...if folks are curious enough about this website or about me as a person they might end up poking around and ending up here, reading some blog entries/posts, blog posts are where i write about most of the real things that are important to me, and about other things to, sometimes things that bother me for some reason, and i also write about other silly ego revealing things that nobody needs to waste their time reading... but mostly its where i write about things that i think are important somehow, i'm not a professional anything, so there will be ignorance written below, but i trust that the reader can discern the baby from the bathwater, i do hope to stimulate your noggin enough to do some of your own research using your own critical-reasoning... i write for my own health, and to my offspring/kids, and to anyone else that cares to read. --  ct

03-31-22:  Chappy speaks my language, he's the guy you'd want to be a part of your security team, if not leading it... repetition builds the foundation to be able to react efficiently with the tool of choice... being healthy and strong and agile with strong and fast and sharp cognitive functioning with a situational awareness and presence is most of the rest, i think... maybe he does, or doesn't have his ratio/percentile precise, but i get what he is saying, loud and clear... when i do have the time and purpose to shoot i have to shoot with purpose, and much of that purpose is to make sure that muscle-memory still meets the targets...  you get comfortable/confident with consistently/repeatedly hitting targets, and then the rest of effective 'fighting' has more to do with situational awareness, and processor speed (reaction time)... anyways, i'm not a smart or highly trained operator, so don't take my words for it, see if the link to Chappy's instructional brief speaks to you... if you like that video, then maybe you like this one too.  --  ct

03-31-22 later:  OK, it's getting to be a real pain in me arse to keep updating the blog and keeping it in synch with my word document... i like redundancy, and so keeping HHD, as well as blog, as well as cloud, as well as portable storage, well, those are some variables that i consider when storing and 'publishing' written content... so anyways, i said all of that to simply state that i'm having a hard time keeping a decent synchronization between variations of this little book... i want redundancy/back-up of written content, but it comes with a royal pain in me arse... thanks... i'm done complaining  --  ct

03-30-22:  good test of the faith, and creativity, and morals... internet/communication bill is past due enough that it was disconnected, behind on other bills too, got one car that is unexpectedly on it's way to pasture and zero funds to replace it, a half way decent car is 2500.00 but that's not even an option, maybe ten-times less that amount is feasible right now... good test of sorts that we are experiencing, we don't own much to liquidate, i've done that several times over the past five or six years now... will be praying for guidance/creativity today, i could pray for a financial 'miracle', but that doesn't seem to help very much either... still praying to relocate to a quieter part of the country where we can live more sensible/sustainable lifestyle, we can't seem to figure out how to do that where we live in the northeast you just have to earn/have lots of income, period, otherwise you are on public assistance... attaining a land/space to have a home where you can raise and grow a good amount of the food that we consume is more to do with 'sustainability' than new power sources to power over-consuming cities... i think i've learned/realized several mistakes that we've made over the years... how to overcome the results of those mistakes is the order of the day... one of the many things that i've learned over the years is that staying in a heavily populated area near cities and coastlines is not good for my health or sensible sustainability, we should have moved years ago... i'm really hoping that i can get enough income from a couple of books to help overcome some current hurdles... it's hard being an 'artist' sometimes, especially when taking it from a hobby to a paying job... praying for guidance and creativity and maybe even a miracle today, i invite the reader to do the same.  --  ct

03-28-22:  i suppose it's technically 3-28 already, so i have to put this post under the correct date, but it's really like about zero-dark-thirty or so on the 27th, really... it's 01:50, i ought to be asleep, and will try to get there again in just a few minutes, but now i'm awake, i poked my head outside and it's beyond freezing and we have some spring snow coming down, not much snow to speak of, but it's cold enough to let you know that i'm at a low altitude, but a high latitude, and it's still very early spring, and it still gets weathery outside this time of year... so dear diary entry for tonight/today is that the aroma therapy sleep oil combination hasn't helped a dang lick, tonight was the first try with it and i'm about as awake as awake can be at one-fifty in the morning... someone else suggested trying an indica moments before bed, so that's also what i just tried just now which is why i had my head outside of the door while it's snowing out at 1:50 am... maybe it works as a stand-alone, or maybe it will work in conjunction with the nice smelly essential oils that are supposed to make me sleepy or relaxed... or maybe neither is helpful, or maybe finding the perfect smelly oils or the perfect canna-strain is worth exploring... but right now i'm gonna go giving sleep another try, the late afternoon lazy nap that i took probably didn't help my cause for a good night's sleep, but right now i don't care, i'm gonna give sleep another try, but my alarm sounds-off in three hours, so i'm not sure how functional i'll be today... maybe i should just keep using the RX from the VA instead of trying natural remedies, i'd rather not utilize laboratory-made compounds if i can help it... i'm sure that i'll reach my goal soon enough, but seeing another 01:58 wasn't one of them, it's not what i was aiming for at all.  --  ct

03-28-22 later:  the long anticipated sleep didn't come until a bit after 04:30, i was able to be a little productive while i tossed and turned, i figured-out how to modify and structure the short book that i want to finish soon... creativity seems to settle-in a bit during those semi-conscious hours of insomnia, i couldn't sleep, but i was able to remember the creative problems that i solved as i tried to find new and more comfortable positions to rest in... the big difference with the old VA Rx that they gave me to sleep was that i couldn't remember anything after i got up in the morning... the ambien doesn't do that quite as bad, but i still don't want to take it, i want more ala-natural... sleep 'hygiene', who knew there was such a thing... anyways, hope to finish one section/chapter today, the writing is all there, and has been for months, but now i make some edits and refine the topic to emphasize priorities.  --  ct

03-26-22: happy march 26th day... i hope you enjoy yours... i'm sure that march 26 is an important day for many people somewhere's, i are just not one of them... but you could make the case that maybe every one out-of every 365 people think that today is extra special, and then so does those people's parents, and significant others, and maybe offspring too... it's not to say that the human-race is born equally consistent and even on a daily basis, there are heavier populations born approximately nine-months after holidays and traditional days of celebration, etc... don't ask me where valentine's day fits into this category, i think that day was created and exploited my chocolate manufacturers, and then later exploited by birth-control manufacturers, pajama-makers, teddy-bear makers, and then... well, you get the picture... so hey man, happy march 26th to you... this day is big man, maybe even huge for some folks... i could just as easy search for this day in history to see what significant things happened/coincided on/with this date, but i'm still waking-up this morning and don't want to exercise the noggin too much already, i'm only about half way through the first mug of coffee for crying-out loud... i'm not sure which important/significant or regular things i'll be doing/performing, or who/where i'll be doing them with, but more than likely i'll be hanging around the house with any family members that will be here, and more than likely i'll be writing off-and-on throughout the day, mostly reworking the writing project that i want to finish up, and probably a phone-call or two, and a few texts here and there, and i might even go back on news or social websites/platforms to check in with the world, but i'm enjoying my digital detox (or sorts), so i'll probably just use the laptop to write and to research topics that i want to include in the book, and maybe to help a friend with his new website for a bit... just as life with free-will is a gift, by default, so is our time experiencing/navigating and living it all, so make good use of today and enjoy it for all that it's worth, even if recovering from exhaustion is the most productive way to use your time, energy, and free-will... God bless you, the important and special and respected reader... right now i think my creativity is about awake enough to jump back into writing, and when i'm pecking-away at the keyboard i'll be thinking of the people that will be born today, and thinking of their parents, and i'll be thinking of God the giver/creator of the gifts of free-will and life... and i'll also be thinking of Mazlow's observations, and how to incorporate them into an allegory, a 'fictional' story that offers some decent insight and reminders for new parents and ought to have enough emotional triggers to be enjoyable, and creative enough to help reinforce the main points of the story... and if none of that makes any sense, well just wait a bit longer, and you'll see what i mean... enjoy your day. -- ct

