Manipulation 101

04-04-21 (Easter Sunday) UPDATE: Everyone is still asleep in my house on this quiet Easter morning so I stumbled across this article today that isn't very detailed or thorough but Charles Barkley speaks to one of my points, so today's update is just to add this link for your consideration

01-23-2020: There are aspects of reading scientifically proven theory that really bothers me. The reading aspect of it doesn’t bother me a ton but the fact is that scientists, medical professionals, psychologists etc. are forced to write a certain way/style, they are forced to write in a way that alienates most people because they are forced to write in a style that excludes most assumptions by proving what they write about… I might call it ‘fact-based logic’. Fact-based logic removes people’s feelings and emotions and assumptions and the resulting work/article/book that alienates most people sounds like ‘sheldon or little sheldon’. Sheldon is a character based on a couple of u.s. television shows who is a ‘genius’ that communicates in a style that using factual statements/logic rather than overly descriptive and interpretive vocabulary that most people are accustomed to… sheldon is what most americans describe as a ‘nerd’. I appreciate a nerd when I encounter one, I can appreciate people that don’t waste time trying to describe something using their limits of understanding and communication that take 5 minutes to explain what they are trying to say when it can be logically stated in 30 seconds or less, one person may define a beach as a shoreline which separates land from water, but most people define what a beach is based on how much or how little they appreciate the shoreline, they might mention the comfort and texture and color of the sand, and temperature and clarity of the water, and what type of breeze they may feel at the beach, they may define a beach by how it looks and how it makes them feel which bypass the ‘logical definition’, they may be 100% correct in their interpretation of a shoreline but they use words that describe how the beach makes them feel instead of straight-up logic.

The fact that most people communicate with their own personal perception rather than fact-based logic is why people in the scientific community alienate most people, most people can only tolerate small doses of ‘sheldon’, a little at a time… most people would rather read or watch something that is intended for entertainment purposes/escapism rather than listen to anything logical that might be helpful to them. Since the spread of covid-19 virus, and human importance of self-preservation (people don’t want to die), a greater amount of people than usual have been paying attention to ‘nerdy scientists/medical professionals’, some people are allowing themselves a bit more of ‘sheldon’ than they normally would… I am totally one of those ‘some people’. I am totally one of those people that have payed more attention to medical professionals during the time that I spent home and unemployed during most of the year 2020. Sometimes I don’t just pay attention to what they have been communicating to us, but sometimes I don’t understand enough about what they are communicating that I am inclined to conduct my own ’research’, you know, maybe read more about their topic, maybe use computers or phones or tablets to search the internet for more information about what those smart nerdy people are trying to tell me.

Lately it hasn’t been the covid-19 infectious disease experts that I have been reading and researching, lately it’s been other logical professionals, the ones that are experts relating to how we think, why we act, why we do what we do… I don’t limit my daily sheldon intake to just dr. fauci, I appreciate other nerds too. I appreciate mental health experts every bit as much as I appreciate medical doctors and other nerdy scientists because the things that they know are also very important. Mental/emotional health is more important to me now because I have begun to understand why I have been angry and depressed and frustrated during the year 2020, as in the 2020 u.s. presidential election cycle…. Yes, the trump vs biden election year. Now that I have researched more about mental and emotional health, and roots of anxiety I realize that I have been anxious throughout the 2020 presidential election because I am supposed to be. I am supposed to feel emotional and frustrated and angry because I have been manipulated, you have been manipulated, and the rest of our country has been manipulated by people that only want to win, they want to win because of the power and wealth and the ego-stroking that goes with being a winner, that being a winner is validation for their shallow compromised and dangerous egos, and wining is validation that they are right and opposition/everyone else is wrong. Compromised and dangerous egos have been on the positive side of manipulation, the side that was willing to do almost anything to win even though it meant throwing our country under the bus and into chaos to do so, even if it meant sacrificing the emotional and physical health of americans to win… because winning a place of power and validation is really what matters the most… right … right, wouldn’t you be willing to throw other people ‘under the bus’ just so your shallow competitive ego can win (have you ever cheated before), maybe. You might if you think that the other person is a looser to begin with, if you don’t like that person or hate that person, and especially if that person’s ego rubs you the wrong way, then maybe you would, right? Maybe not, but then again what if that person ‘declared war’ on you, if your competitor was rich enough that he didn’t have to play the same ‘games’ as you because he wasn’t actually a politician or a ‘washington insider’… if your competitor wasn’t a politician and declared a war on political egos, I mean power/wealth seeking career politicians, and he ran on the premise that he wasn’t interested in the politics but was more interested in helping americans… sounds like a dangerous person to the typical washington trolls, oh sorry, my apology to any actual troll that might be reading, I’ll buy you a beer or something.

