christopher terlizzi

...if folks are curious enough about this website or about me as a person they might end up poking around and ending up here, reading some blog entries/posts, blog posts are where i write about most of the real things that are important to me, and about other things to, sometimes things that bother me for some reason, and i also write about other silly ego revealing things that nobody needs to waste their time reading... but mostly its where i write about things that i think are important somehow, i write to my kids and anyone else that cares to read... once again, it seems that i need to reiterate, NO PAID ADVERTISEMENTS anywhere on this website ever, it's not in my business model -- ct

September 2021

09-30-21: just a few more hours until october, september was adequate, it was necessary and pleasant at times, it was productive, it was a transition month that always kicks our asses as a family with school aged offspring and wife that's devoted the bulk of her life to early childhood education, june and september are the transition months that effect folks that are bound to k-12 academic school year, kids are worth every second of the painful transition months, the months don't have to be painful when we know what to expect but there always seems to be some sort of painful transition, or maybe you could just call it stress, anyhow september came and went as it always does, and autumn has arrived as it always does... autumn in new england is pretty nice, and if you have allergies it's get better after the first hard frost, but that means it gets cold too, so there is that, hot apple cider is a thing of beauty during cool autumn days, so is chili, so is fair-food that will cause gastroenterologic distress... anyhow, tomorrow is octoboer... somewhere there is an octoberfest a brewing, maybe warm beer should be a thing for a cold autumn day/night, room temp is nice but warm could be a thing, unless it's gross... anyway, september is about gone and october has a chance of changing our lives in very positive ways, in my world october means storing away the air conditioners and getting the space heaters queued up. -- ct

09-29-21: i got the a/c installed, the one that i was going to do yesterday, i also got a significant cut on my forearm near my elbow while doing so, on my dominant side to boot, i got it taped together pretty quickly and there is no blood seeping through, so i think i'll skip the doctor's office and stitches, but will need to keep an eye on possible infection, infection sucks, they typically hurt quite a bit too, those steri-strip things work remarkably well if they don't get wet, i'll have to waterproof the fricking thing when i shower, that's a pain in my ars, but the a/c rocks, it probably won't be needed anytime soon as it's autumn in new england, but maybe they will need it if we get an unexpected hot spell, who knows, but they got a good a/c installed by a middle-aged guy with a nasty cut on his arm, all in a day's work for an unemployed/self-employed american man... i was thinking about my son today, he's neck deep in some serious hard work about now, the marines are working him like he's never been worked before and i can't wait to hear him tell us about the training, it's different than army combat-arms training i'm sure, but i kinda get it, it beats the crap out of you physically no matter how good shape you are in, muscle failure happens to everyone, some folks faster than others, the mental crap sucks too, you are a generic person like everyone else around you, you are equal no matter how high you regard yourself, they crack your ego no matter how special you think you are, and they teach you lot's of stuff no matter how much you already know... but the son has a great character and attitude so i think he will do well, i don't know how i got through army sh1t, but i have more confidence in him than i had in myself, i was a tad taller and thicker and probably more confident then him, but somehow i survived the suck, he will probably do better than i did, but then again he picked the marines and not the superior army so whatever ( i hope he reads this some day and get's a good laugh), team america is the reality... i've got some chili slow cooking right now, i hope this batch comes out good, Josiah likes the chili but loves his mom's chicken casserole, we'll get some of that queued-up for his first return home... OK, i'm babling and have plenty to do, but needed to write for a bit, good talk then. -- ct

09-28-21: i'm writing in a few places here and there, but not on all topics and all places that i typically write, just a bit here and there... i haven't encouraged feedback for the past month so i haven't gotten much, but i have read what i have received and i appreciate it and i will respond in time, but thank you for now. -- ct

09-26-21: writing has taken a back-seat for the past week, i've been dealing with some personal and emotional challenges regarding a family dynamic... some people deal with emotional shit that is out of our control in healthy manors and others with unhealthy manors, i think i have been doing both, but the most notable is a distracting thing where i am trying to keep myself busy with a current goal which is cleaning and organizing a home that i will simply call a hoarding/un-hygeinic irritant and toxic breeding ground, i'm getting our house in order whether other family members are happy about it or not, i can't live in a shit-hole any longer and i'm embarrassed that i ever let our home get to it's current state... when you live in a tear-down house with a cellar/crawl-space that encourages critters, insects and dampness to infiltrate you must keep such a house as neat and dry as possible until the house collapses or you move, when you let the house get to hoardsville/dump conditions the bugs and dampness and dust balls have their way until much of the hoard-crap needs to be thrown away or burned... irritants, mold, mildew, dust take control and the tear-down house becomes more unhealthy than necessary and sinus and vascular challenges are persistent, as stated above, i am distracting myself by getting our house in order and whether or not i can teach my family through this experience remains to be seen... i don't have a ton of steady readers so i don't feel that it's necessary to apologize to anyone while i get my house in order and write less, but that's what's going on around here... i'm trying to use this cleaning and organizing as an educational tool for my family but it's a challenge in many respects, prayer is welcomed and encouraged by the reader, marriages have ended over less challenges but lifestyle changes that fit into reality can be painful and the older we get and the longer that persistent dysfunctions run wild the more painful that necessary changes can 'feel'... i don't want things to get to the point where i move out and into a survival type of shelter but it might be healthier to chronic sinus and vascular conditions that are exacerbated by unhealthy lifestyle choices and decisions and ignorance... i have thrown away many moldy and insect dwelling clothes that are left thrown about and looking into how many dehumidifiers we can afford for next spring, and how much we can afford to keep them running in order to live in a tear-down house with little water/vapor control until we find the right place to move to, and when we can afford to move there, as stated above, prayer is welcomed by the reader... when i used to work for a living instead of being home and present it was easy to just let this sort of dysfunction run it's course, now that i've been home i have become aware of the magnitude of our living situation and trying to figure out how to get through this mountain of a problem that is need of correction... i want a big-ass fvcking dumpster to dispose of unmanaged 'memories' that don't do a fvcking positive thing in day to day living but seem to be littering our tear-down home that resembles stereo-typical unhygienic hoard... i've been distracting myself through personal and emotional difficulty by trying to clean our fvcking house while most household members are more concerned with making more messes and contributing to unhygienic hoarding rather than learning to be responsible adults, i've spent more time cleaning and organizing and removing refuse than i have been writing this past week, that's why i haven't been writing... i don't know how i ended up in this sort of lifestyle but nothing about it makes sense, when and where to move are the longer term questions, and how to teach the rest of the family about healthy and hygienic living is the short-term mission... we have got to move out of a tear-down house in a town that doesn't make sense for our lifestyle and into a different geography that is a bit more dispersed and offers space to be more self-sufficient in terms of growing and raising food and working with hands not just minds and money... but cleaning house seems to be the current mission, employment should be a consideration as well, but it's secondary when you live in an unhygienic shit-hole... did i mention that prayer is appreciated... anyways, that's partly why i haven't written much this past week, i'm using emotional distractions and energy to try to do something useful, too bad being a house-keeper isn't my only responsibility otherwise this place might actually look nice, but somehow and someway i chose this particular lifestyle and the repentance process is tiring and painful. -- ct

