christopher terlizzi

Look, this is just a blog. I write with little regard to proper technique or rules of grammar, i'm just an untrained novice writer who starting blogging as a form of therapy once the covid-era began, and my livelihood changed forever... eventually i split up the site to have a section geared toward my political opinions and complaints, and another one for my philosophical and religious opinions, but this page is just the blog part... with that said--I write for my own mental-health, as history for my family, and for anyone else that cares to read... thanks -- ct

June 2023

06-30-23: so long June, it's been a pleasure...
... occasionally i'm the smartest guy in the room, but i'm also wrong about plenty of things, maybe even a cubic shit-ton of things--other than the last four years or so i'm not very well read, in fact, i spent most of my life trying to goof-off, entertain my friends, and had zero ambition to approach my potential... wait, did i mention that i'm wrong about lot's of things, sure hope this is one of them -- ct

06-29-23: sure hope these folks are on to a safe and effective treatment for endometriosis that is also minimally invasive... my wife dealt with it pretty bad for years, it wasn't only painful, but also affected fertility, the birth-control pills that the Doc recommended gave her some nasty mood-swings while she was taking them to help with the pain, they tried her on a few different ones--eventually she decided that the chemical treatment wasn't worth her emotional-reactions, and persistence eventually won the fertility battle... after the birth of our first child her symptoms lessened to a very tolerable state... and then there was mom, she had it quite bad as well... i think i was in middle school when the doctors convinced her that a total hysterectomy or pain were her only options... mom opted for the surgery, and it affected her emotions like you wouldn't believe, even had bouts with psychosis during her recovery, the visualization that imprints on your mind when i use the words 'demon possession' is about as close as i can describe some of her 'recovery' from the invasive procedure... anyways, i hope for the suffering woman's sake that these scientists figure out a decent treatment protocol. -- ct

06-29-23 later: Ness Labs sends out some decent newsletters, the one from today is interesting, i'll have to look at the studies now that i've read the meat-and-potatoes... i'd think that practice helps build, and fine-tune muscle movement and memory, as well as learning theory, technique, and strategy... but the goal of this week's newsletter seems to encourage folks to take-up new interests and hobbies without feeling bad about all of the practice involved to meet some sort of imaginary state of perfection... practice certainly makes many things easier over time, but if you really enjoy something it doesn't mean that you will 'master' it, but enjoyment + practice makes getting respectable at anything much easier... tennis and golf got easy when the muscle timing and mechanics became second nature, then it's strategy and executing those muscle-mechanics that became fun and a challenge/test... i think i lost about a dozen balls every round of golf for the first few years that i played, i learned how to strike the ball with power before i learned how to control/work/shape/carve the ball, that was some expensive practicing, thirty bucks--on average--to play, and thirty bucks for a dozen of decent balls was a tough pill to swallow... now that the hip is fixed i might give it a try again someday if the other Doc can fix my wrist... now tennis is another story--pickle-ball seems to be a sort of mini-tennis, and popular amongst folks in my age bracket--the 'middle-age' that is, pickle-ball might be more reasonable for me, actually, so are par-three golf courses now that i think about it, i can probably walk them without breaking much of a sweat :-) ... also, i can sort of relate to being more of a jack-of-all-trades sort of guy, i think different exposures offer you the ability to connect more dots, and to understand theories... i used to hate that i never worked in areas of my strengths or experience very long, i just kept taking opportunities that sounded interesting and seemed like they would pay all of the bills, now i appreciate the various experiences/exposure, i also think that you can become more self-sufficient the more you know and can do... i guess youtube videos help with that as well... anyhow, good article from Anne Laure today, it's a quick read. -- ct

06-26-23: congested the past week or so, throat hurts, and want to stay in bed, the body is fighting something... strep-throat has been running around the oldest daughter's work, between NLC and the YMCA we get more than our fair share of germs/bugs/viruses, oh yeah, we get all of 'em, some worse than others... looking forward to a hot shower and some tea-n-honey, and zinc, and v-D -- ct

06-23-23: cool date, 2x3=6, and then a verifying redundancy-check for confirmation...

... S.W.O.T. Analysis, that's the topic bouncing around the noggin today... strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats... there are other things that folks do--besides the swot analysis to quickly judge others by, too... untarnished or hyper-focused data (truthful back-story/history, and positive or negative progression/digression) is probably best... how about this one... attractiveness/physical appearance... or the equally as bad, entertainment value (today's internet/media influencers)... and then bias towards your preferred ideology, or the opposite, something that get's the bull-shit antenna all up in a fuss... i'll have to think of some more before i get going, but this is the topic that i want to explore over the next day or two (maybe longer depending on outside interference, distractions, or fulfilling responsibilities... but yeah, SWOT, that's right, like you are 'swotting' at a fly, or something, but a bit different... ahhh, you'll see :-) ... i think it's really the consensus of humans to abandon our responsibility to exercise discernment that's got me most concerned... 'well they are the expert', 'but the little retarded boy offered this logical gem which no one is considering', 'because the little retarded boy hasn't gone through our official indoctrination and learned the special vocabulary that we prefer to use, so he's dumb/gas-lit/canceled/gang-bustered'... no offense. it's just the way that we do things around here (to control and manipulate human actions/behavior), especially when new ideas contrary to jurrasic data that we still consider to be unchallenged holy-scripture.' ... as Don Henley so eloquently articulated, i think that's 'the hear of the matter'... forfeiture of sound/logic reasoning/discernment because 'the government' said their 'experts' are the only people regarded as smart enough to consider or speak to the matter, no matter what the subject is, and it's pretty much how so many dark-triad demons infiltrated our country's infrastructure... 'as long as they have titles and initials and credentials beside their name we won't question their motives or cause/effect, so long as they seem smart we'll abandon all logic/discernment/attention, etc.' ... see, i'm starting to 'get it', ain't i? -- ct

