03-29-21 later: i need to add some updates to the last article that i posted just over a week ago, i forgot to mention a venture that Dr wolf is involved with that i appreciate, i can't blast someone for some things that i don't appreciate and let it go as the final word when i realize that i was riled-up enough that i clearly forgot to mention something positive about the nice Dr... so i'm off to do an update. -- ct

03-29-21: pretty dang windy since late last night, late last night our front outer door wasn't fully closed so it was banging upside the little rail, i sort of just stayed in bed downstairs close to where it was and wasn't bothered much by it but it woke everyone else up to where my wife came downstairs and closed it right, and the wind has been howling ever since. i've been busy over the weekend, i got a few outdoor projects done and a few indoor projects done and a bunch of driving errands done ... and now there are 'regular chores' to get caught back up on, good grief. But its my life right now so cool, right now i am currently an unemployed stay at home at dad sort of, and sort of because i am partially employed because the contents of this website are opinions of an opinionated guy that is actually also technically a small business… and because i purposely do not do a bunch of the 'regular things' that people who attempt to profit from the internet usually try to do, plus i don't encourage 'donations' because i'm not a charity and i do not really want to make money doing what opinionated people do to make money, but really I am working right now, so give/support if you want, but only give like a dollar or two, anymore is pointless... so that was a side track to say that i am technically part-time employed by the very act of me writing today's blog, but my 'employment' doesn't pay to fill a pot of beans so even though exercising my God-given gift of freedom and my solid education by writing is a job and really a transition into a new 'career' of sorts, my previous employment ended with some help from covid-19 but really wasn't something that i could have kept up with much longer due to nagging physical injuries, so it wasn't a good long term career path for me and that job wasn't right for many other reasons too. So working my way into a new career as an internet publisher has been a great exercise in learning to be more genuine and authentic and to slow down my life to a point where i can ‘write because i want to, not because i have to’. At the same time i am also searching for work that i am capable of doing that is in close enough geographic proximity that is feasible, and even that isn’t as easy as it may seem. I will also tell you that I greatly appreciate all of the extra covid relief types of bills that have been passed at federal levels and have made my transition into a new career much more bearable than the first 6 months of my personal experience, those first six months sucked like nobody’s business but eventually the state governments caught up with me and made things right and my family can eat while my new career blossoms or whatever happens next, so a huge big and appreciative shout-out to the American tax-payer that has helped immensely while I find a new job that pays at least a pot of beans … so when I say that I am sort of employed you know what I mean, and when I say that I am a stay at home dad/spouse you know what I mean, maybe. So nothing good on the job boards that I frequent, and the clothes dryer alert/song just signaled so I’m done for working at the moment, now there is other work begging for my attention, stupid laundry. -- ct

03-26-21: awesome day today, productive even though on limited sleep, weather started windy and rainy and now it feels like full blown spring. i'm getting a climbing rope set up for my son to practice with in the little back yard, and landlady was cool with location, and she looks healthy too, health is a thing at her age, anyway glad it worked out. my son is built a little smaller and a little thinner than i was at his age, but he is healthier in many respects and he is learning how to utilize a good strength to weight ratio, you should see the kid do pull-ups and push-ups and sit-ups already, we got to get his lungs/legs working for him to be a strong young Marine, he's got to get out and run, anyway the climbing rope and gymnastic rings will be good supplements to his current exercise routine. i was hoping to get him out shooting something other than the .22lr i got him as a kid, but there is this big thing going on where the riffle that i am exceedingly proficient with will become controlled by uncle sam so maybe i won't be able to have that experience with my kid but i know i can get him comfortable with a straight-out civilian ar-15 and maybe even help him discover a gift, we will see. I’m too upset to talk about gun control right now because our federal government hates me anyway, they think I am a scumbag drug-abuser that will never be able to get a security clearance again because I use cannabis-sativa to help relieve symptoms of ptsd including anxiety, uncle sam doesn’t want me even looking at a firearm because apparently I am some ‘sub-culture’ or felonious example of a human because they don’t know a damn thing about canna and why some people medicate with it. I am 52 years old and in better shape than my 25 year old self, exceedingly proficient with AR-variants, I prefer to run toward danger not away from it, I will gladly defend our country anytime they need me to do so, but I’m some sort of scumbag felon or something, no more security clearance for me, no more firearms, nope, I’m no good anymore, I’m a complete waste… or something, or maybe I’m the guy that you want to have a firearm if something bad happens and I’m around, maybe, probably. I love our country and will never ever ever denounce my citizenship but how about a little love and respect from our feds for crying out loud, remember that I was really good at that soldier sh!t and someday you might want/need me again, you probably want to give me an M2 if it gets to that point though, I’m proficient with one of them too but it’s been a really long time. I guess that’s enough complaining for now, now it’s time to get cracking on supper. -- ct

