...if folks are curious enough about this website or about me as a person they might end up poking around and ending up here, reading some blog entries/posts, blog posts are where i write about most of the real things that are important to me, and about other things to, sometimes things that bother me for some reason, and i also write about other silly ego revealing things that nobody needs to waste their time reading... but mostly its where i write about things that i think are important somehow, i'm not a professional anything, so there will be ignorance written below, but i trust that the reader can discern the baby from the bathwater, i do hope to stimulate your noggin enough to do some of your own research using your own critical-reasoning... i write for my own health, and to my offspring/kids, and to anyone else that cares to read. --  ct
 March 2023
03-31-23:  Once upon a time there was a family that included ten children, a mother, a father, and a pet dog they called 'Buster'--and they all lived together in a big house... one particular day the family went to visit some friends, and the dog was left all alone in the big house... And being the naughty opportunist that he was, Buster knocked over the trash can, and consumed much of the refuse that was sprawled across the kitchen floor, with a full and satisfied belly--and after rolling around in the stinky pile of refuse--Buster laid on the sofa for a long nap... When father, mother, and children returned home hours later some of them became sick from the smell of the remaining trash that Buster didn't eat... Mom and Dad were the most sick, they were throwing up and had difficulty breathing--and father said 'we need an idea to help us get better'... Just then, Buster entered the room, and suggested that the two parents leave the planning up to him, 'this must be the work of a trash-monster, i will protect the trash from getting knocked over again, i am a very good protector you know', said Buster, 'but you have to trust me, and do everything that i say if you want me to protect us from the trash monster, they are very dangerous, and have even killed people'... Buster was 'man's best friend', and even though Dad knew that Buster caused the toxic mess he persuaded Mom to go along with Buster's idea, and Mom trusted Dad and Buster to help them all get better, and to make sure that they won't get sick again from the trash-monsters... Some of the children never got sick, and the one's that got sick recovered very quickly, and after a week or so the parents got better--and the trash wasn't knocked over again... Buster suggested that the family stay home for a few more months, he told them that it was all part of his plan to protect them, 'because trash-monsters attack when no one is home', he said... 'you should only leave the house to get neutered or spayed, and to get dis-temperament and rabies shots, and stay away from other humans as much as possible, that's what you should all do so i can protect you', barked Buster, 'those things help prevent trash-monsters from making you sick, or killing you', he finished... so the family left Buster alone in the big house again while they went to get spayed, and neutered, and receive their rabies and distemper shots... when the family returned home Buster was on the sofa with a full and satisfied belly, the beds were all torn apart, curtains lay on floor, stinky trash was knocked on the bathroom and kitchen floors, there was pee on the carpet, and poo on the other carpet, the mail was torn to pieces, and now everyone got sick... they were sick from the shots, sick from getting fixed, and now the noxious refuse was worse then before... 'Trash monsters' barked Buster, 'they are worse then i thought'... and so the family decided to start calling Buster by his real name, 'Your name is Anthony Fauci', said Mom, 'good dogs have a nice nick-name like 'Buster', but you didn't protect us like you said, so you don't have a nice-doggy nick-name anymore, now we are going to call you by your real name... now go outside Anthony Fauci... bad dog!' she finished, as she opened the door, and kicked him in his doggy-ass on the way out... an hour later one of the children brought a laptop to his parents, the child had done some research, and wanted to show them what he found... 'these web-pages have pictures of our dog--Anthony Fauci--but they call him a wolf, not a doggy', said the child, 'we thought Buster was a nice domesticated doggy, but it seems that he is really a predator! He wasn't protecting us from any trash-monsters, he told us to do stupid things that actually made us more sick'... just then a phone rang, it was from the new neighbor that was concerned for their safety... 'i'm not sure if you saw it yet, but there is a wolf circling your house, i noticed it about an hour ago... it looks like it's stalking your family. I called the Ranger, and they are sending a team to help cage the rabid critter' he said... The Rangers arrived, and they trapped the predator, and caged it for the rest of it's life, eventually the predator died from dis-temperament and rabies... and they all lived happily ever after... except they were all spayed and neutered, one developed strange blood-clots, and another had heart inflammation, so there's that... THE END. -- ct

03-31-23 later:  so i posted the fary-tale out to the substack, and promoted it on faceybook, most facey-book folks are sick of hearing my opinions, so i don't have much 'reach' really--and that's actually my comfort-zone really, so i mention that because i'm stating the only 'promoting/advertising' is just internet-connected social-media posts really, and then i usually just write here on this crummy/simple web-site... OK... so that was a winded preface to say that i don't really promote much of anything... so... about the story... some folks are going to hate my story, and others will appreciate it... and it's written from the perspective that the person who had the most to lose on the truthful origin of covid was the one tasked to control the herds with policy/reactions to the engineered bug, and sell lots of products either directly or indirectly...
... so, i haven't poked the government's hornet's-nest for awhile, and i wrote it at 'waaay too early' in the morning when most folks were still sound asleep, zero dark thirty, i fell asleep early listening to a pod-cast, and woke-up at two-something, and two-something o'clock isn't a good time to take a sleeping-aid, and now it's about twelve-noon-something o'clock, and i'm about beat, but i can't nap, and i'm not drinking coffee due to blood-pressure issues, and supposed to pick up daughter in a bit, otherwise i'd be knocked-out by now... this isn't as productive of a day as i'd like, strained a few muscles getting some patio-blocks/pavers yesterday, the 2x2 blocks are crazy heavy, and i've got some joints/old-injuries that have finally come to a head, but i'm stubborn, and wanted to get as many of the pavers as possible before i get the first procedure done in the very near future... the Doc is fixing a bit of impingement, the procedure seems pretty gross, there is multiple cuts for different tool's entry points, and then there is some grinding involved, and then there is a repair thing for that one thing which includes some drilling and tying off the ripped think--and then they got to sew the capsule that protects/seals the socket, i don't know how long the recovery process is going to take, i just know that everything is going to be difficult for a bit, while i deal with any pain, and get used to using crutches, and get used to having more limitations before i start to get better, and i'm going to have to rely on other folks for rides to and from doctors appointments and therapy appointments for at least two weeks... OK, i'm done complaining about my anxieties and the heavy pavers for now...
... i've got a few other projects that i want to finish before the procedure, not over-doing it and causing further aggravation is part of my problem right now, and it's probably going to be a problem during the recovery as well, and then using the crutches is probably going to aggravate my shoulder and wrist conditions that are also going to be addressed pretty soon, so not looking forward to that probability...