06-23-23 later: OK, so now i have an area of interest, i just woke up from an afternoon nap with fluid dynamics, liquid vortex propulsion/ amplification, and the way that water naturally moves under gravity, or other forces... so now that's what i have to start reading about, i HATE the language/vocabulary that are involved with learning any discipline or field of study, so now i need to brush-up on some things that i don't want to brush-up on, or, have to learn about for the first time at an embarrassing old age... so you've captured water, how do you maximize the force expelled at your manifold, does it just involve a bunch of perfectly twisting and constricting cones? do you yield a force (ROI) from the energy that you channeled that is safe for creation (the environment and humans and animals, etc) and can... OK, sorry, look, i don't really know what i'm saying yet, but i think water's natural vortex movement to a drain/manifold/gravity is centrifuge, is that the energy that you want to capture or channel, or do you force it through more vortex multipliers to try to gain further increase in energy... and what are realistic maintenance plans/cost/projections... pardon me for sounding like a toddler about this, but now i have an idea of what i want to learn for a new hobby, and possible contribution to society... financially and environmentally self-sustaining/sufficient clean energy doesn't have to be a pipe-dream... most current forms of 'green energy' are just finding new creative ways to rape our environment and harm all of the species (including humans) which inhabit that particular environment, and actual environmentally friendly green energy shouldn't be disastrous to other parts of creation, that's not sustainable because you are causing too much negative by-product, too much ill-effect... water moves in a particular motion naturally, and that particular movement/motion produces a predictable reactionary source of energy which could be captured or further harnessed to produce a more amplified source of power without mechanical means, just channeling the water through the twisty conel things like on dyson's vacuum-cleaners... does channeling water through controlled tunnels produce/amplify enough energy to be a viable option for an off-the-grid home-steader type... you could heat those water-channels to where you have high pressure steam as a force... i don't think it'd be something to really scale-up, but it's an efficient way to deliver steam to turn the wheel, as one example... it also depends on whether or not there is an abundant amount of accessible ground water, or a resource such as a man-made pond/reservoir... just a totally weird wake-up dream, now guess what i'm going to spend a bunch of my waking hours consuming, information on water movement, and ways to amplify it with minimal effort/steps and unsafe by-products... now i have to go back and look at some of the email groups that i subscribe to, someone had put some links to some pioneers in water movement study... my curiosity antenna was a bit perked when i saw the first brief video, but now it's officially up with full attention... maybe the place that we eventually move to (hopefully in the near future) will afford an environment where i can mess around with some pipes and stuff... i think it's my next hobby, see what happens when you take a quick afternoon nap, and then it turns into a couple hours, the noggin and curiosity get stirred (like a whirlpool), not shaken... let's see what the pioneers observed, the theories/laws they have studied/documented... look, i was just trying to take a nap, and now look what happened... maybe i'll sub-contract my daughter to photo-document, that's her jam now... but wind responds wickedly and forcibly when channeled into a vortex, and so does water, water purity or supplementation--and all of that other technical stuff aside, do you end up with a sustainable and predicable source of clean energy... and so that's how i woke up from my nap... i know, right?! do you capture your own water source, d you store in something that looks like a shilo--how much of an angle do you need at the bottom of your container to reach a force-multiplier based on directing that stored water alone, through channels, twists, turns, so i'm sort of thinking along those lines, i hope to be a bit more off-grid in the near future... if the ground-water is contaminated/polluted, can you collect it, and then help channel it through filters to quickly and safely purify, or make it potable, a high-efficient way to store, channel, and filter polluted water? i don't 'self-identify' as an 'environmentalist', but i think everyone sort of evolves into one--when you realize that we only have one current environment to work with, the Golden Rule applies to how you treat the environment too, because future generations are going to have to rely on the earth's resources too, so let's treat others the way we want to be treated like, let's try to leave things better than how we found it, so let's not pollute, and let's not strip-mine anymore necessary then our current generation requires, maybe some reserves for unforeseeable problems (SHTF), so that's sort of the 'environmentalist' that i've evolved into, in America we have tried to show the world that we learned from our mistakes after we polluted the shit out of our environment back in previous industrial revolutions, we somehow took on the moral responsibility to put more and more restrictions on ourselves while the rest of the world is wishing us 'good luck, mate', seemingly over-restrictive laws might make sense in highly-populated places where energy consumption and it's by-products are plentiful, but they shouldn't be forced on everyone everywhere because we are trying to make a moral example for the rest of the world, or this banning of gas-stoves and dryers, people have home-heating systems and generators that rely on gas, you can't go fvcking around with that, that's one of the ways where i don't agree with 'environmentalists', every reasonable/sane person wants to care for our environment when we learn how, but sometimes the folks that are the environmentalist-cult's biggest proponents prove they are hypocrites by their life-style and transportation habits, they preach to themselves about their own short-comings while projecting it out toward everyone else, never quite convincing themselves that they are full of shit, someone please teach John Kerry-Heinz about Zoom-calls... anyhow, i've got a meat-loaf to cook, and then i have to follow-up about that dream... what an afternoon. -- ct

06-23-23 more later: the girls bought extra meat this time, and i happily used every bit of it, it's far too much for our loaf pan, so i made something of a meat-cake, or maybe it's like a big meat-brownie... i've got a meat brownie in the oven, it ought to be good, i suspect it will taste similar to my meat loaf, they are usually pretty good. -- ct

06-23-23 later then before: i don't know what i made, i think meat-cake is most appropriate, it tasted fine, the sour-cream and chive mashed potatoes were good too, but they loved the asparagus tonight, that got the most feedback--italian dressing, balsamic vinegar, and soy sauce, that was some good stuff right there -- ct

06-21-23: my commitment ends on 20230802, after that we can move anytime :-) one of the shitty things that i found out about the area that we want to move to is it's projected to have very high rates of atrazine in the ground water, and if there is plenty of that i'll assume that other unfavorable farm by-products are also prevalent, there are heavy metals in almost EVERYTHING... i'll have to look into whole-house water filtration systems... i've been raised in municipal-supplied water most of my life, it wasn't until we moved to NH that a civil engineer buddy that specializes in septic design brought well-water/ground-water to my attention, and got my interest going on the topic... i want to be able to raise some protein-providing critters, and grow things in healthy land with healthy water, that's one of the points of moving... i hate me some toxin-polluted ground water. -- ct

06-20-23: oh crap, just remembered i have to be somewhere an hour away tomorrow morning... son-uva-bitch... which sh1t-box should i drive there with, let me flip a coin... if it's the volvo then i bring zip-ties and duct-tape for expedient repairs--Hey, i leave the sockets and wrenches in that car for a reason, and it's not for the jingle-bells effect going over the bumps either, that sucker's gonna straight-up need them some day, every drive is an adventure with one foot (tire) over the cliff... sorry, i'm just complaining because i forgot about tomorrow's responsibility, and now that i remember it doesn't make it any better, just more mindful/aware... here's to two more months -- ct

06-19-23: this web-site editing tool that i update this bloggy web-site thing with timed-out on me, when that happens i just ctrl/c what i wrote, and then log back in to ctrl/v it... thought i had ctrl + c, but when i just control-V'd it was blank... guess i never control-C'd, bummer, it was pretty good, too... too tired to contemplate re-writing it, maybe another day, and maybe better... good grief, that's exactly why i should write on a locally run word-editor, and not directly on the web-hosted app, i should know better, too--but it feels fake and rehearsed if i'm not writing directly to to the web... i know, i'm weird, and i'm also a tiny bit pissed-off that i didn't control-c that sucker, i can get sloppy when i'm tired, and it's definitely time to bed time, g-night. -- ct