03-25-21: crappy day today, with the realization that my mom will not be returning home from what was supposed to be a short OT/PT rehab visit at a nursing home, her strength has plummeted to the point where she needs professional care for her remaining years/months/days. If i hit it rich i could help her be more comfortable, but we grew up poor and no need to go out with anymore then we had, there are definitely emotional times knowing that i am out of control from providing what i would like to provide, and although our relationship was volatile off and on for years it would be pretty sweet to spoil her for her remaining days, it's my opinion that most people that have good relationships with their parents probably could relate. Then there is reality, and today was a day of reality when traveling to her 'storage' place close to where she was living to clean it out, i love my mama but that woman had a 'as seen on TV' buying problem like nobody's business, i have creams to help with my crepe-skin, and a few different ways to cook food now. Anyhow, i use humor sometimes when im actually feeling crappy, but i love my momma, and will be reading a few books that she has inadvertently turned me onto... if you have crepe-skin use the comment form and i might be able to hook you up. -- ct


03-24-21: another mass casualty shooting in a populated area by another deviant that somehow 'slipped through the cracks' of society, and so goes the gun-ban gun control whatever you want to call it there are a lot of nervous citizens and lawmakers on the political aisle that i mostly identify with that have been, and can actually see the 'writing on the wall'... me personally, i've got enough concerns with other matters thats also effect me on a personal level and writing about gun-control will get my blood pressure up too much right about now, so no comment from me other then we knew this was coming and democrats have been incredibly successful with mass manipulation so maybe the inevitable gun control measures are actually at our doorstep, but i've got other issues that need my attention at the moment. -- ct

03-23-21: i had to run a couple of uncomfortable errands today and even though the weather is perfect which usually helps my spirits I still felt internal anxious symptoms, the elevated heart rate and the breathing thing that happens, doesn't matter, whats done is done and there is medicine for my ailment... and when i get back to 60 beats per second the weather is still supposed to be perfect and i will probably end up with a sunburn of sorts, spring in the air and so are the UV rays, be careful whitey. -- ct

03-21-21 later: today was the perfect day to release an article that called-out some of the shady tactics used by trump-haters to remove him from office, i say it was perfect because the inevitable has happened, and i was smacked in the face with the childish manipulative narrative used by my favorite news outlet in the negative manipulation used against President Biden's administrative policies toward border security... our favorite news outlets do well in raising our blood-pressure with news stories that point to obvious flaws in our opposition, they know how to stir-up the base with sometimes sleazy wording that can get me sometimes, sometimes the very things that I hated about my political opponents slap me upside of my face when used by Fox News, I'll call them out, or the author, or the web editor if i notice a pattern, but no matter, it is inevitable and it's time to get a more realistic approach to how my favorites expose their dysfunction, it's too easy now that they have 'opponents' in office, now that i am paying attention they will show their hands, the left already knows but are too biased to logically inform so i will have to judge my own critical thinking based on facts and not other's opinions because that's sort of an important thing to do in life, not base our lazy thinking with other people's manipulative opinions, everyone's got an opinion about something and most of the time our opinions are not worth the calories used to produce the electrical currents which stimulate our critical thinking functionality, like me when i'm tired and cranky, don't ever ask me my opinion on anything when i'm tired and hungry. -- ct