... OK, look, check out joe rogan's podcast with michael shcellenberger, i'll get a direct link to it on spotify in a bit, i'm sure i'll have to correct my spelling of mike's last-name, but i got to run.  --  ct

Patio Checker-board

It's going to look something like that, i've got the red and white pavers already, i'll probably mess with the border pavers after my hip heals/recovers... the checkerboard pavers are one-foot by one-foot, so we can play checkers or chess using a bunch of frizbees... it will probably host chairs and a table on it, but it will also host strategy games as well as leisurely conversation (in between the loud-ass motor-cycles, race cars, and semi's that utilize Main St which is about twenty-feet from this house), and vitamin-D production... we are going to grow some veggies and herbs in a raised bed and some containers around the bottom section and the right side, and the two white spots on the top represent some white gravel that's already there, probably put two potted plants on each of those sections too, the tan-colored things are pressure-treated 6x6 beams that are already in place... debating whether to put a weather proof canopy over it, or make it a pergola-type of semi-shaded area... motivated to get some of the pavers down before next week's procedure, i have no idea how long it's going to take before i can really exert myself after that, so it might still take another month before i finish it (good grief)... so that's what the patio is going to look like, but when you use microsoft excel as the drawing tool, and then MS Paint to brush it up a bit... i call this digital work of art 'Patio Checkers', because, well, you know, it is what it is.  --  ct
03-26-23:  watching some show on UFOs, it comes on some streaming service from our TV's manufacturer... i used to think ufo's and extraterrestrial intelligence life-forms were an interesting concept, but i thought those theorists/proponents were fruit-loops for a good chunk of my life, but that is just a convenient 'going with the flow' ... sorry, i was interrupted, never got back to this post :-)), but i was going to cover some info that i already wrote about some time ago, some of it is on this crummy website somewhere already... the show was OK, but not really good.  --  ct
03-25-23: not much to complain about right now, it's cool and overcast in rockingham county, parts of NH are supposed to get snow, but newton is supposed to be rainy, looks like it could start anytime now, but the air doesn't feel moist yet, it still cool and dry... it's actually good weather for some outdoor work... next week doesn't look too busy, i've got one very full day, the week's schedule will fill-up with life's regular unexpected things/chores/drives, but so far it looks good, i might try to resume the patio project, but really not in a concrete paver state of mind--or physical condition-- right now... purchasing and transporting them in a small SUV, lugging them into the yard, and laying them in place is going to get old, and real quick... but maybe just taking one section/line at a time (which is about what hannah's suv could probably handle), which would require several trips to/from the plaistow store, maybe that's the way to do it, hmm, if i make three trips it could equate to twenty-five percent of the final layer/surface being finished, rather than beating myself up trying to rent a truck and knocking out it all out in a day (which used to be realistic for me), maybe if i just take a few trips with 15 pavers each time it will give me a little forced rest period built in, and fifteen is pretty reasonable for that little vehicle, hmm, maybe that's how i do it to avoid extra delivery fees while using the resources that we already have, and some break-time to rest the hip in between rows... i'll probably do the red pavers, add some pretty contrast to the green grass around the patio, i just want to get that project done, i should have finished it two years ago when i started it, but my body didn't appreciate the digging, and then the gravel, and then the first layer of sand, then anti-weed mat, the second layer of sand... that's about when my body was screaming quite loudly at me, to point where i couldn't ignore it anymore, money dried up around the same time as the torn tendons and cartilage really had to be dealt with... ain't that a son-of-a-bitch... and so for a year and half the 'patio' lookd more like a giant cat-box/kitty-litter thing, like a giant arena-sized public bathroom for cats and other critters that crap in sand-like boxes... i'm half-serious because there are some ferrel domesticated-sized cats that live behind/under the neighbor's barn (she feeds them), and so the longer the patio project stayed in that 'final layer of sand' stage, the longer i had unfounded but repetitive anxieties that the cats would be crapping in it because it looks like a litter box... so the land-lady (who may or may not be the person that feeds the cats) has been very patient with me while i've had to put that project on hold for over one full year (budget and achy-braky body), so i'd like to get that project moving forward again before i'm laid-up with the hip procedure next month, maybe it will be nice enough temperatures to make use of the patio during recovery, it not even in the fifties with regularity, so i know i probably won't be sitting outside really... but the long unfinished project is a bit on anxiety/concern, seems like the snow is probably gone, so i'll clean/compact and level/pitch it one last time, and get cracking on the pavers and whatever that stuff is (hydrolic sand?) to fill in the gaps, some pavers will have to be cut at 90-degree angles--those particular ones are just going to have to wait until i recover enough after the procedure to do that sort of thing again... and then looking-up how to cut those pavers will be something i can look into while i'm laid-up and grumpy until the surgeon sees me for follow-up/post-op, whatever they call it, maybe i can start driving after that appt, crutches for who-knows how long, there will be some trauma/inflammation and some excess fluids the first few days, and i'll probably be taking the impairing Rx during those first few days, but i hope to be driving in a week or so after that... then i just need to get a bit stronger and keep moving, but being mindful of reasonable limits... i can be stubborn and not use proper discernment about how quickly to engage in which activities, but i've got a month's worth of insurance (it's actually tax-payer funded via VA) provided physical-therapy, so hopefully the pros at PT will help me get that all sorted out... so during the recovery for the hip i will have a follow-up appt. with another ortho-surgeon regarding the next stages regarding my wrist and shoulder after receiving the MRI results for them, i read the reports from the doc that was present during the MRIs, the shoulder sounds worse, he's probably going to have me get an MRI with contrast (arthrogram i think?) for it, at least i think that's what he might order, there is a small tear in one tendon, loss of cartilage and a bit of arthritis, and some other tendonitis in a couple of locations, the shoulder is pretty loose, and i don't know how they feel is the best option for treatment on it, but the MRI report made three references to 'inconclusive without contrast', so that's why i think arthrogram is probably next, it will give them better detail than the first-round/standard MRIs, there might be more than one thing torn according to that report... i changed my career to being a laborer when i was forty-five, despite having these long-term/chronic injuries i was able to do labor-intensive jobs for about five or six years longer... the truth is that despite everything related to covid that was disastrous, and even life-ending for some good folks, despite all of the negatives associated to covid-virus and our leader's reactions to it, i'm going to say that i found some positives in some ways in my own life, and so the truth is that if covid didn't happen i would probably have tried to do some other labor-involved job where i'd continue to beat on my body, doing the same thing over and over again 'hoping' for a different outcome (less pain and more enjoyable life), i've had damage to the shoulder over thirty years, but still developed a respectable tennis game, so i just started eating motrin like another food-group to deal with the pain as a result of damage and repetitive-use from the sport that i probably enjoyed the most, trauma + repetitive motion sort of injury... it'll be interesting to see what the Doc says about the shoulder based on the MRI results... if he sends this to community-care like he did for the hip then i might ask Dr Ben to give me his opinion/options on the shoulder too (providing the hip procedure goes smoothly :-)... the hip and the shoulder goes back to my Army-days, probably 20 or 21 maybe, but the wrist is the newest of them, i jammed my wrist a few times during during drunk-league--i mean 'company' softball--supporting myself as i slid for extra base, and then so many years later i was shaking a gas-station window squeegee (rotating wrist) i felt something sort of 'pop' in it, and it sort of hurt for a bit, but after months of healing i couldn't swing a golf club more then three holes and i would want to drop to my knees trying to tee-off, my left wrist is the one that all of your body's pent-up torque releases into the club to make fun shots happen, the wrist was too gimpy to support the energy transfer/release... at the time that it happened i had an easy office job and i was just bought a wal-mart wrist-brace and kept swallowing those NSAIDs to deal with the already chronic pain 'rub dirt on it and drive on'... one injury can stress another one while one is compensating for the other, the VA was kind enough to compensate me for damage that was done to my knee, but there were worse things going on with other parts of my body that i sustained during my enlistment, but here's where it get's a little interesting, my medical and some other service records were lost either while deployed to desert storm, or possibly when they were supposedly stored in St. Louis archives, so they don't have any records of certain important things except for my last three months of service... my knee started getting gimpy in desert storm, and i had it checked when i returned from the short deployment, and because it was reported in the last three months (when they made up brand new files for me) the VA was considerate and gave me some extra benefits for someone who hadn't served very long... the saying goes 'if it ain't in your records it never happened', and so if they lose your records i suppose the logic/theory/consequences of the saying would explain why they haven't considered the other injuries... 