05-11-24 UPDATE:  the draft below will be updated next week, i've made a few changes based on manuscript feedback, which was very minimal so far... the longer i wait between self-editing sessions the more i keep changes words and structure... i'm writing this to write, not because i have to for anything, so i'm comfortable with it's content, despite it's imperfections; it's basically the first of a series, so this book is like the table of contents/primer for other books in the series, which will expand on each chapter and theory... but this book is a solid stand-alone, and should be helpful for many people on it's own, with God's blessing.  I'll find out on Monday how much the extra editing service will cost, if it's manageable i'll give them the updated draft that i'm working on right away, and let the pros run with it, and then i'll update this page with that version... the content is solid, but i'm a novice-writer with a ton of blind-spots, and lost the desire to adhere to rules of grammar, call me a dummy and you might be write ;-) anyhow, just wanted to give an update, it ought to be pretty good after the pros do that voo-doo that they do, and then i make a bunch of changes that i probably don't really want to change, but probably ought to... i might have a shit-ton of home-work to do when they get back to me, but i don't really know how this goes... cheers  --  chris


  It’s my intent for this essay to be a small book, and a foundation of sorts for a small-group therapy. Technically it’s already an electronically protected ‘publication’ here -- on substack, where I will continue to make updates.

  It might not be a surprise to the reader that I hit rock-bottom just as the covid-attack hit the USA. After a ton of unemployment, reading, reflection, some talk and self-therapy, I wanted to share some useful information to others about some of the things that I have learned.

  A couple of years after my crisis-period, our family began attending an old local-church with their new occupants (hey Just Church), when we began a small-group study discussing issues revolved around ‘recovery’ (which is literally the beginning of everyone’s ‘resurrection-story’), and I felt inspired to work on this… this should not be confused with already-established materials, it’s just my take on helping folks who are stuck in time/history.

  There will be some things near the beginning which many folks won’t want to ponder, but if you can manage to get past a few uncomfortable paragraphs, I promise you will find some baby in the bathwater, and be better prepared for your future, and better health.

  This essay is already published ‘as is’ on some internet platforms (like Substack), but I’ll lighten-up a little on the ‘political stuff’, and the terse words when shaping it for a printed group-study.  The reader should not be confused with some of my jokes or words (ladies be warned), because I seldom write with a Christian-approved/assumed vocabulary, style, or audience… I’m just a regular guy that doesn’t limit my audience to other nice people that refuse to communicate like almost everyone else around us. As much as I like the concept, I don’t — and never have — lived in an insulated-commune.

  With that set-up, I hope you find the contents beneficial for your overall good health, and enjoy.

Reconciling Post-Traumatic Confusion


Resolving Faulty Perceptions of Reality for Better Health


H3 to 3:3


“The Truth Shall Set You Free”


  This is simply a ‘self-help’ sort of book; the older you are the more you’ll probably consider this a bunch of helpful reminders, reminders to help get as healthy as possible in our body, mind, and soul (H3). The health of our H3 components expand and contract during various seasons, and throughout our lives; but all must be maintained and exercised in order to reach homeostasis (H:3) and remain healthy… atrophy sets in must faster than we typically expect.

  No matter what our stressors, turmoil, trials, obstacles might be; no matter how short-term or impacted unhealthy/contracting stress/experiences have negatively impacted our lives, or the lives of others; proper/adequate self-reflection and awareness requires us to resolve the grieving-symptoms of denial, anger, bargaining, depression to regain H:3 on our journey to acceptance/reconciliation of what we lost, forfeited, or was stolen, in order to fully embrace reality, find new meaning and purpose, in order to exercise our gifts/talents/tools/resources to self-actualize (3:3), and to sustainably minister/help others to do the same.

  If it’s hard to make sense of this forward, no worries… the rest of the book will explain it better than a page or two… but come back and read this section again from time to time, it’ll make more sense the more you read. If you are pretty healthy then you can probably read through this book to help you calibrate/tune-up, but if you know you’ve been struggling for a bit, then maybe consider this a primer/introduction to talk-therapy, and maybe get you ready for some professional counseling; or consider going through this book in a small group of like-minded people who wish to get more healthy, by being active-participants in our own lives, recovery, healing, and expansion. There are areas to take notes as thoughts come to your mind, I recommend using them, and maybe even get yourself a notebook to expand as time allows.  Cheers -- Chris


  Look, I hate beating around the bush, so I’m just going to jump right in, and say that I’m one of those unlucky/lucky folks who has experienced several sources, and types of trauma beginning at a pretty young age.   The negative ‘affects’ of trauma seem to come and go, sometimes the symptoms are nastier than others, and, other-times last for longer seasons/duration. The events which led to, or, ‘inflicted’ the traumas can trigger many responses, most fall under our 'Fight, Flight, or Freeze responses' (3F) which most people already know plenty about, and can probably mention some examples which triggered those responses in our own lives. Sometimes, single events, or prolonged periods of abuse, impart both pain and confusion, and maybe some unhealthy behavior/actions, and possibly safety/defense-mechanisms that we employ to help survive the reality of our confusing and painful experiences / moments / seasons. Seasons of depression, or, emotional-turmoil / impacted-grief, offer many opportunities to repeat the 3F-reactions, via. thoughts, words, and actions... sometimes all three simultaneously. Freeze is the time spent in grief, we remain partially 'frozen' as we 'run' from reality, but our Flight isn't just running from reality, because we also Fight, we 'fight' against logical things that we already know but haven't fully reconciled against our understanding of what life 'should' be like vs. reality.

  Some folks who appeciate me don't care for the way that I describe myself, not just when I playfully state the obvious--that I’m a post middle-aged, unconditioned, balding guy, who's a year or two from sporting my own genuine 'Santa-beard'--but, also the various ways that I typically warn/tell the reader that i'm not a professional anything; however, I have been labeled certain things by other people's criteria, such as a polymath INTJ-T that's a bit smarter than average. I’ve earned zero certificates, degrees, or licenses for anything relevant to this article, I’m just some guy that thinks about this stuff a lot; I have to, because its relevant/personal, and now that I’m feeling healthy again, I think I understand enough about some of these concepts covered in this paper, at least enough that I’m comfortable sharing my current understanding with You. With that understanding, I challenge the reader to research anything that I write, I know you’re smart, so exercise that noggin of yours... my intent is to just explain some information the way that I currently understand it, in order to stimulate that wonderful brain of yours, that precious-gift that we so often take for granted... so don't take my words for granted! I want You to look into some of these principles / concepts / opinions on your own, too... your health probably requires it.

  Sometimes, while trying to survive our unique/personal, and figurative 'sh1t-storms' -- we need something to remind us about some of the things that we might be forgetting, maybe forgetting again. When our brain's are stuck in one of these negative-loops, or, survival-mode, we start taking our eyes off the possibilities that only the future will offer, we are stuck in history/time... frozen, figuratively 'imprisoned'. It's my intent to try to remind you of a few things that maybe you forgot, things I had forgotten while navigating my own 'dung-deluge'.   So, no need to ask for my credentials, I don't have any... I just took some decent advice from some decent folks who helped guide me back closer to reality, and a future with a hopeful outcome, and I’m beginning to understand some of that process now.

  The therapist that I worked with back in 2022-23 (hey Jesse) knew that I like to read, now that I’m able to do so again [1]; and he suggested some decent books / authors / information to consume. The two authors that ministered the most to me, via. their published observations, were A. Maslow (Maslow’s pyramid/hierarchy), and E. Kubler-Ross... together you get 'human needs/motivators', along with 'cycles of grief'. D. Kessler took Elisabeth's (Kubler-Ross) observations of people that were dying, and added 'Finding Meaning', which is for the survivor's, the folks who are left to process the grief/loss, but still have potential of a continued, meaningful, and healthy life to live. Folks who study neurobiology can explain some of the chemical, and physical things which host our thoughts, and the physical reactions that occur in our grey matter / brain / melon, but much of the 'actual' processes involve things which we can't see... such as our unique 'equation of our perception of reality'. Meta-physics, and our understanding of — and connection to — our creator/source, is a huge part of that equation too. Humans aren't a bunch of physical ingredients blended in the perfect ratios, sequences, and procedures... most folks who dwell in reality understand as much. C. Langan has become one of the authors that I also appreciate, with his CTMU meta-formal structure of reality, which encompasses that which is seen, as well as that which we logically comprehend, but are physically 'unseen'. I also appreciate the work of the authors whose observations were cataloged in the publication known as The Holy Bible, but can't really give them all their proper recognition, because many of those authors are assumed. Drawing from principles, and laws, which have been brilliantly-articulated by many of these folks, and others, I’ll attempt to offer the reader some of the understanding — that hard-earned understanding — that comes with experience, and decent mentorship, that some awesome-people were willing to share with me. I find it unfortunate that many folks don't like to freely-share useful, and relevant information... after-all, humans helping humans are one of the positive-energies that might help the world go around, so to speak. Given my background, I can only draw from my own experiences, and understanding — from the experiences of other people that I knew, love, and witnessed; and the information that I have consumed from various books, articles, and videos of some actual pros. For a guy that's a bit smart, I don't actually memorize things very well, so I typically try to understand concepts / principles / logic first, not fancy/technical words — that's sort of my 'learning style' — but, sometimes some fancy words that I don’t use very often will slip-out, so, my apologies in advance.  

  Whether trauma shaped me into the person that I am is for others to speculate/theorize; but I am a rather fierce protector of sorts, maybe a bit 'sheep-dog/shepherd-like'... I despise seeing bullies, and/or, people who are too smart for their own good take advantage of other people. The anger, and passion that present in some of my examples will be clear to the Reader; but, you might want to consider that — personality-type, and aptitude aside — I’m also a Veteran of the USA Army, and I know how to fight... physically, intellectually/psychologically, and spiritually; therefore, I make no apologies for any statements that follow; and, for the sake of this essay, let's call some of it 'tough love', and an exhortation for people who are immersed in the World-Gov't, and Social cults to wake-up from their spiritual-stupor, and reconcile their thoughts, words, and actions... behavior.


Pain-Induced Trauma

  Traumas come in all shapes and sizes, but, most of us who experience some of life's more nasty moments of potential and reality, don't love to talk about them, until we realize that we have to... some trauma includes physical-pain, physical-abuse, even what most folks would consider prolonged 'torture'; however, unless you work in an emergency-room, it's clear that trauma isn't a purely 'physical' representation of an event, symptoms of psychological-trauma exist where physical-scars cannot be seen, those symptoms are embedded within 'the mind', and when left untreated, it can infect 'the soul' as well. Some trauma is a convergence of negative affects from body, to mind, to our souls... it's a chain-reaction of energy which passes from physical to meta-physical. When the hurting-soul, or the confused-mind present physical symptoms, which can be detrimental to a patient's health, many doctors will prescribe an Rx, a pill, a man-made laboratory-contrived molecule/therapy to relieve the worse symptoms of what's become a negative 'physical-affect'. Similar to some exceedingly-compromised, over-inflated governments, which become emboldened and creative in their ways to exert control over other people, while using other people's money and resources to do so, and become a gargantuan-sized parasitic-beast... trauma, in itself, can become a continual cycle of negative-energy, which goes from physical, to meta-physical, and then back physical once again, which can cause more emotional distress, as 'emotional symptoms' turn back into various new 'physical conditions'... a negative-loop of potential-draining/sapping energy, which must be broken in order for the victim to self-actualize... to no longer remain stuck in lateral 'survival mode', but to reclaim/turn the negative events into upward positive 'thriving' — whatever that might look like to the individual — and, to be useful to Creator and Creation. Just as terrorists and abusers can become emboldened, and grow into beasts, the remnants of trauma can become it's own parasitic-infection, which continually feeds off of its victim, sapping life, energy, and potential from its host.

