for now, i'm teasing myself at this point... i've got me some reading to do, it's good stuff, so it'll probably get my mind off the rifle-builds, maybe, possibly, hopefully. -- ct
01-19-24: (the version that i put out to substack is a bit updated) ... one of my daughters gave me a thoughtful Christmas-present, a paper-back authored by Luc Ferry, titled 'A Brief History of Thought'... it's sort of like a philosophy primer/101/intro... i haven't even finished his introduction yet, and i've got some stuff high-lighted... this one part speaks to me, it's him answering the WHY-question of undertaking the endeavor of penning this book:
"First, because even the most sublime spectacle begins to pall if one lacks a companion with whom to share it."
... there are at least a few reasons that it speaks to me, i'll begin with the ones which i know at the moment, and that i intend to expand on the least... first of all, it's truthful statement, there is a solid principle behind it... any solid principle, or, maybe 'law' is the better word (sorry, i'm not really a sciencey-guy)... i use the word 'principle' as a truthful calculation which can be applied to many fields... and i'm going to continue to use it that way too, even though it may be wrong--i'm a bit of an old-dog you know... and then the last, and more important reason why i love that sentence... creation...
... yeah man... you know, God and stuff... stew on this for a second/minute/whatever... what if you were the world's best artist, you could write the best music, the best books, poems, paint the best paintings, create the most fantastic visual splendors, cook the tastiest foods that anyone ever tried... what ever your idea of ART is, what if you were the best at it... but there was nothing anywhere that had senses and intelligence that could appreciate the fruits of your labor, the work of your hand... if you have the ability to create, you create things like people who have senses, and intelligence, and free-will, that are capable of appreciating the things that you created... folks can argue about whether or not there is some ultimate/supreme God all they want to... and folks can argue about how our planet, and existence came about, how they came to be... but i think Luc's answer as to why he would undertake the task of creating this book speaks to some of God's motive for creating humans, other life forms that are similar in many respects, that would appreciate your creations... and the word 'companion' that he used, it's more of God's motive for creating humans, He/God appreciates fellowship and feed-back... much of the bible speaks to our God, who seems to view/value/appreciate humans such as that of a parent (one of the good ones) who adores their children, and prepares them for life; the bible uses the word 'Father' quite a bit in reference to God, and so did Jesus, and then sometimes you read of more feminine qualities of our God... seems like God created people as 'His children', He tries to steer us in the right direction so we don't hurt ourselves too much, He tries to mentor us, teach us, prepare us to be capable of doing the same for future generations, He let's us be 'managers' of some sorts, to make decisions to control certain things, certain parts of our environment, with the ability to create, and to Love... but then some folks never give God the reciprocal/mutual love and appreciation, and little to zero attention... and then some of your creation even rebels against you, maybe even does the complete opposite of what you've been telling them... don't think God is an emotion-less being, He knows how to sing the blues... Why did God create, what were His motives, maybe to share something awesome, the ability to create and communicate and appreciate... much of it is based on Love, maybe like the love/bond between a parent and child, and then sometimes maybe like a reconciliation or a reunion of sorts, and maybe He just wants to keep us honest and humble... Call me a naive emotionalist when considering motive, but i think motive is a far better discussion than 'how'... 'how' is interesting, but 'why' might have eternal value...
