...if folks are curious enough about this website or about me as a person they might end up poking around and ending up here, reading some blog entries/posts, blog posts are where i write about most of the real things that are important to me, and about other things to, sometimes things that bother me for some reason, and i also write about other silly ego revealing things that nobody needs to waste their time reading... but mostly its where i write about things that i think are important somehow, i'm not a professional anything, so there will be ignorance written below, but i trust that the reader can discern the baby from the bathwater, i do hope to stimulate your noggin enough to do some of your own research using your own critical-reasoning... i write for my own health, and to my offspring/kids, and to anyone else that cares to read. --  ct
 September 2022
09-30-22: september is leaving with a bang, i've been sneezing and congested for a few days, and i mean the full-body sneeze where you need to hold on to something if you're standing... despite the environmental irritants--it's been beautiful in rockingham county lately, it's a bit cold by the time i get up in the morning, so the hot coffee seems like more of a necessity now than a month ago... we are losing daylight hours to where it's becoming increasingly noticeable, i think we change the clocks back soon to-boot... if you're one of those folks that deals with some sort of seasonal depressive issue, and you have one of those full-spterctum lamps to utilize as a sort of therapeutic already, then it's time to find that sucker and dust if off, plug it in and make sure it's behaving... it's also a good time to make sure your supplementing with some decent form of vitamin-D... i still never researched when the best time to take vitaminD, and what are decent sources and what to stay clear of, but i just pop a walmart purchased gel-cap once a day after i've had a little food... thinking about taking a multi-vitamin again after reading a recent article, but like anything that we eat and drink you deal with ingredients and ratio variations, raw material sources, processing and packaging, and storing, and then how much of the final product we can actually fully absorb and efficiently process/metabolize, or whatever the pros call that full process... i hate taking multi-vitamins and peeing bright yellow, maybe that's my beef with them, i end-up wondering if the bright yellow was just extra stuff that i didn't need, or was just stuff in the compound or liquid that my body couldn't or didn't fully process or utilize... and, do you take different vitamin or mineral supplements all at once, or at various intervals throughout the day... and then, if there is an awesome multi-vitamin supplement that covers all of the bases, and is easy to find, well is it affordable for low-income folks like our family? right now i'm too lazy and uninterested in reading enough to answer my own questions about the subject, but it seems like buying one of the affordable walmart offerings is like a sort of a leap of faith... but in the meantime, vitamin-D for when we know that we are subjected to less sun, hopefully the gel-cap is helping like is should be... a similar topic, i'm sure that full blood panel and urinalysis would probably answer some of my lingering questions, but who has the money to get those things done, the VA tests what they want to test for, i'm not sure about how complete they are, but fixed/limited/low-income folks don't have the jingle/coin to get these things... if anything we think about how to prioritize getting an eye-exam knowing that there will be plenty of out-of-pocket expenses, and the same with dental exams... that shouldn't be difficult to understand, but parents put things off for themselves to makes sure that the kids have their physiological needs met over our own--it's just how that goes... i know that's not the case with every family situation whether they have financial struggles or not, but i think the majority of parents think that way--at least i hope so)... anyways... vitamins... are cheap big-box store offerings worth the effort if you can't afford really good one? , and if so, then why does my pee get so darn bright from them?  and, if i had the money, would i get a full blood panel and urinalysis done every month to be pro-active and stay on top of things?  I wonder about these things after listening to a recent joe rogan experience podcast (number-1873) with brigham buhle (Brigham Buhler is the founder of Ways2Well, a functional and regenerative care clinic, and its sister company, ReviveRx: a pharmacy focusing on health, wellness, and restorative medicine) ... the episode was full of good insight, i actually listened to the whole episode based on a short clip which presented Brigham as a sort of whistleblower for big-pharma practices and policies... i'd have to look a little deeper into the sources, products and practices of ways2well for my own understanding before i'd ever recommend, so don't think of this mention as any type of endorsement of them... but like i said, their offerings don't really seem like viable options for broke folks... OK, look, i know, i have too many questions regarding supplemental vitamins and minerals and the like, which means that i'm too lazy and uninterested to follow-up when i actually thought about these things in the past, and now i'm curious about them again... who knows, but maybe i'll get a multi-vitamin multi-mineral supplement over the weekend, walmart seems to have plenty of them in stock... i hope you enjoy this last day of september, and the upcoming weekend. God bless. -- ct

09-30-22 later:  i heard back from all three family members (Aunt, and two Uncles) before i went to bed lastnight, i mean, the ones that live in FL, two of those families have 'kids' my generation that live down there too, and one of them has kids of his own now too... it seems that they all did relatively well despite the storm, and no one is injured or terribly inconvenienced... i had some relatives that lived close to the orlando area, and others that lived closer to clearwater, now they are all scattered a bit more, and younger generations make them even more scattered to where i don't remember who lives where anymore... but it seems they are all safe, and the storm hasn't been traumatic in any sense... so, i'm thankful for that much... nice day in southern NH today, the sun is actually shining brightly at the moment... i got motivated to tackle a few outstanding projects, and decided how to finish another one when finances permit, i'm gonna use the plastic decking planks to finished the patio that i started out back... i had been determined/focused on using the 12x12 cement pavers to keep it simple and cheap, but the plastic decking will be plenty sturdy, and much easier for me to work with, and not much more expensive these days... so plastic it is... i have much more experience working angles with planks than i do trying to cut cement pavers, it'll be ten-times easier, and look nicer with less effort, the land-lady and her future tenants will appreciate it too... i'll incorporate the shade and it's frame next year, it'll be much easier this way... wife had a looong week, she was exhausted before she went to work today, so this weekend will probably be less physically demanding than last weekend, we walked a few country miles for the apple picking last week, this weekend the kids get to do their thing with friends while us old-timers rest a bit... we still have lots of chores on the calendar for the near future, but they are just little appointments, reminders, and not much travel involved, that's a treat for me really... anyways, got to get back to a few other chores, just wanted to jot a few notes before i forget.  --  ct

09-30-22 laterer:  was inhumanely bombarded by email and various alerts today, i don't even have a real job and i get almost two hundred email per day, it's fvcking gross man, i can't even imagine receiving another couple of hundred more per day, in some jobs it's a couple hundred per hour... nooo thank you... a couple hundred email is inhumane, that's all that i'm trying to say right now... good night.  --  ct
09-29-22:  hoping to hear from/about some loved one's that live in the Tampa vicinity, i have maternal relatives that moved to FL decades ago, they have all lived through major storms in the past, and had an idea what to expect from this latest one, so i didn't really fear for them, but i still hope they check-in somehow today, i'm a little anxious about the matter. [ UPDATE:  i've heard from two out of the three and they are safe] :-)  --  ct