  There is one other point that I wanted to make along this subject, which is that most people have a healthy amount of empathy. A person who witnesses attacks, or the aftermath of terrorism, or brutality, may also share some of the grief that the victims / patients / deceased experienced... it's more than what folks call 'survivor's guilt', it's actual effects of witnessing the aspects of evil, or terrible accidents. Repeat-abusers are psychopaths, so it's perfectly normal for the rest of humanity to feel strong emotions experiencing loss. First-responders, military folks, Emergency-room technicians, victim-advocates, clergy, and therapists are professionals who probably absorb much emotional-empathy and grief that even they may have difficulty processing their thoughts and emotions; many of those professionals seek therapy/counseling over the course of their careers to remain healthy enough to do their difficult jobs.

  I don't think there is much that I have to offer the reader — which isn't already obvious — regarding physical-trauma, or abuse, or terrorism... as it doesn't take long after mentioning any of those words without recalling, or imagining those things within your own mind, and how unsettling those thoughts are within a normal-person's soul. The point of this article isn't to trigger a hurting, and unhealthy person, so no need to speak about history; but, for those who remain troubled by some of history's worst moments, you will reconcile them in time, and be an ‘effective’ force for humanity as healing permits, and self-actualization emerges from old confusing history.


Trauma Induced Confusion

  Trauma doesn't just inflict pain and rob us of positive-potential, it can cause a chain-reaction of distraction and confusion (chaos), negatively-impacting important things like one's holistic-health, including our sense of self-worth, esteem, confidence, trust... sometimes, our entire sense-of-self  is 'confused'. Trauma may even yield a full ontological-shock, something which causes us to begin questioning everything about life as we know it; which, sometimes is the beginning of spiritual and intellectual awakening/wisdom; therefore, sometimes exceedingly-beneficial when we have reconciled reality, time, and experience.

  One example of this principle, that I can draw from very recent history, is a path of physical and psychological destruction, which preceded, and followed, the release of a bio-weapon against humanity, which proponents of biological-warfare like to call ‘research’, essentially making germs more deadly not knowing how their newly manipulated monsters will be used by their sponsors. Since most folks don't know what biological weapons really are, people adopted a less-severe label/name for it, which we'll simply call 'covid-19', a tiny/microscopic laboratory-weaponized danger which we cannot really see. You may recall some of the words and actions used by various agents of terror / chaos / confusion, who utilized tactics outlined by Sun Tzu, Karl Marx, and DARPA... 'Psychological Warfare'. I assume that professionals can define that term far more eloquently than I can, so I simply call it 'the intentional, calculated, premeditated, and systematic actions of screwing with people's heads, minds, and thoughts to not only 'confuse' and ‘abuse’, but also to 'control', to brain-wash, manipulate people, with repeated suggestions, and narrative on ubiquitous ‘screens’... or, maybe it could be shortened to something like 'exploiting known aspects of human-nature, and psychology to suggest a distorted perception of reality, to manipulate victim's actions, thus exerting psychopathic control over other people.' You might recall a story in The Bible's first book 'Genesis' – you know -- the one about a snake in a garden, and how it used suggestive-deceit against people; a more modern-day example might be something like 'that laptop has all of the characteristics of Soviet interference'... that snake-story might just be some blue-print of 'how the devil/evil works'.  

  Many of the actions from such abusers/agents of chaos included immoral-tactics such as 'demands mixed with fear'… aka ‘fear-porn’... 'you must do what we tell you to do, or you will die, can’t travel, be ostracized, refused medical-care, or imprisoned'... as well as the 'projection' of the aggressor's actions upon their victims… 'YOU are the problem, what's wrong with you, you're an idiot, why don't you get with the program', aka 'gas-lighting'... those examples of psychological-abuse and manipulation may help a person understand what Marx taught his 'revolutionary' terrorists, the mantra of 'accuse your enemy of what you are doing, while you are doing it, to cause confusion'. Other examples of sowing distracting chaos and confusion can also be recognized during the same time-period... illogical/paradoxical suggestions and statements such as 'boys can be girls, and girls can be boys'... and, 'we are the government, we are better equipped, to raise/shape/brainwash children, parents simply aren't capable of caring for their kids, and don't deserve their God-given rights and responsibilities'... one big, and especially divisive one was 'white people are automatically racists, and no other race practices forms of competitive-tribalism'... or maybe this clear example of projection, 'people who won't blindly-follow/obey government's orders are a threat to democracy' (i know, it's a perfect example of a paradox from a representative government when you stop to think about it)... I’m sure you can think of more examples, these are just some low-hanging fruit that come to mind at the moment.

  Even people who did not die, or, know people who died from the biological-agent/attack, were still negatively-impacted physically (forced-isolation, supply-chain issues, inability to earn income), and psychologically, because psychological-warfare methods/tactics have been studied as science for thousands of years, and are well-known to be effective forms of terrorism, abuse, and manipulation; and many of these psychological-warfare tactics were successfully executed with precision via. ‘ubiquitous screens', and repetition from compromised – or ignorant ‘influencers’... there should be no speculation/questions left unanswered as to why there was a huge spike in violence, and mental-health problems during the covid-assault against humanity, because the assault was designed to do so... and it was very effective, to say the least; the assault made way to manipulate billions of people to take part in a large-scale pharmaceutical study of un-proven technology, crippled a thriving economy, prevented an elected-leader from assuming their position, and caused a greater division within the country that I call home... since 'a house divided cannot stand', America's 'frenemies' have been using that logical/biblical truth to tame the beast that the American government has become; and 'yes', the actions of some of our 'government's employees' has warranted an ego-taming... as a nation, we have become compromised in our minds and souls, and have been paying the price for it.

  In addition to various militaries (Tzu, DARPA, etc.), and political strategists (Marx, the USA's ruling political-party, and compromised/splintered factions of our government, 'deep-state'), there are many types of predators who utilize various aspects of 'mind-control', while inflicting terror, abuse, and trauma.   We see similar actions and results from various abusers, such as the ‘cause and affect’ of battered-children, or battered-spouse 'syndromes' by maniacal-terrorists, as well as tactics from various tribes, and cults throughout history. Pathological-abusers (criminally insane and/or possessed individuals) are variables, so are the victims... but, their goal is always the same, to feed their own pathologically warped-ego and desires, by manipulating victims, through means of physical, and/or, psychological-abuse to control. Exerting control and power over other people is the common denominator, but the means are different. I can speak to this type of 'cause and affect' as a person who survived many years of child-abuse, and then military 'conditioning' for a few years after leaving home, and dealt with decades of ensuing depression, anxiety, low-motivation, and distorted perception of self and reality. However, if we look back at the covid-weapon against humanity, we can see that blue-prints of both 'biological AND psychological' warfare-strategies were combined; the manipulated virus/biologic is the physical, and the abusers attempted distortions of reality, fear-tactics, and their delusional-projection is the psychological-attacks/abuse. In this example, the premeditated form of pathological-abuse was executed upon billions of people; and the successful manipulation of trillions being the end result, after-all, everyone was negatively affected by the covid-bug, or, our policy-maker's (ultra-hyper-mega activists / influencers / tools / puppets) response to it. Illogical, and distorted perceptions of reality echoed by compromised-influencers of all types, using fear, isolation, accusational-abuse in highly aggressive campaigns; to cause ontological-shock, forfeiture of freedoms, disillusioned sense of reality, to conform to the abuser's intent, and to remain trapped/imprisoned, and 'distracted' from reality; and, to prevent people from self-actualization for as long as possible as America’s freedoms and resources are plundered. The 'business model' of habitual-abusers is to essentially place you, and keep you in a figurative 'matrix', prison. The business-plan of the abusers is the complete opposite of how I understand the mission of the actual/historical person known as Jesus, the Nazarene... to restore humanity's relationship to God (His Father), to set people free, that they may live more abundantly, no longer enslaved to their captors / thugs / abusers, and reconciled back to reality, to self-actualize, and be a blessing to humanity/creation, and not an anathema, or, a 'curse' to it... terrorists, abusers, psychotic-predators/policy-makers, and triggered mocking-birds are an anathema to creation, and so are the people who trigger and use them.

  Politics and religion aside, you may be able to 'connect some dots' from the examples presented, and see how various types of trauma are sometimes inflicted by cunning, and predatorial-aggressors... sometimes they might be impromptu/impulsive words and/or actions, but predominantly premeditated, after the abusers/predators have studied their victims, and have devised a plan to abuse, violate, manipulate, control them... true predators study their victims, and pounce when they have determined an opportune time to execute/exercise their psychopathy… it's mostly premeditated. It’s my understanding that ending cycles of trauma-induced dysfunction, and enslavement, requires the victim to realize that we were victimized / tricked / beaten-down, how that abuse and/or trauma has affected us ever since, a determination to recover and get as healthy as possible, and goals to not only escape from the physical, psychological, and spiritual imprisonment, but also to fight, a fight to reclaim assets, and any aspect of mind, time, and reality which the abusers, sickos, and psychos literally stole from us; and then to self-actualize, or, become ‘the best version of ourselves’... the paths to achieve these goals are as unique as we are, but all require determination, effort, and fight; laziness (pre-contemplation / contemplation) keeps one stuck in figurative 'neutral'... but, braking the bondage of figurative — or, literal — imprisonment, requires the effort to become active-participants in our recovery, and to fight back against the abusers/aggressors, and/or, identify, reclaim, reconcile what was lost during our form of imprisonment, including emotional-health; followed with being more mindful/deliberate in our thoughts and actions, and how we interact with, and navigate life with respect to our various environments, and other people (creation).

  One important detail on my road to recovering the potential which was taken from me — which came to light only very recently — is breaking the negative-loop/cycle of the 'narrative' that has polluted my thoughts, and judgement for decades, aka, negative and re-occurring thoughts. Any effective means of terrorism, or abuse, induces a sense of helplessness, and negative perceptions of self… people often use the word 'shame' many times when describing feelings associated with trauma, or their own words and actions. After the shock of being victimized, we exhibit/present a normal-person's emotional response, an emotion that the abuser was lacking in their psychopathy; a psychotic-person's words and/or actions infect our mind and soul, sowing both ‘pain and confusion’, because the act itself was criminally insane. In my case, a negative inner-voice/narrative has been a constant, it was suggested / implanted from a very young age... it was projected from an overwhelmed low-IQ person who had no idea how to properly function in reality, or how to communicate with me, or life’s circumstances... 'you are an idiot'... 'you can't do anything right'... 'you'll never amount to anything'... 'you can't do that'... many of those statements delivered loudly and angrily, accompanied with enraged physical-abuse to re-enforce the degradation and to implant the abusers ‘lesson’; effectively brain-washed long before I understood the reality of my situation… something tells me that they were probably subjected to similar abuse in their past, sometimes these things are negative ancestral-cycles. Psychological, and Physical-abuse can imprint decades, maybe a lifetime of dysfunction upon it's victim, it's a prison of shame and confusion, which the victim must escape, on our journey to apply effective-use of our own/unique and 'actual' gifts and resources, to close the cycle of abuse by turning a huge-negative (abuse / trauma) into a positive, by using that nasty-education learning about 'abuse of intelligence and free-will', and maybe for helping others instead of remaining an eternal victim... taking negative experiences, and turning them around for positive purposes might just be some unconventional/funky kind of 'net-gain', maybe a ‘resurrection story’ of sorts.