09-26-21 later: wow... what a great and productive morning this has been, talk about answers to prayers, it seems like we had a huge/HUGE break-through that began as an 'insensitive' call to action and was met with emotions/feelings and tears and even some shouts, but youngest daughter was able to speak with both 'feelings and logic' to improve communication and help everyone realize the severity of unsafe living conditions that have been exasperated by unhealthy house-keeping/hygiene... i think we have total acceptance/buy-in to the dysfunctional state of reality, it looks like an old-fashioned list of chores and purposely scheduling time for daily and weekly maintenance/cleaning/chores is what's in order, it seems like folks are willing to be responsible and accountable to such logical hygienic routines if there is a schedule of sorts, then we learn who requires additional training in each chore to be successful in their contributions to the current family/occupants, but also to their futures as individuals and to society as a whole... the difference between dealing with reality in a healthy perspective and continuing in unhealthy and even dysfunctional actions and behaviors seems to be education as well as accountability, at least that's how i am dumming it down to or simplifying as i should say... but i can't reiterate how productive this morning was, talk about answer to prayer with simple solutions to the root-cause of some problems... so i have a list going, a list of chores that yield to healthy living environments, but then again i am trying to re-invent the wheel as i do often times in life, so i think i'll just use a simple search engine and videos for a solid chore list with education in how to do such chores, the first half of today was family bonding through difficulty in many respects, the fruit of such bonding has yet to be determined, but i think it has been a fruitful day and our home will be a much better place for it, and off-spring's growth will be fruits of a meaningful morning, who knew that today would be so awesome, but i probably should have expected as much. -- ct

09-23-21: i had forgotten how much i used to write when i couldn't sleep, but i went to bed early and was up by 0300, so i decided to get behind the keyboard and have at it... i don't know if i got too much outdoor time yesterday afternoon, maybe my body isn't used to that much sun and oxygen, or physical labor, but i was ready for bed at 1800, and by 1900 i made the commitment to lay down, i slept in my son's bed most of the night, i'm not even sure if he's used a bed since he left on Monday, i'm pretty sure that uncle sam has got him beyond tired by now, and he is going to appreciate the crappy mattress that he is issued no matter how lumpy it is. Tacos were pretty good last-night, and didn't keep me awake, all of the log work that i did gave me a good full-body workout that i've been missing for a while, it kicked my butt, but, i didn't crush any body parts or strain anything, but the giant breaker-bar/pry-bar allowed me to move some frickin heavy-ass ashe-wood that my wee little body couldn't budge on my own, but the six-foot steel bar/lever assisted in a good work-out and i moved the huge log out of the way so we can park in front of the house again, the weather was perfect for outdoor work too, i smelled something of a wild animal with a hint of fabric softner by the time the log was moved, a hot shower never felt so good, except coming back from a deployment and watching the dust and dirt wash out of your hair... i have many political things to write, but the distractions of sending my son off to boot camp and a bunch of other chores have given me a necessary break from that sort of stuff... i don't even know exactly why i write about political and current events, i think there is therapy in releasing the thoughts and perspectives, plus democrats and their socialist/communist networked sell-out perverts are trying as hard as they can to change america into a 'government down' system that really is the square peg trying to fit our round world through, so i have to keep writing about it, i make no money from it, people are using my words for free, and i require employment, but i keep at it... i won't fool myself into thinking that political people or media people will actually pay me for any sort of help or for projects, but i keep writing to satisfy

my grief, and to inform the reader, our country is too important not to do something about it and just letting socialist-marxists ruin it without any push-back from me... today's chores involve laundry, and spackling, and maybe painting, and driving people where they need to go to, and dishes, and whatever else get's in my way, that's about it, i should also look for employment opportunities, and if i were writing professionally i would probably be conducting much more research, but my life/routine is that of a stay at home dad/spouse, so today looks busy to say the least, busy with support roles you could say, maybe i can work a bit more on first publication, it took a strange couple of turns that are good, but i have to go back to first chapter/part and rework it a bit to accommodate the changes as a whole, i don't know how many people would like to read a book that actually has 'god talking' in it, but the whole third part is sort of that, it's sort of god talking to a week's old baby, it may not sell very well, but it will still be good, and worthy of print and dissemination... there is a chance that it will provide some income, but time will tell... hmm, it's almost 0500 now, i think i'll grab a mug o coffee, pardon my departure. -- ct

09-22-21: what is 'the american dream', how much of an american dream involves various interpretations of the word 'success', and how much of what forms of success is 'necessary' to be 'your american dream'? i don't know how to answer that, i think once upon a time my version of success required lot's of possessions and expensive yet well-crafted useful things and providing my wife and children with every opportunity for their success--which for a kid that grew up relatively poor and had a one-parent household providing immediate family members with 'every opportunity for success' meant spoiling them a bunch of shit that they didn't need but were actually just satisfying my own inner-child that still wanted things that i couldn't have when i was younger, and watching my kids get thrills and excited by having fun and otherwise distracting possessions... folks who become financially successful that still have impulsive/reactionary, even compulsive behaviors may spend a lifetime filling their environments with things that their inner-child craves to provide something else to make them feel a different way, or give them something new to appreciate, we could call that 'spoiling yourself'... i really don't like some of the financial success and american stories types of shows that fox and fox business and fox nation airs, much of these shows display lustful and compulsive accumulations of wealth that were used to build some people's own disneylands complete with castles and a 'royal' sense of a lifestyle... everybody that lives in america has some sort of interpretation of what their individual 'american dream' really is... if i literally win a lottery overnight we will get to see what my interpretation of the 'financial' american dream really is, but it must include things that are higher than my individualism and spoiling those that i am responsible for, parents are not supposed to raise children that were forced into some type of royal lifestyle where chasing after inner childhood fantasies are expectations, parents must leave children that they spoil with an unlimited supply of wealth in order to complete the lifestyle that they raised their children to survive in... i didn't plan on writing this, i was just watching fox news and some of their commercials for future shows bother me a bit, some people's ideas of american dreams include castles and royal-like fantasies, those are cute for fairy tales and childhood stories but not as any sort of realistic lifestyles or one's to chase after, that's just too gross. -- ct

09-21-21: been busy lately, was trying to fit in as much good stuff in as possible before son left for boot camp, he's arrived and i'm sure he is busy as ever now. getting a bunch of other house stuff done now, moving furniture and organizing and cleaning and trying to figure out income-deficit/employment, Joe is doing his thing and life doesn't stop but it still feels like a transitional period, it feels like everything that i do around the house and for family is in preparation to move, still don't know where or when, but that's what it feels like, so my mission is still for god and family and getting the proverbial house in order, the only part that i really do for 'country' now is to write and to inform and to vote, so god and family it is, and getting my house in order is the order of the day. i could have used joe's muscles today, but daughter and i were able to accomplish the tasks at hand. -- ct

09-21-21 later: had a good fire outside tonight, thinking about the boy, about life, about things that need to get done, about priorities, about too much stuff that required thinking... but it was a good fire tonight, i'm looking forward to some sleep, not sure when the boy will get to embrace sleep again, he might catch a little bit tonight, anyways, today was a good day, it was productive on many levels but still earned zero income, and my priorities (family and god) were at the front burner, i received some help from a guy name jessie again, he was a cook for a great nation once upon a time, now he is a bunch of other things, but a good helper of people that need to be reminded of certain things, well that's about what i call him, i don't write much about that dude, but he's a solid guy with good priorities and perspectives and education and a good heart, i'm thankful for that guy... i'm signing off, i'm getting sleepy so i will probably sleep, not sure what the boy is up to though, probably wishing that he can sleep pretty soon... good night. -- ct

