Look, this is just a blog.  I write with little regard for proper technique, or rules of grammar... i'm basically an untrained novice writer who started blogging as a form of therapy once the covid-era began, and my livelihood changed forever... i split up this web-site to have a section geared toward my political opinions and complaints, and another one for my philosophical and religious opinions, but this page is just the blog part... with that said--I write for my own mental-health, as history for my family, and for anyone else that cares to read... i like to consume information, process it for a bit, and regurgitate while connecting some useful patterns... and, i complain a lot, too... the Reader should understand that i'm a world-class complainer... respectfully yours, chris.

 March 2024
03-29-24:  listening to some sciency-guys talk about sleep... they preached a good message, and i'm going to take more logical steps to improving my sleep duration and quality... i definitely have some bad behaviors and routines that i need to reconcile, and be more mindful of... seems like a psychopathic and capitalistic society encourages mania to the point of exhaustion for those who earn the income for modern 'sadducees' who are too smart for their own good (those who require reconciliation of the soul)... i don't love communist societies, or universal basic-pay... but i've gotten much healthier, and have less anxiety since my physiological-needs have been met (by means of VA disability)... i'm not focused on building an empire, so i'm using my time to help myself get better, and trying to help others too... i'll let the economists and policy-makers squabble about details, and the pros and cons of appropriate governing systems, and responsible use of resources (tax-revenue), but it's the capitalist-sadducees who have used and abused others, and accumulated/collected too many resources that are forced to make everyone pay more in tax-revenue to support folks who aren't healthy, and haven't figured out how to get more healthy...
 ... anyhow... the sciency-doctor dudes are talking about natural-order (in their own way), that if we are reasonably-healthy and normal, most sleep-problems resolve themselves as we take the time to analyze our problems, understand cause and 'affect', and make logical decisions to make changes that will eventually ensue... they are encouraging folks to dwell in reality, not the virtual-reality full of excuses and deflections that we typically employ to make excuses for being dummies (for how ever long that takes)... anyways... doctors that are interested in teaching physical/physiological aspects of reality are saints in their own right... maybe they can off a bit while they try to reconcile their own D-K paradox, but you should hear the overlap between sciency-people and religion... i feel like an idiot for gas-lighting the whole scientific community due to a small percentage of influential psychos/sickos, in religion they call that cults... i don't what they call in science... some cracker-ass fruit-loop that licked too many frogs over the years... i dunno, i dropped out of college after 2/3 of a semester, so i don't know all of the lingo those folks utilize... but maybe cracker-ass cult-leaders is something even they can understand...
 ... crap... ran out of writing time... got some responsibilities to attend to... BTW, what's with all the fvcking rain and cold lately... that ground-hog has some splain'n to do... ya furry little varmint, still feels like winter... but alas... spring is awakening slowly, like me after a shitty-night's sleep... so, what-EVER... God bless  --  ct

 03-29-24 later:  there is this dynamic that happens around guys when we get together... if we are pretty well, and even when we love each other like brothers we bust on each other a bit... we practice our own form of tribalism/racism... we just do that because it's what we do... if someone isn't well, and maybe exhausted/overwhelmed and is fragile in their emotional-health vs. reality then it might look to outsiders like we are being cruel-beasts... but folks that are pretty healthy/well know who they are, are confident in their relationship with reality, and still like to take some given-and-take ego-bustin shots at each other... it keeps us humble and honest and lets folks know our state of health... here are some examples that i can think of... since i'm Christian and many Jewish folks are not, it's just too easy to pick on Jews, even those who are seekers... they got them big-ass noses, like some God-given shelf to hold them glasses in place, they are so fvcking lucky... my nose is thin on top, and big on the bottom, it's an impressive fountain during allergy-season, but shit... my glasses don't stand a chance of surviving very long, they keep sliding off my melon, even into the pisser a time or two, but my Jew-brothers got them genetics to help with that frustrating shit... and i got some black-brothers... some are blacker then ten fvcking shadows, i'm afraid of steppin on their long-ass feet thinking they were some quiet shadows just chillin beside me... but most of them are tall enough to reach the fruit on the trees for me, and i'm better at picking up shit they dropped, maybe turning the grounded rotten fruit into more rich soil... oh shit... what else do we got, fvck race, how about other cultures... maybe them big noisy scary biker-dudes, can't figure out how to afford a decent car that'll keep the rain off, yet know how to make their bikes louder than hell, big bunch of noisy brothers right there... and then the fvcking political-retards, folks that assume they know better than anyone else about managing other people's money, and manipulating their actions/behavior -- complete morons to other people that live in cultures and sub-cultures that the political smart-asses don't know shit about, yet delusionally assume they are the better managers... yeah, i know about you folks too...
 ... as we enter this political-season, where division is king, and unhealthy-fragile people get trigger-happy by inciting assholes / douche-bags / demons and mocking-birds, let's show each other a little love and authentic fellowship, knowing that we are all different, we all have strengths and weaknesses, and work together to make any team/side/religion/race work better... but if any of you homos start talking about short-little balding unconditioned white Italian/Irish American men, then we got ourselves some problems... hee Hee HEE... love you all, even my ugly brothers... what'd your pregnant mama's fall down the stairs too many times... what's up... cheers -- ct
03-28-24:  just heard of another passing of another honorable man, another Christian that self-actualized long enough to positively-impact many other seekers of reality, teaching folks how to reconcile our souls back to our Creator the best way he knew how... and using his body and mind to do so... congratulations Roy Stewart... sorry i never answered your last question, but maybe God let's you see it for yourself, but i dunno how that stuff really works though ;-)  --  ct

03-28-24 later:  just experienced a last-suppah/seder thinga-ma-bob... that was some good stuff right there... i'm pretty much an ignorant American-Italian/Irishmen... so learning the Jew-stuff is wicked cool... the authentic Jewish-woman that hosted the gig said that i don't need a special Jew-card to get the book she was reading from, she said i can just amazon that sucker, and chuckled when i asked if i needed a Jew-card to pick up a copy... so it was good authentic fellowship with like-minded people... i love the historical and cultural lessons... and HEY... most of you Jews are pretty cool, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise... hee Hee HEE...
 ... also, it's a drive-belt that's going on the noisy-freezer in the community-hall thing, there is a sheild that's vibrating a bunch, but it's the drive-belt that needs some help... plus the door-gaskets... also, the spot-lights out front need some help, and we need to mark the appropriate switch... also, the Kids-church area needs a light-switch beside the door to the ramp...
 ... also, i just saw a few more applications of the 80/20 rule, clear as day... weird, cool, and discouraging all at the same time... i had me about two straight hours of aspergers, and now i have a bunch of seemingly random information/factors and weird notes to reconcile...
 ... also, it's time to fast, at least until Easter dinner... maybe longer, who knows... time will tell.  --  ct
03-27-24:  listened (and partly watched) J. Rogan Experience #2123, with Gary Clark Jr.... i took a few screens shots of the podcast with my phone so i can find the time-stamps of some of the more memorable parts of their conversation... and i'll pull a couple of good parts (just the notes) from the last 'Save our Parks' episode... wait til you read what a comedian with a non-Christian approved vocabulary can preach to hundreds of millions of people... and he does it about five-days per week, in between other jobs like MMA announcing and training, owning and partly managing a large comedy/night-club, performing his own stand-up routines, being a dad and husband and friend... plus doing the fun stuff he likes, billiards, archery, working-out...
 ... the old-school churches of America are only scraping the surface of effective ministry... they are like the stuffy-pastor Chuck Smith before he met Loni Frisbee, a church in need of today's 'hippies' and out-casts and sub-cultures... the new church and current church teach and minister to each other... but today's judgemental church-leaders who haven't resolved their current D-K paradox assume that they are suppose to teach, preach, and make the new church conform to their image of what 'perfect people' look like, talk like, and live... which can't be any further from the truth... the truth about church leadership is that decent ones know their time is limited, and that their ultimate goal is work themselves out of their current ministry jobs, because they are teaching other imperfect people how to do some of what they do... the church is expecting a bunch of nice people dressed in nice clothes that articulate themselves using a sub-set of vocabulary that other Christians expect to listen to... fvck that, i rather take place in a conversation with some fvcked-up hood-rats that know they are fvcked up, but know, and desire to be better and get healthier in their H:3...
 ... there are plenty of self-actualized (or partly self-actualized) prophets and teachers and seekers that Christians refuse to give the time of day to... I'll show you what JR is preaching to hundreds of millions of people (but in his own language and style)... he preaches something awfully-close to the new-testament (in his JR-way), and also brings up the signs/reality of our time... but, he doesn't consider himself a spiritually-gifted person because he isn't supper religiousy, but he actually lives his 'faith/whatever' in his most authentic and meat-headed self... the church doesn't preach that we are allowed to be meat-heads without some churchy Sadducee [1] or Pharisee [2] correcting our ill-manored and imperfect use of a few words, or our clothing selection, or how we addressed each other... anyways Joe Rogan's most recent sermon will follow, after i get my second mug of coffee going on around here, and go back through the screen-shots, and write down the ideas that he preached to hundreds of millions of people... cheers... ct