06-18-23: here's a weird connection for ya... the wife and oldest daughter brought me to see Guardians of the Galaxy at a local theater this afternoon, spoiler alert--much of the story is the back-story of Rocket The Raccoon's childhood trauma, it had some sad parts, the family beside us decided to ignore the PG-13 warning and one of their young kids went and sat on his mom's lap crying more than once... so anyway, the connection... just sitting here--minding my own business--in our living room, and there is a raccoon in the maple above the front-right part of the roof SCREAMING, not sure what got into that critter, but the noise was horrid, i went outside a couple of times before i realized the noise was coming from above, and then i finally saw the coon in the tree... told my wife that it's a female coon yelling at her guy to get his work-boots out of the bedroom, she agreed... but the noise that an agitated racoon makes is something else, not as bad as the fisher cats, but it's got it's own/unique shrill, i hope the critter isn't going psychotic-rabies... the movie was good, they hit a bunch of current controversies, told a bunch of truth... i thought it was clever to have Chris Pratt wear a jurassic park t-shirt in one of the scenes, not quite sure what language it was, though... having Drag The Destroyer calling everyone else an idiot was brilliant, i'm guilty of throwing that term out without adequate discretion, so i laughed at myself, i can be a world-class idiot sometimes, many times, too darn often... Father's Day was nice, i got to take it easy, flipped some burger's for an early supper (before the movie), and then got caught-up in the fantasy-world of some brilliant story-tellers and movie folks... not complaints from me... also found out that my Mother in-law in northern OK got some house damage from a tornado a couple of days ago, no power still--we plan on moving a bit north of her (probably MO) within a year, tornado-alley here we come, i still think it's better than new england, though... need a quieter and more simple life-style for health and sanity sake, my noggin requires it... i read A Mid-Western Doctor's post regarding the deviant vile mutant that goes by the name of peter hortez, just because someone is a doctor doesn't mean that they can't be self-serving/enriching sociopaths... and then you have to follow the post up with reading Joe Rogan's twitter invitation to the chubby little gargoyle for $100k to the charity of his choice to have a long format debate with RFKjr regarding the industrial vaccine/pharmaceutical complex, and to try to point-out RFK's alleged 'mis-information', Joe's monetary offer has been matched by some other folks, and last i checked the offer was up to $600k for the charity of the professional grifter's choice, but the deviant refuses, and his fellow cultist attack-dogs are trolling the sh1t out of Rogan's twitter feed, it's predictable behavior, cult-followers always act that way, say something negative about christian-science folks, or 'secret societies' and see what they do, attack, intimidate, belittle, gas-lite, much of it is predictable actions/behavior, they try to make you look stupid or inferior, they make threats, they try to silence/censor, they run aggressive negative advertising (cancel), well, i'm too tired to continue, but you probably already understand all of that anyways, most folks catch on to attempted manipulation, efforts to distort reality, grifters and their elite partners that will exploit fellow humans with complete disregard for mutual respect and humanity, and the fact that they advertise themselves as trying to save everyone by imposing their deviant will on them, i'm sure that you already know as much... good night and God bless. -- ct

06-17-23: watching a couple of videos from/of Andrew Huberman today, they are looong format, they are like mini-seminars/101-courses without teaching all of the uber-technical vocabulary... he's a good teacher, speaks at a decent pace, and know's how to simplify the technical language... anyways... there is a commercial now, so i'm using this opportunity to get a post started on the subject, you know, while some knucklehead is trying to sell me something via recorded video--i won't pay for the no-Ad youtube...

... OK, he could further simplify some things, he could use more efficient terms without dumbing-down or mis-representing findings...

... i would have hoped that he spoke in more detail about the significance of cannabinoid ratios... i used canna for a season while i weened from some nasty prescribed molecules that had become more harmful than helpful, it also helped subdue hyper-vigilance, the impairment from canna actually helped me regulate over-sensory issues, it's not just hyper-vigilance, it's more of hyper-sensory in general, think ADD difficulty in focusing on things that may require more attention because there are so many distractions and possible threats going on around me, maybe it's a paranoid sort of thing, but sometimes i just can't turn off my sheep-dog antenna, canna-impairment helped with the over-stimulation and sensory-overload/anxiety... canna was far more effective for some of my ailments than professionally prescribed laboratory contrived molecules, that's all i'm saying... i can't 'use' canna anymore due to second amendment concerns, fortunately the 4473 doesn't ask if 'you ever, ever, ever consumed' canna, so i qualify again, but i do not qualify for a security clearance anymore because i admit to prior use, i'm not ashamed or scared to answer former drug-use questions, and the feds don't like folks that 'used' canna in the past, regardless if it was a positive therapeutic or not, and whether or not government employees prescribed worse things to me in the past, and whether or not the canna was more beneficial than the laboratory molecules were for me... hyper-alertness is different than hyper-vigilance, i think my issue is more of the hyper-alertness/hyper-sensory, the anxiety kicks in when i get exhausted/overwhelmed from everything i'm taking in, it's malfunctioning to a certain degree... bad sleep, low exercise, poor hydration, poor nutrition, those things make everything written above worse, pick just one of those things and you DO NOT run at an optimum, or even just a high-level, you harm yourself when those things are chronically deficient--you get exhausted more quickly and have less resistance to stress and stimuli, your body over-produces bad hormones... but hey, slowing down to smell the roses is pretty helpful too, so is meditation/prayer... it's easy to get on a bad cycle when your body, mind, and soul are malfunctioning somehow, and the more we ignore the pain, or malfunction, or deficiency the more we get stuck, or the more ill we get... sometimes i'm pretty smart, sometimes i'm the village idiot--call me the village idiot for ignoring too many problems/malfunctions for so long and expecting them to get better on their own somehow, i think Einstein called that the definition of insanity... anyhow, feeling much better these days, despite my aging body... besides pain, most of my other problems really hinge on sleep (i think), out of all of our physiological requirements sleep has got to be my worst, and they say it gets worse with age, good grief... the soul could always use room for improvement as well, i find that it's easy to get busy/distracted/caught-up in temporary--possibly insignificant--things, and those distractions can really draw us into ourselves, and out of the mindful presence of God, that alone is enough to screw with someone's ego/cognition/priorities/logic when you quit appreciating, and lose sight of our Creator, people can get weird in hurry when that happens, i know plenty of 'non-religious' people that appreciate God, some know God through nature/environment/creation and it's self-evident beauty and order, i quit criticizing non-religious folks whose words/actions/deeds typically show that they understand more about God than many religious folks do, some of those folks could probably discern the words/stories/teachings/metaphors/analogies/cultural-examples found in the 'red-print' bibles, they'd probably 'get it', a bunch of those folks aren't into continual rituals... anyways, my Christian friends may have more to say about my opinions, i'm fine with that, they may even think i'm a bad Christian because i consumed cannabis, i'm fine with that too, i make no apologies to anyone regarding this matter... but hey, i'm not a professional religious person, i'm not a professional anything, just wanted to comment on the subject of cannabis as a therapeutic, and just as any therapeutic, it's most-likely not a forever solution, there are usually other physiological, psychological, or meta-physical things that are probably better long-term strategies or solutions to seek-out, but sometimes folks need something to help regulate something that is malfunctioning... i'm not a professional anything, but i speak from experience, and just reporting on observed cause and affect, as well as reading... everyone is unique, certain genetics/personalities respond differently to various molecules, Dr. Huberman's video on cannabis related studies is pretty good, he covers some good data, findings, and variables to consider, if you use cannabis regulary/chronically you owe it to yourself to know exactly why you use it, and what does your exit strategy look like, and whether or not you are suffering/neglecting any other teleologic necessities. -- ct

... OK, here... i cleaned it up a tiny bit, and put it out to the substack: https://christophernews.substack.com/p/poking-the-cannabis-hornets-nest

06-15-23: the bladder got me up at 04:12, so did some outdoor sounds, it just turned and 06:00 and feel like i'm ready for bed again... hmmm, maybe i'll try to take a quick nap, i have to drive wife to work in an hour or two, so i guess i have a bit of time before then, i'm sure that my bladder will be complaining about the lemon and ginger tea before long, probably won't have to set an alarm... so tired. -- ct