09-19-21: there will be one less person sleeping in the house as of tonight, as a dad i'm having some difficulty getting my head into that reality, too weird, it's another part of a transition in our life/lifestyle that is unfolding each day... time reveals lot's of things as time moves on, today is more reality, more insight, more transition into the next stage of our life... it's just too weird to explain more than that, it's too weird. -- ct

09-19-21 later: i don't like these feelings that i was feeling earlier this afternoon, but feelings/emotions tell you a little bit about reality, and today's reality is that someone that we raised and prepared for adulthood/life is in the hands of other people now, we raised and prepared a young adult that is about to get a big dose of adulthood, and all at once... as far as wife and i are concerned he has always been in the hands and at the will of god, and tonight is just another level of that reality, but man i do not like some of these emotions and feelings, they are only a piece of reality, the rest of reality is still going to happen whether we are emotionally ready for it or not, time doesn't wait for feelings and emotions to catch-up... as fast as i have come to grips with leaving Joe with the usmc i am already thinking about getting his room ready for his return home, get the bed ready for clean new bedding and straighten things up a bit, and... uh, i don't like these feelings and emotions, we said good-bye to a young man and will see him again as a grown-ass man. -- ct

09-17-21: on the subject of allergies/allergens and facial structure and other genetics and barometric pressure changes, well it all sucks but it's just a reality that took me entirely too many years to get an understanding of, nutrition/hydration is always important but not always adequate to reduce physical symptoms/over-reaction or reactions to environmental variables... seasonal pollen and sneezing and coughing and congestion of various eent cavities can cause all kinds of things that effect annoying and even debilitating unpleasantries, then you mix in environmental changes of pressure working for or against blocked/congestion eent cavities that may now effect cardio-vascular systems to reactions or possibly just over-reactions to environmental variables, cabin pressure on high altitude aircraft isn't fun when narrow airways are congested or otherwise blocked and for years didn't know otherwise but i always had to fly with sudafed if i was the least bit congested, but that same unpleasant sensations/reactions from that type of controlled air pressure can be almost as nasty when regular of nature's barometric pressure changes with certain high and low pressure changes, you can really feel that sort of pressure nastiness in your eent cavities, eyes and nose the most, the headaches can be something terrible, the doctor that cleared me to scuba mentioned that i have narrow 'ear-ways' and that i would have to clear the earways purposely when i noticed a discomforting pressure from inner ear... OK, eventually i would learn that it's the same principle with the eyes and nose and upper cranial cavities/sinuses whose nastiness is exasperated during allergen and urban pollution, sometimes it just starts as some sneezing and with narrow upper nose and more sunken cheek and probably the whole general forehead area, but humidity and air-quality and hydration and pressure changes from environment caused a shit-ton of nastiness that i will just call seasonal allergies, or sinus discomfort, or ensuing congestion, but even the lungs are sensitive to pressure changes, lung expansion is subject to skeleton structure... but let me shift a tiny bit to say that my daughter whose takes zyrtec for seasonal allergies still got uncomfortable enough that she wanted to come home for the day because of allergy symptoms such as the same sneezing and then full-on blocked nasal passages and we also had rain/weather related barro-pressure change that squeezes at your body and your head depending on far too many variables, i hate allergies and other environmental pressures and changes that can cause re-actions or over-reactions to my head and lungs and even the hands now, immuno-therapy helps to some degree, so does moving to more favorable environmental conditions... do you grind out life where you are or do you make changes in geography, changes in foods and beverages and sleep patterns and physical activities and hygienic routines, life requires simple changes most of the time and drastic changes some other times but some kind of change and education all of the time, physical deficiencies require physical intervention and the co-minglement/reality of god and science compliment each other to some degree, some folks require a bit of assistance from science and medicine form time to time, just as some folks require a bit of assistance from god and religion from time to time... and those two catatogories of science and religion require simple education and assistance, but sometimes they require lot's of help and assistance, sometimes seemingly/differing ratios of one ingredient or another, but equally the same... all i know is that the sooner you recognize changing conditions and the beginning of annoying/unhealthy symptoms and respond with appropriate god and science and educational actions and behavior the better life gets, the earlier you learn such things and begin responding appropriately the better... this post is written more as art not science or religion, but feel free to research any of the topics on your own if they sound interesting to you at all, you can always write to me using the form at the bottom of most pages on this lousy simple website. -- ct

09-16-21: i forgot what it's like to be awake and not able to fall back asleep this early, we are going through a bit of a family transition, and we will be down one family member living at home by the end of the weekend, trying to fit in more time with a loved one before they depart has been difficult, i'm sure that their new employer has their reasons for doing things, but the employer is making things difficult for the rest of the family whether they know that or not... life is going to change as we know it, in some respects it should be easier for wife and i, and harder for the family member, but in many respects things won't get easier for wife and i, we will be dealing with new kinds of stresses but with one less person in the house... other stresses are financial in nature, nothing new there, we have had struggles with finances off and on since we married, but it's a newer different kind of issue loosing government-provided income geared to covid relief for folks whose employment was interrupted or changed due to shut-downs/forced-quarantine, that was a couple thousand bucks a month which helped a lot but still wasn't enough income to make ends meet for the geography that we live and the lifestyle full of a strange mix of priorities, but now that we didn't get the four hundred bucks this week we are already feeling the pinch so to speak, having two working parents is good for income but unrealistic for a family with school-aged kids, i don't know how some people do that... a part-time job that i can do from home would be spectacular, but available hours are screwy due to realistic family needs/requirements, so employment search is on, but with so many things going on around the house it seems impossible... we must relocate, the sooner the better, two years from now would be best for a couple of family member's educational expectations, but tomorrow would be better as far as i'm concerned, what to do with our future is a million-dollar question, but without the million dollars, but this geography is not working in our favor, it's actually stifling many things... i have to keep working on getting our house in order and thinning out our possessions to make any sort of move easier, i'm not sure how feasible that is while i'm supposed to be earning income, earning income seems like a necessity, but not something that i'm really interested in anymore, i have too many things that i know i hate about having an employer with their many requirements, but never had a job that i just loved doing, none of my previous jobs had anything to do with producing things to drink, or eat, or sleep--you know, basic human requirements--instead i have gotten involved with technology for too many years, and technology is just supposed to help make certain things in life easier, it's not to be a primary focus... the last six years or so have focused on real life things where one works with hands and mind, not mind alone, so in some respects i have been preparing for real life and not fantasy-land where life revolves around the computer in front of my face and how to earn money via the computer... a life focused around technology doesn't make people move anymore, it draws your attention to screens and the troubles on the other side of the screen instead of real things going on around you... i need some sort of mission to research/analyze if i am to be wedded to a screen, 9-5 office work full of phone calls and emails does nothing for me anymore, and i understand that reality too much to continue pursuing such things, if i were smart about finances i would be retired already so i could pursue real priorities, but current employment models take parents/families away from priorities and requires us to make new families to help support... the homesteading lifestyle makes the most sense for families with children, but few people pursue the education required to homestead, there seems to be too many other interesting things that take our focus off of food, water, sleep/environment, there seems to be far too many distracting things that pull our attention away from realistic priorities, like god and family and the people in our community, and actual human physical requirements like food water and sleep... too bad i didn't understand that when i left home at eighteen, my journey had more to do with leaving mom's place and lifestyle and less on real human physical requirements and understanding real priorities... writing this isn't just an exercise of language and mind, it's also to inform my kids and anyone else that cares to read about real priorities and requirements, we were created to move, not sit behind computers, and the homesteading lifestyle seems to be the most realistic lifestyle that requires movement to use our environment to supply us with foods, hydrating liquids, and a shelter for a safe sleeping environment... how did i end up living on main street renting someone else's shelter while working in technology dependent fields, it's such a compromise that i can hardly bare it at times... getting my house in order requires me to address the many compromises that i've made which lead me to an unrealistic and unhealthy lifestyle, similar to how how god calls us to change unhealthy thoughts and words and actions and behaviors to live a life that follows the example of christ jesus, we are required to change when we understand that we need to change... living on main street renting a very old home on a tiny plot of unproductive land is an unhealthy compromise in many respects, financial requirements to live this lifestyle in this geography is absurd in so many respects... but i will continue to get my house in order in the spiritual and physical senses of the verse, and strive toward a more realistic and healthy lifestyle in another geography, maybe i can get caught up financially and actually save money to buy a bit of productive land... time will tell, maybe i finish the first book and try to sell some for the income to buy land, time will tell... i have a far better sense of priorities than i've ever had, but income and how to properly use it to change this unrealistic/unhealthy lifestyle is the question of the day, help me to understand such things/steps god, you have my attention when i'm not busy being busy with this sort of lifestyle filled with non-priority interesting distractions. -- ct

