12-12-2020: A year that most of us would like to forget is finally coming to an end … that’s good, right? Maybe yes and No. During 2020 most people would agree with at least one of the following: been hurt by COVID or it’s restrictions, angered by injustice--in any of its forms, or fought with loved ones about who should or shouldn’t be elected to govern us. All of those things are terrible on their own, but all in one year is enough to want to forget and put it all to rest. But if you have been hurt, angered or squabbled and are still feeling the pain, then it shows that we’ve still got unfinished business to deal with before we can forget 2020, and move on with the New Year.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed anything, I’m not a professional anything, I don’t have a degree in anything…everything I write is simply opinion and observations of me, an old guy in his 50’s.

I’m not gonna lie, I got roughed up this year emotionally. For me it was a combination of the three nasty things mentioned in opening paragraph, well more or less. I’ll also say that I’ve been unemployed since March, meaning that I’ve had an unfortunately long time to reflect on struggles this year. Possibly more painful than any of that, though, was a moment of clarity that hit me after a recent anxiety attack…that, for a broke guy whose better years are behind him, well somehow, I still have a big ego.

The idea that most of the things that got me so riled-up in 2020 (actually 1969 thru 2020) were based on my own egotistic, arrogance, ignorance, greed, fear and probably other deficiencies that I’ll have to address when they arise; I guess you could say it’s been quite a blow to my ego ever since.

I mentioned that I’m not a professional, so here’s a brief definition by someone who is:

Egotism is another common ego-word in psychology. Egotism involves evaluating oneself more favorably than is objectively warranted.  Just as we are all egoistic and egocentric, we also tend to be egotistical as well.” -- Mark Leary Ph.D.; Toward a Less Egoic World

Back to opinions and observations:

A good Ego/self-image is most noticeable in people that you might describe with words like “transparent, genuine, modest, unassuming, peaceful, respectful, understanding”.

An Ego that’s gone off-course is most noticeable in people that might be described as either “arrogant, bully, controlling, conceited, condescending, cheaters, disrespectful, easily angered, judgmental, narcissistic, self-centered.” Most people know a big ego when we see one; now check out this excerpt:

“Some 46 of the biggest stars in the world came together for the project under the direction of producer Quincy Jones. As the room filled with such a mind-boggling array of talent, each artist was famously greeted with the sign that instructed them, in no uncertain terms, to ‘check your egos at the door’.” -- Paul Sexton; “Check Your Egos At The Door”: Recording ‘We Are The World’

Most successful coaches teach and enforce the same ‘Leave your ego outside’ principle, why? Is it safe to say that they (and Quincy Jones) have an understanding that rich/talented people probably have the tendency to let their ego (their own personal ambitions and self-importance) get in the way of a bigger/better thing? I’ve heard it said, in a church or two, that it’s important for EVERYONE to have someone in their lives that they respect enough to tell them when their Ego (or a selfish kind of pride) is getting too big. But unfortunately, a very egotistical person feels better to surround ourselves with enablers, ‘yes-man’, or people that will help you justify our selfish actions and attitude, rather than submitting ourselves to a reality-check that may be painful to our egos.

What if a big ego goes unchecked for too long? Like most problems that we face every day, if we don’t take care of the problem it turns into a ‘snowball effect’, rolling down the hill getting bigger and more dangerous as it rolls out of control. An ego that’s gone bad and unchallenged by caring family, friends or peers… well, there are dictators, cult leaders, terrorists; even aggressive countries that steal what’s not theirs and destroy whatever stands in their way; those are just a few examples, and all extreme.