03-24-22:  so i'm reading a bunch of various philosophies and theories regarding how to be nice and what is morally/ethically/obviously right from wrong... and 'how can we all just get along', and what is a definition of 'respect and mutual-respect'... you know those types of thoughts/topics/things, things like 'world peace' and that sort of admirable shit... and it get's me thinking a bit about continents/land-masses and geographies with points-and-lines, and the things that naturally separate us... obstacles are a bit like boundaries/puzzles/barriers and other obvious definitions... once mankind figured-out how to travel from landmass to other landmasses where we would encounter other humans with other languages and customs and traditions and routines and philosophies and observations and experiences and rules and ethics and concepts about creation and our creator we were going to look to begin to look at life a bit differently, the second that man traversed oceans it was a whole new ballgame/event/life... somehow or another... OK, so i lost a bunch of this post apparently, i took the day offline and began working on a story again... and i log back i to make a quick blog entry, and i see where the topic ended... and i'm not going to try to finish the thought tonight, my focus has been on family and writing the book today, my mind doesn't want to get back into the topic of tribal integration and set boundaries right this second, i'll finish the topic tomorrow when i have my B-game or better, right now i'm lucky to still have a Zzz-game [humor]  --  ct

03-22-22: yeah man... it's official... i decided to be less of a so-called activist, at least for the time-being, if you are going to understand the theory of any government and it's 'citizens' then i suppose it's good to know how policies and influenced, and who the influencers are, and who they are networked with, and some of the tools and tactics used to influence policies, and even who/which government officials will govern (it's pretty fvcking ugly really, some folks go to nasty lows depending if they have an ounce of morality or not)... but now that i think i have a crude but adequite understanding of much of the reasoning and tactics/methodology, the tools used, and how many of the tools/resources are used... understanding theory is helpful, understanding poor/non-calculating and the un-sustainability in other theories is also helpful, but any chance of understanding/configuring faulty theories to equate to reality requires more effort than simple reactions to faulty actions... and i think that's partly why i've been attracted to the concept of 'metareligion' since i got reconnected to God recently, it's more or less pulling in pretty respectable and seemingly influential enough world religions to establish commonality, and to try to flush-out some of the more nastier and illogical aspects of many of them, and maybe even learning other helpful things to know about other foreign/peculiar/different customs and theories, it's something like that... i'm not a professional religious person, so pardon my crude/ignorant description of 'religion', but i think they are rituals/customs/actions and collections of texts/stories/manuscripts and traditions from various people from certain generations that might be telling the story/reality of God -- with God being the Ultimate Reality -- so that humans will understand pretty reasonable and sustainable and enjoyable and fruitful existence, sort of... so i think some of my time should be focused less on social, political, government activism/criticism and reacting to that sort of shit with an equal and opposite reaction through the tone of my communication and writing style... so i'm taking the principle of common-good, and mutual-help and going to focus on a writing project that's been on hold for a bit, i think i'm more focused on that project right now... in some respects my preferred 'religion' (Christianity) requires folks to be activists when necessary, i don't like being an asshole, but i'm happy to show you how assholes act and behave if that's what is required... it's also been good to learn how to write/communicate better... so maybe that season is over for me for a bit, who knows, i'll probably go back into attack-mode once the political season heats-up and assholes reminds us of how much of an asshole one can possibly be, many folks are beyond assholes, many are blood-sucking mosquitoes and host-devouring parasites, but you probably already know that... anyways, i'm going to re-focus on the first book that i wanted to get done last year, instead of a bunch of other projects and hobbies that i've been juggling... my writing has been too eclectic and ADDish, i'll probably try to knock this book out before i jump on the others, maybe one-at-a-time is good, but that's not how my brain really works, focus and concentration and discerning distractions from proper-priority has always been the challenge for me... anyways, a bunch of what i just wrote about is based on my crude understanding of some of Chris Langan's posts/papers/essays and books, that guy is a character based on much of his life experiences, he seems to be a really smart guy in many respects, but also lived and worked in environments that most of us only read about... how do you learn to navigate, and effectively communicate to bar room patrons that want to misbehave and cause some trouble to that environment and it's inhabitants?... well intelligent people learn to adapt to the reality (not theory) of their environment, and he happens to be an intelligent man that worked as a bar room bouncer for many years at many establishments, so that Langan fella has an interesting and creative way of communicating his perspectives of reality, maybe even the 'Ultimate Reality', he's pretty creative and a bit humorous and can be incredibly detailed and technical too, at least based on what i've read, and the few interviews that i watched... and in case you are wondering, my writing project isn't overly 'religious' either, it's practical and creative, an does include my interpretation of what a 'conversation' might be like between God and a baby at the end, so that part is a bit religiousy i suppose, but it's not what you might think, really, if you actually read it, i don't promote any god or religion, just the simple fact that there really is a Personal God that wants to know how we feel as we observe/participate in life, the Christianity part is completely absent from my story, it only makes reference to what 'conversations' with people and God might be like... i'm a complete rookie/novice when it comes to writing/publishing, but i still think it will be pretty good. -- ct

03-21-22:  so i'm working on a writing project, and i've got a conversation going on between God and a baby, and part of the conversation/prayer goes something like--but keep in mind that it'll probably get changed a bit in a first-edit... 'we will have many more conversations over the next thirty-seven years, four months, nineteen days, four hours, twenty-eight minutes and four seconds... we will have many conversations during that time, you won't remember everything that we talked about during all of those conversations, and you won't even remember that we had many of those conversations, and you won't always remember that i am always here for more conversation, but we will have many more conversations... and then we will have many more... but right now it's important for you to shift your attention to the nurse that's coming to get you' ... i think that's sort of the language and direction that i wanted to use for that part of the conversation, i need to shift more attention to that project, i'm not a disciplined/trained writer, it's all a bit new to me, in most respects, and the book grew more than expected.  --  ct

03-21-22 later:  the post on activism is going to be more creative than thorough/exhaustive, i'm probably going to bust that out in the next couple-two-three days... i suppose that you could call my social-media posts political or social activism, and so i have to write a bit about activism now... i don't really care for activism, but in many respects it's just advocating for something that we think requires change, but activism is a way of life/professional for many folks and opportunists... in my case it's because i don't like what i see in many organizations/networks, and i don't really like how far most people are from applying the golden-rule as well as the first most important commandment, and so i seem to be a middle-aged unlikely activist in some respects... i'll write something about activism in a few days probably, it ought to be decent, but maybe not.  --  ct