... O-key Dokey, i'm gettin me another cup of coffee, i'm about chilled to the bone right now, it's precisely butt-cold today in Rockingham county, and i'm not one bit happy about it neither, hmmmpf/grrrr... alright, God bless, and happy Friday to you. -- ct
01-18-24: spending more time going over my son's old bank statements... someone, or, some people, had stolen his debit card number, and spent months racking-up Uber-Help, and Uber-Eat purchases... he's not stationed close to home, his bank statements are mailed home (we don't open his mail), and he wasn't looking at his online statements... some bottom-dwelling, sh1t-eating, possessed parasites spent months victimizing someone who is serving our country, and works hard for every penny he makes; they were able to get away with the theft based on naivety of the victim... these emboldened lunatics stole from him day after day, sometimes for a week at a time... what a fvcking waste of intelligence and resources... folks could be using their intelligence and resources for things that benefit society, not victimizing others, hard-working enlisted service-members to boot... anyways, i'm not good at repetitive tasks (usually), i get, bored, distracted, or strain a hammy, and then you get what you get... trying to get through this mountainous project... supposedly the bank has already done something like this, probably much more thoroughly than i can yield, but he has nothing to show for it... these tasks are interesting to experience, but they really suck, plus, it raises my blood-pressure when i see how emboldened they had become, some parasitic thief got themselves a good card number, and lived their life like it was their money to spend... anyhow, i'm soliciting prayer to get through this project, it's at least another week or so... parasitic bottom-dwellers, presenting both criminal behavior, and a huge waste of potential, all in one huge felonious-binge, we are talking thousands of dollars... the bipolar considers praying for them, as well a hanging them from a sour-apple tree, or maybe just a bit of flogging or something. -- ct
01-17-24: drinking me some tea, this stuff is honey-vanilla-chamomile, it's really good... it's cold, sunny, and icey in Rockingham county today, i like one out of those three, the sunny part, i also tweaked some muscles or tendons shoveling yesterday (no fvcking surprise there), so i've got plenty to complain about today, but i won't, not for now... OK, moving right along... much of the inspiration for this website can be likened to the prophet Joshua's encouragement, to 'be strong and courageous', it's sort of like finding your voice (as it was recently and accurately labeled), but the hard way... i'm no writer really, not a trained anything really, customer service was probably my best fit job if you look back at my employment history, so was soldiering (i'm an Army Vet)... but if you look at my post from the other day, MLK-day, i mention Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's courage, so it got me thinking a bit... um, hold on, let me give some back-story/context... if you look back at recorded history you will find many accounts of various atrocities that were carried out by insane/possessed individuals, small cults/clubs/organizations, all the way up to substantial armies (no offense to Navy Marines Airforce Spaceforce and other stewards, you bunch of dunces). If you had a few years of schooling, then i'm sure you can recall some nasty atrocities that are well doumented, and maybe experienced some yourself, go ahead and stew on it for a minute, you might come up with a dozen or so easy-peasie/low-hanging-fruit examples... now guess what, covid was even worse, maybe all of them together times ten (+/- ?)... that's where this is going...
... so, i noticed some prominent writers that are using some variation of the word 'courage' in either their brand, or their publications, that's cute, it both sells and stokes the ego all in one tidy/efficient word... but, courage is something that anyone with intelligence, conviction, and proper-discernment should exercise as often as possible, you probably don't get victimized/bullied/abused everyday, but sometimes even just calling-out a bull-shitter/scammer requires a degree of courage, voicing that which you know to be correct and/or voicing that which you know to be incorrect (most folks can articulate both), or otherwise coercive/manipulative... a desire to live in reality, which requires truth--mixed with ethics, understanding, and confidence--and then shaken with some Christ-like sheep-dog instincts ought to yield some kind of courage on a routine, otherwise you continue to get victimized, or other people will continue to get victimized, and sane people don't like that one bit... so... courage... i'd much rather be a cheerful/blissful 'lover', but sometimes a guy has to be a fighter (same with you ladies).
... OK, now back to covid... i simply don't care what other people call the germ, and how it was spread throughout much of the world... call it what you want to, it was a laboratory-enhanced virus, which is what biological warfare is all about, taking nasty things found in nature, and making them more nasty... but that's only part of it, the rest of the term biological warfare requires the ability to contain/harness, and deploy those nasty little bugs/germs/viruses... it's one thing to enhance and harness a weapon, and another to make it deployable, the easier/cheaper and more efficient you make the little-bugger deployable, well shit man, who doesn't appreciate efficiency when we witness it... it's one thing to drop a bomb at various altitudes via planes/drones/satellites (or whatever), it's another to network/spread the bug in an aerosol, or contact delivery system, it's really fvcking cheap and efficient at that point... let me just close this pseudo paragraph with a closing statement, it doesn't matter at this point whether the laboratory contained and enhanced germ was released intentionally or not at this point, but it's of my opinion that it was/is a biological weapon by it's very definition (which some feds are going to change the definition of, because it's just what they do)... simply put, i don't like the concept of using biological agents as weapons, and i appreciate Obama trying to put some end to gain-of-function 'virology research' and development, but it clearly never ended, it was just government lip-service at the end of the day, another short-term obstacle that the government machine worked around...