09-29-22 later:  if you look at my posts from yesterday, and consider the 'job-seeker' recruitment emails that i get everyday, well, the Koch-Davis folks did well today, lot's of geo-spacial analyst types of jobs, too bad so many of those entities seeking candidates had promoted and enforced experimental serums on their employees... who the fvck would want to work for employers like that, they only have their own best interests in mind (business continuity), you would think that various 'unions' would have recognized what their employers were doing, but instead they championed the mandates... shows you who the union leaders actually serve, it ain't the 'little people', tell you that much... anyways... good job getting close koch-davis, some of your competitors are decades-ago in their results, but i don't work for mRNA promoting/demanding ass-wipes, period... i'm sure that fauci has more than enough participants in his trial already, they don't need mine too... i got at least two variants (the first one from early 2020, and omicron),and was a bit exhausted and went through a bunch of tissues and mucus-thinners and anti-inflammatories during the worse of it--thankfully... everyone knows that the vaccines don't prevent anything, so the trial-participation mandates weren't that logical unless you are the scientist, the investor, or don't mind being a lab-rat... those mandates just aided in causing further economic destabilization to many sectors/industries/businesses and citizens, and bailed-out some in the pharma and opportunistic industries, and opened-up the biggest pharma trial known to mankind... if you got played/fooled as an employer then i can cut you some slack, maybe you were heavily persuaded/bullied by the government, but you have to know by now that you were played, and have taken corrective measures as to not repeat history... by the way, the next batch of untested vaccines are out, go get yours if so inclined ;-) and just hope that you are NOT part of the negative control group... watch out for blood clots and other cardio malfunctions, those are a couple of the vax-doozies... but good luck yo, and try not to get played playah.  --  ct

09-29-22 more later:  substack has some unexpected interest, their stats are more robust than this blog's reporting features, and they sort of help prove what i've expected, but couldn't with this crappy web-site hosting thing... i think i already shook most of the trolls away after the first six months of this website, i poked the hornet's nests pretty hard, so i expected that negative feedback, but that's been over for months now... but, knowing their are silent lurkers is a unique kind of creepy in some respect, i hope i use the opportunity to expand dialog wisely, but in the meantime i have no intention of slowing down, people deserve to know more of the truth, period.  --  ct
09-28-22:  if you don't know who martin armstong is, you should familiarize yourself just a bit, here is martin giving a good economics 101 for the reader, it's about an hour, and it's a video (not a read), it won't disappoint... well, maybe a little depending on your priorities. -- ct

09-28-22 later: so i finally got through the M. Armstrong interview in the link i provided in the previous post... i don't follow the guy at all, but the interview he posted today reminded me of a couple of jobs that i did in the past, they were both companies that used various databases with various search functions, one was a really great learning experience, you searched areas/geographies to refine your database searches, they had a shitty wrapper that they purposely kept clunky and so difficult to use that you had to pay for private tutoring... anyways, the wrapper sucked but if you had an idea of what your 'core demographic' for more precise targets (franchise prime locations, territory/boundary related needs, etc)... and then the other job was database licensing and a pretty simple wrapper and somewhat limited search functionality, they started utilizing regular occurring search and reporting features that got better as their searching upgrades improved, you could do simple word searches, or you could pay more for the search functions that included a sort of thesaurus/sub-set for the keywords, and ranked by proximity and frequency of keywords and operators like and-or-not and the like... i forget which paper it was but C. Langan wrote the secret sauce to search in it... anyhow, it seems like M. Armstrong knows many secret sauces of search, and uses (predictive modeling maybe?) a sort of A/I type of logic and databases and primary concerns and things you want to be alerted to, and daily reports/briefs maybe, like one or more of the products i either sold or supported, or populated... content combined with search and alerts or models is pretty interesting, it all got rather mathy for my simple brain most of the time, i sort of understand that all language is sort of and somehow algebra, but i forgot all of the mathy stuff shortly after i had to learn it good enough to test on it for a job that i wanted to do... so although i forget most of the real math stuff i sort of understand search/queries and data/info and how to try to get creative with them... so anyhow... Armstrong's interview is worth the time, i think it's almost an hour, i don't know what data sets he is utilizing/querying, and what logic he is prioritizing and filtering and ways of analyzing them, and how to categorize and report and display your results, but i'll bet the search and retrieve is pretty awesome... i wish i had viewed the old company's products for what they really were instead of focusing on smaller more narrow aspects of the operation, ebsco gave me a decent start to learning, and so did tactician but in a different boundary and point sort of way, then when i see how Armstrong can make a living from sources and logic and whatever secret-sauce your individual needs require, but those types that can write the appropriate query to receive their required results to provide reliable predictive models and thresholds for alerts... i don't know what they really did, or how they really did it, but it was fascinating to see them do their thing, code-writers and sh1t, brilliant folks really... i think i was too customer-engaged/facing after a while to really get into the search nitty-gritty, i went full-blown sales near, i couldn't afford being a customer/technical support sort of guy, sales was nice to some degree, i think that's when i started to lose respect for money, or how you can get sort of far-sighted, or enjoy the perks too much in some degree or another... i had forgotten about that line of work really, anayzing data and reporting the facts for reliable forecasts in creative ways, i'm sure i'm over-simplifying things like i tend to do sometimes, but C. Langan spelled-out the secret formula to search/query in one of his papers, then you have to have the databases/sources/info which was also where the companies charged more or less money... customers basically paid on the various 'strengths' of their search, and they paid for what things they wanted to search, and they could also pay for customization or education... i think that's sort of how charged... OK, my mind is slowing down very quickly now, i'm wicked tired, but it was fun reminiscing about a couple of old jobs, good memories and experiences, until i got sick of certain people and their attitudes... i one of my take-aways is that i work better alone, or one on one with less stimuli/office-traffic/interruption, and that sleep is a physiological requirement that should be prioritized for good performance and sustainability, and tasty red-wine is not the best medicine for a decent night's sleep, but it sure did taste good, and sort of helped to a small extent, but was a terrible way to self-treat the need for more purposeful/prioritized sleep, it's a frickin physiological requirement for heaven's sake, which means that it's wicked important... OK, good night.  --  ct

09-29-22 [CONT.]:  i guess what Armstrong's 'computer program' must do is consider historical patterns against modern trends, and maybe it can understand consequences of historical fvck-ups, it must look for repetition, when history repeats itself based on certain conditions and variables you can model and predict future consequences and prepare to some degree... i just finally got up after a nasty night's sleep, but i think i wrote this out correctly... you basically run regular searches, and when the results show certain conditions for different industries and markets and events you need pattern recognition to give you some sort of idea what the future will probably yield, but i don't how much a computer and it's program can do that on it's own, and how much still requires human analysis, Langan does a good job explaining artificial 'intelligence' limitations, i think it was his short, informative, and also entertaining book about Newton's Paradox... anyways, i wasn't thinking about pattern recognition when i wrote last night, so i wanted to make sure to add it today... how you identify and prioritize various information gives you the ability to recognize patters, i think that's how it works, to some degree or another :-)  --  ct
09-27-22:  using predictive modeling based on trending data/narratives, well, i think this is sort of how it's going to play out... christopher wray is going to tell senators grassley and johnson that they are:
1. racists
2. they are a threat to democracy and the very foundations of our country
3. they are extreme-super-mega-ultra maga's
4. they are unfounded conspiracy theorists
5. and don't forget 'domestic terrorists'
6. facey-book, twitter, and instagram will find some guideline/reason to bury the story, and the truth

... and if Wray doesn't call them those increasingly popular names then their fellow committee members and the parroting black-whites in the established and social medias will... DNC-global cultists are sooo predictable with projection and deflection techniques it's becoming nauseating... but maybe they will get creative and prove me wrong.   --  ct