03-20-22: i hope to spend some time revisiting project 1 today, it's just a small book that i think some folks will appreciate... i've been tempted to jump into the deep end with a novel that i think would sell well to earn a bit of well-needed income, but i think that project 1 is something that is better for humanity as a whole, and so that's the one that i'll probably finish/publish first... i also want to get the taxes done, this year is more difficult than last year because this blog is actually a small/legal business, and so the taxes are a bit different this year than last... and then there is also family interaction that i appreciate and is very important for today too... today looks to be full, but not rushed, i like that... not sure how much of which chores and desires will be accomplished today, but i have enough going to keep me comfortably busy/productive... i don't think i'll take part in any sort of activism-type of writing today, i think the first book is where i'll direct my attention, it's probably better for humanity as a whole... here's one thing for the reader to chew-on/consider, one to two years ago i weened-off of three prescriptions that were no longer helping me, and i transitioned off of those professional Rxs utilizing cannabis, i've learned which certain 'strains' to stay away from, and have found certain types of strains with different cannabinoid types, ratios, and levels are helpful for me to stay more grounded and less worked-up without becoming overly impaired and still pretty clear-minded... a chunk of my problem is ADD sorts of difficulty with focus/concentration and the ability to shut-off unnecessary 'noise' and distractions around me, pain/inflammation is an issue too... so why is that relevant to the reader, well, it probably isn't, but i've been getting emails from unsolicited head-hunters/employment-specialists/recruiters even though i pulled my resume off-line over a year ago and haven't been trying to use such recruitment services, and i've been getting some really good matches/opportunities based on previous experiences and skills, but the one's that i've been getting that require security clearances are COMPLETELY OFF THE FVCKING TABLE, i wish they would quite wasting my time with that nonsense already... once upon a time i qualified for, possessed, and responsibly utilized the privilege of a big-boy security clearance, not anymore, and i don't care to even try to attain one again, because as far as different branches of our government are concerned i'm a druggy useless piece of shit who is completely out of his mind because i've found/observed personal  endocrine benefits from canna... most folks that fall under the same category just try to circumvent/hack the urinalysis test by fasting from the canna, or flushing/detoxing the body before offering a sample of pee... screw that, until the certain branches of government take another look at their foolishness/ignorance regarding whether or not canna has any medicinal/therapeutic benefits then i have no business attempting to work with them... they don't like me, and think that i'm a criminally insane (at least that's what their laws/policies/words and actions suggest), so as long as those nice important folks in government keep up their bullshit they don't want or need me for anything, but if our country ends-up in a Ukraine type of situation they would probably beg me to take-up arms and fight (i can still do that too you know)... so although i appreciate some of the job suggestions that unsolicited head-hunters are sending to me, and as much as i would otherwise qualify and be very productive in many of those jobs, well, there is a line drawn in the sand, and neither of us is willing to budge, and so i just don't consider those endeavors, they waste my time... i am very qualified to keep secrets if/when necessary, but otherwise i'm a lowly and insane drug-user, although/yet other government agencies/divisions have no problem prescribing and paying for laboratory created molecules that were impairing me stronger and longer and causing other physiological problems than canna by itself... the policy-paradox is too blatant and obvious and insane, so i just don't concern myself or consider such 'job opportunities', i'm not going to pretend to be something that i'm not... i treat certain identifiable conditions with canna on occasion and always have enough cannabinoids in my system/blood/pee to fail a so-called drug test, so i'm simply not fvcking around with people that can't find that to be a suitable quality for an employee... and i'd much rather work from home or in a local quiet environment and not have to drive and travel all of the time either--i don't care to be stuck in traffic, it's simply an inefficient use of time, mostly... so thanks but no-thanks to the unsolicited recruitment specialists that have been peppering me with unrealistic job opportunities... they must have noticed on an old online resume that i used to have a security clearance, and so they are sending me leads that require such privileges, and it seems like a waste of time even reading the multiple daily email, so that's why i'm complaining a bit... i'm better suited writing from my humble old beat-up sofa, and the million other things that i do that don't require a clearance, until/unless the silly/moronic agencies that refuse to consider benefits from naturally growing herbs... you'd be surprised how well vegetation and herbs help with the human ecosystem and endocrine regulation, apparently the government isn't aware of that surprise/secret, their bliss amazes me sometimes, but considering the way that they utilize my tax revenue it shouldn't surprise me that they don't have all of their facts and marbles together themselves... who is more insane or criminal, well, according to the government it's me, hunter the biden is allowed to consume crack cocaine and travel with dad to far off lands on behalf of certain 'interests', but i'm the scumbag dope-head insane person (how does that calculate)... sorry, wish i could help some of those folks, but it doesn't seem possible/feasible now, does it. -- ct

03-19-22: OK, i'm going to regurgitate a bit of certain theories, and the relevancy/example of some aspects of those theories, while keeping in mind that those are simply aspects of larger theories, maybe even the theory of everything as currently defined by CTMU author Christopher M. Langan, the legendary smart-guy... so back to today's observations... today i'm trying to get on to the service where i update this blog... and the silly thing forces me to pass what's referred to a 'robot test' in some circles, i call it a pain in the ass but i still appreciate the security feature for all that it's worth... in some respects the security feature is like a mini IQ-test, it's a sense of measuring a presumed expectation of certain aspects of an overall 'intelligence' in some respects, the challenging tool wants to make sure that i'm not brain-dead and understand what some common word/image associations are, it wan't me to be able to 'connect the dots' so to speak... i'm not overly interested in learning more about the construction and methods used to employ a useful security challenge like the darn robot-checker, but there must be some timing-standard though... so artificial-intelligence is something that i heard discussed from some CT MU-appreciating folks, it's used in discussion/regards to folks that try to disprove God but not understanding that God has much more to do with intelligence that many scientists and professional smart people care to recognize, personally speaking i sort of see A/I as a modern 'jacob's latter' an attempt to disprove God by trying to become artificial gods/intelligence, therefore, a cause for concern and not something that should be pursued anymore than where it's already been studied and employed, biblically speaking it's a bit like a tower of babel, but that's just my personal opinion... so anyways, i think the robot-checker is sort of proof that artificial intelligence is one of those oxymoron types of things... worms/hackers can't directly see what we see and respond the correct way in as short of a period of time that's considered to be reasonable... i think that's sort of what i'm trying to say here... -- ct

03-19-22 later:  the freakin robot-checker is kicking my bee-hind today/night, i'll have to check to see why it's more active during sometimes and not others, i haven't picked-up on the pattern/timing yet... sorry, just thinking out loud about one of the minor delays and inconveniences experienced lately, one man's 'benefit' is another man's 'WTF' i suppose... OK, i'm done complaining about the thing for now  --  ct