... i love our country, just really don't like some of the decisions, actions, and messaging executed by some of the dysfunctional people who unfortunately influence too many policies/decisions... i don't even want to know details of today's modern warfare and procedures, i learned enough in my short stint that certain weaponry scares the crap out of me, buy maybe i'm more concerned with compromised influencers and leaders, as well as puppet 'yes-men' that won't think for themselves, those are some of the things that bother me the most... so, with that said... if you are a government person you probably don't want to read any further, you already know what i wrote above is accurate, but don't read any further, because i may influence you to a degree where your chain-of-command won't appreciate... fare-enough, warning issued, also, i don't know any 'secrets' anymore, they are long out-dated and my clearance has been inactive for decades; and i have no desire to learn anymore, sometimes secrets are just gossip/propaganda... i try to make that clear every now and then so the nice folks who do monitor me know that i made the gesture/attempt, and, i appreciate you... truth is, Army days were a short season in my life, after i got hurt i was content to leave most of it behind, all but the lessons learned...
... as far as any coordinated/planned deployment of such bugs are concerned, it seemed like too many opportunists who would substantially add to their net-worth were awfully quick to institute emergency measures (unregulated power) which the policy-makers utilized, then used influencers to 'advise' policy to... hold on, did i say 'utilized', i meant 'exploited the sh1t out of', exploiting every facet of a disaster/catastrophe is the hallmark of networked-elites, the world's true scum-bags, not just communists/socialists/marxists/democrats, but the rhinos in the deep-state too, and foreign-sponsored puppets... you know, conniving and conspiring insiders who knew something big was going to happen, and were prepared to cooperate with the network'... something like that... many folks were just fooled, and became subconscious co-conspirators/parrots/cheer-leaders, etc, i hold no ill feelings toward you folks, you were just played like a fiddle, and so have i many times (probably right now some way/how)... there is a concept of destroying things to justify rebuilding them, at the profit of those who are networked... yes, it's safe to call that a 'conspiracy', because opining of any obvious conspirators requires connecting dots to theorize... time, investigations/forensics, witnesses, and whistle-blowers will eventually yield much of the truth, all in due time... i'm not happy with the level of government and corporate coziness lately, as well as their partnership with international/global organizations and agreements... there is where much of the motive, beneficiaries, players, writers, influencers, salesmen and other networked folks show their cult membership-cards by spewing narrative, fear, and answers that only their beneficiaries are prepared to offer snake-oil solutions to, and, usually at the US-Taxpayer's zero-interest loan, or expense...
...moving right along... actually, forget that, back up to the second paragraph... the use of the word 'courageous', hmmm, self-promoters seem to use that keyword as of late... i will say this about the word, i grew-up without a dad, i had some male influence, mostly uncles who weren't old enough to be my dad, so i had a bunch of poor self-confidence, and 'am i capable' sorts of issues to deal with as a young man (seems like i still do to some degree), so the resounding words of God to Joshua 'be strong and courageous' pierced my soul, and ministered to my heart when i read them decades ago... look... i don't want to keep dragging this on, so let me close with this... in the spirit of queen Esther, and the prophet Joshua... we were all born for such a time as this, and even the pure in heart must be strong, and very courageous... if we desire to live in truth and reality, and have understanding, conviction, and confidence, then courage should be a symptom, a positive side-effect of our personality, courage doesn't mean engaging in combat, it can be exercised/present in many different ways, but folks who are often busy and/or distract themselves may get stuck in observer/consumer mode, stuck in the 'matrix', and may never stand up to any form of evil/hate/lies/exploitation/victimization/manipulation, the things that separate us from reality, therefore, The Ultimate Reality