It probably sounds like I have a strong opinion of the 2020 presidential cycle, well yes, yes I do, and I’ve had one for quite sometime but the problem is that I had a ton of difficulty understanding why I ‘felt’ so strongly about the things that I did. Now I understand that I felt the way that I did because of the manipulation tactics that were fully deployed throughout the 2020 election season … I hate election season, they ought to call it ‘the manipulation season’ … “happy manipulation season everyone… we will try to resume acting humane as soon as we win.”

Now i don’t really thing that democrats and socialists and ‘never trumpers’ would do ANYTHING to win, I don’t think they were willing to do anything and everything… its of my own personal opinion that the only criteria, the only restraint, the only limit to the depth they would go to win was causing an all out civil war, I think they were ok flirting around the edge of a civil war, but they didn’t want to cross that line, I think that was their only ‘moral boundary’. It’s obvious to me now that the top political strategists either are, or have access to PhD-level psychologists or sociologists that help ‘call the shots’, it’s obvious to me because of the extraordinary amount of manipulation tactics that were deployed in our nation during the entire year of 2020… don’t be lazy and take my word for it, just try to do a simple web search on ‘common manipulation tactics’ and spend an hour of your time taking it all in… and watch your blood-pressure go up and up and up.

It’s not just that there was obvious manipulation, most people could/did recognize that fact, but the amount of resources/people that shared the same hatred for trump that were willing to participate in the manipulation was too large to predict/comprehend, and the types of manipulation used against anyone that voted for trump or ‘supported’ him, it was harsh enough that it left many americans wondering ‘what just happened’, what happened is that we all have witnessed an extraordinary level of scientifically based manipulation practices that was on full public display for anyone that was interested in the election. If you voted for 45th president of the u.s., donlad trump, if you voted for him and are left feeling angry, and questioning your own integrity good, because that was a tactic used against you and I. If you voted for trump and have a hard time articulating exactly why you voted for him good, you are supposed to feel that way based on manipulation tactics employed against us. If you voted for trump or supported him and you have read or heard so called experts explaining how warped and manipulated trump supporters are and they should be held accountable for our stupidity and ignorance, if you have heard any of those so called experts say that trump voters are ‘all this’, and ‘all that’ and need to be re-educated to get us back on the right frame of mind and those ‘expert ideas’ don’t sit well with you, good… good because you have caught on to another tactic of manipulation, its good that you understand that, but don’t take my word for it. In fact, don’t take any of my words for anything other than the opinions of a 51 year old white male… so read below, read below to see what smart people say about manipulation. People that have more than just their own opinion to write about this topic. The first article that I have abbreviated is written by a survivor of toxic relationship, some of her wording indicates that she is writing from the perspective of a person who has survived an abusive/toxic relationships… she's smart, she knows what she is talking about, see if you can find her 'adult word' hidden in it…

1. Gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that can be described in different variations of three words:

“That didn’t happen,”

“You imagined it,” and

“Are you crazy?”

Gaslighting is perhaps one of the most insidious manipulative tactics out there because it works to distort and erode your sense of reality; it eats away at your ability to trust yourself and inevitably disables you from feeling justified in calling out abuse and mistreatment.

2. Projection.

One sure sign of toxicity is when a person is chronically unwilling to see his or her own shortcomings and uses everything in their power to avoid being held accountable for them. This is known as projection. Projection is a defense mechanism used to displace responsibility of one’s negative behavior and traits by attributing them to someone else. It ultimately acts as a digression that avoids ownership and accountability.