  [1] Sadducees were upper-class wealthy men mostly from Jerusalem who made up the Jewish aristocracy.
  [2] Pharisees came from all economic classes but were distinguished by their rigid adherence to specific behavior prescriptions arising from their interpretation of the ambiguities in the Torah.

03-37-24 later:
 * doing things that you like to do, exercising gifts/talents for employment/self-sustainability
 * live where you have peace (outside of city-distractions for Rogan and Clark)

03-27-24 laterer:  feel free to read my free and un-emotional opinion of maryland's latest man-made crisis over on the political-page (remember, this whole web-site blog-thing is just unprofessional opinions of an adult American Citizen)... the problem with the stages of war that we under right now is that today's sadducees and pharisees don't mind a 'little bit of collateral damage' to deploy another man-made crisis/disaster (not to be confused with the way they exploit natural-disasters as well) in order to achieve their pre-determined goals/objectives... for those who don't have the ability to adjust their periphery to consider geo-political world-government cause/affect based on human-nature and desires, and either don't posses IQs within a couple-two-three deviations of most folks, or don't wish to dwell on harsh aspects of reality, or are just too busy, or distracted, or maybe involved with other interests/things to really notice current things like geo-political world-government cause/affect based on human-nature and desires combined with today's sadducees (money and power-hungry conspirators, shot-callers... the dark-triade of mental-illnesses) and pharisees (tools and useful-idiots drones/zombies/puppets that idolize the sadducees and crave the power and resources accumulated by elite-class)... for those who don't have the capacity to understand conspiratorial chess executed/played-out by rich fvck-heads who leave a wake of destruction that regular-normal people have to clean-up after, and pay for in ways that our income-taxes were not meant to be utilized and exploited by rich douche-bags... well, please allow me to explain how wars/reconstruction, disasters/reconstruction are typically exploited, and other larger networked-elites that play chess with the lower-level sadducees... mentioning high-IQ isn't a belittling thing, or a boastful thing, it just means that folks with higher-IQs can generally string together multiple aspects of reality, and apply and scale those principles over multiple-fields and disciplines... since effective conspiracies require many moving parts (mechanical cause/affect-effect), i will do my best to explain a few things to the reader, in the best way that i can at the moment... the ship fvck-up below serves multiple purposes for networked sadducees (with networked resources), and their useful-idiot pharisees, and triggered unhealthy people:

the bridge will cost a shit-ton of money to replace; there is a shit-ton of cargo that is ruined or will be lost which require a shit-ton of money to replace; fuel lost or spilled will cost a shit-ton of money to replace, and a shit-ton of money in clean-up damages... unfortunately tax-payers, and insurance-paying people will pay a huge price for this man-made disaster/crisis/sabotage, experience the burden of it while sadducees who have 'diversified their portfolios' seem to do remarkably well while the broke and sick folks pay the price for the sabotage/crisis

the fuel being wasted and/or conveniently 'spilled/leaked' will cause damage aquatic and avian wild-life, and further polluting our environment, and other critters and fish and birds that we have to eat (see 'economic-sabotage') ; the fuel-consumed in this man-made crisis will put further stress on our limited supply of fuel (see 'economic-sabotage')... unfortunately tax-payers, gov't-employees, non-profits, for-profits will have to fund AND clean-up after this man-made crisis (covid-19 was another good example of a man-made crisis, a 'naturally derived pathogen which escaped from a wet-market'... maybe, i dunno, probably about a 3-iron from an NIH-funded bio-weapons lab that weaponizes naturally derived pathogens under the guise of immune-health--things which we aren't supposed to be doing anymore)

you ever heard the term 'emergency use authorization'... well what the fvck did you think got exploited during the covid-assault, when different networked states used their newly-endowed executive-privileges to temporarily change policies to do things like 'defund the police during man-made crisises', change the way people are encouraged to vote using 'remote' unverified means to authenticate voters using systems which are easily exploited/manipulated, emplored ever bit of 'networked' media and influencers to sell the objectives/messages/propaganda of the networked sadducees and pharisees, and their whores and puppets and tools and deceived and unhealthy people... all while regular-normal people were left distracted and exhausted by the chaos that filled some of our streets, things which polluted and distracted all of the media air-waves.

 ... look, i'm just some opinionated self-proclaimed preacher of good-health... the opinions and health that i preach are what i call H:3, body, mind, and soul... and so i'm preaching to folks that we all need to get more healthy in any aspect of H:3 that we can give more attention to, and to reconcile time/reality to be remain strong in the days of the war that will present in the near future... if you don't know anything about psychological-warfare, and spiritual-warfare, and strategies of war... well... don't be a lazy-idiot/coward, it's time top catch-up a bit, you might be pretty healthy already, but you got to reconcile human-nature/instincts with current-times/reality... God bless -- ct