03-21-21: i'm happy to wrap up the article that i just posted, it included many things that upset me, it was upsetting to write some parts and therapeutic to finish other parts, whatever, it's done, it's online and no longer taking up as much hostile space in my head, maybe i can chill for a part of the day to reflect a bit more... but probably not, it's crazy nice out today in NH USA, it feels like spring again and i have a bunch of outdoor chores to take on, but then again it's sunday so maybe chill time is called for.
03-15-21: so the follow-up to my Patty Mayo blog post from yesterday is that he is an entertaining entrepreneur that does a lot of gags and he is not law enforcement according to some sources, but his 'bounty hunting' videos appear to be legit, and you do not have to be LEO to bring fugitives to jail... so, what i appreciate is that he is pretty good about not letting intimidation freak him out because he understands a bunch of the manipulative tactics used by weak people who try to intimidate rather than initiate, if i have to engage a person who tries to intimidate they show me the degree which i must use to subdue, violence of action is quick and effective means to subdue/dispatch a compromised ego and can be tempered-down or ramped-up depending on intimidation, pretending to be scary and willing to attack tells me that your ego will not allow your compliance so i must break your ego quickly/efficiently to show you that you are not in command of the situation, i am the alpha and you will not stop the inevitable... anyway back to Patty, i think he is a little timid sometimes when a chase is underway, there is a bit of fear displayed in his hesitance to bring matters to a close quickly and safely, he just chooses to be more toward the safe, not the quickly so i can't knock him on that. he isn't afraid to confront, chase, fight, and apprehend compromised egos, adult kids, spoiled manipulative over-sized kids to their full submission, he understands the means necessary to have to correct little children in adult skin/clothes to resolve their obvious dysfunction all while he gives them little life tips that someone should have taught them long ago, he explains to them what they seem to be 'missing' and that they may kick and scream like a child but reality is going to win over manipulative actions/behavior... bounty hunting, who knew, i haven't researched patty much at all but i'd be willing to bet that he would do well in an MMA match for his weight division, he seems to identify opponents weaknesses and knows how to expose them, and isn't very timid to engage, yeah, he'd do well in mma if he would engage faster with more confidence. i shouldn't sound like i'm some great warrior combatant well trained anything, i am not, i just understand certain things about fighting that some other folks don't, thats all, otherwise i can say that i am 5'8 and down to my own 'fighting weight' which is about 165lbs and feel just as great at 50 yrs old as i did as my 25 year old self, mostly because my body was quite beat-up already at the tender age of 21, but also because i am a pretty healthy and fit old guy that speaks with confidence not arrogance when i write about such things, thats all, but i also understand that fighting is not meant to be fun and entertaining and when it is necessary only an alpha will win and must do so efficiently... and also that i would not envy the job of a bounty hunter at all... nope, maybe when i was 40, but not at 50, no sir not this old guy, but good luck to patty in his endeavors, he is clearly an individual who has figured out how to make social media profitable, and he is from Boston, MA baby (i was born/raised in a neighboring town)... he was born after i graduated though, i am one old individual. - ct

03-14-21: some things that i write include mild explanations for deviant egos that some people are familiar with, andrew cuomo and eric swalwell are two obvious examples, their hypocrisy, self-absorption, and dysfunction have been exposed but they will not admit it and do the honorable thing by removing themselves from their current positions of power... power and dysfunction are difficult to let go for the compromised ego. another decent and recent example of how far from reality that a compromised ego can get were after watching the videos of a bail-bondsman taking fugitives into custody... manipulative/deviant childish behavior that refuses to do what they are supposed to do, or comply with an obvious/necessary action end up in exposing and unattractive situations... parents owe it to their children to not just teach about what is right and what is wrong because some kids like me also need to understand the why certain things are right and wrong because maybe it doesn't seem obvious to some people... but go ahead parents, forgo your responsibilities and 'spoil' your non-compliant children, let them roll-around in their dysfunction like a dog in a big pile of poop, let your manipulative loved-ones become their own worse enemy and end up like the knuckleheads that "Patty Mayo" has to deal with on a regular basis... parents, society, someone somewhere didn't take their responsibility to these individuals seriously enough that we have people in society that think they can do what they want whenever they want to whomever they want because their actions and deviant behavior have not been corrected yet... click back on the link (his name is a hyperlink) and watch a couple videos that spoiled non-compliant deviant members of society may find themselves in some day, they need to get 'tazed' and handcuffed to eventually comply after being overpowered and forced into submission... the link will bring you to his youtube page, so take a little time to see what happens to deviant manipulative 'strong-willed' people that never really grow up... i'm going to wait a day to follow-up to this blog entry because there some additional relevant information regarding patty and the work that he does. -- ct

03-12-21 even later: so i read a quick article that suggests that "House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, R-Calif., on Friday said he will offer a resolution to remove Rep. Eric Swalwell, D-Calif., from the House Intelligence Committee "next week." ... this is the link to that article on fox news. All i can say it's about damn time, Americans like to think that we are a sophisticated world-leader but we are pathetically stupid as a nation when we have to settle on a Chinese spy compromised elected representative of congress to have remained on the United States house intel committee and also still be privileged to maintain the highest level of security clearance known to america for several years after he had been compromised ... a hundred years ago he would have been a traitor and hanged but only in a civilized and sophisticated society can we abandon all common sense because of laws/rules and people that won't act to change them.../ only in a sophisticated society like america are people allowed to vote without proving who they are with a picture ID. i love america but only in american can someone with a compromised ego like swalwell can remain as a certified/bonified elected official after letting his inhibitions get the best of him and compromise his very being, but not too many places on earth but America can i write criticisms for the very country that i would gladly die for tomorrow defending, america is beautiful but is down-right nonsensical... but only in america. if i sound a little opinionated and passionate about my criticism of that moron eric you should know and understand that im not just an opinionated jerk myself, i happen to have had the privilege of holding an above normal security clearance for an enlisted person in the army with such a low military rank, and upon receiving that security clearance the 'person' that gave me my final briefing about the new reality that simply by having my new clearance it is a known fact that hostile governments will soon learn who i am and what i'm about and will make attempts to 'compromise' my if they think i am a valuable enough target... swallwell was compromised even after he had the same type of warning, by a spy from a hostile nation... so mrs pelosi and joseph biden, why is swalwell still holding a security clearance even after proving that he is incapable of taking his responsibility seriously, even after he let his guard down for his own selfish ambitions and reported sex-drive, even after he was compromised ... c'mon maaaaan! -- ct