'it' is not in my records because you only have three out of forty-five months of active service documented, gas-lighting and assumed 'bullshitter' label is built into that whole VA system once your records are 'missing', that's not very helpful for the veteran, the hospitals want to serve and help your medical conditions, the disability and compensation folks are an entirely different group, as a Veteran you can't confuse an association between the entities, you can't assume that the disability folks are looking at medical treatments as evidence of sustained injuries if there is no documented 'injury or treatment of something' during the time which the DoD employed you (meaning 'missing' records), you see how that works... some of the initial injuries recovered enough that i just had annoying pain that responded to heat/ice/NSAIDs and some PT, but i think for someone with thin bones and gimpy joints i just shouldn't have started land-scaping/hard-scaping at age 45 after doing office work for so many years, it just wasn't wise, and now the old injuries have caught up to, and are screaming at me most days... i'm not expecting to ever be much of a laborer again, but if the surgeons can get me another twenty years of these damaged and gimpy joints i ought to be able to do more things then considered at the moment, that would be a treat... one of the positive things about covid for me was it it showed me that my type of employment wasn't sustainable based on chronic injuries that were aggravated by day to day work, and that you can't just keep 'rubbing dirt on it and driving on' and expect different results, or just eating more motrin to help with the results of injuries... the problem back in the day was that folks were slow to do MRIs with or without contrast unless you were a professional athlete, some low-level Army guy wasn't going to get them... 'just take 800mg of motrin and ice it and limited PT for a week or two and then get back to work, it doesn't matter if you've got a torn this or that' was the old Army, and the old VA way of conducting business and tying to get to the source of the problem... i'll tell you, so far the VA doctors have been doing well in trying to get to the root-problem in the past few years, i'm not going to say that it was perfect, but i'll say that the eye-folks, and the joint-folks have been doing very good, it's a HUGE contrast to the interest in care from the nineties and early two-thousands, i have a good idea of what they going to do to repair the hip barring any unforeseen events/discoveries, i don't know what to expect on the shoulder and wrist, hopefully the knee doesn't get over-used/aggravated trying to compensate for the opposing-side hip, i hate to add the knee-factor back into the mix when it's been doing reasonably well for the last few years... bodies are weird, they are our soul's vehicles and they aren't always predictable or cooperate with us... now to be honest with myself and the reader, if i go back and look at the opening words of this post, well it seems that i found plenty of things to complain about, after-all... my apologies for steering you wrong.  --  ct
03-22-23: blood-pressure medicine... great! the BP has been staying in the 'bit too high range' for three or more years, i've made some changes and adjustments, but it doesn't stay in the 'looking-good' end of the spectrum very long thee days/years... and one of the problems with that is the calibration/tuning to each frickin monitor that it's measured at, you go to five places in a two month span and you may have received some inaccurate, never-mind precise results... so there is that, not all machines are created equal... and sometimes i hate driving forty-five minutes going to a building to get procedures or tests, or some new medicine because my body isn't behaving well in some measurable ways, i appreciate the pros/Docs getting to the root-problems of some of my ailments/grievances and structural problems (soft-tissue has been a bitch lately), but honestly, i don't like traveling that far, but i grew-up and was raised in, or close to cities, so healthcare was never a far drive or bus or cab away, i have to drive some older sketchy vehicles on a few fast but crappy roads to get there, and by the time i get in the VA hospital my blood-pressure is going to be a bit high i think, i'm a bit grumpy yet pleasant and appreciative when i'm there despite my complaints, my hip doesn't appreciate driving that far, so after the transition of sitting-to-walking the pain escalates in the hip, and i might be dealing with pain in the shoulder or wrist that day to begin with... so i'm a bit grumpy and sore by the time they check my BP, the sitting to walking transition sucks, sometimes i feel lubed-up after walking for a bit, but sometimes i just want to get back home ASAP, and i feel extra grumpy--yet pleasant--on those nasty days... so my PCP that did the pre-OP says that i'm fit for surgery (arthroscopic), but my BP might be a bit too high, and the surgery team might not want to work on me if it's too high--and we've had the 'BP is a bit too high' conversation on multiple occasions, so given his opinion and today's readings that were one-sixty over eighty-something, and then one fifty-something over eighty-something on a second reading... so i'm taking so many miligrams of something beginning today, let's see if it works... cannabis helped with BP, and focus and ability to concentrate better, and a few other things that the endo-cannabinoid (sp?) system must stimulate/regulate or maybe even enhance or correct, but i'm not consuming canna anymore, and eating better and making some other healthy choices haven't quite been doing it for me... so, this medicine is supposed to relax, or 'expand' i think was the repeated word, expand blood-vessels to allow blood to flow better... we'll see about that... but with my skepticism and anxieties aside--i did take one of the pills before i pulled out of the hospital parking lot, and after resting back at home for about fifteen minutes later the old BP measured in at one thirty-something over low eighty-something on both the left and right arms... so i'm hopeful, and the surgeon and anesthesia folks were cool with those updates... but i hate to be taking another pill, i've had some RXs in the past that were treating long-term/chronic conditions, some that did not agree with my body/mind, and sometimes it was clear within a few months, but sometimes it took years to realize they were no longer helping, but were a hindrance/negative... so it looks pretty common, low side-effects/adverse-reactions, and is supposed to be effective... let's hope so... and i also stopped another RX which was supposed to be safe and effective, but it is known to possibly raise BP, and that wasn't a good combination in my case, my BP was jacked-up man... so last week we agreed to stop that one, so stopping that one in itself didn't quite do it... and so that's why i ended-up with a new RX today... i really don't like adding a new RX into my diet, it's my complaint of the day... but the other complaint of the day is that my BP is going to elevated after driving that long is that between having to make a drive that i don't like for that long, and getting out of the car sucks after that long of a drive, so i don't think it's 'white-coat syndrome' as my doctor suggests, i think it's more to do with patience and pain related spikes when i'm at the VA, if they use a machine then how often is it calibrated? how good or bad is the auto-cuff that i have at home? what was the calibration like at the auto-machine at the pharmacy that i went to a couple weeks ago--for two days straight? i don't trust the auto-machines/cuffs, they one that i have might be crap... but i'm fading, and getting ready to bed-down, so g'night. -- ct
03-21-23:  i don't really feel like writing right now, but i will... i have small break in between a few things, and feeling relaxed with some pleasant background music... i've been thinking a bit too much about global-elites and the ways they are actively having their will on the peasants and herds and tribes and cultures of the world... and also about the chronic pain and an upcoming corrective procedure (technically it's three procedures on one joint) to fix one of the three joints that have been Screaming at me for years now, i've never been cut before except for wisdom teeth, i'm sure Ben will do a great job, it's probably my recovery that i'm mostly concerned with... those have been a couple of stressors/anxieties lately...