... in the pursuit to self-actualize, and to work on behalf of God and Man, to make greater use of our potential, then we all have to be courageous, life seems like it's smooth-sailing and easy when we don't have much resistance, but sometimes we are in survival-mode, and we have to fight... life is more of a struggle/fight sometimes than others, sometimes you can chill and go with the flow, and many times you have to be strong and courageous, and maybe even fight against the gates of hell with an un-equal and opposite force... only the strong survive, and only the courageous know that truth and life are worth living and fighting for... Be strong and courageous, God spoke to Joshua, and my heart with those words, how do they speak to you? If you moosh those principles above all together then maybe you could say that We were all born for such a time as this, now be sober and alert, strong and courageous; be a mindful/active-participant in life, and in your pursuit of purpose, God, truth, and reality... God bless. -- ct
i wrote this one a while ago, it speaks to my disdain of those who try to distort reality, like with viruses of the body, mind, and soul: https://christophernews.substack.com/p/your-good-nature ... cheers. -- ct
01-16-24: more snow today, so there's plenty to complain about... but i won't... tomorrow i'll be complaining about soft-tissue, but tonight offers food and family, so cheers. -- ct
so fancy
Got us a Redneck stained-glass window started today... i know, pretty fancy, right. -- ct
01-15-24: yeah, so it's like the fifteenth, or something... the past few days were fun and exhausting, and today is the MLK-day holiday, two out of the three workers in the house were off today, and the third was grumpy about her shift... i've got it easy today, mostly just hibernating, reading, writing, doing some chores, probably listen to some pod-casts... i like most of Joe Rogan's shows, Carlson Tucker's shows, Russel Brand's shows, and a few others, but they are my typical go-to guys when i need something stimulating to listen to, anything that Chris Langan records i usually like, same with Robert Malone, and some other folks too... not sure what i'll listen to, but i've got some dishes, laundry, and straightening-up to do around here, and i'll probably appreciate the distraction... God bless, hope your Monday is good, and the inspiration, determination, and intestinal-fortitude of Dr. Martin Luther King minister to your soul today. -- ct
01-05-24 later: i was approached by two woman the other day, yeah man, broad daylight right in a Walmart parking lot... they said they were 'sisters', and then something about LSD, and were overly friendly... i could tell what was up, they were into me, and wanted to get weird and stuff... yeah, i could tell they thought i was hot, and they probably wanted sex too... so i just tried to make it easy on all of us, i'm like, 'so you all want to go in Walmart and find me some hot magical underwear to try on', as i tried to fix all thirty of my hair/hairs... turns out they didn't want sex, but i'm still pretty sure they thought i was hot, though, so you know, i gave them my number for when they come to their senses... yeah-hea, i still got it baby... man, they even gave me a book, i'm sure i can get someone to read it for me... OK, that joke/story is only about fifteen percent true... in this case 'Sister' is a title, not an ancestry/genetic thing, they were very nice, nothing flirty in the encounter, it's actually LDS not LSD, and i haven't been attractive in thirty-something years, so, there you go... it's a joke based on a sliver of reality. -- ct
01-12-24: thanks for the encouragement/motivation/poke, i actually have been bouncing a few things around the noggin, just haven't prioritized the time to write lately... you know, these sorts of things:
* re-incarnation for those who didn't exercise enough potential? Note to self, the St Peter joke
* bi-polarity principles, and finish the 'why don't they just tell you' post
* personality tests as self-improvement tools, not horoscopes
* bi-polarity principles, and finish the 'why don't they just tell you' post
* personality tests as self-improvement tools, not horoscopes
* revisiting old writing projects after gaining year's more of understanding
*** a bunch of other things too, re-writing sections, and introductions for this lousy website; some churchy matters; things i'm praying about; scriptures i've been reading; setting daily alcohol consumption/intake based on evidence-based benefits; considering different vitamins, and maybe some supplements, and what time of day is best to consume them... and a zillion other things too, as usual... maybe re-locating/moving this year is one of the biggest considerations, details such where, when, why, and how... right now we only sort of, kind of, approximately know what state we will move to--MO, but even that is subject to God's leading... anyways, the top two on the bullet-list are probably the first posts to juggle, and try to finish, but who knows... there are a million distractions, and observations to make between now, and when i 'finish' them.