09-16-21 later: the link to this video was in with an email that i received from a news outlet, it speaks to the heart of the matter as to why i write about political crap, so i am sharing:

https://www.theepochtimes.com/revealing-the-hidden-communist-connections-of-the-most-powerful-committee-in-the-us-congress_3989882.html?utm_source=share-btn-copylink

... today looks to be another weird set of circumstances, and i'm still trying to figure out if i have time to write today, or if it will be weird like the last two days have been, but there is plenty in the current-events/political realm that could use some writing about... if i don't get back to this section then have yourself a great day, make it productive and do something nice for others, that is a required trait. -- ct

09-15-21: lot's of transitions happening, there is a sense of 'getting your house in order' kind of thing going on, literally speaking there is a purge of crap from the house that is not needed and is just hogging up space... also in nutritional/hydration sense, dealing with insomnia but in a proactive/deliberate manor and not just relying on Rx to do so it for me... then there is spiritual as well, getting house in order means putting away childish/ignorant actions and behaviors that i know are wrong and require change of thoughts and words and deeds... a spiritual re-set on a personal level requires more than just an insight on a topic of interest, it's like being born-again sort of, in a spiritual sense there is an epiphany regarding your connection to god and a need to change unhealthy thoughts and actions and behaviors and words, it's knowing right from wrong and choosing to do what is right instead of doing what you always do, it's getting past unhealthy routines and habits by making conscious decision to do so... i'm afraid that the religious preference that i follow has had a very unhealthy balance of preaching a strong faith and grace message that allows for folks to stay as unhealthy as everyone else except the individual can tolerate, the grace/faith message begs the individual to roll around in their filth for as long as others can put up with such filth and stench of sin-nature... that message is inviting and inciting but is a poor sales tactic, the parable of the rich guy that wouldn't change is a straight out rejection, and that aspect of the parable is alive and well in the church as much as it is outside of the church... anyhow, i have entirely too much to do right now, so i'm writing a short but sweet entry... getting my house in order has been the last eight months rolled-up into one tiny verse. -- ct

09-14-21: yesterday was a nice break from writing, it was a busy day and evening, so it made it easy to actually rest some of my mind... but just because i didn't write some of my thoughts down it doesn't mean that i took a break from 'thinking thoughts', it just meant that i didn't write some of them down, so my mind didn't take much of a break, just my hands and fingers did... i'm watching a bit of news and they are showing that blinken fella 'testify' about his actions and decisions for the disastrous withdrawal from afghanistan, this guy is an adequate politician, but not a good secretary of state, he is an adequate social psychiatrist with his crafty responses, but not someone that should be effecting any sort of military planning, get this guy a good job pouring drinks at a country club, but not in an administrative position, especially in a world super-power, he is just a politician in a big-girl/boy job that is getting too much on the job training, he is a train-wreck like john kerry, they consummate elite hypocrite who still has entirely too much networked power/influence for policy making, he's as bad as an elizabeth warren and bernie sanders who are far too radical to have as much influence in policy-making in a democracy based on personal freedoms... but they all got put into important positions and are all elite hypocrites, hypocrites come in all tax-brackets but elite hypocrites are far too influential to hold positions that shape public policy, what a shame that elite compromised hypocrites that are under the fake title of 'public servants' are fvcking up our country into what marxists and super-influents desire, if you voted for democrats because you hated trump this is the consequence of your actions, if you voted for DNC because you are a faithful team-player you already knew what you were doing and you are a huge part of the problems that america is facing today, i'm sure you are proud of your team's achievements, good for you, i used to be fooled by the 'social compassion' that the socialist-democrats try to sell for years, but socialism never works in countries that tried that sort of governmental philosophy, it just doesn't work, so grow-up already and quit falling for the philosophies of the arts and entertainment social-acceptance champions as priorities mean while they are destabilizing the shit out of our countr. -- ct

09-12-21: i'm listening to a church service that's a couple of towns over, it's actually in another state that's close by, it's over zoom and sometimes i hate technology, but distractions based on ignorance is just a distraction that i must push past. i'm listening to announcements right now so i feel as if i can write at the same time. i need to get going on the post that i began yesterday that speaks to aggressive versus passive terrorism, bin laden planned out an aggressive act of terrorism which triggered a super-power to respond as super-powers can respond, you could call that 'foreign terrorism', then today's 'domestic terrorism' comes in all shapes and sizes, lone-wolf nutjobs that want to make a 'statement' of some sorts, or an organized group of folks that are trying to accomplish some sort of 'mission' by making many aggressive verbal or physical statements or organizing groups of angry demanding people to push agendas that cause financial and other forms of 'destabilizing' and 'changing' a democracy... acts of aggression comes in all shapes and sizes, they share the same common denominator, the absence of 'loving your neighbor as yourself', it's something that i ignorantly and loosely define as 'true equality'... i love organized groups that bring attention to 'inequality', but the crowds that they stir-up and the actions and behaviors and words of those incited crowds are the fruit of the 'organizers', not loving others as yourself is hatred, or sometimes it's ignorance that could use education, when a cause becomes a replacement for religion or real humanitarianism then the fruits of leader's words and behaviors become actions of hatred, sometimes it comes to a nation as an obvious act of war, other times it comes in selfish or 'self-serving' agendas trying to accomplish some group's mission... i have to write more about that soon because it's too fresh in my head, former president bush 43 touched on it yesterday in his address to a group of folks in PA yesterday, that validated the thoughts that were stirring in my head, so i must write a bit more on that subject until i satisfy more closure to that topic. -- ct