09-27-22 later:  most folks recognize common 'defense mechanisms' when we observe them, here are some listed by some smart people: https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/defense-mechanisms#takeaway
... dehumanizing, or canceling someone and their logic-based observations based on previous words, actions, deeds is pretty common too... 'when you were two years old you pissed and crapped in the tub, so shut the fvck up you horrible/terrible unworthy idiot'... anyways, human behavior, and the way many folks respond to resistance and unexpected stimuli is pretty interesting... humility, transparency, and an upward trajectory toward positive/moral evolution should be expected for those who choose truth/reality... sometimes we get stuck in moments of compromise, but choosing to work with/for the Ultimate Reality by means of conforming and self-configuration of the teachings, and example of Jesus should never be minimized by the casual observer, and those who work against reality, and do their best to distort it for others... these matters are self-evident.  --  ct

09-27-22 laterer:  today wasn't great, it was weird, had a hard time waking up and getting motivated, allergies and congestion got the best of me... got some chores done, spent time with the family, read and wrote for a bit, helped a couple of people, but never really helped myself... i hate to say it, but i'm actually looking forward to sleeping tonight, i don't think that's depressive, but maybe it is... the weather was nice, skies eventually turned blue and the trees are starting to turn beautiful colors already, it's still my favorite time of the year despite the allergies that are aggravated, soon enough there will be apple crisp and pies, and pumpkin bread... i'm back up to one-seventy something, and could probably do without the treats, but the apple crisp, ohhh myyyy, the extra chub helps insulate for the winter, but not so wise considering the paternal history of diabetes... i have some new book suggestions to consider and consume, as if i don't have enough in the cue already, that's OK, the noggin has plenty of room for more input... i'm still disgusted with politicians and their BS, and should probably back off for a few days, i'll probably do that considering that weather will rule the headlines for the next week or so, my empathy for those who will be effected by the hurricane, but i have things right on front of my nose that require my attention, and i haven't been giving them the necessary priority, and that's one of life's biggest challenges, giving things their appropriate priority, otherwise we are distracted by bullshit that doesn't deserve our time and energy.  --  ct
09-26-22:  question/joke for the reader... how many astrophysicists, nasa-scientists, money, time, energy, and other resources does it take to move an inter-galactic rock... i don't know either, but if i find a smoldering piece of it in the yard tomorrow i'm e-baying that sucker real quick-like... may God pardon our futile follies... i'm sure those knuckleheads are trying to accomplish more than they let-on, but is it really worth the resources?  i'm just a simple man, so i'm sure that smart folks can argue the necessity of such an exercise... but good grief, and c'mon maaan.  --  ct
09-25-22:  up by 04:00, typical, even with zolpidem - 10, but the 5-6 uninterrupted hours of sleep are still appreciated... i set up a twitter today, and returned fire to a couple of puppet-potus sales pitches... let's see what kind of return fire i get, will it be the fbi, the irs, a lawsuit, and angry pack of militants... time will tell... i already have some dnc'ers that read, some of them use my 'language', same with the repubs too ... if any of you cheap-buffoons ever want some solid strategy you'll have to contact me, and start making some donations--look under the 'business' tab at the top-right corner to do so... i have to know what ideas you are selling, or trying to counter, if you have a target audience or if it should be generalized... and then you will get my undivided attention, but i'm not going to make my best efforts public to anyone for free, and even my current 50-percent efforts won't be free forever... cheap jerks, i can hardly pay our bills, and can't keep this up forever, i have five or six books of my own that i'm also working on too, you know, and close to twenty other ideas that are piling-up too... OK, done complaining... just taking notice that the dnc-ers are selling their ideas to fourth-grade level folks, or low-functioning adults, lot's of circus-like behavior from them, they are pandering to the idiot-base of our population, good luck with that.  --  ct

09-25-22 later:  apple picking with my three favorite ladies today at a local farm... awesome... tons of parents with kids, lot's of smiles, great weather, tame live folk music, lot's of great food, and a nice walk through a small part of creation... it was a great excuse to get my increasingly homebody-ass out of the house, and it lived-up to my expectations... some nice strangers took some pictures of us, and i sent to the boy who is away, hope the familiar scene inspired him some way, and put a smile on his face... there is plenty of reading and writing today, but i also need a haircut like nobody's business, so trying to motivate myself to clip away in our tiny bathroom, oh crap, i need to make sure the clippers are charged... OK, done journaling, let me plug those suckers in, lest they quit on me half way and leave me looking like a confusing expression of art... one more thing... if you are the praying type, please consider doing so for a lady name Gina who has some broken bones in her foot that are being stubborn, and taking their sweet time to heal... and her husband Chris, he has a particularly nasty quad injury to one of his legs, he's a big strong guy that has a bunch of weight to support, and lot's of ranch/farm types of duties to perform... and my dad too, he had a torn meniscus repaired last week, and already twisted and hyper-extended it while struggling with the crutches... and as for me, well, money has been crazy tight, and my employment opportunities are becoming more narrow and further in between, how does a somewhat gimpy middle-aged guy earn the money to pay the bills, one of these days i'll figure that out, but writing offers some possibilities in the future, i just have to get good at it, maybe, perhaps, probably.  --  ct 
09-24-22:  i had a decent night's sleep, woke up around the usual time, but was able to dose back off again for a few more hours... i had another very vivid dream during the 'few hours more'... we had three cars, and they were all missing and presumed stolen, i called the cops, and when they got there they told me that they were towed because of street paving overnight, i told him that i wasn't warned or aware that there would be street paving overnight, and that i would have parked the car that was street-side in the driveway had i known, and why would the cars in the driveway be towed if it was the street that was paved, and that i don't have the money to get the cars out of the tow-yard, and i looked out the street window and sure enough it was paved, but quite shitty, it looked like the Lightening McQueen's first crack at paying his debt to society, and the driveway was also paved, and just as crappy as the street was... and around that time is when i awakened... pretty weird, right?  When i take the sleeping med i usually sleep in the four to six hour range, and can never remember dreaming during those sleeping hours, so this morning my dream came when the meds had worn off, if you count the hours... dreams are weird man, but thankful that i actually slept pretty well overnight.
... anyhow... today is beautiful in rockingham county, it's sunny and on the cooler side, and there's an occasional strong breeze/wind... the only downside is the retarded motorcyclists with extra-noisy exhausts and the street-rods that are out and are plentiful... looking forward to when we move to a quieter venue, looking forward to youngest daughter's graduation next spring, there will be plenty to celebrate.
... enough writing for now, the girls are heading out, and i'm about to occupy the bathroom for a shave, haircut, and a shower... wish me luck :-)
09-23-22:  the professionals identify various types/expressions of fear down to a handful, i understand and agree with their categories, but i'm going to write at a lower level... my focus is on fear of what we can't physically see, fear of what the future beholds, maybe just call it 'fear of the unknown'?
... hold on, hold everything...
... i felt inspired to write about exploitation of various fears, but now i'm beginning to see something a bit more clearly... physiological needs as observed and categorized by A. Mazlow, and the absence of morality associated with certain defined 'needs'...
... i have a small essay rolling around the old noggin now, it'll be a separate page, not just a post... holy smokes, how could i have missed it, it's right there, and clear as day.  --  ct
09-22-22, and posted at 09:22:  i slept pretty good lastnight, woke up around five-ish, and got out of bed before the alarm did it's thing... i've reading a bunch today, mostly triggered by an email from Quora... for the sake of posting this at exactly 9:22 am, i'll just add a few links (and probably add to them after breakfast... but first, here's one of the Quora briefs:
Why do some intelligent people fail to achieve their potential?