03-17-22: OK, i just had a good deep breath, i'm about grounded and relaxed as i can be, i'm not overly distracted by my noisy environment/vocation/point, all of the the things that have bugging me are aside, thanks a bit in part from the bit of shamrock-sift that i just combusted-and-inhaled, so i'm pretty chill and not distracted by noise... so let me explain a bit more about some of my writing and communicating and the words and language that i use (however harsh or reasonable that you might compute/assume/judge)... this blog is essentially an experiment, a relatively open and personal one... i was one of the millions of people that had some sort of hardship endured through the pandemic deaths/reactions/restrictions and excursion of power and control, i call it the 'covid era', but we weren't just going through the effects of a germ/pandemic, there were other factors and things leading-up to the expirement/pandemic/reactions, there were other things that stirred-up a bunch of people that noticed the coordinated efforts to remove trump, and not just the coordination of it, but the depths/lows/extremes that people and organizations and networks took a part in accomplishing objectives, i don't need to expand on that right now... but that was pretty eyeopening and very disappointing to me, i don't want to go too deep into theory/conspiracy/observations of 'who did what and why' right now (although i am very curious of those variables), nope... not right now, right now i'm chill and simply want to convey a few facts... when covid hit the USA i was living in a pretty unsustainable lifestyle, illogical employment for age/condition, drove for hours m-f in shitty traffic for long periods of time didn't earn nearly enough to warrant the exertion/stress/time... and i really didn't appropriate my time in a way that reflected my family responsibilities/values/priorities and creativity... so i simply lump those variables together to say that i was living an unsustainable lifestyle, and so when the pandemic began to be exploited for everything it was worth from various opportunists and i was recently unemployed from an unsustainable job and the pandemic was exploited by policy-makers and networked opportunists i just happened to be one of the folks that was both 'shaken and stirred' and hit some sort of existential crisis-- suppose that's what you could call it... i suppose i'm bit of the type of person that isn't the best kind of person to trigger, i'm on the right side of sanity/conviction to be exceedingly 'functional', but i have a bit too much of a warrior/sheepdog and capabilities to simply witness attacks and take it sitting down... however, i did take it sitting down... i took it sitting down as i was trying to learn to adapt to a semi-hostile and changing environment and loss of control of familiar lifestyle and resources--however unsustainable it all really was... i took it sitting down and consuming more media/news/information/manipulation of information, you probably get the idea what i mean... and so it seems that in iself isn't overly sustainable/logical, but the whole experience/time/season was pretty fruitful in the end... in the end i can say that the whole experience got me off of professional RXs that weren't really helping me, and it got me to face many of the illogical and unsustainable life/lifestyle that i was immersed-in, it helped me to address more natural methods of endocrine-control/manipulation which were really more of better health and nutrition and living in the present and not too fast or slow, i'll also say that it was a sort of re-connecting/re-affirming what i call a 'relationship' with God our Creater (there are lot's of names for God you know)... i think what sort of happens in respects to connecting with God/reality is that i/we can get pretty far out there and begin devolving into becoming our own gods and own logic that suggests and unsustainable/unrealistic life/lifestyle--in some respects anyways, so as far as some powers-that-be intended, i was effectgively 'reset' (thanks a fvcking lot), whateve, i suppose it was for my own good, right?... so anyhow, when C Langan uses the term God is the Ultimate Reality then it makes a bit of sense to me, and i think his personal preference of presenting a 'meta religion' where he tries to illustrate good aspects about various religions and where there is commonality and logic in many religious organizations and principles, i'll say that he personally leans toward Christian perspectives, but he considers other things such as factual-logical-science too in describing such 'religious' concepts principles... so anyways, trying to get my head back on my shoulders after a bit of an agonizing sort of season, and adapting to a new/unexpected change of familiar and unstable environment, and essentially a grieving over loss of control and dealing with reality and evolving is all this bloggy webber-net app thing really is :-) ... so basically, i heard that writing could be a healthy way of 'healing' or 'grounding' or therapy and creative expression too, so i started doing that, or at least trying to do so, and that's all that the contents of this blog really is, it's just a creative expression/communication, and an open therapy-session of sorts for those that might benefit from it, so in some respects a bit of transparency with even too much information is all this website blog inter-web thing really is... i'm at an age where i ought to be useful to future generations now, and i do have kids, and so this website might a funny and embarrassing parental thing that they will have to deal with themselves, but they will get to know a deeper level of dad when they care to read this crappy blog web-site app thingy... so really, i write to my kids and anyone else that cares to read... i write a bunch about politics because that's one of the area's where there is such a manipulation of information/truth/reality, and i don't really like professional liars and sellers of bullshit, those sorts of folks really bug the crap out of me many times... and because i more closely identify with one political majority/group/party (therefore biased), it's easy for me to notice the deceptions/manipulations used by the other major political establishment/organization/party while being fully aware that there might be a spec/splinter/log in my own eye... and so i write with a bit of ferocity, which is essentially my perception of an equal but opposite reaction/force... and so anyways, i feel that i'm being challenged to write about more things that unite and not divide a larger audience, i don't pretend that professional sellers of shit-sandwiches are going to try to do the same thing, but i'm being challenged to focus more on uniting... fine... we'll see how that goes... it isn't too easy when you know/trust/appreciate your target audience, but we don't the more that we expand our audience beyond more than one operator... you get a bunch of so-called personality behind my writing style as well as opinions/perspectives, that's about it really, but there is more baby in the bathwater then the reader might assume, so i figure it's worth writing on the inter-blog thing-a-M'jig on the www app... and so lately i've been challenged to be a bit less hostile and a bit more considerate of a larger audience... i think that might be what folks are telling me, i appreciate the concept of peace and love more than i care to write about, really... so fine... OK... i'll try to be a bit more lovey and less hostile to other ideologies, possibly by focusing on reality and the things that unite us... fine, i'll do it... i'm just a bit grumpy about it for now, sometimes we like a good challenge, sometimes we resist, and sometimes changing is a pain in the ass... but i've accepted the challenge, and will offer a bit more of an olive branch then i have been... but it feels so good for a warrior to fight, fighting just feels natural, even with jibs-and-jibes and tit-for-tats on the inter-blog ww-web thing in a digital and somewhat 'virtual' reality... so i think now that i have found my voice (writing style), and learned how to shout a bit, maybe i can hone the volume/tempo and language to adapt to a large audience and be a bit more useful to society and humanity, and therefore, the one who created it all... right now i'm still feeling a bit stubborn and grumpy, but keep praying for me, it might be starting to work a bit... God bless. -- ct