Narcissistic abusers love to play the “blame-shifting game.” Objectives of the game: they win, you lose, and you or the world at large is blamed for everything that’s wrong with them.

3. Nonsensical conversations from hell.

If you think you’re going to have a thoughtful discussion with someone who is toxic, be prepared for epic mindfuckery rather than conversational mindfulness.

dangerous egos sociopaths use ‘word salad’, circular conversations, projection and gaslighting to disorient you and get you off track should you ever disagree with them or challenge them in any way. They do this in order to discredit, confuse and frustrate you, distract you from the main problem and make you feel guilty for being a human being with actual thoughts and feelings that might differ from their own. In their eyes, you are the problem if you happen to exist.

4. Blanket statements and generalizations.

dangerous egos aren’t always intellectual masterminds – many of them are intellectually lazy. Rather than taking the time to carefully consider a different perspective, they generalize anything and everything you say, making blanket statements that don’t acknowledge the nuances in your argument or take into account the multiple perspectives you’ve paid homage to. Better yet, why not put a label on you that dismisses your perspective altogether?

On a larger scale, generalizations and blanket statements invalidate experiences that don’t fit in the unsupported assumptions, schemas and stereotypes of society; they are also used to maintain the status quo. This form of digression exaggerates one perspective to the point where a social justice issue can become completely obscured. For example, rape accusations against well-liked figures are often met with the reminder that there are false reports of rape that occur. While those do occur, they are rare, and in this case, the actions of one become labeled as the behavior of the majority while the specific report itself remains unaddressed.

5. Deliberately misrepresenting your thoughts and feelings to the point of absurdity.

In the hands of a dangerous ego, your differing opinions, legitimate emotions and lived experiences get translated into character flaws and evidence of your irrationality.

dangerous egos weave tall tales to reframe what you’re actually saying as a way to make your opinions look absurd or heinous. Let’s say you bring up the fact that you’re unhappy with the way a toxic friend is speaking to you. In response, he or she may put words in your mouth, saying, “Oh, so now you’re perfect?” or “So I am a bad person, huh?” when you’ve done nothing but express your feelings. This enables them to invalidate your right to have thoughts and emotions about their inappropriate behavior and instills in you a sense of guilt when you attempt to establish boundaries.

This is also a popular form of diversion and cognitive distortion that is known as “mind reading.” Toxic people often presume they know what you’re thinking and feeling. They chronically jump to conclusions based on their own triggers rather than stepping back to evaluate the situation mindfully.

6. Nitpicking and moving the goal posts.

The difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism is the presence of a personal attack and impossible standards. These so-called “critics” often don’t want to help you improve, they just want to nitpick, pull you down and scapegoat you in any way they can. Abusive dangerous egos employ a logical fallacy known as “moving the goalposts” in order to ensure that they have every reason to be perpetually dissatisfied with you. This is when, even after you’ve provided all the evidence in the world to validate your argument or taken an action to meet their request, they set up another expectation of you or demand more proof.

Do you have a successful career? The narcissist will then start to pick on why you aren’t a multi-millionaire yet. Did you already fulfill their need to be excessively catered to? Now it’s time to prove that you can also remain “independent.” The goal posts will perpetually change and may not even be related to each other; they don’t have any other point besides making you vie for the narcissist’s approval and validation.

7. Changing the subject to evade accountability.

This type of tactic is what I like to call the “What about me?” syndrome. It is a literal digression from the actual topic that works to redirect attention to a different issue altogether. Narcissists don’t want you to be on the topic of holding them accountable for anything, so they will reroute discussions to benefit them. Complaining about their neglectful parenting? They’ll point out a mistake you committed seven years ago. This type of diversion has no limits in terms of time or subject content, and often begins with a sentence like “What about the time when…”

8. Covert and overt threats.

dangerous egos feel very threatened when their excessive sense of entitlement, false sense of superiority and grandiose sense of self are challenged in any way. They are prone to making unreasonable demands on others – while punishing you for not living up to their impossible to reach expectations.

Rather than tackle disagreements or compromises maturely, they set out to divert you from your right to have your own identity and perspective by attempting to instill fear in you about the consequences of disagreeing or complying with their demands. To them, any challenge results in an ultimatum and “do this or I’ll do that” becomes their daily mantra.