  Thoughts which facilitate a logical course of action, correcting something negative that we were about to do (Do NOT, put that second sugar in the coffee) are exceedingly helpful, and necessary in life. Thoughts which discourage, and/or, prevent a person from becoming, and staying healthy are the one's which are illogical, those are negative-loops, open-equations, and a figurative matrix/prison which we still haven't completely escaped, reclaimed, or, resolved. One statement that I made to a person at church recently (hey Tony), was that 'i'm my own worst critic', to which he replied, 'you know that you have to forgive yourself, too... right?' ... 'Yes', Tony... 'yes'. This statement offered by a brother was a catalyst to do some more deep-diving into the concept of 'forgiveness'.   In my case, I had already forgiven most of my abusers for the acts of abuse (at least the ones I remember, selective-memory survival-mechanisms are weird, and must be resolved), however, I didn't realize the negative consequences, and self-destructive thoughts, words, and actions, and lack of confidence which still gripped me several decades later. I had come to understand aspects of criminal-psychopathy, and the things that insane, and/or 'possessed' people do when they forfeit/abandon self-control, and entertain their psychopathy, but I did not understand all the consequences that I had somehow ‘empathetically inherited' from the abuse. I had no idea that long after forgiveness was settled, that there were still deep-seated dysfunction on my part, and most of which were the repetitive words of shame, and confusion that I repeated to myself, for decades later, words and thoughts which abusers would sow, and eventually sprouted and flourished — like some kind of ugly 'Chia-pet', or, like flies on feces... and convinced me that a holistically healthy future was a fool's errand, an impossible dream, a waste of time and energy, and simply not worth pursuing... these unhealthy thoughts and patterns were evidence of effective brain-washing, and unresolved pain/grief/torment... I had no concept of the word 'potential', and that the future is full of potential; potential for good and positive things, just as every interaction has the potential for negative and bad outcomes. This paper is simply a collection of thought-processes which were instrumental in helping me to reconcile some confusion, and parts of me that were still stuck in history, time, and difficult experiences.


Reconciling Time / History

  I used to live by the mantra 'just rub dirt on it, and get back to work' (which I learned in the Army, go figure); which seems to be a philosophy spread from a psycho to their victim; it's a statement designed to gas-light someone who requires healing, suggesting / imparting / transferring one person's illogical state of denial, and psychopathy to another person, which prevents us from addressing a real problem, or wound, and it forces everyone out of reality, and into a false/virtual-reality suggested by the psycho. This seems to be the case for many health-care professionals too, folks who are enslaved to company-policy instead of investigating and fixing root-problems. I make mention of that to say that 'kicking a can' down the road, or 'punting a ball' into the middle of a lake, are irresponsible behaviors/actions, which never attempt to resolve actual problems, and offer nothing but unfruitful denial of reality, and the dispensing of endless molecules to ease some symptoms. Gas-lighting, and/or, lazy health-care professionals are much like the politicians who pay 'lip-service' to actual  problems, and then occupy their time, energy, and tax-payer’s resources toward their sponsor's requests/demands instead. It wasn't until I became more aware of some of my problems that I began to be a better advocate for my own health needs and concerns… putting blind-faith in a healthcare-professional, and assuming that they actually know what's best for you, and actually do what's best for you, without really knowing the cause of your problem is just as sketchy as placing one's blind-faith in the hands of a cult-leader, it's like a forfeiture of the mind.

  To properly reconcile the events which inflicted trauma/impacted-grief, it is impossible to deny that something bad/unexpected happened (crushed expectations), and that ensuing problems/negative-affects do not exist. Denial is a 'defense-mechanism' which prevents people from embracing reality, it's also a sub-conscious 'survival-instinct' which helps a person to keep limping / moving / surviving after experiencing shocking-stressors. To return to, and embrace reality, we must move past the therapeutic-stage known as 'pre-contemplation'; this stage is where an unhealthy person is aware that they have some issues to deal with, but are firmly planted in 'denial' of their dysfunctional thoughts/words/actions, it's a wall/chasm, which prevents us from wanting to feel vulnerable and/or pain again. To properly embrace reality it might be helpful to consider the laws associated with 'cause and affect', and that 'every action has an equal, but opposite re-action'. Just like the concept of ‘good and bad’ potential, those principles are logical when we stop to consider them, but seem to escape us the more busy, distracted, and sub-consciously/unconsciously we traverse our environments, go about our routines/habits, and begin to forget about other important things, too; sometimes things such as self-care, mood/peace, hygiene, nutrition, hydration, sleep, chronic issues, isolation, etc.

  When we understand that traumatic-events happened in the past, the concept of 'reconciling time and history' reveals it's priority in recovering the potential that was once taken. You probably have much more clarity about those experiences, now that we've had some time to think about them; we are older, and more wise now, and have a larger perspective of reality to recall the events, and how they may have 'affected' our own thoughts, words, actions, relationships, bad-habbits, behaviors, expectations and assumptions, our sense of self, and our perception of reality... to recover and overcome is to understand ‘cause and affect’, determination, and to be determined/mindful about reclaiming our holistic-health. To reconcile historic-events, we simply allow ourselves to be vulnerable to experiencing some moments of pain once again, not to dwell on unresolved emotions/grief and be controlled by them, but to simply accept the reality of the event, that we were hurt, and may have even negatively projected our own hurt-feelings toward others. Sometimes, history is doomed to repeat itself, until we understand the gravity of the traumas, learn from it, break the cycle of that negative-loop, and reclaim the potential that ugly-history robbed, and once owned.

  I've heard and read conflicting information regarding various stages of talk-therapy, however; the best therapist in the world (my biased opinion based on experience and results) mentioned four of them to me, the fifth I learned in due time. Patients generally move from one therapeutic-stage to others, and sometimes we can 'teeter-totter' back and forth between a couple of them; the four steps that I will mention are:



  Pre-contemplation and Contemplation are for little kids, but when we actually want to heal, when we actually want to get better, when we actually want to reclaim the potential which was lost in time/history — which prevents us from self-actualizing, and operating with more of our potential — and we come to understand that we must take personal-ownership and to be deliberate in getting well; and we make the commitment to resolve the negative-effects, and possibly dysfunctional thoughts, words, deeds, and relationships which maybe have been trapped/imprisoned by acts of selfishness, and evil... then we graduate from the pre-cognitive steps of 'pre-contemplation', and 'contemplation'. That’s when we understand that we have an active role in our own recovery, and healing... that's when we become 'active-participants' on our road to becoming more healthy in our souls, minds, and the rest of our body. Far too many people are content to remain robbed and broken, by continually riding a figurative 'see-saw' on the outer-edges of reality, basking in dysfunction, and playing the role of an eternal 'victim'... This publication is not for those who wish to remain 'pre-cognitive' victims, this thesis is meant for those who wish to fight their way back to reality, and to reconcile/reclaim the aspects of your holistic-health which may currently be lacking… starting with our bodies.


Reconciling The Body

  Depending on the severity, and duration of the negative ‘affects’ of trauma / neglect / atrophy, and any negative forms of self-medicating that we may have done to assist us in our survival-mode, we can go through seasons of grief, depression, low energy, and motivation. One thing that I’ve noticed during seasons of depression, is that my own personal-hygiene, health, and priorities shift from a base-line of 'normal', to something we’ll call 'survival mode' priorities, which are sometimes called 'instinctual behaviors'. Survival-mode priorities seek to only satisfy the most minimal of our physiological needs/requirements that our 'body', and limited functioning 'minds' dictate / direct / guide. When we are functioning at high-levels, which are generally closer to us utilizing our 'actual potential', most of the things that we say, or do, seem logical to most intelligent people, or, a 'jury of our peers'; the same can't be said for the words, actions, or deeds of ill-people who require healing, and are stuck back in a matrix/negative-loop... we start to require more care, and assistance from people who are operating with greater function, and sometimes people that we refer to as 'specialists'.  Sometimes, specialists are able to help us re-adjust, or, regulate normal bodily-functions. One of the concerns for specialists that may help with our 'minds' and 'souls' is to make sure that we are healthy in our 'bodies', as well.

  One of the things that I appreciate about Abraham Maslow's publications is his theory — and classification — of human needs, desires, motivators. Some of you may remember 'Maslow's Pyramid', or his 'Hierarchy of Needs', etc... well, I didn't… which is one of the reasons why I appreciated Jesse's (the therapist) recommendation during my exceedingly educational experience of being under his mentorship / care / trust. It seems that part of a decent therapist's job is to help educate, or, re-educate people about some important things that we may have forgotten during our time in crisis, or survival-mode. If you consider Maslow's contributions toward humanity, you will easily find most of our 'physical/physiological' needs clearly presented, and ALL of them are readily available in a healthy eco-system/environment, you probably remember these 'requirements', because they are common sense to a healthy individual:



  Human's 'physiological requirements' are necessary 'ingredients' that our physical bodies consume, utilize/process, excrete; and keep us at healthy temperatures, moving, functional, healthy, and sustainable. These 'needs' are all things that 'nature', or 'creation', or a thoughtful 'Creator' provides for us, even when we were in our mother's wombs. If our mother is in good health, and being mindful about maintaining her health, then 'nature' -- or, an 'Intelligent Creator/God' -- has provided a developing baby with a warm, safe, and comfortable environment / climate / shelter. We are offered as much time to rest / recover / sleep as a developing baby requires, during our nine months to bloom. Budding young children are naturally provided the hydration, and nutrition that we require by means of an umbilical-cord — if mom is a great cook, and eats what she prepares, it’s my theory that we might get subconsciously 'spoiled' before we realize it :-) An Intelligent Designer/Creator also provides oxygen to His/Her children in a very-special way that tender-young lungs and skin require, and provides all of the proper hygiene to keep us free of excrement, and other things that fully developed children will learn how to manage on our own as we get older… we move in the wound, but as we grow our movement turns into exercise; all provided for by a Creator, and creation, by means of our first best friends, Mom.*

  As we get older, are birthed, the size of our environment automatically expands/increases; and we are no longer provided for 'automatically' as we were designed to be accommodated for as we formed. We age, and grow, and expand, and we learn and become more intelligent, and physically capable of managing more of the requirements which we eventually assume more responsibility for, all in the timing that we are capable of managing our own needs, and venture to do so in ever increasing / larger-sized environments. All healthy cultures around our globe nurture, raise, educate young children, to eventually become relatively self-sufficient in our ability to successfully interact with various sized-environments, or, experiencing / traversing / exploring more of creation, and become capable enough to do so safely (without killing, or maiming ourselves, or having to learn hard-lessons, like time being incarcerated), and to be able to repeat sustainable life-cycles, based on the principles which we were taught, and exercised/applied.

  Langan uses a word-picture of something called a 'conspansive-manifold' in his theory of various aspects of Creator and creation. A metaphor suggests that this manifold has a source (God) of input, and multiple points (people/creation) of output; and to conspand means something is capable of both 'expansion', and 'contraction'. It recently dawned on me that during periods of my depression, isolation, and disassociation, that I 'contract', fall back, or 'retreat' to the smallest sized environment that we think we can handle/manage -- sometimes absent of other people; and, sometimes an 'implosion' that forces us to retreat deep into our souls, with our minds desperately searching for answers to challenges and obstacles that we haven't been able to identify, resolve, or reconcile on our own.

  Many people seem to eventually come to a point where they/their environment / creations / resources / time / responsibilities become too large to where we are not able to properly manage our selves, our resources, our environments, and have difficuly making logical decisions, 'actions and re-actions'… we all get to a place where ‘assume’ that we are capable of ‘multi-tasking’ impossible demands/resistance, an impossible force of resistance which requires our attention… and the body, mind, and soul contracts. We are a holistic being which encompass a body, which we navigate, interact with, exercise, and labor our various environments... we have minds to observe, compute, understand, and adapt to our dynamic-environments, and the rest of creation... and we have individual souls to provide a baseline for knowing good and evil, and a means to provide uneasiness when we are living hypocritically, and joy when we please our God and/or creation, and self-actualize. When any one of those aspects of the human-totality is unhealthy, and requires attention, it can quickly become a chain-reaction of negative energy, and wounds spread throughout our most incredibly intertwined beings... physical can quickly affect the spirit, and either can affect the mind. Either of our major components can snow-ball into more serious health issues affecting the rest of us.