03-17-22 more later: so maybe the best use of my time/energy/utility is spent finishing a good writing project... i had this decent concept for an allegory that would be a useful publication to society/humanity... i got most of my way through it, and then i got inspiration to add two more sections/chapters/concepts... and then those two sections began taking on more research than expected, they were the stories within the stories, and each of those stories was important enough to give them more time and energy, and then you have to consider that i'm a complete rookie, and by that i mean that i've only written when i HAD to, and now i write because i WANT to, and i'm not the least bit trained, so i'm just a creative writer and analyst in many respects, so i didn't try my hand at expression/communicating something beyond job responsibilities/needs until january last year, so i'm a rookie, and so much of the writing thing is foreign/new/weird to me, but i don't give a rat's-ass of my inexperience and lack of talent, i'm writing despite of it... so i think if i'm going to chill-out and detox a bit from pointing out negativity and manipulation exhibited by the charlatans and elites and blackwhites of our time, so perhaps i should shift focus back on 'the conversation'... i don't know what it'll be called when it's done, but it's got that name for now, the opening/introduction is pretty good in some respect, it's short, but the story quickly explains what much of the introduction doesn't... and then i've got much of the first chapter done, and a decent concept/frame-work for the other two... and then i'm not sure if i want to do a closing of sorts that isn't written in the allegory format, it might be good to do that, or i could expand into another chapter to two to finish telling the story without the direct explanation... time will tell... so i'm thinking that if maybe i should 'detox' from news and current events for a bit then maybe i should/could focus my attention to the writing project that i like the most, right now most of the projects and ideas that i have are just interesting and somewhat useful, but the 'conversation' story is probably the most useful one to share, so maybe i approach that one again... i got to tell you though, it feels awfully good and natural to keep writing about the hypocrites and trouble-makers and distractions/time-wasters of our day, i'm not going to stop but maybe i'll be able to make it less of a priority... folks that distort reality and confuse others with manipulative dog-shit sandwiches really bother me, many folks are bothered by it too, but i don't have anything to loose from most perspectives, so i'm not afraid to shove back exposing some of the assholes of our time... there are too many public servants that are still serving far past their collective usefulness, you wish that some folks have forehead meters or growing-noses, or something that indicated being naughty or nice, or technically past their expiration dates in some respects, and whether they are useful or has-beens, but we come with no such things, and the no such things are some of the things that bug me the most from people and humanity, time-wasting information distorting practitioners of spoiled douche-bag valued energy... those are the folks that always need to be called-out and i'm sure that i will continue to do so... but i suppose that i ought to detox a bit from too much negative information, and get back to a project thats been stalled a bit... maybe i got most of my amplified poking and fingering out for now, or just need to recenter a bit more, we'll see, time will tell, and for now it might be time to tell another thing or two about some other things that might be more useful to humanity... there is another story that is also very timely that i'd love to tell, but i think a bunch of pros are already working on it and doing a much better job than i might, i think i still will someday, but it might actually help with some income needs more quickly because it's easy low-hanging fruit... anyhow, not sure when i'll start my detox/fast, but i'm going to shift back to the project that i think will be more useful to humanity... maybe some folks are praying for me, or maybe there is just a need for a vacation of sorts, or maybe it's a different season... i have the attention of some strategists from multiple political ideological preference now, and i think that much of the surveillance is just folks that want to know more about what my 'demographic' thinks about certain things, and i'm good with that too, i'm glad to poke at some influencers, folks that know me as a mild-mannered and respectable person, well, you're still probably correct in many respects, but folks that wanted to shock the american citizen certainly did so, and they certainly have my attention now, and i don't mind poking back at assholes... so like i said, i'm going to detox for a bit in the very near future, and i'll probably focus attention back on a decent allegory worth distribution... one note to the reader, i don't necessarily write to insulated folks or core demographics, so if my writing style doesn't appeal to you then i might not be writing to you, for now.  -- ct

03-16-22: i think blogging stuff is going well, i don't sell anything, or take sponsors, and i'm not connected to any mayor groups, but it's still reaching influencers that have 'reacted' based on some opinions and perspectives and wording, i knew that there would be some reach/connection to some professional smart people, but i didn't know exactly who, and how many, and when... quality not quantity is my model of outreach in regards to rule-makers and influencers, and i'm glad i can help, but some differing idealists are using the blog too... i encouraged surveillance and i got it in a hurry, and now from multiple people/organizations, i suppose that's just how it works... anyways, i'm just keeping along doing what i'm doing, and i don't mind contributing to an unofficial/official focus group or two, dialog is important, and my demographic and opinions are a good litmus for some folks... anyhow, i stirred the hornet's nest a bit on the facey-book platfrom, still bringing attention to manipulation tactics being deployed by certain people and organizations... i think it's important to make note of it because it's typically people that are hiding mischiveous actions/intent that manipulate events/information, and i don't care for many of those snakes that practice that sort of thing... i don't think that i really need to explain why i do what i do when it comes to writing, but i guess i really should, i guess that's important as it is to writing/speaking and living int he truth... so the truth is that i've felt challenged to expand a bit more on the writing style and words and reasoning behind them... i suppose there is a mix between me defining them better for myself, as well as being a bit rebellious and just pushing-back at instigators with an equal and opposite force... so everything that we do has many reasons behind it, and some of my reasoning is that i don't appreciate/approve of human predators that use use words and deception as tools, they are just as bad as the deviants that hurt and kill regular folks - innocents - victims... that's mostly why i write, and what i write, and when i write it... simple, right? -- ct

03-16-22 later: right about now i'm starting to think more about my pretend theory, the 'theory of thirds', and it's not much of a theory at all really, but it's my simple way of re-iterating the fact that there are at least three ways of looking at an event, your way, my way, and the full truth, i'm sure someone older and smarter than me already spoke more exhaustive on the subject, but just let me call it what i want to call it for the sake of this post... like i said, it's not much of a theory, it's just an illustration to say that we all see/interpret/experience things/events differently, different/NOT complete/equal... i'm really just thinking about how somethings (reality ?) is something that we don't think much about when things just feel natural and regular and normal and perfect when we are

03-15-22:  i feel a bit like the village idiot that just realizes that they are the idiot and folks have been patronizing them all along, i felt like that at a young age when i realized that santa wasn't real, so believe me, i know the feeling... what i mean is that i think someone that i'm getting to know a little bit is actually someone more famous and 'connected' than i realized, and they are a bit humble and quiet about much of their dealings, which are actually qualities that i admire to a certain degree... anyways, i'm feeling a bit naive right now... i just watched a movie that was very well done and i'm pretty sure that a relatively new acquaintance was involved... well executed audio/video stories are something to behold when the stories within the story have decent content and messaging, and entertainment industry is something that i don't spend much time thinking a ton about yet i consume media pretty regularly, and so i feel a bit naive in my understanding of who recent acquaintances really are, but i appreciate humble and reserved folks and their reasons for staying quiet about certain matters... it's a bit fascinating really, maybe i'll write about the film sometime, i thought it was very well done, the pace and tempo are a little fast sometimes, but maybe that's by design, but the 'experience' was pretty spectacular, and the messaging was really appreciated... just call me the village idiot, because sometimes i are one, many times i am, OK, maybe most of the time i really am, probably... just feeling a bit naive tonight, that's all... time to hit the sack, g'night mate.  --  ct