9. Name-calling.

Narcissists preemptively blow anything they perceive as a threat to their superiority out of proportion. In their world, only they can ever be right and anyone who dares to say otherwise creates a narcissistic injury that results in narcissistic rage. As Mark Goulston, M.D. asserts, narcissistic rage does not result from low self-esteem but rather a high sense of entitlement and false sense of superiority.

The lowest of the low resort to narcissistic rage in the form of name-calling when they can’t think of a better way to manipulate your opinion or micromanage your emotions. Name-calling is a quick and easy way to put you down, degrade you and insult your intelligence, appearance or behavior while invalidating your right to be a separate person with a right to his or her perspective.

10. Destructive conditioning.

Toxic people condition you to associate your strengths, talents, and happy memories with abuse, frustration and disrespect. They do this by sneaking in covert and overt put-downs about the qualities and traits they once idealized as well as sabotaging your goals, ruining celebrations, vacations and holidays. They may even isolate you from your friends and family and make you financially dependent upon them. Like ‘Pavlov’s dogs’, you’re essentially “trained” over time to become afraid of doing the very things that once made your life fulfilling.

dangerous egos and otherwise toxic people do this because they wish to divert attention back to themselves and how you’re going to please them. If there is anything outside of them that may threaten their control over your life, they seek to destroy it. They need to be the center of attention at all times. In the idealization phase, you were once the center of a narcissist’s world – now the narcissist becomes the center of yours.

11. Smear campaigns and stalking

When toxic types can’t control the way you see yourself, they start to control how others see you; they play the martyr while you’re labeled the toxic one. A smear campaign is a preemptive strike to sabotage your reputation and slander your name so that you won’t have a support network to fall back on lest you decide to detach and cut ties with this toxic person. They may even stalk and harass you or the people you know as a way to supposedly “expose” the truth about you; this exposure acts as a way to hide their own abusive behavior while projecting it onto you.

Some smear campaigns can even work to pit two people or two groups against each other. A victim in an abusive relationship with a narcissist often doesn’t know what’s being said about them during the relationship, but they eventually find out the falsehoods shortly after they’ve been discarded.

Toxic people will gossip behind your back (and in front of your face), slander you to your loved ones or their loved ones, create stories that depict you as the aggressor while they play the victim, and claim that you engaged in the same behaviors that they are afraid you will accuse them of engaging in. They will also methodically, covertly and deliberately abuse you so they can use your reactions as a way to prove that they are the so-called “victims” of your abuse.

12. Love-bombing and devaluation.

Toxic people put you through an idealization phase until you’re sufficiently hooked and invested in beginning a friendship or relationship with you. Then, they begin to devalue you while insulting the very things they admired in the first place. Another variation of this is when a toxic individual puts you on a pedestal while aggressively devaluing and attacking someone else who threatens their sense of superiority.

Narcissistic abusers do this all the time – they devalue their exes to their new partners, and eventually the new partner starts to receive the same sort of mistreatment as the narcissist’s ex-partner.

13. Preemptive defense.

When someone stresses the fact that they are a “nice guy” or girl, that you should “trust them” right away or emphasizes their credibility without any provocation from you whatsoever, be wary.

Toxic and abusive people overstate their ability to be kind and compassionate. They often tell you that you should “trust” them without first building a solid foundation of trust. They may “perform” a high level of sympathy and empathy at the beginning of your relationship to dupe you, only to unveil their false mask later on. When you see their false mask begins to slip periodically during the devaluation phase of the abuse cycle, the true self is revealed to be terrifyingly cold, callous and contemptuous.

Genuinely nice people rarely have to persistently show off their positive qualities – they exude their warmth more than they talk about it and they know that actions speak volumes more than mere words. They know that trust and respect is a two-way street that requires reciprocity, not repetition.

14. Triangulation.

Bringing in the opinion, perspective or suggested threat of another person into the dynamic of an interaction is known as “triangulation.” Often used to validate the toxic person’s abuse while invalidating the victim’s reactions to abuse, triangulation can also work to manufacture love triangles that leave you feeling unhinged and insecure.