  There probably isn't anything that I can offer the reader, in regards to reclaiming and reconciling our remaining potential, which still exists within our physical structure and the world we are immersed in; probably nothing more than what many other people -- including specialists -- have already written. However, I would like to offer You -- The Reader -- some tips, maybe a bit of advice. Regaining your physical health, in order to live longer, and function at over-all better performance, and still maximizing what's left of your potential; well, it can be as simple, or as complicated as you choose to make it... but, you have to begin somewhere, even if it's simply to begin limiting some unhealthy actions and behaviors/vices, try fasting from the things that we know are wrong for a day or two -- fasting for longer periods of time become easier after we practice more and more, it’s like exercising… or, improving your health may require walking a bit more, trying to drink a bit more water throughout the day; eat smaller portions of better quality and more nutritious foods... an active-participant understands many of their current challenges, and makes pro-active, incremental-steps necessary to resolve as many of our hypocrisies, and paradoxes which remain unresolved within our body, mind, and soul. Some folks might just need to make small incremental steps to better health, and some folks will require 'life-style' changes, maybe a deeper immersion into addressing our dysfunctions to help us 're-calibrate' the unbalanced/unhealthy ratio between our body/mind/soul components… when all three are deeply out of whack, we might need more attention, or special-care. If the environments that you spend significant time in is full of unhealthy particulates/pollution in the air, and you simply don't have clean air to breathe, then your 'life-style change' might involve moving/re-locating. If you are homeless, and without adequate provisions, clothing, bedding, covering then you should consider a life-style change as well, which also might include re-locating, or seeking out help from intelligent and caring people. If you are addicted to unhealthy things you might need a deep-immersion therapy followed by several life-style changes after the heavy treatment/therapy. Those are just some examples of some of the extreme changes that we might have to make in order to become more healthy, and to function better, and closer to reality, on our pursuit to self-actualize. If we are stuck in a negative-loop, consistently making bad decisions while expecting better outcome, repeatedly exposing ourselves to toxins, and other things which we know are infecting/polluting our bodies, minds, and souls, then we probably need to make some life-style changes; and consider the popular definition of ‘insanity’, and whether we fancy-ourselves as continual-victims, or choose to become active-participants in reality once again.

  There aren't too many nuggets that I have to offer the reader regarding improvements to our physical-health, sometimes it might be as simple as taking some supplements, or drinking more water, or moving more, like exercising and resistance-training. We can do a deeper dive on trying to balance our physical health through already known concepts in a smaller group-study, maybe DBT collaborating with some over-comers or specialists; but, for the sake of keeping this thesis short, and sweet, I’ll move right along… to the ole 'noggin'.


Reconciling The Mind

  Do you remember the old advertising-campaign that used the slogan 'a mind is a terrible thing to waste'? Part of me thinks that a tattoo of that should have occupied my arm, both of them, or, anywhere else that would have caught my attention, at least several times per day. Perhaps a solution would have been for all of the girls back in high-school to have 'Your mind is a terrible thing to waste' emblazoned on the front and backs of their shirts... During my last monumental-cycle of grieving, depression, and the rest of the usual symptoms, I had no idea how far my mind was out of alignment with reality. Much of it was occupied with all of my 'failures', things that I could no longer do — or, can no longer do without pain — and the negative thoughts that had been ingrained into my mind as a young’n, every failure seemingly reinforcing a delusional sense of reality. I really had no clue that I had any sort of processing/intellectual gifting until fairly recently, so the brain-washing imparted to me, as a somewhat limited-verbal young boy was effective, and it made perfect sense — that is — if we were to calculate it through a faulty-filter/equation of reality, and simply 'assumed' someone else's ‘opinion’ as reality... you know what they say about opinions, and assumptions? 'Opinions are like butt-holes, everyone has one'... and, to 'assume' you make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'... you know, those things.

  In many respects, I had a major epiphany of my physical body after an accident decades ago, I had to reconcile the fact that I was human, a pretty physically-gifted human that loved to run, exercise, sport, move, and took those abilities for granted until I got banged-up pretty good, and couldn’t do much for a while; I could no longer do many of the things that I used to take for granted, and loved to do. I call it an epiphany, maybe it was just learning that I wasn't God, but a human wrapped in flesh, and that flesh can really hurt sometimes. I call that experience an 'epiphany', but really the epiphany might have been more of a blow to my ego, soul, and mind... that may have been the source of my first bout of major depression, but I don't have the best memory (which might actually be a safety/defense-mechanism in itself). Maybe five or six years later I had another major epiphany, one which required a reconciliation of my soul... since it's just plain WRONG/inappropriate to throw out an early spoiler, I’ll just save that story for the next chapter :-)

  This latest epiphany, 'reconciling my mind' has been the most challenging... in fact, it took twice (literally decades) longer than the other two (sometimes I’m a very slooow-learner).   Our minds are the 'processors' which interpret data collected by our senses, and are constantly resolving our physical reality / environment / creation, as well as our spiritual reality. Our mind's are a significant part of the equation of our totality; they literally process our equation/perception of reality, and what we should do next. Since our mind's help facilitate communication between body and soul, I though it appropriate to sand-which it between the other two major components of our being; and it's a good spot to mention that a faulty processor is like using a calculator which isn't 'calibrated', or, is missing the equal-symbol/key. Much of my struggle in resolving the mind was, in part, due to the chemical-induced lobotomy (which I’m firmly calling it) that I was in for decades, as part of a naive/ignorant 'solution' provided by 'specialists'. Everything in life is a challenge when you are trying to navigate life with a lobotomy, under the influence of molecules which aren’t really solving any problems other than a symptom or two. That chemically-induced lobotomy also came with a chemically-induced castration of sorts, which, still included a sex-drive, but trying to reach an orgasm while under the influence of such molecules required the patience and diligence of saints, on both of our part.

  Molecules and compounds created in laboratories might be helpful for some ailments, but other ailments require 'life-style changes' in order to 'restore homeostasis', or, a baseline of our 'normal' function, and to get back to operating closer to our actual potential, not the limited utility and potential that we present/employ when operating/navigating life with some unresolved aspect of our totality still stuck in denial and survival-mode.   So far, one of the best — and freely/naturally-provided homeopathic therapeutics — which I’ve found in reconciling the mind and soul, is what some people call 'Psilocybin', and/or 'Psilocin'; via a macro-dose of what some people call 'Psilocybe cubensis'. A single-dose of the naturally derived/provided fungi produced far greater results than over a decade's worth of SSRIs and other specialist-prescribed laboratory-derived molecules, which had kept me in a figurative lobotomy, and castrated far too long... that's a lot of time, mind, body, and soul to reconcile, and reclaim; and I give thanks/praise/gratitude to God for naturally providing the therapy for free, and reminding me of it once again... brain-fog is slowly dissipating since the therapy, head-aches are less frequent, memory and sleep are also improving.

  I consumed a similar therapeutic once, about thirty years ago, and had the epiphany of reconciling the soul; and more recently it was instrumental in this latest epiphany, which induced a reconciling of history, and my mind. The therapy seemed to be a few hours of warmth, and enjoyable 'grooviness' (mind/thoughts/intellect), some humor, some tears... but the therapeutic-effects of establishing new neural-pathways/connections, and, providing greater neuro-plasticity (body / physical /physiological), lasts far longer than a few hours of peace, warmth, and relaxation; it seemed to help resolve some of my own paradoxes, as well as restoring peace, and motivation (soul / spirit / meta-physical). This writing-project began a day or two following that therapy, so you can judge the fruits of it's effectiveness for yourself. Don't be fooled by a Dunning-Kruger inflicted, narcissistic government, who makes every attempt to prevent non-elites from self-actualizing... let me put it this way... there are freely available, naturally occurring therapeutics which literally help re-activate parts of your brain, which may currently be dormant. If you can remember a time when you functioned very well, when many things seemed to be easy for you, and you operated with ease and high-efficiency, then you probably are aware of some of your potential, that high-level functioning and efficiency is something which is still waiting for you, it's waiting to be reconciled, and exercised again. Time, atrophy, and deterioration might present challenges and limitations; but, when we reconcile the rest of our totality, we still have the ability to self-actualize in a different capacity... one could title this essay 'what does it look like when an INTJ-T begins to self-actualize'... depending on our passions, interests, motivators, creativity, and available resources — it might be something like assembling, and disseminating useful information to help other people, and helping people in other creative ways too. :-)

  Reconciling our mind back to reality might be just as simple as the steps involved in reconciling/reconditioning our body, there might be simple/little steps to help realize our actual-potential, not our assumed limitations, or grandiosity. Our mind requires exercise, and resistance-training, just like the rest of us. The information that we consume / read / process may help us expand, or contract, depending on the truthfulness, depth, and lexile-level; a person with plenty of potential may limit their intellectual-growth depending on their interests, and whether or not the information they consume is meant for entertainment-value, or meaningful purposes based on reality... meme’s and comic-strips are cute, but far from adequate exercise… it's easy to stay stuck in our potential-draining matrix when survival-mode routines dictate our actions. Reality is that humans are bodies, minds, and spirits; which live in a physical-world, encapsulated by God... if you are not consuming information which helps you to better understand, and positively-impact all aspects of our totality and reality, then we are still running from it, and avoiding it like a soiled-diaper in desperate need of change... entertainment (virtual reality) is enjoyable, can remind us of some important things, and is good in moderation, but reality requires us to embrace it, dwell in it, not to avoid it.

  I'm not suggesting that folks should go consume a bunch of 'shrooms' to try to get healthy/well, just presenting facts to the government-cult, who refuses to accept reality, by immense influence of the pharmaceutical-industry’s symbiotic relationship with government. There is plenty more we could cover in reconciling our minds to reality, there are 'therapies' which may help us, ‘journaling’ (self-help writing-therapy), talk-therapy with a counselor, as well as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapies (DBT)[;] can all certainly help, they all helped me a great-deal; but only when we move past pre-cognitive steps of therapy, and become active-participants in this aspect of life as well. Little steps that we take in reconciling the mind also help to improve our physical-health, our spiritual-health, and our totality as we are capable of greater function which facilitates better decisions; therefore, should not be avoided. I recommend reading lexile-challenging material as often as time, and reality permit... I encourage you to exercise that noggin of yours, beyond work-related material and entertainment… you might not ever understand your true gifts and potential if you grow lazy in this very important aspect of life, your mind is your processor, don't let it be consumed by viruses, painful-history, atrophy, or laziness... a mind truly is a terrible thing to waste, and so is a soul.


Reconciling The Soul

  Most people appreciate, identify with, and express certain religious ideologies, structures, sacraments, rituals, cultures, belief-systems, holy-days, etc; other folks embrace aspects of reality that they say is more spiritual, relational, or nature-related, rather than structured religious-systems or scriptures; (i seem to be something weird, in between those things) and still, other folks remain quite stubborn, and say things like 'there is no such thing as God', or, that 'we humans are our own god', or maybe they understand the reality of God, but are just plain mad at God due to traumas / historical-events / experiences / faulty-expectations, which are in desperate need of reconciliation. Religious figures who abuse are a huge source of trauma that stifles or breaks a relationship between victims and God… good f*cking luck to those abusers when they have to reconcile their history / actions / deeds with God.