03-14-22: i started following this group a bit, and they make a distinction between various types of intelligence, they break it down to various things that people might be gifted at, some folks pay attention to some aspects/facets of life and society, some folks are more perceptual and motivated to learn sometihings or two really well, some folks are exceedingly social-intelligent, some are gifted in math comprehension, or know mechanical or biological systems really well, i think it's smart take notice in things that you are curious about and seem to excel or are decent at, there is nothing more impressive than watching a person working in their giftings and curiosities, and then some folks seem to be super-smart about ton's of things, the higher IQ types... anyways, i'm not a money guy, in some respects i'm the village-idiot, i had learned how to earn some of it, and how to use some it wisely for certain priorities, but fell back to poor person and also irresponsible utilization of it, almost rebelliously when difficult times hit, i did that as a single person too in my youth, i was generally decent with the money that i earned, but when you grow-up poor you generally have to use your money for things that are generally provided for other in more sustainable families and households, if you want something then you earn some money and go buy it yourself type of situation, but when trouble-times hit and unexpected circumstances arose and if i couldn't make a bill or two then sometimes that situation compiles, and then eventually you might even get into debt consolidation cards or loans, and then you either begin to understand that you are living a non-sustainable lifestyle, or not... some folks learn about sustainable or non-sustainable lifestyles / venues / income / environments etc. from younger ages than others, i think it can be maddening when you don't learn enough about living within your means in a realistic environment/lifestyle and then you get hit with compounded financial set-backs, i can write freely about it but i'm stuck in one of those living in the red seasons of life right now... anyways, i'm mentioning this to say that i handle my personal income / budget / financial responsibilities poorly-irresponsibly-idiotically, those sorts of words, i could tell you in my own words that i am above intelligence in some matters, and certifiable idiot in matters like finances, i had learned to how to earn it, learned how to live a lifestyle that was still humble but filled with distracting societal normalties and things of interest, and stuff for our young growing family, but we never had enough of a savings to help when needs arise, we seemed to be living a more financially risky of a lifestyle than we realized, and were still giving away some of our income to help other less fortunate folks and organizations while tax burdens and new needs increased as well, and so compounded debt... i think if you grow-up poor and learn to 'manage' finances from folks that also have a hard time making ends-meet then it's easy for someone to stay young-and-dumm as far as financial-intelligence is concerned... right now i would say that my biggest challenge financially speaking is learning to earn income that my aging and injury prone body can reasonably, i'd probably be better suited to do it remotely with some flexibility while i still have school-aged kids, and it would have to afford a reasonable and sustainable income, i'm basically making a transition into a more sustainable lifestyle which includes changing physical conditions and to get a better grasp on reality for what a gimpy fifty-something ought to be doing for work... maybe most of this isn't relevant to the reader, but it's relevant to me, so when i saw this headline today on the webber-net inter-link thing (www) it perked my curiosity, Dave Ramsey seems to be a decent enough guy with some solid financial-intelligence, so i might get his new book, he says that growing some form of wealth is possible for anyone and he can prove it, i'm all for science, so 'proof' is what's got my curiosity, i'll probably try to find his book on the cheap and see what i can learn from the guy, he teaches about wealth principles but isn't making promotional videos driving in a convertible in the sunshine surrounded by super-models flashing his possessions on the way to the yacht, so i don't mind taking more advice from ramsey than some other knuckleheads, and i don't want to have to start watching stocks and indexes and markets and industries, i really don't think that's the level of financial intelligence that i want to pursue, i'd rather have a house and property that makes me get outside and toil some ground and raise some critters that provide food, and to grow more of our own food on a scale that is reasonable, that seems more sustainable of a lifestyle than trusting money and markets to buy the food and water to sustain you, it almost seems like a paradox/hypocritical to know that we physically require nutrition and calories but don't takes steps to produce any of it, and to simply pay others to produce it for you, that's the sustainability philosophy that i seem to be stuck with at this moment, i really want to move to a quieter venue where i can start to live more sustainably, otherwise i just have to learn how to keep earning more income, and that's not my jam... writing is helping with the transition, maybe i'll sell a book or two (as Bernie the Sanders recommends doing), who knows how this transition period will go for me/family, but i'll check-out some of Ramsey's knowledge/reasoning/philosophies in the near future... self-improvement (personal evolution) is expected for a more sustainable and longer life, so i need to learn how to quite being the village idiot when it comes to financial matters, and i really need to find the right employment opportunity, everyone seems to have suggestions but none of them compute, so i still consider it a season of trial, and this one too will pass, i hate getting old and gimpy.  --  ct

03-13-22:  i'm a bit concerned about recent russian aggression, i'm more or less praying about certain aspects of the conflict, loss of life and suffering are parts of life, they are reality and somewhat unavoidable... i understand that's part of life, but i still don't like it, i'm just sort of praying a bit... look, i have a bit of a warrior's heart and will fight when i think it's neccesary, but the reality and results of conflicts are a bit emotional sometimes, many times... i say that but i will still fight, under the sun there are seasons, seasons for everything, as good or bad as they may seem, some seasons are more difficult than others... warriors strive for peace but will unload a sh1tload of hurt when neccesary, great warriors know how to discern the severity of ass-whoopin or when to restrain from the power that we are capable of... i have some loved-ones that warriors, i'm sure they are great one's too... there is always a level of conflict in discerning how much force/energy to apply violence of action, sometimes there are rules of engagement, other times there doesn't seem to be any... today i'm sort of praying for folks in harm's way, it's not my conflict but i'm praying anyway... the only certainty in life is physical death, it doesn't get anymore real than that, but it's still a bit painful to consider death sometimes, and the circumstances of death, today more than other days, yet it's not my conflict.  --  ct

03-13-22 later:  some of the family and i just watched a movie 'tic tic boom'... i'm not going to research or write with much depth on it, but it was a good story... creative folks seem to have their share of struggles, just like the rest of us, and J Larson was no exception... without reading much of his background the movie's character seemed bi-polar, some frantic/manic highs and some painful lows, things that we all experience to some degree or another, but it's just a bit more apparent in some folks... i think it took place in the 90s, i was in my twenties through most of the 90s, they were memorable years, the movie touched on the AIDS/HIV which was huge at the time, especially in the theater community... trying to not give ant spoilers, but here are a few take-aways from my simple perspective:

* we all come with expiration dates, and most of us have no idea when that date is

03-09-22:  someone had recommended the movie the 'peaceful warrior', he said Nick Nolte is in it... it's a book too, and it looks like it's part of theory and life's work by a D Millman... i haven't read much about him or his theories or perspectives or opinions, but i'll watch the movie that was recommended, and take some notes, maybe tonight if i can stay awake long enough, i'm running on fumes today and might try to fit in a nap to get me through the rest of the afternoon and evening, i appreciate tying-in a nap with prayer/meditation, 30 minutes seems like plenty if you need to just recharge a bit, but i fade out starting with prayer usually when i bed down... i wonder what Mr Millman has to say about that :-)  --  ct

03-09-22 later: OK, i'ma gonna check-a outta da movie nowa... in the meantime i'm having a tit-for-tat with my dad on the facey-book, he views liberalism and freedom and DNC differently than i do... so the way that it works is that i write something meaningful and insightful and true and mostly spot-on, and then occasionally my dad get's lucky with a timely DNC-generated narrative-of-the-day meme that distracts from current reality and shifts focus back on things that happened fifteen years ago because they don't like to talk about the here and now an inconvenient truths that they don't want to talk about, that's sort of how this tit-for-tat usually works with my dad and i... look, some of my favorite people in the world also happen to be hypnotized zombies that swear that democrats do no wrong and will repeat any narrative of the day that their masters push, i'm fine with that understanding/reality, but they aren't going to make me shut-up about the buffoons they elected into office again, i know, we all wish everybody believed in the same ideas and facts and set of bullshit that we believe, but that's simply not life, so i don't mind pushing back on the political know-it-alls that love to dismiss truth and reality, my mission in life isn't to make people comfortable and happy, although some folks wish that it was, go back to your simple and insulated lives where public policy must be explained in a clever meme or a fortune cookie... anyways, i'm gonna crank up the movie and take some notes, i like to do that when people recommend a flick or a book, etc, i'm no critic or reviewr or analyzer, i'm just like a face-book or political fact-checker, i just offer my opinions and perspectives on certain matters, but DNC-cultists need a fvcking reality check of huge proportions their continued support and appreciation of the brandon in chief and the administration's environmental zealotry policies and economic manipulation and destabilization, the zombies can keep repeating suggestive narratives til they are blue in the face and noggins alike, but some folks certainly need a wake-up call to snap them back to reality, that's all i'm trying to say, i'ce personally heard from over twenty folks that anger-voted for brandon and now are regretful, i can relate, we all make stupid decisions sometimes, but admitting that we have a problem is a good step in the right direction, otherwise it's going to be hard to deprogram your faulty algorithm ... OK... the movie review now... right. -- ct