... OK, enough with the opening... to pick back up from my poking at the Christian hornet-nest the other day i'll tell any reader from any background/geography/culture/religion/tradition that the heart of Christianity is really about everyone trying to get along, and respect one another, and be helpful and not taking advantage of others or victimizing others and to acknowledge and respect and draw near to our Creator/God/Universe as we go about our lives living in harmony/respect with our environment and one another, but it's more about understanding our environment, natural resources/sustainably with good stewardship, and especially respecting one another's value--mutual respect--do unto others--or whatever your culture wants to call it... and has much to do about those things, and about keeping our connection to our God/Creator/Source/fill-in-the-blank... and it's also based on ancient 'religious texts' that stem back to approximately one-zillion years ago, and it's full of old stories/history told about, or through, important people in old civilizations, the things they did right, the things they did wrong, the reasons behind their wars and struggles, and it taught future generations and cultures and civilizations far and wide--thing likes moral and ethical standards in societies and neighbors/friends and families, so it's a lot about that sort of stuff... and then it extends into newer books/accounts/letters from different folks, some that walked with Jesus, and some with second-hand accounts... and then when you look at what those letters say about Jesus's words and actions/deeds you will see some resemblance of a 'prophesied Messiah', whether he fit some sort of criteria or not, and could it be that such a messiah would be teaching that your expected 'liberation' isn't going to be through a militaristic-warrior, but it might be from a peaceful-warrior, one declaring that God wants our hearts to evolve/grow/mature in understanding of basic but important things like respecting God and other humans, and what respecting other humans might mean based on our concept of God, those are two simple/logical concepts to judge many things in life--you know, like 'does it respect/help others and our environment' with humble but adequate lifestyle and wasn't interested in expanding in self-indulging or possession-collecting, or is it a one-sided one person taking advantage of another, or gobbling-up too many resources for your own expansion and self-interests whether it be materialistic, or mental/manipulative/abusive? He used the cultural/medical procedure of circumcision as an illustration that we require a 'circumcision of our hearts' to comprehend/understand--even 'connect with' our creator, and wants us to respect one another, and to use our intelligence and understanding to do right by others, he is everyone's creator, and so this peaceful (but sometimes a bit disruptive in his passion/rhetoric and who he directed his words to, which brought him some nasty/brutal consequences (torture and execution) which some folks say was actually prophesied a messiah that would be a sacrificial 'lamb' to be 'slaughtered' as some folks say/suggest/claim...
... outside of what you like to call the real actual person Jesus, whether you think he is someone special or not, if you think he was 'meta-physical' combined with (or became) 'physical', and whether or not he fulfilled any physical requirements to be a prophesied messiah or not, whatever it is that you consider Jesus, you can't take away the logic/words/teachings/actions/lifestyle combination of him, he taught about the importance of recognizing/connecting with God his/our Father, and in doing so you will probably start respecting and not victimizing or manipulating or using others, and helping (sometimes even healing) those that could use it, sometimes the help required is obvious and sometimes it isn't... and so i think Jesus words/actions/deeds/teachings/example/life-style and bringing a sort of freedom and liberation of our spirit/heart/mind/body by teaching all sorts of things, even simple ten-commandment types of things, you know, things like not victimizing or abusing others, and to know why, and the why is because there is a real God, and there are all sorts of stories about people's 'encounters' with God, or speaking on behalf of a rational God that doesn't like people abusing and victimizing others because they don't understand mutual-respect, and then he also helped interpret/taught and answered questions about ancient religious writings/traditions and such... so even if you don't think that Jesus was a special person in any way, there is no doubt that you would still agree with the scope of his messages, and because much of it is quite simple and self-evident/logical really... but wait, let me try a new paragraph for that one...
... It seems that my Christian religion probably has too many rules of what 'being a Christian' must require, we have many diverse sub-sects which mostly have their own rules and traditions and interpretations of certain things, but ultimately all of those sects will preach similar sorts of things like i briefly described above, but the leaders and educators and mentors aren't always stable people with truth and honesty and integrity and respecting others and you end-up with some deviant sects/churches/institutions, but for the most part Christians are going to preach messages that are probably going to coincide with what i wrote above, and then they will usually do something to support and communicate to their community like to pray for, and who might have needs or just want prayer support, we Christians are usually good at supporting our community if there is realistic/constructive things that we can do (think Amish barn-raising sorts of things), so that's one of the sorts of things that lot's of Christians and our 'churches' sort of do, and so that sort of makes sense, that's part of mutual-respect and being part of a community... so you don't have to know a dang thing about Jesus, or exactly what he said, and what he meant by that, and what ancient texts it would cross-reference with, and you also don't need to know any special 'requirements' for being a Christian--i have some opinions based on different churches that i've attended, and different things that i've read and listened to--but my opinions based on certain theories and theologies isn't relevant for this topic--Jesus pointed people to God the father, that's the point, and people were attracted to him and his teachings, but he reminded people about mutual respect and helping others... there are some theorists that even understand the logic of many of Jesus's teachings/concepts/reasoning, but they won't acknowledge or maybe just don't have the ego/humility involved to understand the concept of a God that they can't see or touch or fathom, or they won't acknowledge Jesus as the source of their phylosophies... i don't know, but some folks that never heard of Jesus may still understand the simple logic/concepts of respecting/loving/helping/communing with others, and they might show an appreciation for life and nature and reality and why mutual respect and sometimes 'support' is smart, and maybe their life-styles suggest that they are not overly concerned about gobbling-up and collecting too many things, or buying so many assets that other people that could really use those assets can't afford them or have access to them, they aren't trying to work some system where they know they are taking advantage of others, they are humble and respectful and have an appreciation for creation, they might sort of be connected to God the father... some folks just see the earth as 'God', they see creation as the creator, and i don't follow that system/theory but if they are otherwise decent folks then they are at least on the idea that there is something bigger then themselves, and the logic of sustainable lifestyles and being good to their 'God' and also to humanity, but people's interpretation of God is where things seem to get a bit flukey, and then what does God expect from you, that sometimes seems like another bunch of rules that you might consider (start with ten commandments, they are easy and logical and sustainable), and what you should be allowed to do no matter how annoying or depriving it is to others might be based on the church/village-elders/leaders... but really, Jesus explained/reasoned a lot of right from wrong, and to clear-up some confusion with some people's interpretations or ideas of what are necessary rituals/traditions, but he was telling folks--that would listen--that we need to do right by our neighbors, not victimize or control others or otherwise interfere with their freedoms that you want for yourself... two qualities of Jesus were that he was humble, and treated others equally/respectfully (even though sometimes he rebuked a bit), he was interested in truth and reality, not bull-shit artists or controlling or deceiving or brutal people, he had a particular disdain for what much of his ancestor's 'religion' had become, and the leaders that used their 'church' and gave them false teachings that would ensnare/enslave, he really didn't like those false 'religions' or it's teachers at all...