06-15-23 later: this post belongs under the political section, but i'm not going to put it out there yet, i might turn it into a substack post... i love the folks that are trying to form alternative political parties, some of the scum-bags mentioned early in this article aren't the kind of folks that i'd want to support/assist or associate with, i'd rather support RFKjr's efforts if i were to support a third-party, the hysterical greenies and the freedom-hating commies never did much for me... but here's my political vent for the day (OK, maybe the second one), i can do without the over-acting cheesy performance/spectacle carnival show-men... i might actually be speaking for a lot of folks when i say that the USA requires an executive that is above average IQ and over-all intelligence, is not distracted with or involved with personal or political side-hustles/gigs and personal enrichment, can successfully pass the highest security clearance that the feds do these days, sincerely demonstrates that they have America's land/resources and it's citizens in their best interest, understands the logic and sustainability within the ten commandments and our constitution, isn't pathetic enough to make the entertainment TV rounds, doesn't necessarily look as bad as fetterman but isn't overly concerned with physical imagery, isn't stupid or senile enough to require teleprompters or ear-pieces to communicate, doesn't simply repeat party-line rhetoric, seems genuinely concerned with their own personal and spiritual growth--not idiotic enough to proclaim that 'they have arrived' at some pinnacle, quickly admits to mistakes based on poor intel or being falsely led by deep-state sleazy parasites... i dunno, just a few thoughts that i'll try to give more attention to in the near future... as for now, well, i need to shower just thinking about the lincoln project folks, what a vile organization of bottom-dwellers. -- ct

06-15-23 laterer: joe rogan just released a brand-spanking new episode with RFK Jr... i love the timing, was just thinking about that guy, and the long-format interviews give you a much better look at a person than sitting between the 'ladies' on 'the view'... thanks joe. -- ct

06-15-23 later than before: joseph biden couldn't last 10 - 15 minutes in an unrehearsed/unprepared/unorchestrated/unscripted long format interview, unless it's medial small-talk type of stuff--favorite ice-cream, etc.--if you let him go unscripted too long he's going to make up some fantastical and completely fictional 'memory from his past', folks do that when they are trying to gain acceptance/respect, have pathological disorders, struggle with cognitive decline from stuff like dementia, low oxygen saturation, and probably plenty of other things as well... anyways, most of the covid-cult won't believe a word that RFK writes, or says, too inconvenient once you put your faith in government and vaccine-makers, the former absolves the later from liability, now that's fvcking convenient, aye... around the 1-hour and forty-minute mark they get to the heart of cult-members, but they didn't quite put it that way, 'it's easier to fool a man than to convince him they have been fooled'... it's classic cult behavior, and the kicker is that the cult leaders are celebrating each other about how easy and vast they manipulated and exploited their followers, covid-vaxx is a classic cult scenario, the fact that only 30-percent of the Western population understood it for what it was is shocking... i was fooled at first too, but once 'tony the faucci' started contradicting himself (if you're under 35 you are unlikely to develop severe symptoms, so let the old-timers get the jabs first) trying to control public behavior i began to get skeptical, i never got the jabs, but my wife and kids did, i was/am also unemployed, but they had work and school that demanded it unless they wanted their lives/routines to continue to be severely interrupted... wish i understood the depth of risk associated with becoming a trial participant in the largest act of terrorism and forced medical experimentation the world has ever known, i would have pleaded that they reconsider, and be brave in swimming upstream... the cult leaders fooled me for a bit, but once they revealed their hand my bull-shit meter red-lined and got me reading like there was no tomorrow, about drove me mad with the 101 crash-course, too... i'm about vaxx'd out, no more for me, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, attempt it a third time and 'FVCK YOU conniving demented demons'... covid-cult leaders and their black-white cheerleaders and advertisers ought to be quartered, and everyone in their right-mind knows it... -- ct

06-11-23: no rain today, almost seems weird, but tomorrow is expected to bring more... finished off the long busy weekend by taking down a bunch of stuff we set up in the yard, also drove to ME for a nice visit with the parent in-laws for a few hours, then back to NH for an hour, then to MA's logan airport, and back home to NH--tomorrow we exhale :-) ... the in-law's cat broke skin on my hand and i hardly had any allergic reaction other than a slight raised bump, i used to morph into an itching/sneezing/snot-running/wheezing/miserable dude from such encounters, fortunately Buckwheat didn't ruin my day, but he did let me know that he doesn't like to be rubbed in that particular spot--you have to find out what that spot is on your own, i'm not telling you where, so 'toucher' beware of the large orange and white domesticated feline named after grain ;-) ... the last four days were a blur, so much accomplished, so many people and loved-ones, so many expectation-busting stressors, and so many wonderful and joyous moments to hold it all together... the wife says it reminded her of our wedding, i agree, a big happy blur, and a bunch of strained smile-muscles from the joy... the son is back at his work now, the wife and oldest daughter go back to work tomorrow, and the new graduate and i have a couple of errands tomorrow--pretty much normal routine, except she doesn't have to participate in school 'til late august, when college begins... all of the work around the house and in the yard has me motivated to keep chipping away at the mountain of labor, i'll get the patio done before long, build the pergola, give away or recycle the remaining eye-sore/clutter that we no longer use, and And AND--well, there are far too many 'ands' to list, but i'm gonna get to them in the near future, all million and a half and's that are on my list... the other skunk still hasn't worked it's way through the crawl-space into the basement yet, i thought the cute little stinker would have been down there by now, i heard it yelling last-night, but it wasn't coming from the basement yet, catching and releasing it will have to be a chore for another day (tomorrow would be nice)... i've got nothing to complain about right now-- i already did a bunch of that coming back from the airport tonight, there are plenty of insane city drivers and wanna-be 'fast and furious fools' to keep a healthy complaint-output system... i'm about crazy tired by now, but needed to write for a few minutes, writing is solid therapy, and i'm still trying to process the jam-packed 96-hour whirlwind that i just experienced... i've got a bunch of new ideas for some papers, just need to prioritize some time to get the drafts going... Oh, and for the person that asked why i choose the vocabulary that i use given a genetic oddity that i somehow ended-up with--simple, it's mostly because i chose to be an under-achieving light-hearted knuckle-head most of my life, and i'm not going to change my communication/writing style because i finally woke-up and started utilizing the few remaining brain-cells that are still firing in the old noggin, i am who i am, and i'm comfortable with my vocabulary and writing style, maybe check your ego if i disappoint--i don't have any 'industry standard' to conform to, i'm an unemployed middle-aged high-school grad, so what do you expect... truth be told, i have no desire to change my writing style--i don't use $50k words in my regular vocabulary, only when speaking about certain industries and the words they use, frankly, i don't care if i 'sound smart', or sound like an idiot to others, and when i actually am an idiot about something i'll eventually be corrected, everything that i read/consume is just re-processed/translated into my comfortable/particular vocabulary (sure, it's almost 'for dummies')--i'm comfortable in my own shoes--well, not the dress shoes (i don't like playing dress-up), but i'm plenty comfortable in the rest of 'em... maybe quit your preconceived ideas of what i --or others-- should be writing like, everyone is unique and i'm not you, but i'll leave you with this--faulty thought-processes/equations and expectations distort reality and can really fvck with your head-- but, they also allow one an opportunity to change flawed perceptions and evolve/grow/mature... see what i'm sayin' ;-) ... Oh, and for the other question/commenter, i have no interest in responding to the questions regarding my 'political' section, got to give me something worth replying to, keep trying, otherwise pound sand :-P ... God bless -- ct