03-09-22 laterer:  peaceful warrior - Universal Studios, Sobini Films 2007

inspired by true events

gymnast dripping sweat holding a pose on the rings, executes a decent looking dismount and experiences and unfortunate outcome, it's a dream/nightmare

he wakes the young lady sleeping next to him, it's 3:am, he can't go back to sleep so he dresses and goes out for a run, he ends-up at a service station to grab a drink, and has am odd encounter with the old-man, i won't expand on details as not to be a spoiler...

the next day opens with the men's collegiate gym team out for a run, they make few crude comments like many college folks do, military folks were the same but different in that respect...

next scene the gym team's coach is trying to convey some inspirational and challenging rhetoric to push the boys into better production and execution, he's got some decent coachy lines

8:40 one of the team-mates does a decent pommel-horse routine, coach is encouraging and motivating, then millman tries to execute a difficult dismount from rings, coach gives him crap about it but encourages him to keep working hard, team mate zing's him with a 'lord of the rings' comment

next scene he pulls-up at service station with his motorcycle and want's to know how the old-timer did something seemingly impossible, he confronts him over it, he mentions 'elite warriors', explains difference between wisdom and knowledge, he talks a bunch of deep/dense philosophy in a short period of time, so far so good, the kid tells the old-timer how often he trains and 'socretes' isn't impressed, if you don't make the olympic team what are you going to do, you must have thought about it (i recall a similar conversation with a decent mentor or two, priceless but difficult words)... crap, i'm only fifteen minutes in and i've already written too much, but i like the movie so far...

... next scene is frat-bar party, some drinking and trash talking and some drama over 'a girl', another girl hits on the kid, they end-up in suggestive scene shy of nudity, and then an unexpected thing ends the encounter

... kid ends-up back at service station talking to the old-timer, people live a lifetime without ever becoming awake, if you know so much then why are you working at a gas-station, this is a 'service station', we offer service, there is no higher purpose, service to others... 19:30 the kid sees 'Joy' for the first time, big buddah little buddah, cute... the kid and the old man eat, the kid show's interest in Joy, slow-down you might taste something, you practice gymnastics and i practice everything, so how long can you stand like this 'jack', 5 min on the table (they had us do similar 'exercises' in the army too, sometimes while holding an m-16 at full arms-length), my son jack, everyone wants to tell you how to do this and that and not find your own answers, i want you to stop gathering information from the outside and gather it from the inside... 24:40 people are afraid of what's on the inside, and it's the only place they are going to find what they need, challenges him about 'being scared' and feeling empty, you tell me that you want to be someone more than someone that gets=up on those rings and performs more than a well rehearsed stunt or two, you tell me that you want to be someone that uses his mind and his body in ways that most people won't have the courage to, and i will train you Dan, to be a real warrior

... next is motorcycle scene, some reckless driving behavior

... then gym scene where kyle has an injury, kid doesn't want to admit injury, typical athetic denial and pressure, kids talk about the injury and opportunity for someone to step-up and take kyle's spot on the horse, competitive behavior

... dan is back talking to socretes, explains that he first saw opportunity rather than compassion in kyle's injury, toss me the wrench, the five-eigths, the mind is just a reflex organ it reacts to everything, it fills your head with millions of randon thoughts per day and none of them reveal anymore about yourself than a freckle does at the end of your nose, slap-fest, did you notice how the right leverage can be very effective, what if i told you that's what your training, even your life is about, developing the wisdom to apply the right leverage and the right place at the right time, take out the trash, the trash is up here, that's the first part of your training, learning to throw out everything that you don't need in here (head-poke), meet me on campus tomorrow at the bridge

... dan is running, forgot about horse try-outs, asks bud to have coach wait for him so he can meet socretes at the bridge... can we make this quick, sure, hey i'm talking to you, you said you were in a hurry so i emptied-out your mind, you were present, devoted one-hundred percent to the experience you were having, you even had a word for it LOL, your out of your mind you know that, it's taken a lifetime of practice, (uggggh i'm only a third into the film), there is always something going on, there is never anything not going on, touches him and gives him hyper-focus/vigilance (i can relate to getting in the zone and being able to see multiple stories and events going on at the same time, it can be pretty exhausting when you can't really control it), there is never nothing going on, take out the trash dan, he teaches him about how to focus and not be distracted by noisy thoughts, nice coaching technique

... horse try-outs, where's millman, in the shower, experiencing slowed mind and hyper-focus, execute flawless at horse try-outs, shocks team mates and coach with performance

... on motorcycle pulls-up to service station, bragging about performance and calling the focus a trick, shows that he didn't appreciate the experience other than selfish motives and ego, gloating, go home, training is over for tonight (think on your sins for awhile)

... back at campus he has strange encounter/experience with socretes in the gymnasium, climbs the rope and has a seat, helps him to 'hear' everyone's thoughts internal conversations, he's hearing everyone's negative thoughts, go home i said, what did you just to do me, some of the things i'm going to show you your going to need strength and your going to have to trust me, runs away

... 45:00 back at the college bar, so this old guy did this high-jump, so i'm listening to him so i can find out how he did it, he hears his team-mate project the negative thoughts he had from the gym earlier

... he's outside and sees joy, he approaches her and mentions socretes, (half-way through he film and i've written much too much, it seems, maybe if write summaries i will learn to write the stories a little better, maybe this is good practice), she doesn't give him specific details that he's asking about and listens to his perceptions and answers with reflective questions and statements

... back on the motorcycle at night, he's back at the service station, takes his helmet off as he looks back at the old man, they don't exchange words, but dan is shown doing various chores around the station, sweeping, scrubbing etc.

... back at his room he denies entry to beautiful co-ed

... back to sweeping scene, bathroom cleaning, isn't happy about the labor and work

... back at the gym coach is harshly criticizing ring performance, he concedes that he's 'off today', the next time your tired try taking a nap instead of coming to practice, team mates in background murmuring

... back at service station at night, how we doing tonight, tired hungry and horny, how r U doin'... i need some answers tonight (doubt impatience), when you become a warrior you learn to meditate through every action, 'scrubbing toilets!?', letting go of attachments like your pride, [rewind and pause at 49:51, i'm really thinking about bed.sleep right about now, it's 22:10 and i'm fading hard/fast]... TBC'd...