03-12-21 later:

I kind of don’t want to post this but I will anyway, because right now I’m your huckleberry… please take this short scientifical survey/test to see if you are an @sshole, there is actually a scientific equation to figure that out…

Please answer the following questions truthfully:

A: Within the past 2 weeks please list how many times you have laughed at other people, or their mistakes/misfortunes:

B: Within the past 2 weeks please list how many times you have laughed about your own deficiencies/yourself:

Mathematical key:

If the answer to B is ZERO and the answer to A is greater than B then you are most definitely an a$$hole and require a good shake-up to become a decent member of society, in fact the larger your number is for A the more help you require, you are about a stinking hot mess my friend and it’s time to get real with yourself and your shitty-ass ego

If the answer to B is greater than ZERO and answer to A is pretty close to your answer for B you might be in pretty good shape, you might view other people as your equal and understand that no one is perfect so you poses the ability to not only laugh at your own mistakes but identify similar behavior in others as well, you probably are not a royal A-hole

If your answer to A is ZERO but answer to B is greater than A you are probably in pretty good shape and I wish I were more like you

If your answer to both A and B are ZERO you are one of the low percentage of the population that actually has no possession of a sense of humor, lighten-up a little would-ya

… my bad, I said it was a scientifical equation but it wasn’t, it was just me being me with a little time on my hands, try not to be a butt-hole even if you clearly are one, you look like a jerk and are making others around you just as miserable as you are, so seek a little help already. -- ct

03-13-21: after a couple of rough nights my sleeping seems to be back on track... AWESOME ... over a month without any sleeping meds and just a couple of bad nights between then and now, so far so good. having a terrible nights sleep used to be daily life/routine for me going back almost 20 years ago now and its an exceedingly unhealthy lifestyle, i wish i had taken it more seriously when it first began to happen and addressed it when i should have rather than stumble my way through the 20 years where some people would have considered my prime years for earning income, instead i made many compromises to my values out of fear of loosing jobs which i didn't really like anyway. i had periods of 'greatness' during those 20 years of employment, but mostly just tried to survive them--not thrive in them--but there are many things in life that i have had to learn the hard way, i call that 'dysfunction'... the less young people are prepared for life beyond the walls of the home environment that they were 'raised' in the more dysfunction they carry with them and into life on their own... dysfunction doesn't mean that someone is an untamed animal, it means that there were certain things that young people should know and understand about life and the various people that we will meet and work along side... there are many things besides the fact that you need to eat, sleep and drink that young people need to know to not just survive but thrive in what appears to be a complicated world to many people, ive written a little bit about some of those things and will put together a book style download for parents, or dysfunctional young adults that need a bit more focus on whats going on around them, and less on themselves (ill actually use proper grammar and everything;-)... but my point is that some people may be considered 'well adjusted' to their environment but still lacking some important understanding that will probably make their life easier and more fulfilling, like getting more than a few hours of sleep every night if i expect to have full functioning motor-skills the following day, thats a dysfunction that this 50 yr old has learned the hard way... ignoring problems and expecting that they will go away by themselves is not a smart idea because busy people that like to keep themselves busy in a world where sugar and caffeine own the working class may choose the path that i had, the path that says rub dirt on it Mary and get back in the game... good luck with that running on a couple hours of sleep. -- ct