06-10-23: i'm exhausted, what a looong and awesome day... i had some stress and negativity early today, but once our first guest arrived i quit dwelling on my feelings/frustration and inability to control everything that i wanted to... i was beating myself up pretty bad for a bit, asking myself a bunch of 'why didn't you'..., and 'why did you...' types of self-criticism, the sorts of things you complain to yourself about yourself, and not planning things better, or realizing what's going to happen when i do this or that, causation is a bitch sometimes... eventually the rain showers blew away, and folks weren't as wet as the beginning of the party, a bunch of us were huddled in the kitchen for cover, waiting for the rain to let up... we didn't have a 'back up plan', we put all of our proverbial eggs in one basket--the outdoor gathering basket, not an indoor gathering option... so my stressing was over the weather, the condition/state that the yard was in, and the condition/state that our house is in, too much worry (bad hormone release) the first part of the day... i'm about as good of a 'worrier' as i am a 'complainer', i'm a world-class both of them...
... i'm still trying to process the fact that all three of our kids have graduated high school now... pre-school, kindergarten, and then twelve more years of public school, how does anyone do that and stay sane... i despised school most of the time, couldn't sit still, or concentrate very long, and wanted to be out exploring the world instead of sitting on my ass in some very uncomfortable chairs for six to eight hours a day... i didn't make good use of my time and the educational opportunity, i was a world-class goof-off and under-achiever... turns out that i'm what some folks call a 'late bloomer', i still like to goof around a bit, and i really haven't achieved much in the sense of societal expectations, but i appreciate reading and writing now, i can also hold attention for more than ninety seconds, and have more confidence in my God-given abilities--it took a LOOONG TIME to get there, though... i'm really grateful that my kids didn't have some of the issues that i had in my school years...
... OK, i'm beat, ready for the pillow... good night. -- ct

06-09-23: today is graduation day, i was completely blown away by some of the blessings that my daughter received today, she got another scholarship--one that the school-district teachers contribute their own money towards, they are a creative and generous bunch--they pay into an account, which--in turn--allows them to participate in 'casual (jeans) friday'; brilliant concept/plan/program, they call it 'Jeans for Teens'... she also received some kudos/acknowledgment for her academic accomplishments--Sumo come latte, not to be confused with the MAGA come latte ;-)... the biggest surprise to us was--get this-- a CAR! they essentially gave her a decent little car today--the folks at the school started a program years ago where folks in the surrounding communities that wish to do so donate a used car to the school (they actually sell it for one dollar), then, the automotive classes use the car as a real-life education/hands-on project to get them street-legal/inspection-ready, and then, well then they sell that same car to a student for one dollar... MIND BLOWN by this act of kindness/humanity... who ever heard of a public high-school doing such a thing? I mean, sure, folks donate 'Cars for Kids', the one where the youngsters air-guitar to that song that gets stuck in your head (for all the wrong reasons), but man... OK, i'm still in shock... i haven't cried in months (i think), this one got me good... these award ceremonies always get me, i always leave them with sore smiling muscles, and sore hands from clapping... i genuinely LOVE watching all of the kids being recognized for their efforts, our school system is full of some great kids, and many that don't necessarily get recognized for their athletic/artistic/scholastic/humanitarian or hands-on achievements, but a whole bunch of them did today, including my daughter's closest friends, awesome to see it unfold...
... our house is still in much too big of a mess to realistically straighten-out before guests come tomorrow, but i'm done grieving over our obvious dysfunction, it is what it is, a mess... things get a bit more chill after this weekend, and i should be strong enough to start chipping away at the mountain of work in another week or two/three, so i'm over it... the neighbor and my daughter talked some sense into me about realistic expectations in finishing some of the projects that were really bothering me (thanks guys)... but i'm still a bit sore/sensitive about it, any guests that complain risk losing some chicklettes :-)

... the son is visiting with some friends that he hasn't seen since his graduation a couple of years ago, i love that--but he better get his arse back home in time to go to graduation... he looks good, sounds good, and still has that genuine and decent personality that most folks appreciate... he's had a great group of friends 'forever', so it makes me happy when he's home and gets to visit with some of them--the younger brother of one of his buddies received a standing ovation for his commitment to serve in the USMC in a few weeks, he's a real good kid to boot...

... anyways, just felt a need to write, to express some gratitude and the feeling that a parent gets when their kids are blessed... my eyes are getting a little misty again just writing that :-) cheers -- ct

06-09-23 later: today was one of the weirdest days in quite awhile... it ran the full course of emotions, mixed with a bunch of exhaustion, stirred in with seeing a bunch of friendly faces that i haven't seen in years, and then blended with that other thing--you know, that thing that i can't think of at the moment, there was plenty of that too (probably the same tomorrow too)... anyways, what a fun and looong day it was, about as full as they get, i'm emotionally and physically spent/ka-put (sp?)... it's far beyond my bedtime, i'll probably be drooling on the pillow in no time...

... the house smells like a swamp in july, we've got a dirt floor basement, and a very leaky rock foundation, and while this past week's rain is diligently working it's way back down to the spring under the house, well, it's taking a prolonged break in the basement along it's journey, and the pine-scented candle i lit earlier isn't touching it, nice idea/try, but there ain't enough candles this side of the mississippi to put a dent in this stank... you know how much a dehumidifier costs, and then how much it costs to run them? No, it's even more than that... i've got a couple of fans i'll get down there tomorrow, hopefully they won't be another fruitless idea like the candle... i still might get a dehumidifier to improve the air quality in the house, but i'll be complaining about the cost every second it's working, i dunno, maybe just when the electric bill arrives, and then i'll make up for the time that i wasn't complaining about it, maybe even a full-blown adult-sized hissy-fit ;-) Alright, time to bed down, good night, and God bless. -- ct

06-08-23: so i got a bit political-critical today, put this out to the substack, it's too easy to criticize others, especially hypocritical/acting policy-makers... i ought to be using the handful of remaining brain-cells that i have left for other matters, but MAN am i a sucker for news and current events, and i despise fraudsters and knuckle-heads that try to distort reality, and lead people away from truth to self-excuse/justify their psychopathy and pathological routines... so political commentary is a natural fit...

... got the son home from the airport, he's in town for one of my daughter's graduation, it's cool to have the family together, even just for a long weekend...

... CTMU folks released a perfect article today, not sure who wrote this one, but maaan, it summed-up some of my dysfunction/area for improvement... i haven't totally 'procrastinated' in regards to this weekend's party/celebration, some of my delay was in part to injuries, and not being able to do much of the physical things that needed to get done, i'm not accustomed to having money to pay for other folks to do my 'around the house' labor, also not use to being this gimpy... so reasonable excuses aside, i was totally stressing over having so many guests lately, we need to use the yard and the patio still looks like a giant kitty-litter box (maybe 'sand-box' is a more gentle description), i tried moving some of the pavers yesterday, and i paid the price today, i did lot's of stairs lately too (getting the skunks out of the basement)... mental exhaustion to near anxiety was the order of the day, i already stressed enough over-thinking the various projects i was trying to complete, it's like doing each of those projects a hundred times over--in my mind, but never to completion, for me that usually equates to knowing enough to get started, but not quite enough to get 'er done--something on the lines of not sure where to find necessary help, or not sure how to do it myself given my physical or creative limitations... anyways the CTMU folks nailed it today, regarding fresh crap that i was rolling around in--in my mind. -- ct

06-07-23: substack gets a bunch of viewers--when i use it... the stats there are pretty good for the weird sort of writer that i am, surprising... this blog is my outlet, it receives the perfect amount of viewers for my liking, substack viewership can spike like you wouldn't believe--when i publish to it... even the petty posts surprise me with viewership... if you are a chronically afflicted author--or writer--the substack platform is really a solid tool... personally speaking, i'm not trying to make any income from it, maybe i'll hawk some future publications on it, but a free substack account has some very good reach for prospective writers that don't want to do some weird blog-thing (like i did creating this website), and know that social media is sooo yesterday, and created for those who need to follow the herd... on the other-hand, substack seems to be where adults go to adult