Hi IQ people are not “programmed” for a 9–5 business world. They have highly sensitive brains that struggle in high stress (cortisol) and competitive (testosterone) environments.

Research among Mensa members has shown that high IQ people are more prone to mental (e.g. depression, ADHD) disorders as well as physical conditions such as allergies and autoimmune diseases.

source: "Hyper Brains"? High Intelligence and Health

Why should high IQ people suffer more than average people? In my hypothesis, many high IQ people have egalitarian hunter-gatherer minds that live in a competitive farmer society. Read more here:

Neurotypicality, normality and psychopathology

... pretty interesting stuff really... i certainly deal with a bunch of symptoms outlined in the graph from the source (annoying allergies, periods of depression, and ADHD to name a few) ... i'll just say that my body is most definitely 'overly sensitive'.  As for 'high intelligence', well that remains to be seen (Dunning and Kruger findings suggest that it works both ways, so who knows), but i do have decent reasoning, pattern recognition, and some creativity as well... for whatever that's worth...anyways, it's interesting  --   ct

09-22-22 later:  so, when i was reading some of the info in the links provided above, i saw a link to another article, which discusses 'a possibility of therapeutics from cannabis'... one of the 'ptsd' symptoms that i deal with is referred to as 'hyper-vigilance', without trying to read too much on the matter i'll simply describe it as an 'over' sensory-stimulation that is observing and processing more information than my wee-little brain is capable of resolving with satisfaction... remember, i'm not a professional anything, so i'm sure that i described some of it incorrectly... hyper vigilance is exceedingly useful for security in that we have a large peripheral that is able to scan our environment for threats/breaches, but when you have little control over it, well, it's a bit maddening at times really, because when you can't control the amount of information that you are consuming and trying to calculate, it can make it very difficult to focus on things that actually require a narrow concentration... that's where cannabis is helpful... a normal person's 'impairment' is a hyper-vigilant person's relief... it allows me to sort of 'shut-off' distracting stimuli, and focus on things that i want to focus on... i've written many times about canna-use on this crummy blog thing (this external article seems to be a pretty decent physio-mechanic primer), but in a nutshell, my personal benefit is what i just described, it's good for shutting out some distracting stimuli for better focus... i haven't studied neuro-mechanics to speak intelligently on the matter, but canna's therapeutics for certain endocrine regulation is self-evident, i don't require the apologist's preaching, and i don't require the skeptics warnings... i've pretty much tapered-off of canna within the past month, but i also don't leave the house very much anymore, so i'm not over-stimulated by a very large environment as of late... nice little article in the link above, but the skeptic can believe whatever they choose to believe... canna also has other therapeutics, but i'm stating one of them based on my own experience and observations... anyways, God bless.  --  ct