Malignant narcissists love to triangulate their significant other with strangers, co-workers, ex-partners, friends and even family members in order to evoke jealousy and uncertainty in you. They also use the opinions of others to validate their point of view.

This is a diversionary tactic meant to pull your attention away from their abusive behavior and into a false image of them as a desirable, sought after person. It also leaves you questioning yourself – if Mary did agree with Tom, doesn’t that mean that you must be wrong? The truth is, narcissists love to “report back” falsehoods about others say about you, when in fact, they are the ones smearing you.

15. Bait and feign innocence.

Toxic individuals lure you into a false sense of security simply to have a platform to showcase their cruelty. Baiting you into a mindless, chaotic argument can escalate into a showdown rather quickly with someone who doesn’t know the meaning of respect. A simple disagreement may bait you into responding politely initially, until it becomes clear that the person has a malicious motive of tearing you down.

By “baiting” you with a seemingly innocuous comment disguised as a rational one, they can then begin to play with you. Remember: narcissistic abusers have learned about your insecurities, the unsettling catchphrases that interrupt your confidence, and the disturbing topics that reenact your wounds – and they use this knowledge maliciously to provoke you. After you’ve fallen for it, hook line and sinker, they’ll stand back and innocently ask whether you’re “okay” and talk about how they didn’t “mean” to agitate you. This faux innocence works to catch you off guard and make you believe that they truly didn’t intend to hurt you, until it happens so often you can’t deny the reality of their malice any longer.

16. Boundary testing and hoovering.

dangerous egos and otherwise toxic people continually try and test your boundaries to see which ones they can trespass. The more violations they’re able to commit without consequences, the more they’ll push the envelope.
That’s why survivors of emotional as well as physical abuse often experience even more severe incidents of abuse each and every time they go back to their abusers.

Abusers tend to “hoover” their victims back in with sweet promises, fake remorse and empty words of how they are going to change, only to abuse their victims even more horrifically. In the abuser’s sick mind, this boundary testing serves as a punishment for standing up to the abuse and also for being going back to it. When narcissists try to press the emotional reset button, reinforce your boundaries even more strongly rather than backtracking on them.

17. Aggressive jabs disguised as jokes.

Covert narcissists enjoy making malicious remarks at your expense. These are usually dressed up as “just jokes” so that they can get away with saying appalling things while still maintaining an innocent, cool demeanor. Yet any time you are outraged at an insensitive, harsh remark, you are accused of having no sense of humor. This is a tactic frequently used in verbal abuse.

The contemptuous smirk and sadistic gleam in their eyes give it away, however – like a predator that plays with its food, a toxic person gains pleasure from hurting you and being able to get away with it. After all, it’s just a joke, right? Wrong. It’s a way to gaslight you into thinking their abuse is a joke – a way to divert from their cruelty and onto your perceived sensitivity. It is important that when this happens, you stand up for yourself and make it clear that you won’t tolerate this type of behavior.

Calling out manipulative people on their covert put-downs may result in further gaslighting from the abuser but maintain your stance that their behavior is not okay and end the interaction immediately if you have to.

18. Condescending sarcasm and patronizing tone.

Belittling and degrading a person is a toxic person’s forte and their tone of voice is only one tool in their toolbox. Sarcasm can be a fun mode of communication when both parties are engaged, but narcissists use it chronically as a way to manipulate you and degrade you. If you in any way react to it, you must be “too sensitive.”

Forget that the toxic person constantly has temper tantrums every time their big bad ego is faced with realistic feedback – the victim is the hypersensitive one, apparently. So long as you’re treated like a child and constantly challenged for expressing yourself, you’ll start to develop a sense of hypervigilance about voicing your thoughts and opinions without reprimand. This self-censorship enables the abuser to put in less work in silencing you, because you begin to silence yourself.

19. Shaming.

“You should be ashamed of yourself” is a favorite saying of toxic people. Though it can be used by someone who is non-toxic, in the realm of the narcissist or sociopath, shaming is an effective method that targets any behavior or belief that might challenge a toxic person’s power. It can also be used to destroy and whittle away at a victim’s self-esteem: if a victim dares to be proud of something, shaming the victim for that specific trait, quality or accomplishment can serve to diminish their sense of self and stifle any pride they may have.