03-12-21: beautiful weather today in MA/NH USA, i comfortably wore a short-sleeve shirt and no socks boat shoes, so i can begin to feel spring. I've received many comments on most articles and so far all were favorable, so i received my first criticism recently and i love it, and i really mean it, i try to be as authentic and genuine and i also know that i am not perfect and so are a bunch of things that i think/thought but are just plain wrong, so thats what i mean when i say that i appreciate criticism more than a 'thumbs-up', it gives me an opportunity to view something from another perspective and see where i might need to change... that is, after i see past manipulation/misunderstanding, or just poorly communicated initial feedback... those are a few things that i take into consideration prior to understanding where i may need correction, but i am open to correction where i am just plain wrong/ignorant. but then positive comments are special too, when the comment includes why the person agrees with one of my objectives and owns it now, a good feedback came from a cannabis 'user' which is actually a terrible label, but when i say that they are a cannabis user i say that they use cannabis off and on and to varying degrees and understands that they use it more during particularly stressful periods of time but didn't quite ponder the 'why' of their self-medication or even that they are/were actually self-medicating at all, to me on of the objectives of this last article was for people that 'regularly use' cannabis to help figure out why they use it and own it because once you can 'own-it' you can begin to address the 'root cause' for why you use it and not feel ashamed or exposed or whatever because you now own it and you are responsible to know why you do what you do and have less anxiety about labeling yourself as a recreational or adult or a non classified medical patient, you use it medically but maybe not as often as the medical 'users' really NEED it for... so i appreciated today's positive feedback because it included why it was positive and that was in direct part of a primary objective, so cool, i appreciate your appreciation bro. i should also mention that because of what some people simply term as 'naturally occurring stress reliever' in canna is how most people that do not have underlying medical conditions actually benefit the most, most people do not have a need for cannabis period, millions of people have lived and died without ever have ingested those plants, and then there are other people that also have completely healthy and fruitful lives but life gets a bit overwhelming from time to time and they could benefit from a period stress reliever, there are other people that have specific types of cancer that cannabis has extremely positive results in healing, there are other people whose neoplasm therapy includes molecules that are exceedingly harmful to humans and the side effects from their chemo-therapy are greatly reduced by introducing cannabis to their existing therapeutic regime, there are people with medical conditions that experience multiple seizures every day who find therapeutic benefit from canna... there are also many hurting people that may never know why they use it, only that it helps in some ways but remain secretive in their use and probably dont want to talk to anyone about whether or not they are actually self-medicating to begin, and its none of your damn business why they do what they do anyways to shut the F*** UP! ok, i get you too... use the 'comment' form if you want to reach out, maybe even get real with yourself. but it's freeing to know why you do what you do, its freeing to know why you use it and to be responsible for understanding if you could benefit from an occasional stress reliever or are a heavy user or someone who requires the medicine, just know why you do what you do and own it from that point on. -- ct

03-11-21: crappy with a capital c type of sleep last night, i havent taken sleeping medicine for about a month and have been doing pretty well, until last night... it wasn't a typically abnormal or stressful day, i just got crazy tired around 7:pm and never rebounded so i closed my eyes with 10 mg of melatonin gummies around 9:30 at was awake at 12:30 and couldn't fall back asleep, so after just closing my eyes and trying to keep relaxed for an hour or two i decided to make myself useful until i got tired again around 4:30am and dozed back asleep probably around 5:ish and then alarm went off at 6:am, thats usually what a typical crappy night sleep is to me, wake up for any number of reasons and not falling back asleep until my 'wake up' alarm goes off and then have to function as both a functioning employee and a respectable member of society... some days i couldn't manage to do either of those very well but did my typical 'rub dirt on it and drive on' philosophy. Thats not a terrible or uncommon thing to happen to most people but when that happens in clusters of everyday for weeks at a time and i tried to self-medicate with wine it becomes a recipe for disaster, i become my own worse enemy... then it feels worse when i cut over to v.a. dr's prescribed medicines to help with insomnia and they actually made things worse in retro-spec but im sure they did their best, at least i know their hearts were in the right place but when patients have to go through more than 5 or 6 different medicines that were either ineffective or were effective but left me at varying degrees of 'fogginess' for part of the morning or most of the day... but the doctors gave me what i wanted, i didn't want to know what the real problem with my insomnia was but instead i preferred to take a pill and get along with my busy and over-complicated, i preferred to just rub dirt on it and hobble my limp-ass way through my routine/life... i got what i wanted and paid a long and heavy price for assuming that i was handling my problems correctly... the insomnia is multi-faceted and not a current research topic so i'm not going much more into than that tonigh... but fortunately its almost 21:30 and im just now getting tired so i don't think i'll have the same problem tonight, but i'm still gonna take a couple of those delicious melatonin gummies for good measure. -- ct
03-10-21: So far most of the criticisms over my articles have been misunderstandings that could have been clarified by a little bit more reading, so good. Another criticism is based on an opinion that i should use this website/platform to promote another important thing that is also a big part of my life, good, consider it considered. Some of my own criticisms are that i do not include full disclosure of the resources used to base my opinion, my theory, or whose other theories and which research/science used to back up some of the articles that i write... i'm not a professional anything so i can get away with being lazy enough to write without those things at the moment, but as more anxiety and misunderstandings work their way out of my mind i will begin to include more of those important things, but i don't get paid for it so don't expect much for now... i don't get paid so i do not have any deadlines to meet, which is why i write when i think i'm ready to, not as a disciplined and timely profession. writing a blog for my own therapeutic sake, and to continue parenting to my children are the primary reasons for writing, but i also include other topics that have been bothering me... if something is bothering me and i don't understand it enough that it is still bothering me it becomes therapeutic to research and write about my frustrations and misunderstandings, it becomes another therapeutic reaction to anxiety, so back to anxiety again, oh boy. -- ct

