I’m Spiraling out of Control, and It’s wicked funny

12-18-2020:  Most people that know or have met me know I can be pretty funny. I like to be light-hearted and have conditioned myself to use humor -- I think -- to…

 … make new friends

 … to try to make a point

 … try to make stressful situations more bearable

 … show others that since I know what’s funny I’m cool and ‘normal’

 … keep people from getting so close to me that they’ll see that I’m a wreck

 … lie to people around me that ‘I’m fine’ and don’t need your help

People much smarter than me could explain those things in more depth, word it correctly, and tell you a lot of other things that people use humor for. Reality/Disclaimer is that I’m not very smart, so I’ll be straight-up and tell you that I barely finished High School and never sought a degree in anything, I’m not a professional anything, and I hold no certifications in anything, in fact I’m uncomfortably unemployed. But, if you can see where the funny/humor thing is leading already and it interests you enough that you want learn from the pros try googling something like ego and humor. If my writing style speaks to you and you think you want to hear more from the least important and insignificant person in the world (except to my immediate family) then keep reading, but I will offend you; and, you’re not all that important yourself if you want to get real.

More about the title … some people think it is funny when they see/notice that someone is pretty messed-up and going downhill, there are plenty of movies that are based on that topic alone. I think that when people find someone else’s demise funny they are shallow, and they are fooling themselves because they think they have it all together themselves … You do too and you have a big ego, and I hope that offends you, it should because you are pretty offensive yourself. Unfriend me now and go find a friend that knows you have a big ego and tell them you need a reality check.

But part of what I’m trying to say in the title is that some people are a wreck, and most of the time people that are a wreck use some defense mechanism to keep people away, or to keep people form getting close enough to see their stinking hot mess… I use humor. There are some very funny yet very stable people in the world and I appreciate that, but that’s not me…I am still funny and maybe make you laugh, but I think my humor will be different than it was maybe two weeks ago, because I think I’m starting to understand how I’ve been fooling myself and lying to everyone around me by manipulating you with humor.

What is your defense mechanism when someone starts to get too close for comfort? You have something that you do, and may not be aware of it… but you do something yourself to keep people at bay. I don’t really know anything on that subject yet, only what I’ve been learning about my own weird tendencies.

But there is another point in the title, the word ‘control’, and it might be the most important word, at least to me it is.

There have been multiple events in my life’s journey that I would prefer to forget about altogether, some people define them as traumatic, and those are people smarter than me so they are probably right. Trauma has multiple meanings and I won’t attempt to dig deep into… because I haven’t researched it yet… because I’m lazy. But I remember a medical professional explaining to me that trauma can be caused in a split second when something terrible is about to happen to them and they have ZERO CONTROL to be able to stop it from occurring, and it’s the actual realization that you have no control that becomes trauma in itself… in addition to the obvious damages that were done by the event. That made sense enough to me, and it was all I could handle at the time, and those kinds of things have happened more than once, so fine, I’ve been exposed to trauma, I’ll take note of that, but I’m fine for now.

In my limited understanding there is--or can be--a direct link with TRAUMA and CONTROL… Probably add humor and control, anger and control, emotions and control, there are a lot of things that control us, and lots of things we try to control ourselves. Sometimes we try to control other people, like by over-reacting and being over-emotional, sometimes we try to control people with just our stare and the intensity in our eyes, but we all try to control people somehow, usually with words or actions. I try to control people with my humor, I try to use humor to communicate. How do you try to control people, you do it too so shut-up and be real for a second… you do it too. The very thought that you don’t think that you try to control other people is appalling and you are lying to yourself and Unfriend me.

But why does anyone feel like they have to control anyone else, maybe because they aren’t being genuine and true to themselves. Maybe controlling others is how people with their own fears and insecurities is one of their coping mechanisms. Maybe they are too lazy to communicate clearly and honestly. Maybe they have such a compromised ego that they have to manage everything around them. I’m not an expert, but I think there are a lot of ‘maybes’ and possibilities why controlling people do what we do. But you do it too, stop for two minutes to honestly ask yourself how you do it and why you feel that you need to do it … if you don’t you are shallow, superficial and lazy and think I’m full of crap and you have a big ego … and I hope that offends you.

Everyone is more screwed-up than we are willing to admit to ourselves and to others, and we all have some types of coping (drugs alcohol) and defense (humor anger) mechanisms that prevent us from being true, end of point.

My writing style is simple, imperfect, but understandable to most people, I’ve been conditioned that way, I barely graduated high school but eventually had to communicate directly to COOs, CFOs and CEOs and other smart people. It would take me 10 times longer to write one simple email because I had to word it the way that I thought they want to read, and the way that I think I wanted to say it, and whatever, blah blah blah.  I’m trying to be more honest and genuine with myself and others now, it’s much easier to express what’s in your head if you aren’t trying to control the outcome of your correspondence. Anyway, I also had to write instructions for a great group of adults that English was their second language. I’m also a dad to 3 teenagers who sometimes need help with homework, so I’ve been conditioned to not have to make myself sound smart anymore, but to write in a simple way that almost anyone can understand… if you want to dismiss anything that I’ve written because of the simple imperfect way that I write then you need more help than anyone I know and you are arrogant and shallow, so take a quick look into it yourself, there are intelligent people that have probably written similar subject matter and it’s easy to look up when you are ready to, just don’t be lazy and dismiss it all as a crazy 50-something guy that’s lost it, because you know there is some truth written above.