06-06-23: the skunk is back--at least a skunk--is right down the basement, it seems a bit larger than the one from a couple of days ago, but my skunk measuring-eye isn't calibrated, so who knows, maybe it's the same one... i left it some hotdog and blueberries, i'll check in on it in awhile... it's been raw and rainy the past few days, that's my just now made up excuse for not checking around the foundation to see where they might be sneaking in from, again--i forgot... guess i know what i'm doing later today, along with the five things written on the calendar--skunk-hole inspecting, and getting the critter back outside without stinking up the joint... i woke up smelling skunk outside of the bedroom window, that might be the side of the house where it's getting in from, there is an 8 x 8 deck out there, and i had blocked-up some dug holes around the deck last year... well, guess that's where i'll start my inspection, the side deck, the one with the grill on it, they might be right below my feet when i'm cooking out there... could be worse, people have had bears hibernating under their porches and crawl-spaces, the 200lb mountain lion that the former NFL player hunted last year was living under some guy's porch too... i won't complain about a wee-little miniature badger looking stink bomb that makes the cutest sounds ever, i'm pretty sure that it can't maul and eat me, like the rabbit from monty python's 'holy Grail'... i mean it's only got to be two - three pounds, cute little fella. -- ct

06-06-23 later: there is a chance that i'll blow a proverbial gasket today... i think i just missed another fedex delivery attempt... i was down seeing if the skunk utilized the make-shift ramp i set up to help it get itself back out the way it came in, and while the little skunk was sniffing around my feet and trying to communicate through the cute skunk-talk it was making, and i heard a truck pull up outside (9:20ish), some reverse-alert sounds, so i go back upstairs to see a white truck driving away from in front of the house, this one wasn't branded with fed-ex anywhere, but the way things have been going with this shipment it was probably another miss... good grief... i don't intend shooting at anything with the 458s for awhile (i don't even have any ammo yet), so it's not like it's an emergency delivery that i'm waiting on, i just didn't think the delivery for the parts would be such a pain in the arse, and that fedex was failing so poorly... if a delivery attempt is being made the driver should spend at least sixty seconds ringing a door-bell, or knocking on the door, i don't know what the fvck they train these folks to do now-a-days, make as little effort as possible, and drive away as quickly as possible instead of focusing on the whole point of the job?

... back in the day i helped manage a bunch of different delivery drivers, the one's who couldn't 'get it' were gone pretty quickly, but the greater majority of them did their job, not sure what to say about fed-ex... maybe that truck at 9:15-9:20 didn't have my package, maybe mine will come later today, i'll reserve final judgement until this afternoon... sometimes it really is hard to find good workers, maybe that's when it's a good time to re-asses the labor vs. benefit ratio that the sort of folks you really want are actually paid, your company might just suck, or you might just be offering shitty compensation packages, feel free to tell the shit-heads in the board-room, and your investors that things need to change, and you need to put more value/respect on the actual laborers, not the cake-eaters :-) -- ct

06-06-23 more later: the skunk was caught and released, without the stink, this time i released it waaay back in the yard, it waddled away and didn't look back... AND, fed-ex delivered my package while i was out running a quick errand, my daughter signed for it... the guy cam back a few minutes after the delivery, asked for her age, and after she said 18 he asked if he could 'put his number in her phone', too funny, he tried... good job fedex, yesterday you sent a lazy-ass fvcker, and today you sent a confident young man that was willing to exit his vehicle... the difference a day makes... i shouldn't be so critical of yesterday's driver, dude may have soiled himself as he pulled up, and didn't want to be seen in public... who knows -- ct

06-06-23 laterer: there's another skunk under the house, i knew i heard one when i was dealing with the other, and the wife and oldest daughter heard something scratching and making noise under the heating register in the kitchen... the critter is still under the crawl-space, it hasn't fallen into the actual basement yet, i expect to hear that cute sound they make tomorrow at some point, i think there were two of them, and i think i got rid of one today, then plugged-up the hole where i think they got in from, so now i just have to get rid of the other one tomorrow, and then we're done... theoretically speaking... who knows what'll happen next with those critters, they haven't sprayed me yet, and came up being all cute and sniffing me, the one from today was literally 'talking' to me with the skunk talk while looking up to me standing between my legs, it don't get any cuter than that... i'll have to get the audio uploaded, it creeped-out my daughter and physical therapist, but i'm telling you it's crazy cute... no No NO, not like thaaat, even cuter than you are imagining it. -- ct

06-05-23: it's a cool rainy day in rockingham county, not only does rain yield life-sustaining water, but it keeps the noisy-ass motorcycles off the street too, pretty quiet on main street today... i got my shower in before fed-ex comes, i don't smell like an onion field anymore... it would be pretty sweet to work on the 458 upper today, but the inaccurate tracking information has been teasing me for two days now, so i'm not holding the breathe... i've got four upper receivers in different calibers at different stages of completion, the parts that fed-ex has will pretty much finish the 458 build, it's got a muzzle device, barrel, adjustable gas block and tube, complete BCG, and a stronger than typical buffer spring, pretty good kit for that particular cartridge, the sale made it hard to refuse... i really wanted to wait until they did another run of the 14.5 inch barrels to get one of their kits, but the 150-dollars off sale was enticing enough to go with the 16-inch barrel and kit... 458 socom is one of those cartridges that doesn't require a long barrel to be efficient, the longer one's help with velocity a bit, but the shorter barrels save a considerable amount of weight, so i'd prefer to go with the weight-saving barrel, and pay the money to have the muzzle-device pinned and welded to make it a legit 16-incher (16.5 in this case), but that is irrelevant at this point, because an actual full 16 inch barrel should be here within a few hours, along with the rest of it's traveling companions, now all i have to do is screw the muzzle device on, not get it drilled, pinned, and welded... it's all getting paired-up with an aero precision XL upper receiver, and their 15-inch enhanced hand-guards v2... maybe the father's day fairy will bring me an eotech to finish it off... wilson combat recommends using the lancer magazines with these rounds, probably don't really need them, but i have some already, and i'm going to end-up ordering some 10 and 20 round mags to go with the few 30s that are in the safe... OK, here's where things get weird in a hurry... your typical 30-round ar-15 magazine will only hold NINE 458socom rounds, that's right, they may hold thirty of the 223 or 556 rounds, but not the big-bore 458, just nine of them... the rounds are about as thick as my chubby italian index fingers... suddenly, my '30-round magazines' aren't so called 'high capacity' anymore, now they are only 9 round magazines, weird how that works, so they are perfectly legal in all fifty states, right, NH doesn't make a fuss over silly things like magazine capacity, so it's not an issue for me anyhow... i've found some 458 dedicated mag-followers online, too, but i'm not spending 12 bucks just for one of them, they are aluminum, not just plastic, but i'm too cheap to pay 12 bucks each... 458s is a very impressive round, you could ethically harvest bear and moose with that cartridge, it's got that much oompf, it's a serious hog-bullet for the folks that deal with invasive feral hogs, too... it's also an upper receiver that i'll end up getting a can for, someday--you can get some very heavy sub-sonic rounds (or load them yourself), it'll make it more fun to shoot with a suppressor... hold on, here, scroll down this article a bit for a visual of the size different between 5.56 nato vs. 458 socom... now where is fed-ex, i've got a barrel wrench in-hand, and i'm itching to get started ;-) -- ct