03-08-22:  there are a few things/topics that i want to write about, or comment on, but i won't right now, i had some very interrupted sleep last-night, i've felt out of sorts to some degree today, so i set my alarm for 30 minutes and laid down, it was fruitful, i dosed-ff a bit, enough to hit a different level of consciousness for a moment or two, and i woke suddenly before the alarm went off... it was like a brilliant dream with insight and i woke to a degree to where i couldn't articulate the dream/thought, it was a bit frustrating really, but it was a simple pillar of christianity/reality and about people's ability to understand/recognize fault/sin... i think it was something to do with defensive-manipulation/mechanisms/traits, and the extent that we will make excuses for sin, where sin becomes exponential as we start to enjoy it and shape our lives around the facilitation and practice of sin, we can get to a point where we are 'given over' to such practices to form a depraved mind where we start to believe in the logic of our excuses/concealment/manipulation/deviancy... i think the dream was much to do with that sort of stuff, but it ended with a simple summation, but when i woke i couldn't remember the summation, which is almost as frustrating as people's unwillingness or denial or conscious effort for repentance and self-regulation... anyways, i had to write for a few minutes to wake-up and get re-grounded after the quick nap.  --  ct

03-06-22:  not much to write about the last couple of days, today is mostly input and computing, not much output, i woke up early and added a bit more to this topic, there is still a bunch to go on it... it's one of those topics that can be so intertwined with so many other aspects of life, so i'm trying to do it justice without being overly detailed, but psychology meets religion meets our perception of life/environments and growing pains and struggles and personal evolution and survival, well, all of those things mix together and equate to life's ups and downs, we remember them both equally, sometimes too much of one thing and not enough of the other to give us a balanced outlook on life and reality, so that's what i'm trying to communicate in a few various ways, it's a good project, i hope it's decent when it's done, i think it will be.  --  ct

03-06-22 later:  some people, including many grease-trap spawned shit-bombs, use various 'events' as opportunities to manipulate and exploit to reach predefined goals... every 'news-worthy' event can be heart-filled moments of empathy, and they can also be an scum-feeding bottom-dweller's best case scenario, opportunistic shit-feeders will use natural disasters as ways to advance their cause... it's being done right now... pay attention to the networked folks lining-up to smack putin around, and headlines that are something like 'putin said ***' and 'putin said that', and they are using the opportunity to dismiss certain factual things as 'russian propaganda', i'm not going to give examples, just take note of it, and who is repeating narratives and might be networked, it's not hard when you know what to look for... when 'dozens of experts and former intel personnel' all of a sudden offer their professional 'opinions' that hunter the biden's laptop was russian interference and propaganda, and you consider how quickly they banded together to announce the same narrative that was proved wrong beyond a shadow of a doubt then you have to be careful of how many 'influencers' of all sorts start repeating putin narratives, who those folks are, and what sorts of trends and behaviors do they exhibit, information control aka censorship has become common-place when it comes to 'news' and information sharing... these are interesting days that we live in.  --  ct

 03-04-22:  taking a break from a couple of stressing routines today, a 'detox' of sorts... i'm juggling a few writing projects, all which require more research to really progress much, and that's in between chores and family responsibilities... and then there are other areas of interest, things like news and current events, policies, trends, media, local, state, national, and world governments and branches and agencies... and so i think i need a break from those stressors today too, more de-tox... and then when 'writing' + 'other areas of interest' + a new stress = trial, that's when it's time to take a rest from a bunch of other normal routines, a day like today to detox, so to speak... so in the short time that i have to write i'm just going to jot down a few recent thoughts, just a few things that have some medical/historical relevance for my kids some day, i'm working on a project that i'm calling 'my resume', it might be more like an auto-bio for a certain period of my life, but it's been helpful to jot down some relevant historical things to contribute to that project... just a personal note to the reader, even if you don't write for anything more than necessary, try to write your autobiography, or something close to that, for your kid's sake, and even if you don't have kids then write it for history sake, don't let history or someone else write your biography/story, write it for yourself, write it for the next generation whoever they may be, it doesn't have to be digitized like i'm doing on this blog-thing, but still take the time and slow your ass down to be able to write a few important or interesting facts about yourself that the next generation might benefit from, tell your story, it never has to be shared, but tell your own story, don't let 'cancel culture' tell their version of your story, and another important tip for when you start writing, write it truthfully, not like the public-relations disillusionary acid-trip thing that andrew cuomo wrote about his 'covid heroics' and brilliant leadership, don't waste your time writing shit like that, that sort of shit is a manipulation and distortion of reality that helps no one ever, no, not ever ever ever... but who am i to judge, if his book is his version of reality then good for him, at least he got a staff to attempt to help him to write his own story, his own resume, his own whatever-that-was... i can't wait to see what anthony the fauci writes about himself, he know's that more and more layers of him are becoming exposed and there is only so much horse-shit he can really sling around anymore, so he needs to tread lightly on public-relations and profiting anymore from his position of influence/power, and his relationship with corporate and NGOs, etc., and the events that preceded a near world-wide pandemic, and moved us into the current state of the great reset that i just sort of refer to as 'the covid era'... some people are too smart for their own good and they are willing to stress-test theories in order to manipulate certain conditions, anyways, welcome to the great reset, i hope you enjoy the ride, a bunch of rich global capitalists are counting on it... not sure about your neck of the woods, but in the USA we deal with a bunch of foreign campaign interference as well as domestic interference from some influential networks, and sub-networks, etc... does any of that sound interesting, probably not, but i'm writing about it anyways... it's really not that hard to connect certain dots when you know what keywords and ideas to search for, sometimes life is stranger than fiction, how observant have you been, hopefully more than me, i'm just starting to get a good grasp of much of it myself, hopefully you know more than me and have much more peace about most of it than i do, it bugs me enough + i find the story fascinating enough that it's worth cataloging for the next generation... and if turns-out that i'm proven to be wrong then we'll have a hallelujah moment to rejoice, but i don't think that's the case at all... so... it seems that i couldn't help myself, i just wrote that i was going to take a break from certain things today, to detox... but maybe just writing what i did was therapeutic in itself, it seems to help to just re-phrase/re-define things a bit sometimes, even though i was trying to take a pause from it today... well, i don't have much time to write today, i have lot's of things to consider that are much closer to home, we've got a new hurdle to navigate that needs proper attention.  --  ct

03-01-22: Happy two year anniversary... it's been two full years now since i worked an actual conventional M-F type of job... what an exciting time this covid-era has been... if you wonder why i write with a bit of harshness and criticism toward the deep-state scum slurping DNC and their marxist socialist communist racist god-hating activists and other associates, well two years of fvcking-up america and the lives of many other people too, that has much to do with it... if i want to return to the 'workforce' i have to take a bunch of fauci's special serums for his trial, you know the pseudo-vaccinations that protect no one from catching the germ, wear CO2 recycling g-strings on my face (the kind that are too porous to actually contain the germ) all day while they fog my reading glasses and i can't see a damn thing, and i have to be a good little obedient democrat-correct parrot that questions nothing that possessed/delusional liberal-progressives spew from their mush-mouths, and simply just 'comply' with whatever the puppet-president and the radical communists in office come up with next... how has the covid-era changed your life... did you lose any loved-ones, how long were you isolated for, what did you have to do without and for how long, did you get caught-up in the fantastical rhetoric of social and racial activists, did you start hating conservatives and christian too, did you start hating republican voters too, and how much of the DNC-whore blackwhites that supposedly report 'news' did you consume and possibly start believing, how did covid/DNC policies effect your children or grand-children and their freedoms, how much do you enjoy inflation and jacked-up fossil-fuel and electricity costs... those are a couple-few thoughts to contemplate when you review how much your life has changed mostly in part to DNC activists and agents, and covid-exploitation from every opportunist with warped motivation... do you think that political executives who exploited the shit out of emergency authorization powers related to a germ were the works of well-intentioned people that love american citizens, your 'yes' or 'no' answer speaks volumes to the state of your sobriety or impairment... too bad the DNC polluted their network with so many environmental social and racist activists while being influenced by uber-rich global investors, many whose intentions and motives are less to be desired, it's rendered their party the inability to draft legislation with common-sense and doesn't cater to their own network... right is wrong, and wrong is right if you are a delusional social-addict... anyways, happy march to you, may it be more fruitful than last march for all of us. -- ct