... so look, i had no intention of writing all of this, but now that i did--i want to re-iterate the thing that i said the other day, i identify as a Christian, but i think many Christians are missing the point, some folks use their religion for community/relationships/help/therapy/education, some use their 'church' for simple gatherings and teachings, it's what many cultures have been doing for years, but i think my opinions of what a person that is connected to God the father, and what many Christian circles may understand might be quite different, it's my opinion that the characteristics of Jesus, and understand the logic of the ten commandments (even though some folks may not put them together and classify those concepts as 'religion' because they just make sense, ten simple logical 'commandments' are really more like common sense when you are done acting like a spoiled-child, i think there are plenty of folks like that out there that may have never wanted to read or learn about Jesus, but they understand reality/sustainability/mutual-respect and are pleasant folks generally speaking, those genuinely pleasant (although never perfect) folks might actually be connected to God the father because they understood similar things/concepts, but from different backgrounds/theories/teachings, and maybe much of it was just observable and self-evident over time, it's what happens to people when they grow up... i don't think you need to say a specific prayer to connect with God the father, but i think if you are connected to some big 'God the father/universe/creator' then the words and teachings of Jesus will probably make sense and might possibly change your perspective and outlook on certain things in life (usually for the better), the bible isn't a terrible source for information, it's got a bunch of legitimate history mixed in with a bunch of stories, and it's concepts are pretty logical when you break them down into the most simple ideas (love our creator and other people too)... anyways, i've got a pizza to make, gotta go, hopefully i haven't blasphemed at you very much... i have plenty of opinions about lots of things, and i might be foolish or ignorant about many of them, so that's one of the reasons that i don't just dedicate all of my efforts and studies into 'things about God', because i know i might be the village-idiot on some matters and in some respects, and i really don't want to screw-up matters about God, so that's why i'm not a leader, leadership can be exhausting and rewarding, and also traumatic to the empathetic soul, and it can/will test your ego/integrity and beliefs and values and codes of ethics... but look, i'm going on and on and i have a pizza to make, one with black olives and spinach (maybe some fetta and tomatoes if we have them)... i love Jesus, and the core/heart of his values and teachings, but i think Christians have too many rules about what constitutes what sometimes, but understanding the way the truth and the life/light, and 'a greater good' or 'the big picture', and to live with peace and harmony to the extent that it's possible makes sense to mature adults, i guess that's what i'm saying... i've met some decent folks that in many respects live 'Christ-like', but their reasons for doing what they do, and behaving as they do may not be the exact same reasons as the die-hard religiosy types... and that's what i'm saying, meta-religion connects/identifies the common positive attributes of various theological belief systems, to look at things that unite and not simply divide... part of Jesus mission was to unite God's children to their father, some folks say you have to go through Jesus to 'get to the father', i'm a bit skeptical about that interpretation/translation, but maybe they are right, i think you need to make a personal connection to God, and i think they are many folks that do so without 'following Jesus', many folks 'follow' Jesus's logic in understanding right from wrong, growing in a trajectory where you quit rolling around in the smelly wrong, and not victimizing or bothering folks, but being decent and respectful to them, i've met plenty of those types, some of them have some decent understanding/concepts of God, folks that exhibit the 'fruits of the spirit' have probably connected to God the father, and are probably doing their best to make a positive impact on the world in the ways and capabilities that they can, and that's whether they said some special prayer, or take part in certain rituals, or have an exact belief system, the fact is that many of us carry some sort of dysfunction and can get a bit (or a LOT) wonky on occasion for a season, no matter how you pray, or how you do it, at some point we require adjustments to guide back on our positive and intelligent trajectories... so, it's been my pleasure to stir the pot and poke the hive, feel free to tell me why you disagree with my assessment and opinions, persuade me, i suppose that you could tell me if you agree with any of it as well, but i'm used to criticism, and i appreciate it... OK, pizza, right... God bless. -- ct

03-19-23:  poking the hornet's nest again, this time stirring-up some trouble with my Christian friends/brothers/sisters, etc... i self-identify myself as a christian, i was born and raised under Catholicism, and made a slight turn during my early to late twenties when i heard the concept of Jesus mission and teachings a bit differently, and it was enough to shake me out of the downward spiral that i was on at the time, and back to embracing reality (experiencing life with the understanding that we have a creator whom we are supposed to helping, not hindering)... i've read many different perspectives and opinions of who Jesus was, his significance to humanity, whether or not his genetic make-up was fifty-percent human and fifty-percent source/creator/God, and i'm not going to give my own opinion for the sake of this article, other than to say that he always seemed to point people into the direction of 'his father'... God... and that his discernment, teachings, and philosophies were brilliant/logical/sustainable... and his simple lifestyle and unwavering convictions to the eventual cause of his death demonstrated what someone who practiced what he preached really looks like... so those are my only opinions on Jesus that i will offer for this post, and stirring of the hive, except for this, that's possible to know/commune with God the Father without even heard about Jesus... you can tell when decent people understand the concepts that Jesus taught/preached like loving God, and respecting/loving other people, and not victimizing but helping others... you can tell when folks just sot of know that even if they have never heard of Jesus, or maybe just heard the name before...
... so, with that hive-kicking introduction, i'd like to make one small comment to this article on fox news website... here is a small part of it:

This special Lenten season is a time to reflect on how change is only possible with the light of Christ, Dr. Michael Keller, senior pastor at Redeemer Presbyterian Church, Lincoln Square, in New York City, told Fox News Digital.

"Many of us spend copious amounts of money trying to change our appearances, our prospects and our character," said Keller.

"It is very American to desire change," he said. "It is less obvious how to achieve it."

In Paul's letter to the Ephesians, the apostle writes, "Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light" (Ephesians 5:14).