  Trauma shakes a person to our core... body, mind, and soul -- our 'totality'; and, since I’ve been typing those same three things entirely too many times now -- I’ll just start referring to them as 'H3' -- as in, [Humans = H AND 3 major components (at least according to my current understanding) Body, Mind, and Soul]. A trauma quickly causes disruptions to all of H3 must faster than we typically process/discern, only folks who are really embracing reality, and exceedingly healthy in all aspects of H3 are capable of understanding all aspects of psychopathy, normalcy, emotions, cause and effect, and are exceedingly sensitive and observant, are able to discern the total/full future-impact which they inherited from the event; and all at the speed in which it happens... that would be super-human, if it's even possible at all, which might help understand the complications of impacted-grief caused during a childhood-trauma. The younger we are, the less we know, and the less we are able to fully process an assault, and communicate it, especially from someone who is revered or expected to be normal. Trauma is a type of shock, it's what happens when something horrible happens to someone when 'they are expecting life to be normal', but are confronted with abnormal stressors, things like various forms of violation, evil, friction, and psychopathy, etc.

  Sorry, that was a lot to say in just a couple of run-on sentences, but it should be clear by now, that it's my intention to explain some of those factors, and processes, and symptoms, that I keep mentioning, so you can re-calibrate, and let your body/being/totality finish healing itself, or reach-out to find necessary intervention. However, none of what I just mentioned is remotely feasible, if we are not willing to accept Reality in it's totality; therefore, no matter what your understanding/perception of God actually is, you must reconcile this factor too, as much as the other H3 factors, to recover from trauma, reclaim what violation, time and history may have robbed from you, and operate at more of your 'actual-potential'. To 'self-actualize' (Abraham's term/theory), you must not only be intentional about reconciling the body, and mind, but it requires a reconciliation of our soul, and calibration of priorities, and motivators... it's what happens when we grow, mature, become healthy in H3, and actively doing positive things that help with both Creator, and 'His Creation' ('self-actualization' according to Maslow); and consciously utilizing our available gifts/tools and resources as intended to be, a beneficial cog/gear/part of a synergistic/symbiotic relationship with the rest of reality, and creation.

  Reconciling the soul might involve intentional 'action items', such as establishing, or, re-establishing a relationship / connection / communication / mutual-appreciation to Source / Creator / Universe. Some people refer to the concept of God many different ways -- I seek/prefer simplicity in most matters -- so, I just like to use the word 'God' to describe the most incredible aspect of reality, that should be impossible to miss, yet so many people dismiss. Chris L. is a pretty creative man, and I appreciate the way that he describes certain things, and certain theories; some of the terms that he uses to describe God: Global Operator Distributor, and a Conspansive Manifold, and The Ultimate Reality, to name a few. The word 'God' is sacrilege to even say or write for some folks, God can deal with me on this matter if He chooses to do so, I’m always open to correction; but, for the sake of the rest of this paper I will humbly use the word 'God' to explain -- that -- which should be obvious... The proverbial 'Forest' through the trees.

  A 'Physical-Trauma' (laceration, contusion, fracture) is probably the easiest to identify -- even without being a medical-professional, because (usually) it's obvious to our eyes, via our direct visual-pathways to our processors/brain. ‘Psychological trauma' might be the next easiest to identify -- even without being a trained Psychologist -- because, if we are being observant, we can usually assign some discernible 'normal' level of cognition and state, versus 'not-normal' condition/behaviors; such as depressive-states, manic-states, erratic behavior, various psychopathies, etc. But, just as we have various physical (body), and (mind) psychology-specialists to help identify abnormalities, and utilize appropriate tools / treatments / therapies, we also have various spiritual and religious specialists, pastors, ministers to help figure-out where we might be lacking spiritual understanding, and, possible ‘trauma’.

  Since Mind and Spirit aren’t observable to the naked eye, they are the most difficult to understand, even for specialists, especially Body/physical professionals 'healers'. Just to set the record straight -- just as there is no such thing as 'artificial' intelligence -- there is no such thing as a 'healer' -- healings, when they happen, would be considered 'miracles' -- no one can 'heal' anything, other than non-living things, and that's simply 'fixing' something, not healing it... an actual 'healing' would happen via 'meta-physical intervention', ie. miracles.  Generally-speaking, humans are entities that seem to have been designed to heal ourselves over time, as our bodies were designed to do, by an Intelligent Designer/Creator -- God. There are many traumas that our H3 are not capable of healing on our own, so we seek intervention from professionals who understand how to make the best of our limitations, and become instrumental in helping us recover (therapists), or intervene with science and technologies (doctors), and even some religious-leaders (spiritualists, pastors, etc).

  Once again, I have to draw from experience, and, what zillions of other people have already written, and witnessed themselves, regarding matters of the soul/spirit. During my own 'religious epiphany' (which you can read a little bit about here), it had become clear to me (my mind and soul), that I required the life-example, and educational-instruction presented by the person that most folks just call 'Jesus'. It seemed as if Jesus, was/is, some gateway / system / ideology which was necessary in reconciling my relationship, and entire H3 back to God. It seems like God wants us to understand what Jesus both taught, and showed us... His teachings were offered/presented in many different ways, and different stories, and examples, so that everyone should be able to understand. He taught some things that were quite contrary to many of the spiritual 'leaders' (Pharisees) of His day, but full of common-sense, and sustainable concepts... The Ockham's (Occam) Razor of his teachings summed-up by mentioning the 'two most important commandments', which were already offered to humanity thousands of years ago... give God His proper priority, and practice mutual-respect (both Agape and Phileo love) with your family and neighbors, those are a couple of easy reminders for everyone to consider, and, as often as possible, when interacting with people, and the environment that future generations will require for their sustainability.

  Reconciling our soul might be a cathartic 'ontological' epiphany to some, or it might just involve doing simple little things, to help exercise a confused soul that requires a boost; asking for God’s assistance in this matter is certainly beneficial, not just when we experience a crisis, or desire something – although those are great times to communicate with God too. Some other practical things that folks do include proactively (or spontaneously) adding some purposeful meditation, prayer, and quiet reflection daily. Many folks that I know who aren’t necessarily ‘religious’ feel a deeper connection to God when they get out in nature, and less in the office/home… exterior walls block our vision from being immersed in the environment that God created a zillion years ago, and block us from seeing that which is beyond our field of view… the rest of the universe. Some folks love the tradition of orthodox, or unorthodox ceremonies, some go on spiritual-journeys, some read ancient scriptures, some begin by pro-actively spending some time everyday in comfortable environments where they can commune with God in meditation/prayer, where ever they feel at peace… personally speaking, I don’t really care what spiritual endeavors that others appreciate, so long as they use the simple logic of showing God His proper respect, practicing mutual-respect kind of love to others, and some of the other simple / logical / sustainable principles similar to those in the ‘ten commandments’, and those who generally present/exhibit things which Christians call ‘fruits of the spirit’[], in our words actions/deeds.

  I also stand with the conviction that Any and All religion, belief systems, and spiritual ideologies that stood the test of time has some codes of conduct which promote some logic which leads to some sustainability, otherwise they quickly perish. Most cultures and communities exhibit similar sustainable codes of ethics based on reality and mutual-respect, but can get weird in a hurry when psychos, saducees, and pharisees pollute/exploit their system. Many cultures are quite different in our traditions and rituals and celebrations, but would probably have a great time at a gathering together. However, if your current belief system doesn't align with the logical/sustainable principles found in the 'ten-commandments'[], and actively fights against any of that logic, then I ask you to please go on a journey, pursue God differently then you have been. If your current belief system doesn't align with some of the logical/sustainable principles found in the ‘fruits of the spirit’[], then I ask you to please go on a journey, and actively pursue God differently then you have been. If your current belief system embraces the logical sustainability model outlined in those simple bits of truths, but bicker over what our concept of God is, then we are all seekers, and are actually embracing some similar aspects of reality, and probably pursuing the same thing... we articulate similar things, but in the ways that we were taught, or have come to understand, and in the vocabulary that we typically use. I'm sure that I probably love you, even if we've never met; but I'm pretty biased of the Jesus-model, because any ideology that teaches the similar principles that Jesus taught, and were also taught to other civilizations since God gave us life; those logical principles were also exemplified in the actual person who actually practiced what He preached... He didn't just talk the talk, He walked the walk until the psychotic spiritual-idiots of his day would no longer tolerate Him, and so the unblemished lamb's mission progressed to that of a righteous man that was successfully prosecuted and executed for actually being a righteous man.  

  As stated before, I'm pretty biased toward my belief-system, it doesn't always make sense to society, socialists, and non-seekers, but it's been working for me for about 30-years now, and am married to the same lovely-lady who embraces the same belief-system for twenty-something of them (don't tell her I said the twenty-something part :-) However, I wasn't always embracing it during those thirty years, I've expanded and contracted many times, and really didn't listen to my body's warning signs of all H3 trauma, perhaps I was H3 deaf, so to speak. Now that I'm a bit older, and getting that genuine santa-beard, I'm finally beginning to understand and embrace reality a bit more, maybe the way that it should be embraced, but expansion and contraction seems to be a solid theory/principle, in all aspects of our H3, and in our totality--so I don't expect life to continue without some difficulties, and obstacles, and challenges which will require more attention and analysis, but if I don't forget some of the reminders that I wrote in this thesis I'll probably be better equipped to face those things as life presents them.

  Look, I could spend chapters explaining what my understanding of soul/spirit reconciliation entails; but there is plenty of relevant discussion which can be covered in a small group setting of individuals who sincerely want to be as healthy as possible in all aspects of H3; and, to recover from trauma, grief, regrets, failures, and vices which are preventing us from embracing reality, and self-actualization... but, for the sake of this essay growing elongated and bitter -- no No NO -- I mean, short and sweet, we should consider 'reality' and, our 'perception/equation' of it.


Resolving Our Equation / Perception of Reality

    When we are unhealthy, or, unbalanced, in any H3 component, and are operating in something like 'survival-mode' — a term that I’ve crudely used several times now — we generally perceive 'reality' quite different than our loved-ones, friends, peers, and many strangers as well. I typically don't wear my emotions on the figurative 'sleeve' (possibly unresolved aspects of the soul, or emotional dysfunction, or being an INTJ), and I’m also known for my 'resting-bitch face', 1000-mile steer, etc… and many times seem to disassociate when I’m either overwhelmed with too much stimuli (crowded, noisy, chaotic environments), or, deep in thought. I’m an introvert, that loves people — when I’m healthy and positive — but, too much people in a chaotic environment, and I need to remove myself before I over-heat / implode / melt-down. An introvert during an overwhelming, or depressive season disassociates much more than usual; and, even when I’m physically present, my mind is far from any superficial-conversations that are going on around me. I block out the words of boasting Narcissists — who are in desperate of acceptance, trust, love, and God. I try block out the loud laughter, loud people, loud noises, the over-emotional outbursts of those around me... I focus less on physical environment, and retreat deeper into my soul, and my mind, both desperately trying to process, and reconcile my environment, emotions, and reality, so I contract/retreat to the only safe-spaces that I generally thrive under, alone-time / thinking / prayer / meditation. When I’m healthy, my alone time is usually quite productive.  Good spot for another side-note, I’ve worked for many employers who dis-trusted me to work from my home-office... the humor/idiocy is that in a quiet-home setting I thrive, and are far more productive than forcing me to work in a distracting environment, they only got a tiny bit of me... employer's insecure-projections / loss eventually turned into my gain, many years later, now that I understand myself better, and what I can typically tolerate, or is typically intolerable.