03-27-24 more later:  here's the state of the local church, as judged, by a genuine/authentic and proper INTJ-type... Just Church is a good foundation for a church, they are going through a growth-cycle, some of their folks are shuffling around to other churches, and JC is getting some expansion as well -- that's OK, folks are going to go to places that speak their language, and are meeting them where they are at -- that's a normal evolutionary cycle for a church 'move'... these folks (JC) are doing the right things, and preaching the right messages, but some folks (even those in leadership) are weary and a bit exhausted... your strength is coming, but not at the pace you want, but the pace you are currently able to handle, and in the ways that only God can facilitate... you folks are healthy and I love you, glad to be on your team, and in your flock...
 ... same for most of the local churches... let God lead His flock to wherever they are being ministered to based on their current situation... don't play tribalism or give into competitiveness, it's unproductive... let God do what He does; He heard our cries, and He is moving, don't get in His way; let His children feed as needed...
 ... for the larger church... most folks are getting more healthy and bold, and more folks are awakening... preach 'reality', because God is truth and only reality is truth... there are many seekers of truth and reality, but they call it other things... don't get in God's way... just assist and help as needed... keep mentoring and teaching the next group of leaders... the thing that no 'church leader', or therapist, or physical doctor will tell you is this little know secret -- that we want you to be healthy enough to not need us anymore, we'd love to witness the next generation of leaders and specialists flourish as you exercise your gifts ... we desire to see folks not only achieve 'maintenance-mode' of therapy, but to be thriving in whatever self-actualization looks like for you (leadership wants to be proud parents watching their off-spring flourish on their own), we want you to succeed and thrive as God intended you to be... but we often forget to preach that aspect of truth... but it's truth nonetheless, and should be preached for positive-growth...
 ... the church is responsible for preaching and teaching truth/reality, but some of reality is hard, and we only know what we know as 'spiritualists', so we only preach and teach what we know... no one has the inside scoop on all things God/reality... don't get in God's way, as He infuses this spiritual-expansion... God has heard the cries of the righteous and bold, and is answering our prayers... don't get in His way, ride this wave of spiritual influx/strength/revival as you can properly discern... exercise more of your convictions and passions... leadership's strength is coming... God's favor is actually already here, now do your jobs, and assist with God's flow, and His will, and His gifts/power, etc... some folks can probably articulate/communicate this much better than I, but this is all I got, i'm just a commoner with some weird gifts that I don't recall asking for (just like most regular-normal people)... now exercise yours gifts and strengths and talents too... continue that sustainable-loop of upward evolution... cheers. -- ct
03-26-24:   just to piggy-back on some observations from the new church... they are getting their revival, and only some are embracing it... the leadership is preaching the right truths/reality... they are just too nice about the way they try to convey a few important things that, that's what Christians do, we try to be politically-correct making every attempt to not offend or trigger anyone that might be unhealthy, instead of telling the hyper-sensitive and frail and they are unhealthy and require healings of some sorts... soft churches don't even know who modern-day prophets and teachers are... churches try too hard to form other people into the image of a perfect-peson, rather then helping work for Jesus in whatever capacity and whatever gifts/tools/talents that they currently have... some of your modern-day prophets and teachers are 'secular' comedians (joe Rogan is harsh, but striving to interpret reality, and speaks with the vocabulary of secular people, but churchy folks don't like his 'style' of communication), and many intellectuals (jordan peterson) that are striving to unpack reality as it presents itself in our current history (andrew huberman, etc.)... all imperfect people with various challenges of their own that have self-actualized to some degree, and doing something to move conversation and progress for an upward evolution of the human-species... folks that want to embrace as much of reality as they are capable of successfully sharing with other like-minded seekers... churches have forfeited their responsibility of seeking/preaching/teaching ALL aspects of reality, not just the spiritually aspects of reality... and we do so in the preferred language/vocabulary that we assume that God will only allow... we fvcking hog-tied ourselves with inefficiency, by choosing to embrace the slivers, the fringes, the bits of reality that we are most comfortable with... somewhere in our insulated safe-spaces searching for a sippie-cups looking for Jesus hand to hold when a hood-rat monster says fvck you to his homie, or what the fucks wrong with you to a situation that they know is fucked up...
 ... i'm going to put together a script/outline for a comedy-preachy-sermon thingy that will horrify many 'upstanding citizens of the church', it will impact far more people, and teach reality... and the folks that it horrifies are the folks that have become ineffective to most folks outside of church, or aren't grasping enough of the world that is going on all around us... I'll show you how it's done, because people are afraid of calling out false presentations of reality, just as we have been conditioned to do... God is moving faster than the church can keep up, but the church is only trying to help the folks that are mostly healthy, not the folks that grew-up with nasty conditions to overcome on our own journeys toward maximizing more of our God-given potential...
 ... alright... look... my fvcking coffee is colder then sh1t right now -- so pardon me while i go fetch me another mug of that tasty-vice, cuz this sh1t fvcking sucks right now... i'd only drink it if i were survival-mode or sumthin... fvcking cold-ass coffee, about piss me the fvck off  :-)  cheers -- ct
03-24-24: the new church is pretty healthy, they are saying all of the right things, preaching the right messages, there is a feeling of healthy life cycles there... i took a bunch of notes that they were teaching us, and looked at it all, and it contained an awesome and complete message of the gospels and themes and principles that Christians embrace... they deserve to grow, and be blessed, and they will be... they just need to teach people how much more potential they actually have, when they grow they may have more celebrate-recovery folks who need things that the current staff can't meet... but they seem good, and they seem to address important issues when they are aware of them, they are very healthy in this are too, they have a good model, but need more leadership and more participation form the 80-percent that haven't begun to self-actualize, or have devolved/con-tracted for their spiritual-epiphany to become realized yet... there are plenty of intelligent folks in the church too, and some extra-smart ones with at least one deviation, a few might be two or more deviations... the smart folks aren't teaching traumatized/wounded people -- who are really understanding and appreciating their resurrection story, seems like leadership is a bit stressed/exhausted -- they will be renewed -- but they need to teach others how to find their own secret/unrealized intelligence... folks don't consider talking about intelligence in preaching, or they call it gifts (which they are), but they don't use terms that on-churchy folks use, like 'intelligence'... our 'gifts' that we like to 'exercise' are really indicators of our actual intelligence-level, actual-potential versus assumed-potential... smart folks assume that less smart folks are capable of self-actualizing in what-ever capacity they are capable of, all for the will and work of God, and for sustainable generations... struggling folks have yet to realize how intelligent the really are, know that they are unique in their individuality and gifts/strengths, etc, and that the more people are exercising and teaching their skills to others, the better the church operates... folks know about scriptural verses, and some understand principles, but they are exercising their brains with challenging information, or information presented in challenging ways... i think that's how i can help... i think i can help folks learn more about themselves in various common-tests, like some of the ones that i mentioned, and how intelligent the really are, they just aren't exercising their actual gifts and talents that they haven't realized yet... i can help folks with some of that self-discovery, and offer them somewhat challenging information to consume, and get folks exercising their brains a bit... some folks do, but not nearly enough... it's been preached not to pray for wisdom and knowledge because it can lead to prideful-falls... no fvcking shit, we all fall in various ways all of the time when we aren't being mindful and present and making the most of every potential opportunity and interaction with people and our environment, but we still need to exercise our noggins in other things besides bible... in today's age we need to teach people to understand cause/effect-affect, actions having equal yet different relevant re-actions... and how we practice self-care and awareness is unfortunately too necessary... people don't seem to grasp the levels/degrees of dysfunction of things that healthy families with two healthy parents who understood simple concepts that Jesus had to remind us all about... when you are dealing with fatherless / motherless / traumatized / abused children, you have no idea what we don't know, especially those of us who were raised in such circumstances to be hypnotized by readily available commercial-television... i was a virtual-reality generation child before internet and handheld-devices replaced the big-clunky hypnotic-TV... getting folks to exercise their brains with important and stimulating information that teaches them to be healthy enough to be able to teach future generations, which is really what getting 'set-free' really is, it's self-actualizing and using more o our gifts and potential to positively impact our communities and teaching others who will benefit from our skills/talents/gifts/experience... the church requires more shop-teachers rather than technical-specialists right now... both are important, but we don't teach folks how to be more self-sufficient in being able to provide for physiological-needs... like shelter (tradesmen), nutrition (farmers ranchers etc)... you know the rest... we teach people how to capitalize on other opportunites that pay other folks to provide for more people's physiological needs... we are a cash-dependant economy on a currency which is going digital... but we aren't teaching or investing in regular people growing and raising foods that we actually need to be healthy... but we eat processed-foods out of convenience, because we don't raise enough of our foods... these are examples... i could/should maybe spend a bit more on the H:3 paper covering the things that Maslow outlined as 'physiological requirements/needs', and a bit more detail on love/safety/esteem/affection/nurturing/teaching/mentoring needs... i'll do more on that in the H:3-draft over here... i just touch on some of that stuff under the reconciling the body (physiological cause/effect-affect), and then reconciling the mind (intelligence, mind, neural-exercise)... but... i should expand a bit more, but that might make the book too long -- i don't want it to be a huge-read... but, i'm fvcking sick of the baby-step sloooow pace of the CR-metarial, it doesn't stimulate anything for weeks at a time... it's not challenging enough, and moves at a snails-pace... it's great to help stimulate good conversation (real church), but it's pace for therapy is agonizing in many respects... i might be harsh in that critism, because i was afforded four years of dep-diving in self discovery and another ressurection experience... and i have been exercising the ole-noggin' by reading lots of challenging and technical fields that i never learned about, or had forgotten... i think the thing that being an intj is helpful for, is that we like to make things more efficient if we can, we are sort of wired like that... so the value of the book would be trying to get people to self-actualize based on the concepts which i tried to articulate in the paper... reconciling the mind, reconciling the body... blah blah blah... you get it... i think the goal is actually to provide an efficient foundation to help people to help themselves to stay as healthy as they potentially can be, in order to self-actualize, and teach folks how to reconcile with God, and how the Jesus-model is the most logical based on my opinion and understanding... see what i'm sayin? the essay also has some other useful information based on some more of my observations based on looking at the world from a larger scope than most folks can't consider due to routines/busy-ness/priorities/ignorance/naivety, etc... that information should be considered relevant information, not just some added random rants... that information is important to help us be better prepared for the future, because the war goes on, this is the calm before the storm... i just want folks to be better aware of reality, it helps us to be less manipulated by chaos and confusion and folks who are clearly trying to distort reality... i can write more about motivators and strategies and techniques... but that's for another paper, probably another day... i'm about dog-tired, and never fit in a nap, dang-it... anyways... i think i can help get more folks to utilize their gifts by not just exercising their skills and talents in serving/worshiping, but by fulfilling the nurturing/need cycle/loop and further exercise it by mentoring and teaching others to be able to teach learn them and to teach it to others... everyone is capable of teaching something, gifted people need to exercise their teaching-need cycle/loop... by paying it forward... teaching and nurturing overlap, they are symbiotic by contributing to a positive, therefore, sustainable-loop... folks that have been stuck in survival-mode for long periods of time can not only have stagnant/dormant/atrophy neuro-pathways that require stimulation and exercise... because substance-abuse doesn't just cause dopamine and other hormone spikes and deficiencies, it also has tendencies to leave brain/anatomical/physiological changes... there are some decent therapies using things like magnets, and other stimulation devices or compounds, and diets, etc... there are lots of decent therapies which do not require Rx from the pharmaceutical industrial-complex/cult... but folks in recovery might still require some 'slipping' because they are now self-medicating to provide things like dopamine balancing due to physical changes to our brains (and all of the other technical stuff that i'm generalizing as our melons/brains)... there seems to be an assumption that folks that require healing should just stop doing vices right away, that's generally considered more harmful and dangerous, but a difficult concept to grasp for many... i don't know how much neuro-physio changes that psychological trauma is capable of -- and i never want to know -- but folks dedicated to safe recovery should put too much judgement on recovering-people's use of vices/therapies, but they should be tapering, with a goal to be as dependent-free as possible, which seems to happen the more that we get healthy in our H:3 totality, and eventually working with our gifts and intelligence, to be a part of a more symbiotic relationship with more of our neighbors and environment... sustainability requires as much... anyhow... i think i can help folks understand more of their potential, i hope i wouldn't take a long course to actually do that... i like the SWOT-analysis approach to understanding the myers-briggs thingy-ma-bobber, i like that approach to understand our typical thought-processes, help folks understand more of their giftings, and how to exercise them, and how to improve in some of or weaknesses and tendancies... i like that approach to individual and/or small groups (unless you are teaching-lecturing)... i think i can help folks understand more of their intellectual giftings, and help them with stimulating reading or videos, and how to be useful to others... that seems to be missing because because people don't remember to keep learning and exercising their intelligence everyday... we are literally retarding ourselves by choice... that's not sustainable.
... folks need to be taught to exercise their minds, not on just routine things -- for instance -- i love me some bible, and it often speaks to me, actually it does every-time i want to consume it, but if all you read is bible and other routine things you aren't exercising other stagnant parts of our brains, and aren't really stimulating and exercising our minds... we could teach on logical but useful information... like how to adequately hydrate ourselves, cause and affect of poor hydration, what vices or medications or environmental-factors can lead to de-hydration... cause/effect of poor physiological-health can be taught with materials covered by experts in sleep, nutrition, hydration, exercise, hygiene... you know, the other ones too... people ought to be reading stimulating information about useful things such as many of the concepts categorized by A. Maslow... that guy is pretty good with his updates to his H:3 totality, human-nature presented as motivators and natural instincts for fulfillment and sustainability-sake... a healthy, capable, and growing church will have to take on more of these formal-lessons, but we don't know what it's like to be parent-less, and growing up under very hard environments... the church forgets the simple things that alcoholics and addicts don't remember, and they don't know that many of these folks still need to use, which ought to taper as their H:3 becomes more healthy, by active-participation of people who chose to fight for their health and sanity... i don't have any intellectual-stimulation unless i'm actually trying to exercise the noggin, otherwise i do stuff like read, watch information 'pod-casts', and think, and then write, and then practice what i've learned ;-)