09-11-21: terrorism... the art of fvcking with somebody that you want to fvck with but aren't aggressive enough to meet them where they are at physically or intellectually or realistically, so aggressive behavior is exhibited by premeditated/planned acts of war, or other means of dominating and victimizing others on various levels such as one-on-one, or group dominance, or countries/nations trying to expand their borders with more hostile measures, terrorism is one form of declaring war against something that you hate, terrorism is typically planned by smart yet morally corrupt people that convince other morally corrupt folks to do hostile things using various levels of sophistication/weapons to do so... i am not going to research/study much for this topic because most of it is obvious things that most folks already know (that's pretty much my writing style, but i research/study when challenged enough to be more thorough), so i am not going to research but am beginning with this post as a note and a starting point for this topic... passive terrorism is used by nation through things like intelligence/spy-craft when foreign nations are trying to get what they want or someone is trying to get what they want such as intellectual properties and natural resources and to reshape cultures... don't worry, i've never been involved with that sort of work and never spent much time with anyone that i know was into that line of work so i am not sharing anybody's secrets here, all you need to do is understand how people try to compromise your instinctive and moral weaknesses and then have folks test such weaknesses as a sort of test, think of it as a gang initiation that wants to make sure that you really are morally conflicted and are willing to follow their lifestyle... people test our weaknesses all of the time, but it's mostly done through technology, at least it's one of the most efficient tools, that's why deviant's that are absent of civil-morality practice/carry-out levels of warfare in aggressive and defensive levels through the good old internet. -- ct

09-11-21 later: why do i forget about Condoleezza Rice, oh my word, i appreciate her perspectives, and the fact that she shared a large portion of her life to public service and education, then i look her up and see that she is a director at an institution that i appreciate, Victor Hanson and a bunch of other smart people work there too, i never payed much attention to academia since i only partook of it for a short-while, but i'm paying more attention to some folks that i appreciate and the institutions that they are a part of... but why did i forget about the nice doctor Condie Rice, byw, i appreciate that she doesn't try to pay too much attention to her 'PhD doctor-hood status', which tells me that she is also a humble person, not just a well-educated one, humbleness is good sense of character... Afghanistan's worse inhabitants needed an ass-whooping and she happened to be duty when nine-eleven happened and normal people realized that america was under attack from evil, i appreciate her perspectives, her duty and her vigilance, her high IQ and overall usefulness to a morally-civil society is appreciated as well, maybe administrative servant-hood is no longer her thing, but how can she not be in a cabinet-level position or an actual executive position is beyond me. -- ct

09-11-21 laterer: today is a sort of almost holy day for many, some folks leave today set aside for special ceremonies and remembrance sorts of things, today is a different day for me, it was a celebration for a special person whose birthday was a couple days ago on a school day, but we went to a local bowling alley to celebrate, it's good for me to celebrate/remember a loved one's birthday instead of mourning and reflecting and remembering things that rocked my world, so to speak... bowling was fun, and then the TV at the bowling alley had the US open woman's single's final on, i had forgotten how much i like tennis, i never really liked the competition aspect of it, but i loved running around and whacking/moving a brightly colored ball, i had forgotten that i enjoyed playing a game... on a personal level today was a good day, i am over-tired and was over-stimulated by the noisy bowling alley with the noisy arcade, but we honored a loved one and i'm kicking back with some tennis and a beer now, i think the distraction of fun was good for me today, watching kids being kids and enjoying some fun together was good for everyone involved, similar to the young gals in today's woman's finals, a couple of young ladies doing what they enjoy and having fun on a rather large stage, that gal from the UK is a great young player and is having fun playing a game that she loves, she did very well over the past couple of weeks to be able to play today, and the smile on her face is testament that she is having fun playing a game... i really appreciated having the distraction of fun on a day that isn't full of fun memories regarding twenty-year history... i tried to re-enlist after 9-11 and they didn't want/need me anymore, i'm sure that was for the better, younger stronger folks were better equipped to fight than the thirty-something that i was, but 9-11 rocked my world and the memories of the act of war against our country by some strangers in a far off land still stir-up a warrior's heart, albeit an older more gimpy heart... i appreciate loved one's and bowling and tennis, and the many folks that stood-up and answered the call of duty following a cowardly act of war against civilians. -- ct

09-09-21: this actor is spot on, it might actually be illegal for me to quote this much from a published news article that someone else already wrote, but this guy is spot on and it's important so please read his observation, especially if it hit's home regarding ptsd:

"I haven’t experienced any health issues, and I get myself checked out, but definitely…. Post traumatic stress? Absolutely," Buscemi said during the podcast.

"I was only there for like five days, but when I stopped going and tried to just live my life again, it was really, really hard," he added. "I was depressed, I was anxious, I couldn’t make a simple decision. All those things. It’s still with me. There are times when I talk about 9/11 and I’m right back there. I start to get choked up and I realize, ‘Ah, this is still a big part of me.’"

... the actor's name is Steve Buscemi and you would probably recognize him by face even if you don't know his name (that's me anyhow), there are certain things, events, circumstances, things that happen to people that is far too difficult to understand and process, but it shakes us to the core to where it's hard to do simple things that people take for granted, but nasty events that rock our world and our brain's can only handle so much at one time that it breaks us to a point, it wakes us up to harsh realities that maybe we weren't fully able to process and navigate, it's ten times more difficult to come out of nasty events and circumstances like that if we isolate ourselves and keep our thoughts more to ourselves and assume that 'time will heal all things', perhaps it will but when we are stuck in unhealthy mindsets that cause unhealthy thoughts and behaviors/actions then it's imperative to seek help from reliable sources, self-medication with drugs and alcohol will only let you recover and mature and get on with a new appreciation for life... the events that lead up to a straight-up ptsd type of situation are real things that happen to real people and those life-changing things will help folks make large growth spurts of intellect and a greater sense of reality than if we never experienced those sorts of things to begin with, but being honest and transparent about the events and knowing exactly what we experienced, but it's easy for folks that go through nasty and difficult situations to get a good handle on the events and how they effected us, it's one thing if a bully steals your lunch money, and it's another if you were completely victimized or almost died, or should have died or you killed or try to kill or you did something that you know was exceedingly harmful to others or yourself, certain things can trigger 'ptsd', but being transparent and honest with yourself and folks that actually want to help you when required is detriment... religion in it's purest form helps too you know, but even folks that are sort of religious can go through nasty events that can cause ptsd symptoms, dealing with anxious depressive and suicidal thoughts and behaviors and compulsive unhealthy actions require help, more help than you are currently allowing yourself, and more transparency and a greater understanding of reality goes a looong way to a rebound that you don't know that you can actually experience... experiences and knowledge makes most folks a bit wiser, big experiences can yield big gains of knowledge and wisdom when we comprehend big experiences that are initially overwhelming or difficult to understand from different perspectives... ptsd is real, and recovery offers a larger level of understanding that folks that suffer can't quite comprehend, yet... life is bigger and better when we get real with ourselves and god and others... a recovered soul has much value and intellect that they didn't/couldn't understand when they suffered in their soul, the suffering soul knows somethings just aren't good/right, they are closer to god and reality than the arrogant fool, but the arrogant fool never grows and matures, they stay ignorant of their own folly and some even through their symptoms of ptsd, they just don't know it yet, ptsd is real, but recovery is essential, ptsd is a temporary condition, not one to use as an excuse for unhealthy thoughts and words and deeds, ptsd let's us know that something wasn't right/cool, but it is not a permanent destination, it is a temporary condition that requires proactive response, staying in neutral through ptsd is unwise and unhealthy to say the least... thank you fox news for the article and thank you steve for using your platform to help others. -- ct