03-06-21: I forgot to hit 'enter' after my last post a few days ago so i lost it, whatever i wrote wasn't really beneficial to anyone but me probably, so no big deal, but i'll use this opportunity to fill in the space that should be populated below with a previous post from february, if you get through the whole post click on the 'suggested reading' link to read an article that i got in an email today, march is 'Woman's History Month' in the usa which is why i received that article...
... 02-20-21: im working on two short articles, or long articles based on readers perspective but one is difficult because it involves self-analysis of psychiatric/psychological manipulation and im just getting healthy enough to have straightened out some significant misunderstandings that i've have about life, and how i fit in it, and whats my role in life, and how my own compromised ego and false sense of what's important in life 'priorities', well how those things had been causing some misunderstandings in my own life and when certain misunderstandings remain misunderstandings for too long… well the result of my misunderstandings resulted in physical and emotional and straight-up ‘down to my soul' problems that remained unresolved for entirely too long... but the most fortunate thing that happened to me/my life since my last child was born had occurred at the end of the year 2020, the most fortunate thing that’s happened to my life in the past 15 years happened after 10 months of unemployment, 10 months of a highly emotional year which included constant television coverage of severely vandalized cities, leaders who refused to put a stop to the vandalism, people that were hell-bent determined to replace Donald trump with a more socialist replacement, and an infectious virus that killed over a million vulnerable people worldwide, and many americans that may not have realized that there is still unfortunate amounts of dark-skinned folks being mistreated by light-skinned folks in various ways that… many people don’t understand, some people may have noticed, and other people who still experience in painful variations almost daily … the fortunate thing that happened to me after constant watching television and more specifically news television for those painful 10 months happened when I realized that I was anxious about things that I had no control over and I had also run out of and chose not to refill two prescriptions that were to 1 help me sleep, and 2 help various other symptoms grouped under a blanket label of anxiety… people that are taking prescriptions for those types of things should never just stop taking them because that can really screw up your body and mind to the point that it becomes more problematic than the symptoms that you are taking those medicines for in the first place.  But for me attempting to end the use of those two medicines seemed logical, because one of the things that got me most ‘anxious’ and I put the word anxious in quotations because in my case the symptoms of anxiety was more or less getting upset to the point where my blood-pressure would get elevated for an unpredictable period of time and the mental anguish that I felt over not being able to control my situation and understanding/anticipating many of the inconveniences that being stuck in slow-moving or no-moving large roadways near overcrowded areas, some americans simply call the problem ‘rush hour traffic’… once upon a time in American history traffic was painful but almost predictable for an hour or so depending on which ‘city’ you were trying to drive in and out of to conduct your days-worth of employment, you have too many people trying to fit into too small of an area all around the same time and you end-up with an hour-glass type of obstruction, a bottle-neck, traffic congestion… call it what you want to it sucks when its something that you force yourself to endure or happen to run into its still terrible traffic… I am noooo good when I subject myself to bad traffic and especially if its on a regular basis… so given the fact that I was unemployed and no longer wasted several hours of my life in unnecessary traffic I thought that maybe I could get away with dropping the medicine for ‘anxiety’ related day-time symptoms and see whether or not it was a mistake (so far so good), and when I realized that the second prescription, the medicine that I was taking for ‘sleep’ was effective for certain psychiatric conditions and happened to make people quite sleepy, but not an appropriate medicine for use in long-term sleeping problems in people that may not have certain psychiatric conditions… I remember that when the v.a. appointed psychiatrist that prescribed the sleep medicine to me mentioning that since most commonly used sleeping remedies didn’t help me, and since there was maternal history of certain psychiatric conditions in my family the doctors thinking was to utilize this different medicine and that it was overall an established and safe drug for long-term use so lets give it a try, and it worked well for awhile but it didn’t work well to solve the actual problem of why I ‘couldn’t turn my thoughts and mind off when I should be sleeping)… but it was what I wanted though at the time, I just wanted to take a pill and get on with my busy anxious life, I did not want to get to the root causes of why I couldn’t sleep… so when I stopped taking that medicine and had realized how cloudy it had made me throughout the day it was another part of why 2020 was a great year for me… it ends up that the nice doctor that had prescribed those two medicines to me had left the va healthcare system and when I had called over a year or so later to get new prescriptions for those medicines a new nice person nicely explained to me why she didn’t want me to keep taking the sleeping medicine, and to go back and try one of the other one’s that wasn’t so effective for me in the past… so I did, and it still sucked, but… but I sleep much better lately, I haven’t had to resort to the ineffective medicine for a couple of weeks now, so again, so far so good… it wouldn’t be wise if I had mentioned that I have eliminated two prescribed medications for what are technically psychiatric reasons without mentioning another important thing… all while withdrawing from those medications I have