 ... anyhow... churchy folks don't grasp the full concept of self-actualizing, and assuming that everyone has that potential no matter what our experiences or gifts or resources/tools might be, they aren't teaching people enough about it to actually be mentoring and teaching and blessing others... with that said... i've heard our leaders and speakers articulate the self-actualization sustainable-loop in various ways, sometimes quite efficiently and creatively, but the folks that aren't growing are simply assuming that they have the limited understanding of how they used to view them-selves, it's very inefficient to not understand this as quickly as possible... some folks are more aware of their gifts than others, and some gifted people are brilliant in some things, but retarded in others... we are all bi-polar in some respects, sometimes more than others... when you are self-actualized and living in the present you might be the smartest person in the room, and then present as the village-idiot when we go sub-conscious... these recovery folks mostly fall on the doubt-side of their/my D-K paradox (these observations al spring from self-observation and reflection and seeking reality... but, they don't seem to have engaged in enough self-awareness, and reconciliation of the mind to comprehend their actual-potential, to realize how brilliant and intelligent many of them are... some of the folks that are stuck in stagnant-growth, and haven't reconciled history/experience with actual potential and current time, they don't know how smart they are, and some are only aware of some of their gifts, and not other ones that other people notice... these folks mostly just exercise their minds reading entertainment, social-media, work or hobby necessities, and bibles... most won't read challenging material about other things other then the things that are currently engaged in... routines... these folks need to exercise their minds on other good informative things about reality, i don't say this with bias due to part of my gifting, i'm saying it as someone who sees an actual problem, it's self-evident as far as i'm concerned... folks should be reading about some useful relevant science and interests... science is great, but not non-science theorized by ignorant atheistic-theorists (although they are mostly kind of smart besides their spiritual-retardation)... but you'd be surprised how much folks need to be reminded/taught self-care, self-sufficiency, nature, science, philosophy, even other religions and where Christianity overlaps with similar principles and beliefs of other religions (we are all seekers and none of us have it all correct)... seems like most of the stagnant folks that are struggling don't know their actual potential and gifts and intelligence... some folks that are more healthy have a better understanding of their potential due to current or previous success/affirmation, but some of them are exhausted by their routines and schedules and life demands, so some aren't exercising reciprocity to the extent of preparing the next higher-acheivers, and folks with better function who will be able to self-actualize in their own timing... people seem to be exhausted by demands and routines, and then we forget to be exercising the teaching/mentoring motivators... anyways... these are just some opinions and observations... our church seems to be pretty healty in preaching this concept of sustainable-loop in a very efficient way, but Rachel articulated it pretty well today... she was in the zone... everyone that practiced what they did was outstanding today... anyhow, i think i can articulate some more of this better after a good night's sleep... but that seems like a fool's errand sometimes... like last-night... good grief, Jack. -- ct
03-22-24:  just to piggy-back on the afternoon dream that i had during a well-needed nap the other day... who or what ever it was in the dream I approached, it was like they had something to offer me, and I approached with a calm humility of a seeker of truth, love, wisdom, purpose, discernment... the closer I approached their face shifted, and morphed into something of a clay, or a cave-carving or painting... it's head looked like a cyclops potato-head looking fella, with just one big 2-dimensional eye lacking detail, all like a clay carving entity that could move... and it had a slightly larger mouth... as I drew closer it took me gently by the head, gently with it hands to my ears, and pulled me in closer, and as if touching foreheads, or maybe some kiss on my forehead (actually, mine is like a 5 or 6 head these days)... the slow-gentle inertia of the touch on my head felt like an expansion of some magical kind of something... something that was powerful enough to leave me in awe, see things that i've never seen or could imagine, and woke me from my slumber/nap... i've sent this to a group of meta-religious people to see what some extra-smart folks have to say about the matter... personally-speaking, it feels, seems that God has given me something which i can't comprehend in my own mind or words yet, and yet i feel at complete peace and clam about the dream, and i have more clarity about certain things, and some direction for some more writing projects... i feel great, but sometimes a bit scared as some insight will ruffle many feathers, and i have some harsh messages for some 'important' socio and psychopaths who have plenty of resources, a huge network, and embolded by their many 'successful' operations over the years... i think this is sort of what old-time prophets probably felt like when they had to confront reality, and the evil of their days... and i think the 'prophet' thing is just the 'intuitive' part of INTJ-T is, it's just a sensitivity, and gift to adjust/vary scope/perspective/focus when connecting some dots... it also seems that God can enhance that sensitivity at His grace and timing, for His purposes...