I suppose i lied, i am going to offer a bit more of my personal opinion of Jesus... personally speaking, i think reading/contemplating, and maybe even studying Jesus and his teachings is probably the fastest way of understanding the reality of God, and his expectations, i think when you consider some older religious texts/writings that he referenced along with some of the clarifications that he made regarding those scriptures then it's probably the fastest way to your personal validation, connecting with, and communing with the same 'God the Father' that Jesus always tried to point people toward, i think that was part of his mission... but there are plenty of peaceful and respectful and kind folks in this world that have connected-with and sort of understand God without reading/studying Jesus, somehow they have grown, and matured, and changed, and evolved to understand many of the principles that Jesus taught, because every human has an innate desire to evolve in our actions and behaviors, just as we evolve/change to our world/environment, call it 'survival' if you wish, call it 'logical/spiritual/necessary evolution' if that suits you better... i think religious and philosophical contemplation can help folks connect with our creator, but i also think some folks are capable of connecting with God even if they haven studied those sorts of things, and were never submerged in water, or partaken in water and wine ceremonies... they hold others in high regard, they are interested in truth over fantasy, they live life-styles that would suggest that they care about necessary/sustainable things that will allow future generations to live as nice--or better--then they live... you see this with many cultures and people that appreciate being in nature, they have less barriers between them and God then those who hole-up in walls and prisons of various types... so, it'll be interesting to see if i get any feedback from fellow Christians as to whether or not my personal opinions cross a line of blasphemy... i don't get much direct feedback from this website anymore, now that i've offended just about everyone possible, so i'm not expecting concerned feedback... but some religious scriptures talk about a host of a feast/celebration that had plenty of empty seats at his table, so in order to fill them up he expanded his friendship/invitations to all sorts of other people, not just his besties--and when that happens who knows who you will end up dining with--it might be someone from pretty unexpected, but somehow they still appreciate the host of the celebration, and the host appreciates them... Jesus expanded the host's invitation to many hungry folks from all different cultures and venues and kingdoms, he was like a walking, living, breathing billboard/sign/advertisement with an arrow pointing in God's direction, so to speak... anyhow, God bless you, and i hope you enjoy the rest of your sunday, this post belongs under the 'religious and philosophy' section, but some folks don't go there, and maybe ought to read this one. -- ct

03-17-23:  i could complain about politics, my lot in life, my pain level... shooot, give me a few minutes and i can come up with a volume of things to complain about... by honestly, i don't feel like i have much to complain about today, i'm enjoying some quiet/peaceful time at home, the pain is still there but it's not amplified today, driving and sitting too long bother my hip and sometimes my knee... i have nowhere to go, and i'm sitting very long today (reading and writing)... i'm not reading politics or current events, and purposely not even thinking about them.  i could complain about your hair, i suppose, it's clearly not perfect today , but mine is worse.  i could complain about the weather, after-all, it's not sunny and seventy with an occasional pleasant breeze today (it probably is somewhere), it's in the forties and over-cast... my biggest chores for today are done, i have to walk to the mailbox, the sink has some dishes, and there is another load of laundry that needs attention, i've got some simple dinner to prepare that won't take much time or effort--maybe half an hour or so... i had a pleasant shower, wearing comfortable clothes, the house is quiet, not too many noisy cars/trucks/motorcycles today, paper-work is done, had a good video-call, my head-space is almost content, it's close enough to content that i can't complain... i can't believe that i/m not complaining, this is weird, is this actual contentment, is that what this is... i'm pausing for now, surely there is something that requires complaining about in my immediate environment, or elsewhere... let me go see what requires complaining about, i'll be back shortly.  --  ct
03-16-23:   i have opinions regarding emergency-only authorized/released quickly developed and quickly manufactured serums, but the fact is that i was VERY slow in discerning the dangers of a vaccine in itself, i was still scratching my head from election irregularities and the fact that i couldn't work anymore, so it took me a while to weigh the whole 'to vax or not to vax' decision, the hypocrisy of anthony-the-fauci's words bothered me, but i was still catching my breath from other riots and crisis... i didn't have a job to return to that told me that i needed to be a part of a new experiment/human-trial in order to return to work and collect an income... so i don't want to come across as someone that refused their jabs/inoculations because they recognized the risks from the start, because i fully expected to get my jabs after the at-risk folks got their's first, i just started to become suspicious/aware of the risks of becoming a trial-participant until months after the shots were released... first the bio-weapon was released on the masses, then the fake solution (which cold be another weapon in it's own right) to the problem was released and even demanded upon the masses, it seems too mean to be true, but psychotics carried it out, psychotics carried-out the biggest psychological warfare, and biggest biological warfare attacks on the communicating world that has been documented to date... we all share that same experience/history, we all lived through it, we are all still living with the consequences of virus strains, vaccines, and political/policy reactions to those 'biologics', you could never walk into a bank wearing a mask before covid, and you couldn't do medical appointments on Zoom before covid, and there are many other changes that were made to policies that you can probably think of as well... you can see how theorists, opportunists, and policy-makers changed our lives/routines/livelihoods/relationships during the covid release, the policy-maker's reactions, and the vaccine human-trial stages of our time... we shared that experience and history, it was a simple annoyance and exercise in patience to some folks, and it killed, maimed, and traumatized others... the covid war on the communicating world made you wish you were in a secluded tribe living in nature, but if you weren't then the Willy-gates and WEF experiment really effected your life in a negative way/ways... i was late to the game regarding vaccine hazards, that won't happen again. -- ct
03-15-23:  lots of nice melting going on here today, the sun was productive, and most spots that were reasonably shoveled are dry by now, love that... that snow kicked my ass yesterday, and had me a bit concerned about losing power, and whether the roof could handle the heavy load, some folks in town lost power for quite a bit, i don't know about structural damage, but houses around here are typically built to codes.standards that can handle these wet/heavy snow storms, so i worried over nothing that i couldn't have controlled to begin with, that's a rabbit-hole that you don't want to chase very long, it can lead to serious wine consumption that helps nothing but your taste-buds and blurring some memories... OK, nothing to really write tonight, just writing 'because', i had something lengthy started, but don't think it's appropriate timing, not do i have the attention-span to see it through... so hey, God bless you, and i hope your wednesday was enjoyable, mine was weird, but good i suppose, in some respects i contributed to the safety of society, most of us do that everyday without realizing it... anyways, goodnight...  --  ct
03-14-23: it's snowing like mad in rockingham county... i just cleaned-up a downed-branch across our street (Main St), it wasn't very thick or heavy, so i didn't have to cut it, i just dragged it out of the way--i heard it crack just as i was preparing to write... it is some wet and heavy snow (sorry wrist and hips, you have to help shovel today), that branch is probably the first of many around the place to meet their demise over the next twenty-four hours, they will give us some good backyard fires in the next month or two...
... they rescheduled an O/T appointment i had today, i'm glad they called, it'd be a white-knuckled drive in either hannah or laura's cars... but the upside of today's appointment would have been the first medical professional to help me get an explanation/visual on what's wrong with my wrist and shoulder, i have the MRI reports, but it's one-hundred percent doctor-talk, and i'll have to read it three more times with an open dictionary and some diagrams to begin to understand... the ortho-surgeon opened the hip's arthrogram on the huge monitor and explained it in regular folks language for me, but that hasn't happened with the MRIs on the wrist and shoulder yet, but 'tear' was mentioned multiple times in each of those reports, so who knows, maybe they can fix those too and i get another ten or twenty years without three gimpy major joints, maybe i can rake leaves, and shovel snow, and work on a car, and going on long drives without chronic pain again, maybe i can take a nice hike again without paying for it with months of pain, the icing on the cake would be able to swing a golf club or a tennis racquet again... walking pretty golf courses was a therapy for me back in the day, and tennis was my exercise/fun/play, and they were both form of 'entertainment' in some respects, or, maybe they were doing real things that interacted with other people and nature instead of seeking entertainment from less fruitful means... i have a feeling that after the surgery the physical therapy will get me motivated to start working-out/exercising again, i prefer to get my exercise by doing physical work and doing some outside chores that keep me moving and get my heart-rate and lungs increasing for a bit, i don't like using machines or rubber-bands for exercise, and that might be because i have several gimpy joints and the muscles and tendons around them are usually aggravated, trying to work-out now makes me grumpy and want to take a handful of NSAIDs for dinner, then there is heat compresses and ice-packs usually involved afterwards too...