Malignant dangerous egos enjoy using your own wounds against you – so they will even shame you about any abuse or injustice you’ve suffered in your lifetime as a way to retraumatize you. Were you a childhood abuse survivor? A malignant dangerous egos will claim that you must’ve done something to deserve it, or brag about their own happy childhood as a way to make you feel deficient and unworthy.

20. Control.

Most importantly, toxic abusers love to maintain control in whatever way they can. They isolate you, maintain control over your finances and social networks, and micromanage every facet of your life. Yet the most powerful mechanism they have for control is toying with your emotions.

That’s why dangerous egos manufacture situations of conflict out of thin air to keep you feeling off center and off balanced. That’s why they chronically engage in disagreements about irrelevant things and rage over perceived slights. That’s why they emotionally withdraw, only to re-idealize you once they start to lose control. That’s why they vacillate between their false self and their true self, so you never get a sense of psychological safety or certainty about who your partner truly is.

The more power they have over your emotions, the less likely you’ll trust your own reality and the truth about the abuse you’re enduring. Knowing the manipulative tactics and how they work to erode your sense of self can arm you with the knowledge of what you’re facing and at the very least, develop a plan to regain control over your own life and away from toxic people.

The woman who authored the original article that I have butchered above writes from the perspective of a woman that has survived a toxic relationship and is now helping other woman notice, understand and heal from abusive relationships and her writing style speaks to me which is why I referenced her article. I have edited her article in that I removed some of the in-depth insights, and I replaced her technical words like “narcissistic sociopath, psychopath” and I replaced them with my over simplified words “dangerous ego”, it’s easier for me to read the big picture if I combined technical words into my own interpretation. But don’t take my word for it, read her full article as it was published on a website ‘thought catalog’ by clicking ‘here’. If her words help you or speak to you consider reading more of her works.

 The next article is written by a Phd so it’s a bit more ‘heady’ for some people, but take what you can from it…

Begin Quote:

15 Things Manipulative People Do to Try to Control You

-- Loren Soeiro, Ph.D. ABPP

Being manipulated feels awful, until you realize what's really going on. Posted Jun 26, 2018

Most of us can easily recognize the familiar and unpleasant experience of being emotionally manipulated. The feeling is instantly recognizable, although it’s not always easy to identify how it’s being done. It can even become difficult to rely on one’s own judgment when facts and truths that once seemed easily identifiable are being twisted to work against you. To help shine a light on how this happens, I’ve compiled a (partial) list of manipulation techniques used by people who treat their partners this way. But even if you recognize some aspect of your own relationship while reading these, don’t get angry; it’s just as important to understand why manipulators do what they do.

First of all, manipulators oversimplify. They may turn simple disagreements into moral judgments, casting themselves on the side of the angels, and you on the other. “I would never be able to live with myself if I did what you did,” you might hear. Inherent in this statement is the reduction of a complicated situation to black and white, right and wrong; if you don’t agree with the manipulator, you’re automatically unreasonable. No nuance will be acknowledged; no alternate interpretation will be considered.

Manipulators also refocus the point of an argument in ways that favor themselves. Circumstances may be turned around, even as they are reduced to a formulation that favors their own point of view. You might hear, “I would never treat you like that,” while any complexity in the situation is ignored. Worse, the words “never” and “always” can highlight the manipulator’s tendency toward over-generalization, making an incident seem like a rule, which oversimplifies, as well as splitting the argument into “all good” and “all bad.” Emotionally, the anger or hurt that gets expressed in arguments like these can be overwhelming, to the point where it feels as if you must apologize or quickly concede.

Manipulative vocabulary becomes exaggerated as well—for instance, when a twice-repeated request for a favor is described as “harassment.” And ambiguous events or gestures may be imbued with meaning, in ways that seem impossible to argue with. A casual remark you make, for instance, may be interpreted by a manipulator as signifying a huge character flaw. I once worked with someone who told me that he had once held a hand out to touch a girlfriend’s hand as she crossed the room in front of him, only to be scorned for being “less than a man” because of the reaching-out gesture. Further, when arguing with someone with manipulative qualities, one may also find that their emotional reactions are overstated, such as, "Can’t you see the hurt you’re causing me? I’ve hit rock bottom!” Events may be construed in ways that emphasize the depth of pain they have caused the manipulator, which allows the manipulator to extract more concessions. Furthermore, this kind of manipulation makes an explicit plea toward feelings of guilt. You might hear, “But I’m feeling so depressed today! Can’t you just do this for me?” And even if you have been trying to talk about a problem of your own, a chronic manipulator may ignore it and use the opportunity to focus on his or her own pain.