 ... now, with all of that freakiness said... if anyone acts any differently toward me, i might punch you in your mouth, because i'm still a light-hearted hot-mess that loves being silly with authentic people, but you may want to consider some of my insight, and advice with a bit more of a grain of salt, or, mustard-seed... so, enough with the freakiness, and let's just see how this develops over time... i'm content sweeping floors for Jesus, and making some meals for Jesus, and some of the more physical/practical chores required to keep a healthy church doing what they ought to be doing... and, since i don't really love/crave much attention (my love and esteem needs are being met), i'm content to be a behind-the-scenes helper in matters of God, and religiosity... one on one, and two on one encounters and fellowship seem to be the most efficient, and beneficial to all parties... God speaks to me through other people, and their wisdom during those periods of close fellowship... everyone had much intelligence to share/offer to those who remain teachable themselves... so writing and serving seem most appropriate these days... prayers are always welcomed / encouraged / appreciated / solicited... and counsel / advice / wisdom / help and assistance... i'm smarter than average, but don't know what i don't know, so don't assume that i see everything, or have all the answers... sometimes i may, but i don't control when and how God does what He does, that's His prerogative, i'm just a recipient of information sometimes... that's what it seems like, anyways...

 ... this is what happens to the little shy, confused, observant somewhat autistic boy when they finally find their voice, and then exercises it... and i feel a bit like game-day jitters are still fluttering around the anxiety region of my being, but the peace that comes with confidence is easing the soul, and de-cluttering the mind.

 ... OK, enough about me... the sun will be up soon, and with it comes more potential for all of us... I pray that the reader will capitalize on the gifts and potential that you have, to know how you can help yourself, as you help others, and appreciate the potential of symbiotic encounters/relationships, the potential of the opportunities that you are presented with, and be vessels of God, that desire to self-actualize, and utilize/exercise your H:3 to make positive-contributions to truly make the world a better place, for our current generation, the older generations, and all of the generations which will follow... so God bless. -- ct
03-21-24:  to piggy-back on some of yesterday's blogs... it seems like the new church that came to town is facilitating a rival of sorts... i don't know if they know it or not, i didn't until quite recently... but it seems that's what's going on... it can't be stopped either, they just have to be better prepared for an influx, and to actually do the work of God... to get the low-to-medium church participants to not just offer their skills for sunday's performances and presentations, but to be using their skills to be actively mentoring and teaching those who require training to be more self-sufficient, because it's sustainable... and the folks that are very gifted/talented need to be giving formal lessons to those who have interest, or even those who need 101-primer lessons, because it's sustainable... gifted folks should be teaching already, not just passively-serving on game-day, or for employment... everybody has immense talent and potential, but few know how to realize their own, or how to help others to realize their own -- because, many people lack the foresight to be actively teaching others what they are actually gifted at... some folks do that sort of stuff pretty well, and then they earn money, and using their money to tithe, but not the rest of their resources, not to be thinking of seriously impacting future generations to self-actualize, and thrive toward doing the same sustainable/positive-loop of thriving/self-actualizing, or a baseline which extends only laterally... and guess what... i'm going to keep using the secular-term 'self-actualization' because Christians don't know what the fvck it means, because we don't teach such a concept... so fvck you if you don't like me using a psychology term because 'it isn't in the bible', some churchy-folks really bug the shit out of me sometimes because they are content in being mediocre at best... Christians better find a verse that exemplifies that term, and make that your new John 3:16, because that verse is far from complete, it's a fvcking sunday-school verse for five year olds for crying out loud... anyhow... the exponentially growing government has replace the church, the church has forfeited their active-participation to the government... partly because the church isn't teaching sustainable concepts such as how to be self-sufficient in all aspect of physiological-needs, and mentoring other people to do the same as soon as they have good understanding of their crafts/skills/talents/gifts -- or whatever their jam is...

So ... since Christians have to string together multiple verses in order to even conceptualize the meaning of 'self-actualization', i'm going to keep using it until Christians understand what the fvck it means, their passive-leaders can catch them up on that if they so chose, but it seems like a no-brainer to me... let's go lazy-ass, look it up already...

... churches need to be teaching people how to provide for their own physiological-needs, and teaching skills to those who have difficulty utilizing their actual talents and actual intelligence, and not evolving, but stuck being victimized by what-ever aspect of reality they haven't resolved themselves... it's easy to be biased, and playing team-sports about other people's religions or dysfunctions, but healthy self-reflection requires us to reconcile our own D-K paradox, and to consider our own dysfunctions... we've got 'em, some a bit more extreme than others...

... most people are far more intelligent then they give themselves credit for... it's the folks that aren't active-participants in their own lives, and are starved of esteem-needs / love-needs, etc... they went through shit-storms, have yet to reconcile some of the topics that i discussed in the H:3 essay, aren't grasping aspects of reality which are causing current dysfunction... guess what... these folks need to understand Maslow's concept of self-actualization, and understand that it's not an impossibility, it's a reality that God desires, and it's possible for everyone in whatever capacity that they are capable of effecting... but folks don't understand that concept/term, maybe because it's not a five-year old's bible-verse from sunday-school... the church is content slurping on nipples instead of eating the big fvcking steak in front of them... but even they have yet to see / comprehend / understand / contemplate / ponder... and require exercise of every facet of their H:3 totality... folks that aren't somewhat thriving, or fulfilled don't know their own self-worth yet (with the understanding that we all contract from time to time)... as mentioned in the essay, the D-K paradox/delusion works both ways... when our self-perception is severely over-inflated we may do well for awhile, but we will fall from the grace which led to our over-confidence... when our self-perception is severely under-inflated we are disillusioned in the sense that we won't consider our actual potential... we refuse to get healthy, mostly because of routine, and not facing the reality of the severity of our condition because we run on survival-mode instincts, and eventually find ourselves dragging our limp-bodies across a battle-field, and find ourselves to be the person that learned the hard-way of much of the subject covered in the parable of the dysfunctional young man rolling around in pig-shit before he got his act together, began to approach reality, that moved from pre-contemplation, to contemplation, and finally took that fvcking step into active-participation... and the naive-subject of that parable eventually had his own resurrection story, maybe have even self-actualized... who knows...

... listen here churchy-folks, and the rest of you normal-regular people who appreciate embracing reality -- who have sort of noticed the growth and momentum of insanity and evil which we recently found ourselves in... God has heard the cries of the righteous, help is on the way, but none of you are adequately prepared for that which comes, not even the physical representations of the church... God's people and army need to join in, things will get worse before they get better... and we have to be healthy in order to do so, some of you are already exercising your H:3, good on you, now pass your wisdom on to those who will require it for sustainability-sake... God has heard your prayers, help is coming, you won't expect the different kinds of folks that will participate, all of the seekers of reality, and those who appreciate our God... your spiritual expansion is coming, you better take it while you got it... if you grasp firmly to reality your gonna love it... cheers -- ct