09-08-21: yesterday started of a bit normal, but then got some bad and almost heartbreaking news, but then it got good again with a great conversation, then i got some more bad news via a difficult conversation with a dear friend, and then yesterday ended with the strangest of encounters... i haven't approached someone that was obviously trying to intimidate in quite awhile, never mind someone that is twice my body-mass and full of muscle, i would have had to have ruined on of his knees if it actually got physical, otherwise he would have dominated the encounter, but fortunately it didn't get physical, and witnesses were more concerned than necessary and he was willing and wanted to talk, and we had a pretty good talk for awhile too, he and i are different but in some respects similar, he might be a new friend, time will tell, who knows what the future will behold, but yesterday was a nice day, but a strange day and mixed in with regular sorts of chores and activities to boot, and then the fire at the end of the day was decent and productive enough to get through some downed branches and other brush, it was a nice end to a weird day, my sleep was terrible but that wasn't a surprise when i don't lay down till 0100 hours... today looks to be warmer and a bit more humid, and less chores on my schedule, maybe just catching up on dishes and laundry and making the home a more comfortable place to live, i think that's what's up today, along with searching for employment and time for prayer, and providing transportation to a few folks, it should be a nice day, hopefully not as weird as yesterday, i am still trying to unpack and process some of yesterday's weirdness, so back-to-back weird days would seem a bit... yes, weird. -- ct

09-07-21: i'm not really sure how long i will keep writing political and current events related materials, maybe until after the next election, or maybe forever, or maybe next week... but 'next week' is the least likely option, the shameful DNC and their network of socialist marxists and elitists deserve every word that i've written... my wisdom offered to folks that are considering public servant-hood as a possible career choice, start out in the DNC system so you can learn how corrupt and self-serving their network and policies are, and how interested they are in destabilizing and divisive policies and actions, they require control for their egos/self-interests and their preferred marxist philosophies... when the potential public servant understands the vanity and folly of the DNC network they will know why they should they should keep those folks out of office and to explain how and why the DNC network exploits the shit that they exploit, and then switch to a political system that gives a shit for america as a whole, right now the DNC is interested in financial and social manipulation and destabilization to redefine and control america the way that their network of compromised egos and financial backers prefer, they are interested in literally changing america, and they have a complex computational uses of known variables to accomplish as much, mayn of them cannot tell you even that much because they are used by senior leadership, and even some senior leadership is too compromised to know the difference between right and wrong... offering to care for the poorest of the population is about the only redeeming quality of the DNC, and even then they only do that because they think it's their duty to do so, not because they really want to help poor folks, otherwise most other policies feed their own self-interests and wealth... learning how and why it's important to make sure that poor and middle-class has access to certain western-civilized ideas of human requirements that wealthy and elites have access to is nice, but that's where DNC ends it's rationalism, after that point they mostly care about doing whatever their campaign contributors tell them should be priorities... as long as financial donors and other networked puppets are all making money who cares about morals and integrity, those last two things are not priorities in the political system that is bent on re-imagining and changing fundamentals of american freedom and government, they are only interested in re-inventing what's wrong and what's right absent of logical morality, they are re-inventing morality with 'new morality' that is not based on logic based on religion, but a new type of morality that is now based on and 'absence of religion', ask george soros, he will tell you how he wants america to look, it involves and absence of religious morality and redefining/manipulating anything and everything that he and his liberal network can change in order to do so. -- ct

09-07-21 later: it's perfect outside in rockingham county, i'll have to get out an enjoy it even though there is plenty to accomplish indoors, it's just too perfect outside... i recently read, and then heard some bad news about an old friend, he's having a nasty time understanding enough of god's basics that his life went from 'upside down' to all kind's of shaken and stirred and a lot more fvcked up than one could imagine... pray for a guy named donald if you will, some nasty things happened about twenty years ago and things are getting worse not better, making a conscious decision not to forgive has evolved into all sorts of harsh realities... please pray for a guy named donald, his whereabouts is unknown, and he and his loved one's could really use some prayer about now. -- ct

09-06-21: i hate learning expensive/painful lessons... some folks use various forms of logic when considering making purchases that cost more than what they can currently afford, i used inferior logic when i bought a stupid car a few years back, and now it doesn't move, and even though i am probably capable of repairing it and driving it again i have lost complete motivation to do necessary repairs and i just want it gone and out of my life so i can move forward with less stress and less car in my life... the stupid suv is over-engineered, which i like to a point, but all of the fancy all-wheel drive things add to complexity and cost of many vehicles, especially a german one where they hold all repair manuals like highly secretive documents which require variations of top-secret clearances and require the purchase of special tools for simple repairs... i love you but i hate you porsche, and it's time that we parted ways... i have brand new fricking parts just sitting around waiting to get installed but feel like i am over my head, and i know that it was a mistake to purchase it, and now i will loose money which i never really had to loose in the first place... so that's what i mean by painful and expensive life lessons... it's time to move on with my simple life now that i have understanding of a lesson in buying with your heart and not your head... man this frickin sucks... i assumed that i would be in an employment situation that would require a car for commuting purposes and bought with my heart not my head, and i don't have the sort of income/job that i assumed that i would have a couple of years ago which would have allowed for routine maintenance and repairs... recuperating some of the financial loss would be nice, but blowing it up would feel equally rewarding... but after a bit of contemplation i think i will just try to get it towed to a salvage yard where they will pay me a few hundred bucks for the 6000 lb paperweight that i have no motivation to repair in order to utilize, maybe if i still had a covered workspace on a flat/level surface it would be more realistic, but circumstances have changed years ago and simple regular things are too difficult for current logic... i'd like to say 'what was i thinking', but i realize that i was void of critical-thinking when i paid to own such an over-engineered and shiny machine. -- ct