*** hope your Friday, and hopefully long-weekend is a blessing, and that we all make good use of it, some how, some way, make a positive contribution to others (creation), and back to God (Creator)... cheers -- ct
01-12-24 later: here's a few more place-holders/topics that i wanted to explore/expand upon, my apologies to the reader, much of this website is just journaling/note-taking, and the like... so:
* Fred's New Year's blessing to me... 'may you find what you are wishing/hoping for'... it was something much like that--i have no idea what i would 'wish' for, i know i'm a world-class complainer, but i probably have more simple needs than you might think... part of me thinks of the U2 song 'still haven't found, what i'm looking for', and part of me thinks, 'what if i was granted some kind of wish', i have no idea what that would really be, maybe a few acres in a decent place with sustainable natural resources with decent neighbors that aren't super-close, that's my more selfish, yet perfectly reasonable 'wish', i call it a wish because it's a desire that i can't reasonably ascertain... but when you get started on expanding the blessing of a wish, expanding the environment/geography/population impacted by a wish, well then, holy-sh!t... how large of an impact could you have with one, somewhat multi-faceted wish... 'world peace' stands-out, i don't even know what that really means, a planet where everyone was kind and respectful despite different priorities, a planet where mutual-respect, and cause and affect and known and observed by all... i dunno, maybe... i don't know what i'd wish for, i'd have to stew on that opportunity for quite a bit before i could submit an intelligent request, or, answer to the question... but, however you 'wish' to look at the topic of this one, i'm going to call it 'Fred's Blessing', there are ton's of different 'blessings' that i've heard over the years, some directly, most not, i love reading about different culture's versions/ideas of what Christian-types call 'blessings', i've been a Christian-type myself for the better part of 27-ish +/- ? years, so the word blessing is one you'd have to look-up if you are unfamiliar with, it's ingrained in me... anyways, thanks Fred, if your blessing were an unlimited opportunity to make a significant impact on humanity, i'd appreciate/relish the opportunity, but i couldn't give you a quick answer, it would probably take me weeks, if not months, and--God forbid--even years to submit my request to redeem such a blessing
* Some reactions to this web-site/blog-thingy... things like 'what the fvck are you doing', 'quit poking the hornet's nest, you dummy', 'OMG, Chris finally found his voice', 'have you considered medication, and/or talk-therapies', 'stay in your lane, aka, who do you think you are', 'get some rest dude', and some funny one's too, some were threatening in quick fashion, some encouraging--a couple/few incredibly so; some trying to purposely distract me from reality, chase rabbit-holes... everything from lovers to haters... that's pretty awesome actually... anyways, i might post an example or two, some funny one's, i speak funny, so i appreciate those ones a bunch... well, usually... not everyone is as funny as they think...ahhh, me too sometimes... hey, shuddup, you ain't so funny either you know ;-)
* the old-time prophets that i identify with the most, Jonah, and Jeremiah... you combine them both to be something like, 'people are nuts, i'm not doing it--look, you don't want me do it, in fact, you'd have to do something totally incomprehensible to do whatever it is that your poking me to do', it'd be something like that, my way of mooshing the two prophets together to equate to my personality-type/mentality/instinct, the crying-prophet, and the one who resists... yeah yeah yeah something much like that...
... i'v been consuming a bunch of info, and contemplating a bunch on it, but avoiding the writing... writing is my version of self-therapy, self-help, and it's something that i shouldn't avoid, or pro-long... the problem is that the thoughts/ideas don't go away just because i haven't given way to processing/excreting that which i've consumed... so, i need the outlet... a couple shrinks asked me if i were participating in talk-therapy, not really, but i learn from day-to-day regular old life, and then try to be authentic/transparent/truthful in journaling, and my interaction with people, and in prayer/meditation... the embarrassing thing about consuming and processing information around the house, i seem to either walk/pace/move, or complete opposite, i sit still in my desk chair, my family members seem to understand by now that i'm deep in some thought, or prayer, so they are usually nice and accommodating, but i must present as some type of zombie-trance something or other to those who don't know me, that's only a bit trouble-some, i hope that's not what dementia is like, when you totally get lost in though, and not 'present' to those around you, but i fade in and out sometimes... doctors aren't big on diagnosis, and my family seems to love me and aren't overly concerned, so i'm OK with it as long as everyone else is, in this one case i suppose... i made light of that, but all jokes aside, i might expand on some cognitive/concentration concerns, if you are the praying type, i'd appreciate/solicit some, please, some for regulation/health concerning memory/concentration/and cognitive decline... it sucks when the body/frame wears-out, pain sucks, but losing brain-function is another kind of frustration/concern; and both of those things are supposed to be inter-twined--body/mind/soul holistic person, they are all major functions that contribute to our individual eco-systems/bodies, getting old kind of sucks, maybe it's a blessing in some way, but it sucks in plenty of others... OK, it's about half-past my bed-time... cheers. -- ct
01-10-24: been up since three:something, i don't like three-something... in fact, i'm probably going to crash soon, about the time that everyone else gets up, maybe nap another hour or two, and then really start the day... the rain and heavy winds were somewhat impressive, loud enough to draw my attention around three:something... thankful we still have power, one upon a time you could fart outside, and it would knock power out for hundreds of folks for hours, but the local power company has been taking 'uptime' seriously over the past decade or so, at least around here they have... Newton is nestled within swamps, woods, and a few orchards of various types, and our power lines are predominantly elevated, not buried, so it's fallen trees during these storms that usually do us in, a big old tree can have you searching for flashlights, candles, and the good ole' Coleman stove--you know, the two-burner camp-stove with the little screw-in propane thingies, that one... sorry, don't know why i'm bringing it up, oh yeah, my thankfulness that we still have power, and a reminder that it's safe to fart outside of your home in Newton these days, in fact--despite what al gore and angry little gretta t. have to say about the matter--my family would probably prefer that i release any methane outside, right right right, it's all coming back to me now... i get very ADD'ish when i'm sleepy, loose my train of thought, and such. -- ct
01-09-24: working on some new jokes... one of them might hit home to folks that i love and appreciate, no one loves 'fat jokes'... and the other one directly relates to me, but with a bit of a twist to add humor, let's see how they work...