09-22-22 laterer:  To live in reality, and to see the world as it is, beyond our micro-environments you have to adjust the scope of your perspective... sometimes you need to focus on very small things, things that are right in front of your face... sometimes you have to widen your perspective, and look at things that are buzzing around you... other times you have to widen beyond that, and observe things that are going on with your neighbors too... and other times, well... other times you need to learn about things that are going on at state/country/continent/world, universal levels... adjusting our scope and peripheral allows us to connect more dots, make more associations, change our perspectives, see the world as it is, not what we assume and just 'settle for'… we all have the ability to observe and process our environments, and effect the future... genetically speaking we are all stuck with the camera-body that we were gifted, but learning how to use the settings on the camera, and utilizing difference lenses increase our understanding and perspective, and utilizing different macros and filters help us understand different opinions... my advice to the reader, don't be a disposable camera, they serve very little purpose, they are simple tools with little utility... broaden you perspective, exercise your gifts and understanding to live in reality, and seek the Ultimate Reality... or stay on the hamster wheel and become someone's useful idiot... this little post was the start, and then i wrote this little brief on substack to expand a bit more.  --  ct
09-19-22: i was up at the crack of dawn again... lot's of reading, writing, and editing today... made some good progress on book one, i wish i read stephen king's book 'on writing' before i started writing this one, his advice is to write a first draft as completely as possible, then deal with editing on the second draft, well i've re-written and made several edits before i finished the first draft, way to make a tough job ten times more difficult :-) ... communicated with a bunch of old and new friends today, mostly through social media though... helped some friends with a ride, they paid me back with a four-pack of my favorite beer, which i'll stretch-out until friday (payday), it was a very nice gesture though, i help people with no expectations of a return, but they showed an appreciation for the help... i seriously doubt that this batch of sleeping meds is exactly the same formula as previous batches, but that's how the VA works, they give what they get, period--i hope to shake the necessity of such medicine in the future, even practicing decent 'sleep hygiene' my body/mind doesn't like to stay asleep, i suppose their could be worse curses. Still empathizing for an old high-school sweetheart, she and her husband got the covid bug bad, VERY bad, he passed/transitioned from the germ, her grief is genuine, and she seems to have been doing all of the right things to heal, but loosing such a close person with minimal preparation/notice is enough to knock the snot out of anyone... i implore the reader to pray for a gal and her two young-adult kids, her name is Laura... i have extended family that loss their middle-school son with zero-preparation, so i've sort of witnessed the after-effects of this sort of thing... when my mom passed this mother's day i was warned weeks in advance that she could not be healed, and her end was near, being with her in hospice was good for her and i (and uncle billy too), she didn't seem to be under much distress or pain, and it seemed to be a healthy closure/good-bye, she literally faded to a stop as we held her hands, she gave me one last mother's day as a final good-bye and i'm thankful for that... but when the rug get's pulled-out from under you with no notice/warning/preparation it's a whole different scenario... how can you brace yourself for such a thing... God helps, but you still have to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, so to speak, the pain is real, and grieving is to be expected, king david's responses to a couple of deaths was spot-on... OK, hold everything... i think the sleeping pill is starting to kick-in, i hope to sleep until five tomorrow, but my expectations are much lower than that, history suggests to keep those expectations looow... anyhow, good night, and God bless. -- ct
09-18-22:  another sleeping medicine fail lastnight--i don't know if this refill is a bad batch, or what... but i've been up since 02:30.  i spent some time working on the book project that i like the most, who know's when i'll ever finish it, but today's honing was pretty good... it'll be a pretty quick read, it's just a story that's a bit of an allegory really, but i see it as a good read for new parents, and possibly children, and for adults that don't know much about God yet--or have been greatly mistaken in their perspectives of our Creator... it talks about physiological needs, but in a simple way... it talks about parental responsibilities, in a simple way... it talks about life and death in a simple way... it talks about 'time' in a simple way... it talks about humans being an extension of God in a simple way... who know's what else, the reader will take whatever they can from it... i'm just glad that i have some progress with it, i had expected it to be done months ago, but some ideas changed, and certain elements were added that i never planned from the start, so it evolved and expanded a bit, which is one of the reasons that it's taken so long... i have bits and pieces of it scattered about this website, but none of it is up to date now... it's almost 0600, and i might be just tired enough to catch a couple more hours of sleep... pardon me while i go try. --  ct
09-17-22:  i finished a brief companion to the substack post from the other day... again, simply regurgitating observations and hypothesis from some smart folks... this one is a bit less harsh than the 'dnc' post from the other day...
 ... i also self-promoted a few old posts from this website to a few facey-book friends yesterday--old friends, they were somewhat decent posts that were written with the intent of sharing information and insight that might help other folks at some period of their lives, for the periods/seasons of the inevitable shit-storm/trials.  i'm still dealing with some financial trials, but the most nasty part of my most recent shit-storm/existential-crisis seems to have passed, i brushed-off the dust, the wounds have healed, and survival/evolution continues with a better perspective and more clarity... this website is essentially the fruit of that nasty season, one of the criticisms that i have read more than once is my rebellion toward sentence structure, paragraph structure, and grammar (and occasionally a request for sources)... those are to be expected for a couple/few reasons, i'm not a very educated person (high school graduate), i find it much easier to convey the thoughts in my noggin with a simple vocabulary and less-controlled structure (genuineness and less image-egocentricity that way), and if folks are too egocentric and judgemental of my simple writing style then they aren't ready to extrapolate the baby from the bathwater (meaning they are too stupid to actually read and compute simple things) even if their IQ is higher than mine those folks suffer greatly from dunning-kruger 'syndrome' and currently deserve to think what they think until they choose to take the 'red pill' and get loose from the matrix... i'm very comfortable with a low-reader base, and have no desire to try to 'fit-in' or impress 'important people'... this website is essentially my 'therapy', and a tool/way to slow down and collect my thoughts, it's during that time when i see things for what they are, and not what i assume they are, it get's me out of pure reaction-mode/auto-pilot and more grounded... call it a state of 'reality' if you will...
 ... i spent a lot of time on the phone with some friends that i've never met before the past couple of days, both live in different states in the USA, both guys are pretty smart, trying to do what they think is right, and both have some struggles that most folks don't.  neither seem to be very judgemental of me, and are pretty good listeners, which are qualities that should be appreciated... and i return the same to them, so, you know, friends...
 ... it's starting to get cold in rockingham county, i just put the heat on to kill the chill in this old house... fleece and coffee just ain't cutting it this morning, it was the same yesterday too.  today ought to be pretty quiet, the girls have plans and i only have a couple of chores to knock-out... then it's all reading and writing, that's my idea of a good time, call me a happy-hermit because it's probably fitting at this period of my life, living a quiet simple life with few distractions is better suited for folks like me that deal with the physical condition known as 'hyper-vigilance', quiet time is my therapy, and it's when i experience the most peace and clarity... insomnia is a bit helpful that way, when i can't sleep i just get up and enjoy the stillness of my environment, it's when i write a bunch too, which is one of the reasons that some of my posts seem quite dyslexic and full of errors... on a similar note, the sun is up now, and i'm starting to get a bit hungry... so pardon me as i go take care of physiological needs :-)  --  ct
09-15-22:  jumped back into one of Christopher Langan's essays (RSS) in the wee-hours of the night--when most normal people are sleeping (the ambien worked for almost five hours)... his essay is beyond brilliant, and helped to stimulate some ideas for one of the books that i'm working on... i'll probably back-off from political commentary for a bit, and see if i can knock-out another chapter or two... wish me luck, or maybe even pray for me in regards to the writing--if you are the praying type, that is...
... Here's an excerpt from the abstract:
 "Where ultimate reality is a global self-identification operator configured as the CTMU Metaformal System (Langan, 2018), i.e., the identity-language of intelligible reality, the Reality Self-Simulation (RSS) can be identified with the Cognitive-Theoretic Model of the Universe (CTMU; Langan, 2002), which thus describes reality as a self-simulating identity operator R*:RINT|REXT and details its structure and dynamics, showing that it possesses its own universal form of consciousness (coherent self-identification and self-modeling capacity), an unbreakable quantum ontology, and a new paradigm for self-organization and emergence." 
* Langan, C. (2020). The Reality Self-Simulation Principle: Reality is a Self-Simulation. Cosmos and History: The Journal of Natural and Social Philosophy, 16(1), 466–486. Retrieved from https://www.cosmosandhistory.org/index.php/journal/article/view/867  --  ct
09-13-22:  i'm working on a doozie of a political-based article, it ought to be decent when it's done... DNC progressives will explode when they catch wind of it, i'm sure that there will be some negative reactions to it... but just doing my part in activism, it seems that's what folks do these days... i don't care for activism, but i won't sit around with my thumb up my ass hoping that others will fight for truth, and justice, because they clearly won't.  --  ct
09-11-22:  i had another sh1t-night's sleep, mind is still too sleepy to write very well, but that never stop’s me from trying… i wanted to share a bit of a nine-eleven memory... in 2001 i had been 'ETS'd' from active-duty Army for just over ten years... when i got out of the Army my left knee was pretty bad from 'soft tissue damage', normal wear-and-tear from a sometimes physically demanding job is what the Doc's told me, i was also dealing with a dose of ptsd which was mostly insomnia and anxiety and self-medicating with anything that gave me some temporary relief... ten years later i still couldn't sleep for shit, and my knee was acting-up again after a few years of some relief, i had been married for five years, and our first child was about six months old... we had recently moved from MA to NH, and i had been commuting to Ipswich, MA for the job that i had for about five years at the time... on nine-eleven i remember going into a meeting with the rest of the editorial-department's leadership, i couldn't tell you one word that was spoken in that meeting, or one idea that we were discussing, but i remember someone poking their head in the conf room, and mentioning that a plane crashed into a building, and that another plane had also crashed... after the meeting ended i went straight back to my office, turned on news radio, and got on the internet to read more... once i had realized that the disasters were no accident, and it appeared to be an act of war against America, i had to go for a walk... not sure how long i walked for, or how far i had gone, but by the time that i got back to work i knew what i wanted to do in response... by the end of the week i had called a local Army recruiter and told them that i wanted to sign back-up, i was honest about my knee (it was only a puny ten-percent disability rating), but he stated that a disability rating was an instant 'no-go', but thanks for calling... fast forward a couple of years later... i had learned that the Army relaxed their standards, and that the knee wasn't a deal-breaker anymore, so after calling a local recruiter they told me that i was now 'too old' to re-enlist... the call to the first recruiter was hard to take, i wanted to go kick the shit out of our new 'enemy' (my initial reaction to bin laden’s aggression), that was exceedingly frustrating getting rejected in that way; the call to the second recruiter was almost as frustrating, but it had finally set-in that the military no longer wanted any help from me, fine, i can take a not so subtle hint... it was all probably for the better, at that point we had a second child, and i would have left my wife outnumbered two-to-one if i left to go fight, and it would have been worse if i perished, and maybe we never would have had our third child...

 ... i don't mean to make this post all about me, but listening to people tell their 'where was i when it happened' stories brought back some memories... my knee is still gimpy, my hip is worse (small tear in a labrum), and my shoulder is worse than the both (it's pretty loosey-goosey), but i still have more fight left in me, and can shoot the red out of a target even on a bad day... but... God's will trump's my free will everyday, probably because i told Him that i wanted to serve Him, and want to do His will, not just my own... sometimes the things that we want we can't have for many reasons, some that are logical and completely understandable, and some that we may never realize, but probably for our own good, and for the greater good...
 ... there were many times that God kept me alive when situations dictated that i should have died, and there were some times when God kept me alive when i wanted to die... somewhere between my will, and God's greater will there is frustration--probably on both of our part's--but today is a good day to be alive... and to appreciate those who aren't, the one's that made the ultimate sacrifice fighting, and those while helping others; and to remember those who were killed while just going about their day when the four planes crashed...