  I wrote a funny post several months ago, it was sort of like a request thrown out to the cosmos, a wish, some unofficial prayer, 'please get me a sensory-deprivation module'. I even threw in some options that I want with it, the ability to pump in some pleasant relaxing smells (aroma-therapy is legit, and some-what effective for mood), and I wanted to be able to play some soft-relaxing music, or sounds; and last, I wanted an option that would warm something that would feel cuddly/pleasant on my face, like a soft-cotton 'drool-towel' feature... 'order now and you get the optional 'warm and cozy' drool-towel, for free, during this limited-time offer'... followed by speed-talking fine-print. As funny as I tried to make that post, the reality is that I have problems relaxing, and problems sleeping; some pros group these conditions together as 'anxiety', which is one of the things that had gotten so bad, that I actually have a medical-disability — in part, do to it (hyper-vigilant PTSD Veteran of ODS). Since I’m still trying to reconcile the reality of this H3-turmoil, and trying to do logical pro-active things to address my issues, I finally have a sleep-study scheduled in the near future... and part of me hopes that it involves something like my sensory-deprivation contraption that I wrote about, warm drool-towel and all. Despite the assistance of medical-professionals prescribing decades of various man-made molecules, sleep still doesn't work right, and normal-relaxation is still a bit out of grasp... not without returning back into a chemically-induced lobotomy, and I’ve already lost/forfeited too much of my intellectual processing ability to time, history, evil, and well-intentioned morons that don't really know how to help people heal at all, they fall back on limited ‘physical' treatments/therapies, the things that only their eyes and minds, and empirical-science is capable of offering.

  Leading up to the writing of this paper, I had spent three-to-four years in a deep 'self-discovery' dive after a crisis-period, first, I wanted to kill myself, it was the factor that I didn't want my family-members to take on any more of my pain that helped in resolving that faulty equation. After that, I was going to harm someone else, and that's when I finally reached out for professional help, and called the Veteran's Crisis Line. I didn't want to seek help while I was trying to resolve whether or not my life was a negative to the world, or if I still had remaining value / potential / meaning / purpose, while trying to resolve/reconcile my H3 issues / problems / trauma / grief / time / history, etc. But, when I started devising creative ways that I would prevent the unsuspecting utility-guy from shutting off our electricity the following day, which was in the middle of a heat-wave, I realized that I was going to do something very destructive with my God-given gifts and skills (possibly by turning the technician into a cloud/vapor — just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should), and would certainly have caused more problems than solutions, it was that initial pro-active step that I made which slowly began to draw me back closer to reality. Naively trusting my health and recovery in other imperfect-people's hands far too long wasn't healing a damn-thing, so, that equation required change to fix my faulty-formula... a change which I firmly believe was meta-physical intervention, which enabled me to progress with healing. In this case of ‘meta-physical intervention’, I mean the prayers of people who know me, love me, and wanted to see me break free from the illogical thoughts which still polluted my Mind, and Soul, and took many Physical tolls on my Body as well, and then those prayers were answered in a way that only God knew how to resolve… much of it caused by another lay-off, and then the ontological-shock of the covid-assault, and psychological-assaults which accompanied the weaponized-germ release.

  Part of my looong 'self-analysis' involved diving into psychology (which finally reminded me of psychological-warfare once again), and how some professionals categorize individuals. In my introduction, I mentioned 'INTJ-T', it's based on Myers-Briggs classification of 'personality types'. Basically, their test helps determine the general 'thought processes' utilized by different folks, it's like, what order we utilize different tools to form a course of action, or, to further analyze things that require action, or, an appropriate re-action. These sorts of tests can be useful in understanding ourselves, and other people that we spend significant time with; my wife and I had them done as part of pre-marital counseling/preparation twenty-something years ago.  I use the information to laugh at myself a lot, maybe to help identify where my blind-spot was on something that surprised me — 'what did I miss', or, 'not consider'. It seems like understanding myself better is helpful by knowing that chaos and excessive stimuli drain energy out of me like a severed artery, and that I’m not an emotional-driven person. It's helpful to know that I don't learn things the way that most people do, I probably use creativity in making associations to help learn things, where, most of my peers can memorize things better, which leaves me a bit envious, and 'wishing I were normal' types of thoughts. I sort of like the MBTI tests in order for us to help understand some of our strengths and weaknesses. Many folks who have yet to reconcile their soul have zero-consideration of improving their weaknesses, however, folks who follow Jesus's teachings/instructions understand that positive/upward-evolution requires changing unhealthy thoughts, words, and actions. When we have reconciled our soul back to God, our spirits keep us honest, they prompt us to resolve our own hypocrisies, provide us our emotions, and give us a nudge; sometimes in the form of intuition, 'Spidey-senses', and 'bullsh1t-antenna'... our soul knows right from wrong, and helps us — reminds us — to resolve the information gathered through our physical-senses, and were processed through our mind. Re-calibration of our entire H3, is required to provide and establish a more accurate perception of reality.

  Understanding our strengths and weaknesses can be disastrous when our ego is uncalibrated, but helpful when we want to use our understanding to navigate our environment, interact better with others, and contribute positively toward our cultures / society / organizations, and future generations. As previously mentioned, I could have easily used my skills and intellect to cause further destruction to God's creation (another human who was only trying to do his job, albeit a rather sh!tty one); just because I have the intelligence and capacity to do extreme acts of evil, it's up to me to exercise my God-given gifts of freedom (free-will), and intellect (free-choice/decisions) to either be an anathema to creation, or to bless, or use our gifts for good. After some much-needed reconciliation of History, Body, Mind, Soul, Reality, it seems only logical to use my gifts of freedom and intellect for purposes that are more aligned with self-actualization, not self-destruction. I’ve interacted with many people who are exceedingly gifted in body, and mind, who have yet to reconcile the soul, and are currently agents of chaos and destruction; their distorted-perception, and equation of reality is plain for everyone else to see, everyone but themselves. And, equally, I’ve met many people who are exceedingly gifted in spiritual-sensitivity, and desire to change the world for good, aligning with God's principles, commands, and loving suggestions; but are in need of intellectual, or physical reconciliation, and intellectual/physical exercise, which yields a more healthy calibration, and balance of our H3.

  Self-awareness is required to calibrate our sense of self, which equates to a better perception of reality; an unbalanced ego can be a tricky one to resolve. Sometimes, we remember, or see / view / imagine ourselves like how we were back when our body was at it's peak, had plenty of energy, could eat like a horse because we burned lots of calories, however, when we resolve time/history with reality we understand what 'epigenetics' forces us to consider, that our bodies change over time, and a fifty-year old guy clearly isn't the stud that he once was, back in the glory-days, when we were captain of 'whatever'. I made use of the term 'Dunning-Kruger Paradox' (D-K) previously, which implies that people think they are smarter than they really are... there are many unbalanced egos in the world where this use of the term is quite accurate; but, their findings demonstrated a type of delusion that we are all capable of... sometimes we 'think' we are more capable than we really are, when reality is that we aren't as perceptive as we thought; and other times, we are actually more capable (or equipped) than we 'thought'. A more accurate equation, which sharpens our perception of reality, requires us to resolve our own D-K paradox, otherwise, the little boy who was regularly told how problematic and stupid he was wouldn't have lived long enough to write this thesis (you could also title this essay ‘the little boy who finally found his voice’)... a distorted 'perception of self' requires calibration, otherwise, we remain in 'the matrix', forever assuming, seeing the world as we think it is, what we want it to be, rather than what it/we, actually is/are.

  Just as important as it is to balance our ego, sense of self, we must also apply that same logic to other people as well. Many folks have experienced what I’ll simply call 'broken-relationships', usually painful experiences which remain stuck in time, and may require additional reconciliation. Understanding that our own perception, and participation of reality requires us to resolve our sense of self, worth, value, time, history, experience… all which can lead to the D-K delusion/paradox, and an unbalanced ego. Sometimes we don’t afford other people the gift of forgiveness, a principle which Jesus often championed, sometimes we lose sight of the potential that still remains in others. Extending forgiveness to others is proof that you understand that you aren't perfect, and that no one else is perfect; faulty expectations/assumptions from other imperfect people is cause for much impacted-grief, when we expect people to be exactly like us… impacted-grief can be from losing people to death, or from losing the love of former loved-ones; it can also come from us losing control, losing function, losing almost anything that was once considered important, or someone that we depended on. Forgiveness is an understanding that other people, or ‘reality’ did not meet our expectations, and that we have come to grips with the fact that the potential which was lost can be redeemed, and that the future beholds the potential for good. There is a biblical principle that Jesus was a righteous man, who was punished to death, for speaking and teaching truth, that others could not, would not tolerate, and that Jesus forgave his executioners as they were torturing him. This example is a confusing-paradox to most people, yet a requirement to reconcile time and history to be able to self-actualize.

  To improve our perception of reality, we must make pro-active decisions and steps to align ourselves with reality, because to keep doing the things that we know are wrong, and expecting different results, is unrealistic at best, and delusional insanity being the worst... the world is a better place when more people understand that we aren't perfect, no one else is either, that we all learn as we grow/age, accepting/understanding that principle, demonstrates a desire to embrace reality, and the potential for homeostasis/H:3.


Homeostasis / Maintenance / H:3 - Embracing Reality

  Continuing with the theme / theory / principle of a conspansive-manifold, we can shrink that down one level to consider our H3 'totality'. We aren't perfect — perfection should not be confused with precision... humans — usually with the aid of tools — can produce very precise measurements and tolerances and representations of living, and non-living things... precision is a fine goal for skilled-craftsmen, surgeons, engineers, etc., but ‘perfection’ is a fool's goal that inevitably set's humans up for failure, and disappointment. Any aspect of H3 will expand, and will eventually contract, as diligently as we may try to prevent that from happening, reality happens to everyone, we all get a dope-slap from life/reality sometimes, some of us, many times. Just as any aspect of H3 expands and contracts, we do the same in our totality. When we grow at a healthy and manageable pace/rate, we expand, and so does the size of the environment that we can manage/tolerate, and bless; but we shouldn’t be surprised if our effective ministry will contract, seasons which seem dry and ineffective, times to consider going on some sort of spiritual-journey, immersion-therapy, possibly a life-style change to regain good homeostasis-level health.

  If any part of our H3 expands or contracts too sharply, our manageable environment shrinks while we try to figure out root problems in order to properly resolve mistakes — those who claim to be free from making mistakes require meta-physical intervention... consider a politician who won't admit to their sneaky side-gigs or mistakes and faults, or admit that they were fooled/betrayed etc, and you might actually identify with their insane perception of reality. The Isrealites didn't want to self-actualize, they wanted a 'king', and God gave them what their depraved minds desired... eventually they regretted their decision, but most would never understand the mistake that they made by acting out on their foolish desires, now the USA has a bohemouth-government established as our god, and many will never realize the mistakes that we made, and the freedoms that we forfeited during the last three generations, and still before our eyes.

  To embrace reality we know that we aren't perfect, never will be, but have the ability to heal, and eventually expand once again, we always have the potential to self-actualize — in whatever capacity that we still can, unless we have truly lost favor in God's sight... if you are capable of reading this far into this essay, then I trust that you haven't completely lost favor with God, and still have plenty of potential to reconcile your equation/perception of reality, and to self-actualize.

  As we begin to reconcile time, history, and experiences — with our current/actual season — we begin to embrace reality. When we reconcile, and exercise our H3 to re-align with reality, we begin to operate much closer to our baseline/homeostasis, H:3, and closer to operating in our 'actual' and 'current' potential. Whatever individual-potential that may have been lost, stolen, trapped, or, 'forfeited' by trauma, ignorance, or insanity; we still have potential to be the healthier person that our soul has been begging us to consider... Are you able to 'see' that healthier person yet?

  Chances are, that you do; and even know/have some reasonable action-items that you've been considering... I trust that you are jotting some down as you contemplate the things that you already know versus things that you may have forgotten. People who embrace reality make reasonable plans, and then take reasonable steps toward implementing those plans. Just as trauma can snow-ball into a giant festering parasite of delusion... small-steps to improve the aspects of our H3 which are stagnant, or lacking, can snow-ball into a huge ‘net-gain’, for those who desire one.