... i was reading a few articles recently, they say that the universe is growing/expanding at an incredible pace, maybe exponentially--it's really fascinating when you stop to consider that... and then a few days later, i was praying/meditating, and for the first time i think i heard an audible voice of God, he said "I'm getting really big lately, does the world make me look fat?" and, you know, i tried to encourage Him a bit, so i prayed, 'hey Hey HEY, big looks good on you, it looks 'natural', you still carry yourself quite well, and hey, we all know about that infinite life-expectancy of yours'... yeah buddy, i'm pretty sure i'm getting me an island, pretty soon...
and then...
... i had a job interview the other day, actually, it was a psychiatric examination... both of those things are really fvcking hard, there's so many tough questions... so, the doctor/manager/whatever asked me if i have a hard time making decisions, after 10 quick, and completely in-awkward minutes later--i answered, 'ummm, maybe'... they said, 'no No NO, it's a 'yes' or 'no' answer, not a 'maybe' answer, so i said, 'well i dunno, ummm, No?'... and they said, 'look, it's not something that you are supposed to guess at, it's simply yes or no'... so i'm like 'what's your fvcking problem? what, do you get off on triggering people? it seems like you already know the right answer, so maybe just write 'that' down already, Smarty-pants, grrr.' ... yeah man, i don't think i got that job.
... did either make you laugh... hmmm, OK... maybe it's my timing, or the delivery, maybe i should tidy-up a few words to make it more efficient... Anyhow, happy Tuesday, try to laugh at least once today, even if it isn't from one of my corny dad-jokes -- ct
01-09-24 later: speaking of jokes, one of my daughters just busted a joke on me, and then a second later--after my wife laughed at it--she busted on my wife pretty good... it was an efficient use of words/humor, i think she got the both of us in less than two sentences, it was like a flash of brilliance that i got to witness, and be victim to, at the same time... i know, pretty awesome, he He HE, she cracks me up sometimes... i have this other topic stewing in my noggin, it's a churchy sort of thing, it isn't a nicey sort of thing, so i'm diggin the light-hearted subject matter before i get serious again... anyways, hope your tuesday was decent, we're fixin to get a shit-ton of rain over night, you mix a few metric shit-tons of rain on top of whats left of the 14 inches of snow that we got sunday, and, well, i dunno, at least mt eyes, nose, and skin will appreciate the break from the winter dryness... that's what i'm telling myself to remain positive enough to go to sleep now, g'night, and cheers. -- ct
01-08-24: i think where A. Mazlow sold some of his theory incorrectly is his examples of people that he proclaimed to be 'self-actualized', he picked exceptional people that had impacted a large number of others... i shouldn't really comment without reading more of his works... it's my belief that everyone can self-actualize to the extent of their potential, some folks only have potential, and resources to impact a small environment, some folks have a potential to positively impact a larger population... sometimes we self-actualize, and operate are great capacities, is there a level of consistency to assign a self-actualization label, maybe i don't fully understand the definition of the term, or maybe it requires further definition, i dunno... getting my psycho-geek on, listening to a decent pod-cast, Harrison Koehli, his session 5 on substack... it's a totally unrelated topic, but then again, my brain is pretty weird, so whatever. -- ct
01-06-24: the snow has begun, it's supposed to get big around here, like 12' big... occasionally you get some romantic, nostalgic, magical sort of feeling from snow, but not me, not anymore, save the snow for kids and animals, you know, kids laughing and jumping about, dogs doing zoomies and such, it's all magical and beautiful until you have to shovel a few yards-worth, then it's another thorn in my grumpy old side... i could complain for days on end to God, about my disdain for snow, but His answer is typically the same, move if you don't like it, just move...