09-06-21 later: lesson learned, and the car is gone, it's gawn... today i made the decision to let it go, and within hours it's actually gone, i didn't junk it though, it went to a good family with several capable mechanics that will appreciate the horsepower when it's road-worthy again... but within hours of making a conscious decision to let the go, it's gawn... also make a good dent into the patio project, right now it looks like a giant litter box filled with sand until i figure out what pavers or 'top' to finish it with, but it's nice getting the steps done that we got done today... today was a holiday of sorts in the USA, but it was productive day here and got to spend more time with family today, the weather behaved except for a sneaky afternoon shower, which was followed with more sun, so it was good day today, the next larger project i think is to rent a big ole dumpster and purge some crap that still doesn't fit in this house, next is a dumpster which will be filled with joyous extra crap purging, i will celebrate with a beer or two while filling it... i'm smiling just thinking about it actually, there is growth and progress when one dis-clutter's and cleans the house, inside the house and in the body and in the mind, god appreciates folks dealing with dysfunction, no matter how young or how old you are, it's a thing that everyone requires whether we know it or not, the more conscious we are of our thoughts and actions and behaviors and our near environment and others around us the more we can live in the present and not just run on auto-pilot semi-conscious that's required of our routines and responsibilities as well as nutrition and hydration and sleep, almost everyone is guilty of this to some degree or another, but continued growth is always required, we aren't meant to 'hear the gospel' and run on auto-pilot now and keep living routines and lifestyles that we know are unsustainable and unhealthy and unrealistic, it's no easy thing task to find a lifestyle that's as simple as our health and other priorities require, and the busier we are and the more stuck in unhealthy and unsustainable and illogical lifestyles the harder and more devastating it is to face reality when we realize that we let our house go and get consumed by weeds while we have been running on auto-pilot of semi-conscious actions and behaviors, there is always more room for god and re-establishing priorities... i got a couple of required yet crappy things done today and i feel weights lifted from my shoulders, next is focusing on the clutter and distractible household interior, it will be so rewarding, so next chore is getting a big ole dumpster and 'take out the papers and the trash'... today was nice and productive and a good balance of being present with family and getting a couple of crappy yet satisfying chores done one was a bitter pill to swallow... did i mention how nice the weather was, it was pretty frickin lovely if you ask me... enjoy the short work/school week, monday was actually nice and pleasant. -- ct

09-04-21: interesting to see some folks that 'viewed my profile' on a web-based professionally-networked platform, i push hard on realistic criticisms of some government leaders and their minions don't appreciate that very much, so when i see that folks with prestigious employers have viewed my profile my initial thoughts are 'oh sh1t', and 'OK, here it comes' sorts of negative variables/thoughts... time will tell, and it's no time to be a nicey nicety, save that crap for folks that were not trained at being warriors, folks who stayed away from protection and offensive types of training and experiences can keep their nice and politically/socially correct sorts of language and actions, i am still living and therefore will not simply roll-over and die when i witness the actions and behaviors of compromised leaders, they encourage socially yet morally maligned cooperation, i am not that sort of human, i trained to defend and offend through physical reality, and i write the same... so as i opened with this post... it's interesting to see either real or fake folks on a professionally-networked platform, and their employers, whether the employers are the real one's or fake covers for folks that view me as opposition, interesting indeed... but time will tell, as it usually does... who even works at a reserve sort of financial institution that would even give me the time of day or be interested in my profile, i expect opposition, but maybe not. -- ct

09-04-21 later: i had a good bit of time meeting some new folks today, i always appreciate that, especially when they are somewhat like-minded folks that you have something in common with, more or less... today's weather was nice, here, i had a nasty headache that i can usually associate with certain changes of baro-presure, but i think today it was more with eye-strain and a crappy night's sleep, so i can't blame it on the weather although thats a bit of the type of headache that it felt like, i didn't get out really today, only for a brief few minutes, i finished re-assembling a hobby and mostly hoped that nutritional and appropriate hydration would handle the dull pain, it didn't, cbd drops didn't help much so eventually i took rx anti-inflammatory and tried to nap for a bit, headache was gone by mid-afternoon, but by then family was back and it was time for priorities, and so i still didn't get out to enjoy the day, bummer, but tonight i will sleep and tomorrow's forecast looks just as nice, maybe i'll get cranking on the patio project again tomorrow, time will tell, there are always plenty of things and priorities to do in the sort of lifestyle that we chose, i'm giving up on a project to repair a decent car that took me too long to pay off, i want that thing gone so i can get a more simple car that i am accustomed to, it will also require repairs and maintenance, but it's far more simple than this fancy suv... the suv is already sort of gone in my mind, that was a project that i assumed would have been done many months ago, but it ain't happened and there are too many other things to keep me busy, plus i'm sick of having to buy specialty tools to do simple types of repairs, regular repairs should not require specialty tools, that's just mean... so if that project is gone and i get the patio done then i can refocus on the house purge/clean-up that is greatly required, i will he a ton happier when that is achieved, i hate the state of our house and it's been grating on me for entirely too long, the family understands that a reasonable house should not be as over-stuffed as this, and over-stuffedness leads to distracting and confusing and overwhelming and otherwise unhealthy lack of environment hygiene and even safety in some respects... we can't expect a house this old to ever be organized with the undersized rooms and lack of closets, but it is what it is and we must do better than the current state of this household, we must do better... i might be able to get a lot done if i am still unemployed and the family back to school and all, but time will tell, and motivation is also required... one of the plans is to clean-up this small room that we use for storage and make it a bit of an office if i am to do remote type of employment, i don't know if any employers for businesses that won't require moral compromises will actually employ me, but i am hopeful, i do know that i am not going to drive an hour for anything five days a week again, that bullshit was a terrible lesson to learn such a folly, follies like long commutes and shitty rush hours full of distracted drivers... nooooo thank you, not for me, not even for the almighty dollar, screw that employment philosophy... i honestly just like reading and writing and being available to help the household and family and to be available to help others when others could use my help, that's just how simple i am, my body is not equipped for full-time physical labor but i still require movement, but not the whole physical labor, i don't know how to work within my limits so i end up with chronic injuries and pain, i certainly tried to do my share of physical work the last few employment opportunities, but my body is straight-up getting old, call it genetic flaws or poor health habits or just plain stupidity in the sense of not understanding pain and dealing with it properly until it get's out of hand, but i am not that guy anymore... realistically speaking a remote or otherwise remote sub-contract opportunity would be wise, but hours can't be typical either, not for a guy who understands family priority and commitments... so who know's what's next, but my suv isn't going to be fixed in order to commute anywhere, and i'm better off on a homestead type of environment, unless something big changes inside me, otherwise i work much better on my own where i can actually concentrate without too many distractions, call it 'add' or hyper-vigilance or whatever my problem still is, but it is a terrible affliction of sorts when i have to really concentrate, it's a wonderful affliction for close security, but otherwise a pain in the ass for normal function, it's hard to notice most times until i realize that my head is on a swivel and my neck and eyes are straining a bit from overworking, but it's not a good quality for a job that requires concentration other than safety issues... so employment is still a challenge, i'm hopeful that a better sense of reality, and better sleep, and better nutritional standards will help with the hyper-vigilance symptoms but time will tell, cbd/canna seems to help but only to a degree, there are still logical changes that i can make as i quit living in a reactionary/sub-conscious way of floating through life ignorant of my own short-comings and otherwise dysfunctions, self-discipline is the missing variable in many people's lives, including my own, and changing bad habits and behaviors requires logic, prayer, and i am even trying CBT-related principles to help as well, i've been operating in partial survival-mode and sub-conscious and reactionary even compulsory aspects, and i have had a bit of an awakening of sorts last year, and in the process of becoming more aware of reality and the absence of self-discipline ,and a minimizing of the connection to god that i had been selfishly been experiencing, and considering that i had weened off of certain Rx's for pain and anxiety around that time, well i have some priorities better alligned at the moment, and a proverbial 'getting my house in order' is now required in my life and those around me, so time will tell what positive changes i can make in the lifestyle that we chose, but positive changes have begun within me once more, and self-discipline is more of a requirement now, it's sort of like getting real with yourself and following up with some straight-up adulting, that's sort of what i mean by self-discipline/control, it's not just resisting things that you know that you shouldn't do, it also includes doing the things that you know you should be doing, it's almost a simple concept like that... religion in it's purest form helps with that sort of self-control/discipline type of thing, and getting real with yourself and your lifestyle also helps, too. -- ct