03-21-24 later: if religiousy-folks want to submerse themselves in reality, and the people around them whom require more spiritual-reconciliation of their H:3, and a bit more of reality then/than what they have insulated themselves from, then watch J. Rogan podcast number 2122... it's four professional and very successful comedians being authentic and doing what they do when guys get together, and let our guards down, and then do guy-things... such as practicing tribalism but in a well-balanced way -- busting on each other's ancestry, peculiarities and idiosyncrasies without getting offended or triggered... here's an example, sometimes some brothers of mine get together and call each other shit like cock-suckers and gangsta-thugs, and all kinds of other things, anything that good friends who have a deeper-bond than our differences and/or backgrounds will chide each on about... the funny thing about the things that they call each other, one is gay and recently shared more of his resurrection-story to a bunch of other like-minded brothers and sisters (and anyone else who watched)... and the other is a former gangster who is an opportunist who did what his environment seemed to offer best before he committed to Jesus (similar things that everyone does when we contract to a form of survival-mode, when we are too smart for our own good, because we have yet to apply our gifts and talents to help expand God's kingdom)... but, they are like-minded brothers, both coming into their prime in their passions, focus, and missions -- they have had their own unique resurrection stories, but still authentic enough that their 'rough around the edges' bothers some other brothers and sisters, sometimes past their comfort-zones, for reasons that they might have to resolve themselves... none of them or their history bothers me... in fact, i fvcking love it -- i love me a great resurrection-story... they ought to be teaching their judgemental brothers and sisters about the reality of the world which the holy have insulated themselves from, and don't help enough with... i could go on and on... but i had some really good authentic conversation with some folks that weren't trying to pretend that they have/had any vices, and didn't come from some tough back-grounds, and i was authentic enough to offer the same reality right back... tough back-grounds that more financially blessed folks don't like to contemplate sometimes... finances/resources/gifts can provide better opportunity to meet our physiological, and safety-needs... and the longer we are 'in Christ' the more we become attached to those around us (our 'safe-environments'), and what needs that other people might be starved of, and how to help them find their own self-sufficiency... but that's entirely too near-sighted... it should be everyone's goal to help as many people self-actualize to their own actual-potential, and to not assume that others won't be blessed with added-potential, as they exercise more and more of their own current-potential, and God blesses their refocused endeavors... the more distracted we become with our own routines and frustrations and obstacles the less we consider those around us... self-actualization requires us to to be more lateral in this regard, to have better situational-awareness, where we consider other people's actual-needs... if religiousy-folks don't care to ponder this post for all it's worth, and invest in other people's potential, well, they can go buy themselves a fvcking clydesdale-sized dildo and shove it up their ass, and don't bother with any lube... if that offends you then you have no idea who requires ministry, you aren't hitting the mission-field, you are living in an insulated-bubble/environment, church happens through conversation, not busy routines... to self-actualize we slow our pace down to reality, and consider proper priorities, we don't just invest our money, we invest our time to help those outside of our comfort-zone... we don't get healthy to enjoy a retirement someday, we get healthy to teach others what we've learned, not just book-knowledge (bible-verses), but all aspects of H:3, and how to reconcile their history with the reality that they have so munch more potential than they assume... we get healthy to teach other people how to get healthy, and not by a bunch of dogma and rules nad how to conform... we get healthy to teach people how to be self-sufficient enough to keep church alive in our hearts/minds/soul, not to be dependent, but to know God, and live in His freedom exercising our H:3 totality...
 ... i hope i offended most readers, some can laugh at it, but most will be highly-offended because we just don't talk like that around here... tough shit, offending people is part of the job, if you can't handle shock-comedy then you have no idea of your surroundings, you've turned your backs to reality, and wonder why people aren't filling your pews / benches / chairs, you wonder why you have become stagnant, because you stopped exercising some of your H:3, and only know how to talk to your own, you need to reconcile your priorities... you keep losing the culture-wars because you only minister to the easiest, those among you, or those who talk and behave just like you... i hope i made my point; but, here's a bit more... Jesus met people where they were at, didn't expect them to conform to his preferences, and helped them to be more of the people that God intended them to be, and to self-actualize in their own individual-ways, individual-capacities, at their individual-timing, you have become ineffective because you are too near-sighted to see other people's potential, which means that you haven't resolved your own D-K paradox, and you are simply projecting your lack of faith on others that you refuse to learn how to communicate with, or maybe you haven't fully reconciled your soul yet... that special-prayer you prayed decades ago, that was a new beginning, not an end to anything... that special prayer was you jumping in God's sustainable-cycle of reciprocity... how are you really paying it forward, is it only to others who look like you and talk like you... God is providing the help that you requested, He has heard the cry of the righteous, and His help is at the door-step... but it's time to re-adjust our priorities, and jump back in on all of the fun... people need too be healthy to survive the next battle, and to begin fighting, not forfeiting our H:3 to the enemy, who has all of the momentum... help and strength is coming, but things will get much worse before it get's better, and only the healthy folks who exercise their H:3 will be able to sustain the battle, and to help those who will need our help... the church will get it's expansion, but don't just keep it to yourselves this time, it's time to spread the wealth, so to speak... victim-hood as an excuse to get healthy, and to prevent approaching reality can get a fortune-cookie full of Jn 3:16, and share it with the rest of the fifth-graders... God's people need a new meme, and it's not Jn 3:16, because that one doesn't tell you how to approach our potential, with the goal to self-actualize... so I'm going to quote Maslow more than the bible, because bible-people seem to be missing the sustainability-concept, reality encompasses more than a bible, but those who look to it for everything forfeited their ability to communicate like the rest of the world, the rest of reality... and we can all do more, but need to reconcile our H:3, and exercise all of it... the conspansive-theory applies to certain areas of H:3-growth at different times, the very healthy can manage all three very well, until they can't, because contraction is reality for most as well, whether it be body, mind, or soul... the reader may need to give some more attention to one aspect of H:3 that may be lacking... we don't always have big spiritual-expansion, so take it when God offers... God is offering help, now be an active-participant during this season, join in on all of the fun, and be prepared to minister to even more, maybe in different capacities, because you have many skills that you might not be teaching others who will need to learn, so they can teach others... that's a sustainable-loop, so quit being so near-sighted... you aren't prepared for revival or fighting... it's time to reconcile priorities, so you can be more healthy, and better prepared for war...
... Jesus didn't isolate himself from folks who weren't 'perfect' by other people's standards, because none of us ever were, or ever will be 'perfect' ourselves, the closest we ever came was at birth, we were born as perfect as we will ever be, but we fall from that grace, and we all have our ressurection story, and must self-actualize, not give-up... as a spiritual-expansion comes, people need to drop their assumptions and expectations of what other people 'should' be like, and check their own H:3 health/heart, it's time to get healthy, because future generations are counting on us, don't lose sight of that logical concept of sustainability... God bless -- ct
03-20-24:  i may not have interpreted yesterday's dream correctly, but it was still awesome -- and weird... i don't remember my dreams much, under the influence of Ambien Rx i don't remember ANY dreams... so the little dreams that i do have when the ambien wears-off, or during naps, or when i actually sleep without any ambien are pretty cool... sometimes... but other sometimes they are more disturbing... dreams are weird... melatonin and DMT combine to do whatever it is they do for us... humans are awesome creations... and little-tiny glands that look like acorns are gifts we often take for granted...

 ... so here's my facey-book post (but i made a few changes/updates below), and then you can go back and read the post below from yesterday, and mush them together... and then the bible story about the one gifted guy who gave his portion to his understudy when he 'was called up to heaven'... and i think that's maybe why i interpreted yesterday's nap-dream (not to be confused with a pipe-dream) the way that i did, some folks are really into dreams and meanings, i almost never have dreams, so it's never feeled relevant, until i have one that wakes me, or weirds me out somehow:

   Yesterday was weird and awesome, an old wise man and friend who I hadn’t seen in years was ready to pass / graduate / meet our Maker… but I wouldn’t find out until the next day. I did a few things like clean floors for Jesus earlier in the day, made some food for Jesus right after that, and then had some decent fellowship / authentic-conversation / chit-chatt’n with some like-minded brothers, the icing on the cake … the Universe paid me back ten-fold while 'serving' with the ensuing fellowship, and then some unexpected treats to boot… And then today I hear of the passing of an old friend, a decent guy that learned to use his gifts, talents, resources, and time to try to bless others, and teach them to find their own gifts, talents, resources, and time to then reciprocate, and repeat a loving and sustainable future… not to just bless our generation, but to make sure that future generations appreciate reality as it was meant to be, that's what 'sustainability' is all about… I like to think that I learned from the white-haired old-timer that made positive-impacts on the sized environment that he was capable of blessing… in some respects I’d like to think Ron ‘self-actualized’ (as defined by Maslow), but in my heart I’d just like to say that he graduated, and is embracing a whole new reality that I can’t really fathom… Rest easy Brother… thanks for teaching me a few things, whether you knew it or not, and sorry for not learning some of the stuff that you were probably trying to teach me.