01-06-24 later: i pushed through, what should have been a nap today, so now it's only about half-past early o'clock, and i'm ready for bed already, i'm old, but then i'll be awake be two:ish, make some coffee, and then read and write... i assume i'll wake to a shit-ton of snow, it'll be pretty and all, but the kind of pretty that looks quite a bit different the next morning--yup, something like that... i'd settle for the rain equivalent of the expected snow-fall, an inch or so of rain over a day or so isn't terrible, but wrestling with a foot of the cold fluffy stuff is one of the things that keeps me awake at night, it's like a bad dream... hey snow, this is for you, and it doesn't mean that you are number one, alright, Ayyyye, you know what i'm talking about here. -- ct
01-05-24: happy fifth... i'm sure it's significant to some folks, some-where, not me, but i do have a video-chat thingy this afternoon, otherwise, it's just another day, and a cold sunny one it is, at least it is in Rockingham county, it's both bright, and butt-cold, it's straight-up winter around here all of a sudden... i want to see if the doctor will offer any diagnosis today, most of these folks don't/won't, they 'punt' because it's easy/lazy, i get it, i do that too sometimes... anyway, it'll be interesting to see what they want to talk about about, i don't think they want to diagnose, they just want to get a determination of how debilitating certain conditions are, just like a proper diagnosis would consider, how consistent is the issue, consistency is a huge factor in most fields, it's what science is all about, dependable, measurable consistency... i'd rather talk about guns though, utilize the good doctor's intelligence in figuring out if i should do the 8.6blk build next, or a light-weight 308... i'm leaning toward the 308, i'm not even done with the first one, but now i want to make a light-weight one, i think i can shrink a pound, maybe a bit more, over the first 308, i'm getting old enough that weight-factor is a viable thing, it's sad, but true... i don't think the doctor wants to chat about the pros and cons of which build would make sense, plus, i think i'm going to do the 308, it'll make two of them, but the second one will be light, one i can carry for a long time... the kodiak brown anodizing looks pretty sweet too... looks like we are getting snow coming in tomorrow, thru Sunday--i puked in my mouth just typing the word 'snow', oooop, there it is again... i'll get a good test of my wrist and hips, i'm sure i can shovel, but for how long, and how long will the recovery-period take, those are the better questions, how long am i cussing about the pain afterwards, those are the unknowns/wild-cards... youngest daughter gave me a late Christmas-gift, Luc Ferry's 'A Brief History of Thought'... she's very thoughtful, nah Hah HAH... if we lose power from the storm i'll be reading, in a sleeping-bag, reading, and occasionally shoveling, and lot's of complaining, a whole metric shit-ton of it, the complaining i mean. -- ct
01-04-23: there is this Quora website thing that i like to read from sometimes... i'm stuck in an algorithm that keeps giving me Q-and-A's about Myers-Brigs personality things... it's interesting reading some people's perspectives about some things... i'm supposed to be an INTJ, but i'm one that's a committed Christian, and have been praying for self-improvement for about thirty years, so although the letters and their meanings are pretty accurate as far as natural tendencies are concerned, some of the behavioral traits aren't relevant anymore... i don't love tons of attention, so i don't like to dress nice, and don't spend as much attention to details such as grooming like i used to... the Army was perfect for the younger me, look sharp, know your sh1t, be in good shape, and pay attention to grooming details... if you aren't a great-looking person, dress sharp and stay well-groomed and you automatically look nicer (to some extent), now i couldn't give two craps about appearance, i'd rather not draw attention to myself, and if anything, ire on the side of looking offensive, not extra nice... but that's a shift/change that happened 5 - 10 years ago... some of the letters literally mean Introvert and Intuition... here's why they are a couple of shitty traits to pair-up... introverts don't have the best social-skills, we like to go below the surface, past small-talk; and then the intuition thing, i usually assume that everyone can see what i can see, and i get pissed-off when imbeciles and assholes challenge what i can see, but maybe not articulate quite yet, and then i don't want to take the time to explain how i derived at the model/thought/idea... one person on Quora recently wrote that a well-grounded INTJ is patient, and can take the time to explain complex problems... they are right, and i actually enjoy teaching a bit, but i get all kind of crazy-defensive when Dunning-Kruger poster-children dismiss, gas-light, or patronize... that's all fine if you are a comedian, or a knuckle-head buddy just busting on me, but i'm about ready to punch someone in their mouth when that sort of situation presents itself, i might just disassociate and not utter another word, i'm a bit childish like that sometimes too, but it's better manners than punching someone's noggin... the Christian that wants to self-improve, self-regulate understands the importance of communication, and being able to communicate to a wide audience, and the realist in me says i'm a bigger idiot for debating an idiot... side-note, sometimes i'm the village idiot, and it takes an act of God to get me to understand something... i could go through each of the letters, and how i have challenged myself to improve over the years... but trying to explain something that i see intuitively is much of the challenge, trying to articulate the model is a huge challenge given my limited reading/education, because i use regular-people's vocabulary, not very technical vocabulary... i still think i would have been better off growing up on a farm, in an environment that wasn't full of distracting stimuli, where cause and affect are obvious, and efficiency is appreciated, not mocked... anyhow... enough about the personality traits, maybe Quora will send me more gun stuff, and less IQ and MB stuff, but it's my own fault for taking the click-bait, and feeding the search-engine.