... yeah, the snow is coming down in big fast flakes, it's going to be heavy, i should probably go out and deal with it a few times throughout the day... laura said that they are closing at 13:00 today, so i'll have to get it cleaned-up by then so she can pull up into the driveway... otherwise, the girls and i have nowhere to go today, so it's going to be a nice day hibernating in the house... God bless your endeavors today, may your tuesday be an enjoyable one, hopefully you get to spend some of it with people that you like and appreciate.  --  ct

03-14-23 later:  the snow is coming down at a sharp angle, i think i moved about ten inches off the driveway... the weather was invigorating for a bit, but eventually you say fvck-that and get inside where you belong during in-climate weather... laura is back home now, so my two biggest concerns are that the power stays on, and that the roofs hold under pressure, the main house sounds OK, but the 'shed' roof sounded sketchy, you already know that it's got a bunch of wet heavy snow piled-up on it, but then when the wind blows you hear the branches dumping their snow like someone is jumping on the roof, lot's of thuds on the roof... it's like some jolly fat elf and his hitch-team landing on the fragile asphalt-shingle covering once per year, but if those sons-of-bitches wreck this roof they can expect a hail of gunfire and a few angry words... sorry, i got side-tracked... the snow is still coming down pretty strong, the plows have barely put a dent on the roads, there is still inches of impacted snow on main street... glad there's no where to go, i hate snow i hate snow i hate snow... the more i have to move the more it looses it's splendor and novelty... anyhow, i hope we keep power running, and i hope the roof holds.  --  ct
03-13-23:  so he's going to grind the tip of the bone to make it more spherical, drill an anchor into another bone in order to tie the labrum back together and where it belongs--or something like that--and then close-up the sac that the joint is encapsulated in... i find the concept on varying degrees of the gross-to-cool meter at different moments when i consider the procedure... i haven't looked-up any videos yet, though--maybe that's how i spend part of the afternoon... so when grinding a femur head more spherical--how do they make sure they don't leave behind any bone-dust, wouldn't that be like the ultimate cement just caked into the sock, like 'just add water' instant arthritis?  i obviously still have some questions regarding the procedure, but looking forward to fixing some old damage (an old injury), stupid-ass hip impingement, i hate hip impingement, it hurts like hell sometimes :-)  --  ct
03-12-23:  what a bright sun-shiny day in rockingham county, yesterday was cool and overcast, today is cool and sunny... i can smell spring coming... hopefully the snow we had last week was the last of it, it's time for bright green buds to start popping in the bushes and trees, and the annuals to rise and show themselves... i could use a warm-spell in the next couple of weeks to finish the patio (that i started two years ago), my wrist and shoulder won't appreciate it, but, i get the hip repaired in less then a month, and i don't know if i'm going to be able to bend down long enough to do ground-work for awhile afterward... if i get a few nice days i'm going to try to lay the deck, maybe i'll be able to enjoy the space during my recovery... and even if i screw-up the wrist and shoulder during the project i'll be on some crazy Rx pain pills for a week or so after the procedure, but i'll still complain about the pain anyways, i'm a self-described world-class complainer, it's my pro-noun...
... pretty easy day today, got to get to the dump, the oldest gals are already shopping, just some laundry and dishes to attend to... homemade pizza for supper tonight, so i don't have much to do until this afternoon... speaking of afternoon, when did everyone start pretending that it's an hour later, quit fvcking with me people!   it only bothered me because an alarm sounded an hour earlier then expected, otherwise, i appreciate the extra morning sun, it pairs well with my coffee... hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend, embrace your creator today, let him know how much you appreciate him today.  --  ct
03-11-23:  i must have sneezed and blown my nose about 150 times today, i hate that... trying to flush/help with tea, water, and a bit of vino/wine, wish me luck...maybe some extra zinc and vitamin-c are in order... i know, i'm complaining about sniffles--i'm a world-class complainer, and sniffles rank up there with being cold/tired/hungry, those things all suck... the various herbal teas that we still have are comforting, they help warm the soul... the good news is that main street has been relatively quiet today, not too many racers or proud-n-loud types driving with high RPMs, it's been almost as quiet as snow storms and rainy days--wait a minute--actually, i've been wearing head-phones most of the day, so why am i even commenting on the street-noise, maybe because it's something that i'm very good at complaining about too... i've been listening to some pod-casts today, and some great relaxing stuff in the background, and it might be helping to drown-out the street-noise as well as stimulating the brain... anyways, i have some more sniffling to attend to, and could use another tea... God bless, and enjoy your weekend.  --  ct

03-11-23 later:  this Brit was spot-on, i LOL'd multiple times.  --  ct
03-10-23:  i did a quick facey-book post linking to a good podcast today and folks are showing their opposing views, not directly at faceybook, but in phone calls and texts/messengers and email, and my facey-book post inspired a small substack post, and that inspired this post... if you are still under the impression that covid-vaccines are safe and effective there isn't much i can possibly do to convince you otherwise, continue to assume that greedy folks aren't looking to score off of the covid-crisis, maybe you never considered as much before, no worries mate, smart and coniving groups of people can manipulate behaviors and people like you wouldn't believe... distorting reality isn't difficult for some folks, gaslighting folks to the point of questioning their interpretation of reality is a game to certain deviants, some deviants/liars are easier to spot then others... if you are stubborn/stupid enough to assume that powerful people/corporations/organizations DON'T have your best interest in mind, but rather their ROI then bless your little heart, in some respects i appreciate the folks that actually think so, it tells me that you have a better heart/soul/logic and intentions then the conspiring greedy parasites do... naive can be lack of knowledge/understanding of information, as well as a normal person with a decent soul that doesn't consider the reality of a different kind of evil that they have ever been subjected to, or considered, being naive to certain things doesn't speak to your intelligence or IQ necessarily, sometimes it's because you understand right from wrong, and don't expect humans to stoop to a level of low that only predators contrive... and if that's your type of misunderstanding or lack of information and knowledge then you are my kind of people, you are normal, and i'd rather spend my time and resources with folks like you rather than a whole city full of conniving/manipulating rich and powerful folks, i don't have much tolerance for parasites/predators, that's what guns are for, i'd rather put my attention and energy into regular normal folks that display a mutual respect for others, many Christians call mutual respect 'the golden rule', but the concept helps you distinguish wolves from sheep, and how to treat/respect/converse/interact with other people... i have no problem with 'sheep dogs' being harsh and confronting wolves and other predators to protect the regular sheep, but otherwise you assume that regular normal people are treating others the way that we assume to be treated, be we can't be naive in understanding that predators exist, and once we understand that we are dealing with a predator we take comfort in our side-arm's dependability and consistency... firearms are useful for dealing with predators, every bit as much as putting protein on your table, very bit as much as entertainment and competition/sport... anyways, pardon the gun lesson distraction... regular normal folks that don't consider taking advantage of, or destroying others understand reality, God bless you, you aren't perfect, but you have a decent heart, you also have a general understanding of God's will/nature/expectations, we might use totally different words or concepts to describe right from wrong, and our creator/God/universe, but we recognize reality and normalcy based on mutually-observational right from wrong... i love you folks, seriously... i have a hard time 'loving' predators and distorters of reality, they don't posses the regulation from hurting others, or they just don't care about others with the essential mutual-respect 'golden rule' philosophy and sustainable lifestyle/mantra... anyways, here's my substack post, it's not necessarily substantial, or well organized, or researched, but it's more like an introduction to an important topic.  --  God bless -- ct