06-05-23 later: the fed-ex driver is a lazy ass, the van parked in front of the neighbor's driveway that's literally right across the street--a 30-mph two lane street, and it was just as i walked into the living room, so i see it pull up, and i'm happy... he (i think) looks directly at our house, so i go over and open the front door to greet them since a signature is required, i can see that he or she is leaned down like they are looking at their phone, and a minute later they drove off... i'm thinking 'that must not have been my delivery, it must have just be a different fed-ex driver that had to pull over for a minute', that's cool, i've been waiting since yesterday, i can wait a bit longer... a couple-two-three hours later i get an email stating that a delivery attempt was made at 11:40... bull-fvcking-shit, the dude that parked across the street didn't even attempt to open their door, never mind deliver anything... the fact that a signature was required is the reason that i stayed home yesterday, because their tracking system lied when it said it was on time to be delivered yesterday between 10:30 - 2:30, it never came, in fact it never made it outside of CT until 9:pm... so between yesterday's tracking issues, and today's lazy-ass driver who lied on the stop-notes i had to call... the original customer service rep was nice, but not helpful to a satisfactory level, his manager was very good at her job though, she 'got it', and she was understanding enough to get my blood-pressure back down to the safe zone by the end of our call... don't tell me you 'made an attempt' when you didn't get your ass out of your seat... i don't fault fed-ex, just that one particular driver, wonder what his or her issue was, is this something they do often or were they having some weird/bad/shit sort of day... anyways, i've got too many things on the calendar for tomorrow, chances are remote that anyone will be here to sign for it... stupid fed-ex driver, i fart in your general direction, you got my blood-pressure up with your blatant lie, you were right fvcking in front of the house, you got yourself here, so how do you not finish the easy part, dude... they last few fed-ex drivers that came by were decent friendly folks, the hippy-looking dude, and the gal with the swath of purple/blue hair coloring, just not sure what's up with this one. -- ct

06-05-23 laterer: you know what, i got a phone call from a number with an OK area-code claiming to be from US Customs and Borders, stating that they have intercepted a... and then the call ended... i tried to call the number back within a few seconds, and got a message stating that the number i'm trying to reach isn't in service... that call, in combination with the fed-ex fail, well, OK, seems like someone is fvcking with me, i can stand my share of harassment/attention--before i go beast-mode--let's just see where this goes, and how i will respond :-) -- ct

06-05-23 more laterer: hope i didn't overdo it, went shopping for some heavy things we needed... i might be paying the price later, heavy-ass bags of sand, jugs of water, and propane tank... the nice lady at home depot asked if i'd like assistance loading stuff into the car, i'm an egotistical idiot for not accepting the offer, i'm just so used to being the person helping other folks, it seems really weird to require it myself... what an idiot. -- ct

06-05-23 later then before: thinking more about the phoney call from 'US Customs and Borders' that 'intercepted a...', i've actually had something addressed to me that was 'intercepted' by 'feds', and they don't just make some haphazard phone call, those suckers took the canna-seeds that were being sent from canada back in the days when i kept a closet grow (a 26 x 30 inch closet), once i realized that canna helped with certain conditions/symptoms, and furthermore identified certain strains of canna that offered little negative effects and decent (but not perfect) positive effects, i decided to cut out the middle-men and unknown safety protocols, and decided to buy the seeds, and make sure that the growing, harvesting, drying, curing is all done the right way, who wants to consume canna that was smuggled via the crotch of someone's underwear, or harvested from a farm that uses nasty fertilizers and insecticides... so anyways, that's when i learned about growing things, and produced the medicine that helped me get off of prescribed pain-killers and psycho-pharma molecules... i don't seem to require any of those things anymore, so kudos to 'mother nature' for providing naturally occurring cannabinoids to help with difficulties concentrating on priorities (ADD is one of my nasty ailments), and the anti-inflamatory properties of some of the cannabinoids found in cannabis-indica, cannabis-sativa, and cannabis-rudelis... hemp has some solid cannabinoids as well, it's typically rich with cbd-a...

... so the point of incriminating myself in regards to rowing a plant in my closet that i consumed myself (and shared some with some adult friends), the point of this story is to say that the feds don't call you to tell you that they confiscated a package addressed to you, they sent the package to me, but kept the weed-seeds, and left me a note telling me that they did so, that's how it worked... i really don't think those folks are concerned with a grown-ass man growing a plant or two in a closet because it helps with some of their symptoms, and they aren't selling it,,, i really don't think those feds are overly concerned with that scenario, so they did whatever they did to those seeds, and sent me a 'we caught you' note in their place, that's fine, you got me, cost me about a hundred bucks (i think i ordered three different strains), i ended up sourcing them elsewhere after the second failed attempt from that distributor... here's the silly thing, after entirely too much reading regarding the therapeutic effects of canna, i've come to learn that a ratio of 20-parts CBD to 1-part THC is the ideal ratio for my particular conditions, it's so weak that the plants which naturally produce those ratios is technically considered 'hemp', and not a controlled/banned plant, so when we move to another state that allows adult-use canna-freedom i'll probably order some of the 20:1 seeds from a better source than the one that the feds 'intercepted'... don't go telling me that you are from customers/borders hang-up fifteen seconds into the call, it doesn't work that way, i haven't ordered anything outside of the USA in years, and i don't require canna anymore, but it sure helped while getting off of the pain-pills and psych-pills that i no longer required... those sorts of prescriptions may help for a season or two, but not over a decade, it's not safe... you need to quit applying band-aids, and deal with the root-problem, contrary to ignorant and popular belief, canna helped me identify root-problems, go figure... silly-ass fool calling to tell me he's from the border patrol and they intercepted something addressed to me, get off of me with that bull-shit, that's not how the feds work, mate... there is a new creative scam every day. -- ct

06-04-23: another cool overcast day in rockingham county, a bit breezy, some afternoon showers expected, not too bad though, jeans and a hoodie kind of day... i think the 458s parts are arriving today, the only thing i'd need after them is an eotech as the aiming mechanism, i don't ever plan on shooting at anything beyond what my naked eye can see, so no need for magnification on that upper (Which might become a whole dedicated rifle, not just an upper), just a great and durable holographic device is all it should need... no more gun stuff in the near future, the budget for that is gone (accept to finish paying on the pistol), i've got some old debt to focus on now... paid off the debts to the places that i currently do business with, now i have to chip away at the old stuff that law firms and collection agencies still want... gotta get that stuff taken care of, and we still want to buy a house/property --small farm would be ideal-- in the next year or so... one where i could shoot some of these ARs would be icing on the cake... other than assembling the 458 upper when things arrive, i don't have much other than some chores going on today, the girls are out shopping, and there's plenty to do around here--wish i were stronger already so i could do some of the heavier work that needs to get done in the yard, because this is ideal working weather, you can't beat this, but we can't control everything that we want to, and the hip clearly isn't ready for hard working yet... there are a couple of stores that i need to go to, but i think i'll wait 'til tomorrow for those chores, just kick around the house, and keep an ear out in case the skunk from yesterday sneaks back in for more hotdog, hope i didn't fvck-up by feeding him or her, also hope that it was reunited with it's family, i'm assuming that it has one because it was juvenile. -- ct