God bless you, and may He still bless America

09-10-22:  zero-dark-thirty and i'm up already... went to bed a bit after nine, woke-up a tad after midnight and came down to use the bathroom and take an anti-inflamatory for headache, and fell back asleep for an unknown period of time, maybe ninety minutes... now it's shortly after two, the headache is gone, but i was tossing and turning long enough to consider sleeping a fool's errand, it's just not happening, but i've been itchy, so i took an antihistamine... the weird thing about the itchiness is that at some point during the little sleep that i had i dreamed that there was something on my bed that was covered with different size parasitic worms/larvae, and in the dream i wiped them off the sheet, and then before i put a new sheet on i laid back down and fell asleep on the smaller remaining larvae-looking things, that in itself would plant the suggestion that i should be itchy, but between the actual itchiness and the eye-goop i figured that it was time to take a zyrtec... to the reader that hasn't experienced periods of insomnia, well, now you have an idea what it's like, i'm out of the meds for it, so until the VA shipment arrives i just do what i can, and right now i'm trying to redeem/make-use of this state of consciousness and time, the spell-check is working like the dickens right now too... when i take the sleep-aid i don't remember any dreams at all, so in some regards i appreciate the creepy worm infested dream, it was petty darn vivid too... in my case taking 10mg of melatonin is like throwing a glass of water on a three-alarm fire, it's like eating iceburg lettuce for nutritional value, just empty calories... sometimes the antihistamine will make me drowsy, maybe there is still some sleep in my forecast, time will tell... so take all of the above information, and then imagine trying to drive-to--and perform--at a job, i already used the term 'fools errand' in this post, and can't think of any other similar one's, but you probably get the idea... the headaches that i would experience while working would be near the debilitating-level themselves... wish i could turn off my brain automatically (or maybe just dim it to a more appropriate level of consciousness) while in bed, but that's not how it works, i get whatever sleep i can get, and at least i get to rest my eyes during that time...
... i read a post yesterday (it's behind a pay-wall so i can't just give you a link to it), and it had a video link on it, as well as a link to an editorial published in newsweek, the subject was paranormal/metaphysical and UFO encounters at Skinwalker Ranch in Utah... i'm not a person that gives much time or attention to those subjects, or was ever really 'into it' growing-up, but i've seen some pretty interesting things over the years, so--similar to what Brandon Fugal wrote in his editorial--i'm not 'a believer' so to speak, but i've experienced enough anomalies with no simple answers that i have to embrace those concepts as reality... it would be interesting to actually know more about what i've seen and experienced, but i don't know what i don't know, and i sort of know what i've experienced, so there's the frustration... maybe i should look to see if they are hiring out at the ranch, but i'm not a specialist at anything, although i am a pretty good security-centric guy (there are advantages to dealing with hyper-vigilance), maybe 'Dragon' needs another assistant... if i worked out there as a security professional i would require an armalite variant chambered in either 458-socom, or Wilson Combat's 458-hammer, i wouldn't settle for anything smaller, and probably a full-sized 10mm glock as a back-up... there probably isn't anything out there to have to shoot, but shit man, if there is i'd want a tool with some serious stopping power... i'm more into meta-physical (Godly sorts of interest) than i am extra-terrestrial centric, but when you consider that the universe is God's mind, and that the universe is so fast then there simply MUST BE extra-terrestrial life that probably visits earth, then i guess you could make the point that those topics/disciplines combine into an area of interest... i love listening to, and seeing the experiments that the sciencey-pros on the TV show conduct, i'm not a sciencey-guy, but they don't speak super technical, so i'm still able to follow-along with them on the show, but being on a show would suck, i have zero desire to be on TV, and the TV cameras would seem like a big distraction, but i suppose that filming events/encounters is really most of the point, and that in itself is science... anyways, it's all interesting to me, which is probably why i'm writing about it... frankly, i think it's naive to dis-consider alien life, especially if you consider deduction-reasoning/statistics, if you consider the size of the universe, and if you consider that folks from all parts of earth have reported seeing weird things in the sky for millennia then, well--to quote sleepy-Joe-- 'C'mon Man'... now you see what i'm sayin', of course you do... the other aspect to consider is an 'only child' type of syndrome/principle--do you really think that God wouldn't/didn't create other life beyond earth, and it's natural inhabitants, do you really think that we are His 'only child', c'mon maaan... that's the only way that i can explain my reasoning at this time of the morning, but then again, if you haven't seen/experienced some real UFO things then of course this all sounds like hokey-pokey, so i won't knock the skeptical reader, to be brutally honest, some folks version of reality is limited to the size/scope of their immediate venue/geography/environment and what they've been told, so i can't knock the skeptic, i just have to embrace as much of reality as my simple little noggin can hold...
... OK, i think it's time to try to sleep again, glad it's Saturday, and i have no place to go, just a few chores around the house, and plenty of things to read and consider and probably some writing too, which is basically par for my course, so to speak... have a blessed saturday.  --  ct