supplemented with cannabis-sativa, as the FDA calls it… some people call it medical marijuana but the Latin name is cannabis-sativa but I just call it cannabis, if you don’t know much about that subject I can explain that there is no actual thing distributed in America from the regular places that you can purchase it from, there is no such thing because ‘medical’ cannabis is the same thing as ‘recreational’ cannabis because they both typically come from the same growers and are both tested through the same laboratories and that reason is because there is medicine in cannabis no matter what reason people think they are in ‘taking’ it for… unfortunately for people that actually benefit from the medicine that naturally occurs in those naturally growing plants many governments world-wide had adopted the same classification of ‘drug’ that’s contained in those plants (that its bad, really really bad) and had adopted laws which prohibited further medical use/research of cannabis, and that was bad, really really bad… because instead of trying to understand/researching the actual medicine that is found in those plants these bad laws forced farmers and profiteers of those plants to seek alternative means of income and so became a ‘black-market’… fortunately too many years later smarter/cooler-heads are prevailing and smart people are thoroughly researching what the actual medicine is doing to the people that could use it, they know about some diseases and other psychological conditions that it is very helpful for but they still lack funding for research mostly due to existing and preventative laws as well as the ignorant and pre-conceived opinions that most people have about the plant, the people who provide the plant, and the unknown reasons of the people who ingest the medicinal compounds found in ‘these plants’… I say ‘these plants’ because there are many naturally occurring varieties/strains of cannabis found throughout the world, and each of those strains have their own unique medicinal qualities, they have their own DNA, it might be a difficult and lengthy process to break-down the dna, compounds and molecules that make up each of those naturally occurring plants but it would probably be quite helpful for smart people to understand why the medicine in those various strains can help different people with various ailments, but some smart people will do it, they will make sure that they have a better understanding, or can ‘scientifically prove’ how those various naturally occurring chemicals help fight some diseases as well as suppress overwhelming psychological symptoms, but… but since many people world-wide still understood that there is medicine in cannabis and world-leaders that wouldn’t spend the time and money involved in further understanding the plants medicine we have a resulted ‘black-market’, and some smart people in that black-market began ‘cross-pollination’ of various strains, and then other enterprising people began cross-pollinating various strains and newly-created cross-strains or some people refer to them as ‘hybrids’, and now instead of a hundred or so naturally occurring varieties there thousands if not 10’s of thousands of manipulated strain hybrids that are sold/purchased world-wide everyday with little scientific research backing up what is good about the medicine, what is bad about the medicine, who can benefit from the medicine and who won’t benefit from it, which strains contain the compounds that will be most helpful for certain conditions and which strains certain people should avoid at all costs… at least the folks that are smart about horticulture understand how to safely grow it, how to safely dry it and how to safely preserve it for as long as safely possible, so people that benefit from cannabis’ medicine can safely purchase safe cannabis free of pesticides, herbicides, inappropriate fertilizers, free of mold and other harmful things that nature and poor farming can leave behind… in other words when people who can benefit from some of the medicinal qualities from cannabis can purchase safely grown and preserved canna they don’t have to purchase poorly grown, possibly chemical compromised products of unknown strain/origin that may not have been harvested at the appropriate time which can render many negative ‘side-effects’ of cannabis, and haven’t been inadequately dried which can leave mold/mildew and other negative natural reactions to formally beneficial compounds, and haven’t been transported in unsafe temperatures, or haven’t been transported in the sweaty underside of someone’s breasts, or down the ill-hygiened crotch of someone else… I guess im trying to say that I have a better understanding of why a particular family of strains of cannabis when properly grown and cured and consumed at the smallest beneficial quantities without pushing into euphoric state is helpful for some of the symptoms that I was taking professionally prescribed molecules/drugs for… One other unfortunate side effect of disallowing medical research for cannabis is that the people that could benefit the most from what the plant has to offer has to approach finding the best strain for their disease or other affliction is that there is a ‘try and see what’s best for you’ approach to finding the best cannabis variant for individual needs, smart people can give you an extremely vague industry-standard guess at whether an indica-based strain is more helpful for your needs or whether a sativa-based strain is typically more helpful to treat your condition or disease or which current hybridized sativa/indica strain is achieving better results for one thing or another but without scientific research and appropriately written laws I can tell you about as much as the professional that is selling me the product… that sounds a bit like a gamble, a crap-shoot of a process to see if the medicine helps your medical requirements but not so much for the parents of a child that suffers debilitating and life-threatening seizures, they are not overly concerned about what of the many strains of cannabis will be the perfect one that brings normalcy to their child after so many man-made molecules/drugs have made symptoms a little better or maybe even worse… those parents are just elated that the product that the professional has provided to them is