06-04-23 later: well this sucks, i smell like i've been on a week's long camp because my expected package requires signature, so i've delayed some clearly necessary hygiene so i don't miss the delivery person... i'm an idiot, because it's just about 16:00 and the dang thing seems to be two states away, and the tracking info says it's still due to arrive on schedule--for today between 10:30-2:30, i'm a sucker, i've been holding off on my shower today because i didn't want to miss the signature-required delivery, man, i smell worse than the little skunk from yesterday--hope that little critter is doing well... anyhow, relaxing to some music, and trying to get a few things done, nice chill sort of day, but the pain sort of sucks, just took some ibuprofen too (sp?) . -- ct

06-04-23 laterer: i went to the doctor and guess what he told me, guess what he told me, he said girl (guy/son), you better learn how to have some fun, no matter what you do, but he's a fool, 'cuz nothing compares, nothing compares to you... parts of that song have been ringing in the old noggin for about a week now, weird, but i played a few different video performances of sinead o'connor singing that song today, breath-taking... there's nothing like listening to someone with decent vocals singing the blues, even better when it's someone talented, bare-footed bald chick wailing away, expressing her sentiment and emotions to where the listener can't mistake or confuse them... brilliant -- ct

06-04-23 later then before: OK, here's one other awesome video/song for the reader, crank it up if you dig/enjoy good music that way. -- ct

06-03-23: it was over ninety degrees two days ago, and almost ninety and humid yesterday, today it stayed in the fifties with a bit of rain, something in the middle would be sweeeet... i'm a historic complainer, and sometimes a do'er, so i have plenty of grievances with the weather, accept when it's between 65 - 75, with a gentle breeze... most of today's grievances aren't weather related, they are just pain, venue, and inability to control everything that i want to ;-)

... i did a tiny bit of searching to see what might have happened to my military records that were lost when i deployed to Iraq back in the day... i heard that there was a fire in a st louis archives place back in the day, and they were probably lost in it, well, it turns out that the fire was in 1973, when i was four years old, so that wasn't the case with my records... so i still suspect that they were lost in the shuffle somehow/somewhere (i was sent to a different base in the USA first, then attached to a huge unit overseas, and later attached to a smaller unit--those steps were mostly reversed coming back home), but it could have very well been some other accident, and, unfortunately, i can even think of some reasons as to why they may have been intentionally 'lost'--in this case, only accidents are forgiven... and then this video also showed-up in the results lists when searching for 'gulf war records lost'... i recall driving up and down parts of that highway back in the day, it was even more gross then the video captured, the smells and the sounds of our squad members reactions to it are memorable... fvcking gross... and i agree with the guy in the video, their casualties could have been measured in the hundreds, not thousands, at least on the stretch that we drove beside...

... OK, on another note... we heard a weird noise in the house yesterday, and the wife just heard it again, we agreed that it was coming from the basement... so i just went down to see what kind of critter was stuck in the house... there is a very cute and relatively young skunk down there, he or she was making the cutest sounds, it started to come to me a few times, but backed away after it gave the notion of meeting me some more thought... now i need to see if there is a way to cage and move a skunk without getting that lemony ammonia blasted all over the place... i left it some hotdogs and water to keep it satisfied for now... good grief... it's a very cute little skunk... i plugged-up a few spots in the rock foundation last year, but it found a hole despite my efforts... stupid to feed a wild animal, but i don't want that little fella to get too nervous and desperate down there... how do i get that little guy out of there without smelling up the place. -- ct

06-03-23 later: skunks like hotdogs, at least the kayem beef ones (they are all kosher, and stuff)... the little critter eventually came up to me and sniffed my foot (is it too soon to name it), but when i motioned toward it he/she waddled away, but it was eating hotdogs by the time i came back upstairs from the spider-webbed musty dirt-floored basement; i don't know the proper serving suggestion of hotdog for a skunk that size, but it got half of one as a courtesy from this unexpected host (it's not trespassing or breaking and entering if it's a critter), it got some of the good bottled water too... so i have an idea how to capture it without harming it, or getting the place too stinky, and i don't think it would be very traumatizing for it either, other than to know it's captured and helpless for about a minute (i don't know how long it would take to establish enough trust to be able to pick it up without paying the price, but i'm sure it's entirely too long), but, it should only take a minute to bring it upstairs and release it into the bushes where i think it was originally living or hiding... oh boy... the thing looks like a cute miniature badger, minus the boldness and ferocity--whatever a pug is to a bulldog, the skunk is to the badger... cute little pug-thing... i could just pick it up, but it's fixing to stink around here, which might be unavoidable, oh boy... it would be easy to just kill it, but i don't care to kill non-threatening or non-invasive animals unless i intend on eating them, and i don't EVER intend on eating skunk unless i'm in a survival situation, even then i'd have to give it some serious consideration (they are prone to parasites in these parts)... cute little pug-badger thing. -- ct

06-03-23 laterer: the skunk is gone, returned it back to nature... went back down the basement to check on it, and it was sound asleep... i laid a bucket beside it, grabbed some of it's fur by the neck, and pulled it into the bucket before it finished dreaming, grabbed a piece of plastic to put over the top, and released it back outside... one problem solved, now i need to find where they are sneaking in... one snuck in last year while i was away, i opened the basement door when i returned and there was a dead skunk with huge worm-like parasites having their way with it, and right at the top of the basement stairs... glad this one didn't meet the same demise, he waddled away just as you'd expect a rudely awakened and somewhat disoriented skunk to do... cute little fella, good luck mate. -- ct

06-02-23: i thought june would be much more impressive than/then may, maybe i set some lofty expectations for this new month, but--may was legit, and so far june just seems like some warmer extension of it, but without the use of our heating system... june is a busy month for us, there's plenty on the calendar this month, some of it awesome and exciting, some of it a huge pain in the ass, and the rest is just stuff to do--deadlines, appointments--you know the drill... by the end of june i ought to be recovered enough from surgery that i can start running again, to be more precise, i ought to be able to move this unconditioned middle-aged gimpy body with greater speed than the shuffle that i'm now accustomed to, so it's not really 'running' that i'll be doing again, just moving quickly enough that i'm air-born every step... i'm sure it won't look much like running to an observer--probably more like someone who is falling forward for a mile or so, but hey, it will feel like running to me (i hope)... Dr Ben said he wanted me to shoot for july-fourth to move in such a way again, i'm more of an accuracy kind of guy, not the most precise, what's four days in the big scheme of life, Jesus died a horrible death and was resurrected in less time, so maybe four days is pretty big... OK Doc, i'll wait 'til the fourth, the last thing i want to do is screw-up any of the work that he and the physical therapist have done for me already, but i'm going full beast-mode come 7/4, well not full beast-mode, i do practice adequate hygiene in between 'beasting'... anyways... please, enjoy your day, it's supposed to get soggy here in rockinham county before long, but it's sunny and muggy for now... God bless -- ct

06-02-23 later: the skies are changing and the trees are blowing, it's fixin to rain around here... looking forward to my daughter's return home from her class trip, and watching the first streaming video of my son's friday night job this season... all good stuff right there... WOW, hearing some cracks of thunder now, life-providing water is about to fall in newton... shepard's pie is in the oven finishing up, i think i got the beef seasoned pretty well, so it ought to be good, not sure how sam adams 'porch rocker lemon radler' pairs with shepard's pie, but i'll soon find out, it can't be a terrible combo... too much politics and current events to comment and complain about, but i'm trying to keep the blood-pressure down, and enjoy the night, so it's not going to happen... OK, time to check the pie... enjoy your evening. -- ct

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