09-04-21 laterer: i just received an update about a web-based free-speech networked communication platform that i tried for a bit, it was adequate... so they sent an email out of the blue... i like the premise of your app, but how about creating a web-browser with non-google servers that also encourages free-speech by eliminating folks like google and bing and foreign entities and amazon-based technology and their surveillance and interference and select content filtering... there might already be such a thing that i am just ignorant of, but one app that allows free-speech is only as good as the browser or device that it's used on... how about an all american designed, sourced and manufactured mobile device perhaps, that would be very cool, the device could be free of international interference and host decent apps and with a decent browser... some of those sorts of things started out that way, but they all went way of exponential growth which relied on international sources and resources including manufacturing and labor... how about the 'weather-tech floor mats' version of communication devices and technology, how much would that cost the consumer... anyhow, welcome back parlor, i might use your platform again in the future, too bad it's dependent on other people's technology and resources which were able to shut you down to begin with. -- ct

09-03-21: happy friday, the weather is supposed to be nice for next couple of days, maybe i can put effort into finishing an outdoor project this weekend, and hopefully without injuring myself. i'm hoping to not write much about political and current events too much over the next few days, but compromised folks have been elected into office and are now in charge of running our country, so i may have to write, it's therapeutic for me to do so you know, but perhaps i won't require therapy over the long weekend, but one never knows. i'm hopefull that government whistle-blowers will continue to do the right thing to help rid the rest of america of anti-patriotic leaders that have obviously been compromised or just complacent enablers, folks compromised by money (donors and members of their network), ego (power and control), or emotional/logical duress (folks that use fear of exposing shameful secrets or physical harm), well those folks do not belong in leadership, they are exploiting too many folks that appreciate america... texas congressman ben crenshaw who is a very respected and decorated veteran and warrior has a whistle-blower hotline on his website, those sorts of whistle-blower hotlines have been heavily exploited by socialists and other DNCers for quite awhile, remember the two failed impeachment attempts against former president trump, they originated from similar things but they had proven to just be propaganda tools to remove trump from office, but it's refreshing to see folks that aren't compromised by elitist marxist embracing campaign donors using similar tools/technology that DNC has been exploiting for years, i like a good heroic warrior like a ben crenshaw that hasn't rolled-over and faded away and is doing the right thing, some heroic warriors haven't rolled-over and faded away after their military/intelligence careers and banded together to extract US citizens from afghanistan following biden's destabilizing actions, some former green berets and other military hero's used their knowledge and resources to help get thousands of americans out of that country because the current administration doesn't know how to do those sorts of things on their own, the current administration is incapable of sound reasoning, and thinking of others more than their own self-interests and desired outcome... well like i said, hoping to not write much over the long weekend, but who know's, writing might be required. -- ct

09-02-21: it's the second already, so niceties are over, i'm too distracted by the way that mid-atlantic and NJ elected officials are spinning the hurricane/storm damage natural disaster, i heard emotional appeal to any listener, then i heard how hard they fight to get every dollar from federal gov as possible and that should be everyone's saving grace, then i heard more global warming preaching essentially blaming ourselves for a natural storm... mix those three messages together and you get the DNC and marxist techniques... anyways, i'm glad that we just got a soaking in rockingham county, so far the spring storms were the worse, we haven't gotten any late summer nastiness, yet... anyhow, i wrote a significant post directly on this platform and then somehow managed to lose it, i ought to know better to write on a document of some-sort and then paste when i am ready to post, but that logic escaped me once again... the post was pretty tough on some politicians and their donors, you probably already have a decent idea of who and what i wrote about, so i won't expand, maybe the technical error was for my own good, who knows... good night. -- ct

09-01-21: September Morn... happy september to those of us who appreciate cooler weather and to everyone else as well... it doesn't matter who you are or where you live, it's sept in the usa and i extend a happy september to you, it's a new month for new opportunities, and new opportunities to get right in your head and you heart... seek religion in it's purest form if you never have done so, it could be the most productive month of your life... and if you are a religious-ey sort of person then seek a more transparent relationship with god and a more transparent relationship with yourself this month beginning right now, you require it... many religious folks are enthralled with the notion of having a connection with the giver of life, but not too happy with conforming one's life to the template and example and words and actions of jesus of nazareth... many folks want to operate in the semi-conscious and subconscious where we just act/react to life and stimuli as we always do, the god of life requires pro-action, being proactive to live a life that appreciates others as much as we appreciate ourselves, the giver of life requires us to connect with it and being proactive to give more temptations and desires and spoiled and selfish thoughts and actions to it, and to extend more of it's love to those we encounter, the giver of life expects more of our hearts and minds than most folks wish to allow... utilize this new month of september to embrace and conform to the giver of life itself, it's a requirement for a better future... happy september. -- ct

09-01-21 later: i'm learning a bit about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), the science behind making someone aware of unhealthy emotions and behaviors and thoughts to produce healthy thoughts and emotions and actions/behaviors... the giver of life offers the same things plus more, but science uses education and conditioning to achieve such results, and god plus science can be a beautiful thing... i'm all about education that explains unhealthy thoughts and emotions and actions and behaviors and the consequences of such things, however advertising to make rich people richer mostly exploits the semi-conscious cognitive functions to make unnecessary things appear super important, and to make regular things look/seem awesome and attractive, even advertising done as information typically twists reality in some way shape or form, reality augmentation for profit is the power of the commercial/advertiser, there are many simple and accurate and direct ways to inform people of products or services or information without emotional tugs and augmenting reality to make silly things seems super important and desirable... i hate the advertising and commercialization of politicians/actors and actresses that distract folks from truth and reality... i appreciate entertainment but to those who are actually entertainers the very compromise of the soul is a slippery slope... the advertiser and the folks that require their services live life on the edge of morality and immorality for self-serving interests, a slippery slope indeed... distracting folks from truth and reality is the compromise of the soul when leaders of any type require the networking and building of their empire void of obvious morality... for those who share both wealth and responsible/healthy actions and behaviors and morality you are a rare breed, please understand that morality is the bigger gift and responsibility than the wealth-building and the empire itself... the resources are mighty in many respects, but the giver of life requires that the heart is protected from immorality, and when it doesn't then repentance is always there for the one who wants it, it's not hard you know... i'm hard on commercials and advertisers and resource-motivated empire-builders, they are shaping the way of the future with their resources, and a future full of self-serving folks who augment reality to enable their desired outcome is a nasty one indeed... religion in it's purest form requires truth and reality and healthy thoughts and emotions and actions and behaviors, it does not require a life dedicated to self-interests and empire building... it requires reality and education on simple things, and some things are simple to learn from ten simple commandments and other things called fruits of the spirit which are essentially the required attributes that surpasses conditioning through science, but religion and science work wonderfully together when they are allowed to, just as religion and education, they work wonderfully together when they are allowed to... science and education absent of religion are folly of follies and vanity of vanities, just as advertising absent of religious morals and the leaders they promote... seek important news from respected news organizations, not commercials, commercials are designed to augment reality for the immoral. -- ct

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