  Even if you don't 'feel great' in every aspect of your life, 'peace, contentment, and a desire to embrace reality' might be a good litmus, baseline, homeostasis. Homeostasis is our 'average' when we have a healthy ratio/size of all H3 considerations, it’s when H3 turns into H:3... average is good, and might be within short-sight of everyone. When we desire to be holistically better people, and use our gifts / talents / resources / desires to pro-actively help to make the world a better place, by the only true God's definition, then we approach self-actualization. Consider a few incomplete, and non-linear verses from what Christians consider our bible... The thief comes to steal, kill, destroy... God has a plan to prosper us... Jesus came to set the captives free, that we will have more abundant life... and, to do the work of The Father… it’s a bit like a story of the potential of everyone’s ‘resurrection story’.

  Some D-K inflicted Christian ‘purists’ don’t think that people should/can stitch-together incomplete verses like I just did (what-evs) to give you an idea of the concept of 'following Jesus' and what 'self-actualizing' might look like. The concept of self-actualizing is very similar to the concept of 'resurrection', and then 'ministering' such as Jesus did before He had to experience death... the contents of this essay ought to tell something of my own/personal 'resurrection story'; a guy who embraced a proverbial 'hell' for entirely too long, really didn't care for it very much, finally had enough of it, is taking positive-steps in reconciling my life, and seeking God to show me how to make the best of what potential, time, and resources that I still have to offer creation, and Creator. I have plenty to reconcile in body, probably mind too, and soul as well; but here is an encouraging string of verses that a brother shared with me today (hey Dan); I mentioned a few sentences of some of my story today, and this is what came to his mind as I spoke:

"So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,

The crawling locust, The consuming locust,

And the chewing locust, My great army which I sent among you.

You shall eat and be satisfied, And praise the name of the Lord your God,

Who has dealt wondrously with you;

And My people shall never be put to shame.

Then you shall know that I am in the midst of Israel:

I am the Lord your God And there is no other.

My people shall never be put to shame"[2]

  I'm a Christian guy, who has expanded and contracted many times over the years/decades... sometimes several timers per day. I had some unpleasant experiences with some previous churches (which I learned that despite non-profit status, are really/ unfortunately are just literal 'businesses'), and hadn't even wanted to go back to one until recently. My resurrection story didn't consist of an instantaneous miracle/healing (at least none that I recall). In this story, the subject had the sh!t kicked out of him, and drowned a thousand times, but came back up for air a thousand and one times (probably many more to come)... I’m not a great swimmer, so — in my fictitious example — I can't take the credit due to my physical/body; I certainly didn't 'think' my way back to the surface; and my soul was beat-down and depressed... so I have to chalk this resurrection-story up to God... God, who only wanted the best for me, and kept me alive long enough to begin a new chapter, and to sing a new song... I praise the only God that is capable of getting through my thick-skull, and deep into mind and soul, despite the many times that I drifted into my own weird perception of reality, in and out of some type of hell.

  I don't know how healthy I am by other people's standards, metrics, criteria; but, I do feel like I’m back to something much closer to homeostasis in some aspects of my current 'H3-potential', yet still beginning to self-actualize. I’ve reconciled most of my history/experience to reality, making better choices about the portions and things I put into my body, and exercising most of my H3; and — get this — sometimes able to help some other folks too, those who wish to dwell in reality, decided to accept responsibility for their own actions, decisions, and 'H3-health', and know that they have much more to offer back to Creator and creation... like-minded folks who desire to get healthy, and to use their health and resources to self-actualize.


Thriving Within Reality - Self-Actualization – 3:3

  Homeostasis is a decent, balanced state of being; the world would be a far better place if everyone could maintain a healthy and steady baseline of all H3 components, H:3. There might be less friction or frustration in your life, and you do what you do because things are working pretty well for you, you might be accomplishing some goals/objectives, and taking better care of yourself. Just as the world would be a better place if we all maintained homeostasis, it would be exponentially better if everyone self-actualized, 3:3. When we self-actualize we aren’t quite as needy and confused as we once were, and begin to exercise not just our healthy H:3 to operate at higher levels of health and cognition, but to exercise that H:3 health/state, along with our gifts, talents, skills, resources, and desires in gratitude, to use what we have to help creation… we become ministers and servants to some degree, giving of our time, energy, understanding, resources to help fix things that we are capable of fixing/helping/blessing, etc.

  Some parents have a difficult time remembering to provide their growing children adequate physiological, safety, esteem needs… they lack the foresight to prepare their children to self-actualize, which should be every parent’s goal, and every person’s individual goal; to self-actualize, and help others do so as well. When we won't just settle for homeostasis, but want to operate at a higher-level, higher-function, and make better contributions to creation, we begin striving for self-actualization. Before we touch on that topic, let me explain that there is simply no such thing as 'being the best version of yourself', (a term that I mentioned earlier/above) it's a term coined by people who have not self-actualized, that term is nice, but incomplete. Being the best version of yourself would have required you to maximize every potential/resource, of every moment ever since you were born, and all would have been a positive-effect for you, and creation... for man/woman it's simply impossible, but folks who think perfection is a possible reality come up with nice phrases to help remind us of the importance of trying to better ourselves, and exercising all H3, the best way that they know how to – so, I won't critique, just getting a bit technical.

  When we know that we aren’t and never meant to be perfect, and that we already lost much of our ‘potential’ to time / history / ignorance / trauma / illogical-priorities, understand our sins, desire to repent of those sins against ourselves, others, and God; and when we know that we have plenty of potential left, and make conscious, and many times ‘unconscious’ decisions to utilize more of our current potential, time, and resources for good; and considering that God can and will multiple resources and opportunity (potential), when we exercise what we have, and become active-participants in doing the will of God by ministering back to creation… God surprises everyone with unexpected opportunities and more potential sometimes, many times, quite often.

  When we self-actualize we have a great sense of time, we are present, we might even operate at speeds like fighters, athletes, and warriors... we aren't getting too far ahead of the rest of reality, and we aren't slowing it down for others. We don't get too manic and drive too fast or tail-gate; or too depressive and drive too slow, oblivious to the line of cars behind us, through a very narrow focus. We are more aware of our environment, and that other people occupy it too, so we do things like use turn-signals, and use the brakes. People who aren't quite as aware of our surroundings (mutual environment) probably won't bother you so much, we don’t use the horn very much; you might even try to extend grace and mercy and yield a bit to the idiots who also occupy the streets, as we exercise patience and consideration... and maybe find creative ways to identify, and help folks who could use some help in ways that is within our reach... dwelling in reality is a wonderful place to reside, but never without life’s challenges -- expansion and contraction always happen.

  The concept/term 'self-actualization' is new to me, but I began to understand it better when viewing it through the filter of Christianity, living life with purpose, and an upward evolution of our H3, living life more abundantly through 'serving', as was the model exemplified by Jesus. The various stages of talk-therapy were also a new concept for me, but it made more sense when I filter it through my understanding of Christianity. A healthy church leader (servant) doesn't simply want to spread God's truth to as many people as possible (that's simply trying to grow an empire full of mindless drones), they also desire to see people heal, exercise, flourish, and are facilitating that as well (far more Christ-like), which is a sustainable model for us as individuals, and corporately in larger environments and geographies.  Here's a model to consider, in reconciling psychologist's stages of therapy, with Christianity:

pre-Contemplation  >  Contemplation  >  Active-Participation/H3-exercise  >

Maintenance/Homeostasis/H:3  >  H:3-exercise/expansion  >  self-Actualization/3:3

  Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, genetic pre-dispositions, life experiences/education, and resources to draw from; therefore, self-actualization presents differently to the individual. Individuality, intelligence, free-will, and free-choice are some examples of gifts from God, the Ultimate Creator; we can hate our portion and be miserable (unhealthy symptoms), or embrace it, exercise/expand our H3, and make the most of our capabilities, and remaining potential to positively impact whatever sized environment that we can. Like most folks, I appreciate witnessing people who work in their gifts and talents, sometimes your abilities leave me dumb-founded, speechless, mind-blown sorts of feelings. I like the concept of being 'well-rounded', but no longer foolish enough to expect myself to be able to do everything as well as other people, but sometimes I fall for the trap of comparing myself to other people; I’m pretty weird/unique, and like most healthy folks, just trying to exercise my own tools/resources when I can, and how I can, and sometimes, as good as I can, given my limitations and state of mind. This perspective is quite simple to most folks, but it was another hard-learned lesson for me. However, the concept of symbiosis, synergy, and mechanics demonstrate the requirement for very different things working mutually/together in a relationship with our mutual environment to provide a more healthy environment, organism, organization, etc.

  When we operate beyond homeostasis, begin to exercise all H:3, while aligning ourselves with reality, then momentum continues, and proper exercise yields H:3-expansion, and we are doing things that we love to do, exercise our creativity, find ways to bless others, and God blesses the fruits of our labor, in what ever ways He chooses to do so. However, expansion and contraction still happen to everyone, the healthier we are, the easier it is to diagnose, re-adjust, and make the most of any new limitations or challenges. In H3 -- Prior to homeostasis, we can become too manic/frustrated, try to hard to expand what may not be ready for expansion yet. We can also become depressive, where we are stuck, and do not attempt to expand at all. Homeostasis (H:3) offers greater regulation of our entire ‘state of being’, where we think more clearly, move easier, and experience life with less resistance/challenges, and with more ease/flow. Self-actualization, which I’ll start referring to as ‘3:3’, is living a life/lifestyle that our soul appreciates, maybe it’s something like becoming the person that God wants us to be, who we were meant to be. We are doing more of the things that we know to be good, and doing far less of the things that we know to be bad… as we teeter-totter between H:3 and 3:3, remember that a reconciled soul offers us peace when we resolve our hypocrisies, paradoxes; and embrace truth/reality… this reconciled soul might be what Christians refer to as having The Holy Spirit, or some deposit of God that works within our souls to reconcile our hypocrisies, some folks referrer to The Holy Spirit as a wonderful counselor… which brings me back to therapy once again.

  There is this whole other thing that a decent talk-therapist will try to encourage you to do, to engage within society, loved ones, friends; and to help and serve, by exercising your gifts and talents while helping others. Helping, teaching, loving, nurturing, healing, counseling, and operating in truth and reality were all hallmarks of Jesus’ ministry, and many other religions also revere those qualities… they are innate desires within everyone, and those desires need to be exercised to be realized. Self-actualization has the individual ministering to whatever part of creation they are capable of ministering to, whether the person is an official ‘minister/pastor/priest’ or not. If you sit around and wait to become an official minister you may never enter the self-actualized ministry that you were already qualified to do (preaching to myself here), because we are all meant to be ministers, with whatever gifts, talents, and resources we have, and in whatever capacity we are capable of. So… If you are dealing with isolation, and pain of trauma and depression, and even if you haven’t reconciled your soul back to God yet, you can skip a bunch of that stuff for the time-being, and still get more healthy by exercising and serving/ministering… even if you never considered the ‘Jesus-solution’ to reconciling your soul, in some way you will be able to identify with Him a bit, by your simple – or complex – acts of kindness and ministry.