09-10-22 later:  if you read the previous post just understand that i've been unemployed (partially self-employed) for over two years now, so lot's of times when i look at things of interest i imagine some sort of employment opportunity, i'm certainly not a rancher or a security professional, the Army did help instill certain physical-security traits, and the sheep-dog mentality that i posses is just sort of built-in, i can't really shake that, it's just 'there'.  But where meta-physical meets extra-terrestrial, well that's just too interesting, how can it not be.  Anyways, C Langan wrote another thought-provoking/stimulating post, and covered another topic that i appreciate, and got me looking at a few skinwalker ranch videos... BTW, there is a 'skinwalker ranch insider' thing that you can pay to subscribe to see footage not shown on the series, and as interesting as that prospect seems, i'm too broke for another paid service, too many family priorities and not enough resources to spend on interesting things and clubs, and i honestly don't see the earned-income changing, until i finally finish a couple of books that i've been chipping away at, so i'm settling for the free resources on the webber-net for now.  --  ct
09-08-22:  it's approximately entirely-too-early in the morning, and i'm doing this already... the good news is that the coffee is smooth and delicious... i'm not quite coherent enough to write anything decent, i get pretty dyslexic when i'm not fully with it... may your thursday be fruitful and blessed --  ct
09-05-22: i'm listening to the fox news while i'm writing... right now they are talking about the difficulty that many employers are having filling open positions, and that unemployment rate is increasing... the fox crew is talking about the notion that there is some sort of government incentive for folks to not work, which is a big contributor to 'the problem'... i could approach the 'problem' from many perspectives and use all sorts of variables to give a logical analysis--but i'm not going to do that---i'm only going to approach it from my perspective, a fifty-something year old american-born citizen that's worked since i was kid--another important factor, i've been mostly 'unemployed' and somewhat 'self-employed' since the onset of the covid-bug in the USA... i've gone through some periods of unemployment, mostly in the last ten years or so, but never longer than a few months (to my recollection)... this time it's different, this time the regular self-contractor gig that i was doing severed around the new year of 2020... i was doing some pretty physical work, it was interesting and had some unconventional but decent benefits, the pay wasn't terrible, but it certainly was good enough considering the abuse that the job put on my 50-year old frame, and it certainly wasn't worth the aggravation of the commuter-traffic that i sat in, sometimes as much as fifteen to twenty hours per week of time that i'll never get back, time that i breathed in the exhaust of thousands of cars around me, as the slow-moving distracted-drivers spending more time looking at their devices and not the road or others around them for a minimum of an hour each shot, ten times per week... i miss absolutely none of that, not one fvcking second of it, actually... i also really Really REALLY don't do office settings/environments very well, there are far too many distractions in an office environment, even when i was in my own office you still get regular phone calls, and folks coming in for information or direction... i've been accused of not being a good 'team player' once or twice, i just work far better on my own in a less distracting environment... i started to become more social oriented and less productive when i worked in large office settings, i would have been at least twice more productive if they gave me a closet in the basement, or gave me the remote 'work from home' option, and it would have saved me hours per day commuting when i would have been 'polluting the air' with all the other commuters... some professions require regular human interaction, and the personality types that do well with it--i like people, and helping people, and working along side others, but if you want me to be really productive you're better to leave me by myself in a quiet environment and give me access to the knowledge and resources that i might need form time-to-time... i guess that labels me a bit introverted maybe, but really it's because i'm easily distracted and can loose focus and become ADD when exposed to large degrees of stimuli, it's wears on my noggin after varying lengths of time, and can lead to anxiety, especially with insomnia... drinking lot's of coffee isn't a good solution to that mess either, it's delicious, and the caffeine is nice sometimes, but it can put the anxiety closer to a mania... anyways, back to the labor shortage problem that some employers are complaining enough that it makes it on the news... here are some of the points that i took-away from this latest bout with unemployment...
... commuting sucks, period
... some personality types are better working remotely
... the combination of driving in heavy traffic and going to a job full of distracting stimuli isn't healthy/sustainable for me
... i don't have the physical capacity to work certain jobs anymore, my frame is getting a bit gimpy
... insomnia exasperates the negative aspects of the first four points
... family needs are more important than employer's needs, government lock-downs and remote-learning for school aged kids that required more parental support showed me that, you have be a father before being someone's 'employee'
... vaccine requirements prevent me from considering many employers, i won't work for those idiots that enforce them, and the one's that 'no longer' enforce them have to tell me why they enforced them in the first place, i have to know that they learned their lesson, period
... face-masks are OK for a short period of time, but i don't wear them more than an hour, period
... you have the NIH and the CDC and the idiots that jumped on their band-wagon to thank for your so called 'hiring problem', those folks killed your labor force, it's close-minded to just say that unemployed folks are lazy and unmotivated
... but i think my biggest take-away from this last spell of unemployment is that i was not working in a very logical or sustainable job for me when covid restrictions began destroying people's jobs and livelihoods... i've learned that much, i should have been doing something else that was easier on my body, and didn't require an unhealthy commute
... i also learned that i don't live in a healthy environment, for multiple reasons, but we need to move soon, period
... growing and raising physiological needs (food) make more sense than commuting into a busy venue five days per week, but you need property to do so
... and, after fifty-something years i learned that i enjoy writing, practice increases skill, and there is earning potential, maybe a good job to transition into since my aging body requires change
... there are other things that i could mention, but that's good enough for now  --  ct

09-05-22 later:  two of the strangest papers that i've held in both hands, the birth certificate, and death certificate of a loved-one... the story in between them is ours to remember  --  ct

09-05-22 more later:  the substack post on 'trauma' seems to be getting some decent views, i haven' pushed it much, so that's cool, but no one comments, some folks hate my poor use of grammar, i get it... the post speaks to God a bit, so that aspect alone will trouble some folks too... it doesn't matter, reality is reality whether we choose to recognize it or not, so it's better to write truthfully and it's acceptance will fall where it may, not all ground is granite, there is some soil out there... anyways... it's been a rainy labor day, not complaints from me, we need the water, plus it keeps some of the noise-maker motorcycles riding passed the house, the rain cuts-down on the window-shaking from insensitive idiots that don't give a fvck about their surroundings or other people, so i appreciate the rain  --  ct
09-04-22: i've been writing on the political section a bit lately, and some here, and some things on substack... besides my opinions on certain matters i'm pretty healthy these days, my eyes have been better, it seems like this allergy season has been harsh on my optics... my teeth have been better, gotta see a dentist soon... dentist and an eye exam would do me wonders... otherwise pretty healthy... trying to get caught-up with the bills too, it's hard enough, but finding the extra money for mom's funeral--or whatever we want to call her memorial service--seems like a financial pipe-dream right now, but i hope to be able to put something together for her birthday if i can make that work... wife and kids seem to be good too, the kids are growing/learning/maturing and expanding their environments, the wife is still exercising her gifts M-F, 9-6, but teaching and caring for toddlers is certainly taking it's physical toll on her... we will never 'retire', we can't afford to do so, and life is too short to stop moving, but we are looking forward to next year to start a transition, youngest daughter graduates next year, and as a family we will relocate/move, not sure exactly where and when, but we know that we have to... writing is going OK, i'm the exact reason/example of why editors exist, some folks still appreciate my writing style, they can discern the baby from the bath-water and aren't distracted by run-on sentences and grammatical errors, but most folks can't get-over them... i get it... i still have long-term projects to attend to, mostly held-up by financial restrictions, and others have lower-priorities than life's current circumstances... i'm still a bit needy in many respects, but have been able to help others, sometimes without even realizing it, cool, right... i've been reading a bunch, but not as much as i'd like, sometimes it's a luxury and not a priority... the long-weekend isn't much of a thing, life goes on whether we want to take an extra day-off or not, my life is pretty simple and boring, so there's no need for an extra day or doing boring routine things, labor day just means that apple harvest has begun, yeah man... anyways, gorls ae home with groceries, done checking-in... God bless, and enjoy the rest of the weekend. -- ct
09-03-22:  ok, this is a bit embarrassing/transparent, but so what, it's truth.  i like reading blogs/essays/books by folks that are clearly more intelligent than me, it's like exercising a bit... i noticed the same principle playing tennis back in the day, you improve your skills by playing with someone that's always a bit better than you, but then when i played-down to 'competitive' intermediates that weren't really good yet i would actually play worse... the competitiveness was nonsense unless playing with buddies over bragging rights when we shared a beer later... i enjoyed the sport for the fun and non-boring way to exercise, learn and get better at some skills, and getting out in nature, honestly i just loved learning how to work the ball, and spin and turn it the way that i wanted to, and making it bounce really close to where i wanted it to bounce, and sometimes hitting it as hard as i could... i couldn't have given a crap about score-keeping really; and then similar with golf (also back in the day), i enjoyed playing the game, but i only wanted to come close to matching my expectations rather than keeping score--did the ball reach the distance that i expected, did it land from the angle/curve/trajectory that i had expected, and did it roll or not roll as expected when it landed, and whether or not i could predict the angles and speed of the green as well as i thought that i could have, if you want to compete you compete with the course and it's par... anyways, the golf was a bit of a side-track, sorry... so playing tennis with folks that were at least a couple of skill-levels better (or just more consistent) helped me improve, and usually kept me moving enough to get a good cardio/vascular work-out, which is most of the point really, besides the fellowship/socialization...
... the same principle seems to help with certain types of intelligence, most aspects of intelligence improve with exercise and interest/attention/focus... but then there is this other thing, it's different than 'intelligence', it's more to do with our physical noggins, the good old IQ... i honestly don't know if i've ever done one of those tests, probably as a kid... but now understanding that most of those tests are time-measured automatically put's me at a lower end of the spectrum, if you ask me something in an unfamiliar way it might take me extra long to figure out what you're asking, i might be capable of processing a multi-variable question correctly, but understanding the rules and how the questions are presented is what get's me half the time, and sometimes i can't recall information from memory very well (that can be very frustrating after studying for a test--and then during the test i give myself a stress headache trying to remember)... and then there's math, math is very symbol-based, it's like a new language to me, and i don't do well with learning new languages, unless/until i'm immersed in them.  i have learned different types of math when i had to, but using the symbols as my information and the variables is a pain in the ass (and head) to me, yet i'm good analyzing data/variables in an english-language based multi-connected string of databases; but when folks prove-disprove things with math and fill the white-board with equations then i'm your drooling village-idiot... even when i learned different types of math i didn't know when to apply which type of math to solve different problems, so i only understood the 'rules', but was missing a greater perspective/understanding... so why did i write all of this?  well... some groups of smart people make you prove certain test score just to participate in their groups... i don' have excess money to take a real test, and i don't do well on timed-tests (usually), and i'm not great at math that includes anything more than actual numbers, except for + - x / ( ) ... and i'm not very well-read to answer questions on theories that i'm unfamiliar with, obscure references will either shut me up or forced/have to ask a bunch of questions... so anyways, i'm sure that my 'IQ' will test closer to retarded than genius, and i don't have the extra money floating around a physical or internet-bank or in my pocket to take one... the fact that i have to read things more than a couple of times to grasp theories/questions proves that i'm not the brightest bulb in the string, or sharpest tool in the shed, or--point made... no need for me to take any tests to prove what i already expect, but i do get frustrated when i have to read things multiple times to grasp the big picture and still might miss some key details, yet other folks read the same things quickly and know-it. some things are easier to understand than others, and not everything you read comes with a lexile score, and even if it did i'd still hack away at it until i understood it... it really shouldn't be that difficult to be average, but maybe that's because i am the village idiot... who knows... somehow or another i am connected to God's mind, and i think that's what is most important.  --  ct