 ... and then here's the blog-post from yesterday:

... another busier than usual day today, stacked on top of another shitty night's sleep... so i slipped me a nap in between life, had a cool yet weird dream that's kind of hard to explain right now, but it was something like me approaching something, and it took my head by it's hands, pulled me in close enough to touch foreheads, and it was like it imparted something awesome that i can't really explain... and after i woke up and tried to get my self awake and alert to carry on about my chores, it seemed like i kind of likened it to an old-timer that i appreciate that just passed away was gifting a little piece of himself to me, it was like i got to inherit something special from him... i know, all sounds kind of weird... but it was a cool dream, that seemed crazy-real, and it was moving... and then later i sort of tried to make some sense of it... and i don't know if i did, but it felt like Ron blessed me with a little bit of his spirit... anyhow... great day, awesome nap... had some fellowship with an older brother that's in a place that's giving him some extra care that he seems to require... nice organic conversation... awesome... then i came home, grilled a shit-ton of various sausages for dinner, shared a bunch of them and some of the rice with a neighbor, and then we just finished about 2.5hrs of unexpected organic conversation... pretty awesome day... an old buddy graduated, and transitioned to whatever it is that awaits us... well done Ron, good for you brother....

  Begin forwarded message:
  From: Ron Mills
  just making sure you remember them - obviously should have forwarded them to you a little bit earlier - 8 pictures here: http://www.jolxh.abraief.com/ 

  “Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.“ — Calvin Coolidge
[end forwarded email... i'm just pasting this in after i wrote the rest, I thought it was inspiring enough to share]

 ... so when you moosh those things together... i end up scratching my head a bit, and just receiving it as some type of blessing that the Universe offered, and i think i received it, just don't really know what it's all about yet -- dreams are just weird, and spiritual stuff is probably equally as weird... i don't have some great insight of any of anything, but i don't feel that i need to... i like some mystery, it gives me some warmth, and sense that i'd go mad with too much knowledge... so, i feel some comfort knowing that i'll know what i need to know when i need to know it... sometimes I HAVE to know more about weird stuff like dreams and spiritual interpretations, and i take a deep-dive in learning more... but not now... nooope... i've got a few more papers that i'm motivated to write... one is just some observations about churches, the way we do what we do, motivators, priorities that we are passionate about, and some that probably need more attention... i've been predominantly 'unchurched' for close to a decade, so i don't have room to really talk, but -- you know --everyone's got an opinion, and sometimes i'm way too opinionated... n'ah hah hah.. my buddy Craig has accused me of that reality on more then one occasion... whaddup Little Buddy ;-)
 ... and the other one is a better lesson regarding some of the realities of the coordinated biological, psychological, and financial attack that I touched on in the H:3 essay... some new churchy folks are going to want to understand more of that reality when they glance over it while helping my with edits, and making sure that I didn't get anything Christianity-wise incorrect, or if I left out too much... I consider myself accountable to church leadership, and love everyone's input, and consideration for some of the essays that i write... i'm a complete novice-writer that only started doing so because I was having some friction and difficulties in life leading up to the bio-phase of the attack was initiated, but I was one of the casualties of the chaos/destruction/confusion attacks, and the ensuing financial-attacks and psychological-attacks which were successfully deployed via ubiquitous media-devices attached to the internet... i was one of those causalities... and then i also caught the fvcking germ at an inconvenient-time, and had a mild-flu for a week or so, not bad for an unconditioned who sat on his ass during the ww3-attacks... anyhow... i feel that some nice folks will probably want to vet me out regarding this matter, and for me to consider taking a risk-assessment exam or sumthin... and since most folks understand that the Trump-years and then the ensuing Mandates-years were pretty fvcking weird, and began to see that some so-called 'conspiricies' were actually being proven correct, i feel like it's my duty to articulate an over-view of the various attacks as I understand them... it's all just conspiracy-theory on my part... i have lot's of opinions, and theories... the beautiful thing about 'theories' is that they assumed to be fact, until they can verifiably be proven to be incorrect... so -- like I say -- if anyone can prove any of my theories to be incorrect, I'll write an addendum... that's how theories sort of work :-)

03-20-24 later:  there was another paper too, crap, glad i didn't forget... one about church energy/priorities/future-plans and stuff... one about geo-political warfare... and then something about 'relational-fellowship blessings' and symbiotic-growth, probably like serving with time/presence; i'm learning a bit about that lately... as i've been getting somewhat healthier, and i'm disabled to the point where I have some time on my hands, i've been learning about inter-personal relationships, and how every meeting should be mutually beneficial... it's probably going to be something like that... OK, so note self... those are the next three, but i want to get working on the companion-guide, or just 'questions for consideration' to accompany that H:3 theseis-thingy that i keep mentioning... you shouldn't really need any questions if you are open and honest with yourself, but folks can easily weird-out emotionally when they grasp some important aspects of traumas or dysfunctions... if you consider the INTJ-thing, and the fact that i have no formal-training on assisting folks in dealing with emotions, I don't want to assume too much, so it seems like using the H:3 theory as a group-study foundation is still the best approach to using it to try to help unhealthy folks get healthy, to self-actualize, so we can get the next generation for God's revival... so that's why i think the theory is good to help folks be better prepared to get folks as healthy as possible for the next wave of attacks... there were far too many casualties of the last eight-years... too many victims that overwhelmed and confused healers had to clean-up the pieces from... people need to be healthy, another wave is coming, and America's aggressors are emboldened, and have access to many resources... God is offering revival, but we've grown distracted and lethargic, are barely healthy and/or over-occupied ourselves to be able to handle the sick that will require healing... i don't care if any of the H:3 thing is even used, but the fundamentals are solid enough to use whatever tools necessary to get sick people healthy enough to fight for themselves, the time to run from reality is gone, and everyone must assume more responsibility, to adequately prepare others... God is knocking at the doors of your church, but you aren't prepared for the crowds... everyone is going to increase and get healthy, or they are probably going on a different journey/speed/pace... but leadership is not adequately prepared for what's coming... God has heard the cries of righteous people, and his team has been dispatched, you could call it 'revival' if you want to, that's sort of the way that I understand the term... but the enemy has all the momentum, and there will be a greater than equal opposite force of God's power... we are not prepared for it... now is the time to exercise, get as healthy as possible, cling to reality, and help others do the same thing at the same time... or... we could continue to do the same thing over and over again expecting to lose ground to the enemy... I think us Christian-types call it satan, or the devil, or some other words that i don't really care to familiar myself with at the moment.