  Here are some more tips to consider… H:3, Homeostasis, or 'maintenance' level of therapy may not 'feel' like anything, it just feels 'normal / regular', but things seem to be going more smoothly, and easier, less friction/frustration, maybe less compulsive actions/behavior, it's a good place to be… you might even be self-actualized, and not thinking much about your state/flow. Earlier I mentioned Maslow's 'hierarchy of needs', I mentioned the bottom/base -- our physiological needs/requirements; and also mentioned the top-level a ton of times 'self-actualization'; however, everything in between should also be considered when you start making decisions to do some things that you really want to do, impulses, 'motivators'. Motivators are the instinctual / human nature / natural order / sustainability requirements that typically drive our desires, to be more healthy and fulfilled in life, and to experience life as humans are intended to experience. This 'tip' is coming from an 'intuitive' (remember the INTJ-thing) type of guy — therefore, totally preaching to myself — sometimes I just do something because something needs to be done, but I don’t think it through well enough, I have enough experience with risk that I’m OK learning some things the hard-way. When you start to get a bit ahead of yourself, your plans, your actions, with impatient and impulsive actions/behaviors — ask yourself if you might be starving some of the other needs, requirements, motivators that Maslow defined as 'Safety needs — Love needs — Esteem needs'. Reconciling your motives before your actions answers 'why questions', why do I want to do this. When we reconcile our motives, desires, and 'why we want to do what we want to do', then it helps answer our inevitable  'how’ questions... I am doing this because I need to do this because it's logical... if so, then 'how should I logically go about accomplishing my goal'. Sometimes answering the why, and how questions make it easier to answer the 'when', 'who', and 'where' questions, that contribute to logical, and pro-active 'actions', and positive cause-and-effect... it's far too easy to get ahead of ourselves, and make poor decisions when we can't answer the questions as to why we do what we do. Sorry, nothing too deep in this point, just some practical advice to aid in self-awareness.

  When you consider that everyone is unique, and similar but different, and that self-actualization is as unique as we are, and I’m just beginning to enter into this theoretical stage of life/health, then you probably understand that I don't have more to really offer, in regards to 'thriving' in reality.   Some folks might offer '10 easy steps', or 'five simple principles', or some 'formula to success', they might be right, and may have great insight… not me. As far as I’m concerned nothing is easy until we are healthy, and getting healthy usually isn't easy... exercise is moving, but exercise with the goal of expansion is actively pursuing resistance, doing hard things… it requires determination, and effort; and can't be summed-up in a meme, fortune-cookie, or be obtained by an idiotic lazy-ass who is forever waiting on a meta-physical healing of some sort, instead of actively trying to help heal themselves... miracles and healings certainly happen, but they are the exception, not the 'norm'. You might be far stronger, smarter, or spiritual than I am, and have greater insight to offer... and I hope that you are, and hope that you do; as much as I hope that you are exercising your gifts and talents, and using your resources to be a positive, not a negative to God's creation, environment, and humanity.

  Chances are, that you already know what steps are required in order to attain greater health to all H3, are motivated to reach your homeostasis/H:3, and are now considering self-actualization/3:3. And, hopefully I reminded you of a few important things that maybe you had forgotten. I’d love it if I provided enough mental and spiritual stimulation to help you figure out where you might need healing, or can heal yourself; never under-estimate the resiliency, and durability of the human soul, body, and mind... or the God who thought, and created us, and the world which we are encapsulated in... if you can't 'see' God, you might be too distracted by routine, and the line of trees at the edge of the forest, it's my opinion that Jesus provides quick access, a gateway into the rest of the woods. If you haven't reconciled your soul back to our Creator -- the best artist EVER -- just ask 'God' to show you what you are missing, He's plenty capable of doing so... just ask, wait, and you will 'see' what you've never seen, feel what you couldn't feel, and find meaning and purpose of how to use your God-given gifts and resources to make yourself a better person, and the world a better place to live… and not just our generation, but for many generations to follow… it's required for sustainable purposes. Ask God what you are missing, and what steps you need to pro-actively become healthier in all aspects of your totality. God will show you, and might even tell you that your own personal 'revival', and a ‘corporate’ one is the potential that is waiting for you to join in on all of the fun. With all of that said, I don’t claim to have the full ‘inside-scoop’ on all things ‘religion’, I pity the D-K poster-boy who assumes that they do, but you have to start somewhere, my advice is to try the Jesus-option.

  In closing, I pray for you — The Reader — You are the actual 'target-audience', and motivation for this paper... my prayer is that you will make the most of your potential, now that you understand that you have so much more, and how important it is to exercise it, and teach others who want to learn and exercise their gifts and potential. I pray that you will improve upon your weaknesses, and exercise the gifts that you have, to make as much positive contribution to humanity that you can, while remaining as healthy as you can… we just 'work' better when we are healthy[4], so it's only logical. Now may God bless you, so that you may be a blessing to others, which sends the blessing right back to it's source… probably because it makes His plans and Masterpiece work as intended... Now may it be so.

… Thank you for your time, and your desire to be healthy and effective for all the right reasons.  --  Chris


Closing Thoughts

  This essay shouldn’t be considered as a replacement for any professional Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). But the reader should strongly consider speaking with a professional therapist if the contents of this book aren’t enough to get you jump-started and healthy again… there is no shame in seeking help when you realize that you require some, but an idiot will remain an unnecessary martyr.

  I would encourage folks to consider using this as a outline for small-groups of people who might be dealing with long-term, or short-term difficulties with emotions, behaviors, and cycles of negative-loops which need to be resolved. It should also be a simple outline to consider for self-therapy, no matter how healthy we are, eventually we all contract, so maybe use this to help you figure-out where stressors, and your re-actions to them started to become unhealthy… your body, mind, and spirit will let you know when something is unbalanced, and requires attention… surely you’re intelligent enough to recognize when you need to reconcile something, and by all means you’re intelligent enough to understand that you are causing more damage by continuing with prolonged unhealthy H3, and of course you understand that better health requires you to be an active-participant in resolving and reconciling your faulty equation to how you are interacting with reality and creation. But it should help folks have an understanding of what to expect when you speak to a therapist, or a counselor… consider this essay a primer, of what to expect when you are ready to speak to someone for any help that you still require. The goal of therapy is to help you get healthy, do more healthy things, less unhealthy things, be more mindful of cause-and-affect/effect, and to be more aware of what we do, and how we interact with creation and reality. To help you operate at better function in all H3, to get you to a maintenance-level of homeostasis/H:3 by exercising/practicing/executing more logical decisions. So, please consider using this essay as a goal for your therapy, once you are ready to be an active-participant in becoming more healthy. When Jesse the therapist asked me what my goal for therapy was, I didn’t really give it much thought, and said ‘to be over-all more healthy in body, mind, and soul’… so this essay is me just expanding a bit on what I meant by that statement, and it’s my prayer for the reader that it be the goal of your therapy as well.

  So, in some sense, this essay is just a crude/rough example of CBT; in that it reminds people about cause and ‘Effect’, as well as cause and Affect.  This essay is just a CBT-outline of how to get healthier by exercising… exercising all three aspects of our Totality -- Body, Mind, and Soul to re-calibrate back to homeostasis (H:3).  This essay is just CBT in the sense that it reminds us about the cause and effect of making more logical decisions that will ‘positively-effect’ our over-all health (H:3), and because I think it’s important to repeat important themes… cause and effect is just as important to remember as ‘every action has an equal, but opposite re-action’, two basic fundamentals to being more mindful in navigating reality. This essay is just CBT in the sense that it reminds us of unhealthy thoughts, words, actions, behaviors, routines, environments that we could call ‘negative-affects’.

  This essay is goes beyond DBT and CBT in the sense that it reminds us that no one is perfect, but we all have gifts, talents, skills, intelligence, and resources (positive-potential) that we need to discover, and utilize for good things, positive ‘evolution’ for as much of humanity that we can positively-impact; and not to use our intelligence and free-will for negative ‘devolution’, so this essay requires us to resolve our own/individual Dunning-Kruger paradox. Maybe motivate people to exercise their blessings, time, and gratitude to start blessing others a bit more, to self-actualize in the sense that you minister to creation because you can, and because it feels good. To move from H:3 to 3:3 you are confident in your relationship with God and His creation that you are motivated to serve and help others, in whatever capacity that your creativity and resources allow. I’m not quite sure how other religions consider ‘greatness’, but in Christianity to serve others how Jesus served is considered the highest honor, and it’s with this principle that we discover our unique, and innate-desire to teach, heal, minister, serve. To self-actualize we are healthy enough to where we are purposely exercising our gifts, talents, resources, understanding, time, and energy to give back to others out of gratitude and enjoyment, and to keep the sustainable cycle going for future generations as well.

  This essay is not just CBT in understanding the reality that we all expand and contract sometimes, and so does everyone else. This essay is just CBT because folks who experience traumas and folks who use vices to self-medicate are all very intelligent people that experienced something that wasn't morally good somehow, something done to us, we couldn’t control something that we wanted to, our expectations were shattered, or we did something to others that we now regret, we haven’t given or received forgiveness, or finished grieving something that’s still trapped in time/history, and maybe we have some experiences that we still need to reconcile... knowing that no one is perfect, and understanding ‘forgiveness’ as taught and demonstrated by Jesus. And that it makes sense in a seemingly illogical way... this essay is just CBT, and a teaching method designed to help the reader be more mindful about resolving our own paradoxes and hypocrisies, and to exercise our God-given tools not just for our own therapeutic relief, but to teach what we know to those who also want to master something awesome on our journeys back to our Creator.



  * Janice Ann Caddigan-Terlizzi passed on Mother’s Day 2022... I hope you are enjoying whatever awaits, Mom... i trust you were blessed by this essay, if God let’s you read it… but, i dunno how that all works though :-)

  1. I had been in a season/state/something that i call simply call a 'chemically-induced lobotomy' for several years by taking many Dr. prescribed medications, all of which had become more problematic than helpful... now i love to read again, and 'Yes', learning IS actually fun... and i don't just have to settle for reading either, i can think, and write a bit now, too... what a blessing it is to have a functioning mind once again :-)

  2. Joel 2 : 25 - 32 (NKJV)

  3.   There are a bunch more references that I’ll add in the future, the stuff is all up in my head, I just have to back-track, and try to purposely remember where I learned most of if from.

  4. Here's an example to remember the concept of this outline... a healthy H3 is like an enjoyable cup of coffee, when the coffee to cream to sugar ratio [C:C:S] is well balanced it’s much more enjoyable, and flows down the hatch easy... my body is our shared-environment absorbing that goodness, and is used as fuel, and that body is immersed/encapsulated within a larger environment… reality, The Ultimate Reality... so do your best to maintain a decent ratio of H3 [B:M:S]

And Hey... if you don’t like cream and sugar in your coffee, then you come up with your own crummy-metaphor... I got to have me some of that good stuff in mine.    

Additional Resources

  I don't deal with advertising for anything, but when I see things that I really appreciate I'm happy to do so freely... with that said, If you aren’t making good use of Andrew Huberman’s free educational pod-casts – Huberman Lab -- then consider doing so, you really have no clue what you are missing. The following videos are some of his discussions with Paul Conti regarding many of the topics covered in this essay… I love listening to a couple of doctors speaking in a minimally-educated guy’s vocabulary – these guys don’t assume that listeners completed a bunch of required reading, and already know all the technical vocabulary.  I really appreciate listening (and watching) intelligent, seemingly healthy, and uncompromised doctors converse, especially when they want to educate folks that aren’t a part of academia, some folks want to learn, but university wasn’t in the plans, so to speak. The videos below provide about 15 hours of free education, there’s some real good stuff below… now do some exercising of that wonderful melon of yours :-)

First, here's a great stand-alone Episode (2 hrs, 24 min):  https://youtu.be/IOl28gj_RXw
 ... that podcast is your meat-n-potatoes, cut to the chase episode.

 ... if you appreciated that one, then you probably want to check out their series... they are all free. Huberman has sponsors, so you get some commercials, usually at the beginning, similar to the stand-alone episode:
Series Episode 1 (3 hrs, 49 min):  https://youtu.be/tLRCS48Ens4
Series Episode 2 (3 hrs, 15 min):  https://youtu.be/qPKd99Pa2iU
Series Episode 3 (3 hrs, 4 min):  https://youtu.be/eMqWH3LYiII
Series Episode 4 (2 hrs, 41 min):  https://youtu.be/yOJvm_ri_hk


  I also posted an expanded version of this essay on substack, I put it at the bottom.  If you think you want to read more, you may want to strap yourself in before you consume it, the reading isn't as dense as the part you just read, but still difficult for some folks to get through ...  cheers  --  ct
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