09-03-22 later:  so i've had a couple of decent PC monitors that haven't been used for years now, i recently got a couple of monitor stands for them for free--i thought i'd set them up, and get them connected to this laptop today... i had to mill part of the plastic housing on the monitors to accept the mounting brackets, that sucked, but i got it done, i also had to mill some of the plastic on the mounting brackets too, that sucked, but it's done, everything fits nicely now... i mount the monitors to the stands and they drop/sink, there is a spring-loaded height-adjusting do-hickey inside of the stands, and the monitors were too heavy for them... grrr... i take the monitors off of the stands, crack-open the stands to get to the spring thing, found the tension screw and adjusted to a sweet-spot, then crudely got everything back together... was it worth it to get two well-used monitors back in action... i dunno, i still need an adapter to connect them to the laptop... i keep telling myself that it was worth the time/effort... but time will tell... frickin monitors and stands :-)  --  ct
09-02-22:  working on another crappy amateur essay on manipulation, i'll put this one on substack when it's done, also tying it in with 'mass formation' theory, it'll be halfway decent for a non-pro... lot's of political news lately, especially considering that the brandon-in-cheif finally channeled and displayed the demon behind the dnc, it was quite a show and demon-stration of lunacy, i wonder what substances/molecules his handlers gave him lastnight, he certainly consumed something sketchy, maybe a horse-sized dose of ecstasy, which is fine as long as they don't let him near girls until the effects wear-off, otherwise he assumes that he's on epstein's island of misfit pedophiles, him and willy gates... anyhow, there's plenty of political posturing to comment/opine, the dnc has such bad actors/actresses that they make criticism easy... better to live and operate in reality so folks like me won't call-out and try to correct the nonsense... i have some decent religiousy topics that i'm bouncing around the old noggin lately, i'll expand on the topics when i feel confident to do so, but right now i'm just frustrated that so many folks reject God, and the words that He's sent through mostly old and dead folks and others today, Logos still lives and some folks even appreciate it, but most folks appreciate darkness over light, and so goes the struggle of our lifetime... knocking on someone's forehead while shouting 'hello, McFly' doesn't work, no, seriously, it doesn't seem to help at all.  --  ct
09-01-22:  i posted this under the 'religion and Philosophy' section about a week ago, and just put it out on Substack, don't know if it will help motivate anyone, but if it helps just one person in anyway then great, it served it's purpose.  --  ct

09-01-22 later:  i'm getting very distracted by politics again, it's taking entirely too much focus, there shouldn't be so much nonsense going on in the world, and so many people trying to distort reality and manipulate others, all that sh1t does is prevent progress and a healthy evolution... anyways... some folks that are liberal are probably 'praying for me', or maybe God wants to reveal a bit to me about liberals, but whatever the case may be i've been trying to be a bit more empathetic toward some of their causes, and the 'heart' behind them... i think it's more of the horse-shit policy that they attach to some of their good-heated legislature that i don't care for the most, really, and then the bull-shit nonsense excuses that they come-up with to justify/sell it, and then the marxist approach to activism, and the extent that they are willing to commit to try to intimidate and force their 'issues'... so those are most of the reasons why i'm motivated to critique and write about political/social/government things that sound very conservative and anti-liberal, personally speaking--i like being liberal when i have excess resources, but not so much when i'm closer to being on the needy-side of the tax-bracket/scale... i think it's more of the 'progressive' side of the dnc that i take most issue with, they are the folks that are constantly trying to do new social and economic theories that require federal sponsorship and subsequent bail-outs after consistent failures... if you think of 'liberal' in the sense that you are trying to help meet the needs of others then fine by me, i think that aspect falls under the golden-rule, you got me there, and i do like to give to folks that i love, and to others that are in need, or could really use what i have if i don't really need it... if you look at the word 'progressive' in the sense that tax-payers and corporations have to pay for other people to theorize and experiment on everything under the sun, well that's where you loose my liberal heart, progressives want to throw the darts to see if any will stick, it's like a never ending barrage of shotgun fired bee-bees from a hundred yards out trying to hit a flying insect, even it's a million to one ratio, and not giving a rat's ass when tax-payers have to fund AND bailout such nonsense, so the 'fiscal conservative' in me doesn't appreciate the unsustainable costs when the burden is placed on tax-payers... and the 'social conservative' in me doesn't appreciate unsustainable social and abnormal behaviors which are elevated and prioritized, by the time kids get out of elementary school they know that it takes a man and a woman to contribute to life, anything else isn't sustainable to continue human life and healthy evolution, so i think that when the dnc-types celebrate and promote unsustainable human and social behavior-deviancy they aren't being authentic and aren't doing the human race any good, it's sort of like not telling someone that hasn't noticed that they have a big booger hanging from their nose at a big party, and instead telling them that they look great... but like i was saying, i've been trying to consider the good behind some of the dnc's policies, i think if you strip the special-interest pork out of most bills/legislature then i probably don't have much to complain about... i have a heart to help others, but don't want to give a share of my earnings to fund unproven social and economic theories that over-complicate simple matters.  --  ct
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