03-09-23:  this is one of the most practical/applicable bits of wisdom shared for today's generation, the ultra-city generation that assumes that being able to afford food at grocery stores means that you are living a sustainable life-style, that's augmented reality, everyone is responsible for consuming food, but little folks take the time to actually produce/harvest any of their own food... i'm pretty adamant about this topic because i grew-up as a city and suburb boy, and knew very little about agriculture until i was an adult in my thirties or forties... Mom and i had some micro-gardens at a few of the places that we rented in my youth, and i remember Grampa Caddigan working his tiny garden in Arlington too... as a married adult (and father) i helped the wife work a smaller garden in the house where our children grew-up, i didn't care for it because i worked full-time with a long commute, and i had the grass to cut when i had time over the weekends, our backyard garden never produced a ton of food, and we had some setbacks with damaged crops (plants) along the way... i never 'got good' at growing from seed to healthy harvest until i learned about indoor hydroponics, it gave me enough confidence to know that a 'city boy' can actually grow healthy plants--sure, it was top-shelf cannabis, but i got pretty darn good caring for 'the girls' (female plants)... with that bit of confidence found from a few years of producing indoor vegetation i'm all about producing some of our own nutritional calories, and our next home must have some space to grow what we can, and raise some critters that produce food as well... i have a lot to learn about farming, but couldn't be anymore excited to get cracking on some 'backyard homesteading' wherever we end up next... i could do without some of the odors that surround many farms, but it might be a small price to pay to live a sustainable lifestyle... anyhow... good essay R. Malone, i really appreciated this one.  --  ct
03-08-23:  i like this guy Harrison's substack 'Political Ponerology', this most recent post is something that i want to comment on, but i don't time to, got to run, so consider this a plce-holder that i'll re-visit after some chores, just more experienced-based theory on a couple of topics... in the meantime, here's the link to his post, give it a read.  --  ct
03-05-23:  i don't have much to write about, but the weekend has been enjoyable, a bunch of yesterday's snow has melted-off in today's 40-and-sunny conditions, got a couple of chores done, a bunch of reading, shoveled the driveway for a bit (first time my wrist has really hurt in over a week now), the girls are out doing some fun things together, and i'm sipping some lemon-ginger tea that's spot-on--really good--almost perfect... i've got some medical things to attend to this week, looks like i've got several torn 'soft tissue' things in a few different body parts that are causing much of the pain and limitations, the first body part will be attended to in a month or so, i think they want an MRI with dye/contrast to be more accurate in the shoulder, but i've only read crude ortho med-language reports for the shoulder and wrist... damn, i'm not in my prime anymore, that's a rude awakening/reckoning/realization... so dealing with old injuries that i've tried to ignore for quite sometime makes a guy wish that i was more persistent with the doctors when i first started feeling the re-occurring pain, i don't know how they don't make MRI's standard operating procedure with any joint injury, x-rays are SOP, but MRIs require additional approval and more time/delay in finding the damaged tissue.
03-04-23:  lots of snow today, i'll be contending with it shortly... here's a BP-check 09:47 (am) left 144/82, right 147/84, left 144/88, and the pulse was between 72-79 BPM during the check, i was seated and relaxed, quiet room free of stressors or stimuli... if i start logging the BP here i won't have to guess when i'm asked what it was the last time i had it checked... this company that the VA contracts to do exams wants me to go to an office that's about 45 minutes away two days in a row to check my BP, i can tell you right now that if i have to drive 45 minutes there and back for two days in a row the BP is going to be elevated, very fvcking elevated, all they have to do is look at my VA medical records and search for BP you'll have plenty of results to analyze, anyhow, i'm not looking forward to distracted driver riddled highways to get to the locations that i'd rather not go to unarmed, and i don't have a LTC for MA anymore... so i'll begin daily recordings from the comfort of my home for the time-being.  --  ct
03-03-23:  weird sleep, it's 05:20 and i've been up for hours, and now i'm going back to bed for maybe an hour or two  --  ct

03-03-23 later:  had an echo-cardiogram today, i think i'm good, but have to wait for report... if the technician noticed that i was pretty close to death would she have told me as much, or said something like 'make the most of my next/last 72-hrs', or would she wait for my PCP to tell my family what probably happened, next week?  anyways, she didn't mention any concerns, so maybe i'll make it past the weekend, or maybe she punted to my PCP to break the bad news... he-hee... this much i know, i have a pulse, so i'm good--for now... i think the results/findings will say something like 'clearly unconditioned over-weight middle-aged male presents in good spirits, and an eagerness/willingness to assist in anyway to make the procedure go as quickly as possible'... hearts, hmph, the things we take for granted because we don't regularly see them, like a big contracting pump in our chest, our life-sustaining manifold, the old ticker... the technician didn't offer any prayer, or last-minute advice, so i think i'm good to go, i'll sip some vino and offer a salute to the ECG lady as i head into the weekend... the VA folks want to get continual day's BP, so today i opened my heart to them (ECG), and the BP clocked-in at 150/70 today at the hospital, that's pretty good for me.  --  ct
03-02-23: this video is good for military folks that served during/after gulf war of 1991, the guy and the doctor cover some great topics, but he doesn't mention ingesting pills, he just mentions getting both shoulders jabbed full of God-know's-what... some of the guys that i served, as well as me, also recall taking various pills, daily one's, and also jabs when we arrived in theater, not just pre-deployment jabs... anyways, i've dealt with all of the systems and symptoms mentioned in the video, just not to exceedingly debilitating degrees that some folks have, i suppose some of the ptsd sorts of things are counted as debilitating, but i didn't deal with anything bad enough that i was on a hospital bed because of any of the symptoms, or having supplemental oxygen, etc... some guys/gals got some really severe/nasty symptoms, i consider myself blessed in many respects, and didn't get things nearly as bad as some folks did, i think the chronic pain was prior to ODS, and ptsd as well, there were a few occasions in ODS that were a bit traumatic, and then there is the impacted moral-grief too, but if toxin exposures or bad jabs worsened anything that i had going on, or if toxins changed me more than i really understand, well that just sucks, i really don't need anymore handicaps in life, i've got plenty on my own to overcome as it is, but there really ought to be much more transparency and education about the toxins that folks were exposed to, even if the toxins were under the guise of vaccinations, folks really need to understand that, when you are young and resilient and can take on the world you don't think a whole lot about things that can cause long-term harm, say--for instance--how much an emergency-authorized rapidly created experimental serum could potentially harm you in the long-run/term... the truth/thing they don't tell enlistees is that you are more or less lab-rats/experiments for theoretically sound principles (this should help that)... anyways, the video is pretty good, just curious if he got the pre-antrax or the pre-nerve agent pills/shots too, was it just those of us that ingested those things that got gulf-war illness... anyhow, we have a great country that is worth defending, we need strong capable people to defend it, but those capable yet naive folks should be experimented on, that's just not very nice now, is it?  --  ct
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