How about some slightly less extreme examples that we might actually have to deal with on a daily basis:

·         overly controlling boss, parent, partner, spouse, politicians, government

·         overly emotional people that ‘can’t talk about it right now’, or easily panicked; the opposite might be angry and confrontational when approached, name-callers

·         the person that thinks they are the smartest one in the room, or someone that ‘talks down’ to others in condescending, demeaning, disrespectful, and arrogant ways

Social media influencers, bloggers, a spokes-person for anyone or anything, anyone in the entertainment industry, politicians, professional athletes, developers of any type, super-rich, reporters, scholars, activists, actors, artists and comedians… It’s not impossible, but without a solid grounding, being genuine and true to yourself, and having people in your inner circle that will bring you back down to reality; it seems like a ‘slippery slope’ that’s destined for disaster. Most people with out of control egos will eventually have a painful reality check when they push the limits of what society is willing to take, or they get the crap beaten out of them and some sense knocked into them. Most people that is, don’t forget about tyrants, dictators, and other predators.

Dr. Mark Leary stated in his article that everyone has an ego because it’s literally how you see yourself both externally and internally. I’m not quoting him or anyone but I think the escalation of an out of control ego might look something like this:

Ego > Warped self-image > Conceited > Greed > Lust for power > Lust for control > Manipulate > Steal/Cheat/kill > Someone or something puts an end to you and its over

Next, I want to be clear that I have tried to keep out of online politicking during this election cycle (because I know it gets my blood pressure up too much), but here are a few obvious examples of what we’ve all seen recently.  Now I’m about to start offending some people (please feel free to ‘Unfriend’ me at any point), but if you keep reading I will tie-in the title ‘Ego, Greed and Lust’.

Example 1: President Donald Trump -- His ego is undeniable, he is rich and powerful, he had good looks, a solid education, he’s intelligent (although his critics would disagree), I mean, if there was ever a poster-child for what it takes to get an inflated ego, he’s got it all. It’s inevitable in a mostly two-party political system that he would divide the nation in some fashion or another, especially when one of his original campaign slogans was to drain the swamp (of career politicians). He declared a war of sorts against the Egotists that have been running our country, so naturally the folks living in the swamp declared war against him in any and every fashion imaginable. Ego vs. Ego, what a nasty war, and within our very own borders.

If this offended you please Unfriend me.

Example 2: President-elect Joe Biden – His ego isn’t so obvious, but he is a career politician, a ‘swamp-monster’ if you will.  Washington DC is his place to seek opportunity and make a hefty income, it’s no longer about what’s best for our country and it’s citizens, it’s now about how to make the most opportunity for yourself while you’re there. If you haven’t heard any news regarding his son Hunter’s business dealings with other adversarial nations, well that’s your own fault for not looking outside of your preferred news outlet (you probably get your news from face book, Bloomberg, MSNBC or CNN), but I’ll tell you this, Joe Biden is very proud of his son, illegal business dealings and all. I’m pretty sure that he will also let his son take the fall for the family’s actions, he will throw him under the bus and continue to deny any involvement, because that’s what a compromised ego does, until they fall from positions of prominence.

If this offended you please Unfriend me.

Example 3: California Congressman Eric Swalwell – Poster-child for what can happen to a huge ego… a compromised integrity with blinding arrogance. There are zillions of people from past and present generations that would like to be important and famous and wealthy and liked… but not everyone is willing to compromise their integrity and become a whore ‘of sorts’ to get to that place of fame and fortune, but a run-away ego will take and use whatever means necessary to get there. A run-away ego will happily accept money from foreign governments, I mean it’s all just politics right? Eric Swalwell is my inspiration for the title ‘Ego, Greed and Lust’, and If you want to understand what I’m talking about here, well just google his name and fang fang. This is the same compromised guy that sits on one of the congressional committees that requires about the highest level of security clearance ever invented, and he’s been compromised by spies from an adversarial country (China) and he still has the arrogance to minimize the ordeal, maintain that he shouldn’t step down from his super-secret committee, and declare that it’s just President Trump getting back at him, he would like you to think that it’s a non-story. And while he currently stays quiet, his DNC or Chinese counterparts will try to come up with other excuses to deflect responsibility on anyone else than Swalwell or China. But Swalwell’s fall from prominence is inevitable, he should have surrounded himself with sound reasonable people, not ego-stokers. He possesses the type of ego that can convince himself of what he wants to believe and then pours on the acting that’s necessary to make everyone else believe him. Swalwell has been compromised, he knows it, and is living in fear of being caught, and called-out. He should be, he is a disgrace.