helping their child where traditional pharmacology has failed… it’s too bad there hasn’t been enough scientific/medical research to know exactly why cannabis is a great anti-seizure medicine for some horrific medical conditions, if there where perhaps we could go a little further to figure out which strain or hybridized strains are most beneficial to someone who requires anti-seizure medicine… But similar to the use of traditional pharmaceutical practices there doesn’t seem to be medical professionals that take a blood sample that will give them the information to prescribe the perfect and available drug, instead some medical professionals will prescribe a medicine or an array of medicines that will most likely help with your condition, they start with the one that is most likely to help and after a trial and error process of they may stumble on the best one that eventually fixes you or eases your overwhelming symptoms… the first drug made me sleepy, the second one made me sleeping and sick, the next one made me … I have experienced an interesting experiment of medical professionals doing their best to help ease the worse symptoms of anxiety and occasional depression, they did their best and at times had prescribed medications that helped me significantly for unpredictable periods of time, and when side-effects of those medicines become menacing enough there is usually another medicine to try that could potentially help, but then again it might not, and just like there is no dna test to make sure that you are taking the medicine that will perfectly fix your problem there is less of a chance of a dna test that would let someone know if a certain strain is the perfect one for them… So you can understand why medicine can be unpredictable in a sense and that is a problem, and why classifying cannabis as unknown and dangerous thing is also a problem, a problem which hasn’t been resolved, in fact it’s a huge problem because the usa federal government still won’t admit that it was wrong in its false cannabis ‘classification’ as a drug which has no medicinal value and is considered too dangerous for use… fortunately there is more than one country in the world, and some of those countries are allowing research on cannabis… but the huge problem is actually a personal problem for me… I am in a very low tax-bracket and have been relying on the usa Veterans Administration Healthcare system as my medical doctors and insurance and since the federal government still refuses to admit it’s mistake and take corrective action I am legally not allowed to ingest any form of cannabis-sativa… and the other problem is that I am what many people consider a ‘patriot’, I am a person that loves our country and hates injustice enough to fight to the death to preserve the freedoms that I am allowed however I have an opinion that although I have our country’s best interest in my mind they do not have my best interest in mind because they still purposely won’t acknowledge the beneficial medicine that is found in a naturally occurring plant, and in that arrogant and ignorant decision to dismiss the value of cannabis my country’s leaders are deliberately and arrogantly and ignorantly depriving me of the most effective medicine that I have taken for symptoms related to ptsd that was ‘caused’ by trauma while working for them… here is a life-hint for you, if your physician’s opinion is that cannabis is a dangerous ‘substance’ and not worth further exploration they do not have your best interest in mind, they have a compromised ego and are unwilling to consider that they might be wrong, they are compromised because they are letting their opinion/assumptions based on very old and barely scientific research that they read about and are also influenced by very opinionated people with no true scientific data to back-up their ignorant opinions, and they let that get in the way of being able to put their patient’s best interest in mind… anyway, I don’t think I will require cannabis forever, because just as life-events/circumstances can become over-whelming enough to cause physical symptoms such as anxiety I have begun to understand the reality that I am no longer in some of those over-whelming circumstances, I have a healthier perspective about a bunch of things that used to shake me to the bone and so I probably will not require as much medication as I once did, and eventually, probably, maybe, hopefully  won’t need any, unless I get one of the diseases that cannabis also helps quite a bit with… until then call me what you want, label me as you like to label people that ingest cannabis on a regular basis, and when science proves what millions of people have had an obvious yet vague understanding for thousands of years, which is that cannabis contains naturally occurring medicine, and when science eventually proves that will your negative opinion of cannabis and people who benefit from it change then… probably not but hopefully so... Suggested Reading. -- ct

03-01-21: Im unexpectedly home today, was supposed to go sit for the remote-learning friends of mine but plans changed and prayers for their family, seems like they would appreciate prayers right about now. Being home today means that i am 'house-dad', plenty of chores in my forecast for today... But best unexpected surprise for me is that i get to watch some of the keynotes from CPAC 2021 that i have missed, i caught some on Sat, a little from yesterday, but thanks to modern tech i get to watch some of the folks that i wanted to hear... so my day will include some enjoyment... i wrote this on facebrook yesterday, I'll write some more later maybe, i think i have the time and clarity to finish at least one more article:
... excited to watch some more of CPAC today, yesterday i had the time to catch SD Gov. Kristi Noem, I appreciate her character and leadership perspectives. Former U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo was introduced by his son who appears to be wise beyond his years and a great communicator, and listening to his dad speak reminds me of what it means to be conservative and how that carries out on a world stage, it reminds me of why i voted for donald trump in two presidential elections despite his huge ego... anyway, looking forward to listening to some remarkable people today. -- ct