This kind of behavior suggests that manipulators are projecting their own concerns onto the world, finding evidence in it to support their preconceptions, and interpreting it through the lens of their own inner unhappiness. The defensiveness that emerges often causes them to shirk responsibility for their own behavior—right up to the point of clearly and openly agreeing to something, but later denying it. And if you ever score a point against someone who’s arguing in a manipulative style, you might find the focus of the argument suddenly changes to another point—one you’ll have more difficulty refuting. Unrelated concepts may be brought into an argument to support it, in ways that are confusing or destabilizing. Overall, you’ll usually feel like you’re “walking on eggshells” around a person who behaves this way, never knowing what may set them off. It indicates that the manipulator is insecure about taking responsibility, about recognizing that they, too, have some faults.

Once you begin to recognize this, you’ll see that these manipulation techniques do not usually emerge from malicious intent. They occur because of deep emotional dysregulation, coupled with insufficient coping skills. People who manipulate are expressing their internal hurt and confusion in the context of their relationships by attacking instead of reaching out, or insulting instead of apologizing, blaming instead of accepting responsibility. They aren’t able to deal with the unhappiness inside themselves, so they project it onto others. This is often true in the case of borderline personality disorder, where the sufferer experiences profound disruptions to his or her sense of self, while his or her close relationships are hit with the collateral damage. Persons with borderline personality organization may feel deep-rooted and extreme needs for love and acceptance, but find that these needs are perpetually stymied by the typical challenges that relationships present. The result is a kind of emotional hypersensitivity and over-reactivity, as well as a reversion to primitive defense mechanisms, like denial. In response to the frustration and anger they feel when they cannot satisfy their powerful internal needs, persons with borderline personality disorder resort to the manipulative behaviors described above.

While not every instance of manipulation is evidence for borderline personality disorder, it is nevertheless important to understand the intrapsychic transformations that elicit this behavior. Manipulative actions and argumentation like the above can cause a great deal of harm, or even ruin a relationship if no one recognizes it as an expression of need rather than an effort to dominate."

Quote Ended: Here's a link to his original article ‘here’.


I am no longer concerned with any reasoning as to why I voted for Donald trump twice, I don’t appreciate his ego, but I appreciate his actions. I don’t appreciate the way he would rile-up a crowd of supporters, but I appreciate his authenticity and genuineness. I am not troubled by his historical behavior, but more so of his behavior leading up to and becoming president, and most of all that he practiced what he believed… in regards to abortion. I understand that there are many sides and opinions of abortion however I view it in it’s most simple terms, that abortion is murder plain and simple, no matter what the u.s. supreme court had ‘determined’ that the act of murdering unborn and partially born children, but its still murder, its murder that many people ‘justify’ for an untold many of reasons, but it is the rationalization of murder at its core. Both huge egos, biden and trump both to subscribe to the same religious philosophy that I do and only one of them justifies the killing of unborn children, the hypocrite that has compromised his own integrity to satisfy some of his constituents, president number 46 biden. For me the ‘litmus test’ for any political figure is their belief/opinion of abortion because a compromised ego will justify murder, but the person that I vote for will cut through the cloudiness and confusion of murderous reasoning and understand that at its simplest form abortion is sanctioned, controlled, and the most populist form of murder to the people that have the least ability to defend themselves, unborn, partially born, and sometimes even fully born children. I appreciate the fact that through the cloudiness of the advice she was given that my mother ‘janice terlizzi’ chose to bring me to life, she knew abortion was wrong at its core and she allowed me to be born and live life. Politicians that over complicate the simplest of understanding do not deserve my vote, it’s simple, isn’t it… maybe not. – christopher