If that offended you please Unfriend me.

I’m pretty hard on Swalwell for a reason, because that’s me, sort of. There are many ancient sayings and texts that say almost the same thing, the negative things that you see in others is also in you and in your soul and very much a part of your own ego; why do you think political seasons are so insane, Ego’s pointing fingers at other Ego’s, and way too much acting and deflecting to really be honest and genuine. I’ve been convincing myself that I shouldn’t have to be going through the difficult crap in my life, that life should be easier for me, that I should have a decent paying job that will make life easier for wife and kids and yes, ME... I’ve convinced myself that somehow I deserve that. I’ll get upset when I have no control over a situation, you know, when you can’t have it your way. I really don’t let people get close to me because they may not like what they see, or they will see all of my bad points and just judge me. I’ll tell people just enough about difficulties that keeps them at arm’s length and not get deep into my messy feelings, and I’m sure that it doesn’t stop there, I’m a straight up mess sometimes, especially when I’m alone with my thoughts for too long, my own worse critic you could say.

If you now think less of me now please Unfriend me.

I’ve recognized some of my deficiencies over the past year, and I’m working on them. I expect that I’ll become a better son, husband, father, friend, and relative as I slowly become more true to myself, and less of ‘the person that I think you want me to be’ (I mean I’m not even a politician so what was I doing). I’ve got a long way to go to be the sincere and genuine person that I should be, and I don’t have all the answers, but I’m optimistic of the future.

I can end this post at anytime now, I think I’ve said all that I really have to say, except there is one more part that is important…


Here’s where I need your help. If you have said or written anything negative about ‘Trump Supporters’ grouping us as a whole and really meant it, please Unfriend me now, we were probably close once, but we’ve grown apart, it’s not you it’s me. if I was ever important to you please take my advice and seek out someone you trust and tell them you need an ego-check, but meanwhile I find your arrogance and hatred offensive and your actions have consequences, it doesn’t matter if you are family friend or acquaintance, please Unfriend me now. I’ll still act civil toward you, and respect you when we meet again, but please, Unfriend me now. It’s much easier for me to get on with life if I don’t follow or befriend people that don’t really like me, or talk about me behind my back.

If you have said or written anything negative about Conservatives, or Fox News viewers over the past year and meant it, please Unfriend me now. I find your disrespectful judgement offensive and your actions have consequences, please just Unfriend me now. CNN, MSNBC, twitter and face book news feeds will keep feeding you what they want you to hear, nothing more and nothing less, but you should know there is another side to every story.

I’m a PTS Vet that’s exchanged gunfire with terrorists because I really believe that despite all it’s flaws The United States of America is still the greatest nation on earth, and is worth defending. I don’t care for sneaky politicians with compromised integrity who put their own greed above our country and it’s citizens. If your hatred for Donald Trump led you to vote for Joe Biden please Unfriend me now, because your hatred is also directed at me, and the hatred in your heart won’t go away when there is a new president… it will just come out in another form.

Some Democrats have spoken out with their intentions to black-list Trump Supporters to try to make life difficult for us, employers won’t want to hire me, big deal, I wouldn’t want to work for their organizations or earn them one cent anyhow.

Face book logs me at 453 ‘friends’, I don’t think I’ve ever had more than a few real friends in my lifetime. I expect that by the end of the year I may only have a dozen or so actual face book friends. And I really hope that those dozen are solid people that are transparent, genuine, peaceful, respectful, and understanding… those are the traits that I’m striving for, and it’s my wish for you in 2021. God Bless.