01-03-24: i don't remember how old i was, i'm sure i was post-pubescent, you know, when the movie came out... i thought the lead actress in 'Adventures in Babysitting' was pretty hot... her beauty and the movie were adequate at the time, at least enough to hold my attention through most of it... the line that i remember from it, from the old guitarist... 'no one leaves this place without singing the blues'... in some respects that line relates to Psalm 23's 'the valley of the shadow of death', one which we all must walk through on our journey... some of us spend much too long in the valley, it's more like a second home, or--for some--maybe it's our only home... anyways, here: https://open.substack.com/pub/christophernews/p/a-new-psalm-for-a-new-year
01-01-2024: may 2024 be the year of change, in many ways it will be for me... there will be inventory/purging/packing followed by moving/relocating... i'm long over-due for a significant change, i've had some big changes done in the noggin over the past so many years, and that's helped me discern that i do not have the required 'gifting' to be able to live on Main St, it's to noisy and distracting for my blood-pressure, anger-management, and sleeping... it only took me about ten years to figure that out, actually, only a few years, and complaining about it ever since, that's more accurate... i could literally throw a rock from inside my living-room window, and kill someone driving by with it, that's how close to the street the house actually is, i'd be surprised if it's greater than 20 feet, with the old-school windows, and little-to-no insulation--which can suck to keep the climate adjusted, but it's worse because of the outside noise, sure, i could complain about an old house's nuances all day long, but, even then, it's hard to get past the noise thing, and, no one is forcing us to stay here, so, again, more complaining, less doing, more praying... praying for a specific destination (we still don't know exactly where we want to live, just approximately), somewhere's around MO--probably--Laura and i feel a stirring in our spirits, a desire to change venue/geographies, but don't know exactly where, or exactly when, but it seems like this is the year to do so, and Nancy is getting any younger, and doesn't have much physical help down in OK, MO is close enough to hep her, and visit Laura's sister's family regularly... that's part of our prayer for 2024, be sensitive to God's timing and direction, and our desires that we are willing to compromise on... maybe i don't need a 500-yrd shooting range to get some regular gun-therapy... speaking of moving, it sucks meeting a new church family, getting involved with new friends and family, only to head-off in another direction, i really suck at maintaining relationships with folks that aren't in my regular view, i'm really bad at that, i can only manage so many relationships at a time, i don't need to be in sales anymore, for sure... speaking of which, if i'm going to finish the recommended reading schedule for the new testament this year with the church, i'm gonna have to binge ahead, if i want to finish my assignment before we move, hee Hee HEE, a few chapter per day - plus - a few more chapters per day doesn't equal too much, especially when you binge, which is something that a disabled/retired person has the time to do, i just have to schedule some time for it, and maintain a healthy level of concentration while doing so...
... here are some songs for 2024:
* little river band: https://youtu.be/9bKwRW0l-Qk
* chris stapleton: https://youtu.be/A3svABDnmio
... listening to a gifted person sing the blues someone brings a tear to your eye, as your soul identifies with the sorrow which bellows from another... i could have written a book of psalms/blues over the past so many years... here's one i started today, i'll probably ask some of my musically-gifted friends that knows how to put music to words to help turn a psalm into a song... if any of you fall under that category and want to help/participate please let me know... otherwise... it's just me being me :-P