 So, i kind of feel like that's what God's been ministering to me personally... and if any of this applies to you, then sweet, glad i could help... i don't really know how to use my new-found writing hobby... but, if i were self-actualize, i would probably be doing something to offer other people some useful information about things that i've learned over time, and then try to maybe give some useful advice, and then try to utilize some predictive-modeling types of logical opinions whenever that seems applicable... I think that's what Maslow was sort of saying/implying, something like that... maybe that H:3 paper is what happens when an INTJ begins to self-actualize, and really tries to be sensitive to as much of my H:3 as possible, all depending on what expands, or contracts according to a human-sized subject of a conspansive-manifold model... sumthin like that... enough geeking-out... i'm gonna grab me a coffee, so how-bout pray that i get the coffee to sugar to cream ratio juuust-right... peace -- ct  [update, the coffee was great, and now i have to wrestle with some frickin dishes].
03-19-24:  another busier than usual day today, stacked on top of another shitty night's sleep... so i slipped me a nap in between life, had a cool yet weird dream that's kind of hard to explain right now, but it was something like me approaching something, and it took my head by it's hands, pulled me in close enough to touch foreheads, and it was like it imparted something awesome that i can't really explain... and after i woke up and tried to get my self awake and alert to carry on about my chores, it seemed like i kind of likened it to an old-timer that i appreciate that just passed away was gifting a little piece of himself to me, it was like i got to inherit something special from him... i know, all sounds kind of weird... but it was a cool dream, that seemed crazy-real, and it was moving... and then later i sort of tried to make some sense of it... and i don't know if i did, but it felt like Ron blessed me with a little bit of his spirit... anyhow... great day, awesome nap... had some fellowship with an older brother that's in a place that's giving him some extra care that he seems to require... nice organic conversation... awesome... then i came home, grilled a shit-ton of various sausages for dinner, shared a bunch of them and some of the rice with a neighbor, and then we just finished about 2.5hrs of unexpected organic conversation... pretty awesome day... an old buddy graduated, and transitioned to whatever it is that awaits us... well done Ron, good for you brother.  --  ct
03-18-24:  awesome day, it started pretty typical, then got busy as i set out to bless/serve in the little ways that i can... all of my blessings came back around in some other ways, and i was blessed back ten-fold with fellowship, friendship, and some treats to boot... seems like you can bless folks with money if you have money to share; but time, attention, and some good authentic conversation with like-minded people is what God desired today... i even stayed out past my desired bedtime, and wasn't a cranky-ass... weird.  --  ct
03-15-24:  Listened to, and watched a few J Rogan podcasts this week -- Riley Gaines, Katt Williams, James Lindsay.   Also watched Tucker's podcast with Chris Cuomo... i'll connect some dots shortly... so much reality covered in ten-hours of conversation, some folks can't get past the messengers, or, some of their imperfections, theories, and previous words and actions... but, all seekers of truth doing their best to resolve many of the paradoxes -- within themselves, and of our time... i love this stuff.  --  ct

03-15-24 later:  Had a good call with a publishing dude, very insightful... right now i'm leaning toward going with their services, and either need to raise some money, borrow some, or start a monthly-plan sort of thing... they are all feasible options, ones which to pray about... spend money to make money, to pay old debt, and get some helpful information into the hands of people that want help... that's sort of the logic here... we'll see how it goes, time will tell.

 When we consider the 'fact' that WW3 has already begun, albeit more passive then what folks expect from a world-war, we should consider some info from different people talk about the psychological battle-field which they have experienced themselves:
 * Riley Gaines, a high-performing athlete, otherwise a normal gal who was told to accept a false version of reality, one which robbed her collegiate athletic-crescendo... a delusional-reality where a grown-ass man, penis and all, wearing woman's swim-suits, was offered a 'stolen-valor' trophy and accolades by enemies of the state, and their American tools.  
  * Why were so many American tools/pawns/puppets/mocking-birds marketing, advertising, forcing this distorted-perception of reality?
  * Why was she passively threatened to shut-up about her objection to insanity by those who played the 'scholarship-card' against her? 
 Passive-aggressive threats and suggestions are the order of the day... these threatening suggestions targeted anyone who called-out the nonsensical chaos and distractions presented by the social-marxist cult, including the dept of justice, and using it's hired thugs/tools/drones to enforce the delusional distortion of reality which most normal people didn't fall for... a preventative measure to make sure that obstacles to the American-tool's narrative/nonsense would be stifled. 
 * Joseppi Rogan,
03-13-24:  Joe Rogan conversing with Kat Williams, a couple of heteros... eventually they start talking about Sodom and Gommorah... a minute later they abruptly excuse themselves to take a 'pee brake'... they come back, try to compose themselves, and continue to talk more about the subject... hazy-optics fellas... just busting on youz guyz   ;-)

03-13-24 later:  finished the best draft that i could today, got it on the substack-thingy... then i had to audacity to ask some very smart/busy professionals that have no business answering some random person's request for input... Langan, Huberman, Conti, and Wolf... it'll be interesting if any of them respond/help... Huberman and Conti's series on mental-health is why i asked them, they know what they know, and can tell if i'm naive or wrong about some parts... Wolf is a literary-pro, she's been exercising her passion and gift for decades now, and understands the publishing business as good as anyone... and Langan has influenced a bunch of my pondering for a few years now, and i'm sure he'd be the most technical/critical of the bunch, and his Mrs ought to know plenty about psychology, but she's Chris' gate-keeper, so not holding my breath... four requests to the cosmos, will any of them answer back, and offer some validation, and/or solid advice... time will tell... non-reply won't stop me from continuing on my journey, i'm just doing what i think i ought to do... i think God will bless this endeavor, don't know how, when, or anything else for that matter, but chugging along as i think i should.  --  ct
 03-12-24:  aaawe, the universe is following me... and called me 'beautiful'... that's one way to stoke the ego.  Hello Universe, i hope our relationship will be fruitful. I really don't like 'followers', but, whatever :-)
03-11-24:  not blogging much, tying to wrap up a large-format post/thingy... a few notables today... Laura left work early sick... a horse from a local stable had a lone adventure, which ended very well in front of the house... and, the wind blew a tree into a power-line and knocked the power out for an hour or so... OK, back to finish the essay... cheers -- ct
 03-05-24:  didn't write much today, it was a pretty weird one... unexpected illness, unexpected driving, an afternoon nap... lot's of weird stuff.  i have a rather nasty post to write soon, it makes my heart heavy, and it seems a bit scary to write it, and... and... and... the 'ands' are the defense-mechanisms, and stalling-tactics which i seem to be employing... but, i'll write despite the way that it makes me feel... i'd much rather write about pleasantries, but i suppose i'm not really that type of writer... pray for me, for clarity, precision, and timing.  --  ct
 03-04-24:  i'm putting most of my writing efforts into this project lately, that's the one that will sell first, and the other projects will fall into place after this first one is finished... then, i'll have at least two more 'follow-ups' to help earn some income... i don't know how any of this is going to really work, but it will... the newest idea is going to be something along the lines of 'what does it look like when an INTJ-T self-actualizes'... OK, gotta go... couple-a errands to run.  --  ct
03-02-24:  Ecclesiastes, and stuff... dude about gave me an anxiety-attack trying to get through the first few chapters... Solomon was quite the poet/drama-king... he had a way with words... good stuff right there...  i think i can bust-out a new book this week, i've got some good progress, and direction, so the rest is just concentrating long enough to complete my thoughts... not sure if the second draft will be all prim/proper, or if i'll just clean-up the first draft a bit... time will tell, i'll strip-out much of the political stuff, to keep it relevant for future consideration, but i'll leave an 'unabridged' version online, for history-sake; as the covid-assault wasn't some weird thing that happened, it's one of the most significant events that's happened in maybe a hundred years, or so... Jon's statement/insight regarding seniors, as a group to help with the material, is really interesting... in my mind i was thinking that the target-audience would be folks younger than me, but he has ministry experience, and insight that i don't, so now i have to re-think things a bit... i can probably do age-appropriate versions, that would include topics relevant to different generations... but if Jon know's that there is a big need for seniors, they would be the first group to tailor the vocabulary... also, younger folks probably hate my writing-style, and old-guy words and expressions... anyhow, i made some good progress today, and i have a good vision for the rest, so maybe this week i finish the first draft... sleep was minimal last-night, gonna try to get a bit more tonight... and, if i wake-up early again, i'll have more time to write :-)  --  ct
03-01-24:  whaaadup March!... it's a pleasure meeting you  -- you, and all of your potential -- you've got more potential than any other month that i know... let's join efforts, and do our best to make the most of our time, and opportunity together... let's do this thing called 'life' together, we are better as a team, just let me know when you need some help, and i'll try to remember to do the same, and we can deliberately collaborate here and there too... i've got three books, and a curriculum to finish-up this month... what do you have going on?  oh my... well aren't You the ambitious-type... alright, i don't much about that, but i'll figure some things out, and give you what i got... btw, you know a decent editor that can make sense of my writing-style, and has very reasonable fees... what's that, a big honking pipe-dream, you say... that's fine, i might be able to figure it all out myself, in due-time... in the mean-while, let's praise God, and get 'er done.  --  ct
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